AFHB is now over a year old, the longest time I've consistently updated a story on a regular basis.
Originally, this was nothing more than a one-shot tentatively titled Knife's Edge. A short snippet that was never meant to be anything beyond that. Taylor fought Lung, Taylor killed Lung. It was just a single glimpse into how I imagined Taylor getting MEoDP might play out.
The reason Taylor's characterization used to feel so inconsistent in the early chapters? Why things were so disjoint? That was me scrambling to cover my ass as I tried to figure out what the fuck I was actually trying to do and where I wanted to go with it all.
Suddenly, I had to come up with why Taylor was fighting Lung. What led to it. How she actually ended up with her powers. I had to build a story both backwards and forwards simultaneously, which in turn ended up meaning I had to revise Taylor's characterization in order to fit the backstory I created better.
It's still happening, actually. I'm currently editing 2.2/2.3/2.4 because those chapters are weird.
Somehow, though, I managed to pull off exactly what I wanted, balancing tone and atmosphere, planning out and diagramming certain events and themes to make sure everything evened out, even if I did get carried away at points (*cough* 2.1 Amy and 2.3 Taylor *cough*). Ultimately it's the work of a lot of thought. Piecing things together, planning out where parts should go so they have the most impact or meaning, emphasizing character traits and then developing them (for better or worse).
So yeah, there's a peek into how all of this started. I know some of you have been with it since the very, very beginning, and I have to say thank you for that because otherwise this never would have gotten the opportunity to grow into the story it's become.
Anyways. This chapter's been in the oven for far too long, and we need to move on. So here. Have some words.
Rend 3.2
Ayame Akiyama
10:32 AM EST, Thursday, April 14, 2011
For some reason, it wasn't as surprising as it should have been to find out Taylor was involved with capes. If anything, it seemed to suit her. There was a certain… larger-than-life quality that Taylor had about her that seemed to approach the way the public saw people like Alexandria or Legend.
So even if it was unexpected, it wasn't exactly surprising.
When Taylor had appeared in that doorway, it had been hard, so hard, not to break down crying again in relief. Because she would make everything right. She always did.
She'd reached out, held them, like she'd known without even asking that that was what they needed most, to feel someone who cared, someone who would stay, someone who would never harm them, erasing the taint those men had imprinted on them.
In a world where everything was wrong and nothing made sense anymore, Taylor was familiar and safe.
She might not have been able to erase the pain or the bruises, but she made it easier to ignore them.
She'd taken them away from that place, brought them with her to somewhere different, somewhere unfamiliar, a place that didn't hold any memories, that couldn't remind them of anything.
They'd been able to wash themselves, and Aya had felt much better afterwards, though she was nearly falling asleep on her feet. Taylor had brought them clothes, new clothes, and then she'd stayed with them during the few hours of sleep they'd gotten, anchoring them in the present, keeping them from slipping back.
Taylor clearly trusted Lisa, the girl who'd found them while wearing that purple and black outfit. But that was enough for her and her sister. Lisa's sincerity had only been confirmed further when the girl gave them food and new clothes that fit them, offering to help find their parents and asking for nothing in return.
She missed her parents. She wanted her mother and father so badly it hurt. She wanted miso soup in the morning and the stupid jokes her dad made. She wanted to hear about the new books that had just arrived at the store, and her mother's uncensored opinion of them. She wanted words in her rice on exam days even if she kept telling Kaa-san she was too old for that now. And she wanted to cry, because she didn't know if she'd ever get to see them aga–
She couldn't handle those thoughts right now. Not now, when everything was still so… raw.
At least… at least Bakuda was dead, according to Lisa.
When she'd asked how, the blonde had only shook her head in response.
Ayame hadn't quite known what to think of the collection of knives attached to the vest that had been lying on the desk next to Taylor's jeans when she'd first woken up, but it had been clear it was somehow related to how they'd been found the night before.
So Aya hadn't questioned it, because no matter what, she was still Taylor. It was simply another thing, a new facet that they hadn't known before. She was still the girl who was stubborn and persistent to a fault, who never gave up. Still the one who laughed and cried with them, who gave them belonging, a home among new friends.
She gave them everything, and up until now, they hadn't truly been able to return that. But now… now they were no longer helpless. Now they could give back, prove themselves and show Taylor that she could rely on them as much as they did on her.
