Confused Jackie Chan and Facepalming Picard Counter
All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard



Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: XXI

1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? :jackiechan: )
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( :jackiechan: )
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( :jackiechan: What is going on?!)
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( :jackiechan: THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)
1D100 = 6+20 => 26 ( :jackiechan: How?! Why?!)
1D100 = 21-15-10-5+10+5 => 6 ( :jackiechan: If you had gotten a Crit Fail here, I swear again–)
1D100 = Nat! 95+10+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 105 ( :jackiechan: This was not part of the plan!! How the heck–)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
87+15+15+30-20-10 =Art!Crit! 117 ( :jackiechan: Da heck?!)
1D100 = 85+15+30-10 => Art!Crit! 120 ( :jackiechan: What is this rollercoaster nonsense?!)
1D100 = 19+10+10+5 => 44 (Whu–?! :jackiechan: )
3D2000 = 1996+1984+855 => 4835 ( :jackiechan: Really?!)
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 87+10 => Art!Crit! 97 ( :jackiechan: No no no no no no... Wait wait wait wait... WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT)
1D100 = Nat! 1+10-10 => Nat!Fail! 1 ( :jackiechan: The hell?!)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat! 98+10+5 => Nat!Crit! 113 (Oh, for– :jackiechan: )
1D100 = 91-5+5 => Art!Crit! 96 ( :jackiechan: Why are my dice like this?)

|==================================|

Total Facepalming Picard Tally: XIX

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( :facepalm: ...of course.)
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( :facepalm: Can anything be normal in my quest?)
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( :facepalm: I'm done... I've had enough of this.)
1D100 = Nat! 99+10+5 => Nat! Crit! 114 ( :facepalm: Of course, why wouldn't this happen?)
1D100 = 94+15+10+5 => Art!Crit! 129 ( :facepalm: If you had gotten a Nat Crit, I swear...)
1D100 = Nat! 100+20+15+10-10 => Nat!Crit! 135 ( :jackiechan: Dilliam Wuke's having a stronk... call a Dukulance... :facepalm: )
1D100 = 27-5-15-15-30+20+25 => 7 ( :facepalm: Well, at least it's not a crit fail...)
...Why do I do this to myself? :facepalm:
1D100 = 93+10+5 => Art!Crit! 108 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = 89+10 => Art!Crit! 99 (Of course... :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20+10+5+5+5 => Nat!Crit! 145 ( :jackiechan: Not again... Not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = Nat!100+20 => (Autopass!) Nat!Crit! 120 ( :facepalm: If you'll all excuse me for one sec...)
1D100 = Nat! 5+10-10-5 => Nat!Fail! 0 ( :jackiechan: Not again, not again!! :facepalm: )
1D100 = 19-10-10+10 = 9 ( :facepalm: Of course, what else would I expect?)
1D100 = Nat! 95-10-5+10 => Nat!Crit! 90 ( :facepalm: Bipolar dice much?)



@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.
 
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So can we go Sherman on Georgia a hundred years early?
Would not recommend that. It's been about 150 years since then and they're still places recovering from that...march. We would be making Georgia chronically underdeveloped especially this early and it wouldn't just be Loyalist suffering.

Edit: for some perspective. Sherman's March and the Civil War more broadly decimated the population, devastated the land of its fertility, and depleted like 75% of its wealth. It went from one of the wealthiest states to one of the most impoverished. Granted part of that is that they didn't have slave anymore, but Sherman is rightfully hated by Georgians.
 
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Yeah the souths going to be a mess if not dealt with. Luckily it's going to be a while till the British can raise enough men to help the loyalists down there. Especially if they're also protecting Canada. So theoretically a strong enough deployment from the continental army will be able help the Patriot militias down there.
 
Turn V – March 1776
"You've got to look under every rock, or a politician may bite you."
–Aristophanes



February 20, 1776
Outskirts of Boston, Massachusetts


Brigadier General Jonathan Halbert smiled as he surveyed the men scattered across the camp, lounging in clusters as if the weight of months of battle had finally been lifted. The air held a faint warmth; the spring thaw was beginning, promising softer ground and gentler weather. For most of these men, it meant the end of their long campaign—soon, they'd be going home. Boston was free, and that city, with its defiant heart, had been the reason many of them had taken up arms in the first place. Now, they sat, at ease for once, content to be idle in the fleeting peace.

