"I hate you."
"But I try so hard!" Da Vinci pouts. She giggles as Ritsuka sighs and rolls his eyes, forced to look at himself in a full sized mirror, wearing a blue evening dress. He had to admit the dress looks nice, but the person wearing it could stand to jump into a fire right about
four hours ago.
"She tries so hard, Ritsuka," Roman echoes, the acting-Director somewhere between amused and beleagured. The useless man was wearing a matching red tuxedo, one that fit him perfectly.
He gets to look like some sort of high class twit with a martini and a monocle. Meanwhile Ritsuka is made to
be a girl. "You should cut her a little slack! This is supposed to help you, after all!"
"I fail to see how wearing a dress is going to help me," the Master grumbles. "Unless you're trying to make me lose the will to live! Because if so,
good job."
Da Vinci chuckles and pats him on the head. "Oh, let an old lady have some fun, Ritsuka. Besides, you look fantastic! You should wear dresses more often!"
"Da Vinci I don't think bullying him more right now will help," Roman says.
"Yeah
Da Vinci I don't think bullying me more right now
is helping," Ritsuka repeats bitterly.
"Also we're preparing these Mystic Codes so that in the event of, say, your gender being reversed, you'll still be able to deploy on missions into singularities that may or may not require you to be in formal attire!"
He blinks at that. "Wait. What?"
"Oh yes," Roman nods. "We're in uncharted territory, and while Leyshifting itself might be a mostly-solved science, the regions you go to may leave lasting effects. To say nothing of any hostile Servants!"
"...I'm going to try and not ponder those implications," Ritsuka says. "In that case
why am I wearing this dress now? My proportions are going to change when I... change!"
Da Vinci and Roman say nothing for a moment. They look at each other quickly before looking back at Ritsuka. "It's to make sure the style fits!" Da Vinci says cheerfully. "By the way, I love the dress. It brings the blue out of your eyes!"
"I respect you greatly, Ritsuka," Roman says to him, one hand clapped on his shoulder. "Don't you forget that. Ever."
"I hate the both of you," Ritsuka glowers.
The doors slide open suddenly, Mashu carrying two lunch boxes. "Doctor! Leo! I brought food, since you didn't show up for..." She freezes. The Shielder and the Master share a look for an ephermeal instant. Time stops. Normally, Ritsuka would love for this moment to never end, but
in this specific circumstance he really hopes time keeps moving.
Mashu's pale skin goes from white to red in an instant, like someone from on high – or Kana with a command seal – ordered it so. She quickly puts the boxes aside and looks away, staring up into a corner of the ceiling. "S-S-So I brought you two lunch!" She stutters, suddenly a nervous wreck. "R-R-Ritsuka-senpai! I didn't know you were here! S-Sorry I didn't knock!"
"I'm sorry for everything," Ritsuka responds, too dead inside for his voice to waver at all.
"...A-Ah, I'll go, uh... Go get lunch for you right now!"
"It's okay. I'll pick something up later."
"O-Okay!" Mashu bows. She bows again. "I'll make my leave! G-Good day, Leo! Good day, Doctor! G-G-G...
Good day, senpai!"
Mashu backs out of the door quickly, making tiny shuffling steps, before slamming the door shut in front of her. Ritsuka looks at the door for a while, blinking only occasionally. That... actually just happened. Dad was right.
Roman taps him on the shoulder. Ritsuka does not respond. "Aren't you going after her?"
"In a dress?" Ritsuka asks back, still dead. He shakes his head. "No. It's better this way."
"...I respect you greatly, Ritsuka. Don't you forget that. Ever."
"By the way, Ritsuka, I want to ask if you prefer frills or furs!"
"I prefer hiding in my room and never coming out again."
"...Furs it is!" Da Vinci pats him on the head with her mechanical arm. "You're free to go, Ritsuka! If there's anything else I'll contact you!"
The Master does not respond. He shambles out of the room as if in a daze, shoulders slouched and arms limp. He does not even take off the dress.
When the doors slide close behind him, Da Vinci and Roman look at each other. "I broke him, didn't I?" Da Vinci asks.
"More accurately I think young Mashu needs to learn some manners," Roman says. "Though... I'm impressed. It's like a scene out of one of my... novels."
"Oh! Romani, you simply
must lend me one of your novels to read! I'm interested!"
"...I'll do my best."
--
"Hey. Hey, Guda. What's wrong?"
They are back here again. Pitch black room. Fortress of blankets. A dark entity lurking beneath the sheets in deep slumber. And Lancer standing in the doorway, somewhere between bemused and concerned. Ritsuka says nothing. He hardly even moves, too emotionally dead to care.
"...Come on, I don't have all day," Kana sighs. "I gotta go get our new Saber – Attila the Hun by the way – from Caster's workshop and take lots of pictures! If this is because Mashu turned you down again I will jab you in the eyes."
More silence. Kana sighs and pills up her left sleeve.
"...Wait." The fortress of fluffiness stirs, and Ritsuka pokes his head out of the pile. "You summoned Attila the Hun? Why is he being dressed up at Medea's?"
"Oh, right, the best part: Attila the Hun is a fucking
magical girl!"
"What." He rubs his eyes. Looks at Lancer. Cu Chulainn gives him a single sedate nod. Dammit, she's not fucking with him. "What? What."
"It's amazing, you should come see her! She's
super cute." Kana pats him on the head again. "Come on, live a little! It's not like Mashu dumped you again!"
Ritsuka's mood dies again. He crawls back under his sheets. "Mashu saw me wearing a dress," he says, still dead inside.
"...She probably hates that you look good in it," Kana guesses. "I know I do, when I stuffed you inside that tu--"
"Not the point S-SHUT UP!"
"--tu. Hm." Kana cups her chin briefly as she grunts in thought. "You know, I'm starting to think you're not very manly!"
"Don't you
fucking go the--"
"Man, actually," Kana says with a malicious grin, "Dad's probably horribly disappointed. His boy's not a manly man like he is." She looks over at Lancer. "Say it like it is, Cu!"
"I'm not
entirely sure who your father is but I can sort of agree," says the Lancer bluntly.
Ritsuka sits upright, fire in his eyes. "And mom's probably appalled that your butt's
huge!"
Kana gasps. She trembles, tears starting to well in her eyes. "N-No... T-That's not true!"
He smirks, showing too many teeth and too much bloodthirst. "Say it like it is,
Cu."
"...Yeah, I can sort of see it," Cu Chulainn says, sagely nodding. "Congratulations, Master! You have a figure kings would go to war over!"
"NO!" Kana jumps to her feet, face red and cheeks puffed. "MY BUTT IS
NOT! BIG!"
"It's a Tohsaka thing, sis," Ritsuka says with the inevitability of time backing his words. "Ask mom about it. Better yet, ask dad. Or, you know,
check a picture."
"NO! I REFUSE! IT'S NOT BIG!" Kana runs out of the room before Ritsuka can needle her any further, bowling past the Lancer as she sprints down the hall.
"You're my sister but I'm sure Lancer loved to see you leave!" He shouts after her. A moment passes. He looks at Cu. "You
did see her leave, right?"
"How could I not?" The Lancer asks. "I have to say, Master, I feel for you. She's a troublesome one."
Ritsuka shrugs. "I'm used to it."
"Well, alright then. If you need me you know how to call." Lancer kicks his red lance up and drapes it over his shoulders. "I'm going to make sure Caster doesn't cause trouble and enslave another Saber. Try not to cry in here so much! It's not manly!"
Lancer runs out, fading into spirit form, long before Ritsuka can shake his fist and protest.
- Chapter Two End -