All because of her powers…
Her powers. She and her sister shared them. It sat there, in the back of her mind. Light and force and heat, variable and controllable. Energy easily drawn out, circling, charging further and further and further until it was released or destabilized.
When they'd run the hot water in the shower to the point where it should have been scalding with the way steam came off it, it hadn't felt any hotter than comfortably warm, just like how they hadn't been cold in that room like they had before.
She didn't know how to feel about that. Had she lost something that was considered normal? Or had she rather gained something that could only benefit her?
She wasn't sure.
It wasn't as clear-cut as the light, which was something that made her and Sayaka unequivocally better, something that they'd talked about in hushed whispers and hopeful voices when they were young, the chance to be part of the Sentai, and when they moved to America, the Protectorate.
They'd speculated on what powers they'd get. Sayaka had wanted to be a Tinker. Aya had wanted to be a Shaker or Blaster, and powerful.
She'd gotten her wish, but the cost…
Aya shuddered and shook her head. <Don't think about it>
She couldn't help but think of Saya, lying next to her wrapped in a towel when she'd woken up again. A towel that was tinted a faint rose, her sister's skin looking like it was sunburned.
She hated that.
But there wasn't anything she could do, because they'd already…
(the smell of burnt pork and charred meat, ash clinging to the air)
There was nothing they could do.
Perhaps that was part of why she wanted to help Taylor so much. Taylor was a distraction, but something known and safe. Someone that deserved it.
For now, Ayame simply moved moment to moment, took everything as it came and moved forward, not looking back.
There was nothing else she could really do.
Taylor Hebert
11:26 AM EST, Thursday, April 14, 2011
SHIIIING
SHIIIING
The sharp ringing echoed in Lisa's living room, creating a dissonant sound at odds with the voices coming from the television against the wall.
I knew it wasn't necessary, to do this. But the action was soothing. Stabilizing.
Taking a breath, I scraped my thumb over the edge of the blade I was working, testing the sharpness. Satisfied, I flipped the knife around and put it down on the table in front of me in line with all of the others.
To be honest, I didn't know how I should be acting. What I should be thinking. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, my emotions not helping at all.
Coil had to die.
I knew that.
I knew that, but it didn't make what I was doing any less conflicting.
With Lung, it had been in the heat of the moment. A fight to the death, kill or be killed. There was no time to think, no time to plan.
With Bakuda, it had been an act of passion. I had been angry, and frightened. Angry over what she had been doing, to the city, to innocent people, and especially to my friends, simply because she wanted to, and frightened that I would be too late, that I'd already failed.
Comparatively, Oni Lee had been a side-thought. His death had been a hair-trigger reaction. There was a serious immediate threat. I dealt with it appropriately.
But Coil… Coil hadn't done anything to me. Not yet at least, and that was the problem. I wasn't reacting to something now, I was striking first.
I didn't like it.
I dealt with Lung because I had to. I'd dealt with Bakuda because she'd hurt people I cared about, and nobody else was able to.
But with Coil, I was going to deal with him solely because of the threat he posed.
A very big threat, yeah, but this wasn't something decided in the heat of the moment, driven by emotions. This was cold, logical, planned annihilation.
And it felt totally different.
I didn't want to be involved in all this cape shit, and it felt like, by doing this, by taking the initiative instead of reacting, I was only getting myself more sucked into it.
I looked over at the rough map Lisa had laid out, points marked and circled, numbers written places, drawn from what she could last remember of Coil's main bunker.
"Alright, so the main entrance is actually inside a construction site. There's an access tunnel in there marked 'drainage' that goes down to the basement level. There's probably also a couple other entrances, but I haven't ever seen them."
I nodded.
"So your best bet is going to be going down the access hatch. Now, there's cameras, so he'll see you coming unless you can avoid them, but hopefully he won't expect you to be a problem. Until you are. You'll have to move fast. He's slippery, and his power makes it harder for us. I'll be trying to hack into his computer systems to try and stop him from getting away, but don't count on it. I'll at least stay in contact with you providing support so that you aren't entirely on your own.
"There's at least twenty mercenaries outfitted with tinkertech in the base, they'll be trouble if they have enough time to get ready for you. Getting in close to take care of them is probably your best option. It's the getting in close that'll be difficult." Lisa bit her lip. "Anyways. Don't hold back on these guys. Seriously. They're trained and know what they're doing."
