DexI dag kl. 19:08
ah.
brother GF is pissed because brother is going nuts trying to do everything himself as per usual and this is my fault for not helping.
AtanahI dag kl. 19:09
i mean. I wanna give good advice... but fuck her, just vent and call her a bitch.
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:11
...Granted, that is What She is doing. Venting at you.
DexI dag kl. 19:12
she also used the phrase "you also have a room to empty of all your shit"
sounds like theres some anger
"dont you think you need to stay some days? You don't get anything done on one day."
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:15
Oké that makes me blood boil Because Its hard for me to bring to words. But you are not owed them anything
DexI dag kl. 19:16
"you suddenly went home the last time so your brother and I had to stop both my brothers birthdays because of the dogs. We also had to drop my mothers birthday. I have a birthday on thursday and I hope you arent gonna destroy that day too. I think you should stay here from wednesday to friday morning. Else ALL of my birthday plans go awash. I have invited the house full of guests, not dogs." "but if you want to go home again wednesday, then you can take the dogs with you, then we collect them again on saturday."
AtanahI dag kl. 19:16
ok dex type: If the doctors manage to suck all your fat out of your fat ass in day, i can clean the room in day.
DexI dag kl. 19:16
holy shit.
told her "okay now we have a timeframe. Let me check my calendar."
AtanahI dag kl. 19:18
or wasen't you flappy tits a one day job, though i guess it was a team effort.
DexI dag kl. 19:18
no seriously read that
fucking christ.
@here gonna need some more eyes on this
"you can take wednesday to friday this week. Thursday and friday next week and then hunting season starts. Then your brother is not even home and I am working. Then thurrsday to friday after that my belly balloon is coming out."
AtanahI dag kl. 19:20
belly balloon?
DexI dag kl. 19:20
"but you are impossible to make any arrangements with because you just stay away becuase it doesn't go like your head wants it to go. How dare you act like that!!! Your brother jumps and leaps and dances around while you just sit and stare into the air."
she has one of those stomach balloons so your stomach is smaller
well this turned aggressive.
AtanahI dag kl. 19:21
say no
DexI dag kl. 19:22
yeah I don't really want to take this.
NeriI dag kl. 19:22
Literally just say no.
AtanahI dag kl. 19:22
she can ask nicely that is all you want
RaiuI dag kl. 19:22
Angry and attempting to guilt trip you? Nah.
That's not something to say yes to.
AtanahI dag kl. 19:24
nope
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:24
Its less guilt trip and more demanding
AtanahI dag kl. 19:25
btw remember the thing from marts where verbal abuse became illegal
DexI dag kl. 19:28
I want to reply but what the fuck would I even say
I cannot give them anything but compliance or anger
they dont give me any choice
AtanahI dag kl. 19:29
i mean
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:29
I think the worst part were "you dare" to step away when "its not like your head wants it to go" That is, rather riode and hypocritical
VyorI dag kl. 19:29
I'd reply with "stop trying to guilt trip me, for that? Not happening."
Puts the onus and guilt on them
DexI dag kl. 19:31
they wont accept that and then im causing grief because I am asking for decency
AtanahI dag kl. 19:31
hey i am sorry but i have to decline, it is not fair to talk to me that way, i was willing to go help and even talked with per about it. However i do not want to go because if i do, you will just keep abusing me.
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:32
You tried compliance, it was bad for your mental state.
AtanahI dag kl. 19:33
just don't comply no matter what.
it is mental abuse and you have prof
DexI dag kl. 19:37
I say "I cannot help because it is not fair that you talk to me like that. I want to help ad I talked to my brother about the 8. of may." "I cannot take the emotional torture that you push on me and thus I cannot be a help without hurting myself."
she replies "Stop that piss or I will hang myself." "Cant you yourself hear how fucking stupid you sound? Wake up to the real world and drop that computer fantasy world you live in."
hm.
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:39
... I am livid
VyorI dag kl. 19:39
Tell her to do it
RaiuI dag kl. 19:39
>Or I will hang myself God, it would be so gratifying to reply "Then do it."(redigeret)
DexI dag kl. 19:39
no thats abuse Vyor
VyorI dag kl. 19:39
Not if she's threatening it
DexI dag kl. 19:39
I am already by default being an asshole to them because I am not bending to their will
as atanah can attest to
AtanahI dag kl. 19:40
yeah
DexI dag kl. 19:40
so this, saying no
is really really pissing them off.
AtanahI dag kl. 19:40
i could also tell the police that
DexI dag kl. 19:40
det er ikke nok referencer at kun have to trusler.
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:40
I think react could With "If your only recourse is threatening suicide or insulting me, Then you have proven my point."
