Burden of the Emerald Empire (A Legend of the Five Rings Tale)
- Thread starter gman391
- Start date
- Fantasy
[X] Yasuki Chitose (+5 to the Crab. Lock to minimum of 20 for 3 years)
keenscythe
No longer NEET
- Location
- WA, USA
[X] Yasuki Chitose (+5 to the Crab. Lock to minimum of 20 for 3 years)
Choosing Chitose for the growth specialty. With the relative peace this is likely the best chance for such a policy to function.
Choosing Chitose for the growth specialty. With the relative peace this is likely the best chance for such a policy to function.
- Location
- Bulgaria
[X] Yasuki Chitose (+5 to the Crab. Lock to minimum of 20 for 3 years)
VicSage
Not Crazy
- Location
- Czechoslovakia
[X] Yasuki Chitose (+5 to the Crab. Lock to minimum of 20 for 3 years)
In that case, I put forward the motion we marry the former treasurer. What is Rokugan without drama that nobody is allowed to actually acknowledge?
In that case, I put forward the motion we marry the former treasurer. What is Rokugan without drama that nobody is allowed to actually acknowledge?
Deadly Snark
Tryhard As Fuck
I mean, that might be just crazy enough to work. Or it might be just plain crazy, who knows.
Year 12: Young Treasurer, Autumn Leaves
Month of the Rooster 3rd Day (Start of Autumn)
The autumn has started early this year, a killing frost already promising difficulties for the farmers to get their harvest in on time, a thousand different tax assessments would have to be lowered down for the year just in case, and the incipient chaos did promise to be a good challenge to your newest councilor, Yasuki Chitose.
That said, you can't say you dislike the cold wind on your skin as you walk through the garden, the rustling leaves falling to the ground as a dozen people surround you. It was calming, as calm as it ever was in the bustling heart of the Empire.
But as much as you enjoy the autumn air and the gentle sun descending in front of you, it wasn't why you were here.
Walking two steps behind you is Yasuki Chitose, newly arrived to the capital. Your first impressions are...poor.
While her mind is clearly first rate, the hesitation, the lack of force, its all wrong. She walks behind you waiting for you to speak, any of your other advisers would...
You're not being fair to her and you know it. She's not Hiroko, she's not your uncle, she's just herself, and that's all you can ask of her. But, as you the familiar pain of your wife blossoms in your heart, you can't seem to help it. You wanted...you wanted things to stay the same in your life, to still be talking to the people who have become your friends, even if they all keep themselves at a distance because of respect. They are your friends...or as close as you'll ever get and that's just going to have to be good enough for you.
You stop in front of a pond, maple leaves floating in it as the koi fish, fat and happy swim underneath. Chitose won't take the first step, so you'll have to.
"Yasuki-san, are you well?" you ask quietly.
"Hai!" she says half way between a chirp and a shout
Young too, you had forgotten that, somehow.
When did you become middle aged?
"Then speak Yasuki-san, if you are to advise me, you must have a strong heart." You say.
Chitose takes a deep breath.
Was this what you were like when you started? Filled with determination, but unsure of the channel?
"Yes Mikado. I thank you for the advice." She says, calmer, more composed.
Still reminds you of a bird somehow, not that you're going to say that. After waiting for sometime for her to continue, you glance at her with one eye, and she swallows slightly.
Is it cruel to ask a girl just a few years out of her gempukku to impress you? Probably, on the other hand, she was being offered a position that would likely be hers until she retired unless she made a tremendous mistake. Such a thing isn't given to those without the will to stand above the rest.
Chitose's hands tighten slightly.
"Mikado, Hiroko-san is a brilliant woman, and I can only promise that I will not be less than her. However, I am not going to be her in any way. She loved the merchant class, loved the flow of trade of understanding how goods moved. It is impolite to allege such but it is true, but while the flow of trade is important...it is not what I want to bring to the Empire."
You look back at the pond and nod slightly.
"The Empire has left behind so much in the Age of Chaos. Fields, Mines, Mills, Lumberyards, Fisheries, all of them either ruined in one battle or another, or emptied by lack of people...the Mikado has done much to put right this wayward land, but there is so much more that can be done...so much more to plant and sow so that our children will grow. I want to do this for the Emperor, and to show everyone that my family is more than what they say." Chitose says.
"Our children?" You ask levelly.
