Hybrid Hive: Eat Shard? (Worm/MGLN) (Complete)

meh, I'm sure people have complained that the pacing of War and Peace was too fast, or that the last season of Game of Thrones dragged things out way too long.

I'm going to state for the record @CmptrWz , I'm enjoying the story, enjoying the pacing and development, and that your stories here bring joy to my life.
 
The people who keep complaining about 'pacing' I think frequently aren't quite aware of what they really are complaining about. The story's pacing is just what they focus on while saying that 'nothing important happens'. More often then not, what they are actually complaining about is that the story doesn't match the genre they had envisioned it as. I remember when I went to see Unbreakable in the theater. After the movie there were people complaining that the movie was horrible and barely anything happened. But they had gone in expecting a Superhero action movie, and Unbreakable was a character drama. The 'important' events they were expecting were fight scenes of Good vs Evil, not introspection and slowly coming to terms with who you are.

if you go into a murder mystery expecting non-stop car chases, gun battles, explosions, and diving out of planes after the parachute, then you'll be disappointed and think the story is too slow paced. While you are watching for those action packed sequences, you miss the neuanced character interplay and detailed world building. If you go to a Michal Bay movie expecting detailed world building, intricate plots, and deep characterization... You'll again consider the movie to be paced poorly. In this case you might consider it too fast paced because it skips over all the things you thought you were going to experience.

Consider Worm's canon sequence of events. You get a chapter of world building, then MULTI CHAPTER LUNG FIGHT! A chapter or two of world building, then MULTI CHAPTER BANK HEIST! A chapter or two of world building, then BAKUDA BOMBING SPREE! The story from what I can tell focuses most of it's energy on the cape fights. So someone who comes to a story like this, Mauling Snarks, or Taylor Varga after devouring Worm expects the same sort of format. Minor world building bracketing major cape battles which take multiple chapters to resolve. And if there isn't going to be such a major cape battle for a while, time skip until then next major battle. What they get instead is a story which focuses on the people rather then the powers. Instead of the major plot points being battles against overwhelming odds, the major plot points are making friends and dealing with hurdles which crop up. Most of which are not combat related. Thus the person expecting the major plot points to be COMBAT and ACTION conclude that the story is too slow paced due to the things they consider the major plot points being minor plot points which don't crop up regularly.

From the perspective of someone expecting Hybrid Hive to follow the same format as Worm it's self, what are the major events? So far it would be the locker and Taylor getting shot. What does the story it's self consider major events? Taylor meeting Hive, Taylor and Hive's struggle to recreate and/or modify spells, and Coil's ongoing meltdown due to Taylor and Hive existing. While that meltdown has hints shown in each chapter, most of his meltdown is done in his 'split timeline' simulations. Thus until the interlude we didn't get to see what all he was trying to do. Or what Lisa had been up to since she didn't run up to Taylor and introduce herself.

As such, it's not that the story is slow paced, fast paced, or even aardvark paced. It's that it doesn't follow the expected formula of what constitutes a major event.
 
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Hi where are you finding all these databook entries on imgur? I can only find them via your links? Am I missing some collection?
I uploaded them the galleries are set to hidden which is why you can't find them with search i should probably change that. But otherwise if you want the translations of them my signature has a link to a thread with all currently translated entries for the series.
 
Also if the story is going to focus on the characters, they need to act like people, and not alien space robots wearing people suits.

There's no sense in the words written in the story that Taylor generally gives half a damn about all the people that keep attacking her. We've discussed that before- being attacked in your own home is a life and personality altering event. But she keeps cruising along ignoring it all. She's paid far more attention, in story, to whether or not she's sweating while running, than she has to have been getting shot in the chest.

If Michael bay was directing and we had another shiny explosion to distract from that, then pacing could plaster over the obvious plot problems. Without it we're left just... staring... at this cast of aliens that clearly share no motives with the human characters they're standing in for.

In a nutshell, if you want this to be character focused, they need to be REALLY GOOD characters. They need to emote and feel and value things. So far in this story nobody gives a shit about anything.
 
It's been mentioned before, but maybe a direct quote from the 2nd chapter (chapter 1) would be appropriate.

Okay, that might explain why things had been going this way. Kinda. Sorta. If she squinted at it just right, perhaps. "I'm confused, and far too calm for this situation. Shouldn't this be a school day too?"

