Life has been busy for one Cu Chulainn. As it turns out, when you have a powerful, highly efficient anti-unit Noble Phantasm that is
also anti-army in a pinch, plus all the awesome that comes with being as glorious as he is, you become a natural for taking on entire micro-singularities on your own, giving the others a break. It's actually kind of amazing how many of Ritsuka's deployment plans eventually degenerated into 'throw Lancer at the problem'. And when you love fighting, there's really no reason
not to murder armies on your own. That's just kind of expected at this point.
But it also means some developments at home catch you off-guard. Like, say.
Fuckmothering Gilgamesh, King of Assholes.
Naked.
That's
his thing what the
fuck.
"Ho?" The King finally takes notice of him. He puts his hands on his waist and cocks his hips. "What a surprise, mongrel. You're actually using your legs." He calls upon the Gate, one portal open with a golden toy hammer sticking partways out. "Here, fetch."
"Man, and I was just enjoying myself," Cu smirks. He calls upon Gae Bolg and points it at Gilgamesh. "Damn, Master, you just know how to push
all my buttons."
"This isn't my fault I swear," Kana babbles, a far cry from her usual unflappable, enthusiastic self. She's vibrating in her shoes now, clearly anticipating and fearing what will come at the same time. It seems that past all the vigour and fire, his Master is still a girl.
Interesting.
"Fuhahaha!" Gilgamesh laughs. "Our Master is intimidated by the mettle of a King!" His smile turns sinister as he sneers at Lancer. "Your move,
mongrel."
Cu breathes sharply. Goldie wishes to challenge him. Well, he has the perfect response.
Cu grabs his shoulder pauldron with his free hand and rips his bodysuit off. Something like nails on a chalkboard screeches near them. Kana curls up into a ball and covers her fully-red face with her legs, while Ritsuka stands over her with his ears covered and his face dead.
"Why this," his male Master whispers.
"Yes, good!" Gilgamesh laughs. "Man to man, with nothing to be shameful of! THIS is how contests ought to be!" He dismisses his portal and spreads his arms wide, taking up a wrestling stance. "Now COME, hound! We shall settle our enmity as MEN do!"
So
that's what he's about. This isn't the shiny asshole he had to deal with in that castle. This one's
fun. "You son of a bitch," Cu grins, and tosses Gae Bolg aside. "Now you've done it! FIGHT ME!"
He kicks forward with godspeed, swinging up at the King's chin from below. Gilgamesh dodges and slams his head against Cu's. Thunder claps. The wind blows all things aside. The King grabs him by the wrists and draws him into a lock. Laughing, the Hound of Chulainn slips through his bear hug right as he is drawn in and kicks Gilgamesh in the chest.
The battle of men commences, bare as the day they were born, before their Masters' very eyes. Kana whimpers, for she is weak. Ritsuka strokes her head reassuringly, as a big brother does. Even though they are twins.
"At least they aren't killing each other," he says hopefully.
--
Today, Ritsuka Tohsaka learned something. Well, actually he learned a lot of things. Like how the King of Heroes is actually an irresponsible fratboy, that Cu is easily baited by naked wrestling, and that his sister still isn't over her personal hang-ups about things like nudity and anything vaguely lewd. Sure she talks a big game, but
man when it comes to the actual thing, or anything that resembles it, she just falls over and tries to pretend she doesn't exist. Dumb idiot would be lost without him.
Oh, but the most important thing he learned was more something he remembered:
King Gilgamesh was a brawler in his Epic.
"Hah, good fight, Archer! " Lancer, for his part, does not seem especially put out that he is currently being grappled so hard Ritsuka doesn't even know how Gilgamesh could let him go. He's not worked up over it, as he usually isn't about anything. What a guy. "I give, I give! You might be worth drinking with now!"
There is rumbling in the ground, in the walls, in the distance. Ritsuka isn't sure if anyone is still on deployment right now.
"Hmph, you might have some mettle yourself, hound," the King sneers, but it is less venomous than before. Maybe even respectful. He releases Cu and they both roll away onto their feet. "You might not be
completely worthless in this war against Incineration."
The rumbling is louder now. Ritsuka swears he's not imagining things. Kana is still on the ground, trying to get the imagery out of her head. She's useless for confirmation right now.
"Ho?" Cu smiles wolfishly. "You're
complimenting me now, Gold Archer?"
Before Gilgamesh can explain himself, the wall nearest to him comes apart. A gigantic obsidian arm, thick like a tree trunk, rips through the stone like paper and slings Gilgamesh in the neck. The King of Heroes, clotheslined through a wall, is ripped through the concrete to the sound of distant beastial roaring.
