TOUCH. FLUFFY. Tail!
The Taste of Peaches (Worm AU)
- Thread starter Grounders10
- Start date
Good point.
Windborne
Devourer of Stories
- Location
- Oregon
Ok finally read the latest chapter, got a couple major issues you haven't addressed to the best of my knowledge.
First if you are hoping to keep the tone upbeat, you failed miserably by making Amy unable to touch their divine fluffinesses, if this is temporary then that's fine, but it's a depressing tone shift at the moment and it will stay that way if it's permanent.
Second you absolutely shouldn't be using the name Corentine for Taylor. It sounds exactly like Quarantine and that's a huge no-no PR wise in a world with Ziz and Simurgh Quarantine Zones like Madison which should've happened relatively recently in the timeline. Just think about naming a kid Corentine right now in real life, it would be absolutely terrible, and I pity any kids named that at the moment with COVID running rampant across the US. In a world where cities are destroyed every 3-4 months by eldritch monsters? That kid would be miserable being named Corentine. I'm sure others have pointed this out before but really think about changing it now since it's been used maybe a handful of times thus far. Tempest is just as good a name, and still maintains the storm theme. Or even go for something simple like Hope, since that is what Taylor wants to be for others.
Third, update more frequently or have longer chapters! This chapter really didn't move the plot along all that much, I'd hoped to either see Taylor debut or reach the Peach Garden by this chapter. I don't mind the slow pacing if you update this more frequently but waiting 3-4 months to read this chapter was a bit of a letdown. Alternatively you could write much longer chapters, like 35k-55k words and put it out every few months, and that would help move the pace just as well. Personally I'd prefer the former rather than the latter but that's just me.
Overall I like the upbeat nature of this, and the only thing holding this story back is the lack of frequent updates. Your other stories are ok, but only Tangled Fate comes close to matching the potential of this story. I'd much prefer to see more chapters of this than something like your Naruto/Exalted cross.
First if you are hoping to keep the tone upbeat, you failed miserably by making Amy unable to touch their divine fluffinesses, if this is temporary then that's fine, but it's a depressing tone shift at the moment and it will stay that way if it's permanent.
Second you absolutely shouldn't be using the name Corentine for Taylor. It sounds exactly like Quarantine and that's a huge no-no PR wise in a world with Ziz and Simurgh Quarantine Zones like Madison which should've happened relatively recently in the timeline. Just think about naming a kid Corentine right now in real life, it would be absolutely terrible, and I pity any kids named that at the moment with COVID running rampant across the US. In a world where cities are destroyed every 3-4 months by eldritch monsters? That kid would be miserable being named Corentine. I'm sure others have pointed this out before but really think about changing it now since it's been used maybe a handful of times thus far. Tempest is just as good a name, and still maintains the storm theme. Or even go for something simple like Hope, since that is what Taylor wants to be for others.
Third, update more frequently or have longer chapters! This chapter really didn't move the plot along all that much, I'd hoped to either see Taylor debut or reach the Peach Garden by this chapter. I don't mind the slow pacing if you update this more frequently but waiting 3-4 months to read this chapter was a bit of a letdown. Alternatively you could write much longer chapters, like 35k-55k words and put it out every few months, and that would help move the pace just as well. Personally I'd prefer the former rather than the latter but that's just me.
Overall I like the upbeat nature of this, and the only thing holding this story back is the lack of frequent updates. Your other stories are ok, but only Tangled Fate comes close to matching the potential of this story. I'd much prefer to see more chapters of this than something like your Naruto/Exalted cross.
- Location
- western US
that is way too mcuh of a stretch to worry about. if the PR department had to worry about any word that ryhmed with any other word that was itself a "PR no-no", then basically every word in the dictionary would be invalid.
Windborne
Devourer of Stories
- Location
- Oregon
It's less the fact that it rhymes with Quarantine, it is more the fact it is pronounced almost exactly the same way. That's just asking for trouble and I don't see Glenn approving it given how competent he's been in this Fic thus far. Like I said it's simpler to use something like Tempest, Squall, Gale, which keeps with the storm theme without triggering every other person because it's associated with Ziz and her aftermaths. It's mentioned even in the same chapter that she chose the name that associating herself with the Simurgh is a nightmare no one wants to deal with.
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- Location
- western US
except its TWO degrees of separation at that point which is more then enough in my head (even the quarantine-smiurge jump is iffy in my opinion)
but if you really think its that important....
go back and re-read what she wanted her name to represent (cas the story didn't just gloss over it) and then come up with a name of your own....simply throwing out simple names to replace it doesn't help because that entire scene would have to be trashed unless it actually replaces the name and still holds more meaning then "basically a synonym of storm"
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punster lv1
Killjoy - cheerful shitposter - ignorant pedant
Hey OP you should probably update the information threadmark (or make a new one) to say that the corentine quarantine issue have already been raised several times and you're not going to be persuaded otherwise. People don't read those anyway but then we'd have something to point out when new complaints get raised.
