The Eldritch One (Celestial Forge)

Chapter 18: Exposition
A curious thing happened to my social life once it was confirmed to the student body at large I was a killer. Oh, sure, that was supposed to be a secret, but there were about fifteen uninvolved classmates at that party and I guarantee you they all talked. The thing that happened was that people started leaving me alone. Not everybody, and not even most people at my lunch table, but Amy Dallon was one of the ones that stopped talking to me. I'm not really mad about it, she already told me her parents were being difficult about socializing with me. Then there were some other people that gravitated towards me after all this happened. I wasn't sure if I was comfortable with that until a particularly mousy looking girl sat next to me at lunch on Monday and whispered to me.

"Thank you." And suddenly I was a lot more okay with letting these random people cozy up with me. Funny how that works isn't it.

I was able to update my dad on the rot powered dude through a letter on Monday. I didn't tell him about the robbery I did. I figured I'd tell him when I have something to report on about whoever tried to blacklist me. But it's Tuesday afternoon right now, and Tattletale called a meeting.

"So I have good news and bad news everybody." We all wait expectantly at her word. "The good news is that I found out who the dipshits who blacklisted Taylor are. They're the McCormick family."

"..." If there were crickets in here now is the time they would be chirping.

"The bad news is they're the McCormick family. They're a billionaire family that made their fortune on the spice trade. They're a bunch of sociopaths that have something like a twenty percent trigger rate in their family tree."

"I'm sorry," Chimes in Brian. "But how exactly did little old Taylor here draw their attention?"

"She killed their newest trust fund cape on Friday." Ah, hell. "And it gets worse! They've been bribing all the local grocery store managers and fast food stores into banning her too."

"Oh for fuck's sake, that was self defense!" I cry out. "Fucker was fist deep in me-"

"Giggity."

"-and rotting me from the inside out! Shut up Alec!"

"So how are we getting back at them?" Asks Bitch

"We aren't." From Tattletale as she looks like she's eating earwax. "We don't know how far this goes up their family tree, and as far as I can tell they only have one married couple in town: the dead dipshit's parents. If we retaliate on this we'll bring down an Elite branch, a normal ass billionaire clan, what amounts to a private parahuman team, and all of the law enforcement down on our heads. Not to mention the risk to our identities it would bring. A villain team targeting the Boardwalk enforcers right after Taylor got blacklisted is happenstance. All of us targeting the rich assholes responsible would be a clear pattern."

"I guess we'll just lie down and take it up the ass from this rich guy's parents then." From Alec. "What's next oh fearless leader? We gonna actually surrender next time the cops tell us to?"

"Hell no! I'm gonna be hacking the rubes who accept this bribe, taking the bribe money, and deleting the notifications that the managers send out. I told y'all I am a petty spiteful bitch, and I intend to live up to that. Hell, since this is a team matter I'll even be splitting the money with everybody.

"Oh, and another thing, I finally found a buyer for those diamonds. They're getting sold for four times the worth of the drugs Taylor made them from. Happy new years everybody." She takes a duffel bag and starts piling up cash for each of us.

"But it's the middle of February."

"Shut up and take your money Alec." As she all but throws his share into his lap. When it gets to be my turn her eyes widen slightly and she stares a little bit as she gives me my money. She starts speaking again once she's done with that.

"Alright, now Taylor come with me, we gotta talk."

"Oh, heeell no," protests Alec. "I had plans for tonight."

"Take your plans and shove 'em, we have some girl talk to hash out. Come on." As she starts dragging me out of the loft. I give the team a wry little smile, and wave goodbye. Not all that much of a walk later, we're in the booth of a local restaurant.

"Spill Taylor, what the hell did you get?" I blankly stare at her.

"I thought we went over this. I don't really know what I get. And how would you even know I got something anyway?" She grinds her teeth.

"There was a slight spatial distortion all over you during the meeting. How in the hell could you possibly- You know what? No. I'm calm. Deep breaths."

*Breathing Noises*

While she's doing that the waitress gets us some water. This is getting weird.

"Lisa, are you alright?" Her eyes snap open. One of them twitches.

"I'm a little stressed, I'll admit. Tell me, is there anything you could think of that is... extradimensional about your powers?"

"Hmm, nothing immediately comes to mind." Let's see, there's my speed, my slime, my mouths, my timeline viewing, my- oh no.

