EMBRACE THE GAYS
Special thank you to my coauthor and lovely wife
@hellgodsrus and the many betas helping feed me validation. Feedback and thoughts are loved! Extra special thank you to
@LacksCreativity ,
@32nd_freeze , and
@Tamahori for their help in deciding some significant plot points!
Incubation
1.6
-.-.-
If I was ever going to get a vehicle, it would be a scooter. Or a motorcycle or something. Girls that liked girls - liked girls in leather, right? That was a thing? Was I being horribly stereotyping of myself?
I mean. Assuming that all of this wasn't just due to the sudden realisation that people could, maybe, ever, find me attractive. That I wasn't dashing headlong into thoughts about who or what I was because -
Nope. Vehicles. Think about vehicles. Cars were -
not good for me. Not that motorcycles were much better. Even more unsafe. Actually, why not just never move around at all and stay in one place forever. Much saner.
Though, getting a scooter… using it in my real body… that gave me some funny thoughts.
An intern steps into the workshop, getting Armsmaster's attention. "Uh, sir, we've got reports of a scooter being ridden around town by some kind of 'horrible monster' -"
Armsmaster's glowering is visible despite the helmet in the way. "Just because Taylor Hebert has disfiguring scars does not make it right to call her a horrible monster!"
"B-but sir-!"
"Remedial sensitivity training, NOW!"
It brightened my mood a little.
-.-.-
Home. Glorious home.
"Is there anything I can help with before I vanish to my room to - read or do homework or anything?" I paused as I stepped out of the car. "Uhhh. Shit. Um. Some of my homework is group-based. Would it be okay for me to go visit -"
"First we need to talk about transport. And this mysterious not-dating thing." She got out of the car, pushed the door shut hard - not quite hard enough to be a slam, but close.
"I -" I sighed, hauling my backpack over my shoulder. "It's not - well - gah."
How do I tell my mother I'm into girls? "I - sort of nearly got asked by a friend but he - decided not to at the last minute and - I think a few girls have been hitting on me? Or - flirting? And I have no idea how to handle that. Any of that. And um." I coughed, getting it all out in one big rush, "IthinkImightbelessbeans?"
Mom blinked. "... I'm sorry, I think I heard you say you had fewer… beans?"
"Less beans. Le- les - I'm gay."
God I'm so fucking stupid.
"Oh. Good."
"... not what I was expecting but um. Yay?"
"Taylor. I will always love you. You already know this. And it's not like I'm not also attracted to women, so I'm not sure why you thought I'd act like some Empire monster about this." She opened the door. "Speaking of them though, this probably should be a more private conversation."
"Oh, no I - I wasn't -" I clutched at what remained of my hair in front of my face. "I wasn't really thinking you'd act like that I just - you're still my Mom, and - you wanted to -
want to - run background checks on anyone I'm
potentially interested in. Or are interested in me. I don't know what I was expecting but this is um. Less dramatic than I thought?" I stopped for a moment and facepalmed. "... I'm an idiot, you ran with Lustrum back in the day, of
course you'd be fine with me being gay." Saying it again felt - weird but. Good? It felt good to say it.
I'm probably gay.
"Yes." She rolled her eyes, dropped the keys in the bowl by the kitchen. "I do still think that it's sensible to ensure that people who want to date you aren't… threats, of any kind, to your safety."
"Mom, let's be honest, if someone wanted to hurt me, like -
actually hurt me, they wouldn't do it by trying to seduce me. Arcadia's actually pretty good about shutting down bullying like that." I'd seen it happen before. Seducing someone just to break their heart - kid got expelled and there were rumours of stalking charges going around. "And she's - kinda president of the LGBT-plus club so…"
"Emotional hurt is still hurt, and positions of authority are no guarantee of strong moral character. What if she stalks you or harasses you?" Mom sat down on the sofa. "And that's not getting into transport or safety issues while you're out and about with this girl."
"Then she probably would have had something to say about the whole mysterious seizure-related basement-flooding absence the other week…" I sighed. "Well - I dunno. I'm not even sure I
want to pursue it that far. Like… she's just - she thinks I look good? And - she's been smiling at me a lot but I don't even know her that well. If she wants to take me out to dinner or something - which reminds me, uh - nevermind - and - well I'm not going to go out to dinner with her without getting to know her first."