She blushes, oh, Jimen was going to eat her alive, probably...maybe ask Kotaro to insert a handmaiden or two to keep her out of trouble? Not the worst idea you've had.
"Ah, not...our children Mikado, I would never presume that, but your children and mine when I am wed." Chitose says.
You glance at her for a moment turning your head away from the pond.
Either she is a fantastic actress, or she really didn't intend for that slip, the report said she was good with people though...could it be that she was the...what had Uncle called it once? 'Pure Jelly Roll too good for this world'? something like that. Someone who honestly fit with the Doji Innocents more than the Yasuki, which is probably what made her effective. While you could be wrong about that...but as she tries not to fidget, you don't think you are.
"I see," you say mildly.
"Mikado" She says stiff. "What do you see for your Empire, what do you want me to do?"
Hmm an interesting question.
You want the Empire to prosper, you want to leave behind a land that is safe, peaceful, with the Throne being Strong able to both meet the outside world that the Emerald Empire could no longer keep at a distance, and keep the Clans in check.
You suppose, in essence, you wanted to do your duty, no more no less. But what you saw for your empire...what you want her to think about in terms of managing the treasury and growing it into the premier power it deserved to be...well, there was the obvious. The Yodotai were gearing up to punch across the deserts into the Jeweled City. However, there was also the more immediate threat of Shahai, and who ever the hell moved in to the abandoned Yobanjin lands to consider. But wasn't that all thinking small picture?
Chitose, would serve your daughter, so shouldn't you be thinking of how to make it so that when the time came, Minoru would have a stronger hand than you did?
The poor girl watches you, worry of offending you by asking such a question writ on her face.
But your answer is....
[] For now we have to prepare the realm for the burden of fighting the Yodotai
[] For now we have to prepare the realm for the Southern Foe
[] For now we have to prepare for the day when our north is no longer secure
[] Write in
With that said, you dismiss Chitose and watch the leaves on the pond.
She'd do, you supposed.
AN: This helps guide Chitose for her decisions coming forward, and also helps her form her opinion on you. So be careful here.
The autumn has started early this year, a killing frost already promising difficulties for the farmers to get their harvest in on time, a thousand different tax assessments would have to be lowered down for the year just in case, and the incipient chaos did promise to be a good challenge to your newest councilor, Yasuki Chitose.
That said, you can't say you dislike the cold wind on your skin as you walk through the garden, the rustling leaves falling to the ground as a dozen people surround you. It was calming, as calm as it ever was in the bustling heart of the Empire.
But as much as you enjoy the autumn air and the gentle sun descending in front of you, it wasn't why you were here.
Walking two steps behind you is Yasuki Chitose, newly arrived to the capital. Your first impressions are...poor.
While her mind is clearly first rate, the hesitation, the lack of force, its all wrong. She walks behind you waiting for you to speak, any of your other advisers would...
You're not being fair to her and you know it. She's not Hiroko, she's not your uncle, she's just herself, and that's all you can ask of her. But, as you the familiar pain of your wife blossoms in your heart, you can't seem to help it. You wanted...you wanted things to stay the same in your life, to still be talking to the people who have become your friends, even if they all keep themselves at a distance because of respect. They are your friends...or as close as you'll ever get and that's just going to have to be good enough for you.
You stop in front of a pond, maple leaves floating in it as the koi fish, fat and happy swim underneath. Chitose won't take the first step, so you'll have to.
"Yasuki-san, are you well?" you ask quietly.
"Hai!" she says half way between a chirp and a shout
Young too, you had forgotten that, somehow.
When did you become middle aged?
"Then speak Yasuki-san, if you are to advise me, you must have a strong heart." You say.
Chitose takes a deep breath.
Was this what you were like when you started? Filled with determination, but unsure of the channel?
"Yes Mikado. I thank you for the advice." She says, calmer, more composed.
Still reminds you of a bird somehow, not that you're going to say that. After waiting for sometime for her to continue, you glance at her with one eye, and she swallows slightly.
Is it cruel to ask a girl just a few years out of her gempukku to impress you? Probably, on the other hand, she was being offered a position that would likely be hers until she retired unless she made a tremendous mistake. Such a thing isn't given to those without the will to stand above the rest.
Chitose's hands tighten slightly.
