That's actually a notable background issue - most of human culture was IMO saved (the recordings/master tapes exist), but availability is another issue. Re-editions appear slowly and are not cheap. There is an Internet, but it's like early 2000s - definitely not broadband for civilians, even in advanced countries.
Again, it's... complicated in SCE's case. And I'm not sure this is the right place for discussing the matter. Suffice it to say that in the two decades following Second Impact, being caught listening to anything other than state propaganda was grounds for being summarily executed and the body dumped into the nearest gutter. Culture was strictly underground.
Again, it's... complicated in SCE's case. And I'm not sure this is the right place for discussing the matter. Suffice it to say that in the two decades following Second Impact, being caught listening to anything other than state propaganda was grounds for being summarily executed and the body dumped into the nearest gutter. Culture was strictly underground.
O-okay, this is a very different picture to what I usually have as background for years 2000-2015, and generally completely uncomparable.
I should get that "NGE world, 2000-2015" project underway, I got some geopolitics covered (some of it pilfered from A&T thread, some developed), now some culture ideas are growing. Well, in my spare time, I will <bitter laughter insert here>.
Quite so. To the point where Japan being part of an authoritarian world government (of which SEELE are the legitimate civilian leadership) who send people who criticize the state within earshot of a commissar to a gulag located on a high-gravity planet and falsely tell their families that they died so that no one will ever look for them is such an improvement compared to the post-Impact regime that only the most hardliner nationalist Japanese care that their own language has been demoted to an elective subject in school. Granted, Japanese culture isn't going away any time soon (Hikari has kanji calligraphy as an elective and Unit-00's AI structured her personality simulation as a kind and polite yamato nadeshiko) and the government have no intention of erasing anyone's culture, they just place an emphasis on "whatever your culture is, you were a human long before you were a member of that culture and Second Impact has shown us that there are greater things at stake than cultural dominance - namely, our very existence".
Just because I'm not having the characters suffering as openly and blatantly as in canon doesn't mean the world they live in isn't messed up behind the facade of prosperity.
Quite so. To the point where Japan being part of an authoritarian world government (of which SEELE are the legitimate civilian leadership) who send people who criticize the state within earshot of a commissar to a gulag located on a high-gravity planet and falsely tell their families that they died so that no one will ever look for them is such an improvement compared to the post-Impact regime that only the most hardliner nationalist Japanese care that their own language has been demoted to an elective subject in school. Granted, Japanese culture isn't going away any time soon (Hikari has kanji calligraphy as an elective and Unit-00's AI structured her personality simulation as a kind and polite yamato nadeshiko) and the government have no intention of erasing anyone's culture, they just place an emphasis on "whatever your culture is, you were a human long before you were a member of that culture and Second Impact has shown us that there are greater things at stake than cultural dominance - namely, our very existence".
Just because I'm not having the characters suffering as openly and blatantly as in canon doesn't mean the world they live in isn't messed up behind the facade of prosperity.
This is the chapter where the story gets a little bit more serious. If you had issues with themes that were in NGE canon, please read the following warnings (spoilered out as they do spoil the chapter to a minor degree).
This chapter may contain some mildly disturbing stuff; two major content warnings are:
mentions and descriptions of suicide by hanging
religious subtext and imaginery on the level of the canon series or slightly above it
Caveat lector.
Having said that, please enjoy reading about the most difficult day in the life of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu. Well, the most difficult so far.
Chapter 6., part 1. - Desolate lands
Darkness surrounded Kyoko on all sides and she was standing in knee-deep water. 'Well, I expected nothing else. Hello dark-'
She hesitated. 'No. Stop. First, get my bearings, before I start summoning monsters. If this is my psyche… I guess there is a lot to fix. Where do I start? And how do I start?'
She strained to see in the darkness. She could see with reasonable clarity as far as her outstretched arm, but looking around, she noticed some blurry shapes. She started to slowly walk in their direction; each step was an effort, she felt the mud underneath her feet grasping at her, slowing her down. 'Something is different here…'
She knew where she was, technically – it was Unit-02, de facto her own body – but, as she followed the vague directions from the description Ikari gave her regarding the journey she was undertaking, she likely entered it from some other direction – for lack of better word – or landed in the less frequented part of its consciousness. 'Or subconsciousness, judging from how uncivilised this is…'
She continued to scan the area and to force her senses to perceive something. She was sure she was close to some kind of- '-forest? It would be useful if I had some light, maybe a moon…'
A few more steps took her out of the water and onto a sandy shore. Cold air touched the soaked fabrics on her feet and made her shiver. She must have lost the shoes in the mud; in these conditions, she had no chance of finding them again. 'Not the greatest start for a journey…', she thought, looking down. 'Wait a moment…'
She could clearly see the ground and her feet. Raising her eyes, she could clearly make out a line of brambles, followed by a dark wall of trees. She blinked. 'It wasn't here a moment before…'
She raised her eyes skywards. A full moon was shining down on her and a clear image of the Milky Way was visible on the sky. She blinked once more.