Halbert moved forward, his boots sinking slightly in the softening ground. As he walked among them, a hush began to ripple through the camp. One by one, the men turned their eyes to him, curious, uncertain. The murmurs faded into silence as every soldier gathered around, waiting. They knew what this moment was, what it meant. Halbert had promised them much—to make them soldiers, even rangers in the tradition of Rogers' Rangers. While time had limited how far they could go, they had risen to the challenge. They had proven their bravery, their duty. Halbert felt a surge of pride; they had become soldiers worth their salt, and that was no small accomplishment.

But he knew pride alone wouldn't be enough now that the war had reached a turning point. For many, thoughts of home loomed larger than duty. Home was the dream that had sustained them, and it was a dream now so close, they could almost taste it.

Halbert sighed, letting the silence settle before he began. He looked over them, men from farms and villages, tradesmen and laborers turned soldiers, and his voice was low, resonant. "Gentlemen, you are among the finest soldiers in this army. Many of you may be thinking—and perhaps foolishly—that the war is over. The regulars have been beaten, and now you wait, expecting that men of power and influence will finish what we bled to begin."

A murmur swept through the crowd, but his commanding tone quieted it just as quickly. His words hung in the air as he paused, letting their meaning settle in. "But I do not believe it will be that simple. Nothing ever is. Until we have proof—real, solid guarantees—that our victory is secured, that peace is ours to keep, every gain we've made can still be lost. Everything we've fought for can be snatched away in the blink of an eye."

Halbert let his gaze drift across the crowd, reading the expressions of weary but attentive men. They were listening. They were ready.

"You've all done more than anyone expected of you," he said, his voice filled with quiet pride. "You've faced fire and fear. You've shown courage in the worst of times. But this is no time to be complacent. If we want to hold onto what we've won, to see that peace last, we may be asked to stand once more—until the day comes when no one can take it from us."

The men looked at him, some with eyes hardened by battle, others with the spark of determination he had seen before each fight. Halbert took a breath, letting the importance of his words settle over them like the stillness before a storm.

"I am asking you to stay, and I hope you will." He smiled. "That is all."

The next day, he would begin his journey to Philadelphia.



March 3, 1776
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania


The Philadelphia air was abuzz with a jubilant aura as Halbert's carriage slowly rolled its way through the streets, with its horses' hooves clapping along the way. Halbert, adjusting the red sash across his uniform, peeked out the window to see children playing in the streets, elderly women gossiping, and men of various trades heading to work. It was as if there was no war, no possible threat of British troops coming to invade. And yet, a calm but excited energy was about the populace, an implicit trust in their soldiers to overcome the British threat and secure their freedoms.

Halbert only hoped that the Continental Army would be able to justify that trust as he let go of the curtains, a pensive expression upon his face.

"Chin up, sir. Melancholy does not suit your ugly mug."

Halbert turned to glare at his aide-de-camp, who innocently smiled back.

"What?" Tommy cheekily shrugged.



It is March 1, 1776. Brigadier General Jonathan "Mad John" Barclay Halbert, former commander of the 7th Continental Regiment, is currently in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to meet with Congress for his newest assignment.

Jonathan is a Brigadier General in the Army of Observation and is paid fifty dollars per month, the standard wage of his rank.

His current assets are as follows...

–1,800 Continental Dollars

–100 British Pounds

–A wagon that holds your personal belongings.

–An officer's sword and uniform, as well as a pistol.

–An officer's winter coat and other assorted fancy wear.

–A silver pocket watch.

–Military History Books: A small collection of books on military history, the most detailed being one focused on the Second Punic War. (+5 to all Martial rolls.)




Halbert has gained a new Trait. What is this new trait?

[] Liberty's Bastion – Your stand at Bunker Hill has impressed upon you the importance of fortifications and a strong defense. You will stand for freedom and take no step back. (+2 Martial, +15 to Battle Rolls when defending and building fortifications, and -10 to Battle Rolls when attacking.)

[] Logistical Master – You have learned that logistics can win wars with the success of the Noble Train and your successful cordon around Boston. (+3 Stewardship, +1 Martial, and the Bonus you gain from excess Martial* is added to Stewardship Actions.)

