This is what she's (not yet desperately) trying to do. I guess this whole journey should have a disclaimer "consult your psychiatrist before embarking"... but it came from tales sanctioned by a cult that likely belongs, entirely, in a psychiatric facility (at best). Moreover, it is a common axiom in psychotherapy that attempts at self-diagnosis and self-psychotherapy are tricky at best, dangerous in most cases, and dooming at worst. On the other hand, it's not that Kyoko can ask a therapist for help. On the third hand, most people with issues don't get to literally walk their subconscious mind and confront their problems. On the fourth hand, it is not necessarily the safest way. On the fifth...
OK, let's face it: Kyoko has a difficult task in front of her, but she has to do it if she wants to get better.
it's an oddly disconcerting thought that gendo is in love with a dream and not the actual person he was married to. But then again, that might be why Yui never told him what she was about to do with the contact experiment.
The whole Evangelion story is (or is at least often interpreted as being) about failing to communicate. Most fics (usually fix-fics) remove at least one of the failure points and go from there (some add more, in an attempt to go darker). It is quite likely that Yui assumed she told Gendo enough and he'll figure out the rest (and get over her, in time). Obviously, she was wrong.
In my head, it's something like 'Yui expected Gendo to look after Shinji, they'd mourn but recover and move on, and together they'd either prevent SEELE's Third Impact or at the very least make it happen with a far more positive outcome.'
Yui expected Gendo to look after Shinji, they'd mourn but recover and move on, and together they'd either prevent SEELE's Third Impact or at the very least make it happen with a far more positive outcome.
That's about right from my point of view on canon, and I think it would be the most logical expectation - no matter what her motives for becoming Unit-01 in the first place were, Gendo was supposed to take care of their son and carry the torch for the organization (preferrably in that order).
It's actually hard to put the full blame on any of them - Gendo clearly misunderstood Yui's expectations, but it is unknown (canonically) whether they ever talked about it or whether Yui left any note or goodbye-letter. A lot indicated that neither happened, either because of paranoia (after all, it is likely she knew about SEELE and had reasons to fear them) or misjudgement of Gendo's own motivations and values (after all, she loved him and that might've skewed her judgement to overestimate his abilities and misjudge his values - the rose-tinted glasses effect).
At the very least, Yui seems to have badly overestimated Gendo's ability to function without her there. Which does speak to at least some degree of miss- or absent communication.
At the very least, Yui seems to have badly overestimated Gendo's ability to function without her there. Which does speak to at least some degree of miss- or absent communication.
That's for sure, but to her justification, he was (and remains) not the most open man to read. And I don't think she was very good with people - functional, capable, yes, but not very good at reading them (at least I write her so - the source material is... limited).
On a related note, the next part I had ready requires some rewrite after I realized I messed up the perspective and internal logic a bit too much to my taste - and is coming no sooner than next weekend.
On an unrelated note, I just beat my record on writing fanfiction in an odd way: I wrote a complete ending just after planning the basic timeline and before I even had a proper beginning. There's a neat expression in my language for that: "zacząć od dupy strony", which is roughly translated to "start from the ass". Which also means that instead of having two fanfics in the works (Two Souls included) and three more planned (2x NGE and 1x odd crossover) now I have four planned. And not a single hour more in any given week. I guess it's high time to get off the forum and back to writing
Kyoko Soryu is leaving the forest and returning to semblance of civilization. Note: the content warning is updated as deeper issues of both Kyokos are emerging.
This chapter may contain some more disturbing stuff; major content warnings are:
mentions and descriptions of suicide by hanging
mentions of sexual assault
religious subtext and imaginery on the level of the canon series or slightly above it
Kyoko Soryu was facing the last two scenes from a long cavalcade of images. A doll, hanging from the ceiling next to her, and the sight of herself putting her head through a noose. Definitely not something from her own memories; this one went to the left as well. And the sight of her own body in the Core, seen from a perspective of someone who just gained the ability to see things from point of view of Unit-02 Core; this one went to the right.
The respective ends of their existence, and a new beginning for her. She was not sure now her counterpart began her afterlife, but this was likely to become clear in time.
She sighed.
'Life always ends in death, but in my case, death was only the beginning. If Ikari and I ever emerge from this sane enough to communicate, psychologists will have a field day with us. And let's not mention what theologists and prophets will make of it… if we are ever allowed to talk, that is.'
She glanced at the final images. A question how the other one managed to become part of Unit-02 Core after dying somewhere else would have to wait. Kyoko took the next step-
-and stopped dead in her tracks. A high fence was rising across the brick road, barring the passage and extending into the forest on both sides. Of course, it was not here a step ago.
She understood the logic of this realm: she knew there was no point in trying to walk around it or climb it. It was a representation of something, an obstacle to overcome, a puzzle to solve – not something to circumnavigate or to run away from. It was something to face. She sighed again. 'Another problem, another difficulty… is it my psyche playing with me, or some strange God is putting me on trial? Or maybe both?'
She started to investigate the new barrier. The fence – bordering on a wall in its size – was made of black iron, each bar was thick as Kyoko's two fingers. The bars were not only that – they were interwoven in a complex fractal pattern she stopped investigating as soon as she realised it was making her dizzy.
Instead, she focused on the three distinct sculptures that were prominent in the part that was standing across the road. Each of them was made with intricate details, each of them different, each of them disturbing in its own manner, and each of them revealed new facets and insights when beholden from different angles.
Kyoko investigated all of them, trying not to look too much on the details; her restraint did not help much though: the details were forcing their way into her brain.
The first one was a depiction of an old, haggard man. His raggedy, mismatched clothing was in tatters, his shoes were in pieces, tied with rags and string; his hair and beard were grey, long, dirty, and unkept. He was sitting with his back against a brick wall, his face expressing nothing except despair and showing his advanced age – or ruin inflicted on him by his suffering. Depends on the angle of view, the man looked broken but alive – or dead and decomposing. There was an odd angle where the two images interposed, and the man looked like he was rotting while still alive.
The second one contained multiple people contorted in various ways, in different stages of undress, engaging in various sexual acts. They ranged from masturbation, to simple – if elaborate in its choice of position – coitus, to ménage-a-trois and larger configurations, to a full-fledged orgy. Most participants looked content in their throes of passion, but many seemed distressed or even suffering. Beholding the sculpture from different angles revealed just another scene, just another act. The only thing they had in common – aside from their explicitness – was their awkwardness: they all looked posed, as they were a pornographic photoshoot.
The third one was depicting something nearly opposite of the first one: a middle-aged, handsome man in a perfectly tailored suit, with an equally perfect face. He would be a perfect depiction of a man of success, if not for the fact that his smile looked extremely false. This one changed in subtler manners: the smile shifted, sometimes an envelope in the pocket was visible, sometimes a knife in his hand could be seen.
Willing or not, she began to understand.
