EXTRA LONG CHAPTER TODAY!
Special thank you to my coauthor and lovely wife
@hellgodsrus and the many betas helping feed me validation. Feedback and thoughts are loved! Extra special thank you to
@LacksCreativity ,
@32nd_freeze , and
@Tamahori for their help in deciding some significant plot points!
Incubation
1.5
-.-.-
The
one thing I liked about World Affairs was that the topic of the month was
always cape-related. If only because capes were the only people making noticeable waves these days. That wasn't
entirely fair, there were all sorts of giants of industry and politics stuff, but it still almost always tied back to capes
somehow.
Oh yes, said small country was voting for a new leader because the last one was - wait for it - assassinated by a parahuman! Actually, I think that was how the african warlord states started. I hadn't been paying much attention to those classes. It was one of the first topics, back when I was still paranoid about having a seizure in front of everyone and making a fool out of myself. Curling into the back corner of the classroom and avoiding any potential scrutiny.
Mr. Jensen had been nice - one of the few teachers that actually
noticed I didn't want attention and went out of his way to make sure I didn't get it. Treated me as close to a person as anyone did. No, bitter thoughts. I was past that. He had a couple of nasty scars too, so - maybe he
got it.
And he didn't do cringe-worthy things like ask us to call him Adam or "Mr. J", like a certain teacher a suckup ex-bestie of mine had complained about when I definitely wasn't listening.
Anyway. Today's topic was… dun dun
duuun, the Simurgh's attack on Canberra! Wait. When the fuck had she - oh. Probably while I was living under a rock in the bathtub. Well. That was awkward. I had the ability to sleep through Endbringer sirens?
It was actually something about the Cold War and how it had ended, but all anyone was talking about was the attack on Canberra, so Mr. Jensen had sighed and given in, turning the class into a roundtable discussion of the Endbringers.
"Everyone, before you start the usual discussion of fights, I'd rather you actually focus on the
aftermath of them. The fights themselves only last hours, if that, but this
is World Affairs, not a versus board on PHO. Talk about the effects Endbringer attacks have on the local economy, ecology, and our culture in general. At the end I'll assign a project for the class. This will be
group work, groups of three - yes, I'll let you work with your friends. I'll give each group a location and an Endbringer, and you can all tell me how that will affect the area. Due in by next class."
Ah. Damnit, group work. Well, it was fine, but Mom wouldn't let me go over to others' places or let me invite them over to work. So… convincing people to do work at school during breaks it probably was.
Fun. And there was the general issue of not really having friends -
"Mind if I sit here?"
"Uh, sure." I looked up, it was - shit, what was her name? She had sort of… golden skin, not in the tanned way that some very made up actors or capes did but naturally, and really long hair done up in a bun. Anne? Was it Anne? Was I forgetting that? Argh. This is why I avoided people. "Uh - this is gonna sound so rude - Anne, right?"
"Abby, actually." She smirked a little, leaning forward and resting her chin in her hand. "Mind if Al sits with us?"
I shrugged. "I didn't really have any plans for a group so… I guess so?" Why couldn't Chris be in this class, we'd probably work well together. Probably. Or spend our time verbally shitposting at each other.
"Sweet." Her eyes were lingering on me - was she - looking at my scars? But she didn't look disgusted - "I like the new haircut. It suits you."
Huh. That made three for three. "Thanks. Guess long hair just - wasn't for me, huh?" I chuckled, a little self-depreciative, a little nervous. Why were people paying attention to me all of a sudden? I should have worn a beanie.
Someone else slumped into the other chair at the table - glasses, reddish short hair, a face that was somehow both pointed and round. "Hey. Hey, Abby."
"Al." Abby smiled.
"Oh hey, uh… Taylor, right?" Al extended a freckled hand. "Al. They-them."
Oh. Kinda fit, they looked pretty androgynous. "Yeah." I shook. "Sorry, I must have looked like I was trying to figure it out."
Now the question was - was I the odd one out? These two clearly knew each other, but - Al was
different, like me with my scars.