"You just thought of something! What is it?"

"No no, I didn't think of shit. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't play coy Taylor, I'm pretty sure I saw you get another one of your powers back there. Is there any possible way there's more than one of what you're thinking about?" Ahhh, son of a bitch, she's right! I have the garage too. "Taylor. We do need to know what you're capable of if we're going to be able to take down Coil."

"Okay fine, but when I tell you to not to look, you better fucking not, alright?"

"Of course." I pull out the key to the space and show it to her.

"Taylor, this is a key."

"...Why yes, thank you for stating the obvious. Now-"

"No you don't understand, this is a key. No goddamnit, that's still not right this is... A key." I look at her for a few seconds. She looks frustrated.

"So anyways, do you know any locked doors I can use this on nobody's going to come across?" She glares at my anomalous key before answering.

"I know a few, yeah."



I look around. Oh good, it didn't open up into the anti matter room again. To the right of me is labeled facilities, and to the left is labeled storage. That's new. The facilities branch even opens up into a T-section instead of the anti matter room too!

"So you can open doors, big d-" As she shoves her way past me. "Huh." She starts walking towards the facilities.

"This way Lisa." As I start dragging her towards the storage. "The storage is new, and any extra facilities will be blindingly obvious."

"So when's the last time you checked this place out?"

"A few weeks ago. Less than a month."

"You really gotta check this place out more often."

"Oh hey look a door." I open it and pull us in. Looks like storage is just a long hallway with all the doors on one side of it. In here is a small plinth with some sort of gun on it. Looks like an industrial angled flashlight.

"So what do you think this is?" She squints at it.

"Not entirely sure. It doesn't fire bullets and the crystal bits at the end don't give off any more radiation than a household flashlight." I walk forward and pick it up.

"Jesus fucking Christ Taylor!! Point that thing away from me! Haven't you ever heard of trigger discipline!?" I swivel it to the wall.

"I thought you said it wasn't a gun?"

"I said it didn't fire bullets! And even if it's not a weapon tinkertech can still kill your dumb ass!" I point it to a back corner and pull the trigger. A holographic screen pops up saying 'dimensional callback error.' hmm.

"I have no idea. Let's try the next door." As I put it back on the pedestal.

The next room has a massive fuck off diamond in it. The kind of thing you would see in a cartoon vault, except vaguely futuristic looking.

"Oh goody a diamond too big to sell. How useful to me specifically." I deadpan.

"Uh, Taylor, that isn't a diamond."

"It isn't? Well then what is it?"

"I don't know, but it's alive." I look to the diamond, and then to Lisa, and then to the diamond again.

"God I hate my power. Let me know if you ever find a way of disposing of this then. Next one."

The next room actually looks like a sane kind of warehouse storage room thing. A bunch of plastic totes are stacked to the ceiling, wall to wall, with who even knows how far back it goes. Lisa goes up and opens one. It has like an interlocking lid holding it together. Real fancy.

About two seconds after opening it she springs to her feet, rotates around, and starts power walking away.

"Lisa? Lisa, what is it?"

"Nope." And she steps up her pace.

"Lisa! You can't just not tell me what's wrong with these boxes. That's the entire point of you being here." As I follow her out of the room. I look back to the closing door in a vain hope that it would hold the answers I needed. And to my surprise and horror I found it. The door was labeled.

Antimatter Storage​

Goddamn motherfucker!!




Powers this chapter

Taydenite (Ben 10) (200CP)
You have found yourself in possession of a large taydenite crystal. Both the rarest and hardest gem in the galaxy, it could be sold for a small fortune. The only thing known to be able to cut taydenite is taydenite. Taydenite is also used to power spaceships, so with some work you could use it as a power source.
 
Last edited:
Her having zero clue about any of her abilities until she stumbles across them is getting a touch old at this point. What is the point of an MC that doesn't know what they are doing? You are just rehashing canon but with an even more clueless and violent Taylor...
 
That is why Tattletale is here
All Tattletale is going to get from this is a migraine. Couldn't even tell the big living crystal was nor what the Build Gun did and it's only gonna get worse as Taylor gets slapped with more things.

Taylor gonna need some luck on rolling an analysis/research perk to understand alot of what she is getting. Wonder if she can bite off Tayden crystal using her mouths and mixing it with their costumes to make some armored clothes? Or use it on the Build gun to power it up?
 