'Let me guess, I'm supposed to go through this in some way? She touched the bars between the sculptures, not daring to interact with the sculptures themselves yet; the metal was rough, but warm to the touch. 'What lies beneath?'
She took a step back and looked at all the sculptures together from some distance. Their meaning clicked in her mind one after one. Ikari's voice rang in her mind: 'Once the reflections of the Spheres are in order, the seeker must choose one of the roads to follow: be it corrosion, deceit, or obscenity. Once the choice is made, be it by seeker's free will or by his own personal demons, the force chosen must be confronted on its own terms.'
"Which one of you" she shuddered "beauties am I to choose? I guess I had to face some of everything you represent… perhaps except obscenity, unless you count those few good times with my husband" she smiled a crooked smile. "And I guess deceit is not exactly right, either, after all, white lies and lies we tell children are not exactly lies. Corrosion makes more sense, it's not that my marriage was-"
She stopped her monologue abruptly. A familiar figure, dressed in something resembling a worn lab coat and with the neck at an odd angle, was standing behind the fence. It has been no more than five metres away from her, but the gate obscured its features: the face remained hidden. Still, Kyoko knew perfectly what and who it was. There was no alternative, this was the apparition as solid as her own body here.
"Hello, me. Have you come to help me choose?"
The figure nodded jerkily. Kyoko tried hard to ignore her impression on how unnatural this move looked.
"So… which one you think is right? Or… or wrong enough to require resolution?"
The apparition approached the fence and stuck its clawed fingers into it, grasping the neck of the fourth sculpture – the main in a suit.
"Deceit?" Kyoko asked, her voice surprised. "I guess you lived a little bit longer than I have, right?" she smiled to her dark half. "Deceit it is, then."
She stepped closer. Her reflection-not-reflection responded by detaching herself from the wall and taking a jerky step back. Kyoko sighed. "A long road ahead of us?"
Not certain what to do, as there were neither levers nor buttons, she placed her hand on the sculpture's chest and silently wished it to give way. The sculpture split in half in response, opening as it was a small gate. Behind it was a smaller path paved with yellow brick leading along waist-high, well-kept shrubbery.
A familiar figure was standing several hundred metres away, close to some large, old-style building. She seemed to beckon Kyoko. She took one last look at the forest of memories and reflections and stepped through the opened sculpture. There was a loud, metallic slam behind her.
She was standing in a simple, tidy garden, under a late afternoon sky. A familiar path was before her, leading to a XIX-century style building. It was one of those mansions that were too new to be considered historical by European standards and thus were adapted to practical use with respect to their external appearance – but not to the interior.
"Where have you led me? And why?" she whispered, not certain whether her other self can hear her. "A hotel, perhaps? But why? A museum? Are you talking to me via allegories?"
She noticed several people in the nearby lawn, tended to by people in white uniforms. The realisation struck her. A hospital.
"This is where you ended up, isn't it?" she whispered. "But where is the deceit in that?" She paused. "Were you tricked to remain here, forced to be here? Is this something about 'righting old wrongs'?"
The apparition, even if it heard her from the distance, did not answer. Instead, it turned and disappeared behind the corner with a step too large to be possible for a human.
Kyoko sighed and followed her on the path. 'Well, I am about to find out…'
***
The corridors were long and so narrow that two people could barely pass each other. The surrounding walls were covered in white tiles to about her arm's height and painted white above; they were punctuated with heavy wooden doors, all of them closed. The floor she was treading on was made of wood as well – possibly even coming from the original décor – and polished. The familiar smell of cheap disinfectant permeated the air, making Kyoko's want to sneeze; the sounds were distant and muffled. For some reason Kyoko could not fathom, there was a bitter taste in her mouth.
'As unpleasant as possible, I guess, while still remaining a mundane, plausible place. Is this an actual hospital, or is it just my imagination being told "picture a hospital in an old building and make it creepy"?'
The musings suddenly stopped when she noticed a familiar figure at the end of the corridor; despite being unable to make out the face, she instinctively knew who this was; she was becoming adept in recognising herself. Kyoko shivered; the apparition was backlit by a window, making it more a shadow or a silhouette than actual figure – but something about it felt odd: the head was heavily tilted and the arms, instead of resting on the sides, were contorted in odd angles. 'Gott, was-'
With a sudden, jerky turn, the figure walked through one of the doors, adding to the uncanniness with a way of walking that would be in place for someone unable to bend their knees. 'Someone stiff. A corpse. Gott, she is getting worse with every sighting… or she just lets me closer and I see it-her-me- damn it, why is the subconscious mind so complicated?'
She took a deep breath but found herself unable to hold it; the disinfectant permeating the air made her cough.
'If this is my mind creating it, I'll be very annoyed with myself. If it's… her… I'll have to have a word with… her… myself… afterwards.'
She sighed, this time in a careful, shallow way. 'It'll not solve itself. Keep going, Soryu; you didn't expect a darker part of your soul to be fluffy and cuddly, did you? Even you are not, after all', she chuckled.
With that thought brightening her mind, she reached the door with an unremarkable '415' displayed as the only description. 'Let me guess – enter and see?' She touched the door handle; it was surprisingly cold, in contrast to the warm air surrounding her. The door yielded, but on an odd way; she did not pass through them but instead just found herself on the other side.
Behind them was a typical small hospital room, spartan in its appearance, with a single bed, a chair, an IV stand, a cabinet, and not much else. On the bed was a woman; Kyoko knew perfectly who she was, but if not for that, she would not recognise herself: the red hair lost their lustre and were cropped shorter than she ever wore them; while not emaciated, the woman was far leaner than Kyoko ever was. And her eyes were the worst: sunken, empty, staring through the window without a sign of cognisant though. A bird was dancing on the windowsill; she was ignoring it. Kyoko shivered once more. 'I… Well, at least I- she is not in pain. But what may be going through her head…'
"So you ended up in a hospital. But why did you bring me here? How am I supposed to understand deceit here?" Kyoko asked aloud.
The woman on the bed picked something up; it was a simple doll with blue buttons for eyes and hair made of red wool, the same she saw it in the memories – it was hanging from the ceiling in the last image of her other self's life.
The woman started to stroke the doll's head tenderly; she was whispering something to her; Kyoko leaned to listen in.
"Asuka… my dear Asuka…"
Kyoko's eyes widened and a shiver went down her spine.
'I believe I've never seen a more literal case of "losing my mind"…' she thought, unable to avert her eyes from the worrying sight. 'I really came out on the wrong side of the mirror…'
The story continues, and Kyoko learns more about the history of her other part. It is likely that I will update again somewhere in the middle of the next week - it's mostly written, but needs some polishing, and I lack time for that at the moment.
'As unpleasant as possible, I guess, while still remaining a mundane, plausible place. Is this an actual hospital, or is it just my imagination being told "picture a hospital in an old building and make it creepy"?'
She would've been greeted with either "Venus in Furs" or "Remember Depravity and the Orgies of Rome"/"Tango for the Concession of the Suspender Princess", I would imagine....