"Mostly, it's a matter of moving in and down as fast as possible, in and out. Best case scenario you could pull this off in ten, fifteen minutes from what I saw with Bakuda. The best thing to do against Coil is have a plan for every possibility, and it's even better if your power interferes with his, though we shouldn't count on that either. We just have to back him into a corner where he can't get out." She looked at me pointedly. "Coil is a matter of out-thinking him and matching his every move. You can't do what you did with Bakuda."
I understood what Lisa was saying. That this needed planning. That I had gotten really, really fucking lucky with Bakuda. But just…
When did this become my responsibility?
Ugh.
I shook my head, trying to push the thoughts away.
There was no use to this, I was just going in circles and giving myself a headache.
It needed to be done, I was the one who could do it, and I wasn't willing to let things get any worse than they already were, so it had to be me.
…I should just leave the planning to Lisa.
Sighing, I picked up the heavy female-cut vest laying next to the towel my knives were all on.
"This," Lisa said, holding up a stiff black object with velcro at the sides, "is a ballistic vest. And you are going to wear it, so help me God."
"What?"
The blonde sighed. "After our discussion last night I called up the Number Man and got this for you. We aren't taking chances with this, Taylor. It's not worth it. So you're going to wear the fucking vest, even if it's heavy, because it means that there's that much of a higher chance of you getting through this without a bullet in your heart."
She looked slightly vulnerable, at that moment, and I realized that she hated that she was doing this, hated that she was making me deal with Coil, hated that she was dragging me into her problems, and she couldn't stand the thought that I might get hurt or killed because of it.
So I took the vest.
Examining it for a moment, I started undoing all the velcro straps it had, the sound drawing the attention of the two ink-haired girls sitting in an armchair facing the television that was really too small for both of them to fit on.
They'd woken up forty minutes ago and wandered into the living room, Sayaka halting momentarily and blinking at the sight of all the blades I had out, causing her sister to run into her back. After a few seconds, she and Aya simply continued on towards the chair like there was nothing out of the ordinary, and hadn't said a word since.
I wanted to talk, to reach out, to take away the pain I could practically feel from them, but I also knew that right now the best thing was to let them settle a bit, to have some sense of normality even if there really wasn't in this situation.
I'm sure they'd picked up that something was weird about all of this. Hell, I would have. It was pretty obvious Lisa was Tattletale, so they already knew she was a cape. And Saya had to have gotten a decent look at my knife harness last night. Both of them must have felt all of the extra knives I'd collected from Oni Lee when I'd hugged them.
But they still hadn't said anything.
Not about me, about Lisa, about their powers, about anything.
I didn't think it was fear. It seemed more like… they had too much to process, and were only dealing with one thing at a time right now.
Based on the small circle of light between Aya's hands, I'd say they were on their powers right now.
"How long?"
I looked up at Saya, halfway through undoing the vest. I didn't need to ask to know what she was talking about. "January."
"How?"
I sighed. I didn't like talking about it, but this was exactly the sort of time that I probably should, and besides, if I'd told Amy –who I didn't even really know–, I could at least tell the twins.
"I was locked in a locker for three days with rotting tampons. Got toxic shock syndrome. Almost died," I said, unfastening another velcro strap. "Woke up in the hospital. Woooo powers.
"…It's why I left Winslow."
I lifted the vest over my head, shifting it and rolling my shoulders a few times until it settled on my body before starting to fasten and adjust all the straps. Lisa had said it needed to be snug, as secure as possible without limiting my movement too much.
"What… are they?"
I grimaced. "I can see things. Well, feel them too, but you know how you can tell where the edge of an object is because of depth perception?"
They nodded.
"It's sorta like that. I can see the edges where something ends. Not physically, the end of its life, I mean. And I can use them to cut that thing or… or kill it," I told them, softly.
"T.L.D.R: Taylor's not just got depth perception, she's got death perception." Lisa said, walking into the room from the hall.
I didn't know whether to laugh or groan. "…That was terrible, Lisa."
Both of the twins nodded in agreement.
I was grateful for her sudden interruption, though, because it relieved some of the tension I felt about revealing the fact that I literally saw how to kill everything to two of my best friends.
