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Terrene Spire - Gently ended.

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Makuta said:
Writing is hard.

Drawing is hard.

Life is hard.

Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness. It just means that you want help with something.

Yes, there are terrible people in this world, but you are not one of them. No matter what anyone else says, you are not a terrible person.

You Are Better Than You Think You Are.

And you are not alone.
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Yes. Dex, listen to the embodiment of bionicle evil.
 
Dexexe1234 said:
I don't think its a lie its just...

I haven't done anything lately. I havent earned a single line of that praise, all I did was whine like the petulent child that I am...
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I greatly disagree. I think you earned that praise by gifting us something beautiful and unique, as only you could. Your mental baby is awesome, frankly, and they don't seem to have fallen that far from the tree considering you managed to make it all by your lonesome.

Take the story as it is, and you'll still deserve praise for the brilliance you've already created. Whether you make more is irrelevant to that, since you've already shown great potential. You could literally do nothing for a decade and you'd still deserve already-sung-praise for what you've already made.


Please don't call yourself a petulant child, Dex. Children don't really make cool and interesting stuff like Terrene Spire, the truly petulent- child or otherwise- even less so.
 
Yeah, I can't say anything about you seeing as I don't know you personally but I always liked the art I've seen from you. Granted I'm not an artist so I wouldn't know if your webcomics/quests are any good from a professional perceptive. But I've always been very impressed with your work and many other people seem to be too.

The praise you receive isn't given to you because of the things you can't do but, because of the skillset you have that you worked so hard for. Something a lot of us don't have. So by my own logic if you don't deserve any praise than neither do any of us because, we don't have your skillset nor do ALL of us spend a lot of time trying to work on our own art/writting/other skills. If any of us try art but don't deserve any praise when we learn somthing good, then learning art will become harder. So if you don't deserve praise then a lot of people don't deserve a chance to becoming an artist, which would be stupid. So by own weird "logic" if any of us deserve any praise then you deserve praise too. If you don't deserve praise then neither do we.
 
Dexexe1234 said:
You defending me just proves that I have deceived and manipulated all of you already.
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That's like saying "'I didn't do it!' is exactly what a guilty person would say!" We'd also be saying this if we legitimately liked you because you seem like a nice guy and we like your artwork and think your characters are funny which we do. I've known you for years and I feel like I've let you down as a friend several times, but I do still care about you. You're a nice guy and you create beauty that you freely share with the world. That's dope as hell.
 
Dex, your artwork is amazing. I've been here right since the beginning, I was the one who started the "[X] Take a Break Dex" vote, I know that you're an amazing person with a host of demons crammed in your skull, screaming things like "you're worthless," "nobody likes you," "you should just end it," etc. Here's the thing, though; they're wrong. Every person has some value, some worth in this world. Even the absolute worst people set an example of what not to do, and you're a shining beacon of "what you should do," in a world that seems to rapidly be going down the shitter. Instead of just grabbing some way of leaving us, you reach out for something to continue the good fight, for affirmation, even veiled in demands for vindication. You're not alone in this world, and even if the people on your side of the screen are worth only their counter-example in how they treat you, you've built a real family in us. So don't say that you're worthless, because you have dozens of people willing to say otherwise, and more than that, that we care about you as a person. If you want to let TS die, that's up to you, but don't ask us to turn our backs on you, because it just isn't happening.
 
thank you everyone, sorry for my freakout but, just, thank you.

Thank you all for caring so much.

I still feel like I used you all to get more attention but, any attention I ask for is immediately a SIN in my brain and thus its, fuzzy.

I don't want to end TS. I just, freak out easily, especially when IRL people go "maybe try writing an ending for once" and just...

My head twists into a knot because I get, I get, my inner voices get ammunition, meaning the fake reality inside my skull is real and not the actual rational world is real.

The delusion of my fake world inside, the world where I am worthless and I deserve everything I have been through, where I should be my brother's lapdog, is so fucking strong inside.

I freak out when I cant make my rational reality fit into, well, reality.

Everything becomes that fake way the world functions inside...

Remember this post? This is how my brother talks to me, this is how I have always been treated by my entire family.

It is really fucking hard to leave that worldview when it has been branded into my brain like a dark tarpit inside.

Thank you all again. I am so sorry.

I feel guilty and shame.
 