"Nah, s'cool, just giving pronouns is sensible, you know? I'm
guessing you're she-her but if not…"
I shook my head. "Nah, I'm - pretty happy with my body-gender alignment. You're assuming correctly." I'm not sure 'godzilla' was a gender, anyways.
Abby smirked. "Another joins my evil cis cult. Mwahaha."
Cis? What?
Al elbowed her. "Idiot. So, uh. Endbringers, huh? Pretty fucking heavy."
"I'm sure we could find something heavier if we looked closer to home." I grimaced. "I mean - no offense, but isn't the whole 'cis slash not-cis' thing a bit of a
risk in a city that's at least one-third infested with Nazis?" Wait - shit, that wasn't an invitation to
make things heavier -
people are hard.
"Maybe we'll get lucky and the Simurgh will come down to make them all glitter, rainbows, and gays." Abby pulled out a notepad and pen. "Honestly though, we can't let Nazis - literal actual factual Nazis - stop people from being who they are."
"Yeah, seriously. The Protectorate does
not do enough about them."
I mean… I agreed. But I wasn't sure how they
could do more. Maybe if Mom let me out of the basement - nah. Wasn't going to happen. I could barely fight off
her; how was I meant to manage against a living blender like Hookwolf?
And Abby was still looking at me and I couldn't tell what that look meant. I settled for an awkward nod. A swallow that I felt pull at where my scars stretched onto my throat.
"Right. So… Endbringers. Uuuhhh… well, we've seen what Leviathan's done in general to shipping and stuff. But I can't remember if he actually targeted ships or just - seaside cities like Brockton and people didn't want to risk it." I fiddled with my hands. There weren't as many scars on them - more on my arms.
"I mean, in between attacks aren't the Endbringers asleep? He'd have to be attacking the ships during those attacks and I don't think that'd hurt the shipping trade that much. I think though he made people more afraid of the sea? Da always talks about beach holidays and I can't think of a single person who'd want to go on one now." Abby scribbled something down on her notepad. "It's interesting that there's still a lot of cargo planes though. The Simurgh hasn't made us afraid of flying."
"Yeah. Fun stat, but Leviathan's actually taken out more aircraft than she has. During attacks, I mean."
"That's because any city big enough to get his attention usually has an airport." I raised an eyebrow. "I'd wager there's more aircraft in the hangars than the sky during attacks."
"Still." Al shrugged. "Fun stat."
"Mm. And anyways, I think the Simurgh's made us afraid of going to
space. Wasn't there that guy who tried to make a moon-base and the Simurgh fucked it all up?" I had a vague memory about the guy becoming a ziz-bomb, but it'd been a while. I could be remembering wrong. Wait. Waaait a second, it was coming back to me now - Mannequin! The guy in the Slaughterhouse Nine.
Right. Heavy thoughts are definitely the theme today.
"Sphere! Right. In general given her tendency to do things like that, people have been afraid of making too much progress because what if Endbringer, which honestly is reductive and probably leads to the results they'd want
anyway." Abby waved her pen dramatically. "Like with the Nazis. We can't live our life in fear." And then she gave me that look again the one I didn't know -
I wasn't going to live in fear. Well… not once Mom upgraded me. Maybe. Social fear didn't count, right? "Right." I nodded. "Can't live in fear. Might as well live it up while we can, yeah?"
"
Yes." Abby had this - hooded-eye smile that I still wasn't understanding and it made me
wriggle a bit. Was this a trick like the kind of ones Emma had pulled when in public? I just - I couldn't
know.
"Abby. Be nice."
"But I am being nice.
Very nice."
"I have no idea what's going on." I grumbled. "Can we go back to talking about the Endbringers?"
Abby's lips twitched. "Of course. So then…"
-.-.-
>
Hey mom, bus is going to be late catching first one i can but a tinker broke into the garage overnight so a couple got dismantled
<
stay safe, stay with others, don't draw attention to yourself
<
sit middle of the bus no window seats
<
keep firm grip on railings/seat in front of you and be prepared to brace
>
mom you're being paranoid again, it'll be fine
<
if it'll be fine, it'll be fine because you do those things
>
there hasn't been a car accident or gang accident involving school buses for months
>
the gangs sorta learned their lesson after the protectorate went apeshit on them for the last fight that a bus got caught in
Yup, she was still being… Mom. How as I meant to avoid drawing attention to myself
and act like I was preparing for the bus to crash. If it
did crash, I'd be interrogated about knowing beforehand.