"Ikari? Was that you? You didn't mention you could help me!" she called out into the darkness.
There was no response.
She sighed, wrung out the stockings and hung them on a nearby bush. 'I guess that's the best I can do to make them dry… and new shoes would be nice, too. Walking barefoot on a beach can be fun, but I don't think I can stay here. There was something about "gaining an entry"… and I don't think I entered anything yet… did I?'
She sighed and buried her feet in the cool sand. Pulling her stockings off and drying her feet as much as she could under the conditions improved her mood a little bit further, but she still did not feel too well about the whole endeavour.
She took a look around; behind her were the dark waters she climbed out from, in front of her, the brambles followed by the forest. On her sides, the moonlit beach stretched as far as the eye could see. Above her, a beautiful moon. At her feet, sand and some grass.
And a nice pair of trekking boots.
"What."
Kyoko reached for the stockings. They were dry and soft to the touch.
'I. Am. So. Stupid' she sighed with exasperation. 'This is my home. My mind. My domain.'
She quickly wiped the sand from her feet, put the stockings on and slid into the boots. Stretching, she looked around. 'Now, what I need now is something I can go through…'
She started walking along the shore, keeping her eyes open and expecting to see some way into the forest.
Her expectations were met several hundred steps down the beach. She found herself in front of something that would be a gate – if it was not made of gnarled, twisted, and growing-together trees. 'I don't know what I expected. Well, a gate, yes. But this is… odd.' She stared at the strangest construction that was some twenty metres away from her. 'And why is a part of it reflective?' she pondered, seeing her own silhouette between the contorted branches.
She took a few steps towards the gate and froze in place. The silhouette did not come closer.
Kyoko shivered when the horrible realisation filled her mind. She already knew what she was seeing; still, her conscious mind simply refused to accept it.
She raised her right hand. The thing she held for her reflection did not. Cold sweat covered her skin.
'Gods. She is here. She's… expecting me.'
The next step she took required a lot of willpower. Her other self responded with taking a step back.
'Is it… afraid of me?'
Kyoko took a deep breath and extended her hand. The silhouette seemed to hesitate; then it turned and ran, disappearing between the trees.
'At least I didn't get a black eye like the one Ikari got… on the other hand, this means I have to enter the black forest and chase her, right?'
She approached the gate, looking for something to pull at, press, or otherwise interact with, a control to open the passage. Nothing to that function could be found, though. It looked like a gate, it was built like one – even if the creator seemed to have been fascinated by works of H. R. Giger – but there was no apparent way to open it.
"Hm… Anyone home?" she tried, despite seeing the only person – for the lack of better word – on the other side run a moment ago. The silence was, obviously, the only response.
"Open sesame?" she tried again, without much hope – and with no result at all.
"Mellon?"
The gate remained unchanged.
'I don't know what I expected. At least nothing is crawling out from the waters behind me.'
As in response, a low murmur carried above the waves. Kyoko shivered.
'All right, let's skip the stupid thoughts. Let's focus.'
Kyoko touched the rough wood of the gate, sliding her fingers across the strange lines of branches, tracking the knots, touching the leaves. 'It's beautiful… but it's not the point, is it? I'm supposed to pass through it, to enter, likely even to chase my own… something… but I'm stopped by a figment of my imagination, a piece of my-'
The facepalm was audible; Kyoko felt the pain quite well, too. 'One day, I will learn… One day…'
She closed her eyes and imagined herself walking through the gate and into the forest. A loud creaking sound followed. Opening her eyes, she saw exactly what she expected: an arch, built in the same way the gate was, but no longer obstructing anything.
'Wasn't 'a door to the forest' a term for something pointless?' she pondered for a second. 'Well, definitely not here. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu… I'm coming for you!'
