Remove ads

Belated Battleships (KanColle) [REHOST]

Reader mode
LadyPearl said:
Gale: Noooo!! I've suffered enough.
NJ: You deal with the destroyers though, so she won't be your problem.
Admiral Williams: She's mine... *groans*
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

N.J.: It's your job, sir, and you wanted it.

Adm. Williams: Says who!?


I imagine Alabama as talking like a female Hank Hill.

"God damn it, Bobby!"

...

"I dispense cordite, and cordite accessories."

Maybe throw in a little Blue Collar Comedy Tour-style humor for good measure.

"If you attack Pearl Harbor, and you don't see why that's a bad idea...you might be an Abyssal. Here's your sign."
 
Last edited:
Fun thought. After this whole mess with Pearl Harbor is over, the Blue Collar Comedy Quartet goes on a new tour, hitting up the major ship-girl bases. It'd be an especially huge hit with the 'southern bells' of the bunch. I can just see Saratoga covering her mouth in that classic "Oh my GOD he said WHAT!? I can't laugh at THAT but ohmigosh it is SO FUNNY!!!" gesture, and Texas just cackling whooping the whole way.

(OH GAWD, I can't WAIT to see how Pringles reacts!)
 
* * * * *

She was now utterly convinced.

Were there ever any shred of doubt in her mind, her current situation would have cast it aside without a second thought.

She truly was in Hell.

"Pennsylvania, you've barely touched your ice cream. It's going to melt at this rate."

Pennsylvania turned her crimson glare away from the frozen treat sitting peacefully in its paper cup to the all too nosy cruiser sitting across from her. She did her best to ignore the laughing, giggling, and overall upbeat noise emanating from the gaggle of destroyers sitting with them. It was... irritatingly difficult.

"And what business is it of yours how quickly I eat?" She impaled the scoops of chocolate chip cookie dough with her spoon without looking away from Jintsuu. "Perhaps I like half-melted ice cream."

Jintsuu's expression, as best she could tell, seemed to radiate the desire to call baloney on her statement. It would have been accurate, too. She rather liked her frozen desserts to be consumed as such. Especially if it has something that could go soggy mixed within. Soggy cookies in her ice cream was a surefire way to set her off. A discovery that had surprised her even more than the unfortunate young man who had been passing by and borne witness to her epiphany.

It had been... loud. And embarrassing.

"That's baloney."

Pennsylvania slowly turned her head to face the owner of the voice. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jintsuu trying to hold back her amusement and the other destroyers torn between laughter and abject horror. She could feel the fury bubbling up at their impudence.

"Excuse me?" she nearly growled out.

Shimakaze looked up defiantly at her.

"You like ice cream just as much as Mom likes donuts. No way you'd let it melt. Or I'm slow as a standard." Shimakaze crossed her arms and huffed in an overt display of pride at having stood up to her. Even those rabbit-like ears on her ribbon seemed to be standing up a little more than fabric ought to. The destroyer's lazy eyes seemed to be daring her to deny it. Daring her to strike back.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

So this was how it was going to play out?

This irritating little child was going to trade fire with her? Her? A standard type battleship of the United States Navy? If she was so eager to jump in her coffin, then who was she to stop her?

Pennsylvania leaned forward, looming over Shimakaze with blazing crimson eyes.

The table had gone nearly silent as they watched the exchange with baited breath. Only Jintsuu wasn't sweating bullets, but she had a palpable aura of unease about her.

Pennsylvania raised a finger with a slow, deliberate motion and placed it on the blonde destroyer's forehead. There was a spark of... something, when Shimakaze did not so much as flinch. Whatever it was, she dismissed it as nothing. She narrowed her eyes and glared mercilessly.

"My sister outran you."

With those four words, she watched Shimakaze visibly deflate and fall in on herself with a haunted expression.

"O-Ou..."

Pennsylvania huffed and turned away, returning her attention to her ice cream. Her ice cream which was beginning to look a little too soupy for her preferences. Dammit! All these accursed distractions. Let her finish her snack in peace! She couldn't just shove it in a box or a bag or whatnot for later like Ari could with a donut.