- Location
- UK
The thing is, every story, even the most wholesome slice of life, needs ups and downs to keep things fresh and the reader engaged. Besides, depending on how the new Deities are formed, out of everyone on Earth, Panacea is probably the one most likely to end up getting turned, simply because of her reputation. Yes, there are other Capes more famous (or infamous), but a mirical healer is in a class of her own.
eschwartz
Glorious Wordsmith and Author-Whisperer
- Location
- Roundworld
What about the actual real-life name "Kovid", which is not unpopular in India?
Windborne
Devourer of Stories
- Location
- Oregon
True enough, I was merely pointing out the fact that if it's a permanent change that Amy can't ever touch Vicky again that "down" is never going to go "up". And yes I think Amy is incredibly likely to be affected as well and "ascend" as it were.
Well I'm pretty sure Corentine is an actual name as well but yeah I feel pretty bad for any person named Kovid at this point in time. I guess it's a good thing most schools are doing distance learning so playground bullies aren't really a thing at the moment.
As for the other reply and the fact that the Corentine/Quarantine things come up again. I'm not going to be the last person to bring it up most likely, but I'd like to say that it's a legitimate concern. As for other names I did give out other ones, simple doesn't mean bad. If it's exotic you want, Kataigída is Greek for storm. Or how about Searah [סְעָרָה] (se-ah-RAH) which is Hebrew for storm. That last one isn't going to press any buttons but the E88 which is a plus for PR, though less so Taylor's safety. And isn't Ziz also called the Hope-ender or is that Fanon rather than Canon? Regardless being a symbol for hope that's tied even remotely indirectly to Ziz seems like a bad idea. Like prompting an Endbringer attack on Brockton Bay in retribution bad.
@Dragon_352 I'll have to agree to disagree with you on it being separated so much to the point that it is a smart PR move.
Edit: Added the romanization for Searah. Personally I think it's a rather pretty name.
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Alayne
The Reader
- Location
- Home of the Vikings
Not sure on how canon those titles are but the ones I keep seeing are these:
Behemoth, The Hero-Killer
Leviathan, The City-Killer
Simurgh, The Hope-Killer
Windborne
Devourer of Stories
- Location
- Oregon
I'm pretty sure Behemoth being the Hero Killer is Canon due to him being the first and his literal kill aura, but yeah those were the ones I keep seeing as well.
- Location
- Somewhere.
If Taylor is still thinking about the Classics, she could probably swing "Elpis", also known as Hope from Pandora's Box. It fits, albeit only on a level she knows. Well, her and Cauldron.
- Location
- My house
That is certainly an interesting idea. I kind of like it.
If she does this would be the second story with a Taylor with an alt power who goes by Elpis, the other one being Here Comes the new Boss(Nothing Like the old Boss), which features a Butcher!Taylor.
- Location
- western US
that story is pretty good; I rec it.
edit: huh, speak of the devil--> it just updated.
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- Location
- Here
Corentin is indeed a real (French) name, though I haven't seen it spelled with a terminal "e" before; I had a housemate named that for a few months last year. Though I think the pronunciation is a bit more different in French, so it might not be so much of a problem if he's back home. Perhaps something similar might be true in India, I don't know how COVID-19 is typically referred to in any of the many non-English languages common there.
You know, if someone else ascended before Taylor, but they got the God of Death position...I can't help but pity anyone who has that job on Earth Bet.
"Do you have any idea how much extra paperwork I have to fill out these days? We've got Endbringer attacks, the Slaughterhouse 9 deciding to wipe out random towns, and wars between gangs of parahumans! I literally haven't been able to get any sleep since I ascended!"
"Do you have any idea how much extra paperwork I have to fill out these days? We've got Endbringer attacks, the Slaughterhouse 9 deciding to wipe out random towns, and wars between gangs of parahumans! I literally haven't been able to get any sleep since I ascended!"
- Location
- This miserable sphere of dirt and water
- Pronouns
- They/Them
Oh yeah, that would suck and that's before considering the repercussions of such a position. I mean, gods of death didn't exactly have the best of times in a fair amount of mythologies, at least when compared to other deities. Then imagine if the new god of death would be Taylor's age and/or in a situation similar to hers (potential trigger event) and you get a very different story.
The potential dark humour would be to die for though.
Arcane Howitzer
Serial Arcanist
- Location
- United States
There are definitely worse candidates for the job than an angsty teenager. There's already a few too many people on Bet who revel in the concept (let alone application) of death without becoming a literal manifestation of it.
- Location
- This miserable sphere of dirt and water
- Pronouns
- They/Them
I was referring to the effect it would have on the new god, but that one isn't, ah, exactly good either.
"I don't even need sleep, but somehow that doesn't matter! It's like I'm getting negative sleep!"
- Location
- Somewhere.
Yeah, that's where I got it from.
Also: re: gods of death...Hm. This gives me ideas. Let's see if they go anywhere.
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