There was another pause, perhaps the device figuring out what to say next? It had to have been at least two minutes this time before the response came back. "Your emotions are tempered in this interface as a side effect of it's implementation. It is believed that your school, 'Winslow', is closed for the time being. An introductory data packet on Device functions and interfaces is available, and has been augmented with basic information on all current Device functions. Would you like to download it?"

Since that interface is up nearly constantly, this would tend to explain Taylor's emotions being muted. And since she's been focused on her own problems (aka dealing with hyper complex math) she's been a bit oblivious to others around her. Those around her likely are quietly panicking and such. But this isn't directly impacting Taylor because she doesn't notice it. She's too busy trying to figure out how to make removable long coats and hats for her Knight Armor to pay attention to such things.
 
Since that interface is up nearly constantly, this would tend to explain Taylor's emotions being muted. And since she's been focused on her own problems (aka dealing with hyper complex math) she's been a bit oblivious to others around her. Those around her likely are quietly panicking and such. But this isn't directly impacting Taylor because she doesn't notice it. She's too busy trying to figure out how to make removable long coats and hats for her Knight Armor to pay attention to such things.
In addition

Eventually she was able to retreat to her room, her father not wanting her to go out until he was certain that the man had been an isolated incident. She threw sensor drones onto a dozen other Earths as both practice and distraction, then decided that the best course of action for 'training' today was probably trying to work on 'feeling' mana. To that end, Hive manifested a sensor drone of its own and hid it in the room while she sat there trying to tell where it was with her eyes closed.

Taylor's big thing in canon was trying to escape a lot of her problems by burying herself in cape things and her powers, which seems to be the same tack she is taking here.
 
Since that interface is up nearly constantly, this would tend to explain Taylor's emotions being muted. And since she's been focused on her own problems (aka dealing with hyper complex math) she's been a bit oblivious to others around her. Those around her likely are quietly panicking and such. But this isn't directly impacting Taylor because she doesn't notice it. She's too busy trying to figure out how to make removable long coats and hats for her Knight Armor to pay attention to such things.

This is why I keep on saying that some chapters on others' points of views would be sorely needed, to add some emotion and humanity to the story.
Let us see Danny Hebert quietly freaking the fuck out, let us see the PRT run around like headless chickens, let us see Cauldron wig out, etc.

This way everyone around Taylor would seem less like unfeeling robots and that it's just Taylor who's oblivious to how everyone's feeling and acting, so everyone else comes off as robot-like from her POV. But when seen from Danny's POV? we get the more human element then.

I love everything else about the story. The pace doesn't bother me, and the premise itself is actually very great.
just somewhat bothered by the fact that nobody seems to be acting human, that's all.
 
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This is why I keep on saying that some chapters on others' points of views would be sorely needed, to add some emotion and humanity to the story.
Let us see Danny Hebert quietly freaking the fuck out, let us see the PRT run around like headless chickens, let us see Cauldron wig out, etc.

This way everyone around Taylor would seem less like unfeeling robots and that it's just Taylor who's oblivious to how everyone's feeling and acting, so everyone else comes off as robot-like from her POV. But when seen from Danny's POV? we get the more human element then.

I love everything else about the story. The pace doesn't bother me, and the premise itself is actually very great.
just somewhat bothered by the fact that nobody seems to be acting human, that's all.
We just had the interlude where we saw multiple perspectives on Taylor's life, including Danny's.
 
We just had the interlude where we saw multiple perspectives on Taylor's life, including Danny's.

yeah, but they all barely commented on the danger that Taylor seemed to be in. Danny just muses on Taylor's weird behavior... there seems to be no worry about her safety now that people are after her for the necklace or because of her role at Winslow high school. also, Danny's segment was tiny compared to Lisa and Coil's. as seeing both Lisa and Coil pretty much took up a good chunk of that interlude. It felt like Danny's view of things were added as an afterthought... you could take his part out and it wouldn't have affected anything.
 