[] Carpe Diem – Your audacious raid on the HMS Lively and your daring Noble Train have confirmed that above all else, audacity breeds victory. (+3 Martial, -2 Intrigue, and a stacking +10 Bonus to Battle Rolls for every Roll you win beforehand but -10 to Battle Rolls for every Roll you lose beforehand.)

*If you have 30 Martial, Stewardship Actions gain a +5 Bonus.

You have six Actions this Turn. Use them wisely.

Special


[] Congressional Commission: You have been called before Congress in order to receive your newest orders. (Must be taken this Turn.)

[] Pennsylvania Gazette: Your newfound acquaintances from the Pennsylvania Gazette wish for an interview with the youngest general of the Continental Army.

Martial

[] Uniform in Standard: The Continental Army has no official flag to rally around; this should probably be rectified.

[] Uniform in Clothes: There are no official uniforms for the soldiers, with many walking around in civilian outfits. If you wish to gain the respect of foreign powers, you will need to change this.

[] Uniform in Spirit: Despite the Continental Army being made up of men from all over the Colonies, there is a lack of patriotic fervor or unity among them. If you'll be fighting for any longer, this needs to be rectified.

[] General Allies: You've decided to meet with army officers currently in Philadelphia, familiarizing yourself with them and possibly making some new allies.

Diplomacy

[] High Society: Many wish to have you come to their balls as their guest of honor; might as well oblige them.

[] Friends in Elected Places: It turns out you have some allies in Congress you had no knowledge of.

[] Able Abolitionists: The Society for the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held in Bondage has sent you an invitation to speak at one of their events.

[] Try to Write Something: You want to write something for the world to read. Whether it be for yourself or to help your cause, you just wish to write it.

Stewardship

[] Check your Stocks: A good merchant, even one that is joining a battle, always travels with his stores of whatever he wants to sell. Maybe there's something in the carts that could help. Hopefully. (Can be taken two more times.)

[] In for a Pence: You've done the numbers, and if you sell the stock you have in your father's business, the army would be able to be supplied for about a year. Well... in for a pence, in for a pound.

[] Simple Pleasures: You wish to purchase some stuff for your own pleasure.

Intrigue

[] Wars and Rumors of Wars: Taverns are prime places to learn information and rumors. A visit or two wouldn't hurt.

Learning

[] An Issue to Resolve: There is always something that the faculty needs to resolve. But you… have the power to potentially resolve that something. So saddle forth and do something about it. (This will lead to the creation of other options.)

[] Learn a New Skill: You want to expand your skillset and broaden your knowledge.
-[] Write in what skill you wish to learn. (Subject to QM Approval.)

Prowess

[] Exercise: If you're going to fight in this Revolution, you are going to need to shape up and work your body. Right now.

[] Train with Weapons: If you're going to fight in this Revolution, it would be wise for you to learn how to actually use a weapon.
-[] Write in which weapon you want to train with.

Personal

[] Focus on an Action: You want to make sure you accomplish this task well. (Applies a +10 Bonus to any action of your choice.)
-[] Write in which Action you wish to apply the bonus to.

[] Pray: You're not the most religious man, but a talk with God wouldn't hurt.

[] Write to your Family: You want to keep in touch with your family, make sure that they're doing well.

[] Forgo Payment: You've decided to not accept payment as a Brigadier General, the money that would have paid for your salary being diverted to help the war effort.

Aide-de-Camp/s (These are independent from the limited Actions you have.)

What do you want to do with Thomas "Tommy" Navarre? (Pick one)


[] Assistance for Action: You need Tommy to help you with something.
-[] Write-in which Action Tommy helps you with.

[] Independent Action: You need Tommy to do something for you.
-[] Write-in which Action Tommy does for you.



Author's Notes:

I'm restricting your Actions this time around because you don't have much time to stick around. The Revolution, though scoring major successes early on, is still hanging in the balance. I also highly suggest you check out
Halbert's Character Sheet and the Omake and Omake Reward List to see the Bonuses you'll get for this Turn.

As promised, let's see if Rogers manages to join the Continental Army this time around.

