Month of the Rat 10th day. (Early Winter)
You found your mother where you expected her to be, in the workshop making small toys for her grand children. Kyuden Hida had dozens of small workshops most dedicated to crafting weapons or materials for the Kaiu traps...but a few just for the simple art of it all. This was one of the last kind with a low ceiling but an open door that let in the sunlight and kept the air moving.
Naturally she had her guards, but when you ordered them and your own out, she looks up in surprise.
"Hisao?" she asks.
You blink, you don't remember the grey in her hair, or the way the crows feet around her eyes tightened. When did your mother get old?
"Mother...I need to talk to you about something." You say.
"Is it...about that?" She looks towards the door and then down across your body.
"No, its about you." You say ignoring her continued attempt to get you with a concubine.
Your mother shifts to face you fully.
"About me? What's wrong?"
"Hida Kuon-san had an interesting talk about me...regarding a Hida Benjiro" You say.
There's no one sign that tells you anything, but a combination of them. The way her face goes too still, her eyes look everywhere but you, her hands tightening...there is something there.
"I...don't know the man except by reputation." She says.
A lie...a lie told to protect, but a lie, and that isn't...your mother never lied to you, that was what you believed.
Your face goes still as you speak simply.
"Mother, someone is blackmailing him, saying he is your lover. Its true isn't it?"
She says nothing as the toy she's working on is destroyed by the sudden tension in her hands. It says all you need to know.
You feel...truthfully you don't know what you feel. Angry that she lied, hurt that she somehow betrayed the memory of your father...disgust at Benjiro taking advantage of your mother. Sad that she didn't trust you with this. It's a confusing mix of emotions.
"Why?" You ask.
She looks down. "Does it matter? Nothing I say will make you forgive me."
"Forgive you for betraying Father..." you say less as a question and more as a statement.
"Hai...it does not matter that I mourned him for two years I mourned him before I found a companion while you were at Kyuden Moto...and then...it progressed, I was discreet, I did everything that these fucking Crane demand to keep an affair honourable...and its all for nothing." She says bitterly.
"Mother..." you begin.
"Don't mother me. I loved your father. I still love him...but I..." she trails off.
"Was lonely, you wanted at first just a way to enjoy being a woman again...but it turned into something more." You finish.
Something clicks in the back of your mind.
"The concubines....did your desire for them have something to do with this?"
"...Hai" she says slowly. "There was a..pregnancy scare, women my age don't...usually have children so..." she shrugs.
The quiet rage that you kept so leashed boils.
"Then you lean on one of the concubines to pass them off as one of my children? Mother how could you?!"
"What else was I supposed to do?" She meets your anger with her own. "A bastard from the Dowager Empress? That would destroy everything!"
"You were supposed to not have that issue!" You hiss back.
There's a vicious look in her face.
"Well I'm sorry Hisao, your mother isn't perfect like your Kaname. I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you"
The words hurt, they're meant to hurt, you've never really fought with your mother. You've spent time with her, you've enabled her to pursue her own projects...but you've never fought with her...and well, she learned to fight with words from your father.
"It's not about that" You throw back. "Its about you not telling me. What did you think I would lock you up in a tower like I was Hantei XXV?"
"I think you would do what you thought best for the Toturi, just as your father did, and yes that might mean locking me up, or sending Benjiro off to die somewhere." She says.
"...am I really that kind of monster, mother?"
Her black eyes meet yours.
"You've changed everything in the name of making the Empire and your position stronger, time and again when confronted with resistance, you choose an option to crush it rather than compromise. Why in ningen-do, would I believe that you would let me have a lover?"
You don't have a response to that. You don't have a response to any of this.
"I've ordered the blackmail taken care of, you have that at least" You say at last.
She nods and kowtows. "If I might leave my Emperor?"
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