She stepped through the arch, taking steps on something that could pass for a forest path: narrow, barely visible in the darkness, filled with low branches and treacherous roots. A thought later, she held a machete in her hand.
'And I thought that discussing landscaping and garden work with Ikari was a frivolous waste of time…' she thought, raising the blade.
***
Yui Ikari was aimlessly wandering the corridors of the mansion of her mind. She knew she should be doing many different things: planning her next moves, thinking how to handle Gendo, expanding her knowledge on how Evangelions worked, and many, many other, actually useful things that could someday mean the difference between victory and defeat. But she could not bring herself to focus on anything substantial. Her mind kept returning to every word she said to her guest, to every instruction she gave to Soryu; she was looking for possible mistakes, making sure she made none, questioning her own memory, going back to the moment the woman that had become her companion in this hitherto-empty place vanish to undertake an uncertain, borderline insane quest. A quest she sent her to, without being sure it made sense, based on mystical tales she was taught as a child by a man who could very well be insane himself.
She actually caught herself biting her nails – a habit she thought she successfully defeated at a young age. But now, she had to force herself to keep her hands down. 'It would be kind of hilarious if my movements translated into movements of my other body… Doctor Akagi would most likely write a paper about "Compulsive Autocannibalism of Evangelion Units"… I wonder when will I cross an alert threshold with this anxiety. I feel like being quite close to it' she noted bitterly.
Nonetheless, her external senses told her that no one was watching; the Cages were empty, except for some maintenance crew doing their usual work before leaving after – judging by headcount – the night shift.
It suddenly changed. She heard firm steps rattling against railings surrounding her. Few technicians ever entered her dwelling proper unless they had to, and even then, they tended to tiptoe around, as if they were afraid they would wake her and she would eat them. Very few people dared to walk in a normal fashion here, let alone walk like they were home.
A familiar, expected figure strode into her field of sight.
"Good morning, my beloved. Have you slept well?"
***
Kyoko had to admit that hacking at the branches and see them give in had quite a therapeutic value – she no longer felt tense or worried. Unfortunately, she was also not much closer to achieving her goal. While she could not tell how much time has passed, as the moon only moved when she willed it to do so, she knew she has been wandering this place for a while already. A long while. And there was nothing in sight, except some shadows moving from time to time in the corner of her eye, gone long before she faced them.
She rested against a tree, driving the machete into the ground in one angry move.
'How can I face the whispers when they refuse to face me? Am I to hunt them down? Am I to lure them? Or maybe…'
She recalled Yui's words again. 'She said: "To keep walking is to face the whispers, to forge his own way". So… I am walking, but if I can't face them, let's try forging something.'
She took a long look around.
'Ikari has taught me to work with trees… well, after a fashion. Work with the surroundings. Let's hope I will not tear this place apart while trying to put in practice without her restrains placed on the environment.'
She closed her eyes and imagined the path wider than the narrow passage she had seen a moment before; she imagined the trees parted and the moon shining between the coronas. When she reopened them, the path widened a little bit, some trees moving aside. 'All right… that's a success, and I didn't open a chasm by accident, nor is there a dust storm' she smiled at the memory, now a fond recollection of time spent with Ikari. She took a deep breath, shaking the sentiment. This was not a time or place for it. 'Let's see how much better I can make this place…'
On the second attempt, the path widened again as far as her eye can see. Still, it was the same, branch-filled, root-covered forest path that made her feet ache despite solid boots on her feet.
She closed her eyes and focused. 'How is a path… no, "path" is wrong here, "path" is a chaotic passage through a chaotic forest. What would be orderly?' she pondered. 'A road? A cobbled one, perhaps?'
She smiled to herself. 'Why not make it pretty? I think I remember how I imagined one particular road…' she recalled an image from a childhood's book.
When she opened her eyes, Kyoko's smile turned into a satisfied grin. She saw a wide, even road covered in yellow brick. The moon was shining on it, making the stones gleam with unearthly beauty. "Perfect. Let's just hope nothing falls on my head and I kill no one by accident" she said out loud and took a few steps. The ground felt perfectly real, the cobblestones made walking far easier.
'Onwards, then… what was it that Ikari recited as next? There was something about making the shadows run or bow… well, they're running from me, but something is telling me it's not going exactly as it should.'
And I'm back. It's a little earlier than I initially planned, but this is a good scene breakpoint and I decided there is no point in sitting on a ready update. I intend to maintain the rough "one update every two weeks" tempo, although as I just started a big project at work, I apologize for potential slips in advance.
