By Any Means Necessary 1.04
- Location
- Somewhere cold
[X] This can only end well
She was standing off to the side, awkwardly - you two have so much in common! You stepped in front of her, blocking her view of the locked gates.
"Hi! I couldn't help but notice that your legs aren't broken - what's your secret?"
She looked around for a second, as if trying to spot someone, before responding
"...h-Hello. My name is Tsunotori Po - ehAH -! Pony Tsunotori. I apologise."
Aaand she had her face in her hands and was trying to walk away. Great job, Kaede. Your arm shot out, preventing her from tripping over your tail; she looked up at you, startled. Trying for a reassuring smile did nothing to help her 'deer in the headlights' expression.
"Are you okay? You seem a bit nervous."
"Eh, ah, yes. I'm sorry." She took a step back, composed herself, and tried once more: "You are here for the exam?"
She then appeared to realise what an idiotic question that was, and hid her face again. Well, it was some progress, at least.
"I'm sorry. I am not from this country, so I have trouble with the language sometimes when I am not concentrating. What did you want to speak with me about?"
"Your legs."
"...eh?"
You pointed. "Your legs. They're like mine, but better." Pony just gave you a confused, if slightly disturbed look.
"Thank you..?"
Argh… you weren't very good at this; most conversations generally involved you responding, rather than leading. Maybe you should try a different approach? After all, you were barely acquaintances - you could try and eat her later, once you had De-kun as backup. For now, friendship was the goal.
Fortunately, you were just brilliant at making friends.
"So… do you want to see my centipedes?"
"Wha-"
You reached inside and pulled out Daigankai, who was the most aesthetically appealing shade of red, partially due to the fact that she'd been in the middle of eating your stomach lining.
"Isn't she cute?"
"Wow - she is huge! Is she part of your quirk? Does it hurt? I have never seen one of those before!"
See? Everybody loves centipedes.
---
Neither of you were any good at maintaining conversation, so it trailed off soon after you two were done gushing praise over the insects, ending with promises to catch up after the exam. As Izuku was busy levitating, you decided to locate another victim. Friend. Either or.
Hello - someone new had arrived, the crowd parting to avoid her spiky tentacle hair. You were hugging that if it was the last thing you did.
"Pardon me, but why are you attempting to eat my hair?"
Everything about her radiated classiness - how were you supposed to speak to someone like that?! What did they always do on tv… flirting! Yeah, that would work. But, how do you do that? You think it involved working some kind of nonsensical complement into your speech, like:
"I wanted to see if it tasted as pretty as it looked."
She stuttered, blushing slightly - it actually worked? Okay, so far, so good. Now, for the love of acid spiders, don't say anything stupid.
"A-ah. Thank you for the compliment… er, I'm afraid I don't know your name."
"Kaede Shima. And you are?"
"Ibara Shiozaki. Nice to meet you, Kaede."
Oh no, things are actually going to plan - this has never happened before! Interpreting your terror as reprocication, she smiled brightly.
"So… what's your quirk, if you don't mind me asking? Mine is quite obvious."
She said, brushing a tentacle, no, a vine over her shoulder. Even more interesting… You could learn a lot from eating her: why your quirk prefers live animals, maybe even how to branch into plantlife. Oh, she asked a question; your mind was blank from shock, you couldn't remember the 'public version' of your quirk. Jargon to the rescue!
"I have consummate bodily vigilance to at minimum a cellular level, which sanctions me to control its sundry processes, how it develops, and make changes to its underlying base code. Furthermore, it is additionally theoretically possible for me to consume-"
This wasn't working, which was almost comforting; she appeared to be following your overcomplicated sentence with genuine interest. Which was great - she could be friends with De-kun. However, she hadn't been vetted, and could just be a 'fan' of your dad, so it wasn't safe to let her know the limits of your quirk just yet.
"- Well, it's complicated, and... I don't think... there's enough time to go over it before the exam…?"