>
I'll just act natural and stick to not drawing attention to myself. Cos if it does crash, people are going to be wondering why i was prepared
<
we will Talk about this
Fuck. Capital T talk. I sighed and slipped the phone into my pocket and started looking around for somewhere to wait for the bus. Or someone I knew. But I didn't actually
know that many people…
I balanced myself as I strolled down the edge of the raised garden-thing by the front. Oooh, there was Chris. And Dean. They were talking about something, their backs to the garden edge I was walking along.
I couldn't help myself. I prowled a little as I snuck closer, listening in because I was a terrible person.
"... seem more relaxed. I don't think I've seen you look this happy this whole week." Dean bumped Chris gently. "Anything I should know about?"
"No. Just had a - a not-bad day. Are things going okay with, uh. The whole plan thing for you and Victoria?"
"You're deflecting, Chris." Dean was smiling as he said it, so - I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Was he being mean to my friend? Yeah. Chris was definitely someone I'd consider a friend. "Does this have anything to do with that girl you always sit next to at lunch - Taylor, right?" Wait, he was talking about
me now?
"No!" Chris scuffed his shoe. "... a little bit."
"I know you were worried about her. Does… she know that you were worried?"
"No! No, I couldn't - and she is
just a friend, really. Barely even that, she's just someone who tolerates me doing my - babble thing."
Well, now would be the perfect time to drop in and let him know otherwise. But I sorta felt guilty about listening in now. Fffff -
I sighed. "Y'know, Chris -"
"Gah!"
"I really do consider you a friend." I ruffled his hair as I sat down next to where he was leaning on the wall.
Dean grinned. "Hey, Taylor. It is Taylor, right? I'm terrible with names."
"That's me." I grinned.
"I don't think we've properly met before. I'm Dean." He reached out to shake my hand. Firmish grip. He was… handsome, I guessed, in a young-and-pretty guy fashion. Not really something I was interested in.
"So I heard you tutor Chris in math, and occasionally torture him with drama."
"Is
that what he told you?" He raised an eyebrow and grinned at Chris, who was hiding his face in his hands with his shoulders shaking. I think he was laughing.
"Oh, yeah, you're planning to go all John Cussack on her, aren't you?"
His smile faded a little, but he shook his head. "Maybe. We'll see."
Aaaand once more we come across a
prime example of why I don't do people.
Fuck me and my inability to read the room. "Well, uh. Hope it goes well, whatever happens." A sort of awkward silence. "Chris, save me," I stage whispered at him.
He flashed a spasmodic smile. "So, uh, how about them buses?"
We both looked at him for a moment before we burst out laughing. He joined in, thank fuck. It was just so - 'aristocrats!' of him. "I heard a Tinker broke into the garage overnight. But that was mixed with rumours of Nazis breaking in to take them on drunken joyrides and other much less plausible shit. But the only Tinkers we have in the Bay are on the Protectorate side, right?"
"There's also Leet, but… maybe someone new looking for parts." Dean shrugged. "Don't know why they went for the Arcadia buses for that though. It's not like they're in the world's best shape, and I'd have thought there'd be pretty good security around them."
"Yeah, I'd go for a public bus terminal." Chris coughed. "If I were a Tinker, that is."
Suspiciously specific denial aside - "Why even do that when there's a junkyard? I can't remember where it is but - we've also got the trainyards, right? Pretty much abandoned, full of old trains nobody'll miss. Or, hell, even the boat graveyard - though I guess that'd be more for material than
parts."
Dean shrugged. "There'd probably be parts there too. Maybe whoever it was just really doesn't like Arcadia."
"Maybe the bus driver forgot to pick them up one time?"
I snorted, putting on a fake villainous voice, "
How dare they forget me! I'll show them! They'll never forget me ever again!" Heh. "... do you think that means we might be going to school with a Tinker that isn't in the Wards?"