Hmm... Kyoko's mental landscape is nicely atmospheric and just as dark and foreboding as I expected. Lets hope she can keep her feet here. And I'm not all that surprised Gendo comes by to try talking to Yui. How often does he permit himself this weakness, though?
Not often, especially now. He doesn't like to be seen or heard doing that (for obvious reasons), and there has been a lot of activity around Evangelions recently, denying him the necessary privacy. And evacuating the Cages just to have a talk, while possible, would raise eyebrows.
I don't think Yui would be suffering a Draco in Leather Pants syndrome with Gendo She knew him, intimately, for a while already; not to mention, she was married to him. This usually kills the flames of romance if they are not fanned and taken care of... and both Yui and Gendo lacked time to do that. I think Shinji suffered minor version of abandonment issues before Yui's 'death'.
On an unrelated note, there's a question I feel I have to ask you all: I received a comment elsewhere that my stories - particularly What happened, daughter? - are too laden with technical jargon (the reader had issues with "brain throwing and catching exceptions" and "brain reboot" as too technical for an average reader). Can I have an opinion on that?
I don't think Yui would be suffering a Draco in Leather Pants syndrome with Gendo She knew him, intimately, for a while already; not to mention, she was married to him. This usually kills the flames of romance if they are not fanned and taken care of... and both Yui and Gendo lacked time to do that. I think Shinji suffered minor version of abandonment issues before Yui's 'death'.
On an unrelated note, there's a question I feel I have to ask you all: I received a comment elsewhere that my stories - particularly What happened, daughter? - are too laden with technical jargon (the reader had issues with "brain throwing and catching exceptions" and "brain reboot" as too technical for an average reader). Can I have an opinion on that?
I would disagree, considering Gendo's entire life was laser focused on 'get Yui back' and Yui actually attempted to tell Shinji to reconnect with his father. They pretty clearly loved one another, it was just that Gendo's treatment of Shinji was too much for her to accept.
Besides, that beard is irresistable and you know it.
As for your technical jargon question, a lot of the problem comes from the fact that English isn't your first language, and it leads to some overly-precise wording. Like in this paragraph here.
"Kyoko had to admit that hacking at the branches and see them give in had quite a therapeutic value – she no longer felt tense or worried. Unfortunately, she was also not much closer to achieving her goal. While she could not tell how much time has passed, as the moon only moved when she willed it to do so, she knew she has been wandering this place for a while already. A long while. And there was nothing in sight, except some shadows moving from time to time in the corner of her eye, gone long before she faced them."
There's a lot of cruft in here that constantly restates itself, or uses five words for precision when the passage would read better with a broad stroke of one word, Like So:
"Kyoko had to admit that hacking at the branches had made her feel better, but it hadn't gotten her anywhere. She didn't know how long she'd spent on it, as the moon only moved when she willed it to, but it must have been a while already. And there was nothing in sight, save some fleeting shadows in the corner of her eye, gone as soon as she noticed them."
I would disagree, considering Gendo's entire life was laser focused on 'get Yui back' and Yui actually attempted to tell Shinji to reconnect with his father. They pretty clearly loved one another, it was just that Gendo's treatment of Shinji was too much for her to accept.
Oh, I doubt not that they clearly loved one another (and for Gendo it is still present tense). Still, I think he was a common source of exasperation for her - and yes, his approach to Shinji is unacceptable to her. This is actually a theme that I intend to include in this story, and this scene is a part of that thread.
You just gave me an idea for a crackfic: "The day Gendo Ikari shaved his beard". It can be either a clusterfuck of catastrophies coming from him losing all his charisma, or a retelling of NGE with a few minor lines when characters comment on the change and then move on.
As for your technical jargon question, a lot of the problem comes from the fact that English isn't your first language, and it leads to some overly-precise wording. Like in this paragraph here.
"Kyoko had to admit that hacking at the branches and see them give in had quite a therapeutic value – she no longer felt tense or worried. Unfortunately, she was also not much closer to achieving her goal. While she could not tell how much time has passed, as the moon only moved when she willed it to do so, she knew she has been wandering this place for a while already. A long while. And there was nothing in sight, except some shadows moving from time to time in the corner of her eye, gone long before she faced them."
