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Metroid: Zero Missions At All

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Jonen C said:
Well, she'd do great at a social, if only someone thought to put her in contact with a good tailor.
Stores don't tend to carry her sizes, reasonably.
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So her social skills/survivability of the planet is proportional to the number of tailors carrying her size and the availability of Rocky Road?

:p
 
This stuff comes in rules of three, there's something we're missing...

We have food, we have clothes...

So something to do with Shelter? Ah, but my head is dead at this time of night, nothing witty comes to mind
 
JoJa said:
This stuff comes in rules of three, there's something we're missing...

We have food, we have clothes...

So something to do with Shelter? Ah, but my head is dead at this time of night, nothing witty comes to mind
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
She needs romance of course. Except her idea of what's romantic and everyone else's idea of what's romantic have nothing in common. Samus doesn't understand why she can never find dates and never notices the horde of admirers trying to woo her while the people she tries to woo herself end up terrified.
 
She expects males who take an interest to display colorful plumage and prance about.

Unfortunately, it seems that all the good ones are gay.
 
Samus stared at the aisle. She walked idly up and down the rows, hand on chin, before she spotted what she was looking for. "Rocky Road." She said to herself, before she threw it into her cart. She kept moving down the isle, before she eventually grabbed some dried food, some more dried food, even more dried food, another tub of ice cream, some more dried food, and a few bottles of water.

As she did, the two marines watched. "...No birdseed." Leslie murmured.

Maddie raised an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"She didn't get any birdseed."

"'Ow the 'ell is that relevant?"

"Alright, so..." Leslie idly wove her hands around. "She was raised by birds, right?"

"Chozo."

"So basically alien fucking birds."

"If you tilt yer head 'n squint, yeh."

"So, we could get 'er some birdseed!" Leslie said. "Maybe then you can see if this is just some crazy blonde chick or Samus."

"That makes no sense." Maddie said, flatly.

"...Okay, so it's just a cheapass attempt to play a joke on the biggest bounty hunter in the galaxy."

"That makes more sense." Maddie said with a shrug, as Leslie ran off to grab some cheap birdseed.
 
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Maybe she could simply give the seeds to the various birds around.

Or maybe giving seeds to someone is the first stage of Chozo courting!
 
Samus' cart was full now, and as she walked she heard someone walking behind her. Almost instinctively, she cradled her right arm, before she realized that, no, she wasn't in her power suit right now. Without hesitation, she turned around, arms up, when she noticed two GF marines, both in uniform, with a bag of birdseed.

"Hey, uh...are you Samus Aran?" The one in front asked. She had a head of red hair, a few freckles even though she was probably in her mid-twenties, and a short haircut. She spoke with an estuary accent.

"Yes." Samus said. "I am." She eyed the birdseed.

"I gotcha this!" She raised the bag.

Samus stared at it again. "Oh. Is this a joke based on the fact that I was raised by the Chozo? Because if that was the case..."

"Oh, no!" The woman said. "It's not a joke!"

Samus frowned deeply. "...Fine, then." She grabbed the bag, tore it open, removed the marine's hat, and then proceeded to pour the entire bag's contents onto her head, with several dozen people around them just staring. "That's my own joke."

Leslie stared at Samus for several good seconds, before she tapped her head. "W-what..." Right behind her, Maddie strained in an effort to hold back her laughter.

"Oh, and you are to pay for it. You were the one who picked up the birdseed for the sake of mocking my heritage, it only makes sense that you're the one who pays for it."

"U-Uh..."

Maddie couldn't stand it. She broke into very, very loud laughter.

[=]​

Outside of the supermarket, the two marines watched Samus walk away with a million bags, before she threw them into her rental hovercar and drove off.

"So what did we learn 'oday, Maddie?"

"Fuck off."

"Don't piss off 'uge Bounty 'Untahs?"

"Fuck you."

"It's a good lesson, I'd reckon."

"Bitch, I will cut you."
 
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The soldiers were lucky that there was Rocky Road in the supermarket...

For now.
 
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