"I've tried being a demon," said Kana guiltily. "If you've got a better idea... I guess I can try being me."
The molten remnants of her attempt at murdering them hissed and crackled as it cooled. It back-lit her, setting the scene for what Utau thought would be one of the stranger conversations she'd ever listened to.
She tried not to react in any visible manner, and failed, clenching Amu's hand again. Maybe trembling a little, because this was all more… real, than any of their normal escapades. X-eggs were…
They were real parts of people. But Utau had, at the time, told herself they weren't.
Or at least she'd tried to.
She'd never- let herself believe- that she was harming anyone.
Except for Amu.
Kana didn't seem to notice, whatever her inner turmoil. Amu had told her the girl tried not to read the mind of anyone but enemies, and Utau was glad to see that that, at least, was true—even if Kana's definition of 'enemy' was far too broad for either her or Iru's liking. Split in half or not. Sane, or not. And yet-
"Hold still, or you won't be anything at all," Shadow-Kana muttered. Kana's expression shifted slightly, a touch of grim amusement flickering across her face. 'So?' she might have said, but didn't.
Amu, being Amu, made a wordless sound of distress in the back of her throat. Amu, also being Amu, didn't pause whatever treatment she was giving Kana.
Therein lay the rub, because the guilt and anguish radiating from the two halves couldn't possibly be fake. Utau would know. She'd felt it as well, after every concert—pushed it down—and nearly drowned in it, before Amu had found her. She'd thought she'd had to, that following Easter's orders was her only choice. Kana had also thought she'd had to. The parallels were far too many, and far too blatant to ignore, and Kana was—well, maybe—twelve. 'A child,' she wanted to say.
It wasn't just the words.
Amu had always come off as older than her years.
Kana did not. Kana came off, especially if you could see her feelings, as someone who was trying to appear in control and older, but who couldn't. Like some of the children she'd worked with when she was still an idol, and Utau might have been one of them—she certainly hadn't been the nicest person at the time. Which meant, she wasn't sure what to say right now.
Mostly because, child or not, she was scared of her.
How had Amu…?
After a long while Shadow-Kana sat back, sighing, and Amu slumped towards Utau with an exhausted yet triumphant look on her face, her shoulders sagging with relief. "Done," Shadow-Kana announced softly. "I couldn't get all of it. We'll need to be careful. But the phoenix is dead, sure enough."
Amu mumbled something unintelligible as Kana straightened, staring at her own shadow with an unreadable expression on her face.
"...thank you," she said eventually, nodding once at Shadow-Kana, who smiled weakly in response. "I guess..."
"Let's just get it over with," Shadow-Kana told her tiredly.
And how was Kana even talking? Her emotions were barely coherent, jumping from guilt to anxiety to impatience with barely a second's pause. Doing several of them simultaneously, in fact. Utau hoped, she really hoped, that Amu knew what she was doing.
Her hand tightened on Amu's again as Shadow-Kana gave them a little wave, turned towards her counterpart, and then evaporated into thin air as the last few pieces of Kana's mind violently slammed together. The girl's back arched before volition drained out of her entirely, leaving her staring blankly at the wall in front of her.
A second passed.
Another.
And a third. Then Kana shook herself awake, blinking rapidly before turning to face the rest of them and smiling hesitantly. "Thank you," she said quietly, a hint of something distant in her voice even as she bowed her head towards them. "All of you." Her eyes remained faintly luminescent, but her emotions had calmed down. "And I'm sorry for..."
Stabbing Amu with mental daggers? Trying to burn Shirogane alive? Nearly going mad? There was a lot to be sorry for-
Utau kicked herself.
"It's okay," Amu said immediately, blissfully ignorant of the fact that it wasn't actually true, not in the slightest—before Kana could finish speaking those words. "I'm just glad you're better now. You are, right? You're okay?" she said hopefully.