There's a lot of cruft in here that constantly restates itself, or uses five words for precision when the passage would read better with a broad stroke of one word, Like So:
"Kyoko had to admit that hacking at the branches had made her feel better, but it hadn't gotten her anywhere. She didn't know how long she'd spent on it, as the moon only moved when she willed it to, but it must have been a while already. And there was nothing in sight, save some fleeting shadows in the corner of her eye, gone as soon as she noticed them."
Thank you for your input. I am aware of the issue you described, just never considered it a serious flaw; I guess it comes my assumption that it is better to overstate than to leave the reader in the dark; I blame my technical background where a failure to get the point across usually causes trouble.
You just gave me an idea for a crackfic: "The day Gendo Ikari shaved his beard". It can be either a clusterfuck of catastrophies coming from him losing all his charisma, or a retelling of NGE with a few minor lines when characters comment on the change and then move on.
"Shinji is not so different from his father" is a motive that appears quite often in NGE fanfiction. Usually in regard to mentality and character, yes, as Shinji is 14 and Gendo is 35-ish, and it'd be difficult to mix them up... but I can imagine a story (set in 2021?) where a 20yo Shinji is trying to impersonate his 40yo father.
In the fanfic Taking Sights Gendo decided to shave off his beard... Shinji wasn't very happy due how much they looked alike he really took it poorly.:lol
But there's the confirmation. Shaved Gendo's would look quite like slightly aged Shinji.
On somehow related note, this goes to notes on my next project (the NGE AU where Lilith landed... elsewhere): "the day [Gendo's equivalent] made a bet on his mustache".
This chapter may contain some mildly disturbing stuff; two major content warnings are:
mentions and descriptions of suicide by hanging
religious subtext and imaginery on the level of the canon series or slightly above it
Caveat lector.
================================================================ Chapter 6., part 2. - Desolate lands
The road curved and meandered through the forest. Kyoko followed it slowly, paying attention to the surrounding forest and expecting to see something. Soon enough she was proven right – a movement appeared in the corner of her eye. She stopped and turned slowly.
A child – looking just like her Asuka did when she was three or four, down to the ribbons in her hair – was sitting between the trees. The child had a scraped knee and was holding it tight while crying silently. She took a step closer.
"Hello", she wanted to say but realised she said something else: "What happened, Asuka?"
She shook her head. "What happened, dear?" she repeated without thinking and approached her daughter. The girl raised her head and revealed little Asuka's face.
Suddenly, Kyoko remembered the scene. 'It was when she tried to climb the tree in the park, following some other kid – and fell. It was my afternoon off, and I took her for a walk…'
She let the memory flow: touching Asuka's face gently, kneeling next to her, kissing the knee to make better. Holding her for a long moment and then releasing her only to watch her try the climb again – and succeeding this time. 'I remember… I wanted to stop her, but I didn't. She… she had to do it again. A scraped knee would not stop her, after all. She was always ambitious, stubborn, persistent…'
Kyoko blinked. Suddenly, she was no longer kneeling and watching Asuka on a tree; she was in the middle of the road again, and the image was gone. A child's laughter made her look back; the image was there, on the road. It looked… right.
Her brow furrowed. 'I really wish subconsciousness came with a user's manual. What am I supposed to do next? Keep walking?' she sighed. 'Well, definitely not turn back.'
With a sigh, she resumed her journey along the yellow road. Soon enough, another movement captured her attention. Unsurprisingly to her, it was Asuka again. A little bit older than before, dressed in her best dress, standing over her… and crying. Once more, she let the memory flow.
She felt the touch of sheets on her skin, the rough texture of a hospital gown. She heard an unpleasant wail close to her. She sensed the touch of Asuka's hair on her cheek-
A look down confirmed something resembling hair touched her cheek. But this was not Asuka – it was a doll, a simple doll with blue buttons for eyes and red wool for hair. But it was Asuka.
'I don't- I don't remember that' she realised with dread creeping up her mind. 'This is… not mine.'
The childish wail continued. She looked up again and focused on the face of the strange girl. This could not be her daughter. Her daughter was a good little girl, not this loud… thing.
Someone approached the strange girl and took her away; a nurse?
A stab of vicious anger hit her on that thought. She shook her head-
And she was standing on the brick road again. 'Definitely not mine. Is it from my… other self?'
She took a deep breath and turned around. The image was still there, a mirage hanging over the road. She focused and put it slightly to the left, mentally tagging it as separate.
