IT IS MY BIRTHDAY! HERE IS YOUR GIFT ENJOY PLZ
Special thank you to my coauthor and lovely wife
@hellgodsrus and the many betas helping feed me validation. Feedback and thoughts are loved! Extra special thank you to
@LacksCreativity ,
@32nd_freeze , and
@Tamahori for their help in deciding some significant plot points!
Incubation
1.4
-.-.-
"Turning on suspension fluid in three… two… now."
Jets of red, flooding in, filling up the chamber - syrupy and warm and tingly against my raw abraded skin, lifting me up then flowing over and around me, leaving me hanging in the crimson mixture, looking through the glass at Mom's frazzled face as she fiddled with the controls.
Blessed, blessed relief. The horrible itching soothed, and - despite a couple of hiccups involving bubbles - back to using my gills. It still felt weird exhaling down my own neck, but it was good.
So, so good.
I finally managed to rest. It had been - a very long week. A very very long week of living in the bathtub, feeling my skin get more and more raw, my teeth come loose in my jaw, hearing Mom desperately working for days on end and not being able to do anything to help because she wouldn't let me. She'd been working nonstop to make my new tank, to keep my other body alive and breathing, to repair the implant…
Time enough for me to stop trying to deflect reality settling in. I
was a monster. After everything that had happened in my life, I wasn't human anymore. I could act like it, sure, but - at the core of it all, I wasn't anymore. I was
this. This
thing reliant on Mom's power to stay alive.
I had no agency anymore. No - individual freedom. I was never going to escape, never going to be free of the nest.
But if I could, would I? My hands were made to rip and tear. Claws to slice and dice. Teeth to cut through the toughest of meat. Existential crises were a little hard to get over, but - what else did I have? I could obey Mom, go back to having a 'normal' as possible life, forget I ever was a monster, just - keep on keeping on. Or I could
do something. Was it wrong for the scarred outcast kid to
want an out? A way to not be myself anymore? To be someone
worth looking at?
Life was what life was. I couldn't go back to how it was, so I'd just have to live with it.
-.-.-
"Mrrrh." I scrunched my face up - lip twisted to the side - and forced my eyes open. Wiggled my hair - not hair. Hair? Yes, hair. My head felt - lighter than I remembered. And colder. "M-" I coughed. "Mom?"
She was slumped in her office chair, head down, snoring softly. Good. She needed the rest more than I did.
Everything…
seemed to be working right. And - the tank up against the far wall of the basement.
Me. I finally got to look at myself, and - man, I was ugly. Though, that
might just be because of the raw skin and patches where I could see it healing - scabbing over in that wrinkly wet way scabs go when they can't dry out, and… yeah. Looked like I'd been through hell.
I glanced at Mom's desk. She had a notebook open, half-filled with gibberish and another thing with me - my in-tank body - sketched hastily out, covered in notes.
Need more armour, increase external survivability (arachnid), grow better skeletal structure (howinsert?), promote bonegrowth internally? Feedmix ideas.
NEED TO IMPROVE FLUID RETENTION IN SKIN.
sebum?????
I wasn't going to pretend to understand it. All I knew is that it looked like Mom maybe… maybe
was considering upgrading me? I doubted it'd be so I could go out and fight crime or anything - more likely so I wouldn't die if I broke the tank again. Which was fair enough - this week had been
hell.
Now, how do I get Mom to bed? I rubbed at my ear - itchy, had she cut into me to install the implant again? Last I'd checked she'd been trying to make something that would grow through this body's skull - getting distracted. I could try and wake her up, help her up the stairs, but - if she was awake and realised
I was awake, there was little chance of getting her back to sleep.
Buuuut, I wasn't exactly Alexandria, so…
"Hey, Mom?" I whispered, gently shaking her shoulder. "Moooom? Bed's upstairs."
She murmured something, but flapped an arm at me. Eh, it'd do. I put her arm around my shoulder and she barely supported her own weight like some kind of - mom-zombie, stumbling alongside, leaning into me.
"D'nny?"
My fists clenched.
She's asleep, it's okay.
"Tr'd to keep her safe…"
"You did," I murmured back, pausing on the stairs, keeping her from falling back down. Maybe I should have just put her on the couch. That would have been the smart thing to do but - getting back
down the stairs would be way harder than getting up the rest. Damnit. "You kept her safe."