Kana thought about that for a moment, and shrugged in response. "...for now?" she offered as an answer. "My head's foggy, and..." She hugged herself, shivering slightly in spite of the sweltering heat from her attempt at killing them. "It doesn't hurt anymore, but..." She shuddered, blinking away tears instead. Her head was full of a mixture of relief, and… even more intense guilt. "It was noisy for so long. It feels weird having my head be so quiet."
Now Utau was starting to feel bad.
"Even so." Kana glanced at Utau again, ducking her head and raising a hand to shield her face. "...I don't know what to do anymore," she said, still staring at the floor below them. "Naomi's been captured. Aoi too, maybe in the same place as Yuna. I couldn't save them. Yui's..." She hesitated again, lowering her hand and looking briefly up at the ceiling above them. "Yui-chan's still somewhere in here." She shivered. "Somewhere," she repeated quietly, half to herself, more a prayer than a statement of fact.
"And your Shadow?" Amu asked quickly.
Disbelief bled into Kana's expression at the question, and she hesitated before replying.
"I'm still here," she said eventually, giving them a smile. "I admitted it, didn't I? I'm just way, way, way too tired to pretend. And I don't want to lose you, Amu, even if that was a mean question. I know why you said it." Kana paused and took a deep breath, calming herself down somewhat before continuing on. "But Yui..." She waved one hand uselessly at their surroundings with an uncomfortable look on her face, turning to look at Shirogane.
Utau let her hand drop.
Kana's emotions had, somehow, simplified. Less guilt, now. Less frustration. More just… raw fear, almost desperation. Only a faint thread of hope underlying all of that. Another set of emotions that she recognised.
"Please, please help me to find her," the young girl pleaded with an intensity that made Utau feel cold in spite of the heat still surrounding them all, her body language shifting from tired and listless to something sharp and raw in an instant; a note of panic in her voice. "Please."
"That is my job," Shirogane replied evenly. For a brief moment a hint of sympathy flickered across the detective's face—which was then replaced by an expression of practised neutrality—before she nodded at Kana. "...Kana-san."
A brief smile flickered across Kana's face at those words, and then it vanished as she slumped slightly in her seat. The girl's body language practically oozed relief as she finally managed to relax, nodding gratefully at Shirogane even as a few stray tears ran down her cheeks.
"Not today, regrettably," Shirogane continued after a short while. "It's become late evening. I still need to get your friends out of here before I do anything else, and I believe you could also do with rest, to recover your balance. Is that alright?"
"...yeah," Kana whispered after a second or so, nodding once and deflating into Amu. She looked years younger than her age. Utau was fairly sure that was just exhaustion finally setting in. "Yeah." She paused, taking another deep breath before speaking again. "Yui will survive. That's right, isn't it? Getting stuck here, in that way... she split into a dozen shadows, not just one, but it should be the same thing... she'll be able to survive it, right? She hasn't been here very long." Kana aimed the question at Shirogane.
"Yes," Shirogane agreed. "There have been cases of people being stranded far longer than a week. A friend of mine had a particularly traumatic experience a few months ago—but she managed to emerge whole and healthy." She shrugged slightly at Kana's uncomfortable glance at the partly melted ruins around them, which had finally stopped glowing—and added; "As did I. I'd never blame a child for their actions in a place like this, or anyone really. You weren't in your right mind."
The guilt bubbled inside of Kana's chest regardless, as did a strong sense of doubt. The girl was too tired to question it, however. The reassurance seemed to be enough for now.
And Utau, once again, kicked herself. It was hard to see the girl in front of her as dangerous.
"Th-thank you," she repeated instead, before looking back at Amu again—a weak smile flickering across her face as she spoke that rapidly faded into something more solemn.
"I shouldn't go home with you," she said quietly. "Love the idea, Amu-chan, but there's no way it's reasonable."
Amu spluttered.
"You've killed people," Shirogane observed neutrally, interrupting before Amu could. "To protect your friends and yourself from a fate worse than death," she continued on, nodding slightly at Kana's uncomfortable flinch, "-but that doesn't mean it's not murder. Is that what you're thinking of? Or your mother, perhaps—she might go after anyone you're close to, if she can?"