Turning again to walk the road, she noticed several other figures between the trees, both close and further down the road.
'Am I actually taking a trip down the memory lane? Well, Ikari said: "Once the reflections of the Spheres are in order"… so let's put them in order.'
She approached the next memory; this time the central figure has been her husband. He was sitting next to her on the couch in their home, his expression annoyed. The tension in the air was almost palpable. 'Let me guess – this is one of the "we need to talk" moments. Well, nobody promised this whole journey was going to be pleasant…'
***
Yui Ikari took a seat on a couch in her living room. Using her external senses always required some concentration, and she did not want to wander into a wall while listening to Gendo's monologue. Having ensured her well-being in the mindscape, she turned her attention to her external senses – but not before fashioning herself a bowl of nuts to snack on.
He was pacing back and forth on the bridge connecting two walls of the Cage at the level of Unit-01's equivalent of the collarbone. This put him in a perfect range of sight and hearing for Yui.
"I am lost, my love" he finally spoke in a pained voice. "It had never been easy without you, and you know that well. But it is getting harder." He paused, then continued, his voice hardening. "People that I thought I can rely on stopped being reliable, the enemies encroach on all fronts… and even our son cannot understand me", he sighed heavily. 'That's something new… he complained about Shinji before, but never about his underlings… I wonder what happened', Yui smiled to herself.
"I started this project full of hope, with our goals in mind. I know how much you sacrificed, I know how important all this is for you… and I never wavered, not even in the face of suffering or death", he started pacing across the bridge. 'Of course you did not waver, you bastard. It was never your suffering or death, was it?'
Her memories surfaced: Shinji screaming in agony when they were facing the first Angel, Shinji's pain when he was putting a blade in Core of the second one. Yui did not care much for her own pain; this body felt it differently, more like information and source of anger than a debilitating shock. But she was quite well aware what Shinji felt when Unit-01 arm was torn off and when her body was electrocuted.
She shook it off. Gendo's words were making her angry, but it was not a good time to be angry. It was a good time to listen.
"…but now they begin to fail me. Our son is nothing but a disgrace, unable to act like a man. The German pilot is a loose cannon. Rei is the only one that actually obeys and perhaps even understands."
'Rei… that is a name that he mentioned earlier. Likely of the girl I remember seeing from time to time. Does he consider her his daughter? This is something I must learn more of, but how?'
"And now, even the scientists start to fail. I don't know what to do, my beloved. I wish you were here with me, hand in hand. I long for your guidance, for your words of wisdom, for your touch, even for the dances we shared…" Gendo Ikari hid his face in his hands.
Inside Evangelion Unit-01, Yui Ikari was caught in a bout of helpless laughter, her anger from a moment ago forgotten. 'Gods, I could count on my one hand how often we actually danced… on the other hand, I would need a computer to estimate how often you rejected my suggestions on important matters. Gods, this is rich.'
She drew a ragged breath, trying to calm herself. She knew it from his previous monologues, but she tried not to think about it too much: but this man clearly seemed to love an image of her, not the actual Yui Ikari.
"I wish you were here with me, my beloved Yui. I wish you could hear me…"
"Be careful what you wish for, Gendo, dear…" she whispered to herself in the safety of her mindscape. "For you may receive exactly that, and then you will weep bitter tears."
***
Kyoko looked back and beheld a dozen memories: most in the centre of the road, some on the left. She looked ahead and counted at least a dozen more. She sighed. 'It feels like cleaning out an old attic… I just hope it's worth it.'
The next image was odd; it was one of older Asuka, dressed in her plugsuit; someone else was in front of her. She focused on the stranger; they wore the same red plugsuit, but with a definitely less feminine figure. 'Is that- yes, Ikari's boy!'
They were arguing, of course, but they were also sitting close together. A quick glance told her they were surrounded by water – and facing something large. 'This is definitely one of mine. My – and her, obviously – first real fight, perhaps? One that happened before Ikari gave me my consciousness back, of course…'
That memory took a moment to process; it was no more emotional than the other ones, but it certainly was more vivid than most previous ones. Kyoko moved it to the right; 'The first one that is just mine, I guess…' she thought. A single random thought and several moments of focus later, the memories were in chronological order. 'I don't think it matters, but it's more orderly that was. Although anything past my… separation is a guess, anyway.'
With yet another sigh, she turned to walk forward and took another step.