Her. Not me. I - was still having doubts over whether or not I was the
original Taylor. I hoped I was, but - it ate at me more than I'd like to admit.
"Not enough… owl?" Her eyes were blinking more open. "Shouldn't be moving around, the control network is settling in and there will have been neural degeneration - "
"I feel fine, Mom. But you were passed out in your chair. So -" I got us to the top and pushed open her door with my foot. "Let's get you to bed, okay? I'll - I'll stay with you."
Would probably need to change the sheets in the morning, I wasn't sure whose blood we were covered in, but it was hopefully only mine. What did it say that I was only thinking about that
now?
"Need to… monitor vital signs… and check modulator switch." Her head rested on my shoulder. "Head feels like it's going to burst I have so many thoughts. Heart hurts thinking about you being hurt. I
love you."
Ah, yes, the return of my tear ducts. "I love you too, Mom," I clung to her tightly. Not too tightly, but - holding her close. "Come on. We - could both use the rest." I threw open the sheets and duvet, gently guided Mom onto the bed, and pushed her until she was laying down. "Check everything in the morning."
"You're important." Her hands clung to me. So thin and hard. She'd lost weight after - after Dad. But this was the first time I could really see it, see how small she'd gotten, how tired. Her hands were curved hard claws, like my other body's.
But not from strength.
"You're important too." I detangled her fingers from mine just long enough to walk around to the other side of the bed, despite her noises of desperation, and climbed in next to her. "You can't - keep me safe if
you're not safe, right? Sleep."
"Mmkay." She rolled over, wrapped her arms around me. "Safe. Gotta… gotta keep you safe…"
Sleep wasn't easy.
-.-.-
"So," I started, as Mom took my blood pressure with one of those cheap first aid kit hand-pump-arm-wrap thingies, "As far as I can tell, no signs of seizures, my voice works better than I ever remember, and my left pinkie shakes when I yawn. I think my uh - control network or whatever you called it is working fine."
"Sensation is reduced, though. You've lost feeling in some of your extremities because I took too long to do this." Mom hissed again, that frustrated not-swearing noise.
"Mom. I can live with that.
We can live with that. It's better than something like - I dunno, my face not working." I shrugged. "... now I'm wondering if you'd be able to grow me a new human body. Like a clone."
"No. I'd need to harvest your body for that and - no. I wouldn't be able to repair it if it went wrong.
No."
"Okay, okay, just - throwing ideas out there." I held my hands up in surrender. Was extremities my fingertips and toes or my intimate parts? She'd certainly only poked my fingers and hands with her little needle, not anywhere else. But I wasn't going to check elsewhere while Mom was sitting in front of me.
"Everything seems fine, otherwise…" Mom shined a light into my eyes and I tried to wave it away. And now everything was dark. I needed to replace the lightbulb in here or something, working only from desk lamps can't have been doing Mom any good. "Now let's try the switch. Shifting control in three… two…"
I jolted in my tank. Like waking from a nightmare where I'd been falling and just hit the ground. Tentacles writhed around me and my heart wasn't beating any faster but - whoa. Maybe I should blink or at least close my eyes before doing that next time.
My body sort of… slumped like a puppet with cut strings. Still breathing and everything, just… sleeping where it sat.
"
Hello? Oh, good, this thing's still on. Hi, Mom!" I waved a big clawed finger - aww, it was still missing one of the nail-talon things -
"Any motion issues? Any pain?"
"
Only if I poke the bits that aren't done healing. Like my finger. Or my teeth. Teeth still feel loose, but uh. Nope, can still control everything as well as the first time." Tentacles were still really fun.
"Okay. Okay. Switching back in three… two…"
I closed my eyes this time, but was even
more disoriented when my sense of balance told me I was too far forward and already falling - Mom put her hands on my shoulders and kept me upright. "Whoa…" I grumbled, shaking my head. "I'm - definitely going to try sitting down properly before switching again. That sudden sense of balance is… ugh." Flexing my hands - "Everything's running fine, far as I can tell."
"And if I do this…" A glance over at my tank saw a feeding tube extend to my body's mouth. "Can you feel anything?"