"Amy Dallon was one of the ones that stopped talking to me" That feels horribly ungrateful of her considering that Taylor likely saved her, her sister, and possibly a good chunk of the country by killing that guy in self-defense.

I know unmasking Wards is a criminal offense, but is it also illegal to spread rumors that someone is a cape in order to get them banned from various establishments? Particularly when you don't actually know they're a cape? It feels like it would be, but Worm has some pretty f'd up laws, many of which seemed to be designed to screw over anyone that doesn't join the PRT/Wards.

Though, given the way money tends to make laws meaningless, it probably doesn't matter overly much one way or the other. Ironically enough, she'd have more luck dealing with this by going on a killing spree. People are far less willing to insult you to your face when they believe you'll melt theirs off, but that's not really advisable in the short term.

"So what do you think this is?" Sounds like the Buildy Gun. I wonder if she'll ever figure that out if so. Without a manual, it's not exactly obvious what it does.

I wonder why the Taydenite is 200CP. Without other perks to make it useful, it feels pretty pointless.

Edit: It has occurred to me that the majority of the Boardwalk's business comes from cape chasers. People who are likely very active on PHO. So, if she were to post about what the Boardwalk had done to her there, it would likely have a negative impact on the Boardwalk's business. People tend not to be fans of big businesses that punish underage girls for defending themselves and others from murderers and sexual predators, particularly not by branding them "violent parahumans" without any form of proof.

I expect that last part would be particularly troubling for the tourists that come precisely so that they can see said violent capes, as they tend not to be bright enough to realize that the guards wouldn't even approach someone they truly believed was a violent parahuman.
 
Last edited:
That is why Tattletale is here
Ah yes, the perfect solution. A third party figuring out your powers because the author decided to use the Celestial format but didn't like that its users knew what the hell was going on. I'm not saying she needs context behind every power/world she connects to but a bare minimum of knowledge would be great. Because as it stands I can easily see this burning the story out in author or reader interest because frankly, not even Stephen King could spin keeping the MC and the readers on the dark without most of them getting bored or irritated at being jerked around with author enforced fake suspense.
 
Is there something wrong with the Forge where it's not giving Taylor info on what she's getting? If so, what's the in universe reason for it being broken? It's literally a ROB backed process, so unless the ROB is missing, the Forge really shouldn't be broken. I've been wondering about this since the beginning hoping there would be an explanation before things ramped up too much.
 
It doesn't help that taylor's practically actively avoiding actually interfacing with any aspect of her power. Like oh neat, my power can combo things! Not that I'm going to do anything with that though. Oh neat she's a brute 10! Not that she knows that. She's got anti thinker effects! The feedback function of which is being entirely and completely ignored by the author. The at this point deliberate avoidance of knowledge/skill perks at this point is extremely weird as well. Dodging the entire point of the forge is weird.
 
Ah yes, the perfect solution. A third party figuring out your powers because the author decided to use the Celestial format but didn't like that its users knew what the hell was going on. I'm not saying she needs context behind every power/world she connects to but a bare minimum of knowledge would be great. Because as it stands I can easily see this burning the story out in author or reader interest because frankly, not even Stephen King could spin keeping the MC and the readers on the dark without most of them getting bored or irritated at being jerked around with author enforced fake suspense.


This may be a fair criticism, but it's a very venomous tone. A little civility will reduce the irritation and resentment on all sides.

There are many possible interpretations of the Forge at this point, from literal epileptic seizures and cruciatus for every power gained (some writers really hate their characters), to complete ignorance of the perks gained.

If you don't like this version of the Forge, find one you like among the many other versions.

I personally like the version with complete ignorance of non-obvious perks much more than the others. I like how it creates more room for comedy.

From a doylist perspective, ignorance of powers gained can also be used in moderation to offset the destructive impact of random powerful perks on the plot. Plus, at some point, if it becomes relevant, a perk or combination of perks can be used to offset this lack of power.

What I really don't like about this story is Taylor's apparent lack of interest in exploring her own powers. I mean, the whole antimatter situation is traumatic for anyone, but I think the comedy around it is a little overdone.
 