"Speculating on identities is usually a fast-track to get on someone's list." Dean's face was serious. "I'm pretty sure it's actually against school policy as well."
"I know, it's just - well, the Wards already go here, it'd be kinda hilarious if Arcadia was like - cape-kid central. Or is underage cape central more accurate?"
"I think it'd be cape-kid if your parents were capes. Like New Wave." Chris looked kinda anxious. "Like how if you're married to a cape, you can get the 'cape-spouse' tag on PHO."
"Kid cape, maybe?" Dean raised his eyebrow.
"Young-adult cape's a bit of a mouthful, even if it is more accurate." I hummed. Like 'humanoid with extra bits'.
I looked back towards the steps idly, just in time to lock eyes with Abby as she strode down looking like she owned the place. She gave me another weird wriggle-inducing smile and a pretty little wave, which I returned in my hamfisted way.
"Another friend?" Chris noticed.
"Uh. I - I don't know?" I shrugged and let out the wriggle now that Abby wasn't looking. "She keeps - giving me weird smiles and I don't know what to think about it."
Dean blinked. "Huh."
"
Huh what?" My head shot around so I could glare at -
"I think she's hitting on you."
"... what." I -
what? My mind came to a screeching halt. "
What? I - why would she - huh???"
"Oh my god." Chris was looking up at me with this - look of awe that I
really wasn't sure what to make of. "You don't know?"
"Know
what?"
"She's the president of the LGBT-plus club. She's, um. Pretty openly gay."
"Victoria helped her set up for a meeting one time, and I helped Victoria. She's pretty cool." Dean shrugged. "Victoria thought about joining, but given everything she figured she wouldn't have the time. And… between you and me, she has a tendency to absolutely take over groups, and that maybe wasn't the best idea."
My mind was still doing that 'everything is on fire panic aaaahh!' spongebob thing. "But - I'm hideous?" Why… why would she find me hot? I - okay, admittedly after a week of starvation, my 'too fat in some places' problem had been resolved in the unhealthiest way possible, but still.
"What?! Taylor, you're not hideous, you're really pretty!" Chris stopped, and began to turn scarlet. "I - I mean, you're - "
"I think what Chris meant was internalised views on how one looks has nothing to do with how people see you." Dean looked around. "I… really should be getting going soon."
"A-are you sure because it sounded like he was calling me pretty." My face was heating up
so much.
"Well, that's just fact." He gave a little salute. "See you both around."
"Wait, Dean, you can't just leave - " Chris flailed. "Anddd he's already gone."
I'm not sure I could look at him and he couldn't look at me, so we were both just -
god we're such dorks - standing and sitting around, red-faced and awkward. "W-wwell. Um. I'm - glad people think I look nice? Even - even if I can't really understand it… um…" Hood! I had a hoodie! I could hide in it!
Come on where's my bus hurry the fuck up and save me please.
Chris coughed. Several times. "Um. Yeah. I. I um. I was - was wondering. Would you um." He shrunk. "Um. Forget it."
Was he going to ask me out? Or was that just my overexcited imagination getting away on me again?
Don't hope too hard. "Haaa, uumm. Yep. Okay." I nodded. Just - saying things. "I uh. I think that's my bus coming in just now, uhm. See you tomorrow?"
"Yup. U-usual spot?"
"Of course." Um. Shit. Uhhhh. AAAAHH! "See ya." I awkwardly waved and stumbled a few steps away before fixing my gait. Yup. I had no idea if this was my bus or not, I was climbing on and going aaaall the way to the back where I could hide forever and never return to this mortal plane as Taylor Hebert, only Monster Girl. Hahha.
My phone buzzed.
Fuck.
<
taylor are you okay you seem uncomfortable
>
I'm fine, just had a really embarrassing conversation with friends
<
you just started twitching, just wanted tocheck it wasn't something i'd done
<
wait what conversation
>
uhhhhh i am in no way ready to discuss this with my mother
>
could we um. Shelve it for until i get home
<
no you can't go on a date
>
MOM
>
no i
>
i dont want to go on a date!
>
but apparently people want to go on a date with me???????????
>
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How the hell was I was meant to - gah!