I needed more friends my age, discussing this with my mom was
weird.
"No, not nevermind, talk to me."
"I don't feel hungry." I shrugged and winced. "Like… ever. Don't really feel full either." Not until it was sitting at the back of my throat. "Like when I woke up after you fixed the implant - no hunger pains or anything. I don't think I ate until you mentioned the starvation."
"... damnit. Damnit! Sorry, that's - I should have thought of that." Mom made a face. "Sorry. I will - get to work on that as soon as I can. Stupid - minimal feedback channels - "
"Hey, no, it's fine - it's actually kind of nice not having to worry about hunger pains or anything. I'll just set an alarm on my phone to remind me to eat until I get back into the habit of usual meal times." I chuckled a little. "On the upside, I managed to lose that belly fat that's been bothering me?"
Mom did not appreciate my smile. "Starvation is not a healthy diet."
"Hehhh… yeah." I slumped. "So. Transport. Um. Buses? I guess if she has a car I might just have to - grin and bear it? The buses are pretty comprehensive though, so - hopefully we'll be able to manage with that. As for safety, um. I'm pretty sure she'd know places that are relatively safer from the Empire? If nothing else, I know there's a few places around the PRT HQ that advertise as being more gay positive, probably because they're right across the road from the cops."
"I meant transport in
general, but yes, you probably should avoid ever being alone in public or go anywhere near the Boardwalk or the city centre. I'll contact some people, see if I can get a list of businesses for us to avoid."
I blinked. "What's wrong with the Boardwalk? Isn't it firmly in Protectorate territory? The Wards patrol along there like every other day."
"Enforcers tend to be Empire dropouts. No." Her mouth pursed. "Buses… we'll randomise your schedule to ensure no-one can track you easily from day to day. But on each trip I expect you to keep note of your surroundings, if you see
anyone looking at you I want you to let me know
immediately."
I sat down on the couch and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Mom, I can't really do that. My scars are - kind of attention grabbing. Sure, most people just take a few moments to glance and then either look away disgusted or try to avoid eye contact with me, but it's going to look weird if I get my phone out to text every time someone looks at me. And - you know that saying about the innocent don't run? I think there's a fine balance between avoiding attention and being so overt about trying to avoid attention that it's attention
grabbing."
AKA,
Mom your paranoia is getting to me.
"Well, we'll set up a route that involves changing buses. If anyone is on both buses, then they're likely following you. Are you happy, or do you need a home invasion to see I'm trying to keep you
safe."
I scowled momentarily, but sighed. Though, chances were, if we did get a home invasion, my money was on people following Mom home for buying suspicious amounts of things. "Fine. That - I guess that'll work. I'm still -
why would someone want to follow me? Aside from my dour attitude and appearance, I'm really no different from any other girl. I know the ABB won't want me because I'm not pretty enough to be considered merchandise. Not exotic enough to be worth something despite the scarring."
Mom growled, low in her throat. "You don't
know that."
"They go for pretty girls nobody would notice missing. Generic, attractive, everything I'm
not. And I didn't even realise I was gay until like - an hour ago, so the Empire wouldn't be interested."
"Won't be interested in you
yet, and I'd prefer it if you didn't - both denigrate yourself and imply that if I don't agree I somehow view you as a sexual object." Mom pinched her nose, her breathing heavy and teeth bared. "Why do you
always do this? Act as if this world isn't full of people who love to hurt others,
revel in it, and fail to understand that what I ask is simple and keeps you alive and safe?"
"Huh?" I frowned. "Oh. Sorry, I - didn't mean that - sexual object thing at all." I sighed. "I know the world is full of horrible people, but -" But Abby had said something about that. "But we can't let ourselves live in fear, let them stop us from being who we are. Abby said that when - we were talking about the Empire, and one of her friends that's um. They-them pronouns."
"If Abby and her friend want to risk both their lives then that's fine, but as my daughter - " She paused. "Is Abby the girl who is interested in you?"
Fuck, shouldn't have namedropped her. "Uh. Actually, Victoria Dallon was the girl who first complimented my hair…"
"I thought I said we'd be avoiding cape nonsense!"
