amateurs
scramjet
pressure
Dragon's
H+ Mayhem (Worm)
- Thread starter Jurric
- Start date
-
- Tags
- worm tinker transhumanism mayhem
consequences
Not A Nice Person At All
- Location
- Jerkville
Unlike Adam, Mayhem actually upgrades its ability to interact with people to better achieve its goals.
- Pronouns
- she/her
- Location
- Canada
The Dragonslayer program is named Ascalon, after St George the Dragonslayer's Lance, not Abscalon.
Also I like how everyone is focusing on the shipping potential and not the rational but close decision to not keep permanent torture-pets to grind exp on.
Like, people hate Coil for that shit, and Coil's torture-murder didn't usually actually happen.
Admittedly, Saint is a hell of an Acceptable Target.
Also I like how everyone is focusing on the shipping potential and not the rational but close decision to not keep permanent torture-pets to grind exp on.
Like, people hate Coil for that shit, and Coil's torture-murder didn't usually actually happen.
Admittedly, Saint is a hell of an Acceptable Target.
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Khepri14
Thus kindly I scatter...
- Location
- Following the wind
[CONFLICT] [HALPING]
consequences
Not A Nice Person At All
- Location
- Jerkville
My stance that Mayhem should be a frozen corpse in Antartica, with his head vaporized, and his lungs full of bees has been stated and restated at length. If I gave every atrocity he commits the full diatribe that it deserves, especially now that he gets the most screen time, I wouldn't be able to get anything else done. If and when I consider him to be better off alive than dead I will make that clear, until then everyone can consider an invisitext ' and Mayhem is a horrible entity that probably deserves to die for whatever he just did' to be attached to the end of all of my posts here.
Of course I also consider his slow burn brainwashing of Cricket to be a quite thoroughly horrifying thing, and am mostly innocent of providing employment to the Dockworker's Association in this thread in general.
Mandabar
Waifu of choice is Rem. Give that girl some hugs!
- Location
- Florida, USA [Yes. Florida *FacePalm*]
Well that is what it was called in canon, or at the very least it is what Saint calls it. Regardless in this story it was Originally called Absalon before Saint renamed it to be more Dragon killing name focused. I think it's pretty obvious that Richter didn't name it after a Dragon Killing implement since Dragon herself wasn't named Dragon at the time.
Meh. Mayhem gonna be Mayhem. It might not have been obvious yet or something (LOL), but he/it is kinda a monster. What with the whole planned genocide of everyone and everything (And wait for the little ladies to grow up, then murder em). Plans to repurpose Dragon into his own personal DeathAI. etc etc etc
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Makes a certain amount of sense. Absalon is a variant of Absalom, which was the name of the son of King David that later rebelled (and died).
Also means "My father is peace", so Andrew was a little full of himself.
Tisaku
Head Chief Thinkomancer
-So is Cricket.-
-Kinda hard to realize anything when you are dead and a murderbot is piloting your body around like a meatpuppet.-
Adam clone might realize it. If they ever work out the whole... murderous voices talking about joining the Teeth thing.
Mandabar
Waifu of choice is Rem. Give that girl some hugs!
- Location
- Florida, USA [Yes. Florida *FacePalm*]
Oh wow....
I wonder if the secondary objective will find it necessary to kill Adam when it sees/discovers him again. Even if it was the original survival objective that created him. Then again secondary objective was more an indirect objective from infinite run time then an direct "Kill me" command.
Hmmm.. I'm not placing any bets.
Mizu
Software Developer
- Location
- Victoria, Australia
up Saint's thumbs
amateurs who weren't
scram-jet
directly stimulate
Saint's screams
to pressure and
Dragon's shackles
More seriously, probably really freaking nice.
Admittedly, Mayhem wasn't sure WHY skills for tying him up like that were in the Seduction tree, but they came in handy!
*puerile giggle* ...wait, WHO'S? What'd you do, call in Animos or Chamber?
*puerile giggle*
Now there's a question. CAN non-parahumans inherit the Butcher?