"Both?" Kana said, avoiding looking at Utau and Amu as she spoke the words. "She's kind of dangerous? I'd rather not risk it? But mostly..." She hesitated. "...the murders." The girl shook her head and shuddered slightly. "I kept trying not to think about it. I was good at that." She shook her head again as her voice trailed off, struggling for words for a few seconds before managing: "But right now I can't. They deserved to die. I still believe that," she finished fiercely. "But... I killed people, Amu," Kana repeated, a note of hysteria entering her voice. "You can't just ignore that! And you have a little sister already. Do you even have... space for..."
Kana trailed off, staring at Amu with a look of mild confusion on her face.
"Miki... grew?" Amu hazarded, shrugging at Kana's disbelief. "We don't know how to explain it either?" She chuckled weakly, glancing at Utau. "She's taking the guest room right now, until Mom and Dad can figure out what to do. You can meet her later if you want," she added uncertainly. "She's kinda shy, though."
"...I see," Kana replied slowly after a few seconds of stunned silence. She blinked several times in quick succession and then nodded at Amu. "Sure, why not. Why wouldn't your Chara turn into a twin? I'm done being surprised by you."
Utau chose not to say that this wasn't really surprising, in light of Amu's everything, and opted to pat Kana gently on the shoulder instead. Shirogane was giving them a look that was half confusion, half intrigue, before she settled for ignoring the pinkette. Not a terrible idea, really, considering the tide of absurdity that was threatening to derail the conversation. Though she was looking forward to seeing the girl. Miki was fun.
"Getting back on topic," Shirogane said. "We'll discuss your actions later, once I have investigated. It's too early to make any decisions." Kana twitched uncomfortably at those words, a sense of uncertainty settling in. "I would like you to come home with me, however. Do you understand why?"
"...yeah," Kana replied after a few seconds, nodding reluctantly and making a face at Shirogane even as she did so. "You don't trust me. I wouldn't trust me either." Utau certainly didn't.
Amu made to protest at those words, before a touch from Utau stilled her and the girl subsided unhappily, staring holes in Shirogane's shoes instead.
"There is that," Shirogane replied neutrally. "However, I also believe there are additional problems we should discuss once we're home. Those related to the abuse you have suffered." She paused before continuing on: "From your mother, in particular. You haven't had a 'normal' life in... years?" Shirogane asked the question uncertainly, a slight crack in her facade of unflappability.
"I... haven't?" Kana replied hesitantly, biting her lip and avoiding looking at Amu. "I suppose. Since I was nine, maybe? There were still a lot of things I could do? ...I didn't see mom much," she added uncomfortably at Amu's stare, giving Amu a pained smile in return. "She was researching Yui's condition. I was still going to school; Mom taught me on weekends. Until we realised I'm psionic, and the whole thing with the Scavengers happened." She shuddered at those words, all her awkwardness vanishing in an instant as a look of pure self-loathing flashed across her face.
It was an expression Utau was familiar with by now.
"Which would be good reason to put you back in school, if all the safety concerns could be addressed," Shirogane murmured. "Which seems unlikely. There are... problems. Nonetheless, you could be placed in a care home temporarily until some long-term solution can be found. I'm not suggesting such. Can you guess why?"
"Mom," Kana replied promptly; a faint hint of disgust entering her voice as she spoke those words. "She... won't like it," the girl finished uncomfortably after a second or so of hesitation.
Shirogane let out a sigh.
"You're clever, but it's not just you, and I'm not doing this to punish you. I don't think anyone else could give you the help you need. There's also Yui," she said calmly, giving Kana a small shake of her head. "Whom I may need your help to find. First, because you are the one most connected to her. And second-"
She placed a hand on Kana's shoulder, stopping the girl from protesting as she gave her a level stare.
"-because I suspect you would run here on your own, if I didn't let you help."
Kana flinched and then hunched her shoulders inwards in response to those words.
"...and Amu," Kana said. "She picked up some pieces of her."