"No, no, it's fine. I had promised to meet up with a friend, so thank you for not getting carried away." She flashed another smile and scribbled something down on a piece of paper she'd pulled out of her bag. "You may call me on this number, if you would like to discuss our quirks again."
She handed it to you with a good luck and a wave, the crowd parting before her once more. You sighed in relief, and looked down at the note.
You didn't know how to read the looping handwriting. In fact, you were pretty sure you didn't even know how to use a phone. Where was Izuku when you needed him? Right, socialising through making physicists cry - find someone else to talk to for now.
---
This wasn't too bad; as long as he kept his distance, he could almost tolerate being around this many women. Oh, they may act friendly now, but let your guard down for just a moment… He blamed his older siblings, who had encouraged him to be so 'affectionate' towards women in the first place. If only they hadn't... he probably wouldn't have this claustrophobia. Or gynophobia. Or be scared of the dark, either. But that wouldn't matter anymore; the road to becoming a pro hero was a long and arduous one, which would beat out any weakness in him. He just wished that he hadn't arrived so early, though - all these people were making him twitchy, and he couldn't shake the feeling that something horrible was about to happen. Eh, it was probably nothing.
"Hello, small child, are you lost?"
He looked up.
It was behind him, looming over with a too-wide grin on it's face, too many teeth.
A bug writhed out of the gap in its torso, sticky with fresh blood.
Minoru Mineta started screaming.
---
You couldn't help but smile as you walked through the now open gates. That last chat went well - you got to meet up with an old friend, and you learned about a new quirk to research. That adhesive he'd used had some very interesting properties. De-kun was blushing furiously as he caught up with you.
"Kaede! Kaede, I-I-I talked. To a girl. I talked to a girl!!"
Okay? You didn't really know how to respond to that, so you just patted him on the shoulder with a confused smile, which seemed to satisfy him. Bael noticed, and peeked out from Izuku's mess of hair - you patted him too. In response to the noise of the crowd, your other friends decided to crawl out of your insides and observe the sheer number of people streaming past; you were worried someone might jostle your shoulder and dislodge them, but the crowd was considerate enough to give your group a wide berth. Such polite people... you hoped your real class would be as nice as this.
After being directed through a series of sparkling clean corridors, everyone filed into the auditorium. Disappointingly, the plush seats were not designed to accommodate for tails, so you copied the blonde guy a few rows back and perched on the back of your chair, to the annoyance of the student behind you. Bael claimed the seat to the right of De-kun. As your group waited for the hall to fill up, he recounted his first 'conversation' with a girl. Did it count as a conversation if only one person spoke? This warranted research.
"Um, Kaede, can I ask..? Are you nervous about all this too?"
"Yeah… what if I failed my exams? I'm so worried that everything I do today will all be for nothing…"
"That's not really what I meant." He smiled "Thank you, though."
"Why?"
"I think… focusing on stopping you from worrying takes up so much concentration that I can't afford to be nervous myself."
Aww… that was so sweet. You placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling.
"Kaede."
"Yes?"
"Please regrow your fingers."
Oh, yeah, forgot about that.
Time flew while you were [focusing], and your concentration was soon disrupted by the arrival of one of the staff to the stage. Immediately, Izuku started gushing about whichever one he was, and how all the teachers at UA were professional heroes. Wait, when did they find the time to pick up teaching licens-
"For all you examinees tuning in, welcome to today's show!"
LOUD. WHY WAS HE SO LOUD?
Urghh - every squeal of feedback was picked up and amplified by your ears. And his voice was so obnoxiously shrill. Screw it, you'll pick up the rules as you go, anything beats listening to this. You broke down the tiny hairs in your cochlea, which would normally translate sound vibrations into signals from your nerves to your brain; silence. The discount-Yomiel pranced around on stage for a bit, while you looked over your applicational sheet again, hoping you'd misread it the previous sixteen times. There were seven possible venues for the exam; each person would be assigned to a different 'battle center'. The problem was, Izuku was assigned to center B, while you had center A. While you didn't know what exactly the examinations would entail, the term 'battle center' was more than a little ominous… Hopefully Bael could keep De-kun safe - he'd declined taking any of your girls, for some reason. Which made no sense, considering how much they loved to hug him.