It doesn't even shock him with suddenness. Ritsuka closes his eyes irritably as the dust settles. When he opens his eyes again, Cu is once again in his skintight bodysuit, arms folded and frowning slightly. "Archer went that way," he says, pointing with his thumb. It seems that neither of the men present care very much about what just happened.
Still, he should check on them. Just to make sure no one dies. Or is further scandalised by male nudity. Ugh. "Lancer, watch her for me. And keep your pants on, god."
Lancer does a small bow and smiles. "As you command, Master."
Ritsuka turns around, steps through the blown open wall, and follows the trail of carnage at a brisk jog. No need to be urgent; both of them could probably use the workout.
--
Ritsuka reaches the end of the trail of destruction a few minutes later, thoroughly enjoying the break – besides the destruction he's going to have to send someone to fix later – and finds Gilgamesh locked in a grapple with the great Herakles. Though stronger and faster than Gilgamesh, the smaller man retains his mind, and successfully holds his own with technique and mathematical principles. So in essence it's a stalemate and no one is going to win.
He does notice Mashu on the far side, though, looking at the duel, covering her eyes but peeking through her fingers at the same time. Her face is fully red again, but again what is new?
"Hey, Mashu." Her eyes dart to him as he walks over, taking a large berth around the duelling ground, and stands next to her. She tries to form words but nothing coherent comes out. "Have they been here long?"
"N-Not really." Mashu turns away and takes a deep breath, hands on her chest. Is that some sort of ritual. "It's only been a few minutes, senpai. I was going to talk to some of the regular staff... but the room's occupied."
"Right." He looks around, at the rubble and ruin. It's a shame. But so that's what Mashu does besides help run errands and train for combat.
...Thinking about it, he just realised that he hasn't had a serious talk with Mashu since... actually they barely had a serious talk in Rome, too. There is just no
time. It's been work or life or death combat, with very few lull time in between. And he spends his breaktime sleeping or just not being around her. The only time they meet is in the morning, when she hands him coffee with a smile. Which is always a highlight of his day.
Meeting her at all is the highlight of his day, actually. It's a shame that he can't ask her out, because neither of them can commit to a relationship right now, and she deserves better.
...Also, he needs, uh. Time. To prepare himself. In case he's rejected again. If it happens again without prior warning he might do something foolish.
"So you've been watching them this entire time?"
Mashu nods. "Yes. In case they go anywhere and cause more damage."
It occurs to Ritsuka that Mashu Kyrielight might just be one of the best liars he knows. "Thank you," he says. "Yeah I think this is enough. Break it up, Herakles, Gilgamesh."
Berserker growls, refusing to let go. He tries kicking at Gil's knees to break his stance and continually changes the angle of his pushes to force the King down, but the King of Heroes counters every attack. He laughs loudly. "Why would I?" Gilgamesh shouts. "This is a good day! A true challenge in the pit, between MEN!"
Ritsuka sighs. Welp, time to try a different tack. "Okay, then why is Herakles trying to kill you?"
"I blinded his Master and ripped out her heart in the Fifth War," Gilgamesh calmly explains. "It was necessary at the time. There was no joy to gain in the act, but it had to be done. I needed the Lesser Grail, and she was uncooperative." Berserker roars in his face, spittle flying. He smirks. "Her Servant, too. Still intent on surpassing your legend, Herakles?"
He frowns. Ritsuka knows Gilgamesh tried to drown the world in the tainted Grail's mud in the fifth war. His mother mentioned it, when he finally asked her a few years ago. He needed the lesser grail, but took the heart of a Master? It had to be the Einzbern representative. And he knew the Representative was just a little girl. "Who was Herakles' Master?"
"Just some doll; it no longer matters. That was a lifetime ago." Gilgamesh frowns, thinking back on the time. Golden portals appear above and around Herakles and bind a divine chain around his neck and limbs, allowing the King of Heroes to step away. Another golden portal laps over Gilgamesh's lower body, cladding him in his lower armor. "I tire of this challenge. Where next, Master?"
"The CIC," Ritsuka says calmly. His hypothesis is correct. He does regret it, at least in this life. That is good. He would rather not spend Command Seals. He looks over at Herakles, struggling at his binds. "Herk, if you promise not to murder Gilgamesh, he'll let go."
Herakles roars again. Ritsuka looks at Gilgamesh. "He wants an apology," Ritsuka explains.
"Ho?" The Archer smirks. "You speak with the mad? Well, I suppose it is a useful skill." He turns to Berserker, arms folded. "That conflict was an age ago, Son of Zeus. I will let bygones be bygones – if you accept."
"I said
he wants an apology." Ritsuka hisses.
"And I apologise for killing the doll," Gilgamesh adds, like an afterthought.
