.... Wait, what about an Omake where Ritsuka summons Kratos as a Berserker?

Like, it's a toss-up between the original version and the Dad of War version for who'd be more hilarious.
 
Kratos would either be Berserker or Avenger, depending on which version of him.
OG!Kratos destroyed the world in his quest for vengeance, before killing himself in order to release Hope and thus give things a chance to go right.
Dad of Boy has more or less controlled most of his anger, and has a lot of regrets, at least till the end of the game.

And each version would have different feelings on the whole summoned thing, and different interactions.


Nep would be some kind of Extra Class. Her own class, like Moon Cancer is.
 
aren't the Nepy goddess of game console or something

unless they are willing to screw their stats and ability up by possessing some one, they ain't gonna be summon-able
 
aren't the Nepy goddess of game console or something

unless they are willing to screw their stats and ability up by possessing some one, they ain't gonna be summon-able

****

"Kaaarnaaaaa-kuuun, I'm sowwy for being such a shitty Master~ I'm sowwwyyyyy~"

Karna, bless his pure heart, can only delicately grimace while patting Neptune Cancer in the head.

Arjuna looks like he want to open his mouth, but wisely, after Gil and Karna gave him 'shut up glare', closed his mouth.

"...Okay, Lancer, is there anything you want to tell me?"
 
so what, Cancer Class are for people who don't fit into any other class ?
 
There are all sorts of non-standard classes.

Only somewhat related, but apparently, Arcueid's proper class as a Servant would be "Funny Vamp".

:thonk:
 
Kratos would either be Berserker or Avenger, depending on which version of him.
OG!Kratos destroyed the world in his quest for vengeance, before killing himself in order to release Hope and thus give things a chance to go right.
Dad of Boy has more or less controlled most of his anger, and has a lot of regrets, at least till the end of the game.

And each version would have different feelings on the whole summoned thing, and different interactions.


Nep would be some kind of Extra Class. Her own class, like Moon Cancer is.

So Dad Kratos is Avenger, and Hardcore Agnostic!Kratos is Berserker?
 
So Dad Kratos is Avenger, and Hardcore Agnostic!Kratos is Berserker?

Other way around, I think.
Dad is less world destroying, and is more selectively berserk. His super mode is basically Mad Enhancement minus the loss in sanity and a hell lot more 'stat' boosting.
OG is very Avenger material though. So much Anger and hate, at both the gods and himself.

To be fair, Berserker could be either of them. Avenger fits the younger one more though. I think.
 
Other way around, I think.
Dad is less world destroying, and is more selectively berserk. His super mode is basically Mad Enhancement minus the loss in sanity and a hell lot more 'stat' boosting.
OG is very Avenger material though. So much Anger and hate, at both the gods and himself.

To be fair, Berserker could be either of them. Avenger fits the younger one more though. I think.
Noble phantasm: Mad enhancement with moderate control! ....like that bleach protag bankai in a way. More mental than physical.
 
Interlude 4: She Actually Did It?!
2026 (Probably)

Chaldea (We Think)



It's a rare day at Chaldea that there is actual danger going on. Truthfully, ever since the resolution of the Rome singularity, Chaldea has had very little danger or concern for a very long time. Sure, there are the smaller singularities that need deployment and destruction, and every so often a Caster - almost always one of Chaldea's, never one of the hostile wandering ones for some reason - gets it in their head that a giant monster in a subterranean space is a fantastic idea, or their magical sewing machine grows a brain and not enough sense and starts taking over the closet, or the one time someone made von neumann bread... somehow... Anyways point is Chaldea has become idle enough that dumb shit like that has become the new excitement. The next Singularity simply has not shown itself yet, and without a new Singularity, there's nothing to really be worried about fighting.

It's gotten so lazy even Ritsuka plays video games all the time now. Fucking Ritsuka 'I like homework' Tohsaka. No one's done any paperwork for weeks. No one's seen him do paperwork for weeks.

