SEEKING FUCK YEAH III: ROSE-VENGE OF THE THORN
"Tell me who stole your heart, so I may take their head," Piero grates. "I will flense them alive! I will tear the marrow from their bones while they still live! They shall know only pain until I permit them to die for the affront!"
If one were to look at his image on the screen, one would conclude that he is currently in the state of mind most men only occupy briefly, before they flip out and bludgeon their partner to death with a golf trophy. That would be wrong. Piero sneers at such petty rages. And he is quite angry today, even by his standards.
Rose lies back in the hospital bed and smiles at him. She's aching somewhat, because the surgery required that she have her regeneration inhibited and it always hurts a bit when it's deactivated. It's a reminder to her that she's vulnerable now in a way she normally isn't. But least she has Piero and Maria to talk to. It's so sweet that he cares to make these kind of threats!
And he's not making them about Donald, thank goodness! No, he only wants to agonisingly kill the person who literally removed her secondary heart. Admittedly because he doesn't know about Donald and… and however she's feeling about him, but that's not something she has to worry about!
"I don't know who it was," she says sadly. "Heavily enhanced. Possibly some kind of shapeshifter, but if so… I don't know. Donald is investigating if it was some kind of Nephandic shapeshifter." She smiles again. "He's nice like that," she adds.
"Donald?" Maria asks, concern in her almost painfully beautiful voice. Maria, who has the genes of Helen of Troy, is to honey traps and seduction as Piero is to 'murdering everyone in a building and demolishing the building'. For reasons of public safety, she is, much like her brother, kept in VR simulations when not deployed. In her case, it is to avoid unnecessary collateral damage from riots, coups in African nations and double homicides between lifelong friends – all of which happened the one time she went AWOL.
"Oh, haven't I talked to you about him?" Rose says happily. "Executive Financier Sykes. He's the head of the Administrative section of my amalgam! But he's really nice for a Syndic! After Hong Kong, he got us all treats! He took me to Disney World! And then I was his bodyguard in LA and I got to have lots of nice dinners and I got to be in a film and I read up on hypereconomics and I learned how to diagnose primal utility and… and I feel bad for enjoying myself so much when Serafina was in so much trouble in Moscow, but I did enjoy myself!"
Piero was clearly still seething about the idea that someone had hurt his – well, she could probably call herself his little sister for certain now, considering everything! – but there was a strange expression on Maria's face. Rose felt a sudden sinking feeling in her stomach
not caused by the inhibited regeneration as she realised what the expression was.
"Rose!" Maria says, hand going to her mouth. "Do you have…" her voice drops, "… feelings for him?"
Rose blushes. "Um," she manages intelligently. "I don't… know. I mean. Um. I like him and he's nice and he hasn't tried to hurt me at all and… and I got all angry when I saw him with… with another woman and I don't understand it and I haven't felt like this before and… and I don't know." She takes a deep breath. She can't blurt out any of the actual truth about what had happened in London. Even though she still felt the seething, burning feeling in her stomach at the sight of that… that stupid, pretty thing snuggling up to Donald in the back! She swallows. Since they've found out… "Can you help?" Rose asks. "Um, that is, explain some things."
"Oh dear," Maria says sadly. "In my experience, this only ends in tears. Everyone I've had real feelings for has wound up dead inside of twenty four hours." She frowns. "I need to stop falling for my targets," she adds brightly, but Rose can hear the brittle note under her voice.
"I've spent much longer than twenty four hours around him and he's still alive," Rose points out.
"That's a start! That's certainly a start!" Maria says hopefully. She runs her hands through her dark hair. "Oh, Rose. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at this kind of advice. And so, so sorry I can't be of more use! I'm not a very good big sister. And… and somewhat jealous that you managed to pick up the basics of primal utility in less than a month. Someday you'll have to show me how you manage to learn things so quickly!"
"Tell him I will watch him," Piero says flatly. "I am no more sympathetic to metaphorical heart-breaking than literal ones."
Rose groans. "Not you too!" she says. "You're as bad as Serafina! She…"
"Ahem," Serafina says, poking her head in the door, as if the mention of her name had summoned her. "Who's as bad as me?"
Rose blushes. "Piero," she says reluctantly.
Serafina looks momentarily nonplussed. "That's… uh. A thing," she says. "I… I don't think I've ever been compared to him before."
"I do not believe I have been compared to Dr Rosario either," Piero says through clenched teeth, to giggles from Maria.
"Well, Rose," Serafina says, "when you're done, I'd like to see you in room 23B. More checks, I'm afraid."
Rose swallows. "I understand," she says, throat suddenly feeling dry. She finishes off the rest of the conversation as best as she can, trying not to look too worried. Piero doesn't notice it, but she's worried that Maria might have seen something.
She wishes Alexander was here, but he's still in a medically-induced coma from the damage he took in Moscow. She misses him.
Rose feels like a condemned woman as she drifts through the hallways in her hospital gown. That's wrong, of course. She volunteered for this, told Serafina that she'd need to do it, but now she was regretting it. She didn't want to forget. She didn't want to have her memories altered.
The papers Director Belltower recovered were… informative. Yes. Very much so.
"With the death of Lady Reina Lior, the senior members of the Invisible College withdrew from the world. To critical eyes the fear of mortality caused by the loss of a long-standing member overcame them, but the College – now calling themselves Control from behind their veils of obfuscation – argued that the demoralisation of the recently formed Union caused by the death of one of their lantern-bearers threatened the fledgling institution. There are certainly those who pin the disillusionment of the Electrodyne Engineers on the death of the so-called Mother of Mechanised Armour, and that her absence caused them to question the commitment of the Technocratic Union to the principles of the Order of Reason. Certainly, the resultant perceived isolation of Control and the disruption of this reformation was not useful, but it could not be helped.