Herakles grunts. He legs his arms and legs go slack. The holy chain returns to the Gate and the Berserker is deposited on the ground. Quiet and stoic, Herakles heads off, arms hanging limply from his sides. Ritsuka feels sympathy for the giant, but he must admit; it is a good thing Berserker broke his axe in Rome. Who knows what could have happened here, if he had a weapon?
"Let us go, Master," Gilgamesh says, the haughtiness in his voice subdued now. "This place now irks me. I wish to be rid of it."
Ritsuka nods. He turns to Mashu. "Do you want to come with? I'm sure Da Vinci and Roman have something for you to do as well."
Mashu nods. "Sure, senpai!"
--
Waver Velvet did not think very often about how two of his students have snuck their way into an organisation their parents certainly did not want them to join, or how they are now mankind's only hope. Ritsuka and Kana Tohsaka were both impressive mages – Ritsuka already a Fes despite his young age, and Kana a Cause despite her flights of fancy – and would only become more impressive as they got older. They did not need further thought, beyond the support he could provide as both Lord El Melloi II and as Zhuge Liang.
But he always liked Ritsuka better. Kana reminded him all too much of her mother during her more intolerable phases – manic, irrepressable energy. That her mother was more flustered and irritable while Kana was simply a cheeky troublemaker did not matter. She was troublesome. Ritsuka, meanwhile, was more formal, more dutiful, and straight up the better student.
It's a pity that he has to curse his name right now. Because right as he was about to leave the CIC to tend to his own workshop, meager as it is, the doors open and he is face to face with a man that strikes primal terror into his heart.
"I see the retainer of the King of Conquerors is here," Gilgamesh sneers. He raises one eyebrow. "And as a Pseudo-Servant? How interesting. How grand. I distinctly remember telling you to live for him, boy."
Mashu gasps. "Professor, you are acquainted with King Gilgamesh?"
"Acquaintence would be a bit much," Ritsuka quickly deflects.
Waver looks evenly at the King of Heroes, but internally he is screaming the song that will end the world. Curse that boy, and the girl too, for summoning
this man. "If I am to live for my king, I have to survive the incineration of man. This is the best way to do so, a support who works from the rear."
Gilgamesh nods at that. "Acceptable." Waver thinks a sigh of relief, but his face remains unreadable.
Leonardo hops over from the side room, the mechanical eagle on her shoulder warking. "Oh! A new Servant! And it's... King
Gilgamesh!" The Inventor gasps and goes up to him. "My goodness, I didn't expect to meet him so soon!"
"And you must be Leonardo Da Vinci," the King of Heroes responds. His arms still folded, the king still manages a slight smirk. "Hmph. Were it that men at large were as brilliant as you, we would have reached the stars by now."
Leonardo chuckles. "Oh
stop, that's impossible! I'm a genius, after all, it's only natural that I stand head and shoulders above other people!"
"Indeed," Gilgamesh nods. He looks to another door. "And there is another."
The door opens, Roman stepping out with a cup of coffee in hand, a sleepy Fou on his head. "What is it? Did something ha—oh." He steps fully into the doorframe, his coat lightly stained with brown specks. "You called the King of Heroes."
Gilgamesh just looks at him, a light frown set in his brow. He looks away quickly, not bothering to address him. Waver thinks he saw a slight nod beforehand. But it doesn't matter.
"Yeah," Ritsuka nods. "Fortunately he's not going to kill everyone. No tainted Grail to exploit."
Leonardo puts a finger on her cheek. "Well I
wonder~"
"Da Vinci please."
"Rude," Gilgamesh scoffs. "Drowning the world in mud would not have caused the extinction of mankind. I
am privy to the existence of the Counter Force. It would have culled the helpless and ensured the worthy remained, and under my rule we would have reached for the stars." He nods, eyes closed, and everyone looks on with concern. He opens one eye. "That said, I have no plans of doing such even after the Grand Order. Mankind is so worthless I cannot be
bothered to enact such a cull myself. You lot will manage yourselves. Find the stars or die trying, it matters not."
Leonardo laughs. "Well, naturally!"
"...Leo..." Mashu mutters.
"Why are you agreeing with him," Ritsuka asks.
Roman smiles kindly. "Well then, as Director of Chaldea, King Gilgamesh, I welcome you to Chaldea! I hope the facilities are to your liking!"
"Hmph," the King scoffs. "You pass. I suppose I will lend a few swords to the effort, after all."
That, Waver thinks, is probably good enough.
- End Chapter Nine -
"By the way Master... beware."
"Beware wha—
ohgod," Ritsuka gasps, as he is bearhugged and suplexed by a half-naked Demigod once more.