yeah, but they all barely commented on the danger that Taylor seemed to be in. Danny just muses on Taylor's weird behavior... there seems to be no worry about her safety now that people are after her for the necklace or because of her role at Winslow high school. also, Danny's segment was tiny compared to Lisa and Coil's. as seeing both Lisa and Coil pretty much took up a good chunk of that interlude. It felt like Danny's view of things were added as an afterthought... you could take his part out and it wouldn't have affected anything.
Except we have seen Danny do quite a bit of worrying onscreen, from his insistence that they both get back in shape together, to his bits of over-protective escorts to and from school following incidents (much to Taylor's annoyance). The first guy trying to break into the house led to him buying the best possible lock money could buy for the front door, Taylor saying she may have fallen down on a stair to hide why she had a headache from the insect control led to her having to talk him out from going to the hardware store in the middle of the night to repair said stair. Danny seems to be more concerned with the things he can handle as a father, is aware that there is definitely more going on with Taylor than she wants him to know, and, given that the necklace has kept her safe up to this point, is willing to wait and let her come to him when she is ready.
 
Even just from Taylor noticing the number of (or lack of) Enforcers when she gets out of tutoring shows how much Coil has been freaking out. Particularly since the enforcers stopped being noticeable about the same time as the home invasion and sniper attempt. Taylor's also noticed that the police and PRT have been stepping up presence in her neighborhood ever since she got shot. We are getting to see everyone else panicking. It's just that Taylor doesn't really connect the dots due to lacking the emotional cues and being distracted.
 
I suppose the problem is that they're telling us what's going on, but they're not really showing the emotion here. you know, the rule "Show us, don't tell?"
There's no description of any emotion, only logical steps being taken. Maybe that's why everyone sounds so robotic? And then it makes you forget that people DID, in fact, take the right steps to prevent something like that from happening again.

Danny wants the two of them to get into shape so that they can easily defend themselves and run away if needed. Logical. But he doesn't really make an emotional appeal to Taylor, or clearly explain the reasoning behind it. He just simply states that he thinks it'd be good if they took up exercise together, and that's it. and Taylor's just like "Okay."

Heck, even a single small blurb describing the expressions on everyone's faces would go a long way.
"Afterwards, Danny looked slightly anxious as the policemen went over everything again, just to make sure they had gotten the story right. Taylor stood by watching as they put the arrested man into the back of the car, and when their eyes met Danny looked like he was trying to calm himself down. He gave her a weak smile, in an attempt to reassure her. It wasn't needed at all, but Taylor appreciated the sentiment all the same. She gave her dad a hug in return, which seemed to help calm him down. He sighed loudly when he glanced over at the door and muttered something under his breath about getting better locks and a chain."
 
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The narration is being told from Taylor's point of view. And since her emotions are muted, her reactions to those around her who are concerned (such as her dad) is more annoyance that she can't get time alone due to her dad and the police/prt being present constantly. We are being shown others having emotions, but since the story is mostly told from Taylor's perspective she's not noticing them for the most part. She's just noticing the 'annoying' results of those emotions.
 
*sighs* so you keep on saying over and over. But did her stunted emotions and hive prevent her from being able to read body language all of a sudden? It's like she forgot how to read faces. Because that's pretty disturbing... it'd put her on the same level as Rachel Lindt, since Bitch's shard pretty much crippled her ability to read human emotions and body language.

There have been times where I was so depressed that I felt emotionally stunted and numb, but that didn't take away my ability to read people. Even when emotionally numb, I could tell if others were feeling anxious or happy. The fact that Taylor's so crippled mentally... it's just disturbing.
 
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Did you notice how she's been rather oblivious due to focusing on her goals? She is barely interacting with most people. The home invasion and police was an irritation to her, one she left to her dad while she did something else. Instead of paying attention to why her dad is being over protective, she's instead focusing on the fact that he's not giving her as much 'alone time' as she'd like. Her dad was dealing with the police in the wake of her being shot while she was badly injured. By the time she might have been able to notice him being worried or enraged, he'd already had a chance to try to collect himself so as not to worry his daughter further.

And I'll be honest with you, she's a teenager. I know when I was a teenager I was horrible at knowing if someone else was worried, scared, or what not unless it was shoved right in my face. If I was focusing on my own problems, I might not have noticed even if it was being shoved in my face.
 
it really, really pushes the suspension of disbelief to the breaking point when Taylor's so obsessed with the cape stuff that she barely doesn't seem to care what happens to herself, etc. Even a real-life robot seems to have better self-preservation instincts than she does right now.