"Men and women were mere flesh and blood, vulnerable, mortal. The Invisible College had to become Control. It had to become an idea, for ideas are not vulnerable to the knives and bullets of querulous fortune."
That must have been why they covered up who she had been enough that the Director had only been able to find paintings and no concrete date of her death. Control hadn't wanted to be thought of as mortal. Rose could certainly believe that they would have tried to ever have it forgotten that Reina Lior had died like any other mortal woman, a seven hundred year old who made a mistake and was cut down by Traditionalist assassins aiming for one of the Invisible College who had left herself open.
She had been a stubborn, mulish woman, who refused to compromise and refused to retreat to the safety of the secret fortresses of the Order of Reason and then the Technocracy. Her name was still honoured by modern day proponents of the Pogrom – especially those who wanted to refocus it on non-humans. She had been one of the foremost proponents pushing for the eradication of all haemophages, shapeshifters, and other such creatures of the night.
Reina Lior had hated vampires just as much as Rose did.
And that explained other things. Like why Rose herself was so very durable, tougher even than dedicated combat constructs like Alexander. The Progenitors had wanted the new Reina Lior to be less vulnerable than the original, and able to be revived even if small bits of her could be recovered. They had built her body with the expectation that it would be pushed to the limits of what it was capable of. Why else would they have made her so she was biologically immortal and – ha – able to survive little things like getting her heart torn out?
She knocks at the door.
"Come in," Serafina calls out.
It's just another one of the small lab rooms in this Progenitor facility which Serafina is using for the 'vital maintenance work repairing battle damage' which is to say, making sure Rose doesn't have to run on her haemophage heart. That thought reminds her of how nice it is to have a human-normal core temperature again. When she's running off the haemophage heart, it makes her feel angry and combatant, because it normally only happens when she's mainlining infused blood from it and that only happens in the middle of combat. And stressed. Yes, she certainly feels stressed. The states are irrevocably linked.
Regardless, it could be a Progenitor medical bay anywhere in the world. The walls are white and spotless, there's racks of computers in sealed cases up against the wall, and a white plastic machine fills most of the space. A member of the Masses might think that it's a compact version of an MRI scanner, but that's just ignorance speaking.
"Dr Rosario," Rose says formally.
Serafina rises from the desk, smiling with a hint of sadness in her expression. "Oh Rose," she says, "you only Dr Rosario me on missions, or when you're feeling worried or stressed." She wraps Rose in her arms. "Oh, yes, you're certainly feeling much better," she says, after a while of the hug. "You're warm again, and your pulse is the human one."
"I feel better," Rose admits. "It's not fun being all cold."
"I can bet," Serafina agrees. "Let me just see if the…" she tugs down Roses' neckline. "Hmm. The scar isn't gone yet."
Rose tries to look down at her own chest, and struggles. "Oh, yes," she says. "My regeneration is back online, too. It was very traumatic damage, though."
"Well, I'll schedule some time in for me to fix that," Serafina says firmly. "You shouldn't be scarring. There was what looked like an anti-regen serum in your wounds. It should have been all cleared out." She purses her lips, and pulls Rose to the seat. "That was a… an experience I never want to have to go through again," she says. "I was so worried about you! And… and with everything on top and having to keep track of everything and the things which you found out… I really wish I'd put my foot down and got Donald to take Henriette instead."
"If I hadn't been there, things would have gone worse. Henriette would have died. I don't want that," Rose says simply.
"Well, I don't think Mister Sykes would have been quite so… casual about provoking something like that if you hadn't been there," Serafina retorts, and then sighs. "Perhaps I'm being too harsh there," she concedes, massaging her temples.
"You look worried," Rose observes, breaking off the hug to cup Serafina's chin in her hands and examine her closely. "You haven't been sleeping. That's bad for you."
"I haven't," Serafina admits, pursing her lips. "Through choice, that is, but it's just… everything. An old friend called me up last night and talking with her a bit helped, but it's still just… everything." She sighs. "The Tribunal has been worrying me, and now this on top of everything? It's just… all the ways it could have gone wrong. If you didn't have a backup heart… and let's not even get started on what Jamelia did. I just… it's a mess."
She shrugs. "Well, that's for me to worry about. At least you get to avoid some of this stress," Serafina says, the humour somewhat forced. "All right. I'll just bring up the standard EM isolation so nothing can interfere with the tests, and do a few other things Director Belltower told me to, and then we can get started."
Rose can hear the noise of the jamming technology coming online, even if Serafina can't. It's a whine in the ultrasonic which makes her teeth stand on edge. She fiddles with her hospital gown, smoothing down the cloth of her lap.
"How are you feeling?" Serafina asks suddenly, and continues without pausing. "Well, I suppose it isn't quite the same for you as it is for me. You were born post-1999. It… it was bad enough thinking that the Computer had gone evil and… and all of that. But… but there were people I knew. People I'd been at school with who'd got off-world placements. I could have had them if I'd wanted them. They were doing cutting edge things out there, and I was really interested. But… well, I spent a bit of time out there, and I just couldn't stand it.
Serafina clenches her hands on her lap. "The science being done out there was everything I was meant to love and I… I did like that. But nothing else. It was out in space and everything was rules and regulations and 'things you had to do to make sure you didn't compromise station integrity'. So I took a less prestigious offer – disappointing my parents in the process – and stayed on Earth. Back in '99 I felt guilty about feeling relieved that I didn't get lost out there. And now? Now I find out that the Administration went and hooked everyone up into a hivemind and… and now they're dead and the hivemind is this rampant
thing that genuinely thinks it's helping people by… by assimilating them and making them just a little cog in the machinery.