Hmm? Izuku was trying to get your attention by tapping your side. You reluctantly regrew your stereocilia to be greeted with an earful of angry megane:
"-ou even paying attention to the briefing? Furthermore, you are blocking the view for the students behind you - please sit properly!"
What was this guy's problem? It's not your fault that the school didn't properly cater to the tailed minority. Okay, you could have picked a seat at the back, but your tiny friends didn't have very good eyesight, so it was only fair to them.
"Er… no thanks..?"
That did not defuse things.
"W-what?! This is a serious exam that will affect the course of the rest of our lives; if everyone decided to flaunt the rules as you do, we would not even be able to hold this event! Could you please either treat this examination with the appropriate level of maturity, or leave?!
"But does it matter that much if I'm the only one doing it? You said it was only a problem if everyone did… Also, there are actually rules on how to sit? That wasn't included in the guidebook." At least, you didn't think so. Damn, you'd have to read it all over again so you wouldn't be caught out like this.
Glasses was making some kind of aggressive choking sound; Microphone Guy hurriedly tried to get back on track with his speech. You turned back to your reading. And your adorable friends.
---
As you waited to begin the exam, your thoughts took off on unusual tangents. The hero industry was really quite extravagant, wasn't it? Sure, there's homeless people on the street, but lets build seven miniature cities and fill them with giant robots. Well, at least it created jobs - and the revenue from the live broadcasts must be astronomical, considering how many people tuned in worldwide. UA liked to show off like that. Which, in your opinion, meant it was the best.
You couldn't see much from outside the walls of the compound, no killer robots yet, but the nerves were still getting to you. Maybe you should actually come up with some kind of strategy for this?
Main Action:
[ ] Find someone with good synergy with your quirk and team up.
[ ] Get to a high vantage point.
[ ] Just jump on a robot and go from there - planning is overrated and your middle name is Leeroy.
Additional Actions: Write-in
---
AN: If it seems like too short a time frame in which to have all those conversations, keep in mind that Izuku was just quietly screaming with excitement after talking to Ururaka for about ten minutes. It was his first time talking with another human his age in three years. Let him have this.
Welp, now you've made friends with a sentient pastry, a budding nightmare fetishist, somebody you accidentally scarred for life, way too many bugs, and plant girl who thinks you're interested in her. Good job!
And, just to be sure, nobody misses pervert Mineta, right?
She was standing off to the side, awkwardly - you two have so much in common! You stepped in front of her, blocking her view of the locked gates.
"Hi! I couldn't help but notice that your legs aren't broken - what's your secret?"
She looked around for a second, as if trying to spot someone, before responding
"...h-Hello. My name is Tsunotori Po - ehAH -! Pony Tsunotori. I apologise."
Aaand she had her face in her hands and was trying to walk away. Great job, Kaede. Your arm shot out, preventing her from tripping over your tail; she looked up at you, startled. Trying for a reassuring smile did nothing to help her 'deer in the headlights' expression.
"Are you okay? You seem a bit nervous."
"Eh, ah, yes. I'm sorry." She took a step back, composed herself, and tried once more: "You are here for the exam?"
She then appeared to realise what an idiotic question that was, and hid her face again. Well, it was some progress, at least.
"I'm sorry. I am not from this country, so I have trouble with the language sometimes when I am not concentrating. What did you want to speak with me about?"
"Your legs."
"...eh?"
You pointed. "Your legs. They're like mine, but better." Pony just gave you a confused, if slightly disturbed look.
"Thank you..?"
Argh… you weren't very good at this; most conversations generally involved you responding, rather than leading. Maybe you should try a different approach? After all, you were barely acquaintances - you could try and eat her later, once you had De-kun as backup. For now, friendship was the goal.