"But, um, yeah." I rubbed my left arm awkwardly. "That's what I've got. I've never used it before this week, though. …Never planned on having to use it, either," I said sourly, reminded of why I had.
Fucking Lung.
"I can also feel people around me. It's like this… bubble, about thirty-six feet out from me that I can know where everyone is inside it." I went back to securing the vest, moving my way up the left side straps. "I can ignore the lines. The edges, I mean. But I can never not know where people are around me. It's like how you always know where your arm is."
"I figure things out," Lisa said. "Put together all the little clues, find out whodunnit, stuff like that."
I looked over at her in surprise at the fact she was just volunteering that.
"What? Figured we were sharing, might as well just say it. Besides, it's not like you wouldn't have told them if they asked."
Knowing the twins' curiosity, they probably would have too, sooner or later, and I got the sense that Lisa knew that, which is why she'd decided to preempt it.
Lisa looked back at the twins. "I'm what you call a pure Thinker, my power's all mental, and I get serious headaches if I overuse it. Taylor's pretty much a classic Striker, with a bunch of little extras to help her out. And you…" Lisa walked around the side of the couch and sat on the arm, a foot or so to my left. "You two are Blasters. It means you do things at range. Pew-pew lasers and all that. Like Legend. Or Purity, if we're looking closer to home."
The blonde bit her lip. "Twin triggers are really, really rare. Getting a synergistic power in a twin trigger? That's so rare I've never even heard of any capes like that before." She let out a heavy breath. "And it makes you a huge target. I'll be totally honest: there are a lot of people, a lot of organizations out there that would do a lot to get a pair like you. Staying unaffiliated would be a real struggle …normally."
Lisa looked over at me, where I had successfully figured out the vest and started attaching all my sheathes to it. "However, the ABB, which would be the biggest problem for you, …isn't anymore, thanks to our resident Blue-Eyed Devil."
"What!?" I'm pretty sure my voice was at least two or three octaves above normal.
The blonde smiled at me in a way I could only describe as a mix of self-satisfied, teasing, and mischievous, but also without any real meanness behind it. "That's what they're calling you. The ones I've talked to, at least. You should probably pick something better before you get stuck with that."
"No," I said sharply. "Just… no. I'm not dealing with that."
Lisa almost seemed disappointed. "Fine, I'll choose something, then. But you don't get to complain. Can't be any worse than Lung. I mean, really? I'm pretty sure nobody over here would get that reference without being told."
"Uh… what are you talking about?" Sayaka asked.
Lisa turned back to them. "Taylor over here beheaded the ABB last night."
"Not literally," I muttered.
I could almost hear her roll her eyes. "Yes, okay, not literally. Pretty close to, though."
I gave her a pointed look. "Lisa!"
She just grinned. "Fine, fine. However you want to say it, Taylor pretty much tore apart and destroyed the ABB for you two."
The twins' eyes widened at the same time, and it was almost comical how synchronized they were in turning to stare at me. "For us?" Ayame repeated.
"Yep, you should have seen how worried she was last night. She probably would have gone right through the E88 and the Merchants too, if she thought she'd had to."
There was a sense of gratitude and awe coming from the twins, mixed with an overwhelming reverence which was also tinged by another emotion I couldn't exactly identify in Sayaka.
Lisa was still grinning. "Anyways, they're not a problem anymore. The next largest threat also shouldn't be a problem as we're… going to deal with that today," she said, biting her lip. "The E88 won't want you for obvious reasons, and the Merchants might try to forcibly induct you, but I highly doubt it considering the sort of firepower you've got.
"So basically, you're pretty free, as long as nobody really finds out about you and you stay low."
The twins nodded as I finished strapping the last knife onto me. There was a small Bluetooth earbud and a cheap phone lying next to each other on the table, and the earbud went in my right ear while the phone went in a small pouch on the lower back right of the ballistic vest.
The blonde looked over at me as I shrugged on my red jacket. Once I had, she reached down to her left, and I heard the crinkling of a plastic bag as she pulled something small out and tossed it to me.
I caught it by reflex, looking at her in confusion before turning my attention to the thing in my hands. It was hard black plastic, curved, with a sharp line down the middle and fabric behind the plastic. A pair of straps came off either side and ended in a pair of buckles. It reminded me of something I'd seen on a few motorcyclists on the–
"Lisa," I said lowly. She shifted in place a little. "What is this?"