Mom why are you like this. Dean was - smooth, in hindsight. Chris was nice, and adorably awkward, but - gah two, electric boogaloo! He was a good friend, but -
I remembered that smile Abby gave me and had to
wriggle again. What was I meant to make of
that?
<
what are their names
>
mom put down the knife
<
i just want their names for background checks
>
believe it or not that's exactly why I'm not giving them
>
mom, i get that you're… paranoid, for lack of a softer term, but
>
I am *not* interested in dating right now
>
nor am i at all interested having my potential lovelife micromanaged
>
plus if my potential boyfriend/girlfriend/whateverfriend breaks my heart, i can bury them myself
<
ok
<
I still want to do background checks
>
and you're not worried that might bring the wrong kind of attention?
>
like, the only people i can think of that do background checks are police or hitmen
>
or i guess journalists but
>
If anything actually gets far enough *then* i *might* give you names
>
for now its just people tellig me i look good and me having no idea how to handle the fact that other people consider me pretty
>
like, whyyyyyyyy?? I have hrorible scars and stuff
<
Taylor of course you're pretty
<
but you should be paying attention to your surroundings instead of texting
>
mom you're biased though
I sighed and looked up. Oh. Ohhh, fuck.
>
... do you think you could pick me up at the library?
<
taylor what did you do
>
i got on the bus because of awkwardness and it was the wrong one
>
at least im going to end up at the library so i can look and see if they have the new book in that series ive been reading
<
STAY IN PUBLIC VIEW IN THE LIBRARY NEAR A LIBRARIAN AT ALL TIMES OMW
Damnit. Well, she couldn't text and drive, so I had time to think about…
… about the way Abby's smile made me feel things that Chris and Dean's compliments didn't. Uuuuhhh. Okay, if I - thought of the extremes, like - super soft girls, hard muscled guys, firm bouncy breasts to rub my face in -
My face flushed as I realised I was thinking of Victoria. Of Miss Militia being harder and more toned, and Battery's suit was
so skintight, wasn't it - and being held in Alexandria's strong arms, her lifting off her helmet -
Fuuuuuuuck. And - they -
I pressed my thighs together and dropped my head, biting my lip
hard. Fuck. A week of starvation came with - well, a week of inattention to certain
needs and
boy they were making themselves felt now.
Alexandria was - so out of reach though. But Abby - wanted me. And I could only imagine us replacing Dean and Victoria, pressing her up against the wall and biting her neck -
mmmph. Fuck.
Fuuuck. I had it bad.
And I was… gay, I guess. Lesbian? I wanted to - curl up wrapped round a female someone and have them wrapped around me. Yup.
This is why I hadn't thought about this kind of thing before.
And it - it wasn't like Abby probably liked me anyway. It was probably - her being cruel and Dean being kind, or vice versa, or - something like that. And Chris was just being nice. No-one could like this face, after all.
But… I had another face. No, who am I trying to kid, if they didn't like
this face they wouldn't like
mine. Even if the tentacles could be put to good use on… girls. Gaaaah. No, that wasn't a helpful image. Especially as my tentacles were
spiky, that would
never work. And - only weird people would be attracted to that me like that.
Yeah, no chance of that happening.
Eventually the bus stopped outside the library. I didn't bother with the whole public view thing, or librarian, I just grabbed a few books I was interested in, a few more that looked interesting, and checked out. Just waited on one of the benches playing some stupid game on my phone trying to distract myself while waiting for Mom.
Sigh. I understood her paranoia, but - it was still a bit overbearing. A
lot overbearing.
The car ride home was horrible. I hesitated to actually get in, my heart racing, just - it never got any easier. Buses were okay. Buses were
different in feel and sound and size and there weren't
seatbelts. I knew they were there for my safety. But that didn't stop the feeling of my chest being constricted. Didn't stop me from - feeling like if I looked to the driver's side I'd see Dad again. Smiling at me. Reaching over as the light grew brighter and -
Mom understood. Even if she was quiet. She grabbed my hand, tightly, and didn't let go.
Not until I told her she needed both hands on the wheel to drive safely. I could - deal with the freaking out part when we got home.
-.-.-