I frowned. "Um. Not really? Kind of have an urge to swallow but I can't tell if that's placebo or not. Or is the word I'm thinking of psychosomatic?" I frowned harder, stroking my chin and looking up at the ceiling.
"Okay. So I might be able to improve your other body while you're at school. That's… good." She wrung her hands, slowly.
"I've still got that phone that's connected to the staff repeater so I can call you if something's gone wrong with me. If I feel anything while I'm there that I can't explain, I'll just call." I shrugged. Felt like it'd be simple enough - at first I thought it was weird that they'd give me that, given Panacea went to the same school, but since the seizures were a brain issue and she didn't do brains…
"Good. And text me regularly with updates. If you feel another seizure coming on, report to the nurse's office
immediately." She paused. "And do the same if Emma bothers you again."
"I will." I promised, and hopped off the bench to stretch. "Mmnnhh, so… now what? Like - I know you said you don't want to get involved in any costumed frippery -" Yep, she glared at that, "- but… what happens if we get 'approached' by one of the gangs. It's going to happen, at some point, especially if you have to keep buying suspicious amounts of materials."
"I have plans for that."
A long silence.
"Such as…?" I tried prompting her.
"Such as things that aren't your problem. At the moment you need to think about catching up on the week of schoolwork you missed. Especially as you couldn't exactly check your email for the catchup work that was sent."
Damnit, she was right. I sighed. "Alright, I'll go catch up. Don't forget to eat, okay?"
"I won't. You need to eat too. Your body has effectively been starved for a week."
Huh. But I didn't
feel that hungry…
"New plan, I am going to make a buttload of lunch."
-.-.-
"Hey." I grinned, sitting down at the table next to Chris. "Ya miss me?"
"Holy shit, Taylor." He almost choked on his sandwich. "You can't just sneak up on a guy like that."
"Sure I can. What, you think I was dead or something?"
"You dropped off the radar for a week and a half, so - I dunno. Maybe?" Chris winced. "I mean… it
is Brockton Bay, after all."
"Yeah, totally, so why aren't you on your knees praising the heavens I'm back, then?" I snorted.
"I'm still eating my sandwich?"
"Fair enough." I shrugged, digging into my own. Heh. Bet Winslow's cafeteria didn't even have fresh bread.
Suckit, Emma. "So, did I miss anything in my week-and-a-bit-long death-cation?"
"Death-cation?"
"Like a vacation, but people think I'm dead because people are weird and jump to conclusions."
"Well… that
was a rumour going around that someone might have tried to poison you on the bus and carry away your body? It doesn't make any sense, in hindsight, but…"
I shook my head and swallowed. "No, that was just - another stress-induced seizure, but
way worse than any I've had so far. Been at home recovering, y'know?"
"You definitely sound better than you did."
"Hah. Must have knocked my head in the
right way for once. Feel better, too."
His lips twitched. "I'm glad you're alive."
"Thanks. Me too." I grinned and nudged him with my elbow. "So… notice anything different?"
A slow look of horror dawned on him. "Uh - shit. Um. You've uh… done something with your hair?"
I snorted and pulled my hoodie back.
"Oh, wow, yeah, you definitely did something with your hair. Very punk. Or - did the doctors need to shave it to - um. Get to the - " He winced. "Brain and, um. Do stuff to it?"
"I mean, yeah," I sighed, "But they shaved as little as possible and Mom took me to a hairdresser to make it look presentable afterwards. Anyways, I like it."
Mom had to shave the side of my head almost completely. But a short and slightly more straightened style - made me feel kinda badass. The straightening wouldn't hold for long and I didn't know
how I'd sort it out once it wore off but now all I needed was some tattoos. Not that Mom would let me get them, probably. She'd thrown a Mom-fit about my haircut sending the wrong message and worrying about me getting into fights.
But what
else was I meant to do with one side shaved? Went with my scars at least. I looked like some kind of traumatic-backstoried sci-fi protagonist. Who was secretly a monster living in her mother's basement. But then again, most traumatic-backstoried people ended up capes, if what my online research taught me. Some academic term called 'the trigger-event theory'. Mom had powers, I kinda had an investment in learning about them. Even if research had been difficult from the bathtub then with her fussing over me.
"Mm." Chris tilted his head and stared at me intently, which I raised an eyebrow at. "Yeah. It suits you."