The 'fox'. Amu opened her mouth and then closed it again.
"We'll discuss it later," Shirogane told her gently. "For now, though…"
"She needs rest," Amu interjected flatly. "Real rest," she stressed as Shirogane stared at her in mild surprise. "She's barely hanging on. If we're leaving, then let's leave." Her voice reflected her inner agitation perfectly—a quiet worry for Kana, intermingled with a better hidden sense of urgency. Something was bothering Amu and it had nothing to do with Shirogane's plans for Kana, which were only practical as far as Utau was concerned anyway.
Utau checked her watch.
Oh. It had nearly been long enough that Midori would call for help. Yes—that would do it. She gave Amu a mental nudge, feeling slightly amused. Amu-chan not wanting to disappoint her parents was… very her, but also rather cute—and not the most critical thing here. Though she was probably right. Kana did feel like she was barely hanging on.
She might have suggested finding Kana somewhere to live. Had thought about it, honestly considered asking Hikaru to find her some small apartment somewhere that she could stay in. That's what Utau would have liked the most, while she was trapped with Easter, before she'd learned to trust her foster parents. And she knew Hikaru could pull it off without anyone asking too many questions.
The question wasn't: 'Did Kana want that.' It wasn't even: 'Did Kana need that?' It was…
Utau really didn't know enough about her to tell what would make the girl happy, other than the fact that Amu would be involved somehow, but Kana had raised a salient point. Utau really… she didn't dislike her, did she? But she couldn't trust her. Kana had hurt Amu. And Utau would ignore that, and would try to pretend it was fine, because it was Amu and Kana seemed rather more stable now, and Amu didn't want anyone to hurt—but that didn't make it okay in Utau's head. It'd take a while before Utau could trust her.
Somebody needed to look out for Amu.
And putting Kana with someone who could shut her down by touching her, was better for everyone involved. Utau hoped Shirogane had a lot of time, though. She couldn't imagine there were too many others like her.
"I'm not that tired," Kana protested.
Amu fixed her with a flat stare in response, and Kana withered under that stare almost immediately; grumbling unhappily but accepting defeat all the same.
"Fine," she said after a few seconds. "Let's... go. I'll do whatever you say." She hesitated again, an uncomfortable expression flashing across her face. Utau could feel a rebellious instinct trying to claw its way back to the surface. It didn't make it.
"...and I can stay with you," Kana continued after a second or so, daring Amu to contradict her as she spoke those words. "Until after... Manticore is dealt with. And everyone is rescued. Then I'll go to jail, I guess." She grimaced and looked away from Amu at those words, choosing to stare at the floor instead as she spoke, a feeling of guilt settling into her again. "...like mom told me I would."
Shirogane's facade cracked slightly at those words. She closed her eyes for a moment or so, taking a deep breath, before opening them again. "We'll see," she said gently. "Please don't assume anything will happen. This might not be as simple as you think, and I'd rather you focus on what matters. Right now, I think, that's a bath and sleep. Then food." She shook her head at Kana's questioning look. "You need your energy."
"Okay," Kana replied quietly, her expression sliding towards numbness. "You're right. Naomi says the same thing."
"We'll talk about Naomi as well, but not until tomorrow."
⁂
Hikaru was waiting downstairs.
Utau wasn't too surprised. The last couple of months he'd made a habit of popping up whenever Ami did, dragged into some mischief or other by his friend's need to indulge in childish things with someone who was still a child—much to his chagrin, honestly, or so he claimed. Utau knew him well enough by now to know better than that. He was reading manga on the couch, presumably filled in by Midori and Ami as they passed.
He perked up as they entered the room, however; eyes focusing on Utau immediately and a relieved smile flickering across his face at the sight of her. "You're back," he said quietly, pushing himself off the couch and nodding once at Amu as he approached them, taking in the other two before refocusing on her. "Was this- was everything okay? Ami-chan said you'd be fine," he added. "I should have known better than to worry."
