Chapter 114 - Diagnostics
There are no obvious advantages to telling your children about your condition. The atmosphere is grim already, and knowing that your time in this world is limited will only worsen things. It weakens the image of you they have built, as an invincible protector who they will always be able to rely on. The idea that you will have to leave some day, especially in such a permanent manner, will almost certainly trigger personal trauma for both Mami and Yuma to some degree. It may also bring up bad memories for Kyoko, though you doubt she's come to consider you family in the few days you've known one another. Furthermore, there is nothing they can do about it. While Magical Girls are capable of healing magic, and Mami is in contention for the most skilled Magical Girl of her generation if not the outright best, that magic pales compared to Angela's resources. If she couldn't determine a way to heal you even with her abilities, the chances of one of your children finding something are infinitesimal. All that this will accomplish is giving them another thing to worry about.
However…
"There is another thing I should mention."
All eyes are on you, the weight that fills your words leaving no room for anything else in that moment. The previously pleasant warmth radiating through the room grows cloying.
"As I've already explained to you, I lost my human body back before I met any of you. Since then, I've been living as an Abnormality, sealed off in this body here. I had hoped to just keep things up the way they are now, but…"
Relationships aren't something that can be approached in a strict cost-benefit manner. At least, not without taking into account all the things that give a proper relationship meaning. Family should trust one another, and your kids deserve to know what's going to happen to you. Better you tell them now than they find out at a worse time.
"I've recently discovered that my current state is unstable. I'll be getting weaker as time goes on, so you'll need to be able to rely on yourselves more by then."
It hurts to watch Mami grip her utensils tightly enough to warp the metal, unable to meet your eyes. To see Yuma state up at her older sister, desperate for guidance or direction. Even if you've softened the message, they know what this means. You don't have to say what the conclusion will be for them to recognize it.
"You shouldn't worry too much. Angela and I will be working to find a solution, and there's still several years before this becomes a serious issue. Until then, though, don't be too surprised if I need to rely on you sometimes."
This is a loss for you. But it's a loss you have to take. Maintaining an illusion of strength isn't even in contention compared to trusting your family. It hurts, but this is a necessary step forward.
Mami is the first one to answer you. She slowly sits up from the table, still staring at the floor. "I'll go get ready for school. I wouldn't want to be late." In spite of her calm words, you can see her body shaking. Slowly, Mami turns from the table and walks away. Kyoko starts to reach for her, then stops and lets her arm drop to her side.
As the door closes behind your eldest daughter, Yuma looks back to you. "Is Mami gonna be okay?"
"She'll be fine." you assure the small girl. "Your sister's tough; she just needs some time to process this. It's just that this is bringing up some painful memories for her."
The three of you sit in silence together for some time, listening to the sounds of Mami gathering her things in the other room. The last remains of breakfast lay uneaten on the table. You'll probably have to toss it, since it'll be cold by later and food is never as good when it's reheated.
"On a related note," you say, hoping to move the topic to something less gloomy, "Kyoko, do you have any thoughts about learning for today? I know you weren't fond of the idea before, but it's not too late to start preparing for proper school."
Kyoko opens her mouth, presumably to refuse again, then stops. She glances over at the door to Mami's room, where her sister is still packing her things.
"I'll give it a shot."
"Good to hear." you say calmly, sitting up to begin cleaning up the leftovers from breakfast. Most of what's here will be alright if refrigerated, so you won't have to throw very much out. "Yuma, could you help me with the dishes?"
Quietly, slowly, the meal comes to an end.
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When Mami returns from her room, dressed in her school uniform, she's smiling again. There's an undercurrent of worry in her expression that isn't usually present, though. It'll take some time for her to fully accept what's going to happen. Perhaps it really would've been better for you to say nothing. Not that there's any point in wondering now.
"You all ready?" you ask, though you already know the answer.
"Of course. I have everything with me." Mami responds confidently. "Yuma, are you ready to go to school as well?"
"Yuma's all ready!" the kid says a little bit more cheerfully than normal, before running over to her older sister and throwing her arms around her. Mami returns the hug without hesitation, then releases her sibling and walks over to you. You kneel down and embrace your daughter.
"It's gonna be alright. Don't worry about me too much." you say quietly, patting Mami on the back. For a brief moment, her embrace tightens, as if holding on to you will somehow keep things as they are.
Then the moment passes, and Mami lets go. She walks past you to Kyoko and pulls her in, the air momentarily filling with an intense her pleasant heat, like a warm fire after a long, cold day. Kyoko seems surprised at first, but then that surprise passes and she returns the hug with an even greater enthusiasm. The two stand there, taking solace in the fact that they are there.
You and Yuma smile at one another from your end of the room. It's nice to have a family.