"And I was almost out there. If I hadn't been so difficult, so troublesome, so disobedient, I wouldn't have gone and taken that Damage Control placement with MSS. I thought I'd got over the 'wow, I nearly died' years ago, but this… it's worse."
Rose blinks. She doesn't know what to say. Serafina doesn't normally talk like this.
Serafina's hand goes to her mouth. "Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry for bringing it up like that," she blurts out. "I didn't mean to feel unsympathetic about… about the fact that you were in a similar position and…"
"EXEMPLAR III," Rose says gently. "Yes. I thought about it and realised that… that Reina Lior was dead, and if you look at the ones who didn't go crazy, I suspect that they'd also have gene donors who died before 1999. And it was just luck that I wasn't kept in the same facility… just like it was luck that you didn't go out there." She smiles down at Serafina, despite the churning – which isn't literal churning – in her stomach. "But you didn't take that offworld placement, and because of that I got made and I didn't go crazy. And if you had done it, I wouldn't exist because you were involved in my creation. Maybe someone genetically the same as me would, or maybe they'd have had different enhancements and they would have properly been who they were meant to be.
She reaches out and squeezes Serafina's hand. "None of that happened, though."
"Oh, Rose," Serafina says, shaking her head. "I should be the one reassuring you here. I'm sorry, I'm just on edge. But yes. Do you want to sit over there, and I can start prepping you for the NMIH. You'll need to shed your hair first… oh, why am I telling you this? You know this just as well as I do. Try not to make a mess, though."
The process is all too familiar for Rose. It was in a room not to dissimilar to this that she first gained consciousness. She's seen this kind of room and this kind of machine time and time again. Often with people talking about her as if she's not a person. Sometimes Serafina trying to deal with Thorn, and always failing. Regardless, she instructs her biology to shed her hair. She'll just grow it again once this is over.
"Hold still," Serafina mutters, as she paints Rose's scalp with conductive gel.
"It tickles."
"Yes, yes, I know that." Serafina places the skull-cap on Rose's head, locks it securely, and there is a faint whine as the self-sharpening diamond-tipped hair-thin needle drills start work on getting through Rose's skull. It takes them quite a while, but eventually the display on the console has them all marked in green. "Okay, hmm, now go get started while I begin the diagnostics of your systems." Serafina shakes her head. "You really haven't had much luck since you joined this amalgam when it comes to injuries, have you? First Hong Kong, now this."
Rose obediently lies down. It isn't very fair, she wants to say. She didn't get shot at once in Los Angeles. Especially not at Disney World.
"Will I be able to remember what I found out about me?" Rose asks nervously. "Me and… me and Reina and why they chose to put her in EXEMPLAR III?"
Serafina shakes her head. "It raises too many questions about how you found out, I'm afraid," she tells Rose. "We'll just have to cover that bit up until the Tribunal has passed. You shouldn't be involved too heavily because you were away from Moscow, but we can't risk anyone out to get us pumping you for information to use to discredit us."
"I know. It's just…" Rose works her hands.
Serafina pats her on the shoulder. "I do understand," she tells her. "Trust me; I do
know how important it feels to find out something about yourself which you've never known before. I'll put it all back once it's safe."
"You will?" Rose asks in a tiny voice.
"I promise," Serafina says reassuringly.
"
Liar." Thorn's voice comes echoing out of the glass screen on part of the machinery. "
You don't really think she won't tinker a little bit?"
She won't, Rose thinks hard.
"You don't even believe that yourself, do you?" Thorn sneers.
"You know," Serafina says, all at once, completely unaware of the argument going , "after this, I… I could probably pull some strings to get you a nice safe role in… in MSF or… or something else, anything else which would be safe and you wouldn't need to hurt people and… and you'd be away from all of this. All of everything. Safe." She pauses. "You won't need to remember this. And if something happens to… to us, it wouldn't take you down too. I'm in too deep now, but you… you still have a chance."
Rose locks eyes with her mother-figure. "I know you're trying to protect me," she says earnestly, "but I've been happier here than anywhere else. I have you here, and Director Belltower is the nicest boss I've ever had, and everyone else is… is nice." She swallows. "I can't go back to how things used to be," she says faintly. "I don't know what I'd do if I ended up in another amalgam like… like some of the earlier ones. And! And and and! If I'm not here, who'll keep you safe?" Rose pouts. "You're being selfish, wanting me to be safe when you're in danger!"
"I'm pretty sure that's not how selfishness works," Serafina observes, and sighs. "Are you sure I can't change your mind about that?"
"
Of course she can," Thorn sniggers. "
You're the one letting her stick needles into your brain. She can do pretty much whatever she likes to you, her little guilty failed experiment. I wonder, if you poked around in the censored records of EXEMPLAR, what would you find? I wonder what role she played in your failed development?"
Machinery whirs and computers buzz. Rose lies back, and lets it happen, knowing that even her memories of having the memories removed will be gone by the end of it. Nothing she does here will matter. Will be permitted to matter. And although Serafina says that she'll have the memories back once the Tribunal is over, Rose knows that it won't matter to future-her if she doesn't.
She hates Thorn. She hates her so much. She says all these mean things and she's always so hard to argue against. Like what she says about Serafina. Rose knows she owes her. She loves her. She keeps Rose safe.
Except… does she? That's the nagging little question Thorn asks, again and again. Why does Serafina spend so much effort and so many political favours trying to help one failed construct? What's she getting from it? Rose thinks – hopes, hopes beyond belief – that Serafina just loves her for who she is. She almost always believes that.
But sometimes she wonders why, because – as Thorn constantly reminds her – she's a failure. She's good for killing and good for seducing and there are all those people out there in the Union who see that as all she's worth. Of course, Serafina doesn't see her for that, and neither does Director Belltower. No matter what Thorn says. Serafina is her mother and loves her, and Director Bellower doesn't seem to care whether you were grown in a lab or recruited off the streets or born into the Union, as long as she can find a use for you – and she's a lot nicer than she pretends to be.