I do think it's very strange how far Taylor is trying to go to stay ignorant. I have a very hard time considering her the willful ignorance type. I get the circumstances are very different for her this time around so I'm trying not to compare her to canon too much, but her core character is taking a bit of a hit.

She gets an anti-matter generator and her first thought is to completely ignore it and never think about it again? That's just not how I see her reacting. If anything she'd do everything in her power to make sure none of her other powers can endanger those around her like that by learning as much about them as she can. I mean, she didn't even try to figure out if the thing came with an off button. This is a girl that got bug powers and decided to find every possible method to exploit that. Spent near 3 months planning and researching to do that. Here she gets a bunch of mouths across her body and it takes several days or weeks and tattletale for her to actually start even trying to figure out what they can do. Granted she got a "better" power not long after so I can at least let that slide.

I guess it just feels like you're making her overly passive just to facilitate not instantly getting information from the forge and to give a reason for TT to get involved further. Which I guess isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think I'd have minded less if it were an OC, or heck even Amy since ignoring her powers is kind of her whole thing, but using Taylor specifically...
 
Last edited:
Her having zero clue about any of her abilities until she stumbles across them is getting a touch old at this point. What is the point of an MC that doesn't know what they are doing? You are just rehashing canon but with an even more clueless and violent Taylor...
Hard disagree. This is the only think keeping it from being the same as every other celestial X fic
 
I do think it's very strange how far Taylor is trying to go to stay ignorant. I have a very hard time considering her the willful ignorance type. I get the circumstances are very different for her this time around so I'm trying not to compare her to canon too much, but her core character is taking a bit of a hit.

She gets an anti-matter generator and her first thought is to completely ignore it and never think about it again? That's just not how I see her reacting. If anything she'd do everything in her power to make sure none of her other powers can endanger those around her like that by learning as much about them as she can. I mean, she didn't even try to figure out if the thing came with an off button. This is a girl that got bug powers and decided to find every possible method to exploit that. Spent near 3 months planning and researching to do that. Here she gets a bunch of mouths across her body and it takes several days or weeks and tattletale for her to actually start even trying to figure out what they can do. Granted she got a "better" power not long after so I can at least let that slide.

I guess it just feels like you're making her overly passive just to facilitate not instantly getting information from the forge and to give a reason for TT to get involved further. Which I guess isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think I'd have minded less if it were an OC, or heck even Amy since ignoring her powers is kind of her whole thing, but using Taylor specifically...

That's the other thing. Taylor "I literally will never use bugs on my bullies because that would make me like THEM" immediately kills multiple people with zero remorse despite extensive nonlethal options available to her. She's so ooc she's just a murderhobo OC. Her two greatest character traits, her methodical thinking and her aversion towards careless violence (all of her violence is very meticulously plotted and planned out tyvm) are just completely MIA.

Edit: Unfortunately I think I'm just going to have to unwatch this because the fic does not have anything going for it and clashing with the author over their designs will not be productive. I wish you well with what you make of this.
 
Last edited:
That is why Tattletale is here

Yes, but Tattletale isn't doing anything. She isn't even trying to figure anything out, and what info she does get isn't in line with how her power works. Why would she think the crystal is alive if it's just sitting there being shiny? Why isn't she poking the not-gun that clearly has some kind of interface she could study?

You're writing a celestial forge fic, but it's like you're trying to prevent Taylor from building anything.
 
You're writing a celestial forge fic, but it's like you're trying to prevent Taylor from building anything.

I think that's kind of the idea. To see how eldritch the Forge can make Taylor (cue the title) and how strong she can get without any crafting. So, her ignorance about workshop additions and just the specifics of her powers seems intentional in that regard. That part of the fic doesn't bother me, and its a fun idea.

What does bother me though is her complete callousness about getting Sophia's family killed.
 
Hard disagree. This is the only think keeping it from being the same as every other celestial X fic
And why use an existing writing prompt if you are going to butcher how said prompt works? The author could have easily used the same document but a different title. But instead of telling people upfront that they have gimped the expected functionality of the prompt they toss it in the title to gather interest and then frustrate readers by having 'Taylor but she's actively working against understanding anything while being way more bloodthirsty'. And then they claim that Lisa is the one who is going to give the MC the knowledge of how their power works, like she can just pull illogical things out of her rear when she encounters magic or abilities that do not function within the laws of their reality. Like Lisa's shard can accurately determine the full depth of an out-of-context power and not just the obvious...
 