Fortunately, you were just brilliant at making friends.
"So… do you want to see my centipedes?"
"Wha-"
You reached inside and pulled out Daigankai, who was the most aesthetically appealing shade of red, partially due to the fact that she'd been in the middle of eating your stomach lining.
"Isn't she cute?"
"Wow - she is huge! Is she part of your quirk? Does it hurt? I have never seen one of those before!"
See? Everybody loves centipedes.
---
Neither of you were any good at maintaining conversation, so it trailed off soon after you two were done gushing praise over the insects, ending with promises to catch up after the exam. As Izuku was busy levitating, you decided to locate another victim. Friend. Either or.
Hello - someone new had arrived, the crowd parting to avoid her spiky tentacle hair. You were hugging that if it was the last thing you did.
"Pardon me, but why are you attempting to eat my hair?"
Everything about her radiated classiness - how were you supposed to speak to someone like that?! What did they always do on tv… flirting! Yeah, that would work. But, how do you do that? You think it involved working some kind of nonsensical complement into your speech, like:
"I wanted to see if it tasted as pretty as it looked."
She stuttered, blushing slightly - it actually worked? Okay, so far, so good. Now, for the love of acid spiders, don't say anything stupid.
"A-ah. Thank you for the compliment… er, I'm afraid I don't know your name."
"Kaede Shima. And you are?"
"Ibara Shiozaki. Nice to meet you, Kaede."
Oh no, things are actually going to plan - this has never happened before! Interpreting your terror as reprocication, she smiled brightly.
"So… what's your quirk, if you don't mind me asking? Mine is quite obvious."
She said, brushing a tentacle, no, a vine over her shoulder. Even more interesting… You could learn a lot from eating her: why your quirk prefers live animals, maybe even how to branch into plantlife. Oh, she asked a question; your mind was blank from shock, you couldn't remember the 'public version' of your quirk. Jargon to the rescue!
"I have consummate bodily vigilance to at minimum a cellular level, which sanctions me to control its sundry processes, how it develops, and make changes to its underlying base code. Furthermore, it is additionally theoretically possible for me to consume-"
This wasn't working, which was almost comforting; she appeared to be following your overcomplicated sentence with genuine interest. Which was great - she could be friends with De-kun. However, she hadn't been vetted, and could just be a 'fan' of your dad, so it wasn't safe to let her know the limits of your quirk just yet.
"- Well, it's complicated, and... I don't think... there's enough time to go over it before the exam…?"
"No, no, it's fine. I had promised to meet up with a friend, so thank you for not getting carried away." She flashed another smile and scribbled something down on a piece of paper she'd pulled out of her bag. "You may call me on this number, if you would like to discuss our quirks again."
She handed it to you with a good luck and a wave, the crowd parting before her once more. You sighed in relief, and looked down at the note.
You didn't know how to read the looping handwriting. In fact, you were pretty sure you didn't even know how to use a phone. Where was Izuku when you needed him? Right, socialising through making physicists cry - find someone else to talk to for now.
---
This wasn't too bad; as long as he kept his distance, he could almost tolerate being around this many women. Oh, they may act friendly now, but let your guard down for just a moment… He blamed his older siblings, who had encouraged him to be so 'affectionate' towards women in the first place. If only they hadn't... he probably wouldn't have this claustrophobia. Or gynophobia. Or be scared of the dark, either. But that wouldn't matter anymore; the road to becoming a pro hero was a long and arduous one, which would beat out any weakness in him. He just wished that he hadn't arrived so early, though - all these people were making him twitchy, and he couldn't shake the feeling that something horrible was about to happen. Eh, it was probably nothing.
"Hello, small child, are you lost?"
He looked up.
It was behind him, looming over with a too-wide grin on it's face, too many teeth.
A bug writhed out of the gap in its torso, sticky with fresh blood.
Minoru Mineta started screaming.