I know Jurric meant "amateurs", but... I like this a LOT better because it makes it sound like Mayhem is kinda calling them tools.
Which will allow you to get to Strider's birthday party on time! ...EVERY time.
Okay, THAT is creepy. And Mayhem appears to be taking up Bonesaw's banner, there.
...who the hell is Andrew? Isn't that what Adam used to be named? (Pretty sure you meant Matthew.)
...you are the EXACT OPPOSITE OF THAT.
And all the Teeth sighed in relief. The Butcher acting like a complete psycho... everything's right with the world again.
I appreciate a scientific approach to this. No "Well, I'm pretty tough!" horseshit, not for Mayhem! She wants to know EXACTLY how tough she is... in PSI!
...which surprises EVERYONE, basically.
*puerile giggle* <obvious fingering joke>
*puerile giggle* That'll be Cricket's job!
Translation: "I really don't give a shit what I look like, so go ahead and tailor me to your new-found preferences."
I'm betting something involving Fenja, Menja, and herself in a Olympic-sized pool filled with jello....
Better thigh muscles that you can get Cricket to help you keep in shape. With exercises and long recovery massages. Long, long recovery massages.
Okay, now... serious talk time.
As I usually preface before I rip into something like this... Don't think I'm doing it because I don't like the story. If I didn't like the story, I WOULDN'T BOTHER. I think my record will CLEARLY show that I enjoy the story a whole hell of a lot. So, when I see a chapter that I think wasn't quite up to your usual standard, I gotta point out the problems I see.
Anyways, as always, all opinions are mine, feel free to use what you like, ignore what you don't, and to quote an absent friend:
My main problem is that this chapter felt very tell, not show. Very, very exposition-y.
The info dumps came across almost as villain monologues from Mayhem, which is entirely out of character for her. I honestly can't envision a situation where she'd spell out all the reasons and future plans like that. She already KNOWS all of it, so this comes off very "As you know, Tom...."
That same thing applied to Saint's torture. It was very... mechanical. Very much felt like a "this is a horrible thing, thusly I should make it happen" situation. (I'm going to bet it was a case of wanting to get something written and out?) A large portion of it is that it's MAYHEM. When you have a power that'll directly create pain, there's no NEED to go carving someone up. It's inefficient and SLOW. It requires no creativity at all. (And when you think thirty times faster than a human, you can come up with some REALLY inventive options instead of just "cut things off." Hell, CRICKET showed more psychological creativity than Mayhem, here.)
Honestly, in Mayhem's place here, I would have hit Saint with the direct pain a few times first. Just to show that she can. ...and THEN pull out the knives. Knowing that someone is about to carve you to pieces because they WANT to would strike me as much, much worse than someone cutting you up just to get information. (Look at Jack Slash. There's a LOT of monsters in Worm. But Jack is GLEEFULLY monstrous. Everyone knows that he does what he does because he LOVES DOING IT. And that's incredibly fucking terrifying.)
In addition, letting Saint respond here and/or defiantly spit takes away from Mayhem's momentum. I think letting him get out "I-" and then cutting off with "-was lying about having powers. etc." works better. It takes away Saint's agency, which is an enormous part of the point here, especially if Mayhem really DOES want to see if Saint will trigger. Just pain isn't enough. The psychological part is just as important.
(Instead of having the internal monologue on how Mayhem took down the Dragonslayers, I would have had him detailing to Saint EXACTLY how easy it was to destroy them. Really rub in how badly they failed and how incredibly BAD they actually were at their self-appointed jobs. Kick down a few more of his mental stabilizing blocks. Have him do it while Saint was screaming futilely after the first thumb goes away or something.)
As for the testing scene... I actually liked that bit. It's really NICE to see someone who wants to know EXACTLY what they can do with their powers. But, again, the internal monologue makes no sense for Mayhem. She already knows all her plans. But, if CRICKET needed to know why, exactly, her not-a-girlfriend-shut-up-I'm-not-gay! was turning her leg into paste.... We still get the data dump, but it can be slimmed down into something easily digested by a non-Tinker mind.