She took a hefty bite of the treat and savored it, letting the sweetness fill her senses. A relaxed expression was taking hold of her features and she didn't care one whit if it made her look silly.

However the prolonged silence that only appeared to be growing was beginning to grate on her nerves. Normally the silence would be welcome given her current company. But given these were destroyers, it was also unnatural. Unnatural and unnerving. And both lent themselves frustratingly well to yet more distractions.

After another spoonful, she looked up and glared at the the surrounding warships. Only Shimakaze wasn't staring at her like she'd grown a third eye.

"What?" she nearly snarled, her temper rising.

"Ah, well. Um..." Kawakaze was twirling her fingers in an attempt to look innocent while trying to avoid Pennsylvania's stare.

"We thought you were going to lash out at her." Hatsuzuki cut in when it became apparent Kawakaze had become tongue tied. The normally soft spoken destroyer tilted her head slightly and adopted a slightly confused expression. "Not... tease her."

Shimakaze looked up and glared at her fellow destroyers with a betrayed and angry expression.

"Don't use me as a social litmus test!"

"Wasn't the intention, speedboat. You were asking for a reaming after all." Kawakaze thumbed over in Pennsylvania's direction with a toothy grin and mischief painted all over her person. A sharp shift in demeanor considering she'd been visibly unnerved by the battleship's attention not moments earlier. "Taunting the world's angriest battleship? Who do you think you are? A Taffy?"

Pennsylvania felt her anger fizzle out into confusion as the blonde fired back with a rather... unladylike retort. One that turned Kawakaze bright red and was sure to have set off Ari. She herself might have taken issue with the verbiage used, but she was rapidly losing her motivation to stay vested in this little altercation. Let the children bicker and make fools of themselves all they wanted. She'd try to find the drive to involve herself again if they got too out of hand.

Maybe.

At least the two Akizuki's were trying to distance themselves from the back and forth. More Hatsuzuki than Teruzuki, but an effort was being made. Sort of.

She let out a low grumble and returned to her ice cream. There was a tiny part of her that was surprised Jintsuu hadn't put a stop to things. Another part was more shocked she cared enough to bother being surprised in the first place. She really shouldn't give a hoot one way or the other. These people were allies in battle. Nothing more. They merely shared the same enemy.

And she had just teased a Japanese destroyer who was, by all manner of insane logic, her niece. All thanks to her little sister somehow adopting the little girl.

She ran a hand through her hair in frustration.

Things like this were not supposed to happen.

These girls should be throwing torpedoes at her. They ought to be slinging shell at her. Trying to kill her in earnest no matter the odds of success.

They were the enemy.

Her most hated foe.

The smell of oily smoke invaded her senses, eating away at the clean, sweet taste of the parlor. A once cool table now felt all too warm and-

"Pennsylvania!"

"Wha?"

She blinked and gone were the sensations of her demons. Had it happened again? Like at Woody Island?

Pennsylvania ran a finger across the table experimentally. It was anything but hot. It was barely even lukewarm. The air conditioning and nature of the establishment ensured it was nice and cool to better serve their desserts of choice.

Not hot.

Not burning.

"I..."

Her crimson eyes widened and she snapped around to see a Japanese cruiser and a squadron of Japanese destroyers. Japanese warships looking at her with... that? Not... hate? No. Concern? How?

Why?

"Pennsylvania, are you back?" Jintsuu's question parted the fog that had been attempting to settle over her. Yet it was not a question of if she was alright. She... wasn't. And a sliver of her heart was glad she hadn't been asked that.

"Pennsylvania?"

"Pennsy?"

"Miss Pennsylvania?"

More and more the destroyers harangued her for some sort of confirmation of her wellbeing. They just kept pestering her. Nonstop with genuine concern. And it was driving her mad.

"Oh, shut your mouths!" She finally barked, slamming a fist onto the table. The impact sent the various cups, plates, and silverware rattling about. "Behave and eat your ice cream before it melts. Or I'll eat it and you won't get any!"

This wasn't supposed to be happening.