"I can't help it if the
only team of public-identity capes has a girl who likes my hair on it! I'm not going to go joining her in kicking ass just because she likes my hair!" I threw my hands up. "If we're avoiding cape nonsense,
why am I going to the same school the Wards are known to go to?!"
"Because it's a better school, isn't full of
gangs like Winslow, and doesn't have
stupidly high fees like Immaculata! You
wanted to go to Arcadia!"
"You can't - argh!" I dragged my hands down my face. "I'm not
actively trying to get involved in cape nonsense, okay? I actually kind of hate her!"
"Good!"
"Great!" I threw my hands up again. "Why are we fighting? Why do we - always fight. I don't
want to live my life hidden away like Rapunzel in her tower, or - I don't know, have you force me to pretend to be mad to avoid the Trojan war."
"Odysseus chose that himself and he would have avoided a lot of pain if it worked." Mom sighed. "But. Point taken. But if you're not
hiding, then you need to be
sensible."
"Mom," I stood up, strode over to hold onto her tightly, "I'm not going to actively go out and try get myself hurt or killed or anything. I'm not
that stupid. But I do want to have a chance to go out and be with friends and experience being a teenager. And you can't tell me
you didn't do anything stupid when you were younger." I drew back with a small grin.
"I did. Part of being a parent is hoping that your children won't be as stupid as you were."
"I sincerely promise I won't join a feminist gang. Or any gang. Maybe the LGBT-plus club to help me figure out how to gay better, and um. Meet other girls who might also be into girls. But uh. No gangs. Hell, I can't even join any of the big ones because I'm not a Nazi and I'm not asian, and I can't think of any small-time gang. Would drugs even work on me since I'm - y'know." I shrugged in the general direction of the basement.
Mom folded her arms. "Drugs might work on you.
No drugs. Besides, they'd come from the gangs and they would cut their products. Especially the Merchants."
"Pretty sure all the big gangs deal in drugs, but if I
was going to try any - which I'm
not - I think I'd just stick to weed. Mellowing out sounds kinda fun."
"
No drugs."
"Yup. Got it. No drugs." I nodded and smiled.
"I mean it." Mom was still heavily scowling.
"So did I." I still kept smiling though, because - I really couldn't wipe it off my face and I wasn't sure why. There was something just really funny about it. "Did you ever do drugs?"
"Taylor." She sighed, pulling me back in. "I just want you to be safe."
"I know. And I feel safe. A bit smothered, but safe." I rubbed her back. "Did you get any of those - things you were talking about doing while I was at school done?"
"I've started work but otherwise no, there hasn't been any real, practicable progress."
"Oh!" I just had a brainwave. "I think I just figured out why your response to me coming out threw me off so much." Mom raised her eyebrow at me so I continued, nervously. "When you said - good, it - I guess it made me think you'd be disappointed in me if I was straight?"
"What?" She shook her head. "No, of course not. Who you love has nothing to do with how I feel about you."
"Well - I said I was gay, you said good, like - like any other answer wouldn't be good."
"That isn't what I meant at all, Taylor. I meant good as in 'it's good you feel able to tell me' or 'it's good'... I don't know, in the sense that your sexuality isn't
bad. I suppose you are a
little more unsafe because you're gay but I wouldn't want to - stop you being yourself." She shifted a little.
"I'm sorry, I - guess your paranoia's been rubbing off on me a little bit." I hugged her tightly.
She hugged me a little more grumpily. "Mine is sensible caution about threats, not reading into other people's behaviour as - I don't know, part of some evil feminist conspiracy or something."
"Heh. So uh. How's… work going? Like the work for money not the - other work. On me. Um. Dang that feels awkward to say out loud." She
had kind of taken a week and a bit off to take care of me in the bathtub - family emergencies were fine and all, but… can't have looked good for the uni.
"Well, I'm behind on teaching, my colleagues are still idiots, and I have to go in for a meeting of Governing Body tomorrow and hear all about the bursar's new plan to waste money on his friend's construction firm instead of allocating any more funding to mental health assistance for the student body." She rubbed her thumb over my shoulder. "And I need to write a paper in about a week, with a quarter of the reference material I need. And I'm still pretty sure I'll need to take out a mortgage on the house. Again."
Ah - "Is there… anything I can do to help there?" I couldn't really go raiding gang stockpiles until I was finished being upgraded, I couldn't get a job because jobs were unsafe...