It is going to get a little bit worse; we all know that the other Kyoko's life was not good after her incident. And the journey is not over yet; this is shaping as - again - the longest chapter (written content, including the chapter conclusion, random scenes, and already published material is at 10k words - and its far from enough to tell that particular part yet).
Watsonian: there was quite little reason to do so, as sexuality, while present in her life, was neither dominant nor destructive a force for her. Doylist: it's not this kind of fanfiction
She would've been greeted with either "Venus in Furs" or "Remember Depravity and the Orgies of Rome"/"Tango for the Concession of the Suspender Princess", I would imagine....
Indeed, literature and media have plethora of sources to choose from, some better, some worse. And while I have no issue with writing explicit stuff, I'm keeping this particular story on Mature level (going by AO3 G/T/M/E ratings) - it suits the theme better.
Watsonian: there was quite little reason to do so, as sexuality, while present in her life, was neither dominant nor destructive a force for her. Doylist: it's not this kind of fanfiction
Misato looked over at her young charge. "Eh? You alright there, Asuka?"
"I... I just felt a disturbance in the Force. As if some great WTF had passed by, and just missed hurting our brains."
Misato's eyes narrowed, and she looked suspiciously at her shelf of bottles. "Asuka, you haven't been sneaking drinks out of my stock again, have you?"
Misato looked over at her young charge. "Eh? You alright there, Asuka?"
"I... I just felt a disturbance in the Force. As if some great WTF had passed by, and just missed hurting our brains."
Misato's eyes narrowed, and she looked suspiciously at her shelf of bottles. "Asuka, you haven't been sneaking drinks out of my stock again, have you?"
"I would have, if what I thought of had actually hit us."
On an unrelated note, I just spend two whole days planning and discussing the story; aside having chapter 7. planned and next five (or six, depends) sketched, I noticed a rather serious error in the previous part: there should be only three sculptures, not four, for Kyoko to chose from. There is no path to Dispute from her then-current location. As this influences just a few sentences and changes very little in the matter of her choices, I am fixing it and at the same time offering a profound apology for this rather stupid mistake in research. I hate retcons, but this is minor enough to be the lesser evil.
Kyoko stood over the bed of her past other self. Suddenly, she realised they were not alone: a man was sitting in the chair and a nurse was standing over him; it was also dark outside. A little girl – little Asuka, she realised – was standing next to the bed. This change was abrupt: Kyoko felt disoriented, then she felt a tinge of panic that quickly subsided when she realised no one was paying attention to her.
Asuka reached to take the woman's hand; she quickly moved it away and stared at her angrily. The man sighed heavily.
"She is always like that, Mr. Langley", the nurse commented in a concerned voice. "She doesn't respond to anyone, really; the doctor was hoping she'd respond better to seeing her daughter again… apparently, this didn't work. I don't think she even recognises her."
"She is not going to burst out, correct?" he spoke up, absentmindedly. "We can leave Asuka here for a moment, let her try?"
The nurse nodded. "She is no longer aggressive; she had episodes in the past, but we adjusted the medication."
"Asuka, stay here with mama, all right?" he requested. "I must talk with the doctors" he explained, raising from the chair.
Asuka nodded reluctantly, eyeing her mother; both adults left quickly, ignoring her discomfort. The little girl slipped on the chair with some effort and turned her attention to the woman: "Mama… Ich weiß das du mich hörst. Warum schaust du mich nicht an?"
The woman looked at her hatefully. "Ich bin nicht deine Mama, Mädchen." She reached for the doll with a sudden motion, hugged it tightly, and turned her back to Asuka.
Asuka looked shocked for a moment, then she slowly turned to Kyoko who was watching the scene with growing anger. "Sie ist immer so… Warum ist sie immer so?"
"Mama… Ich weiß das du mich hörst. Warum schaust du mich nicht an?" => "Mum, I know you can hear me. Why don't you look at me?"
"Ich bin nicht deine Mama, Mädchen." => "I'm not your mum, girl."
"Sie ist immer so… Warum ist sie immer so?" => "She's always like this... why is she always like this?"
Kyoko blinked. As she understood how this mindscape worked, she was a ghost here; a spectator without flesh. She was witnessing the scene silently, knowing this and fighting her urge to hug little Asuka: it would be pointless. But now… now her daughter addressed her directly.
Reluctantly, she took a step forward and laid her hand on Asuka's arm. The girl looked up at her, just as she always did in their past. Without further thinking, she knelt down to hug her. Asuka returned the embrace fiercely; her silent tears turned to sobs, then to full cry. Kyoko just kept holding her, not hiding her own tears.
There were some voices coming from behind the wall; Kyoko recognised the man's voice as her husband; the female remained unfamiliar, although it could be one of the nurses or a doctor. She could not make out the words; Asuka's weeping drowned them out.
They remained like that for a long time.
***
After Gendo was gone, Yui Ikari's introspective mood remained for a while. To the conclusion that the man has changed, she had to add a realisation that she was still not sure what to think of him. 'As if I didn't have enough emotional turmoil…'
She sighed with exasperation. The only thing she could do was to return to her anxiety-laden wanderings across the mindscape she fashioned for herself. There was not much she could busy herself with, perhaps except building something new. She had built this place not to require maintenance, so there was preciously little mindless work to do. 'Except… of course, I should check on them.'
She rushed out faster than it was appropriate for a staid matron she posed as. But it did not matter much: nobody was around to be scandalised by this impropriety.
***
Kyoko realised she was sitting in the chair next to her old self's bed. Asuka was sitting on her knees – and sleeping. This was an odd feeling: holding her again as a four-year-old, in the dreamscape of her own subconsciousness. But she did not care – she acted on reflex: her daughter was crying, so she rushed to comfort her. It did not matter nothing of this was real; it was real to her, and the reflexes of the mother remained strong as ever.
It took her a moment to realise that something was wrong. There were no voices on the other side of the wall anymore; something else replaced them. For a second, she thought it was some call for help, then a blush crept up her face as she recognised them.
'Was zur–'
She carefully rose, equally carefully untangled little Asuka from her person and sat her on the chair; luckily, she did not wake up. On the other hand, Kyoko on the bed was clearly awake and covering her ears so hard that she was driving her nails into her scalp; her expression was full of pain and her empty eyes were dripping tears.
Kyoko shook that off; it was easy to guess what was happening, but she had to see it herself. She stepped out of the room; in seconds, she was standing in the front of the nurses' room door. A second later, she was inside; her mind ignored the fact she did not exactly have to open the door – it had more important things to note.
She knew what to expect there, but seeing her husband – with his pants around his ankles – on the top of – mostly undressed – nurse hit her hard. She stood there in shock, thoughts racing through her mind: 'He was having sex with her, next to my room? Next to her room? She must've heard it… if I feel like murdering him, how did she feel? If I ever get out, I'm going to have a word with him. Or better, I'm going to have that word with him before leaving my Eva; that'll give my words some more weight.'