---
You couldn't help but smile as you walked through the now open gates. That last chat went well - you got to meet up with an old friend, and you learned about a new quirk to research. That adhesive he'd used had some very interesting properties. De-kun was blushing furiously as he caught up with you.
"Kaede! Kaede, I-I-I talked. To a girl. I talked to a girl!!"
Okay? You didn't really know how to respond to that, so you just patted him on the shoulder with a confused smile, which seemed to satisfy him. Bael noticed, and peeked out from Izuku's mess of hair - you patted him too. In response to the noise of the crowd, your other friends decided to crawl out of your insides and observe the sheer number of people streaming past; you were worried someone might jostle your shoulder and dislodge them, but the crowd was considerate enough to give your group a wide berth. Such polite people... you hoped your real class would be as nice as this.
After being directed through a series of sparkling clean corridors, everyone filed into the auditorium. Disappointingly, the plush seats were not designed to accommodate for tails, so you copied the blonde guy a few rows back and perched on the back of your chair, to the annoyance of the student behind you. Bael claimed the seat to the right of De-kun. As your group waited for the hall to fill up, he recounted his first 'conversation' with a girl. Did it count as a conversation if only one person spoke? This warranted research.
"Um, Kaede, can I ask..? Are you nervous about all this too?"
"Yeah… what if I failed my exams? I'm so worried that everything I do today will all be for nothing…"
"That's not really what I meant." He smiled "Thank you, though."
"Why?"
"I think… focusing on stopping you from worrying takes up so much concentration that I can't afford to be nervous myself."
Aww… that was so sweet. You placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling.
"Kaede."
"Yes?"
"Please regrow your fingers."
Oh, yeah, forgot about that.
Time flew while you were [focusing], and your concentration was soon disrupted by the arrival of one of the staff to the stage. Immediately, Izuku started gushing about whichever one he was, and how all the teachers at UA were professional heroes. Wait, when did they find the time to pick up teaching licens-
"For all you examinees tuning in, welcome to today's show!"
LOUD. WHY WAS HE SO LOUD?
Urghh - every squeal of feedback was picked up and amplified by your ears. And his voice was so obnoxiously shrill. Screw it, you'll pick up the rules as you go, anything beats listening to this. You broke down the tiny hairs in your cochlea, which would normally translate sound vibrations into signals from your nerves to your brain; silence. The discount-Yomiel pranced around on stage for a bit, while you looked over your applicational sheet again, hoping you'd misread it the previous sixteen times. There were seven possible venues for the exam; each person would be assigned to a different 'battle center'. The problem was, Izuku was assigned to center B, while you had center A. While you didn't know what exactly the examinations would entail, the term 'battle center' was more than a little ominous… Hopefully Bael could keep De-kun safe - he'd declined taking any of your girls, for some reason. Which made no sense, considering how much they loved to hug him.
Hmm? Izuku was trying to get your attention by tapping your side. You reluctantly regrew your stereocilia to be greeted with an earful of angry megane:
"-ou even paying attention to the briefing? Furthermore, you are blocking the view for the students behind you - please sit properly!"
What was this guy's problem? It's not your fault that the school didn't properly cater to the tailed minority. Okay, you could have picked a seat at the back, but your tiny friends didn't have very good eyesight, so it was only fair to them.
"Er… no thanks..?"
That did not defuse things.
"W-what?! This is a serious exam that will affect the course of the rest of our lives; if everyone decided to flaunt the rules as you do, we would not even be able to hold this event! Could you please either treat this examination with the appropriate level of maturity, or leave?!
"But does it matter that much if I'm the only one doing it? You said it was only a problem if everyone did… Also, there are actually rules on how to sit? That wasn't included in the guidebook." At least, you didn't think so. Damn, you'd have to read it all over again so you wouldn't be caught out like this.
Glasses was making some kind of aggressive choking sound; Microphone Guy hurriedly tried to get back on track with his speech. You turned back to your reading. And your adorable friends.
