I stood at attention, looking out the forcefield into space as the glittering dot of the last casket shot into space disappeared from view.
A pipe blew and the ceremony was over.
I relaxed slightly, closing my eyes for several long minutes. So many.
People I knew. Not friends of any of them, but coworkers.
The Captain. First officer. People in engineering. Before we got back... how many more would join them into their lonely eternal trip among the stars?
Seventy years of dangers.
Voyager would turn into a generation ship. Even if we make it, everybody else but me and the Vulcans onboard will be old by then if not dead. Hell, with attrition they're going to need to have children. Seventy years, hell... their children need to have children.
There went my career in Starfleet as well. By the time we get back, I'll likely be too big to move around in human sized spaces. For all I know, I'll be confined to the hangar by then.
Then again, maybe it wasn't an issue really. Seventy years of space travel, for all I know I'm just thoroughly sick of the entire thing by then. Set up on a mountain side somewhere and terrorize the local villagers.
There's a thousand planets out there, surely there is one colonized as a fantasy resort.
"Hey."
I opened my eyes and looked at Dinah, "Hey. You're alright?"
She sighed, "I don't know," she admitted quietly, "...I feel like getting smashed to be honest."
"As I understand, there will be a reception in the mess hall for anybody that wishes to attend," I said, touching my nose to her shoulder.
Dinah shook her head and then reached up to rest a hand on my nose, "...Too formal, senior officers will be there. Can't get properly smashed there."
"As a senior officer, I fully agree."
She smiled a bit, "It's hush hush, but Ensign Valdes has something planned for Cargobay three. Wanna come?"
"Go have fun. I'm a senior officer, if I go, people won't be able to relax," I told her, "I think I may go to my cabin actually, try to get some sleep."
Dinah frowned a bit, "You're only a full lieutenant."
"Yes, but I'm the chief engineer. That has its own thing to it. Go get drunk, but try not to end up in the brig."
"The brig was not part of my goals, no," she admitted, "You sure you're not going?"
"Not this time," I said and lifted my head, "I'm going to enjoy actually having an evening off."
She nodded and gave a small wave before wandering off.
I sighed softly and looked out towards open space. At some point, I needed to take my suit outside, I missed it. Well, there is an inspection of the deflector dish on the docket pretty soon, maybe I'll have to make sure to snag that one for myself.
Nobody else enjoyed being outside anyway, so might as well.
#######
Chime.
Chime. Chime.
I slowly blinked my eyes open and lifted my head, "Wha-"
Chime.
Who the hell was at my door at this time of night? If it was somebody from engineering, they would have commed me.
Oh.
You don't need to be a genius to realize who it was.
"Enter," I said and the door opened, confirming my suspicion as Dinah almost fell inside.
"Oh... Hey..." she said, "Oh, did I wake you?" she slurred a bit, "Sorry."
"It's alright," I told her, studying her, "You're drunk. And have been crying."
She smelled saltier than most humans.
"Sorry," she said and rubbed the palm of her hands on her eyes, "I'll go."
"Dinah, I'm already awake," I said, "Come here, you need to talk. Let's talk."
The door closed as she walked over, dropping down next to me on my sleeping mat, "I... I just..." she said and shook her head, "... We're stuck here. It just... it just hit me, you know. We're fucking stuck here!"
I shifted my head to bump my nose against her knee, "Do you want the truth or a lie?"
"...Lie to me..."
"We'll find a wormhole back to the Sol system tomorrow, by dinner time we'll have been promoted a couple of ranks and given the Star of the Federation for our bravery," I told her seriously, "Also, the Borg have surrendered and the Romulans have petitioned to join the Federation."
Dinah let out a small sob of a laugh and crossed her arms before collapsing to lean her back against my neck, "...That sounds nice. But it's not the truth..."
"It's not," I sighed, looking up at her with my closest eye, "It may take the full seventy years. I don't think so, however."
"You don't?"
I snorted, "No. I'll have seventy years to work, I bet I can cut decades off it when I actually get some time to tinker. And that's disregarding different phenomena like wormholes. I don't think it will take seventy years."
She grinned a bit, "I bet you can. You're the smartest person I know."
"Thank you," I said and then studied her, "...You're doing alright?"
Dinah nodded, "...Better at least," she admitted with a sigh before she looked at me, "What about you?"
"I'm fine."
"Bullshit. We talked about this before, but you have seriously been more irritable than during puke month. What gives?"
I sighed, "...Let's just say that my Starfleet experience has not been what I wanted it to be," I admitted quietly, "I lost my ship, most of the crew, my best friend. Then I spent years building weapons and then... this. I just... none of this is what I expected or wanted."
"Mhmm," Dinah agreed, "...Yeah... sucks. Miss him..."
I blinked and looked at her. Her head had lolled over, resting against my side. Yep, she's asleep.
Letting out a small sigh, I closed my eyes and put my head down. She'll not be very happy tomorrow.