She fumed internally. It wasn't. And yet it was. For Heaven's sake, she had the perfect opportunity to skive off this little after-action endeavor. There was not one single thing stopping her from telling them to leave her alone so she could retire to her room with her thoughts and reflections on the patrol they'd just finished. Perfectly alone and as far removed from interaction with the Japanese warships on base as possible.

Yet she had acted against her better judgement and joined them, acquiescing to Jintsuu's polite offer. She hadn't even realized the destroyers were doing that blasted Destroyer Eyes thing that so many seemed to fall under the spell of. She'd just... accepted. Even without knowing what they were going to make a snack of, she'd accepted.

It was infuriating. Infuriating and confusing.

"Care for another?"

Pennsylvania glanced upwards at the now standing Jintsuu.

"I want to try one of their specials. Would you like some more cookie dough while I'm up?" The offer was sincere. There was no trace whatever of malice, deceit, or... anything for that matter. Nothing beyond an offer to save her a trip to the counter.

The clinking sound of metal on glass told her she'd finished her ice cream without even realizing it. A brief look around told her the destroyers seemed to have done as she'd demanded and were finishing up their own ice cream.

Had... had she just zoned out completely?

Jintsuu gave her a small smile.

"You're not imagining things. They calmed down considerably after you snapped at them." Jintsuu placed her hands on her hips. "You were in your own world and they didn't want to disturb you again. Neither did I, but I don't think you would have appreciated poking at an empty cup."

Ah. So she had. At least she'd stayed in the present. There was that at least...

"So, would you like me to bring you anything?"

Shimakaze all but leaped out of her seat, cutting off the beginning of any sort of decision making Pennsylvania had been about to begin.

"Ca-Would you bring me a Donut-chan Special?"

Pennsylvania did not miss the baffled look the other girls were giving Shimakaze. What in the seven seas was a Donut-chan? And why did it have a special?

Whatever it was, it seemed to have left Jintsuu biting her tongue in a visible effort to maintain an image of calm. It was failing spectacularly. In all honesty, Pennsylvania thought the sight was rather unnerving.

"S-Sure, Shima." She cleared her throat and repeated her offer once again. "Pennsylvania?"

Oh, fine...

"I'll have that fudge swirl concoction." As least it was something that didn't run the risk of going soggy.

As Jintsuu departed, Pennsylvania turned to the once more hyperactive Shimakaze. The girl was humming some sort of tune and had a wide smile on her face.

"Miss Pennsylvania, are you wondering about Donut-chan?" It was Hatsuzuki who spoke up. There was an odd expression on her face. Something that mixed her usual calm with liberal amounts of embarrassment and conflict. Whatever the answer was, the girl did not seem eager to share it.

"I can only guess it's one of this country's bizarre mascots. Don't you have any normal mascots? Or at least any that aren't running around in miniskirts like they belong in the red light district?" Pennsylvania's tone as accusatory, but she was asking a genuine question.

"W-We do..." Hatsuzuki answered while trying to retain some measure of composure. "It's just that this on-"

"That was faster than I expected." Jintsuu's sudden interruption brought with it three cups of frozen delights.

Something the Akizuki-class was obviously relieved by.

"Ou!"

"Let's see. An Admiral's Dream for myself. A Smokescreen Swirl for Pennsy." Jintsuu set two of the cups down with masterful handling. Not once did it look like the cups would tip or spill despite her managing two in one hand.

Pennsylvania had been about to growl out a demand to not be called by that silly nickname when she laid eyes upon what had to be the Donut-chan Special.

It wasn't the volume of ice cream contained within the larger than normal container. Nor was it the multitude of pastry chunks, sprinkles, and a trio of some sort of cylindrical cookie that looked like it had been arranged to look like a turret's guns. No, that was all secondary. Tertiary, even.

She raised a finger to point at the plastic figure standing atop the sugar and cream laden monstrosity.

"What. In SECNAV's name. Is that."

It was less a question and more of a demand, but she didn't really care how utterly dumbfounded she sounded.

It was Teruzuki who answered.

"Magical Donut-girl Arizona-chan."