"Mikado, Hiroko-san is a brilliant woman, and I can only promise that I will not be less than her. However, I am not going to be her in any way. She loved the merchant class, loved the flow of trade of understanding how goods moved. It is impolite to allege such but it is true, but while the flow of trade is important...it is not what I want to bring to the Empire."
You look back at the pond and nod slightly.
"The Empire has left behind so much in the Age of Chaos. Fields, Mines, Mills, Lumberyards, Fisheries, all of them either ruined in one battle or another, or emptied by lack of people...the Mikado has done much to put right this wayward land, but there is so much more that can be done...so much more to plant and sow so that our children will grow. I want to do this for the Emperor, and to show everyone that my family is more than what they say." Chitose says.
"Our children?" You ask levelly.
She blushes, oh, Jimen was going to eat her alive, probably...maybe ask Kotaro to insert a handmaiden or two to keep her out of trouble? Not the worst idea you've had.
"Ah, not...our children Mikado, I would never presume that, but your children and mine when I am wed." Chitose says.
You glance at her for a moment turning your head away from the pond.
Either she is a fantastic actress, or she really didn't intend for that slip, the report said she was good with people though...could it be that she was the...what had Uncle called it once? 'Pure Jelly Roll too good for this world'? something like that. Someone who honestly fit with the Doji Innocents more than the Yasuki, which is probably what made her effective. While you could be wrong about that...but as she tries not to fidget, you don't think you are.
"I see," you say mildly.
"Mikado" She says stiff. "What do you see for your Empire, what do you want me to do?"
Hmm an interesting question.
You want the Empire to prosper, you want to leave behind a land that is safe, peaceful, with the Throne being Strong able to both meet the outside world that the Emerald Empire could no longer keep at a distance, and keep the Clans in check.
You suppose, in essence, you wanted to do your duty, no more no less. But what you saw for your empire...what you want her to think about in terms of managing the treasury and growing it into the premier power it deserved to be...well, there was the obvious. The Yodotai were gearing up to punch across the deserts into the Jeweled City. However, there was also the more immediate threat of Shahai, and who ever the hell moved in to the abandoned Yobanjin lands to consider. But wasn't that all thinking small picture?
Chitose, would serve your daughter, so shouldn't you be thinking of how to make it so that when the time came, Minoru would have a stronger hand than you did?
The poor girl watches you, worry of offending you by asking such a question writ on her face.
But your answer is....
[] For now we have to prepare the realm for the burden of fighting the Yodotai
[] For now we have to prepare the realm for the Southern Foe
[] For now we have to prepare for the day when our north is no longer secure
[] Write in
With that said, you dismiss Chitose and watch the leaves on the pond.
She'd do, you supposed.
AN: This helps guide Chitose for her decisions coming forward, and also helps her form her opinion on you. So be careful here.
- Location
- Leeds
C'mon Dark you've watched anime. Is Anpan right? The Red Bean paste snack thing?
As for the vote
[Q] Everything in the empire is on fire or about to combust and I just want to put as much out as possible.
Deadly Snark
Tryhard As Fuck
[X] For now we have to prepare for the day when our north is no longer secure
keenscythe
No longer NEET
- Location
- WA, USA
[] For now we have to prepare the realm for the burden of fighting the Yodotai
Needs doing, but with the Pact of Four Empires Progress is already being made and with the Jewel as well as the other Gaijin nations as buffers we should should have advance notice.
[] For now we have to prepare the realm for the Southern Foe
Shahai is going to quit and has frankly made things personal but the Crab have been reinforced with and then further infused with Ivory (effects pending) so for the moment we can trust in the Crab like we have been doing.
[X] For now we have to prepare for the day when our north is no longer secure
Togashi-no-kami saw fit to warn Hisao of the some danger to the north so since it is an unknown threat plus the fact that the northern border is not as heavily reinforced as the south I vote for boosting the north.
Also whatever matchmaker sent Chitose has Hisao's number. Beauty + Pure innocent cinnamon roll? Unless she is secretly maho or dies I think she will wiggle her way into Hisao's heart by the time the mourning period is over.
Needs doing, but with the Pact of Four Empires Progress is already being made and with the Jewel as well as the other Gaijin nations as buffers we should should have advance notice.
[] For now we have to prepare the realm for the Southern Foe
Shahai is going to quit and has frankly made things personal but the Crab have been reinforced with and then further infused with Ivory (effects pending) so for the moment we can trust in the Crab like we have been doing.