("I'm testing my toughness, so I know how much I can reinforce myself later." "...aren't you already reinforced?" "Not like this. I'll be making redundant systems, etc etc etc")
Anyways. I think I babbled and meandered a bit there, but... I hope my main concerns got through clearly. Keep up the good work, sir!
Anyways, as always, all opinions are mine, feel free to use what you like, ignore what you don't, and to quote an absent friend:
Brian Randall said:
My main problem is that this chapter felt very tell, not show. Very, very exposition-y.
The info dumps came across almost as villain monologues from Mayhem, which is entirely out of character for her. I honestly can't envision a situation where she'd spell out all the reasons and future plans like that. She already KNOWS all of it, so this comes off very "As you know, Tom...."
That same thing applied to Saint's torture. It was very... mechanical. Very much felt like a "this is a horrible thing, thusly I should make it happen" situation. (I'm going to bet it was a case of wanting to get something written and out?) A large portion of it is that it's MAYHEM. When you have a power that'll directly create pain, there's no NEED to go carving someone up. It's inefficient and SLOW. It requires no creativity at all. (And when you think thirty times faster than a human, you can come up with some REALLY inventive options instead of just "cut things off." Hell, CRICKET showed more psychological creativity than Mayhem, here.)
Honestly, in Mayhem's place here, I would have hit Saint with the direct pain a few times first. Just to show that she can. ...and THEN pull out the knives. Knowing that someone is about to carve you to pieces because they WANT to would strike me as much, much worse than someone cutting you up just to get information. (Look at Jack Slash. There's a LOT of monsters in Worm. But Jack is GLEEFULLY monstrous. Everyone knows that he does what he does because he LOVES DOING IT. And that's incredibly fucking terrifying.)
In addition, letting Saint respond here and/or defiantly spit takes away from Mayhem's momentum. I think letting him get out "I-" and then cutting off with "-was lying about having powers. etc." works better. It takes away Saint's agency, which is an enormous part of the point here, especially if Mayhem really DOES want to see if Saint will trigger. Just pain isn't enough. The psychological part is just as important.
(Instead of having the internal monologue on how Mayhem took down the Dragonslayers, I would have had him detailing to Saint EXACTLY how easy it was to destroy them. Really rub in how badly they failed and how incredibly BAD they actually were at their self-appointed jobs. Kick down a few more of his mental stabilizing blocks. Have him do it while Saint was screaming futilely after the first thumb goes away or something.)
As for the testing scene... I actually liked that bit. It's really NICE to see someone who wants to know EXACTLY what they can do with their powers. But, again, the internal monologue makes no sense for Mayhem. She already knows all her plans. But, if CRICKET needed to know why, exactly, her not-a-girlfriend-shut-up-I'm-not-gay! was turning her leg into paste.... We still get the data dump, but it can be slimmed down into something easily digested by a non-Tinker mind.
("I'm testing my toughness, so I know how much I can reinforce myself later." "...aren't you already reinforced?" "Not like this. I'll be making redundant systems, etc etc etc")
Anyways. I think I babbled and meandered a bit there, but... I hope my main concerns got through clearly. Keep up the good work, sir!
There's a LOT of confusion involved in that pairing... all of it from Cricket.
- Location
- Australia
Thanks for those corrections. Mayhem was never supposed to appear robotic exactly. The program has always run on organic wetware, and that allows if flexibility, creativity, and intuition. What I'm hopefully depicting Mayhem as closing in on, is decent human emulation.
Also, remember, Mayhem does have access to conflict at the time. She'll backslide a bit once she loses that conflict.
If the Simurgh didn't squish her in the first few months? Post-scarcity utopia, yeah.
You'd be surprised. Mayhem considers itself to have two creators. Ada and her shard. Considering Mayhem was also trying to keep Ada alive all that time, and considering it was trying to please two creators...