Pennsylvania felt her anger confound itself and explode so hard that it looped around into something akin to an exhausted state of resignation. She was vaguely aware of her jaw making the motions to open and close her mouth, but there was no sound being made. A number of her fairy crew seemed to have fainted and yet more were just as dumbfounded as she was.

"Magical Donut-girl Arizona-chan?" she questioned stonily.

"Ou! She's awesome. And the fact she exists at all drives Mom up the wall. So that's always funny." Shimakaze stated amusedly before digging in with abandon.

Pennsylvania sat upright and stared at the far wall, unblinking.

"I think I have a new reason to hate this place..."

Kawakaze laughed.

"At least there's no Magical Pennsy-chan?"

Pennsylvania vowed in that moment to throw Kawakaze into a lake at the next opportunity. And for some reason, the violence she planned to enact did not hold any sort of malice. Just personal, comedic revenge for saying something incredibly stupid.

It... didn't feel bad.

"Would she be Ice Cream Queen Pennsy-chan or..."

...

She'd make sure to throw Teruzuki into the same lake.

* * * * *
 
I really do need to do another omake.

But I'm in the opposite position as JMP. He can't post on here, I won't post on SB.


(suffice to say if what my sister told me is true, I have even less inclination to go back on that website now, half a year since I stopped. Not even a page into a new idea thread and people are already doing the old things)
 
Welp, have an update from me then...

Updated colors and details....need to redo torpedo tubes, detail mast...

...and stick a Faerie in the tooth gap...
 
Harry Leferts said:
Yeeeeeees! Let Magical Donut-girl Arizona-chan rise!
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Hiei: Magical!
Mutsu: Donut!
Hiei/Mutsu: Transformation~!
Ari: *impotent angrish*

Oh, the unfortunate soul who witnessed Pennsy's ice cream based wrath?

That was Minion.
:V
Skywalker_T-65 said:
I really do need to do another omake.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Yes, please! Sky-sensei!
Skywalker_T-65 said:
On the subject of images:

Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
...well then.

*dies*
 
Skywalker_T-65 said:
(suffice to say if what my sister told me is true, I have even less inclination to go back on that website now, half a year since I stopped. Not even a page into a new idea thread and people are already doing the old things)
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
To be honest, there was a somewhat good reason there. Since the thread got to the point that there were three hundred pages left, there has been talks regarding the new thread as someone needed to be an OP and to threadmark stuff in it. It was all sorted out including Sasa officially handing over the reigns to the guy who would be in charge of the new thread and we had about ninety pages left... when a guy who barely posted in the old thread showed up and then created a new thread with barely anything in it.

Needless to say, no one was impressed.
Rampantfury said:
Oh god, @Old Iron what abomination have you unleashed?! :o
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Actually... he was not the one who unleashed this one. :p
 
Old Iron said:
Pennsylvania felt her anger confound itself and explode so hard that it looped around into something akin to an exhausted state of resignation. She was vaguely aware of her jaw making the motions to open and close her mouth, but there was no sound being made. A number of her fairy crew seemed to have fainted and yet more were just as dumbfounded as she was.

"Magical Donut-girl Arizona-chan?" she questioned stonily.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...


This was a great update, and I'm glad we get to see Pennsylvania dealing with some of her growing edges. This section just has me imagining her developing an eye twitch or muscle tic that appears in response to this kind of thing.

As she deals with the Japanese girls more often I'm sure she will improve slowly. But only after a few destroyers, subs, cruisers, and maybe a battleship or two have received a lake baptizing....
 
Last edited:
Old Iron said:
Kawakaze laughed.

"At least there's no Magical Pennsy-chan?"

Pennsylvania vowed in that moment to throw Kawakaze into a lake at the next opportunity. And for some reason, the violence she planned to enact did not hold any sort of malice. Just personal, comedic revenge for saying something incredibly stupid.

It... didn't feel bad.

"Would she be Ice Cream Queen Pennsy-chan or..."

...

She'd make sure to throw Teruzuki into the same lake.

* * * * *
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
I just realized... would this make such a Pennsy the Dairy Queen?
 
Reader mode
You must login or register to reply here.
Remove ads
Back
Top