---
As you waited to begin the exam, your thoughts took off on unusual tangents. The hero industry was really quite extravagant, wasn't it? Sure, there's homeless people on the street, but lets build seven miniature cities and fill them with giant robots. Well, at least it created jobs - and the revenue from the live broadcasts must be astronomical, considering how many people tuned in worldwide. UA liked to show off like that. Which, in your opinion, meant it was the best.
You couldn't see much from outside the walls of the compound, no killer robots yet, but the nerves were still getting to you. Maybe you should actually come up with some kind of strategy for this?
Main Action:
[ ] Find someone with good synergy with your quirk and team up.
[ ] Get to a high vantage point.
[ ] Just jump on a robot and go from there - planning is overrated and your middle name is Leeroy.
Additional Actions: Write-in
---
AN: If it seems like too short a time frame in which to have all those conversations, keep in mind that Izuku was just quietly screaming with excitement after talking to Ururaka for about ten minutes. It was his first time talking with another human his age in three years. Let him have this.
Welp, now you've made friends with a sentient pastry, a budding nightmare fetishist, somebody you accidentally scarred for life, way too many bugs, and plant girl who thinks you're interested in her. Good job!
And, just to be sure, nobody misses pervert Mineta, right?
Self Enhancements:
Toothy secondary mouth - looks good
Internal organ optimisation - who needs those things when you can have more stomach?
Kitty ears of intimidation - can hear a greater range of frequencies, can eavesdrop easier; have to manually account for air pressure changes
Tail, lightly armored - increased defenestration potential, does not like impact damage
Digitigrade legs - look good, keep breaking though, should probably do something about that
Venom sac - your friends just love giving you some! Now, what to do with it…
Tall - you are very tall for your age, laugh at the peasants beneath you
Air sacs - more efficient breathing, can hold breath/exercise longer, airborne toxins have greater effect
Pneumatic bones - less fragmentation, denser and stiffer than regular bones
Save data:
Japanese grass snek (partial, not useful for full creation, but at least it tells you how to make scales)
Neighbors' genocidal pet cat
Tortoise
Giant centipede
Deku Scrub
Huntsman spider
Rhinoceros Beetle
Jungle crow
Bullet ant
Friends:
Omu, Lindsey, Ankheg, Three Seven Eight, Tina, Jenney, Daigankai - clingy giant centipedes, much anger, much venom
Bael - big floofy huntsman spider
Deku Scrub - a rare lifeform composed entirely of cinnamon, will be very buff
Not crows - they hate you now
Horse with horns - you need those legs
Vine girl - she may be interpreting your advances the wrong way
Grape - suffering for the crimes of his alternate universe counterparts
Toothy secondary mouth - looks good
Internal organ optimisation - who needs those things when you can have more stomach?
Kitty ears of intimidation - can hear a greater range of frequencies, can eavesdrop easier; have to manually account for air pressure changes
Tail, lightly armored - increased defenestration potential, does not like impact damage
Digitigrade legs - look good, keep breaking though, should probably do something about that
Venom sac - your friends just love giving you some! Now, what to do with it…
Tall - you are very tall for your age, laugh at the peasants beneath you
Air sacs - more efficient breathing, can hold breath/exercise longer, airborne toxins have greater effect
Pneumatic bones - less fragmentation, denser and stiffer than regular bones
Save data:
Japanese grass snek (partial, not useful for full creation, but at least it tells you how to make scales)
Neighbors' genocidal pet cat
Tortoise
Giant centipede
Deku Scrub
Huntsman spider
Rhinoceros Beetle
Jungle crow
Bullet ant
Friends:
Omu, Lindsey, Ankheg, Three Seven Eight, Tina, Jenney, Daigankai - clingy giant centipedes, much anger, much venom
Bael - big floofy huntsman spider
Deku Scrub - a rare lifeform composed entirely of cinnamon, will be very buff
Not crows - they hate you now
Horse with horns - you need those legs
Vine girl - she may be interpreting your advances the wrong way
Grape - suffering for the crimes of his alternate universe counterparts
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