And then the world twists, and she knows it's beginning.
Cold. Yes. It's a cool feeling in her head. No, not in her head, inside her mind. It feels like mint tastes, and it's slightly numbing as well. Rose relaxes, because there's nothing she can do. It's already happening.
Except as far as she's aware, it doesn't normally leave her lying down on the tarmac under a van, getting wet. Rose blinks. No, she doesn't remember a thing usually. Wincing, she pulls herself out from under the van and into the torrential-yet-unmoving rain. Sodium lights wash all red from the scene, leaving the world lacking in colour.
And there's the car they'd had in London, frozen in place. Presumably it had been driving off, but time didn't seem to be passing. Rose looks around, and sees a figure with an umbrella standing on the street, looking in her direction. They're moving, they're
there for real, unlike the rest of… of this place.
"Hello, Rose," Thorn says, a malicious grin on her face. Fangs flashing, she leans against the lamppost, holding a black umbrella. "Fancy seeing you here."
Rose snarls, momentarily baring her teeth before she gets a grip of herself. "Here?" she grates.
"Here," Thorn says, tapping her head. She takes a step forwards, and where she steps plants blossom. "Your memories. Imagine that. You can experience being as pathetic and servile as you were in London, all over again. You get your kicks off that way, don't you?" She spreads her arms wide. "Well, have fun before you let your dear mama gut your sense of self. Insofar as you can have fun in a place this boring. Why don't we take this somewhere more interesting?"
"I shouldn't be 'here' at all," Rose says. She won't rise to the bait. "I'm pretty good at biology, and I happen to know that you don't go into a dream representation of the memories when they're being wiped. That only happens in things written by hack writers." She pauses. "Also, it's never happened before," she adds, in supporting evidence.
Thorn stares at her. "You always say that," she remarks.
Rose pouts. "You're trying to scare me," she says.
"Maybe. Or maybe every time you go through one of these treatments, we have a conversation and they wipe it when they're done with the main wipe. And every time you go running away or crying because you're too
weak, too
pathetic to face up to what you are." Thorn steps away from the lamppost, which loses all colour, becoming an untextured blank object. "You don't even try to protest it recently. Maybe it's sinking in."
Behind her, the lamppost starts dissolving, melting and warping.
"Welcome to your mind," Thorn says, her smirk growing wider. "Welcome to this playground of whoever wants to use and abuse you. Watch as your darling Serafina tears apart your sense of self and puts someone else together who's almost you. Almost, but not quite."
"You're just saying this to hurt me," Rose says quietly, one hand slowly drifting down to her thigh holster. "I can't be allowed to remember this. I'm compromised. They can make me talk. I don't want to get people in trouble through knowing too much."
"How adorable," Thorn says, sneering. She runs her hand along the side of a car, which is suddenly overgrown with moss. "Who needs to beat a slave when you can train her to beat herself. And…"
Rose doesn't shriek as she throws herself at Thorn. She doesn't scream. She doesn't make a noise. She's wanted to do this for a long, long time, and this time she won't get in trouble for breaking a mirror, trying to hurt Thorn. She was made to be a killer and she knows how to kill.
The knives sink in. Of course they do. It's her mind. She has her knives if she wants them. And then she's stabbing and stabbing and it feels good. She stabs and stabs as around her the memory-world melts away, leaving great rifts and tears in the dreamstuff.
Only that isn't right, is it? She was made to be Reina Lior. They made her into a killer after they realised she was defective. It was a patch job. That's why she's a killing machine who doesn't like violence.
Except for against Thorn. She's enjoying this a lot.
"You do know thinking about hurting me doesn't actually hurt me?" Thorn observes, white-teeth smiling from a split open ruined face. Rose stabs her again, and her blood flies away, blooming into flowers wherever it splashes. Two mangled hands grabs Rose by the wrists and, wounds already closing, push her away. Thorn is stronger than her. "How very Technocratic. Kill anything which disagrees with your worldview. Don't even try to contemplate anything else. Don't try to open your horizons. No, just violence."
"I hate you," Rose growls, trying to force the knives back on target.
Thorn yawns. "You've said that so many times," she says, dissolving into shadow before reappearing by the hole in the world. One of the many holes. This dreamplace is falling apart as… as Serafina erases it.
"Because it's true." Rose sniffs, lying there on the ground. She can't even make the voice in her head shut up, even when she's in her own head. What good is she? What good is anything?
The lamppost dissolves into nothingness, and Rose notices that the cars parked on the side of the road are starting to look like half-melted sweets, all rounded edges and sloping sides.
"I think I preferred it when you were trying to stab me," Thorn says, smirking. "At least then you were trying something. Aww, is ickle Rosie going to stop and cry? What's the matter, Rosie?"
"I hate you. I hate you I hate you," Rose whimpers.
Thorn laughs, and the gardens by the side of the road seem to laugh with her. "You're pathetic," she says, wiping away her tears of laugher. Rose is crying, and that just seems to make her laugh harder. "Really. What good are you for anything? Well, I'm sure you'll be a nice mistress for Donald. You're pretty, at least for now, you'll do
anything he says, and you've even fooled yourself into thinking that you love him. You really are good at self-delusion, aren't you? Mistaking what they did to your brain so you're nice and obedient and the modified hormones they have you pumping into yourself for love."
The words strike like a blow. This isn't just a simile. Rose feels it like a punch. "What do you kn-kn-know about that?" she retorts, trying to keep the shake from her voice. She'd rather be angry than crying.