AtanahI dag kl. 19:41
i mean just scroll up in the messages
DexI dag kl. 19:42
my body is pumping with anxiety
I am in hell
AtanahI dag kl. 19:42
i mean... just talk to the police so they are aware of what is happening
RaiuI dag kl. 19:43
Take screen shots of the message, contact the police through their non-emergency line, provide the screenshots.
DexI dag kl. 19:44
is this really enough grounds
AtanahI dag kl. 19:44
i mean you are not trying to put them in jail but just to make them back off
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 19:46
SHE is being indecent
RaiuI dag kl. 19:46
It's not enough grounds for anything, however it can be used as a bit of history.
I.E. If things do have to go further, then this would help.
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 19:48
her threatening to hang herself is proof of their excessive manipulation
definitely take it to the police on a non ememrgency
AtanahI dag kl. 19:48
i think she makes fun of dex
like he is going to hang himself
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 19:48
as well as the fact they are NOT accomidating something you are actually diagnosed and seeing professionals for
DexI dag kl. 19:49
"its not fair that we talk like that to you? Listen, is it fair that you write to your brother like you do? No I don't think so!!"
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 19:49
then don't write
don't answer
if they want nothing, they can have nothing
DexI dag kl. 19:49
the things I "wrote to my brother" is statements of how they hurt me and how their stress makes me shatter. There is also a lot of "this is what I did and this is the plan."
the latest one I wrote to them is an explanation of the emotional work it is to deal with them
because they asked why I didnt want to be in the house
like
them: "Can I ask why you dont want to sleep in moms house?" Me: "It gives me stress to be away from a place I can call my own and find peace in. A big part of the stress is also keeping an eye on the dogs and the furnace, while trying to keep a normal sleep cycle so I am not destroyed when you two appear. It is a long series of emotional work which gives me a lot of pressure because I don't functional like a normal person."
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 19:51
they don't want to understand. and authorative powers need to get involved
DexI dag kl. 19:52
and they know the pressure they give can "shatter me" like it has before so I act like they want
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 19:52
thats still abuse
RaiuI dag kl. 19:53
That's literal abuse.
VyorI dag kl. 19:54
explicitly so
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 19:55
if they don't want to listen to you, they can listen to a case handler
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 19:57
Talking to her Sounds like trying to take down a wall. It does more damage to you Then to the wall Granted, She Sounds more like a spiked wall
DexI dag kl. 20:03
I called the police
they made a note of my call
but they couldnt do anything for me
AtanahI dag kl. 20:03
what did you tell them?
DexI dag kl. 20:04
about my brother and his girlfriend and how they talk to me, how I was in that house for 34 days
the things we have discussed
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:04
documentation is important, it establishes a history
DexI dag kl. 20:04
they said "it must be their turn to be in the house and also take those dogs to a shelter."
"you need to talk to your brother about this"
AtanahI dag kl. 20:04
did you tell them about the messages?
DexI dag kl. 20:04
and I told her he wont listen
I did yes but thats not their jurisdiction
AtanahI dag kl. 20:04
i mean... it is
DexI dag kl. 20:05
except apparently it isnt
this is not enough for a case atanah
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:05
its not the phoneladies, no, but it is the police's
DexI dag kl. 20:05
it needs to have taken place in a visible format like SMS or recorded conversations for a long time
before its considered an abuse case
AtanahI dag kl. 20:05
but it have... and you have sms messages
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:06
Whats a 'long time' Are we talking years or months?
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:06
this is something to submint in person, not over phone
they are going to need that month and more
AtanahI dag kl. 20:06
i mean i am a witness who can say it has been years... and so is your psyciatrist
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:07
^this
DexI dag kl. 20:07
I want to punch myself over this
I reaaally want to just hammer myself until blood spatters
I cannot emotionally connect any dots anymore
everything is chaos inside
at least pain brings some clarity
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:09
Dex Making change is very hard, Especialy With all that chaos. But... I am... Proud is not the right word, but I am...glad you were able to make this step. Changing things is hard and I hope it pays off.
DexI dag kl. 20:10
I havent even told them off
but this shit
I dont know.
AtanahI dag kl. 20:10
shall i call kim to come and help you?
DexI dag kl. 20:10
what could he even do
AtanahI dag kl. 20:10
talk with you
talk with the police
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:11
what you are doing does not call for punching yourself
you are taking a stand and you'r brother and his gal is trying t knock you back down again
thats not how this acceptabily works
they owe you the means to deal with your needs
hunting is not a need
if your brother actually cared about you, that would not be their reason to force you they way they do
DexI dag kl. 20:13
"but we are out of options!"
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:13
I understand where Dex is coming from Because its So frustrating you want something happening, to focus on. But...its not good Maybe its good for that friend to Come over. Someone actually listening does help.