[X] For now we have to prepare for the day when our north is no longer secure
Togashi-no-kami saw fit to warn Hisao of the some danger to the north so since it is an unknown threat plus the fact that the northern border is not as heavily reinforced as the south I vote for boosting the north.
Also whatever matchmaker sent Chitose has Hisao's number. Beauty + Pure innocent cinnamon roll? Unless she is secretly maho or dies I think she will wiggle her way into Hisao's heart by the time the mourning period is over.
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VicSage
Not Crazy
- Location
- Czechoslovakia
[X] For now we have to prepare the realm for the Southern Foe
Our wife was effectively murdered by the Shadowlands, they wouldn't be getting this bold if they didn't intend to do, or have the power to do, something soon.
Our wife was effectively murdered by the Shadowlands, they wouldn't be getting this bold if they didn't intend to do, or have the power to do, something soon.
It can't be crazy, because I came up with is and am clearly not crazy.
- Location
- Moon-Station
[X] For now we have to prepare the realm for the burden of fighting the Yodotai
- Location
- Leeds
I'm having a hard time with this one Yotodai are my first instinct as the next and immediate crisis, (and one as the one thats been foreshadowed the longest I find it very ominous). However Chitose is absolutely right,
I don't want to pick what fire we think we need to get ready to out next even if we have a bucket chain that stretches across the empire we're just minimising damage, not truely rebuilding or progressing.
@gman391 can I sound you out on something like this and if it is what I expected or if there are consequences/implications/results that I wasn't intending, I think it probably is a somewhat more optimistic long term plan than fortify the north, also pulling in her own metaphors because why not. Although hopefully someone else in the thread will be able to prettify it.
[X] Thank you for your insight, this is thinking is exactly what I was hoping for. It's not enough to merely prepare for the next big crisis, because that still leaves people suffering elsewhere. Fill the fields, repair the mines, the children deserve a brighter future.
Every war and crisis we win costs lives and as often as not I feel that even if we come out in a stronger political situation the Empire itself has decayed a little.
I don't want to pick what fire we think we need to get ready to out next even if we have a bucket chain that stretches across the empire we're just minimising damage, not truely rebuilding or progressing.
@gman391 can I sound you out on something like this and if it is what I expected or if there are consequences/implications/results that I wasn't intending, I think it probably is a somewhat more optimistic long term plan than fortify the north, also pulling in her own metaphors because why not. Although hopefully someone else in the thread will be able to prettify it.
[X] Thank you for your insight, this is thinking is exactly what I was hoping for. It's not enough to merely prepare for the next big crisis, because that still leaves people suffering elsewhere. Fill the fields, repair the mines, the children deserve a brighter future.
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@Dark as Silver
Yes that is acceptable as a write in. Assuming you're going for 'there's no one thing to focus on we need to do all of them' sort of thing?
Yes that is acceptable as a write in. Assuming you're going for 'there's no one thing to focus on we need to do all of them' sort of thing?
- Location
- Leeds
Yeah with a possible seasoning of we'll get through all of the immediate problems somehow, so its okay to look towards the future.
[X] Thank you for your insight, this is thinking is exactly what I was hoping for. It's not enough to merely prepare for the next big crisis, because that still leaves people suffering elsewhere. Fill the fields, repair the mines, the children deserve a brighter future.
Winter Court XII
Shiro Akodo, Month of the Rat 12th day. (Early Winter)
Loyalty Castle was...austere. While there had apparently been a flurry of building to accommodate the Imperial Court, it was still rather less than even the sedate grace of Kyuden Ikoma. There was a reason for that of course, the Akodo had traditionally preferred to allow their vassals in the Ikoma to handle the Imperial Winter Court while they focused on internal Lion matters.
However, it was different now, after decades of trying and failing to reclaim the championship, the Akodo had been restored in full, and your brother Takeshi had wanted to imprint that even more fully on the minds of the Empire. The Akodo were back, and they would never again fall the way they had.
You didn't really mind helping out your brother like this, but it's still lonely here. The walls are covered with paintings of battles won by the Lion. That no few are against the Crane is probably a subtle dig by the decorator that Takeshi didn't sign off on, but who knows.
A sigh as you look out at the window, the heavy snows have already begun, covering the world in a blanket of white that some how preserves a stark beauty that leaves you filled with ennui.