Yeah, I don't really like this chapter very much. It feels sloppy. I agree with the others are saying as well. Taylor should be trying to figure out as much as possible. Instead of whatever she is doing here.
 
Honestly, it wouldn't be so bad if she at least got a vague feeling or idea of what something did. It just makes it unfun to read when you see a character getting all these cool potential things and he amazing and cool things they could do with them and then just watching them not doing anything with them. It just makes you feel like 'what's the point?'. Heck, if you're going for the angle of 'how Eldrich can I make Taylor without making machines to do all the work?', you could go with the idea that due to her early changes focusing on her body giving her a mindset focusing around what ways she can change herself with these powers instead of making something like a bomb or something. Make it so that her mindset makes it so that she would be so focused on changing herself and making herself farther from human (embracing the 'making her eldrich' idea) that it makes sense for her to just not think of other uses for this stuff, a narrowed focus so to speak. Heck, you can still keep her from fully figuring things out while still giving her information by giving her a vague idea of what something is and does. Like the crystal, you could have her get the feeling that it is powerful, semi-alive/organic, and nigh-indestructible and have her try and integrate it into her body for a power boost. As I said, giving her something to do with this stuff while making her less and less human and more eldrich.
 
That is why Tattletale is here



That is a very high (or low) bar to clear sir, and I'm not convinced I've managed it.
Ok, so you want to make Tattletale a more central character in the story. Ok. This could be handled a bit better though, especially because most of the things from the Celestial Forge would be out of context problems meaning her shard and thus she would have next to no clue what any of it does or is any more than she does without it. Maybe give Taylor short text about what these things do and are but not go too in depth of the mechanics of them and make it so that Taylor and Tattletale have to work together more to figure out what it is. This initial information would give Tattletale and her shard something to reasonably work off of and extrapolate from and will keep her closely tied in with Taylor and thus the story (at least until it starts changing Taylor's mindset and shoving enough scientific knowledge and processing power in her head till she can do it herself).
 
I think that's kind of the idea. To see how eldritch the Forge can make Taylor (cue the title) and how strong she can get without any crafting. So, her ignorance about workshop additions and just the specifics of her powers seems intentional in that regard. That part of the fic doesn't bother me, and its a fun idea.

What does bother me though is her complete callousness about getting Sophia's family killed.
I like to think the mindset change is because of how horrifying her powers make her, makes her feel more and more separate from normal humans because she is starting to view herself less and less like a human. You could say her mindset is becoming less and less human and more and more Eldrich.
 
What is the point of an MC that doesn't know what they are doing?

… You don't read much professional-grade fiction, do you? I can't even begin to delineate how much a question like that speaks to a limited level of experience in all sorts of media types, really. Because there are entire genres that revolve around the 'clueless MC' trope, much less just happen to use it as a minor bit of comedy.
 
Last edited:
Rule 4: Don’t Be Disruptive
… You don't read much professional-grade fiction, do you?
I've read your Hive Keeper and have nearly enough E-books to fill a room with if I had physical copies. I suggest that next time you don't deliberately misconstrue a comment to use it to attack someone personally. We are clearly talking about the main character not having any idea of what they are being given instead of general plot level knowledge, but congratulations on showing me that you are an author willing to stoop to personal attacks even when it isn't your story being criticized.

Edit: Nice to see you edited your comment to make it seem less caustic. But no, it isn't comedic at this point. Really any point after her complete failure of outing herself as a cape has any of this been funny, and I suspect your sense of humor if you think the author subjecting the main character to life changing events as funny. The author made the executive decision to gimp the writing prompt and is being fairly criticized now that it is actively dragging down the story.
 
Last edited:
I like to think the mindset change is because of how horrifying her powers make her, makes her feel more and more separate from normal humans because she is starting to view herself less and less like a human. You could say her mindset is becoming less and less human and more and more Eldrich.

Taylor is a suicidal-in-denial bullying victim that triggers TT hard enough she decides one of the most important things she can do is prevent what happened to her brother. Taylor becoming an actually murderous better-bitch-than-bitch is not what her reaction would be. It would be to view herself as a disgusting subhuman too dangerous to interface with society and to retreat even further into herself, deciding to self immolate in the name of the greater good. Like she essentially does in canon.
 
Back
Top