Torn between sympathy for her broken self and desire to strangle her husband with her bare hands, she did not notice the door opening.
A drowsy Asuka was standing there, staring at the scene with her head tilted in confusion. "Papa?"
'Wait, this actually happened?' Kyoko froze at the idea what damage it could have caused to her child. 'She saw him in the act? That…'
The scene suddenly changed. It was day again; her husband was sitting at the other Kyoko's bed and talking to her, his voice calm. There were fresh flowers in a simple vase on the nightstand. The words were of reassurance, of love, of promises: "you'll be fine, you'll recover, we'll be a happy family again".
The door opened and the same nurse entered. He smiled to her in a peculiar way; Kyoko felt another stab of anger. She recognised that kind of smile: it was the smile he always had for her.
She gritted her teeth. "Gott, why? He might've not been the best husband ever… but this? He wrote me off already and started to fuck someone before I even died? And was careless enough Asuka saw it? And then pretended it was all fine?"
She turned her attention to her own self in the hospital bed. "You knew, didn't you? You heard it all, you knew it all, you saw her leave and you heard her ask…"
Both the nurse and Kyoko's husband vanished; she was alone now with her other self. The woman slowly turned her head to Kyoko and nodded jerkily. She started to rise: her movements were cautious and clumsy, just like she was drunk or tired – and no longer certain about her surroundings.
Once on her feet, she began to methodically tear the sheets into narrow strips of cloth. Kyoko kept staring, covered in cold sweat. Soon, two ropes took shape: a small one from strands, and a proper one from larger strips. She tied the small one on the "neck" of the doll and looked up.
"Stop this!" Kyoko screamed at her. The woman, halfway done with the large rope, slowly turned her head to face her; her eyes were empty, but Kyoko saw a spark of confusion – or curiosity. She tried to stand her ground: she knew she had to.
"He… he cheated on you, he deceived you, he poisoned Asuka's mind… Gott, I hope, I really hope she doesn't remember that" Kyoko's mind returned to the possible implications. The woman nodded jerkily, clearly responding to her. Kyoko felt another sudden urge to run; it was too much to behold. She held to the spot purely on willpower. "And he kept going like that…" she kept talking. "I wonder, how did it end? I really hope this woman didn't end up as his wife and Asuka's step-mother…"
The figure in front of her shrugged and returned to making the rope. "I… I think I've seen enough…" Kyoko said in weakening voice and ran out of the door. In the dark corridor, she ran into her husband and the nurse, kissing. They turned to her and started laughing.
She turned and ran out of the hospital-
-right into the nurses' room.
"What-"
The scene of infidelity was unfolding again before her eyes. 'Am I supposed to do something here? What would that be? What would my other self want me to do?'
A realisation struck her, obvious once she thought of that. 'What she could not.'
She locked the door and took a deep breath. Her first reflex was to simply start cursing him, or perhaps violently separate them; while this was tempting, her noble upbringing took over.
"You seem to have lost your touch, my dear husband", she spoke out loud with a fake smile on her face. "She doesn't seem to enjoy it. At all."
She has certainly expected a reaction: she expected them to be surprised, startled, perhaps even angry for the interruption; she expected this to be followed by embarrassment or onset of defensive anger.
What she did not expect was the sheer degree of panic that ensued.
Most surfaces in hospitals have one common attribute: they are narrow. This has proven the adulterers' undoing: when the man turned, the nurse who was resting atop the desk slipped and fell – pulling him down in the process. A loud thud and the sounds of scrambling followed, accompanied by a rather chaotic attempt at fixing their wardrobe and going back to their feet. Kyoko was watching the scene with a mix of amusement and embarrassment. On one hand, they deserved that, and far more. On the other, it was still – ignoring the illusory nature of the scene – her husband, someone she once loved.
Finally, after an embarrassingly long while, her husband was able to regain his footing. Ignoring his lover, he turned to face Kyoko while still putting his pants in order.
"How? Wh-how? You were-" he started, his voice confused, but also angry.
"Unresponsive?" Kyoko interrupted. "No longer sufficient?" she narrowed her eyes and took a step towards him. He tried to take a step back, but the desk they were just using blocked his path. "And I was a fool who thought you would at least wait until I was in the ground before you found yourself a consolation…" she was hissing her words out now.
The nurse finally picked herself up and managed to cover herself, but she just stood there, uncertain of what to do. Kyoko eyed her with disgust. "And shame on you: I don't even care how it began, but knowing the situation… I really hope this is not a standard service in private clinics" Kyoko jabbed. "Or did you place me in a Krankenkasse hospital to save for your future life with her?" she turned her attention back towards her husband; she realised that while the woman was not blameless, her actual problem was with him.
"I can explain-"
Kyoko felt the anger going through her, culminating in a wry smile on her face. "Oh, please. Go ahead."
Part of her mind was aware that this scene never happened, that it was shaping into her own – or her other self's ideal image how it should have happened. That it was, essentially, a fantasy. But it did not matter. The point was to make things right – even inside her own mind. That fantasy was a mean to an end.
And as she expected, there was no good explanation coming out of his mouth, because there was no explanation possible in her mind – and she knew he would never admit to having made a mistake.
She took another step, coming as close to him as possible without actually touching him. "I am going to file for divorce, dear husband, it's one of the first things I am going to do once I'm out of here" she smiled a crooked smile. "And I'm going to enjoy that" she finished, turned and started to walk away before suddenly stopping. This scene felt incomplete.
"Ah. One more thing… not exactly my style, but I think she expects me to do that, so…" she trailed off, closed the distance again, and delivered a resounding slap to his face. "Enjoy yourselves, now" she added with the sweetest voice she could muster before unlocking the door and leaving.
Little Asuka was waiting outside. "Mama? Was ist passiert?"
Kyoko smiled down at her and picked her up. She knew this would be quite taxing for her in reality – a four-year-old is rarely light to be carried around – but again, it did not matter here. "Nichts, meine Süße. Mach dir keine Sorgen" she whispered to her ear. Asuka happily wrapped her hands around her neck and hid her face in Kyoko's hair.
"Mama? Was ist passiert?" => "Mum? What happened?"
"Nichts, meine Süße. Mach dir keine Sorgen" => "Nothing, sweetie. Don't worry"
Kyoko walked down the empty corridors of the crumbling hospital, then down the road between shrubberies and trees. Once she left the widely open gates, she closed her eyes took a deep breath; this was emotionally taxing, but also greatly liberating.
She stopped, wanting to take a final look at the building that was her prison, and to take a better look at little Asuka she was still carrying; but when she opened her eyes, she was alone, standing on the yellow-bricked road once more.
Behind her, endless fields stretched on both sides of the road, filled with plants of all conceivable colours. Asuka was gone – but the touch of her small hands, the subtle smell of strawberry shampoo she loved so much, the sound of her breath – it all lingered in Kyoko's senses. She spent a long while relishing in it, then forced her sorrow down. 'She's out there, older, and still in need of me. The sooner I'm done here, the sooner I get to hold her for real.'