She shook her head. "No, it's just. This stupid power. I wish it had let me heal you in some way that didn't take security from your future. At least I'm not paying as much health insurance as before, I suppose."
"I uh. Had a thought…" I coughed into my hand. "But I guess that idea isn't really doable yet."
"What idea would this be?"
"I remember you saying that your power -" she gave me a
look and I nervously hunched in on myself. "W-well, um. That remote-piloting bit that you - forced to work the other way for
me that's meant to let
you pilot the beasts - is that just to let
you control them, or could it work to let anyone be a candidate to pilot?"
"... yes, but I'm - I'm not selling them to people, I don't want to get involved in anything like that."
"Maybe you don't have to
sell them to people - but, if, say," I rolled my hand, trying to get my thoughts moving, "We set it up so they could be… rented? I've heard about how the Empire has like - dogfighting rings, and they're apparently pretty popular - despite the moral horribleness of it -"
"If we're taking money making tips from Nazis, I think we're making a mistake." Mom rubbed at her eyes. "No, I'll just… try to pick up more papers, and maybe try and talk to some old friends…"
"Mom, I mean - hear me out?"
She gave me a look, but nodded. "Fine."
"Imagine dogfighting rings, but instead of dogs, it's your Beasts being piloted by people who pay a
lot of money for the privilege. People betting on the fights. Hell, it'd make for
awesome TV, and people - you know what the estimated figures on Protectorate merchandising profits are, right? I know this is - kinda out there, but maybe… maybe it's a potential path to take? There are Rogues that don't get into the whole hero-villain shtick, just - unlucky people who ended up with powers and are just trying to make a living." My throat almost closed up at the next part - "And - the Dockworker's Union's sort of - fallen apart without Dad. If they're willing to work on IOU's until we start making a profit, then… then maybe we'll… we'll be able to help."
"The thing is, you know that'd be a target for villains wanting to get into this mess. But. I'll bear it in mind." Her fingers were twitching. "The startup costs would be
very high though."
"Which is why I said we could work up to it. Mostly - I think it'd mostly be dependent on your ability to - y'know, make combat Beasts relatively easier than just me in the basement. I could try and visit Kurt and Lacey sometime or invite them over to talk about it, maybe?"
If Mom upgraded me enough, I'd be able to go raid gang storehouses, get their ill-gotten gains and - and put them towards this. Brockton Bay wasn't the kind of place where you looked too hard in the history of the cash you were getting - there were higher-than-anyone-would-like odds that the money had been in the hands of the gangs or involved in criminal activities at some point. I'd need to be careful about it though. Mom probably wouldn't agree to it but if I
snuck out - and I totally could…
"That would mean telling them about you."
"They
are my godparents." I shrugged helplessly. "And uh - just had a thought, we - you - remembered to make the new wall of the tank a door, right? In case something happens and I need to get out?"
"Yes." Her eyes narrowed again. "Why are you asking?"
I leveled a deadpan look at her. "No offense, Mom, but the week in the bathtub was
kinda painful and I don't want to go through that again if I don't have to should I need to come out of the tank."
And in general it might be nice to get out of the suspiciously red fluid once in a while. I didn't want to claim anything about its provenance but… well, it was sort of red and
goopy, and Mom had claimed making it had broken the blender…
"Alright. I'll need to build in some kind of drain and sluice mechanism beyond just the door though."
"Huh." I blinked. "Surprised that wasn't - already a thing. How old was the nutrient solution I was in when I - uh. Found out?"
"I meant automatic, rather than a hose at the bottom leading to the sink."
"Ooooh. Right. Sorry, yeah, that'd make sense."
What's a sluice mechanism? Is that like a window-wiper? It sounds like some kind of window-wiper thingy.
Mom's fingers were still twitching. Hadn't really stopped since I mentioned the Beast Fight Arena idea. I guess that meant she… really was thinking about it? Even as I watched she blinked, patted her legs briskly and stood up. "Right. Well. I have some things I need to work on - could you make dinner?"
"Uh, sure. Any requests?" I made my way into the kitchen to look through the pantry and fridge.
"Something with plenty of protein. You still need to build up your body's muscle mass again. And… maybe your other body's instincts might help it feel more like food?"
I grinned with both mouths. "I'll be a regular old carnivore."
-.-.-