"Vastly more than you. You're just a weak little child in a freak's body. And you think you know about love? Hardly. You think you love him, just because he acted nice to you, and took you to Disneyland. That's the kind of treat you might give a small child. How pathetic can you get, that that's all it took to make you think you loved him?"
"He's nice to me," Rose says, her voice numb. "He didn't make me kill people. I had nice food."
"He's a Syndic," Thorn says mercilessly, as the road begins to collapse, revealing the roots working their way up from underneath. "All those nice things were paid for with human suffering. That money he has is only there because there are billions suffering worldwide in an economic system which people like him have set up to advantage themselves. He knows all about the power of bribery. And didn't you see him using spirit-binding. You know Dimensional Science can't do that, because it's a weak, neutered product of Technocratic stupidity. So I guess he's the sort who gets easily bought, if he'll defect to your Union just for money."
"Shut up, shut up, shut up," Rose moans.
Thorn stretches. "Well, just remember. You're up against your precious Control, now. The Union is corrupt and rotten on Earth, full of men and women who are just in it for the power. And in the spirit world, in 'space', it's monstrous. The little freak who was so much like you… well, men don't change their fundamental nature when they become spirits. Your precious Progenitors were always amoral assimilationist monsters who made everyone like them, forcing them into an idealised model of beauty. You're just the same as her.
The woman smirks, fangs gleaming in the half-light.
"Only you won't remember, will you? Because you're just going to run away from the truth. Have fun with that. You'll get the pleasure of discovering it all over again. Because you're weak and pathetic. You run away from your roots. You run away from anything you can't kill. Or you roll over. One of the other."
"Shut up!"
"You want to stop me? Then confront what you are! Face up to the truth!" Thorn hisses through her smile.
Something snaps inside Rose. Something which only has broken once before. She throws her head back in the melting world, and screams.
…
Everything is going red. Everything is going wrong. Serafina's hands fly over the keyboard trying to maintain brainstate integrity and keep Rose in the dreamless sleep she
should be in.
But isn't. Oh no, she very much isn't.
Serafina pauses, conflicted. She could pull a hardstop. But that would risk permanent brain damage. But not doing so might risk permanent brain damage. But something is going very wrong. 'Might' and 'would' war in her head and all the while she's staring at the extremely abnormal neural activity.
There's patterns in it. Oh yes. Patterns which she could work out if only she looked deeper. She's sure of it.
No. No, she can't risk Rose this way. She grabs an injector from the table, and…
She didn't even see Rose move. One moment, she was lying in the machine. The next she has her hand around Serafina's throat. She's still connected to the wires. Somehow she hasn't torn them. She's squeezing hard enough to bruise.
Rose screams in her face, a bestial, inhuman shriek.
No. That's not Rose.
…
The world has changed. It's a chimeric tableau, half luxurious wood-panelled room and half charnel house with blood-stained walls.
Rose doesn't feel like herself.
"This meeting of the Invisible College is now called to order." The words are strange and echoing, like a half-remembered dream. They come from one of the nine great chairs arranged in a circle around the room, each carefully constructed so shadows fall over the occupant despite the good lighting of the rest of the room. She can tell that they are incredibly comfortable chairs, because she sits in one of them.
The Chair of Unification shall summarise Jeremy Bentham's latest report on social development and the development of the third iteration of the Pannomion text."
"
Thank you. The Chair of Unification expresses its thanks to the Chair of Chancellors, but must pause because the Chair of Generals has requested a moment to speak to us," says an old female voice, with a strong Russian accent. "
This is unorthodox, but the Chair of Generals has notified me that she wishes to make an announcement."
Rose-not-Rose clears her throat. "
Thank you," she says, her body and mouth moving for her. "
I just wished to a notify the Invisible College that I have received word that the node on Dartmoor has been successfully captured. The assault formation lost many brave men in the process due to heavier than expected resistance, but our artillery dispersed chemicals which disorientated their counterattack, and when the fire projection tanks managed to break the threshold, the heat of the flames forced them back. The spearhead of mechanised troopers managed to slay many of the monsters before they retreated back to the world of the spirits."
"Look at her," Thorn says quietly, leaning against the side of the chair. There is quiet applause, echoning in this hollow room. "Look at you. A butcher among butchers. You ran away from who you were. And so you sank into these memories of who you could have been." She snorts. "Even when you face up to the past, you're just so pathetic about the whole state of affairs that… well, it pisses me off!"
"
That is good news indeed," the Chair of Unification declares. "
Those mangy things were a great annoyance. Now, if we may return to the matter at hand…"
"What… I…" Rose begins in her own voice, working her jaw. It feels strange from having someone else talk through it. "This isn't my memory!"
"Your brilliance never starts to amaze me," Thorn drawls. "But you were just too weak to actually stand up to me, face up to what you know you should want to learn about. So instead you surrendered to the memories. You didn't master them. You disgust me."
Rose tries to ignore her, tries to listen to the voices of the Invisible College – of Control before they were Control – instead of the horrible voice in her head. Who is outside her head. When she's inside her own head. Oh, darn it, she'll just think of her as the voice in her head.
Rose watches. Rose sits back and lets Reina speak for her, walking through the memories of her last day.
She feels strange. Her body aches in small ways it never aches normally. And there's always Thorn, harping on and on.
She feels
old.
Reina was an old woman, Rose realises. Not only in the sense that she'd lived a long time. No, she was old and tired. Her body, even with the best treatments available to the late nineteenth century, wasn't everything it had been. Her scars ached in the rain. The painting Director Belltower of her had been when she still looked young in the way that senior Technocrats tended to look for a long time. She was past that point. Her hair is almost completely white, and there are deep crow's feet around her eyes.