Her husband at her bedside; this memory was definitely coming from her other self. His clenched jaw suggested he was angry, but when the nurse called him from the door, he smiled and walked towards her. 'This is… odd' Kyoko frowned. 'I don't remember that woman, but she is quite prominent in the memories from my other self. And I don't like his reaction' she noted while filing the memory. 'I guess I'll have a lot of questions to ask when she is ready, or at least able, to talk to me.'
With that thought, she approached the next memory: a family picnic.
***
Gendo's pacing was increasing in tempo, along with his voice losing its usual coldness. "I am sure you would understand the gravity of the situation, I know you'd understand the decisions I made… and I know you'd support me. Everything would be different if you were at my side; but even when you are not, I still make every decision with you in mind. But if you were here, we would work perfectly together, mind and soul…"
Yui gritted her teeth. She knew he was not provoking her intentionally, she was quite sure he was not even aware she was conscious. Still, it took a notable portion of her will to avoid activating 'accidentally', berserking, breaking through the containment measures, and smacking some reason into her widowed husband's skull. Finally, she decided it would be both irresponsible and undignified. It would also endanger her main plan.
Still, she had to admit that he was at least partially right: they were a good team back then. They were both engrossed in their respective work, they understood each other, they were quite in love, and even the sex – when there was time for it, of course – was quite good. For the first time in a long while, she realised that she actually missed Gendo.
She shook herself out of that thought; thinking like this was detrimental to her goals. This was no longer the man she married; he had clearly changed: he abandoned their son, and he used him without properly instructing him, made him suffer for no good reason. Even a tinge of attraction towards Gendo would be inappropriate now.
Still, some things were hard to forget.
Both the monologue and her reverie were stopped abruptly with an entrance of someone else; Yui recognised him as Sei Kashiwagi, one of the low-rank technicians that worked in the Cages. Gendo stared at him in a manner that would cause panic in most people – and it certainly caused panic in the poor man.
"There is no scheduled inspection here, technician… Kashiwagi" he addressed the man after only a second of thought. Yui realised he had to remember him, as they were far too far apart for Gendo to read the name from the uniform.
"N-n-no, sir, but t-t-there were some a-a-anomalous re-readings a-" the technician started to explain himself, ready to run at the slightest movement.
"Report them to doctor Akagi immediately and do not return here. Dismissed", Gendo ordered in a curt manner.
"Y-yes sir" the technician hid behind the door with astounding speed.
Gendo sighed. "At least some people are competent here. You see the problem, my beloved Yui… for all I know, he could've been here to spy on me on Akagi's behalf. Enemies everywhere… only the old professor is still faithful, as he had always been, devoid of any ambition, deeply invested in the cause of humanity."
He looked at his watch, stopped, sighed, and turned to face Unit-01.
"Goodbye, my beloved. I must go; it's time to restore order in this nest of vipers. Until we meet" he took his bow – deep and reverent. His face expressed nothing but sincere devotion.
Yui felt a chill running down her spine. 'He's changing. And not for the better' she realised, confirming her previous doubts. 'The question is: can I stay ahead of him?'
...and so much for "update every two weeks". Taking a dive in Kyoko's soul has proven difficult, and real life is getting in the way of writing regularly. Still, the story continues - stay tuned.
I never got the feeling Gendo felt that way Shinji as I saw it more to be "I really don't understand the boy why does he complain about his situation." Gendo can't empathize with Shinji... Because he is completely insane.
I never got the feeling Gendo felt that way Shinji as I saw it more to be "I really don't understand the boy why does he complain about his situation." Gendo can't empathize with Shinji... Because he is completely insane.
IMO his lack of empathy towards Shinji may very well translate into "I don't get him, he doesn't measure to my standards" => "he's not like I expect him to be" => "he is a disgrace, unable to act like a man (I expect him to be)". Besides, this is a private moment (and we don't see many of those from him in canon) and he is rambling.
And keep in mind that the story has already departed from canon a bit - he is a little less stable than he was in canon at this point.
And yes, everyone wishes their brain had a manual.
it's an oddly disconcerting thought that gendo is in love with a dream and not the actual person he was married to. But then again, that might be why Yui never told him what she was about to do with the contact experiment.
She knew him, intimately, for a while already; not to mention, she was married to him. This usually kills the flames of romance if they are not fanned and taken care of... and both Yui and Gendo lacked time to do that. I think Shinji suffered minor version of abandonment issues before Yui's 'death'.