Her other self was standing further down the road, no further than a hundred metres away, beckoning her with slow, stiff motions of her hand. Kyoko took a deep breath and started walking.
The story continues as Kyoko resolves the first serious issue. As said before, this chapter is shaping to be quite monumental in size - this is not even half of her journey - but there's no way of splitting it without breaking the theming I have in mind. Well, it's not the first time my story and characters run away happily and drag me with them.
Next part is likely to be on schedule, i.e. in two weeks, with at least 50% more emotional distress and internal turmoil! And at least one proper scene outside Kyoko's mind.
This is not unreasonable idea, althought that was not my inspiration. As the man is completely unrepresented in canon, nearly any picturing of him that includes his story role (being an unfaithful asshole) could be valid.
And doubtlessly she would add a few words of her own.
But I doubt Kyoko would be very willing to share her experiences from this journey, even verbally, let alone mentally (which would be most likely possible via Eva interface). It's, after all, extremely personal.
On the other hand, the characters manage to surprise me once in a while, so I'm not setting it in stone.
A blink of her eye later, she was facing another obstacle. A set of new sculptures barred the way, in exactly the same manner as before – but now there were five, not three. The fence was bisecting the fields, underscoring its role as the barrier.
'Another choice, another sphere to resolve. Let's take a look – what options do I have now?'
The first sculpture was difficult to look at; it was a chaotic mix of many shapes and numerous figures, many deformed, most obscured by shadow and outright darkness, all mingling together among trees. Looking at it from various angles just increased the impression of disorder and disarray; the landscape changed as in some bizarre kaleidoscope. There was but a single commonality to all the angles: a small figurine of a woman, sitting above the chaos on a throne made of darkness and wearing a crown of bone and wood, tipped with stars. Kyoko blinked at that image; there was something wrong with the woman's face: sometimes, there was no mouth, sometimes there were too many eyes. She averted her eyes; looking too long at any of the gateways was a bad idea anyway.
The second one was already familiar to her: the obscene depictions of all conceivable and some inconceivable sexual acts. It was a little bit different this time, though, even more complex: most scenes involved spectators. Kyoko looked away; this likely meant something, but Kyoko was not eager to delve deeper to find the hidden meanings out.
The third one was also familiar: it depicted the old, haggard man; depending on the angle, he sometimes seemed to be dead and decomposing, sometimes alive but dying. This sculpture did not change; there was no reason to look at it any longer than it was necessary in order to identify it.
The fourth one was entirely new: from one point of view, it depicted two people shouting at each other. From another, it showed a person angrily walking away from two other people; those left looked sad. From yet another angle, it seemed to depict a group of people engrossed in discussion, most looking dejected, some yelling aggressively. An odd angle presented a figure tearing some officially-looking document. None of the scenes seemed to be particularly disturbing – a pleasant change from the previous gateways – but none was pleasant to behold, either.
The fifth one, new to Kyoko eyes as well, seemed out of place in its simplicity: seen from the front, it looked like a figure of a woman with a sword and a scale – but instead of holding the scale up for everyone to see, the woman was unbalancing it with her sword. Viewed from one side, the sculpture turned into a younger woman with a laurel wreath on her head and a scale in front of her; she was looking around nervously while surreptitiously adding weight to one of the sides. Viewed from the other, the figure turned into a half-naked, tattooed woman with a hideous face; she was holding a club in her hands and staring threateningly.
Kyoko sighed. The tale told by Yui did not say much about further encounters, but she remembered the layout of the paths from the beautiful illustration Yui had shown her in the book. 'The old man is corrosion, and the orgies are obscenity. That I know already. The next one is likely representing conflict, dispute, discord…' she turned to the first one and tried to keep it from making her dizzy. 'And chaos is likely the path I came here from, the forest is quite indicative. Not to mention this strange queen atop of it.'
She averted her eyes from the swirl of figures and blinked several times to clear her vision. Then, she turned to the last sculpture. 'Themis and her daughters, but the Themis is wrong, like an antithesis of herself… I wonder, would she be called "Antithemis"?' she chuckled to herself at the bad joke. 'This must be injustice or deceit… except I am leaving the domain of deceit and the paths do not wrap on themselves. Injustice it is, then.'
She beheld the figures once more. 'But which one is the correct choice? Corrosion, because my marriage was failing, and my work was slowly destroying me? Discord, because of domestic arguments and office politics? Or injustice, due to what has befallen my other self? Or perhaps obscenity, because…'
She pondered for a moment. No good reason came for this one. 'Not obscenity, then. What has happened to my other self I saw a moment ago, so rather not injustice. Chaos is where I came from; "there is little merit in going back", the lesson said. So, those are out. Discord or corrosion it is.'
She took a deep breath; this seemed like an arbitrary choice, but she really did not want to make a mistake here: while time was likely not a problem, working out deceit and facing her husband's infidelity took a toll on her, and it was likely that the subsequent spheres would cost her even more. Wasting strength – and sanity – on pointless cases was a bad idea. There was only one way to do it right.
She closed her eyes and spoke out loud: "What it should it be, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu? Corruption, conflict, obscenity, or injustice? Will you help me this time?"
She heard the rustling of leaves. She knew what she would see when opening her eyes; she hesitated. This was not going to be pleasant. Still, it had to be done.
Her other self was standing behind the gates, her gnarled hand jammed between the various shapes of the fourth sculpture. As Kyoko shifted her perspective, the hand seemed to be grasping at the throats of the various figures – but always on the aggressors, never on those that looked sad, dejected, or down.
"Discord" Kyoko stated with only a hint of doubt in her voice. "Conflict, dispute, Streit… Well, makes sense, you seek vengeance on those who wronged you… wronged us. I do hope I'm not be forced to actually fight there… I was never really a warrior, you know. Asuka got that part from our unfaithful husband; one good thing he gave her, I guess" she continued, sadness tainting her voice.
Taking a deep breath, she reached out to touch the sculpture; as previously, her other self retreated, mirroring the move; Kyoko smiled sadly. "Still a long road ahead of us, right?" she asked, touching the warm metal. The gate sculpture split in half exactly as the previous one, and the gate opened; there was a dark corridor behind them, lit only by the green lights of the standard office EXIT plates. 'Huh. I was expecting something else… Well, my subconsciousness keeps surprising me, perhaps I should get used to it. Here goes nothing…'
She took a deep breath and stepped through.
***
Outside
To say that Ritsuko Akagi was in a foul mood would be saying that summers in Japan were warm.