But she keeps going. Rose thinks what she thinks, feels what she feels, and she seems to be made of steel. Not in the sense that the proto-HITMarks she sees are. In the sense that she somehow pushes her flesh to keep on going. She doesn't seem to question herself. She doesn't seem to weaken. She doesn't even let herself doubt. She's sure that what she's doing is the right thing, even as she has meeting after meeting and plans to wipe out haemophage nests and inspects production lines of some kind of early power and so on.
Rose wishes she was like that. They're opposites. Reina might have had weak flesh, but she was strong. Rose knows she can take an anti-tank missile to the gut and be fine in a few moments, but for all that, she's weak.
But she also sees other things. The Technocratic Union is changing. When Reina goes for a walk through the vast underground cavern that Rose recognises as the London Geofront, she can see things that Reina can't, because they're only just happening. There are men and women in dark formalwear, who have something of the New World Order about them. Reina talks with one of them – an Operative, Rose realises, no wonder they resemble the New World Order – and she doesn't seem to see quite how the woman in the smart black dress seems more interested in killing haemophages because they're rivals, not because they're monsters. A doctor trailed by workers who have dull eyes and clear signs of surgical scarring around their heads.
Little things about the Union which are the seeds for things Rose will recognise.
"Lobotomised slave-workers, Frankensteins, power-hungry murderers who could be Director Belltower's grandmother," Thorn says, smirking as she ambles beside Rose-Reina, trailing blood-red flowers in her wake. "You've noticed them. Look at the wonders of your Technocratic Union."
Rose tries to ignore her. It gets much harder when Reina gives the orders to deploy 'sympathetic units from the British Army' to a remote village thought to have people suspected to be relatives of werewolves. Rose wants to protest, tell her that she should at least try to separate the innocent from those who were working with those murderous monsters but of course the memory doesn't care about her protests.
She's never seen the high end of commanding before. Rose has always been on the ground, the one getting orders. Even Director Belltower just seems to produce these orders from nowhere and sleeps even less than her despite being baseline human. Here, it's talking to people. Turning people into numbers. Things to be erased as needed.
She feels sick.
And there's one last moment which stays with her, even as Reina's death approaches. She locks herself in her room, as she strips down and puts on a leather undersuit. Rose almost smiles at the realisation that it is the n-greatgrandfather of Henriette's piloting suit. But dressed like that, Reina kneels and prays.
Or perhaps something else, she realises as the memories wash through her.
"
Gabriel," she-Reina says. "
Gabriel? Please?"
There is no answer. There has not been an answer in the waking world for a hundred years and more. Once he appeared to her as a dove, a burning fire, a handsome young man with eyes ablaze and curls which flickered in the air like flames. Now he only comes to her when she sleeps, and only then rarely.
A weaker woman might have doubted. A weaker woman would have listened to the lies of the Council of Nine – such a name, for an organisation where but eight of the seats are filled! – and given credit to their mewling claims that the Order… no, now the Union is an instrument of stasis.
No. She knows the fault is her own. She is too old. Too tired. She cannot reach the old fire; she does not burn like she used to. The leaden years weigh down on her. She was born in the winter of the Year of Our Lord, 1210, and she is less than two decades short of her seven hundredth birthday. Of course, she has not lived all these years – no, she lost a hundred and fifty of them to the burning of fae-tainted lands where the flow of time was not as it should have been, and a hundred more to the siege of Shangri-La – but time's weight lies heavy on her shoulders. She can feel her too-extended life whenever she leaves the sterile halls of her hidden fortresses.
Perhaps that is why she leaves. It reminds her that it is only by the grace of God that her life is maintained, for the science and knowledge he wove into the world from the earliest days lets her do so. But she still fears that perhaps she steps into hubris, that she has lived too long, that perhaps it is time for her to go to her long-deserved rest. She welcomes that fear. The fear stokes the embers of her life, lets her burn brightly once more knowing that she has nothing to fear in death if it serves the divine plan. She will live as long as she must, and no longer.
And in the meantime, she will act to see the wicked and monstrous scourged from this Earth, so that the innocent need not suffer their depredations. Those who deviate from the divine plan for creation shall face a pogrom. Mithras, the vampire Prince of London, is her foe and bane. He survives no matter what she does. She will not - cannot - stand for that.
He will die today, if God wills it.
"I could play 'Gabriel' for you," Thorn drawls. She is wearing a snow-white dress speckled with dried blood, and though she has a glowing halo and lush white feathery wings, closer inspection reveals that they're held on with wire. The gleam in her eyes suggests she's doing this deliberately. "Abandoned by her Avatar. Tch. And in the end, she's just a tired old woman who's trying not to realise that she's on the wrong side. That she has more in common with the Celestial Choir than she has with your precious Technocratic Union. That's the 'hero of the Technocratic Union' they decided to clone. They wouldn't have done it if they'd known."
Rose feels her heart beat faster, even as her-not-her begins to slowly put on her dented mechanised armour, with all the solemnity of a knight dressing for battle. It's Reina's anticipation, and it's also her own.
"Maybe that's why you're you," Thorn continues, mercilessly. "She wanted to stay dead. She wanted to rest. All the others in your madmen of Control were greedy maniacs grasping for life, but in the end you're a clone of an old tired woman who just wanted to die, who didn't let anyone see it. I'd laugh if it wasn't so sad that your entire life is a joke." She chuckles. "Oh, what the hell, I'll laugh anyway. The mockery the 'Crats made of your life is pretty funny. And you're a whipped dog who refuses to see it."
Rose hates Thorn. Rose hates Thorn more than she's hated anyone. Apart from maybe I-50-B31. No, the hate is different there. There's more contempt in what she held for the Transhuman. And yes, an edge of fear. Thorn, though, is just unadulterated loathing.