As a poster pointed out a few pages back... Taylor should've been worried that maybe somebody found out that she was, in fact, a cape despite not having the tumor in her head. she would think that's why those guys were after her, to take the necklace away from her. But she was just like "Somebody tried to kill me. heh, no biggie."
Not even a follow-up question down the road to make sure that the guy was really just some unhinged parent who was worried about their precious kid getting in trouble over the Winslow incident, and not somebody who was trying to out her as a cape. all this crap going on, and she barely even blinks.

Emotionally stunted or not, Taylor would still be doing something about THAT while continuing to try to make an improved barrier jacket that would deflect bullets, etc.

all the power testing scenes are fun and all... but this obsession seems to be going way overboard. and Taylor is clever as hell, so she would've found a way to try to make dad left her alone more often. even if it meant having a heart-to-heart moment with her dad. saying stuff like, "Look, I know you're worried about me... you can't help being overprotective because of that. But I'll be honest, you're smothering me here. I just need some time to myself for a little bit, okay?"

Instead, it just comes off like she doesn't completely understand Danny's behavior and doesn't understand the concept of emotion.
 
You did notice her newfound obsession with being armored whenever possible, right? Or the fact that she's using her insect control to keep watch for any future attempts on her life? Her 'knights clothing' spell can stop bullets. The problem was she didn't have it up when she was shot because she was at home, in bed, where she thought she was safe.
 
doesn't explain why she didn't ask for follow-ups on the men who tried to hurt her. stunted emotions or not, Taylor would've wanted to keep informed on all of the details that were going on in the background, just to make sure. But, she just doesn't seem to care about those men who tried to kill her at all. Nobody is that self-absorbed, even as a teenager.

*sighs* you seem to be taking this really, really personally. The only reason why I'm being critical about this story is because I know CmptrWz is a great author. He's better than this.
I really enjoy his Mauling Snarks story, and his characters in that story all act like actual human beings.
I just feel that even if Taylor was emotionally stunted, she'd be able to read people's body language and note that they appeared to be acting panicked, etc. That's all it takes to make everyone else seem more human while keeping Taylor in that emotionless robot mindset.
 
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Because she already got those answers from her dad? The police don't know who hired him or why the person that hired the sniper wanted her dead. The police don't think there will be another attempt on her life within the next few days either, according to what an officer told her dad. Unless Taylor decides hack the police department's network or sneak in to access physical records she already has all the information they are likely to give her during an active criminal investigation. I know it's not what people want to hear, but contrary to what TV show depict, the police don't tell the victim every detail about the investigation.
 
and that prevents her from asking her dad if they told him anything new in the next following weeks, how? Again, brief short scenes showing us that Taylor did, in fact, try to follow up on what was happening would've helped greatly.
-------------------------------------
"Hey, dad?"
"Yes, Taylor?"
"Did they find out why that man did it?"
Danny sighs and shakes his head.
"I've been trying to find that out myself, but the friends I had on the police force told me that it was still an active criminal investigation in progress and that they legally couldn't tell me anything I wanted to know. They implied that they still didn't know, though."

Taylor looks mildly disappointed at this. "oh."
Danny smiles at her wearily. "Believe me, I want to know too. and when I know anything, I'll tell you, okay?"
Taylor simply nods at this.

Taylor then thinks to herself that it was a pity that Hive hadn't learned how to connect to a computer just yet. If it had, maybe she wouldn't have to depend on others for information like this. A brief fantasy of being a "super-hacker" flitted through her head but she dismisses it. Real-life isn't like the movies, after all.
 
Staff Notice: Ending an argument in this fashion is disruptive
At any rate, let's just agree to disagree. this debate is getting WAY out of hand.

I'm trying to give constructive criticism so that this story can be as good as Mauling Snarks is. You on the other hand, apparently feels that there shouldn't be any constructive criticism or feedback at all.
 
Warning: Warning
warning

@Aurora Moon, the post below started out okay, but then the way you finished it jaunted toward Rule 4 territory. As this is your first time, I'm going to just give you a Staff Notice regarding the issue, but if this pops up again, it will be a problem. Please don't let it become one.

At any rate, let's just agree to disagree. this debate is getting WAY out of hand.

I'm trying to give constructive criticism so that this story can be as good as Mauling Snarks is. You on the other hand, apparently feels that there shouldn't be any constructive criticism or feedback at all.

 
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