"Thanks. My clothes don't really - go with the look yet. But I've got time to change my wardrobe."
"Are you hinting you'd like me to go shopping with you?"
"Uh -" I blinked. "No, I was just - wait are you insinuating I'd date you for your wallet?"
"No, no, that's Victoria's shtick -" he paused, another dawning look of horror crossing his features. "Don't tell her I said that. Please."
I laughed at him. "Your secret's safe with me."
For now.
"What's my shtick?"
"Ahshit-" Chris flinched and ducked his head.
Victoria was floating a few inches off the ground, food in hand, peering at Chris loomingly. But smiling, because of course she was. It was… hard to feel bitter when I knew I was actually a twelve foot long lizard-octopus, but still.
"Nothing! Nothing."
She looked at me.
I shrugged.
She smiled. "Taylor, right? I like the hair. It's neat."
"Um. Thanks?" Why was
she liking my hair, she - I thought we weren't meant to like each other.
"No more mocking Dean, Chris. He spends a lot of time tutoring you on math." She reached out, keeping her tray balanced on one hand like a waitress while she ruffled his hair, then skipped off in floating leaps to her normal table and friend-fans.
Chris slumped in his chair. "Argh. Kill me now."
"Sorry, still working on finger strength, can I get a raincheck for strangling you?" I grinned. "Surprised you only got away with a hair-ruffling. Isn't she usually a bit more… protective of her, ahem,
purse strings?"
"No! She's - I know you don't like her and after your first day that's fair, but she's super nice. But I do think they had another fight last week, right after -" he paused. "Ah. Right after you vanished. Dean's probably going to do something stupid and romantic to win her back after school, like putting a giant radio in the trunk of his car and serenading her."
"What." My eyes widened. "Has he - you're saying this like he's done it before."
"He tutors me for math. Um. Occasionally he'll talk about, uh. Relationship woes. Not that I can really relate what with the whole no girlfriends ever and him having his whole
thing with
literally Glory Girl, and also being lusted after by like, a third of the school, but - yeah. According to him they're both… big fans of drama. In every sense."
"Wow."
"Sometimes he runs ideas for winning her back past me. They, um, always sound very over the top. The serenading idea came up once - it's a movie reference? Something about John Cusack and a boombox..."
I couldn't help it - no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stifle my giggling. "Oooh, I really don't want to miss my bus, but I don't really want to miss
that either."
"I don't think he's um, planning on trying that at school. I could be wrong, though? There was that time he filled her locker with roses."
"No wonder a third of the girls like him. The rest though, they probably look at a locker full of roses and think, 'well, great,
now how am I meant to find my homework?'."
"I think Victoria actually said that. Then, um, they kinda had one of their." He made a wobbly hand gesture. "PDA moments."
Yeah. Bitter me had not appreciated constantly coming across the pair looking like they were on the verge of turning into a porno against the nearest solid surface - neither did most of the school to be honest, and even they seemed kind of embarrassed about it. But - teenagers. It wasn't like they were the only couple. Just the most obvious one because of all the Glory Girl groupies.
I joined him in making a face. "Well. Any
good news I've missed?"
"One of those Wards tours. We got the speech last Friday. You know how it goes."
"Damn, I wanted to ask if all that spandex ever gets itchy." I chuckled. "It's good to be back."
"Your mom still a bit intense?"
"A
bit." I swallowed. "She was very… scared. By the whole. Collapsing frothing on the bus and needing to go in for surgery thing."
"Yeah. My parents definitely wouldn't react well to that." Chris scratched at the back of his neck. "How's classwork going? I imagine um. You had a lot of work to get done."
"Nah, turns out if your reason for absence is 'seizures and brain surgery' you just get stuff to read up on. That being said," I huffed, "It hasn't done me any favours in the learning department. Might have been good timing, actually, I think I managed to miss an essay assignment for biology." Which was sort of ironic, maybe.
"Yeah... I heard people complaining about that one. Probably sane to miss it."
Heh. Not like I could ask Mom for help - they'd be asking if I was a Tinker. "Well, that's school covered. Anything neat on PHO?"
"Oh! Actually, yeah, I saw this video - Hammerhands vs Merchants - and I thought you might be interested…"
-.-.-