"What do you want to do?" she asks. It's a formality. She knows what her reflection will say, and isn't surprised.
"Burn it to the ground," Thorn breathes, blood in the scent. "Break its hegemony, and let the world start again. That's the way it works. The revolutionaries come to power, get greedy and corrupt, and must be overthrown. Why do you think they're called revolutions? Because they always come around, time and time again. The great wheel turns, and now it turns for your Union. You know this in your gut. We've known it for a very long time. We are the green-eyed gardener of the world."
She does know it. She feels it, in a memory so ancient it bubbles up without feeling, without sensing, without words. This is a truth which was written in blood under a starless, sunless sky. The tree must die so the seeds grow.
"No," Rose says quietly.
"What?"
"No," Rose says again. "I know you're right. The Union has a lot of bad people in it. They do a lot of bad things. But I refuse. I'm not going to be the one who burns down the world to let some kind of… of hypothetical new growth happen." She squares her jaw. "The Union needs trimming. I know that's true. But if you're going call us a gardener, I
refuse to burn down the… the whole plant."
She swallows. "Go away! You don't want me to be a person! You… you just want me to be a construct-killer for
your beliefs! You're just the same as them! Whatever… whatever superstitionist 'destiny' or great plan you want me to fulfil, I won't do it! Just like I won't be a loyal killing construct anymore!"
Thorn chuckles. "Was that meant to be some kind of profound character building revelation?" she asks mockingly. "You can't even stand up to the scientists who made you. You'll bend and fall apart at the first real problem, just like you always do, and go back to servility to the Union." She snorts. "Too bad. Tough luck. You fail." She essays a little wave. "Be seeing you!"
And the world fades to white.
…
Rose opens her eyes to find her hands around Serafina's throat. She lets go immediately, and slumps down, starting to cry. What just happened? What had her body been doing?
The two women collapse down, each one gasping for their own reasons.
"How long?" Rose whispers through the tears.
"Wh-what?" Serafina manages, hands rummaging around for an injector. She jabs herself, and the livid red marks around her throat fade. Pulling herself up onto all fours , Serafina tries to lever herself up the wall.
"How long was I doing that?" Rose asks. "H-how long was… was I hurting you?"
"You literally… literally just grabbed me. Rose! What on earth was that?" Serafina demands, eyes wide. Her full red lips are drawn into a thin line, and her hands are unconsciously clenching into fists. Rose can see the worry on the other woman's face. "Did I do something wrong? Or… Rose, what was going on? What is going on, even! Your brainwaves are still strange!"
"The place. The car. In London," Rose whispers. "I was there. Time wasn't moving. Th-Thorn showed up. She… she kept on being mean. I screamed. I… I lost it. And then I was in Reina's m-m-memories. Felt like… like a day. H-her last day."
"Rose," Serafina says, rubbing her lab-coat sleeve against her forehead, "remember what I told you? Naming the atavistic tendencies 'Thorn' and acknowledging it will only aggravate the symptoms. It's not healthy for you to personify it like that."
"I know." Rose hugs her knees. "Please don't have me recycled," she whispers.
"Recyc… Rose!" Serafina almost snaps. She marches over to Rose, and puts both hands on her shoulders. "I am not going to have you recycled, do you understand? I don't understand why there are strange readings coming from you, but just because I don't know why doesn't mean I'm… I'm going to have you taken out back and shot like Ol' Yeller!" Her jaw is squared, and she locks her eyes on Rose.
"Who's that?" Rose asks.
"… I'm not having you put down," Serafina says. "Do you understand? We'll just find out what went wrong here, and… and I'll make it work this time. It's my fault, not yours! And I will not have you recycled, so don't… don't even
suggest that!"
Serafina busies herself preparing the machine to run again, and Rose is left alone to think.
"Why do you feel guilty?" Rose asks, out of the blue.
Serafina whirls, and then pauses, trying to calm herself down. "Rose, what are you…"
"Why do you feel guilty?" she says again, thinking of something Thorn had mentioned. "You have this guilty look in your eyes when you look at me sometimes. I used to wonder if maybe you were lying to me when you said you loved me, but I don't think that's it. But there's guilt there." She swallows. "And since you're going to alter my memories anyway, you should tell me. I deserve that much."
"I don't feel guilty," Serafina insists, her expression calm in a subtly forced way.
"And… and!" Rose continues, "you were also doing it when you were being all… all controlling-y about me going with Donald to help Director Belltower!" She frowns. "I don't get it. Why would you be guilty about that? Because you didn't stop me? But I helped keep her safe! I don't mind getting hurt if I can help!" No. She doesn't. Not if it will show Thorn.
And there it is again. "Rose," Serafina says. "I just…"
"You did it again! Why are you feeling guilty? And… and now that I think of it, it's happened a lot! Serafina. Please, please, tell me. Why are you feeling guilty about me?"
"Because you're five!" Serafina snaps. "Okay! That's it! You're five and it's not at all fair to you that you're stuck with an adult body and hormones you're not remotely prepared for and which take the rest of us years and years to come to terms with! You're a little girl who's never been allowed to be a child! It's not fair on you that everyone expects you to be an adult when you're not!
She laughs, a trace of bitterness in her voice. "I wonder if that's why the Void Engineers went for accelerated growth in VR sims for their own pet projects. It's obsolete tech, but it's easier to do and most importantly easier to
patch because if something goes wrong in development you've still got a normal-ish basis to work from. We didn't give you that much. I've tried my best and I couldn't make things much easier for you. I couldn't fix your brain or your body or your life. All I can do is throw on patches and it never seems to be enough!