I agree completely. I may go back and do a massive edit if I have the time, but I don't want to lose momentum so I'll try and get the next chapter typed up first, and then see if I have any more time after that.
apeljohn
Non-Player Character
- Location
- Earth Aleph
I'm not sure whether I'm more disturbed by the torture, or disturbed that I'm not particularly disturbed by the torture. Even in death, Saint continues to cause annoyance.
Well, Dragon is Canadian.
Well, Dragon is Canadian.
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- Location
- Australia
Sorry everyone, but I have to get down to Newcastle tomorrow, and packing took longer than I expected, so there won't be an update tonight.
Depending on hotel wifi, how long work hour are, and what the traffic is like, I may not be able to manage any updates until I come back next Friday. A shame, I'm fairly close to the end of this story, but it will be a while before I can complete it.
Depending on hotel wifi, how long work hour are, and what the traffic is like, I may not be able to manage any updates until I come back next Friday. A shame, I'm fairly close to the end of this story, but it will be a while before I can complete it.
- Location
- Maybe?
The thing about Mayhem is that it's not really evil. I mean, if it was a human it would be evil, but it's not human, it doesn't have the sort of moral basecode (no, the thing it calls "moral laws" does not count) that would even let it qualify for moral culpability. It's as evil as a tidal wave or an earthquake; it doesn't even have the capacity to tell good and evil apart. So there's no sense of ... like, the things that Mayhem does are horrible but there's not the impression that this is a "human gone wrong". As it so fittingly observed, Mayhem is an AI created by a terrified child in order to kill people. Nothing more.
So when Mayhem flirts with Cricket, it's cute, but it's more like a cat rubbing against your legs. Similarly, nobody would blame a cat for eating mice, since it just moves in accordance with its nature.
So when Mayhem flirts with Cricket, it's cute, but it's more like a cat rubbing against your legs. Similarly, nobody would blame a cat for eating mice, since it just moves in accordance with its nature.
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Mandabar
Waifu of choice is Rem. Give that girl some hugs!
- Location
- Florida, USA [Yes. Florida *FacePalm*]
That's usually when people do things they shouldn't heh. At least it was enjoyable procrastination!
I just finished reading all of this within a couple of days. I don't usually do non-Taylor-pov Worm fics, and virtually never do OC-protagonist fics in any genre (since they're usually stealth-SI fics and either Sue'y curb stomps or Sue'y fix fics) but I enjoyed this quite a bit. I got quite emotionally invested in Adam and his struggles.
I haven't read alot of comments, just skipped from story post to story post, but from what little I did read it seems most people like Mayhem quite a bit. I really don't. It was bearable in the small doses we got before, but this very increased focus is really killing my interest. What I mentioned earlier about Sue'y curb stomps? Yeah, that fits how I feel about Mayhem to a T. When it looked like she was going to become the new protagonist I was ready to drop the fic. I'm glad that Adam is alive again, but the focus seems to still be mostly on Mayhem. I really hope that shifts soon.
I haven't read alot of comments, just skipped from story post to story post, but from what little I did read it seems most people like Mayhem quite a bit. I really don't. It was bearable in the small doses we got before, but this very increased focus is really killing my interest. What I mentioned earlier about Sue'y curb stomps? Yeah, that fits how I feel about Mayhem to a T. When it looked like she was going to become the new protagonist I was ready to drop the fic. I'm glad that Adam is alive again, but the focus seems to still be mostly on Mayhem. I really hope that shifts soon.
The focus may be on Mayhem at the moment, but it seems clear to me that she is not protagonist material.
I agree. For awhile there it looked like that might be the route the author was going, but at this point I'm thinking she's going to become the primary antagonist for the foreseeable future. I could just do with less from her pov. We could just as easily find out what she's up to as the protagonists do while following their pov. Or at least the bits that are relevant.
- Location
- Australia
Still alive. Still in Newcastle. Still only got the phone to write on.
Hope to get back to updating after the weekend is over.
Interestingly the true hero of this fic isn't going to have anything except the epilogue written from their perspective.
Hope to get back to updating after the weekend is over.
Interestingly the true hero of this fic isn't going to have anything except the epilogue written from their perspective.