Probably helps that Da Vinci automated bureaucracy with an army of robots. Which is nice. Probably the best decision Ritsuka has ever authorised.

Either way, it leads to the current scene, of an unusually large mob of Servants, both interested and uninterested, gathered around a lounge table gossiping like housewives instead of doing anything interesting.

Unless your name is Gilgamesh of Uruk. In which case, your gossip is highly interesting, largely because it concerns parallel timelines.


"Alright alright alright, so." Cu Chulainn, legendary hero of Ireland, son of Lugh, and Knight of Ulster, rubs at his temples before pointing his hands at the golden king sitting opposite him around the table. "Let me get this straight. In the loops--"

"Do not call them 'loops', mongrel," Gilgamesh says testily, his eyes narrowed dangerously. "It is a crude term and I will not tolerate it in this time-space. It is the Hollow Ataraxia, and you will call it as such."

"Sure, whatever, the 'Hollow something'. In that timeline, I'm a fisherman, and a fishmonger, and a waiter, and a flower person--"

"Florist," Medusa corrects casually as she reads a book.

"--Flower person, at the same time. Is that right?"

Gilgamesh rolls his eyes, incredulous at this blue-haired demigod's refusal to use actual vernacular for actual occupations he has actually done. "Indeed, Lancer. You were all of those service-level workers at the same time, working multiple part-time shifts to stave off your boredom and weigh down your purse with cheap metal and flimsy paper. Does that displease you?"

Cu scoffs. He leans back into his chair, arms folded behind his head, and grins widely. "Me? Displeased? Please, I'm a champion. I was probably the best damn fishmonger, fisherman, waiter, and flowerist ever."

"Florist," Medusa corrects again, as she slowly flips the page on her book.

Cu shrugs at her, and then shrugs again in general. "Probably made a bunch of money, too. Enough to drink the night away and wake up half-naked behind an alley. The best way to spend a weekend."

EMIYA frowns at him, halfway through distributing the tea to everyone. Unlike just about everyone with and without a pulse in Chaldea, the Red Man is still being productive with his time as the iron housewife. "You are a fantastic role model," he says to the Lancer flatly.

"Yes, Archer," Cu agrees wholeheartedly, "Yes I am. Problem?"

"Several, mostly involving filicide."

"You're a clever lil' cunt I'll give you that."

The Red Man rolls his eyes and sighs as he distributes the rest of the tea, taking great care to put the golden cup as far away from Gilgamesh as is politely possible, before holding the tray close to his chest. "I regret every waking minute of Kana teaching you irish internet memes, Lancer."

"Problem?"

"Internet memes in general," the Archer corrects himself. He glances surreptitiously at Medusa, already nearly done with her book. "Which book is that, Rider?"

"The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time," she responds, adjusting her glasses as she keeps reading. Rider briefly glances up at him. "Have you read the book?"

EMIYA shakes his head. "I never read the Japanese translation, and my English wasn't great."

"Shame. It's an interesting look into your thought process."

At this, Gilgamesh barks a laugh and Cu sprays tea out as a fine mist before laughing his lungs out. "You're a mongrel," Gilgamesh adds succinctly, the cherry on top of the metaphorical gag.

Archer nods. "That's well-established, Gilgamesh. But thank you for clarifying."

"Hmph, it's your pleasure, Faker."

"HAH!" Cu laughs again. "It's funny because you're a sperglord!" A sword shot through a golden portal inexplicably curves over the celt's head at several times the speed of sound before exploding a crater into the floor, and he frowns at Gilgamesh. "What? You getting on my ass now?"

"Do not insult the intellectually hampered with such crude statements, Lancer," Gilgamesh scowls. He waves a hand casually. "Instead try something more inspired, like thot."

"Mm... no, I know what a thot is, and it's not the mother over here." Before Archer can scold him some more, however, Cu straightens his back suddenly. "Hey, Goldie! Anyone else have jobs in that 'Hollow Fake' timeline?"