She wipes at her eyes. "You think me and Alexander like having to file harassment complaints on your behalf? You think I liked finding that they'd signed you up for a swimsuit calendar by telling you that you could wear nice clothes? They moved you away from where Alexander could protect you and I remember the first time you came back crying because an utter
bastard used you as an off-the-shelf combat construct and threatened you with destruction until you 'sterilised' a location and the witnesses. You were two at the time! I was only just learning to read when I was two! And then you went and signed up for a cross-convention amalgam on your own and you managed to pick someone with the reputation of Jamelia Belltower of all people and I… I couldn't…"
"Fix my brain," Rose says quietly. "Make me not me."
Serafina pales. "Rose," she says, a crack in her voice, "I… I didn't mean it like that."
"You said it."
"I wouldn't… I…"
"Well, what did you mean it like?"
"I just meant the… the stress atavism and… and the visual hallucinations," Serafina says, arms wrapped around herself almost defensively. Serafina is shaking, Rose realises, and she doesn't know why. She takes a deep breath. " You get so miserable and it might be a risk to you and… and I wouldn't… I wasn't going to affect you. Not since you became you. I still wonder what would happen had the demilitarisation option won out, but… but that's not an option anymore."
"Demilitarisation?" It's strange, Rose thinks, feeling almost cold in her emotional detachment. Serafina, her mother-figure, is the one falling apart here in front of her. It never normally happens like this.
Serafina sniffs. "It was one of the… the options for when we realised you weren't Reina Lior," she says reluctantly. "Transfer your brain to a near baseline body, one closer to your mental age, reuse the body in a dedicated combat development programme, and try to see how much of the Reina personality could be salvaged and built upon with the proper education. It was still being argued over, especially since you were showing signs of Genius, and then the others… they just…" Serafina sighs. "I sold you out," she whispers.
It's like a blow to the gut. "What?" Rose says sharply.
"I… I threw my full support behind 'let's put the construct to use so we can recoup some costs from this disaster'," Serafina says, staring down at her hands. "It… it was the only way I could think to save you, but I still wonder if… if maybe I hadn't panicked, we could have got demilitarisation through to 'make you not a threat'. But I didn't even try. So I sold away any hope you'd have of a childhood and let them send you out to kill and… and worse things. And every time you've come back crying from what they had you do… it's my fault for not fighting harder to get you a normal life."
Rose is silent for a few heartbeats. Then she reaches out and squeezes Serafina's hand. "Don't feel bad about that," she says gently. "I thought it was something really bad."
"It is really bad," Serafina protests.
"No, it's not," Rose says. "You did it to protect me. And with everything that happened with EXEMPLAR III… I don't blame you." She takes a deep breath, and hugs the other woman. "I forgive you."
"You don't understand because you don't have the experience to understand what you're missing," Serafina moans.
"That's enough," Rose says sharply. "That's pretty patronising, you know!"
"It's true. You didn't get a childhood and… and some of it is my fault. And I can't give you what you're missing out on." Serafina sniffs. "And when I try to send you away so you can be safe, you say 'no'. It's sweet, but… Rose, I just want you to be safe and happy and… and all those things you've never been."
"I am happy," Rose tells her seriously. "You say I didn't get a childhood. Well, you're still my mother, for what I did have. I like the people here. And I know the truth too, remember? No one is safe. If… if Control breaks through to Earth, it's over. And… and it might be worse for me, because Reina was on the Invisible College. I saw her memories. Her death was what made it become Control." Rose swallows, her mouth feeling dry. "If they got through, they'd make me into her, and then make her into them. I'd rather be dead. There… there are worse things than death.
"Reina… Reina wasn't perfect," she continues. "She was a… a grumpy old woman, by the end. Tired. Very tired. She ached and hurt and was too proud to let other people see it. And she didn't see how the Union was changing, because she was obsessed with wiping out haemophages and shapeshifters and everything like that. But she'd have hated what Control became. She'd certainly hate what they are now." She pulls Serafina closer. "I'm staying and that's that."
"I could force you to go," Serafina says numbly. "I… Rose, you don't understand, I don't want to. I'm… I don't want to be my mother. My parents. But I just want to keep you safe. I don't want to force you to do anything, but if I could stop you going down with me, I… maybe I should."
"I'll fight you with everything I've got," Rose says. "You'll have to try your very hardest to m-make me." She tries to stop her voice shaking. It's hard to say this kind of thing to a senior Progenitor, and doubly hard to say it to her mother figure. "I'm not Reina. I'm not as strong as she was. But I'll try my best. Even… even with all the Conditioning in my head. I'm going to stay here and I'm going to keep the bits of the Union which are good – which is the people who make things better! – safe and… and… and I'm going to help you stop Control!" The words almost burn coming out, but she forces them out, and resists the urge to bite out her own tongue for saying such a thing.
It's like a noise in her head which she didn't even realise was there has just stopped. It is elation, it is grace, and it is freedom.
"Oh, Rose," Serafina says sadly. "I hope I don't live to regret this." She kisses her on the forehead. "But I saw how hard that was for you, and… I'll see what I can do to help, but I am proud of you. I know I'm not a very good mother. I'm 'flighty' and I never planned this and… and I can't keep you safe."
"You're the best one I know," Rose says loyally. She takes a breath. "And now you need to put me back in the machine. I said I'm staying no matter what, and I can't let them use me to hurt you, so I can't be allowed to remember this for now. Everyone I care about in the world who isn't an EXEMPLAR is here. I won't let me hurt you."
"I understand," Serafina says. "Thank you. I… I promise I'll let you remember as soon as we're safe. And I'll try to keep as much of the determination and… and everything in. Even if I have to make up a flaming row between us so I can still confess about EXEMPLAR. I'll… I'll try to be the best mother I can. Live up to the expectations you just put on me."
She helps Rose back into the bay of the machine.
"I love you, mama," Rose says softly.