Well... I first of all want to apologize for flying off the handle like that.
I haven't read anything in the thread since then, since I've been having the problem that I keep trying to step away to cool down, and then when I come back I just get heated right back up. So I 'm about 4 pages out of date in my response.
First of all, I obviously must have been at fault for failing to communicate what my true intentions where. Thinking over it, the only thing I can think of is that my assessment of the worst case scenario: a breakdown of relations and a violent confrontation with Serena - got interpreted as my first response instead of my last response. I tend to assess worst case scenarios first because for something like Serena's powers that to me was the first question. If there wasn't a way to handle the worst case, then that was an auto-rejection, and no point in continuing the assessment.
Now I did, several times, in several different posts make statements that clearly show that this was not my first response and that I had a more reasonable position, but perhaps the fast pace of the conversation, combined with my emotional reaction to some of the suggestions that we regularly expose our girls to her aura obscured these posts.
I'd already come to that conclusion after I had finally got recognition through that I didn't want to imprison Serena. I was coming back to apologize and see if we could reenter a discussion now that we understood each other. Then I saw a post that claimed I wanted to imprison Serena. (After talking with the poster privately, I see that I misunderstood that post as well.)
And at that point I lost it. I felt like I was being forced to continually defend a position that I didn't hold, and that is an infuriating position to be put in. I lost my temper, and began lashing out. I wasn't even attempting to persuade anymore, but just venting my spleen. That was wrong of me, and in my anger I said many heated things and made accusations based on ungenerous assumptions about other people's motives. I apologize for doing this, and hope you will forgive me.
After all of this, I also began to try and consider why I would find this so obvious a position, and yet hardly anyone seemed to understand the point I was making. This is a bit of a long way around to try and explain it, but it's the best I can think of.
I did a small informal poll of my friends, and the results where quite illuminating. There was a clear split in how people saw the situation. One group was overwhelmingly in agreement with me. Indeed there were some who felt that I was too soft on the matter, and that we ought to kill Serena. In this group, there were only two that agreed with the majority of this board, and a good few more that agreed with me, but thought I overreacted.
There was a clear break of "everyone else" with the second group, the Engineering division, which overwhelming agreed with the majority of the board and disagreed with me. Of 18 engineers, 2 agreed with me, 2 disagreed, but thought I raised good points, with the remainder as incomprehensible of my position as you have been.
It made me think that maybe this is a
Moral Foundations scenario. Basically, I get the feeling that all of you are primarily addressing this as a Fairness/Justice question. This is why you kept making remarks about me hating Serena, which always confused me, as I never hated Serena, I just felt sorry for her. I just couldn't understand what my judgement on Serena had to do with the question at hand.
To me, the whole Serena question hits a lot of buttons all over the Moral Foundations. First, it raises obvious Liberty issues which has always been a high moral priority for me. For me it also hits care/harm, loyalty, and sanctity/purity moral questions. Sanctity because Serena's power is a perversion and mockery of hope. Taking something good and turning it into evil, it's horrific. That's not a judgement of Serena as a person, it's just a judgement about her power.
Harm because in addition to being degrading, and a threat to liberty, Serena's aura can kill magical girls. This flows straight into Loyalty, in which I perceive that we have a fundamental duty as the leader of our group (Mami) to not endanger our girls without good reason. To expose our girls to Serena's power for unnecessary reasons is therefor a betrayal of our trust, and a betrayal of the loyalty of our girls to us.
And that hooks into Duty, with the capital D, which has always been my personal ultimate moral standard. (I consider duty to be the supreme value in determining the right thing to do). That's why I reacted so viscerally to the idea of experimenting to find safe regular exposure levels.
Understand, I don't think that you all don't care about Loyalty. Rather I think you conglomerate it into one question that is combined with the Fairness/Justice question (which is the primary moral foundation for the rationalist morality model). So to you all those loyalty issues goes into the equation, but when you consider the way Serena has made an effort to avoid damaging people the answer that comes back is "Serena deserves a chance."
To me they aren't one question, they are two questions. The first is "does Serena deserve a chance?" to which my answer is yes. However, I also see a separate question, which is "are we sufficiently protecting the girls in our trust, that we can honestly say we have kept faith with them?" And to me the answer to both those questions have to be yes before making a deal with Serena.
I feel like we can answer the second one as yes, if we take reasonable precautions, and ask Serena to agree to reasonable restrictions. Since I perceive Serena as a moral individual, I don't see how she could object. But you all interpret it as me saying to Serena "I don't trust you" and thus likely to offend her. When to me it has nothing to do with trusting Serena. That's a different question, and I wouldn't even be suggesting hiring her if I didn't trust her. To me it's about doing the due diligence to fulfill our duty. Why would anyone object to that?
Anyway, I know that was a long roundabout way of explaining it, but I hope that it allows you to understand why I was reacting the way I was, and what my true feelings are.
I was told there was some talk about maybe giving up on contacting Serena to placate me. I don't know if I feel comfortable with that. Feels like I would be getting my way because I threw a tantrum. I realize looking back that is sort of what I implied, but I was talking out of anger, and not with any intent or plan to try and impose my will on everyone.
Let's see instead if I can present what my position is, and maybe now you'll understand me, and you can respond to what I'm proposing and my concerns. Then we can see if we can agree without anyone feeling they have been forced to accept my personal preference. And I will commit to accepting whatever we end up deciding as a thread, even if I might have some objections, since after calming down I can see that you are not ignorant of our duties, rather you are addressing it in an indirect way. Which I don't like, but I can at least try to accept if the vote goes against me.
I don't object to making arrangements for occasional trips by Serena, as long as they managed in a way that doesn't expose magical girls to her aura when they don't need to be. Since it's not as deadly to mundanes, and because we don't have a special duty to mundanes I'm not as worried about occasional exposure to them. Although I wouldn't agree to regularly exposing Ayase, because to me she is someone we also owe a special duty too.
I don't object even to sending Serena abroad to handle class 3 demon crisis, as long as it is recognized that we should be sure to talk about the situation with the local girls, and not just impose exposure to Serena on them just because we think it's a good idea.
I do object to any policy of regular exposure to Serena's power by any of the Serenes, and to a lesser extent object to the regular exposure of any magical girl. Not because I don't trust Serena, nor because I think she somehow deserves to be isolated, but merely as part of our duty if we are going to take on responsibility for Serena. I just don't feel comfortable shoving the decisions all onto Serena, that seems like avoiding responsibility to me.
I do object to any attempt to experiment with direct exposure to her aura (as opposed to through a charm).
I do feel that we ought to explicitly bring up the issue of movement restrictions in discussion with Serena, so that there are no misunderstandings. This one is probably the easiest for me to compromise on, but I do feel that it's unfair to Serena to not explicitly discuss these issues, because otherwise how will everyone know that people are fulfilling their duties if we have unwritten expectations.
Anyway, I do hope that you will forgive me for my outburst.