"That's an entirely different sequence of events from the ones you want me to address, mongrel, consider your words more carefully." The King closes his eyes briefly, then nods. "But yes, the gorgon is also a part-time employee at an antique shop near your flower shop, dog. You two seem to be acquainted."

"We were," Rider nods, and she claps the book shut. "Lancer would always try to pick a fight."

"Sounds like him," the Red Man says snidely.

"Sounds like me," Cu nods with a big grin. "Anyone else there? Was Berserker the butcher?"

"Caster, housewife she is, would come to buy things and occasionally complain at me. Those were interesting, on some level." Rider tilts her head briefly in thought. "Berserker never came. Archer never showed up. Assassin was stuck at the gate. Gilgamesh threw gold at all his problems."

"Gold is the first, only, and final solution," the King sneers with a big smirk.

"...And Saber would sometimes come." Rider frowns. "Come to think of it, Saber was an unemployed freeloader, if I recall correctly."

"Seriously?!" Cu asks. "That's hilarious! It's so out of character!"

"It is part of her charm," Gilgamesh says with a small toast with his wine.

Archer wants to agree, but decides against agreeing with Gilgamesh of all people. So instead, he recalls an anecdote he half-heard from his not-children. "As I understand it, she found a job in our Master's timeline."

"That's a surprise," Rider notes dryly. "What did she work as?"

"...I'm not sure."

----

"Oh, yeah, mom got testy at Aunt Saber one day after the Incident and told her to get a job or - well she wasn't about to throw Aunt Saber out, so I think she just threatened Aunt Saber with no food." Kana taps on her chin quickly. "I think Aunt Saber went through like, five jobs in two months? Did a lot of stuff, wasn't very good at them. Rits, was it five jobs?"

Ritsuka Tohsaka, the man without a mission because SHIVA can't fucking do its job, shrugs. "I think it was six."

"Really?" Kana starts counting on her fingers. "Market attendant, fast food, waitress, maid cafe, soccer coach..."

"You're forgetting fisherman."

"Fisherwoman," Kana corrects, deliberately nonsensically and picking a fight.

"Fisherperson," Ritsuka replies, not at all in the mood.

"Not sure that's how the job is titled, Rits."

"And your name is Kana but you Ka-na shut the fuck up." Ritsuka pinches his sister's nose and stands up, facing the Servants asking him about his family. "Aunt Saber got a job as an english teacher at Homurahara High after she failed at all those jobs, when dad finally pulled on some contacts. Mostly Aunt Taiga." Ritsuka frowns. "Only Aunt Taiga. She's principal, I think."

Rider looks at her. She frowns. Then, she nods. "I suppose it might fit," Medusa agrees.

"Surprisingly, it does," Ritsuka says flatly. "Anyways, Aunt Saber's an english teacher, and not bad at the job. Wound up as the teacher in charge of Kyuudo, too, and I think she visited the Kendo club a few times. Mostly though she was an english teacher." Ritsuka glances at his sister. "Who had mana burst and was strict with deadlines."

"She was also our homeroom teacher in our first year," Kana adds. "It was weird. Mostly, Aunt Saber used it as an excuse to bully me."

"Woman you never did homework at home even after she offered to help you at home."

"Homework is an inherently flawed concept, we should be doing all our schoolwork at school."

"Or you could, you know." Ritsuka shrugs. "Do your homework."

Kana, at a loss for words, instead does what comes naturally:

She punches her brother in the face.

Ritsuka crumples to the ground, moaning in pain, while Kana wrings her fingers because it also hurts her hand like fuck her brother has a hard face.

"So we're doing this?" Cu asks. Immediately he puts his arms around Gilgamesh's waist. "I'll go first."

He throws back, and instead, somehow, suplexes himself. His head spinning, he looks up at where he thinks the Golden King is and asks: "How?"

"Because fuck you," Gilgamesh sneers, "That's how."

And that, as they say, is fair enough.
 
Glad to see you got some inspiration, even if this doean't Really have anything to do with anything.
 
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