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After saying your final goodbyes to Mami and dropping Yuma off at her school, you started on Kyoko's catch-up. It's definitely an uphill battle, considering how much learning you're having to compress, but you and Kyoko are managing. She might not have a lot of the expected background knowledge for what's being taught, especially around math and science, but she learns fast and you're a genius. After a few hours of work, interrupted by evenly spaced breaks to avoid fatigue, you leave her with some packets you copied off of the internet and tell her to do as much as she can before you get back from your research.
Chaining a few teleports to random locations to throw off tracking, you eventually arrive at an uninhabited island near the edge of your range limit. It's just barely familiar enough for you to reach, but that's fine. You don't plan on using the same spot more than once anyways.
Conjuring Lamp and turning its gaze to focus on yourself, you mentally note just how useful the watcher's EGO actually is. Setting aside its use in combat, where it might lack in sheer strength but comes with incredible utility, the sheer range of information it provides is incredible. As long as you know what to look for, nothing can be hidden from the burning glare caged within. Not even the state of your heart.
Not that it's entirely necessary. Throwing off your coat and shirt to a summoned soldier, the deep, indelible cracks covering your torso are plain as day. As you stretch, you can see a thick green fluid roiling just beneath your skin. From the thick, chemical scent, you can recognize the stasis preservation fluid. It's a unique compound, meant for keeping Carmen's brain alive even separated from her body and put under the strain of extracting Cogito for millennia, containing a mixture of Enkephalin and various other rare chemicals. For now, the fluid is staying firmly within your body, though you remember it spilling out on two occasions.
At least you have something to look out for.
You cycle through your roster of EGO gear, dutifully noting the lack of change with each summoning. You had expected at least some strain when you got to the Aleph-class weapons, but nothing makes itself apparent. That's reassuring, in the very least. You can continue to use the strongest weapons in your arsenal without limits. As much as you just extolled Lamp's virtues, your love for discovery might be tainting your opinion a bit. Your other weapons are quite versatile as well. A single one would probably have been enough to carry you against most threats, given the sheer variety of applications you could reach if you aimed for it.
With the knowledge that just using a weapon won't make you keel over, you move on to something a bit more intensive. Taking the outline of Mimicry you reach inward and drag out a deep, hungry feeling. The gnawing essence pours into the framework, accepted effortlessly by the base you chose. All at once, your modified Mimicry appears in your grasp.
You wait for the jolt of pain, but it never comes. Interesting. Reinterpretation of EGO gear is a power explicitly tied to your Abnormality self. You had expected some resistance, or some consequences, for using it. And yet, there's nothing. Perhaps because it's not enough of an exertion to be notable? Or maybe it's more of a psychological issue. Angela said this was all caused by you rejecting your transformation into an Abnormality. In that case, the powers that would worsen your condition would be the ones you most relate to your Abnormality form.
Experimentally, you reach for Lobotomy. The results are immediate. A sharp pain shoots through you, though you were expecting it this time. You grit yourself teeth and lean against a second conjured soldier for support, waiting patiently for the feeling to pass. A few seconds later, you dismiss your temporary support. That wasn't nearly as bad as last night, though you were intentionally pushing as little as possible. Actually using Lobotomy now isn't impossible, but there will be consequences and doing so in combat at all is out.
Back to testing. You've used your modified version of Mimicry before, but what about EGO you've only ever transformed completely while you were fully unshackled?
The Knight's rapier, the first EGO you ever wielder, appears in your hand as a dutiful companion. You peer into its shape and offer a fragment of something long forgotten. The blade welcomes the foreign power, and suddenly you are holding something less like a sword and more like a spear. The transformed weapon is a series of bright crimson arms, wrapped around one another to form a single tool. There are other forms, you know this, but the one will suffice for your purposes now. You feel no pain in the alteration of EGO you've never changed as a human before. Aside from the more fundamental Abnormality-based powers, it appears the abilities of yours that rely on reproducing external powers remain unaffected.
That's good to know. You're already facing down some overwhelming opposition in the near future, and you can't afford to be getting weaker while they grow stronger every day.
Soon, you'll need to make the first move. Not today, but soon.
Until then, all you can do is try to prepare.
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Today's Lessons… (You) and (Sayaka)
[] (You) Combat Prowess
[] (You) Foreign EGO
[] (You) One's Own EGO
[] (Sayaka) Combat Prowess
[] (Sayaka) Life Lessons
[] (Sayaka) Manifesting EGO
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Der Freischütz's Sapling - Observation Level 2/3
Porccubus' Sapling - Observation Level 2/3
CENSORED's Sapling - Observation Level EXPUNGED/REDACTED
I've been enjoying the discussion about X's fate and how to potentially change it, so I'll let some information free. There are two main possible endings planned for this story, a "Good" ending and a "Bad" ending, both with their own little variations depending on how they're reached. It won't be a matter of one "Make the right choice or die" vote, but instead the ending will be a path slowly chosen through every decision leading up to the end.
So far, you've done pretty well! Keep it up!