Her error during the battle with Sahaquiel, while not revealed to her team in detail and known to them only from conjecture, earned her a no-holds-barred reprimand from Gendo once he returned. He even went through the trouble of reading her several excerpts from the reports the personnel provided. Most of them were positive, but he perfectly interspaced them with those that put her competence in question, along with requests for elaboration on every single mistake he could dig out from the past. When she left his office, she was feeling like drinking a whole bottle of wine and going to sleep… but, of course, the Commander has arranged it so that this meeting was the first thing in the morning, and – perfectly knowing her work pattern – he ordered her to be there at 07:00.
'A small miracle he didn't ask about any anomalies in Eva behaviour… Had he asked, I would likely have told him everything about this little oversight. Good it was not the point of this torture session. And I thought I enjoyed him being dominating…' she gnashed her teeth.
"Akagi-sempai?" a soft voice interrupted her angry thoughts.
"What?!" she snapped angrily, only to change the tone of her voice once she saw the scared face of her assistant. Bitter as Ritsuko might have been, Maya was not at fault here, and she had never been anything else than helpful, devoted, and caring. All that to a degree that often made Ritsuko uncomfortable, but on the other hand, that was one of the few lights left in her life. "Sorry, Maya. It's not the best day of my life. What is it?" she asked in a weary voice.
"Sempai, you requested a report on current and historical data on Evangelion activity in their resting state. For now" she reached for her notes "they are confusing again. Unit-00 is perfect green, Unit-01 had some spikes earlier this morning, but now has readings in the green; still, they are a little erratic, indicating some instability that may escalate…" she hesitated. "And Unit-02 is in a state that would indicate meditation in a human."
"Meditation?" Ritsuko rubbed her face.
"I can't think of a better term for that, I'm sorry. The closest term would be 'introspection', but that would be an understatement. The readings are far below the average threshold, but despite this lack of activity, every system reads fine. I had to increase the resolution to ensure there was still activity. Here are the current readings" she handed the pad to her sempai. "And here you will find the historical data" she handed her a larger file of papers.
"Thank you, Maya" Ritsuko replied in a tired voice. "I'll get to it as soon as possible. It's good news that Unit-02 is returning to stability, still, it'd be better to know why." She sighed. "And how are the preparations to the Reduced Barrier Synchronisation Test progressing?"
It took Maya a moment to comprehend what her sempai was referring to. "Ah. Yes. We will need a few more days to install the new sensors, and a few more days to calibrate the system" she replied. "This has not been given top priority in-"
"In the light of recent developments, I know" Ritsuko almost barked. "I know, new procedures enforced by the Commander make all 'pure curiosity' projects, as he calls them, secondary" her voice was dripping with venom, prompting a worried look from Maya. "'Pure curiosity', right. I'd love to see his disregard for science to bite him in the ass someday."
Maya did not reply; from the look on her face, she felt increasingly uncomfortable. Ritsuko turned her eyes on her. "That's all, Maya. Go back to your work, the sooner we're done with this crap, the sooner we can get back to proper science."
"Yes, Akagi-sempai! Do you need another coffee?" she asked with a relieved smile.
"No, unless you can get me another heart and another stomach to go with it. Or a caffeine IV drip to at least spare the stomach" she replied morosely. Seeing that Maya was still standing there, her face confused, she added: "A joke, Maya. No, thank you, you can go."
"Yes, sempai!"
Ritsuko followed her with her gaze. She definitely did not deserve this girl's devotion, and sure as hell she did not deserve her love. But considering the circumstances, she could not keep going without either at the moment. She just hoped they both lived long enough to repay her somehow. After finding a way to do so, of course.
***
The corridor was dark, with few light sources providing points of orientation; distant voices, unintelligible for Kyoko's ears, echoed between the walls; cold air smelled of old and unmaintained air conditioning. She was taking careful steps, one hand on the wall. Squinting, she could see some plates next to the door; it was too dark to read them, though. She tried several of the door handles – but all the doors were locked. Not even an attempt to will them open worked this time. 'What is this place? Feels like the office I did my Eva work in, but… I don't remember any blackout, or any time corridor looked like that. And what did it have to do with "discord" or "conflict"?'
She noticed a faint light squeezing from beneath one of the doors – the only source of light except green EXIT signs and red smoke detector diodes. Steeping up her pace, she reached it and rested her hand on the door handle.
She suddenly found herself sitting in a well-lit conference room, filled with people she recognised as work colleagues from the early stages of the GEHIRN project research. The person presenting was a Japanese woman who was describing some odd process diagram in impeccable, British-accented English. Kyoko knew her; that was-
"Doctor Akagi, a question?" someone closer to the screen raised his hand. Kyoko recalled the face; it was Reinhard Holzmann, the chief engineer of the facility.
'Akagi? Same as the scientist that does the poking-and-prodding every time we get out of line?'
"Yes, Herr… Holzmann?" the woman glared at the man with barely-concealed hatred.
"While I admit your research is impressive, this is a radical change, and an entirely new direction. It will cause untold problems in implementation. Are you sure this is a good idea? I'm aware the Japanese branch has made some progress, but to force it upon all the branches-"
"Herr Holzmann."
The address was laced in venom so heavily that it felt like it could actually kill an unprepared person. "This is not some progress. In case you haven't been paying attention, we developed a reliable and sufficiently safe approach to the cloning process. You'd be wise to adjust your methods, no matter how radical they may seem and how problematic their implementation may be. I did not travel half the world, slowing down my own research in the process to present you with something that wasn't tried, tested, and working" the doctor elaborated, then paused. "Of course, feel free to ignore it and stick to the dead-end approach, by all means. I am sure the American branch will be more than happy to be the first to adopt the solution, after Japan, of course. But I came to you first, and I give you the opportunity" she fell silent for a moment and let the words sink in. "Can I have your permission to continue?" the venomousness of the words did not lessen. Some people smirked discreetly, some seemed appalled.
"Y-yes, of course. Please continue" the engineer retreated into his seat.
"Thank you" came a slightly less venomous reply.
Kyoko closed her eyes. She remembered this meeting happened, along with several ones following. Of course not in such detail – apparently, her subconscious mind pulled a forgotten memory or – more likely – reconstructed the scene. This was the time when new data were brought from stunning discoveries of the Japanese branch, and their work indeed accelerated, but not before some serious internal issues had to be resolved – and that took them several months.
She closed her eyes, sore from the bright conference room lights. When she reopened them, she was standing in the entrance to the laboratory she did her work in. A figure in a tattered lab coat was standing mere metres from her, her back turned to Kyoko, her hair messy. One of her hands was outstretched and stiffly pointing to a stack of papers on her desk.
"Oh hello. I guess you're not going to tell me what I am supposed to do here, but that's the point where I should start?"
The figure did not reply; her outstretched arm twitched, pointing on the stack of papers with emphasis, then shivered visibly and dissolved into the thin air. Kyoko took a moment to calm her breathing, then approached the desk. The papers were test results from the third attempt at the new cloning process. 'Oh. This looks… bad.'
Her memories on the matter suddenly resurfaced. Her guts turned with the feelings of guilt. 'Scheisse. That mess… well, fair enough, it did weigh on me for a while.'