Mono no aware the Crane call it.
You call it trying to ignore the dark feelings in your heart. Almost a year since...since...
"Promise me" her voice comes to your mind unbidden.
A shuddering breath as you force the feelings back down. You couldn't afford to dwell on Her, couldn't afford to wonder about what she'd think of think of this place, what her touch felt like against you, the soft sounds she made as she rested in your arms.
You couldn't.
There's a clap at the door.
Another deep breath before you turn.
"Enter" you call.
The door slide open and Takeshi kowtows to you.
"Honoured Emperor, I trust that things are to your liking?" he asks.
"Hai, more than adequate, you may rise." You answer.
Takeshi rises, his dark eyes so like your own, look into yours searching for something.
"I..." he hesitates. "Mikado, a brother wishes to speak to his sibling, yet knows not the words for they are distant now. What does he do?"
"He should offer an ikebana arrangement to show his feelings to the brother, and invite a reply."
"A carnation and jasmine obviously, and a white camellia?" He offers.
Carnation as family here, as jasmine took the role of friendship and the white camellia to show wanting, but it lacked something to set it off...a violet, yes for honesty.
"I would say a violet would not go amiss." You say.
"No I dare say not my Emperor." He replies. "If the Mikado will excuse his servant?"
He rises to leave, and you find yourself...saying nothing, watching him go. You know that he wants to talk to you, not as ruler and subject, but as brothers, but you can't find it in you to let him in.
Because, Takeshi will want to talk about Her, and you can't bear to do that not now, not here. You must be strong, while the Lion and Crane had accepted the creation of the Frog Clan, there were still those who disliked it, and if the Emperor seemed to be weakening as he grew, they would plot and wait.
You cannot allow that to happen.
So instead you turn to look out the window, and enjoy the sun sparkling on the snow, as the evening entertainment is prepared.
-------
A distant part of you isn't quite sure how you got here. It had begun with the traditional Winding Water Banquet, despite the chill, the Kitsu had dutifully convinced the water to move all the same, and the konsatsu had warmed the hearts and bodies of everyone who cared to participate.
The key feature of the banquet of course was the floating meals and sake, lots and lots of sake. The rice wine was drunk in...a large amount, which is what you get from a tradition started by an Emperor trying to combine the two favourite pastimes of the Crab and Crane.
So you had partook, and then one thing led to another, as the sake warmed your body and loosened your self control, haiku filling the air, slurred syllables coming to discount many as the evening wore on.
Finally you had had enough it was too happy, too optimistic for you, and you had to leave, staggering to your feet, you had moved away from the banquet, the small band of Seppun guarding you like a hawk as you stumbled towards your quarters.
But even as you moved towards them, you...someone said something about a geisha house and it had seemed like a grand old idea, so you now sat in the floating world listening the gentle murmurs of the koto as the guards took up defensive positions all around the house.
In front of you sat Takeshi, his own face betrayed the alcohol he had drunk as well, not as much as you it seemed, but enough that anything said could be denied by the sake.
He'd gotten clever, but you still weren't going to talk were you?
The ikebana arrangement from earlier is in front of you. All you had to do was to speak, and he'd listen, he...he always put family first, it was something you wish you had done more of. Takeshi was even now being a good brother...
The smell of hot tea fills the air as you look to see a very pretty young woman pouring it. Well it wasn't like the Champion's geisha house wouldn't have the best of the best in it. You look away from her and back to Takeshi.
The music pulls almost silent as the air fills between you. Words struggle to come for you to say, something, anything to end this but in the end you say:
[] "I miss her" gods how you miss her
[] "I'm sorry" for so many things, but most of all for not being the brother he deserves
[] "I can't" you can't let it go, if you heal you will forget...
AN: Sorry about the delay. Now we see Takeshi taking the steps no one else can.
Loyalty Castle was...austere. While there had apparently been a flurry of building to accommodate the Imperial Court, it was still rather less than even the sedate grace of Kyuden Ikoma. There was a reason for that of course, the Akodo had traditionally preferred to allow their vassals in the Ikoma to handle the Imperial Winter Court while they focused on internal Lion matters.
However, it was different now, after decades of trying and failing to reclaim the championship, the Akodo had been restored in full, and your brother Takeshi had wanted to imprint that even more fully on the minds of the Empire. The Akodo were back, and they would never again fall the way they had.
