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Metroid: Zero Missions At All

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To quote @Laryna6 about this idea:
Or she's a perfectly well brought-up giant alien bird.
...hitting on people by dancing in front of them might not be ineffective if in the Zero Suit.
 
NHO said:
To quote @Laryna6 about this idea:
Or she's a perfectly well brought-up giant alien bird.
...hitting on people by dancing in front of them might not be ineffective if in the Zero Suit.
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Bird Mating Rituals:

Singing- Samus: " Let me sing you the song of my people."

*Every window and eardrum shatters within 3 blocks*

Displays- "Samus please stop aiming your hand cannon at me."

Dancing- "We are here at the Earth capitol where a total of 200 people were injured as Inter-Galactic Bounty Hunter, Samus Aran, suddenly burst into a fit of dancing. Eye-witnesses claim this occurred after a gentleman offered her a cone of Rocky Road Ice-Cream..."

Preening- Samus: "I like you."

OC: "Oh, uh-"

*Samus snaps on rubber gloves and a thick brush*

Samus: "Assume the position please."

Feeding- OC: "Samus, we need to talk."

Samus: "Did you find the morsol appetizing?"

OC: "Samus I'm a diabetic! You left an entire cargo ship of Rocky Road on my front lawn!"

Samus: "I am willing to share."
 
TheOneMoiderah said:
[Space Magic]​


The next day, Samus was idly walking through a nearby park. She stared at the kids on the playground, idly watching as they goofed around and played with their parents. She took a deep breath and sighed, before she felt a light tug on her sleeve.
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Stopped reading right there.

TIEM FOR D'AWW.

 
"Look, I'm telling you, we don't have any openings!"

"What?!" Across a desk, there was a gruff-looking man, smoking a cigar while dressed in some heavily modified Galactic Federation armor. He looked pissed. "I did all that shit, and what, you're not paying me?!"

"What I'm saying is that we can't afford to pay you right now." The man at the desk sighed. "Look, what I'm saying is that the AUs run on a strict schedule. We won't be accepting new bounties until the shipment's off at Pluto. Until then, you could store him here, and we can pay you when we send him to-"

"I ain't letting you keep 'im! He's fucking mine! You thieves could swindle me again!"

"That was an intern accidentally typing an extra zero." The man at the desk said.

"Bullshit!"

Just as the man shouted, the door rang. Right behind him, there was a ringing of a doorbell, followed by a tall, muscular woman walking through. Her steps were made slightly heavier by the extra weight, and though she was dressed in normal clothing, her demeanor seemed...odd. "Hello." She said. "Have I interrupted anything?"

"No." The other hunter muttered. "Not a goddamn thing."

Samus just shrugged. "Well, I have two potential bounties." She said. "Two earth-bound ones. To be locked away on an Earth facility."

The man behind the desk blinked. "...Really? Low-budget thieves and crooks? You seem awfully..." He paused. "Uh..."

"These people aren't worth much." Samus said. "I simply felt like turning them in."

"...Really?"

"Really." Samus said, before she dumped one of them on the desk. The man behind it jumped a little. "My payment?"

"Uh...coming soon...I...uh...I guess." The man said. "...Why my desk, though?"

"Good." Samus said. "I am stuck on Earth for a while. I might as well have some profit out of it." Samus turned.

"Wait, haven't you even done Earth-bound bounties before?!" The man behind the desk shouted. "You don't just dump them on my desk! What if they escape-!"

"They won't be escaping." Samus said, flatly. "I made sure of that."

Just as she said that, one of the people on the desk let out a quiet sob, while the other slumped off and banged his head against the floor.

"...What the fuck did you even do."

"They may be relatively low-level, but they're still ultimately criminals that need hunting." Samus said. "I wish you a good day."

[KILLING TIME AS A NOTORIOUS BOUNTY HUNTER]​
 
Must be petty thieves that though stealing Rocky Road and making bird jokes is easy shit.

Anyway, what do to guys think she did to them?
 
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Samus is blessed with Chozo DNA- this is part of why she is so tall, I believe. She also has... basically nothing but muscle on a tall lean frame; and her muscle mass is not very bulky (I would imagine this is in part beecause she does not fight things with her own body but while making use of the Power Suit).

I don't think it's that odd, but I do not know at all how weight of Chozo nor know well how weight of humans works at this time. I should read up.

But the spoon looks too small, would Samus not have her own personal spoon that is better befiting her body size and eating habits? That only looks like a normal tablespoon to me (but my sense of scale is a very weak point)...
 
Eliwan said:
Samus is blessed with Chozo DNA- this is part of why she is so tall, I believe. She also has... basically nothing but muscle on a tall lean frame; and her muscle mass is not very bulky (I would imagine this is in part beecause she does not fight things with her own body but while making use of the Power Suit).
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You know, I think there's a different reason for this.

Just, you know.

Might be a different reason. Slightly different reason. Because they want to make her look like a fucking supermodel.
 
Eliwan said:
Samus is blessed with Chozo DNA- this is part of why she is so tall, I believe. She also has... basically nothing but muscle on a tall lean frame; and her muscle mass is not very bulky (I would imagine this is in part beecause she does not fight things with her own body but while making use of the Power Suit).

I don't think it's that odd, but I do not know at all how weight of Chozo nor know well how weight of humans works at this time. I should read up.

But the spoon looks too small, would Samus not have her own personal spoon that is better befiting her body size and eating habits? That only looks like a normal tablespoon to me (but my sense of scale is a very weak point)...
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Personally, I almost always go for the smallest practical spoon I can, especially with desserts, so I see no issues with Samus having a "normal" small spoon.

But that's just me.
 
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