"Protection," she said. "We can't take any chances with Coil, Taylor."
"It's a mask," I stated, though it would only cover the bottom half of my face and chin.
"Well… yes," she admitted.
"I don't need a mask. I'm not a cape," I told her. "I'm just a–"
"–girl with powers named Taylor, yes, I know," she said, cutting me off. "But that's not how others are going to see it. You don't wear a costume, so for all intents and purposes, you're just somebody using powers in their civilian identity."
"Because I'm not a cape," I repeated, stronger. "I don't want to be involved like that."
Capes… being a cape was more than just having powers. It meant having a separate identity, a role, a place that people would suddenly put you in within their minds. It meant getting involved in heroes vs. villains. In becoming part of the average statistical five-to-ten years of lifetime-expectancy for capes before they died. I didn't want any of that. I'd had enough being "special" at Winslow. I just wanted to be normal. To have a normal life. To have friends and go to school and worry about what colleges we'd go to and what we'd do after.
Not… worry about whether I was going to have to fight someone the next day. Or if my dad and everyone else would find out. Or what everybody and their mother would say about me, because if there's one way to instant attention, being a cape was it.
Some small part of me wanted that attention, but just I wasn't willing to pay the cost of it.
People would think of me as something more than Taylor, when I really wasn't. I was just Taylor, powers or not.
"Look, without something to distinguish between when you act with powers or not, people will treat your normal identity as your cape one, and it'll be open season on you. Fuck, Taylor, even New Wave does it; they have costumes!"
My mind went to Amy. How she'd looked in her Panacea outfit in the hospital. How she'd been the same person that I'd gotten tea with the next day. She didn't have the separation you'd expect between a hero in-costume and out. I heard even Victoria, her sister, acted a bit differently as Glory Girl than she did out of the dress and tiara.
But Amy was just Amy. Being called Panacea didn't help her at all. Having the costume didn't either. They created this divide between the girl and the healer when there was really no difference.
Because to people, what would "Panacea" be without her powers? It was an easy answer: she'd be nobody important to them, just another person. But Amy without powers would still be Amy. She would still be well-defined, with hopes and dreams and fears and desires that other people knew.
I didn't want to be depersonalized like that.
I opened my mouth, but she cut me off. "No, let me finish. Even if everybody knows who you really are under that, even if there's really no difference between you normally and you acting with powers, it'll still be enough for the unwritten rules to protect you and the people you care about," she said, looking intently at me
I shut my mouth and closed my eyes tightly. I hated how much sense Lisa could make, how she knew exactly what buttons to push.
Because I knew, deep down, she was right. I wasn't willing to risk my friends and family like that. Not when I'd had the reality of just how bad things could get shoved in my face last night.
"Fine. Fine," I said bitterly, hating that I was compromising my sense of self like this.
Just one more step deeper into the pit, and there was nothing I could do about it.
She nodded, appearing contrite, but also emanating a feeling of mild satisfaction.
"It's… almost noon, so we should probably get started on this. Um… would you two be okay with going outside for a little while?" she asked, directing the last part to Saya and Aya.
Sayaka nodded first, her sister following a few seconds after.
Lisa sighed, and I could tell her satisfaction was gone, replaced by sympathy, concern, and a little bit of self-loathing. "I'm sorry, I'd honestly rather stay here, but it's just not a good idea. I don't know how long this is going to take, but as soon as it's over we can come back and I can continue looking for your parents."
They just nodded again, a bit stiffly.
"Ready Taylor?" she asked, looking at me.
I double-checked, making sure everything was secure, simply holding onto the small mask for now. "Yeah."
She blew out a puff of air. "Alright. Let's do this."
A/N: It's Coil's fault. Everything can be blamed on him. Mixed-up coffee order? Coil's fault. Scratched car door? Coil's fault. Stolen umbrella? Coil's fault.
You know it's true.
It was really fucking hard trying to capture Aya's headspace. She and her sister are so different at coping, getting the nuances right is a real challenge.
Next up: Rend 3.3, because fuck waiting until after Indivisible 3.0.2 for the next bit. …Not to mention it would totally mess up the dramatic build and pacing I've got going.
You guys know what's going to be next chapter.