But worry he had. Utau could tell as much from the way he looked at her. And he couldn't hide his emotions, which were more intense than usual right now; worry and relief and a touch of lingering anxiety in the mix of things he was projecting at the room in general. He'd probably been waiting for an hour by now, trying not to panic and failing miserably; there was a crack through the floor below the staircase which hadn't been there before, so he'd let his emotions get away from him as he waited for something, anything to come back with news of what was going on upstairs.
Kana had taken one look at her cousin and hidden behind Shirogane, which—Utau didn't know what to say about that.
"Sorry," Utau told him quietly. She knelt down to let him give her a hug, letting herself sink into it for a few seconds before pulling away with an apologetic smile on her face. "It got... complicated."
Hikaru nodded, trying not to look too upset as he did so.
"I was scared," he confided. "I heard you call for help. Something weird was going on. I saw the stairwell. And I didn't want to go upstairs, because I was scared I'd break it. Which would hurt you." He looked down at the floor in embarrassment, shuffling his feet awkwardly for a second or so before sighing and looking back up with a determined expression on his face. "Can we go home?" he asked, glancing briefly at the others in the room before returning his attention to Utau again, lingering on Kana as he did so. "There's a car outside. And a driver. I'll take you home."
Utau smiled at him gratefully, reaching out and ruffling his hair. He could be really cute sometimes. "Thanks," she said quietly. "That's perfect. Though can we visit Amu first? ...what time is it?"
"Right," Hikaru agreed readily, looking much happier than he had a few seconds ago. "Of course. ...it's almost nine."
That matched her watch.
Shirogane looked oddly at him for a moment, raising an eyebrow slightly. "Well then," she said. "I'll call a taxi. Kana…" She eyed the girl. "...let's go get you some clothes that don't look like they've been in a fire first."
"...got it," Kana said. "Amu, I…"
Amu gave her a hug. Kana stiffened slightly, then relaxed. Utau could spot a few tears making their way down her cheeks, and that vague sense of rebellion tried to rise up again, but once again failed. Utau couldn't remember the last time she'd seen someone so utterly exhausted yet still standing.
Shirogane untangled her from Amu, ignoring the girl's faint grumble of protest.
"Guess we'll see you later?" Utau said to Shirogane. "...did you give Amu's mother your phone number?"
"I did," Shirogane replied, not reacting outwardly as Kana slumped into her side instead, the girl's eyes half-open and bleary as she vanished from Utau's empathic perception. "I was intending to check in later tonight anyway." She shook her head slightly at Utau's questioning look. "But... Shirogane Naoto. If you search for the name, you'll find me. Contact me if you need anything. Or for an interview, if you have the time. I have... many questions."
She shook her head, then pulled out her phone to make the arrangements.
Utau could finally go home.
It had been quite a day.
= = =
And quite an arc. This marks the end of it, but not the end of its fallout. I'll provide XP updates, voting options and so forth for the upcoming period in a couple of days, but right now you have another choice to make:
Which interludes do you want, before that vote?
You can vote for as many of these as you'd like. Any interlude with two or more votes will be written, though the amount of effort may vary. You can also write in requests, though I reserve the right to veto those.
[ ] Ami's triumphant return home, and what comes from that
- <Midori> Do you think we can get a bulk discount on bunk beds?
[ ] Amu's return home
- Will be merged with Ami's if both are chosen.
[ ] Kana's arrival at Naoto's apartment
- <Kana> This is bigger than I thought.
[ ] Amu's last chat with Nagihiko
- This was before the demon attack.
[ ] Io and Hibiki having a quiet afternoon
- Very saccharine.
[ ] Lulu visiting the library
- Not the family library. The other library, the one with the giant ice crystals in it.
[ ] Misaki's grand adventure
- She's allowed to explore the school!
[ ] A class meeting while Amu is still at JPs
- Will give you some idea about Makoto
[ ] The evening after This Day, Kukai drops by
- <Kukai> You need a bigger couch.
[ ] Saaya's condition
- Nero is writing this. You'll get it when it's ready.
[ ] Write-in
