Hhhhhrrgh I need help. I can't focus myself and gather the energy to keep working on Terrene Spire. I can't take a break cause I don't know how to relax, I can't be happy about my work because I havent updated in over 10 days, And I am paralyzed thinking that my story is terrible and you're just humoring me for fun. I know, I KNOW my mind is fucking lying to me, but it won't stop screaming all this negative bullshit at me. I want Terrene Spire to keep going, it's a fantastic story/game and I know you people enjoy it and I just cannot summon the energy to work on it!! What the FUCK?!!
Please help me, I don't know how but please help me. What can I do? Exercise doesn't destroy the voided feelings or dull the negativity with dopamin. Food doesn't help at all, it just seems to go in with no taste or like to it. It tastes dull and boring. Talking to people doesn't help, when a calm comes in the conversation, I completely accept that whoever I was talking to got offended and left because im an idiot who don't deserve anything. Therapy is expensive, though I am trying to go to it, it happens so infrequently that I don't know what it could help. My family either hate me or put wayy too much trust in me and consider me perfectly normal because im "the smart one".
I just don't know what to do. What little positivity that sticks comes from this thread, from you people. It's such a stupid thing and yet my entire life circulates around pleasing you for just that little moment of feeling sane and normal, and now im locked out of working on Terrene Spire because I can't fucking muster the energy!! Help me, Please! It's already been hard enough to write this post, I...
Am I being abusive? Demanding things from you that no one should demand?? I haven't exaclty done anything to gain your respect after all... I am sorry, I need to shut up, I...
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Sorry for this jumble of a post, I will shut up again.