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Metroid: Zero Missions At All

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    • [Space Magic]​


    The next day, Samus was idly walking through a nearby park. She stared at the kids on the playground, idly watching as they goofed around and played with their parents. She took a deep breath and sighed, before she felt a light tug on her sleeve.

    "Hm?" To her right was a small boy, easily around five. There was a gap in his front teeth, a bunch of freckles on his face, with a mat of brown hair on his head. "Is something the matter?"

    "Are you Samus?" He asked.

    Samus paused. She tilted her head at the boy, noticing that, yes, she was absolutely towering over him. She awkwardly shifted herself to a knee. "Yes, I am."

    He grinned broadly. "Oh wow that's so cool! I met Samus!"

    "Um...thank you?" Samus tilted her head.

    "You killed the bad guys and you roam the galaxy and stuff and you shoot pirates!"

    She noticed that he had a tiny little GF dogtag on his wrist, before noticing that his dad, who had a similar shade of hair and facial structure, also had it. She nodded slowly, realizing that perhaps her escapades around the galaxy did some good. "My name goes around, doesn't it?"

    The little boy nodded rapidly.

    "Well, what did you want to ask me?"

    "Uh..." He paused, before he noticed something. Samus' ponytail swished about in the wind. It was combed to a bare minimum, unkempt and never cut. It would have easily reached down to her thigh. "...How does that fit in your armor?"

    "My armor?" Samus said. "Well...if you really must ask..." She took a deep breath. "You see, whenever I activate a button on my upper chest region it glows a bright magenta at a very specifc wavelength. That wavelength is important, as it is the marking of a proper chozo device before the rest of my zero suit forms above it, followed soon after by the rest of my suit, which materializes using reality-warping nanomachines and nanites and nanobots, all of which were created in earnest by my Chozo friends and family. The Chozo are a race that raised me from after my biological family's demise and have thus allowed me to live on as one of their own. With their help I have been able to learn their secrets, such as the fact that the materializing nanobots will warp reality when they form my suit. WIth that warping of reality, any item that isn't vital to my life is then stored as a part of me in an alternate dimension, at the junction x-3, y-54334, z-4390, zprime-4993-"

    She kept droning on and on, and as she did, several of the other kids stopped playing on the swingsets. The boy's father eventually walked over in the midst of Samus' explanation. He motioned to let his son know it was time to leave, but the child was still listening to Samus drone on and on in complete and total earnest.

    By the half-hour mark, the boy's father had started lying on the ground, counting clouds. By the forty-five minute mark, the father rolled across the ground, bored out of his gourd. By the fiftieth minute mark, he had resigned himself to his fate, but that was right before...

    "-And when that process is finally complete, I can take my hair out of my helmet without a single pulled follicle. All of this happens in a split second." Samus said, finishing.

    The boy nodded, as though he understood exactly what Samus was talking about.

    "Did you understand all of that?" Samus asked with a smile.

    "Uh...yeah! It does space magic!" The boy said.

    Samus looked a little hurt, before she just shrugged. "An acceptable reply. You are just a child." She smiled gently, as the boy's father slowly got up off of the ground.

    "Okay!" The man said. "So, I see that my boy has just met a bounty hunter and...uh...nice!" He shot Samus a thumbs-up. "But we really have to be going now!"

    "But I wanna talk to her more!" The boy said.

    The man laughed. "Well...uh...maybe later? Much later?"

    The boy whined, as Samus just watched him drag the son off, hopefully avoiding another long, boring lecture.

    [=]​

    A/N: Nanomachines, son.
     
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    • Regarding the Morph Ball and its questionable space-time nanite manipulation...
     
    I always knew she could fit in there, I was just always confused about the navigation thing. Space magic works for me.
     
    Also, Samus fitting into the Morph Ball has never been impressive. The Suit being able to compress into that shape with Samus in it? Much more impressive. The speed in which it does so is also impressive. Space magic indeed. That Game Theory episode was very disappointing in that respect.
     
    Somehow, someway, I would like to see Samus get an unwanted harem.

    Why or how this would happen, I don't know, but the results would be beautifull.

    And bloody.
     
    Requiem_Jeer said:
    Also, Samus fitting into the Morph Ball has never been impressive. The Suit being able to compress into that shape with Samus in it? Much more impressive. The speed in which it does so is also impressive. Space magic indeed. That Game Theory episode was very disappointing in that respect.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Game Theory as a whole is pretty disappointing. One episode started off with the premise "can Altair/Ezio/other assassins survive a Leap of Faith. Instead of actually answering that question, they went into some mathematical bullshit that stated the AC games took place on a planet with higher gravity than Earth. All their videos are bullshit.
     
    thesevenwielder said:
    Game Theory as a whole is pretty disappointing. One episode started off with the premise "can Altair/Ezio/other assassins survive a Leap of Faith. Instead of actually answering that question, they went into some mathematical bullshit that stated the AC games took place on a planet with higher gravity than Earth. All their videos are bullshit.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    I don't even... what?
     
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