- Location
- Hyperborea
This feels like it should be in a larger font size. Like: "DAMMIT!"
Hold It In (RWBY/Transistor)
- Thread starter Prok
- Start date
- Crossover
- Location
- Hell
I am a little distant, so I felt nothing from it. I understand that it was a terrible story, but with nothing we can presently do about, I cannot seem to connect. Sorry.
I did feel disgust of the way he burrowed into her mother though.
As an aside that should not be mentioned in story but
Again, not saying it is something that even needs to be thought IC, but yeah, it gives us a reason not to bring that story up again.
I did feel disgust of the way he burrowed into her mother though.
As an aside that should not be mentioned in story but
Considering what he says to Ada
Referencing that very conversation when he does stop trying. Pretty sure it was the catalyst, very little doubt about it.
Again, not saying it is something that even needs to be thought IC, but yeah, it gives us a reason not to bring that story up again.
Typo
Funnily enough, this does seem to be the only way to kill him considering he took a machete to the head without much trouble. Rendering him down to his base materials seems to be the only option :/
ADeshantis
King on the Chromium Throne
- Location
- United states
Spin is also a pretty good option given that it's enough potential energy to nudge Remnant off-axis. It won't work the first time but that's ok.
We can apply it repeatedly.
Quest fucking accepted.
We can apply it repeatedly.
Quest fucking accepted.
Prok
Go play Star Fetchers
- Location
- Scotland
Four times.
Four times I took a step back, wondered what the hell was wrong with me, deleted half of it and started again.
Imagine how bad the first draft was.
Technically, it is.
Details so tiny nobody seems to notice- all of Jaune's speech is done in size 4, which is ever so slightly smaller than the default text size.
I don't remember when I started doing that, but it's been long enough that I can type out [ size=4] without even seeing my keyboard anymore.
If I was doing this for shock value, I would have just gone with my first draft and watched the infraction points roll in.
You have nothing to apologise for.
- Location
- Somewhere
Ok, now I have to ask:
What exactly did you put in the first draft?
That is, were there any different events or did you just go into extra details?
We need to know exactly how deprived our GM actually is
. Why?
To predict how dark future events are going to be, of course.
What exactly did you put in the first draft?
That is, were there any different events or did you just go into extra details?
We need to know exactly how deprived our GM actually is
. Why?To predict how dark future events are going to be, of course.
- Location
- USA
I've always noticed that. It's much easier to see differences in the text on mobile. It's a nice little detail that really does help flesh out Jaune's character.
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- Location
- Maybe?
Did he keep her eye? Can he do anything with that?
Wow. That's a bullshit semblence. So... yeah, couple options I guess. Pin him inside an airtight... something (we might be able to make a construct to do that?) and either crush him or deprive him of any resources for a few years or, as already suggested, process him.
- Location
- USA
Don't our functions already rip people apart if we use them on someone without Aura? I doubt it would be as easy as just spamming Breach, but we do kinda low key rip reality.
- Location
- Nowhere
- Pronouns
- She/her
I feel like I should mention that my comment wasn't in horror at the events that occurred. (Autopsies tend to skew reactions to gore and body horror)
But rather at the sheer emotional intensity of the update. I read it with the background music and it was . . . intense.
Also kudos on that update, it was incredibly well written, it could have easily devolved into gorn, but you kept it emotionally impactful.
- Location
- Hyperborea
- Location
- somewhere over there.
- Pronouns
- They/It
Cremation or other types of mass damage to the entire body (freezing, desiccation, immersion in caustic materials) tend to work on healing/shapeshifter types. Additionally, he has the disadvantage of needing aura to flesh-sculpt, so it should be possible to exhaust him if you can last long enough, then kill him while his healing is disabled.
ADeshantis
King on the Chromium Throne
- Location
- United states
Immobilizing him and repeatedly nailing him with Spin() has a certain charm to it I'm loath to give up.
Prok
Go play Star Fetchers
- Location
- Scotland
Bit of column A, bit of column B.
It wasn't any worse on a visceral level, mostly, I was still fairly spartan with the details outside of one or two things, because that's what's kept me on the right side of the line so far, but there were a few moments I cut from it because they... may have hit a little too close to home for some people. Or rather, they relied on exploiting some of the most base fears somebody can have, and I realised that, at best, I would have had a mod telling me I was toeing a line, at worst, I imagine I would have caused some people quite a bit more emotional distress than I'd be truly comfortable causing.
Because, horrifying things I write aside, I don't actually want to scar people emotionally.
Overall, nothing much changed, it was just a matter of portraying it in, not a different light, just... a softer one.
As much as I do say Boriah brings out the worst in me as a writer and a person, writing him has taught me that sometimes putting the stops back where they belong is more effective than just going up to 11 whenever it's an option.
Case in point, thank you.
... Wait, autopsies, what?