She sat at what has been her desk and started to recollect the details.
I managed this one on schedule, at least in my timezone. No promises on the next one, though, as my beta-reader is away for the moment, and while I do have some more free time for writing now, this is no longer the only project I am putting words into (not to mention an RPG epic I recently started).
On a related note, the chapter is still growing so much that I am starting to seriously consider breaking the "one angel per chapter" rule and splitting this one into a two-parter: it's 11k words now and we're not even halfway throught the journey. While the later spheres will likely take less words to describe (next one and one after that will deal with less painful issues, and Kyoko is getting better at resolving things, so less introspection will take place), there is still a chance this chapter will end up being beyond 20k words (the chapter ending is already 1.5k, and there are also Yui parts down the line). Of course, the decision about the split will not affect readers here - but may deliver to AO3 and FFN earlier.
Ritsuko followed her with her gaze. She definitely did not deserve this girl's devotion, and sure as hell she did not deserve her love. But considering the circumstances, she could not keep going without either at the moment. She just hoped they both lived long enough to repay her somehow. After finding a way to do so, of course.
She is a problematic character to write. On one hand, I don't want to picture her as entirely unsympathetic, because that'd be one-dimensional and generally false. On the other, she does not exactly have many redeeming qualities. She feels like a person who sold her soul, regrets that decision, but has invested far too much and (in her own opinion) is too far gone to try to fix things. I am aware that in most doctrines there is no sin too great to be beyond redemption, but doctrine is one thing, personal belief is another.
It did not take her too long to restore her memory on the matter; the notes – provided either by her subconscious mind or by her other self – contained it all. Including a file on the chief engineer, her direct superior.
'Herr Reinhard Holzmann' she recalled, looking at the photo of a 40-something man. 'He was opposing the introduction of the new growth process the Japanese branch brought it. He claimed it to be absurd and "wishful thinking". To his credit, a lot of the process did sound like magic. On the other hand, the whole GEHIRN work was essentially based on a near-magical level of technology…' she sighed. 'Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, and we had to work through that technology, without a good manual.'
She shook that sentiment off. She was in awe – and dread – of Evangelion technology then, but since she became part of it and fought as part of it, this awe has worn off a bit. It was still a marvel of engineering, no doubt, but it had flaws. First and foremost, it would be useless without a compatible soul; from an engineering point of view, a fatal design flaw and a single point of failure.
Refocusing on the papers, she started to ponder her options. Kyoko was no psychologist; she was not sure what exactly was necessary to heal her other self – or at least reconcile with it – but if the previous realm was to be any indication, the overarching theme was doing it right this time – possibly for some form of closure or at least some satisfaction.
'It was a rough time. I barely slept, everybody was on their toes… and accidents happened.'
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Opening them, she grasped the railing that she suddenly found under her hands. Right before her eyes, there was a large open space she recognised as one of Institute's facilities. 'Growth Area 02… Wasn't this where the accident-'
A loud, bloodcurdling scream cut her train of thoughts. Rushing towards the source of the sound, she already knew what she was going to find there; her stomach turned at the thought.
One of the line technicians, a person responsible for tissue testing, was grasping her right forearm with her left hand and desperately trying to get her hand out of the suddenly growing tissue mass in front of her. Her screams continued and Kyoko knew that the poor woman is not going to get her hand out – it was already being absorbed and either turned into Eva tissue or digested to fuel its growth. Kyoko watched the events unravel exactly as she remembered them.
The line was halted, and the emergency response team stepped in; the team's commander took a few seconds to assess the situation, then gave an order to inject the growing mass with a toxin that would kill it without harming a human – or, actually, would have killed it if it was in the state it was supposed to be. A few seconds after his order was followed, the tissue mass expanded again; this sudden spurt took the technician whole arm and kept going higher up to her neck and chest, effortlessly dissolving clothing and skin alike in its wake.
Kyoko shut her eyes tight, something she did not when she witnessed the accident the first time. It did not help much, as the memories reasserted themselves: the horrific screaming abruptly stopping when the cloned tissue expanded further and entered the woman's throat and destroyed her vocal chords; the sickening popping sound when the tendrils pierced the muscles and penetrated her lungs; the absolute terror in her eyes the tissue went even further up-
Kyoko found herself on the floor – of her own office, she absentmindedly noticed – retching violently. That was a scene she saw in her nightmares for a while after the original accident before she managed to bury it deep. 'Why didn't I remember it until now? It… it had to go to my other self. I wonder how many such "jewels" she got in the bargain. No wonder she ended up a death seeker…'
She collected herself and returned to the desk, conjured herself a glass of cold water to wash the foul taste away, and returned to the documents. The incident was not the only one to happen, but it was the only fatal one – and it was the one that launched a full-scale investigation that officially confirmed what she already knew.
That Herr Holzmann was to blame.
It kept coming back to her. Officially, the new process was being slowly, but successfully introduced; the documentation and all the manuals reflected that. But in truth, it was merely a superficial change, camouflaging the fact that the old way of manufacturing Evangelion tissue was retained, using the process Herr Holzmann still considered superior, contrary to all the evidence provided by Japan branch. The problem is that at some stage, parts of the documentation stopped reflecting the reality; as long as it was about quality, it merely messed the indicators up; but once it came to safety, suddenly the very real dangers at some stages were not indicated, while other stages had superfluous warning labels attached to them. In most cases, the technicians were routinely following both the old safety measures out of habit, as well as the new ones. This approach worked, with just a few minor incidents – until a newly trained technician who did not know the old safety procedures was assigned to the line. She accidentally touched a growth-capable tissue that subsequently ate her alive. The rescue team followed the new emergency procedure – which failed to work as expected, and the threat was not contained until a second-stage containment procedure was implemented: a wide-spectrum toxin. Unfortunately, this caused the incident – that under normal conditions would end up in a forearm amputation at worst – became fatal.
'And I was responsible, if only due to negligence' Kyoko concluded with horror.
She started realising there were inconsistencies after a few days after the new process was officially announced. She dismissed them as a normal thing – when a new process is introduced, problems are always expected, even with an experienced crew. But instead of slowly disappearing as the crew eased into the new process, the incidents increased in both frequency and severity: a case of tissue mass dying after being soaked in nutritional fluid, despite the technician following the new instruction to the letter; a full-day stop when one of the already specialised muscle masses suddenly erupted in growth during the gamma-ray exposure and forced the replacement of the entire radiation chamber; a safety incident when one of the technicians received an incorrect reading from a sensor and opened the screens far too soon, giving himself a dose just short of 200 Sv in the process…
Kyoko had her hands full at that time; those incidents were too serious to dismiss as snags in the process, and each of them required a full report. All the reports went to the chief engineer who was supposed to give his stamp of approval and relay them up to his superior, the Institute director; he emphatically ordered Kyoko not to send them herself until he had time to read them, and once he did, he would deliver them himself with his own notes and insights.