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:13
they aren't out of options
flash sale is a thing
they are refusing options
they are refusing to hand over control
third party accompanyment, and recordings
they will bulldoze you less when more people show them that they are the dicks
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:16
What were there other 'options' because being out of options is selling it short. There are often alternative routes. But those are not as easy for them. Not as cheap either. Why ask for a third party when you can bully someone into doing it for you.
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:17
options are never gone. because there are aspca places to drop the dogs off for free
they will be taken care of by somebody
there are pawn shops that do pick ups
DexI dag kl. 20:17
my head keeps screaming that it doesnt matter anymore
that I should just shut up
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:17
theres even bulk garbage companies
it never doesn't matter
shutting up is what they want
but it doesn't help you
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:18
That is what they want, or atleast the girlfriend, and fuck them. Get mad, what is anger but speaking up when things are unfair
Oke, let me rephrase that
DexI dag kl. 20:19
but its currently unfair to them in their head and they dont respect my words so nothing I say mean anything
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:19
because they refuse to look
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:19
Compliance and shutting up only causes the problem to last longer Offer alternate solutions, and if they do not take those, force them
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:19
they refuse to acknowledge that its not all about them
you need to take care of yourself. everything else is third
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:20
They can choose now, but if they keep being shit heads you will make them choose. Or else you will cut them off. I am pretty sure you can set their numbers on ignore. Don't take any messages from them. If they think that is unfair, then they should have stopped when you showed that you were done.
They do not want compromise, they want to have the whole cake. Life is full of compromise, it is not fun but a part of life. You need to share the cake. But they want the whole cake. So what they missed some birthdays that are 'ruined', I am pretty sure they ruined an entire month.
DexI dag kl. 20:23
yeah but that month is a positive thing to them because I finally got off my ass and helped them.
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:24
and they could have had more if they listened to you
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:26
So a positive month is worth torturing someone? From the sounds of it you tried to it the balanced and good way, and they abused your trust and nature. I advice not talking through phone anymore, as in not reacting at all anymore to long conversations and only planning in person with a friend. Because you need someone who thinks about you. It has been 2 against 1, and they have been pushing you around
DexI dag kl. 20:27
they would see that as being a coward because im not doing it myself
the day I "ran away" my brother called me broiling mad
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:27
pot calling the kettle black
DexI dag kl. 20:27
I couldnt handle the call and gave it to atanah
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:28
they did it first
DexI dag kl. 20:28
atanah goes "Dex isnt doing so well right now." And my brother went "Yeah he isnt the only one." and hung up instantly
they will not talk to third parties
they only want me
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:28
they had you long enough it sounds like
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:28
and you do not want them. Refuse to talk with them at all, except with a third party
if they want your help, they have to except a third party.
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:29
they have to accept a level playing field
DexI dag kl. 20:30
it dodesnt matter anymore. I want to die... I am so tired
but I wont rest
I will be unsettled about this
for
who knows how long
I am always the assshole and now im just whining
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:31
you aren't the asshole
DexI dag kl. 20:32
my body is so heavy now.
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:32
whining is used to belittle someone elses complaints. Because if you do not complain, nothing chances. They call you a whiner, they make you feel like an asshole, to control you.
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:32
and whining just means something could be better
have you seen your therapist recently?
DexI dag kl. 20:33
I havent had my psychologist for like 8 months(redigeret)
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:33
step one is an appointment then
DexI dag kl. 20:33
my current "psychologist" is my social helper
I dont have anymore appointments
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:34
step two is making them go through her
DexI dag kl. 20:34
I have to pay for the next one
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:35
i think even your social helper could tell that what they are doing is dumb
DexI dag kl. 20:35
she already did with the last time where they yelled "I am so DISAPPOINTED!!"
in the SMS.
she said thats weirdly hostile and not at all friendly
thats not hte full message, it was about her birthdfays again
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:36
...how many birthdays does she have?
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:36
still shows that they are not think about you
DexI dag kl. 20:36
first its her two brothers
then her mothers
then her own
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:36
that they arent talking with you but at you
DexI dag kl. 20:36
because they go to work, they have stuff planned, they have things they neeed to do
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:36
its not like its any of their last birthdays
DexI dag kl. 20:36
but I dont do anything but sit on my ass licking my own eyeballs
to them
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:37
because they aren't paying attention
and they don't care that that isn't what you do
they can shelter the dogs and let the house sit a month if it really comes to bdays over progress
DexI dag kl. 20:38
I want to post all of this to the TS thread...
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:38
bdays over being decent people
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:39
Look, I had to move my birthday because of exams. Because there are things that are more important then birthday parties. But they do not care about you, they care about themselves. because you tried it their way and it was not enough.
DexI dag kl. 20:40
its never enough.
derpalicious lizboiI dag kl. 20:40
They will not look out for your health, so you have to.
ClockworkpieceI dag kl. 20:41
life is about the fact that its never enough