- Location
- Nowhere
- Pronouns
- She/her
Med school rotations. I've had to sit in and assist in autopsies before, both related to boating accidents funnily enough. But its the sorta thing that stays with you, definitely not my favorite area.
- Location
- USA
Darn. I was hoping you would take the fanon idea that most everyone has their own spin on the aura unlocking speach. It's always a nice change and the Villian characters always have the best changes to it.
***
As for the actual content, it might have been that I didn't listen to the music at the same time, but it didn't feel as impactful as some of you're other work. It feels a touch too sterile at times, with us missing most of the massacre. One of the few parts that did have some impact gave off a bit of vibe that felt (to me) disjointed with what was happening. I can't quite remember what it was, but the horror from that felt like it belonged in a response to molestation rather than a massacre straight out of a nightmare fuel horror film.
Might have been better to go with your earlier drafts and have them be approved by the mods. Pretty sure there's a forum for that somewhere. In my limited experience, high impact content tends to be allowed if shown in a negative light (or mods just never get around to looking at it). Most of the infractions I've seen of it have been on things that glorify the violence like with Hellsing abridged stuff.
This chapter felt like it had a lot of build up to it, and it didn't really live up to the hype I had in my head. That emotional gut punch I've come to love and expect from your strong scenes was there, but you definitely pulled the punch. (It might feel this way in comparison because your other powerful scenes are more of a sucker punch than just an emotional gut punch, so they have bonus shock value to them.)
Admittedly, I might just be incredibly lacking in empathy, or suffering from conflicting expectations of the events in this chapter.
- Location
- The Surface Of A Hostile Planet
It was probably the lack of BGM. The choice of music has a huge effect on a scene's tone.
Prok
Go play Star Fetchers
- Location
- Scotland
From a Watsonian perspective, I imagine everybody's given the same script simply because, as a speech, it does invoke some rather strong emotions, which could help with the actual unlocking of the soul. Not necessary, per se, just the easiest way to get them soul juices flowing and keep awkward silences at bay. You're unlocking somebody's soul, who wants an awkward silence while you're doing that?
From a Doylist perspective, 80% of the update was written at 4am, cut me some slack.
You have to remember that, in the end, this flashback is being told by Ada. She's remembering a horrific event from her childhood, something which has scarred her physically and mentally, and I doubt she's going to try and dwell on things like somebody getting their ribs pulled out and used as throwing knives, or a girl frantically clutching at her throat, trying to stem the flow from her jugular, movements becoming sloppier and slower as time passes, until she just... stops moving.
Not in the moment. Not where she can get absorbed by it.
Nobody likes dwelling on bad memories, no more than they have to, and it was told with a certain sterility for a good reason, more than just keeping mods off my back. Deflection with humour, the almost storybook-like structure at the beginning, the way the violence was mostly just skipped over, the third person narration, these were all very deliberate decisions, sadlibbing or not. They might have fallen a little flat in places, I'll take that, and the wait definitely wouldn't have helped people's expectations, I definitely Valve'd myself here, I'll admit that, but I stand by my decision. I understand your feeling that it isn't horror movie horror, but really... it was never meant to be.
I'm well aware of the pre-approval forum, but this was already over two weeks late, and really, I know the mods are really busy, bless their hearts, but the pre-approval wait time does average out to about five days, and we all saw what happened when I had to get it pre-approved last time.
Quests. Within quests. It was like some kind of literary cabin fever. Thread fever.
This analogy is breaking down.
My point is, could I have gone further? Probably.
Would going further have actually added anything to the story, besides some more gorn? Probably, but considering the context of the flashback, I feel it would have been...
The wrong choice, overall. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not, but I'm sticking by my logic.
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- Location
- Hell
Argh. You got me reading it since I saw the omake so that I can understand it and now I am all caught up! How dare you recommend us ongoing web novels you evil, evil, wonderful person...
Dragonjackel
GOLDEN Judgement
- Location
- Gregory House
Oh hey, I missed an update, this'll be nice.
Oh.
Oh.
That wasn't nice at all.
And he's still alive, this just won't do...
What a strange cocktail of emotions, pity, fear, anger, sadness, rage... probably more! If Grimm existed I'd have been torn apart while reading that.
Wonderfully done, QM.
Oh.
Oh.
That wasn't nice at all.
And he's still alive, this just won't do...
What a strange cocktail of emotions, pity, fear, anger, sadness, rage... probably more! If Grimm existed I'd have been torn apart while reading that.
Wonderfully done, QM.
ADeshantis
King on the Chromium Throne
- Location
- United states
- Location
- Box of Granola bars
Does not compute.
Anyways, I've finally caught up. And what a place to stop at. I'll definitely be keeping up with this quest, slasher-movie-horror made manifest aside.
ADeshantis
King on the Chromium Throne
- Location
- United states
Healing type writing is a joke from Madoka Magica, I think. Where one of the creators who was renowned for awfully dark and heart-wrenching work swore up and down he was a "healing-type" writer now, and this one was different.
If you've watched Madoka...