'In hindsight, this should've been a red flag, but "young and stupid" described me quite well then… I just wonder that while I'm quite sure I lost the "young" part, have I also grown out of the "stupid"?'
Returning to the papers that grew into several large binders in the meantime, Kyoko recalled that the incidents kept happening. She did her best to identify the causes and, in the process, she quickly noticed the growing discrepancies between reality and documentation. A week before the fatal accident she was certain that the process was not the one documented. She took it to Holzmann-
"Doktor Soryu" the man started in his low voice, laced with rasp he acquired from decades of smoking. He was staring at Kyoko from behind his large desk. "Your academic work had been stellar, and your conduct here has been exemplary. Your handling of all the technical problems I delegate to you is perfect as well" he continued. Kyoko instinctively sensed a coming 'but' and prepared herself for the blow. "But I will not have you question decisions of far more experienced people" he raised his voice only a notch, but it was enough to make her take a half-step back. His face immediately softened. "Keep up your good work with containment and let the old guard resolve the underlying problems. I know you can do your part, as you have proven that time and again. Can I count on you to keep up the same level of competence?"
Kyoko remembered well what she said back then: "Yes, sir. I will do my best." This was rewarded with a smile and praise of her reliability. She shivered; in hindsight, this praise carried a heavy price tag-
An eyeblink later, she once more stood a few meters from the screaming technician. This time, she could not even close her eyes when the woman's eyes perished and the aggressive Evangelion tissue entered the bleeding eye sockets. She could not avert her eyes when the rest of her body was absorbed. And she kept watching as the emergency response team finally terminated the chaotically shifting blob of alien flesh, cut it open carefully, and found no recognisable human body underneath, only a partial skeleton. Kyoko pondered with horror how long did it take for the woman's nerve system to fail under the circumstances.
She found herself back in her office, no longer feeling nauseous – just numb. She sat at her desk for a long while before chancing a look at the binder again and allowing the memories to flow again.
It took that fatal incident for the Institute's director to launch a full-scale investigation. The tissue production process was halted entirely, and the lines underwent a meticulous inspection with independent oversight of a – sufficiently security and secrecy cleared – government inspector. The truth about Holzmann and a few of his trusted colleagues came out; it became clear that they rejected the new process and kept using the old one while pretending to adopt new solutions. The abuse of their authority – few dared to question the chief engineer – and numerous deceptions – like false sensor readings – allowed them to keep everyone else in the dark for several weeks.
In the end, Herr Holzmann and his cohort were found guilty of sabotage, negligence, conspiracy, causing the death of one and injuries of several technicians, and scientific misconduct. They were removed from the Institute and held to trial, where they received lengthy prison sentences. The trial has been short, but Kyoko was barely able to sleep during that time. It was rumoured that the verdict should have been 'guilty' for everyone, if not for participation, then for failure to report or simple negligence. But then, the branch would have to accept replacement personnel from USA or Japan branch, or be shut down entirely – and the government was unwilling to accept that: German branch of GEHIRN was simply too prestigious, even if it was no longer the primary one. So, the higher powers simply decided that only active participation – and proven one, on top of that – was to be punishable. The rest of the Institute's higher personnel has been cleared of charges – Kyoko among them – and given the order to introduce the new process properly and to resume operations as soon as humanly possible. They succeeded, of course, but while there have been no fatalities, the price has been high: at least two people involved retired later for health reasons.
Finishing her reading, Kyoko closed the binder and took a deep breath. 'I'd rather not see a woman getting eaten by Eva flesh for a third… fourth time' she shuddered. 'So… I have to avert that incident.'
She went through the memories. She was fairly sure she knew what happened – the technician approached the tissue carelessly, not aware it was growth-prone, as it should not be at this stage. All it took was to stop the line before that, or merely make the woman aware of the danger before-
The screams echoed in the hall. The visage of terror that was the woman's face stared at Kyoko in all its nightmarish glory. She clenched her teeth and tried to look away. Instead, her eyes went up, to the railing where two silhouettes stood. One was Holzmann's – his hair and trademark green tie were easy to recognise. The other was easy to recognise as well – and made her shiver. It was clothed in a ragged lab coat, had gnarled limbs and shadowed face, and was pointing with her crooked finger directly at the man.
'Oh. Of course. Uproot the cause, not heal the symptom. Why am I not thinking clearly yet?'
The woman died horribly for the fourth time and Kyoko found herself once more in her office, feeling cold, but determined.
The incident reports were scattered across her desk. She calmly went to her shelf and picked up an empty binder, then collected all the reports, annotated them with dates and details of possible causes, wrote a half-page letter with an explanation, and put it all together. Then, she requested a meeting with the Institute's director and a few hours later, was presenting the case to him-
-and found herself witnessing disjointed scenes of herself heading a comprehensive inspection of the tissue production line, followed by a trial of the conspirators. She was testifying there, along with all the line technicians – including the woman whose horrific death she saw so many times. The judge's hammer struck-
She was standing alone in the dimly lit office. Her other self was in the doorframe, her back turned.
"Is this what you wanted?" she addressed the figure, not expecting much of an answer. "This will not bring anyone back" she continued bitterly. "That woman is still dead, and those injured still bear the scars. The project was set back. I- we made a career on the backs of Holzmann and the others. Reliving it in a different light, pretending it got fixed, changes nothing" she kept going.
To her surprise, there was a reaction – her other self shook her head; she could not see the face, but the gesture struck her almost as…
'Sad? Does that mean she agrees with me? Disagrees? Just understands? I'd love to see her face, that could provide some hint…'
The other Kyoko did not turn, merely moved her arm and made a beckoning gesture. This, of course, made the impression even worse. 'Joints do not work that way' was Kyoko's main, sudden, panicked thought. Still, she forced herself to take a step towards the door, following her other self as she left the room.
As she half-expected, she found herself on the yellow-bricked road once more, surrounded by the colourful fields. Her other self was, as expected as well, nowhere to be found.
"Here we go again", she sighed, but not without a smile. "Three down, I wonder how many more to go?" she thought as she took a step, fully expecting to find herself facing another set of gateways.
Taking a step and extending her hand, she touched the warm metal, smiled, and braced herself before taking a look at the sculptures.
Thank you for your patience. The chapter continues to be hard to write and my work continues to leave me little time to do anything else, thus future updated may be even more erratic. But the story of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu continues!
The incident reports were scattered across her desk. She calmly went to her shelf and picked up an empty binder, then collected all the reports, annotated them with dates and details of possible causes, wrote a half-page letter with an explanation, and put it all together. Then, she requested a meeting with the Institute's director and a few hours later, was presenting the case to him-
-and found herself witnessing disjointed scenes of herself heading a comprehensive inspection of the tissue production line, followed by a trial of the conspirators. She was testifying there, along with all the line technicians – including the woman whose horrific death she saw so many times. The judge's hammer struck-