You didn't really mind helping out your brother like this, but it's still lonely here. The walls are covered with paintings of battles won by the Lion. That no few are against the Crane is probably a subtle dig by the decorator that Takeshi didn't sign off on, but who knows.
A sigh as you look out at the window, the heavy snows have already begun, covering the world in a blanket of white that some how preserves a stark beauty that leaves you filled with ennui.
Mono no aware the Crane call it.
You call it trying to ignore the dark feelings in your heart. Almost a year since...since...
"Promise me" her voice comes to your mind unbidden.
A shuddering breath as you force the feelings back down. You couldn't afford to dwell on Her, couldn't afford to wonder about what she'd think of think of this place, what her touch felt like against you, the soft sounds she made as she rested in your arms.
You couldn't.
There's a clap at the door.
Another deep breath before you turn.
"Enter" you call.
The door slide open and Takeshi kowtows to you.
"Honoured Emperor, I trust that things are to your liking?" he asks.
"Hai, more than adequate, you may rise." You answer.
Takeshi rises, his dark eyes so like your own, look into yours searching for something.
"I..." he hesitates. "Mikado, a brother wishes to speak to his sibling, yet knows not the words for they are distant now. What does he do?"
"He should offer an ikebana arrangement to show his feelings to the brother, and invite a reply."
"A carnation and jasmine obviously, and a white camellia?" He offers.
Carnation as family here, as jasmine took the role of friendship and the white camellia to show wanting, but it lacked something to set it off...a violet, yes for honesty.
"I would say a violet would not go amiss." You say.
"No I dare say not my Emperor." He replies. "If the Mikado will excuse his servant?"
He rises to leave, and you find yourself...saying nothing, watching him go. You know that he wants to talk to you, not as ruler and subject, but as brothers, but you can't find it in you to let him in.
Because, Takeshi will want to talk about Her, and you can't bear to do that not now, not here. You must be strong, while the Lion and Crane had accepted the creation of the Frog Clan, there were still those who disliked it, and if the Emperor seemed to be weakening as he grew, they would plot and wait.
You cannot allow that to happen.
So instead you turn to look out the window, and enjoy the sun sparkling on the snow, as the evening entertainment is prepared.
-------
A distant part of you isn't quite sure how you got here. It had begun with the traditional Winding Water Banquet, despite the chill, the Kitsu had dutifully convinced the water to move all the same, and the konsatsu had warmed the hearts and bodies of everyone who cared to participate.
The key feature of the banquet of course was the floating meals and sake, lots and lots of sake. The rice wine was drunk in...a large amount, which is what you get from a tradition started by an Emperor trying to combine the two favourite pastimes of the Crab and Crane.
So you had partook, and then one thing led to another, as the sake warmed your body and loosened your self control, haiku filling the air, slurred syllables coming to discount many as the evening wore on.
Finally you had had enough it was too happy, too optimistic for you, and you had to leave, staggering to your feet, you had moved away from the banquet, the small band of Seppun guarding you like a hawk as you stumbled towards your quarters.
But even as you moved towards them, you...someone said something about a geisha house and it had seemed like a grand old idea, so you now sat in the floating world listening the gentle murmurs of the koto as the guards took up defensive positions all around the house.
In front of you sat Takeshi, his own face betrayed the alcohol he had drunk as well, not as much as you it seemed, but enough that anything said could be denied by the sake.
He'd gotten clever, but you still weren't going to talk were you?
The ikebana arrangement from earlier is in front of you. All you had to do was to speak, and he'd listen, he...he always put family first, it was something you wish you had done more of. Takeshi was even now being a good brother...
The smell of hot tea fills the air as you look to see a very pretty young woman pouring it. Well it wasn't like the Champion's geisha house wouldn't have the best of the best in it. You look away from her and back to Takeshi.
The music pulls almost silent as the air fills between you. Words struggle to come for you to say, something, anything to end this but in the end you say:
[] "I miss her" gods how you miss her
[] "I'm sorry" for so many things, but most of all for not being the brother he deserves
[] "I can't" you can't let it go, if you heal you will forget...
AN: Sorry about the delay. Now we see Takeshi taking the steps no one else can.
[x] "I'm sorry" for so many things, but most of all for not being the brother he deserves