Oath Sign: What Dreams May Come

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Deathclaw 2015 said:
Just edited my sheet.
Click to expand...
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*Checks*
Let's see. You've added links to the two generic attacks that pretty much every Rider has, noted glidin, and added in a load of wiki links that I'm not sure Wade's going to be happy having to trawl through.
Instead of, say, actually describing what Yongou can do as I did with my Ryugen sheet.
I'd say it still needs work.
 
Deathclaw 2015 said:
Just edited the sheet.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
...It's still very minimalistic, especially when compared to other applications here. Why should Wade choose your sheet over someone else's?

If you want a shot at getting in, you need to add some detail. Describe stuff. Right now, all we know about your KR4 is that "his stuff is powered by wind", "combines with fighter planes", and "was an evil robot before the SI* took over". What can his stuff do? What are his limitations? Why is he an interesting character and not Generic Murderbot SI #n?

*This is incredibly dangerous and can kill sheets just by being on them regardless of how well-written or detailed they are.
 
As an example of Stuff Missed Out, apparently Yongou is at normal human sgrength/durability/ect; no mention of the Stock Rider Stat Boosts.
Additionally, we have no idea what the Sky Cyclone can do, it's currently just Some Plane That Can Combine With Other Planes; we don't even know what kind of plane it is.

Finally there's the matter Cyreni brought up of Plot Hooks. To give the Rider example here, Micchy is taken from his pre-Final Episode state of "Failed Mai, have tk do whatever I can to atone for it"; as such, he's likely to be a bit...fanatical about pursuing his Objective.
Meanwhile, you're currently Generic Kamen Rider SI; not even anything interesting like, say, the SI being the person Shocker kidnapped to create Yongou, and the SI having to struggle for every bit of conrol he can get over the Murderbot's motivations.
 
[In which Rachel meets a tree]

"Oh, h-hi N-numbuh three sixty two I didn't expect to see y-you-"

362 leapt forwards. The alien raygun that the traitor tried to raise in defence was kicked aside, almost as an afterthought, and a fist slammed into the boy's face. The stinging pain across 362's knuckles reminded her of her martial arts training; punching and kicking wood to build up a resistance.

The scientist crumpled to the ground with all the dignity of wet paper, just as the once-spy expected. What she didn't expect was for the air around him to warp and spark, and then reveal a vaguely humanoid tree thing, the bark above its face splintered from her blow.

The shock was enough to, at least, momentarily override the murderous red haze currently blinding Numbuh 362's mind. Numbuh Vine (also known as that stupid screeching harpy pig Lizzie Devine) was also a plant alien. Were they the same species of alien, she wondered, and why had they decided to send a pair of plants to infiltrate the very un-plantlike humans?

Then Numbuh 362 remembered that that was all very irrelevant.

The thing that had once been Numbuh 74.239 barely had time to yelp before Numbuh 362 lifted it clean off the ground by what should've been its neck and slammed it into wall, making it cry out in pain as some of the branches it had for hair snapped.

Numbuh 362's lip curled up into a snarl, so enraged she was at complete loss for what to say. The tree thing shivered, and feebly raised his arms in a placating gesture.

"N-now, s-sir," it gibbered, "T-there's no need to be unreasonable-"

Rachel leaned in at those words, her face even more murderous, if that was possible.

"Unreasonable?" she hissed, "Unreasonable!?" she snapped, "Unreasonable!?!?" she screamed, her voice rising an entire octave, "You...! You...! One of my best friends just came back with your buddies to tell us that they were going to lock us into stasis for eternity, I had to put down a big chunk of my own organization because they tried to help that happen and the parts of my planet that aren't encased in that stasis crystal crud are on fire! And you're asking me to be reasonable with one of the jerkfaces whose fault this all is!?"

"... Please?" it whimpered.

Rachel merely slammed the tree-kid-thing into the wall again in lieu of a response.

"... I ought to feed you to a wood chipper," Rachel whispered after a moment, making her unfortunate captive squirm in terror, "Nice and slow. I really, really should. But I'm running out of time, so I'll have to make this quick..."

Rachel's eyes darted to the left, at a nearby light switch... and a rather peculiar idea came to her.

Her face twisted into a smile. Or something like one. Her eyes were too full of hate to call it a smile.

"You know..." she started, "I know a thing or two about infiltration... Blending into a whole different species, for... what? Years?"

"T-three," the tree thing squeaked.

"Three years," Rachel mused, "That must've taken... a lot of dedication."

The tree thing gulped and nodded feverishly, sweating what looked like tree sap.

"Or maybe not," Rachel countered herself, "Might be hard to emphasize with a different species. That's the hard part about deep cover ops, you know. You have to get close to your targets. See what they see. Feel what they feel. Laugh with them, play with them... Losing yourself in your new life is a very real risk. Even professionals have to be careful... but that's not really a risk with you, isn't it?"

She smiled again. Still holding the tree thing up with one hand, she aimed the S.C.A.M.P.P. with the other and fired at the light switch. The box it was in exploded, revealing a pair of sparkling wires. Letting the rifle hang by its strap, the ex-Supreme Leader tugged out the wires, her hands protected by her gloves.

"Well, there's one way to find out how dedicated you are..."
 
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