Dexexe1234 said:
I still feel like I used you all to get more attention but, any attention I ask for is immediately a SIN in my brain and thus its, fuzzy.
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I mean... Yeah? Isn't that the primary role of an artist in any capacity? If you're drawing for your own sake, that's nice, but the moment any artist puts what they do out to the world, that's a vie for attention, and that's not a bad thing. By giving us Terrene Spire, you're asking us to give your work, and by extension you, attention, and if we like it, we give you attention and get more people to pay attention to you. If you're talking about your panic attacks, let's flip that on its head a bit: what would happen if you didn't ask for attention in these moments? What comes to my mind isn't anything good, so don't punish yourself for working to stay alive.
Dexexe1234 said:
I don't want to end TS. I just, freak out easily, especially when IRL people go "maybe try writing an ending for once" and just...
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You have to get to the ending before you can write it though, and quests are kinda prone to, well, never getting there. You're not alone on that front.
Dexexe1234 said:
I freak out when I cant make my rational reality fit into, well, reality
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There's three pieces in play here; Rational Reality (RR,) Delusional Reality (DR,) and Actual Reality (AR.) Your AR is that your brother and SiL are pieces of garbage who work to make you their slave effectively until you burn out and die one way or another, while you have a cadre of great people over the internet helping you stay alive and fight back. Your DR is that being their slave is exactly what you deserve, and that nobody likes you. Your RR is that you aren't their slave, and you deserve to be loved. Don't let the DR get closer to your AR than your RR.
Dexexe1234 said:
Thank you all again. I am so sorry.

I feel guilty and shame.
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You have nothing to be sorry about, nothing to be guilty over, and nothing to be ashamed of.
 
Dexexe1234 said:
Thank you all again. I am so sorry.

I feel guilty and shame
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Hey, man. Listen, you haven't done anything here you should be feeling guilty for. Absolutely nothing. Up to and including putting yourself down about the whole episode.

Likewise, there is nothing that warrants feeling ashamed, but I understand feeling shame for imagined offenses - I've been there and it's a hard mindset to break out of.

I wish I could give you more support, honestly.
 
We all have our good days and our bad ones. That is called life. But there will always be lights in our lives. They don't have to be your family, after all you might not be able to choose who you are biologically related to but you can choose who you decide to listen and pay attention to. Whether it be the bartender in your favourite drinking place, the owner of your favourite store or even just someone you work with. They don't even have to be in person. They could even be a bunch of random strangers on a web forum somewhere that like what you create.

And just like the light of the sun they will always be there shining day after day to give your world colour and life. Even when it seems the darkest they will still be there shining away in an attempt to get the light to reach you. Just like how the you can still see in the dark because of the sunlight reflected by the moon, they will try to reach you even when you can't seem to find them. And just like the dawn they will eventually find a way to light up your world once more. So when the night is darkest and hope seems like a distant dream, remember this: "The reason it is always darkest before the dawn, is because from your position you can't see the light."
 
If your family is total shit like that, maybe check out the raised by narcissists subreddit. Lots of people with similar experiences, so you don't feel all alone in this, a place to vent, and resources from people who've dealt/deal with the same.

Also, get some therapy. It might take a few tries to find a good therapist, but you should really try. One wouldn't leave a broken leg to heal on its own either.
 
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[X] Things are confusing right now -but that can wait just a little longer.
-[X] Enquire Lysa what it is she needs and wether we can help.
--[X] If yes, do what we can. If not, continue our search for Blessed Dirt.

Also, welcome back Dex. You´ve been sorely missed.
 
[x] get over it, Zest. If what Daeva says is true, You've Always been a conglomerate of voice lords, and knowing it changes nothing. Being productive is better then moping about the inherent properties of your existence. also, what just happened to Daeva's projection?
 
...wel that was hillarious
I would say poor Lysa, but she called our boy Zesty wee, so...
Deava's behavior is explained and accepted.

[X] Take a deep nightmare breath through your nightmare mouth. Like the mouth, this too shall become normal.
[X] Ask Lysa what the retrieval is
[X] Explain that your primary objective is the Blessed Dirt
-[X] If she disagrees, do a little split saying tough for her.
 
[X] Take a deep nightmare breath through your nightmare mouth. Like the mouth, this too shall become normal.
[X] Ask Lysa what the retrieval is
[X] Explain that your primary objective is the Blessed Dirt
-[X] If she disagrees, do a little split saying tough for her.
 
[X] Things are confusing right now -but that can wait just a little longer.
-[X] Enquire Lysa what it is she needs and wether we can help.
--[X] If yes, do what we can. If not, continue our search for Blessed Dirt.
 
[X] Take a deep nightmare breath through your nightmare mouth. Like the mouth, this too shall become normal.
[X] Ask Lysa what the retrieval is
[X] Explain that your primary objective is the Blessed Dirt
-[X] If she disagrees, do a little split saying tough for her.
 
[X] Things are confusing right now -but that can wait just a little longer.
-[X] Enquire Lysa what it is she needs and wether we can help.
--[X] If yes, do what we can. If not, continue our search for Blessed Dirt.
 
[X] Things are confusing right now -but that can wait just a little longer.
-[X] Enquire Lysa what it is she needs and wether we can help.
--[X] If yes, do what we can. If not, continue our search for Blessed Dirt.
 
[X] Take a deep nightmare breath through your nightmare mouth. Like the mouth, this too shall become normal.
[X] Ask Lysa what the retrieval is
[X] Explain that your primary objective is the Blessed Dirt
-[X] If she disagrees, do a little split saying tough for her.
 
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