1d100 = 34+20 => 54



Just barely, Robert Rogers has become an officer in the Continental Army... as only a Lt. Colonel. Truly, being Robert Rogers is to suffer.

Thanks again to @Magoose for helping with this update.

Revolutionary Fun Fact–John Laurens, friend of Alexander Hamilton and ardent opponent of slavery, attempted three times to create a regiment of slaves thay would serve in exchange for their freedom. Each time, the proposal was defeated by opposition from his home state of South Carolina, including the state's Governor John Rutledge and General Christopher Gadsden.

He would die August 27, 1782, at the age of 27 at the Battle of Combahee River, one of the last skirmishes of the war.
 
[X] Plan: Making a Difference
-[X] Carpe Diem – Your audacious raid on the HMS Lively and your daring Noble Train have confirmed that above all else, audacity breeds victory. (+3 Martial, -2 Intrigue, and a stacking +10 Bonus to Battle Rolls for every Roll you win beforehand but -10 to Battle Rolls for every Roll you lose beforehand.)
-[X] Congressional Commission
-[X] Pennsylvania Gazette
-[X] Uniform in Standard
-[X] Uniform in Clothes
-[X] Uniform in Spirit
-[X] Able Abolitionists
-[X] Independent Action: You need Tommy to do something for you.
--[X] Wars and Rumors of Wars
 
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I was thinking about this exact plan, but it looks like someone beat me to the punch.

[X] Plan: Making a Difference
 
[X] plan let's get hitched

-[X] Logistical Master – You have learned that logistics can win wars with the success of the Noble Train and your successful cordon around Boston. (+3 Stewardship, +1 Martial, and the Bonus you gain from excess Martial* is added to Stewardship Actions.)

-[X] Congressional Commission: You have been called before Congress in order to receive your newest orders. (Must be taken this Turn.)

-[X] Pennsylvania Gazette: Your newfound acquaintances from the Pennsylvania Gazette wish for an interview with the youngest general of the Continental Army.

-[X] Uniform in Clothes: There are no official uniforms for the soldiers, with many walking around in civilian outfits. If you wish to gain the respect of foreign powers, you will need to change this.

-[X] Uniform in Standard: The Continental Army has no official flag to rally around; this should probably be rectified.

-[X] High Society: Many wish to have you come to their balls as their guest of honor; might as well oblige them.

-[X] Able Abolitionists: The Society for the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held in Bondage has sent you an invitation to speak at one of their events.

-[X] Independent Action: You need Tommy to do something for you.
--[X] Wars and Rumors of Wars: Taverns are prime places to learn information and rumors. A visit or two wouldn't hurt.
 
Remember that Secret Roll I made some time ago Secret. Well, here's the result of that Roll!

Secret Roll – Do you have any allies in the Congress (Halbert does not know who these men are.)

1D100 = 69+15+15-10-10 => 79

Where are they from?

1 Virginia, 2 Pennsylvania, 3 New York, 4 Massachusetts, 5 Rhode Island, 6 Connecticut, 7 Georgia, 8 South Carolina, 9 North Carolina, 10 New Jersey, 11 Maryland, 12 New Hampshire, 13 Delaware

2D13 = 5, 1

Which Rhode Island delegate?

1 Stephen Hopkins, 2 William Ellery, 3 Samuel Ward

1D3 = Stephen Hopkins

Which Virginia delegate?

1 Thomas Jefferson, 2 Carter Braxton, 3 Francis Lightfoot Lee, 4 Richard Henry Lee, 5 Thomas Nelson Jr., 6 George Wythe

1D6 = 3

Results: Stephen Hopkins of Rhode Island and Francis Lightfoot Lee of Virginia have become advocates for Halbert. In Lee's case, this is in spite of Halbert's abolitionism; due to the general's newfound fame and status as a hero in Virginia, as well as being a native Virginian, Lee finds it prudent to support Halbert. In Hopkins' case, the man, despite owning slaves himself, is open to the limited abolition of slavery, and he personally admires Halbert's courage and daring-do. He may be persuaded to go full abolitionist later on.

However, this unofficial patronage (unknown to Halbert) from Hopkins has caused a small drop in opinion from Samuel Ward, a delegate from Rhode Island, due to the man's rivalry with Stephen Hopkins.
 
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