Windows
FortePlus
The THRILL from Green Hill
- Location
- Toronto
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Scarlet Justice - ep. 66
"Windows"
---
"He just needs another good off-speed pitch, and he'll be set."
"What're you thinking? Slider?"
"Yeah, slider sounds good. Then you can just slam the heater in once you get ahead, know what I mean?"
Intelligence is lively today, mostly because of all the unfamiliar faces floating about. Ibiki did however say that this was a good day to talk about the findings from earlier investigations, in particular those to do with Sasuke and Sakura. The reasoning for running away from the village, the planning, the motivations...at the least, I'll be able to get a glimpse of what was going on inside of their heads. It won't make me forgive them for what they did. But that understanding is important to me all the same.
"Hey, good timing. You alright today?" Ibiki meets me in the middle of the lobby and shakes my hand warmly, as always. He's dressed in his usual black outfit, which makes him look sharp and intimidating when paired with the bandana and facial scars. My outfit today is plain enough, a comfortable tracksuit in powder blue.
"I'm the same as the last time, very much fine."
"Good stuff. Inoichi is taking care of some paperwork, he's gonna meet us in another minute or two. I picked a local coffee spot, one of those smaller places. Owner and I have a good relationship and we use it for a lot of operations as a result. Great place to talk about whatever we want."
"That sounds lovely."
"There are those drinks from the west, too. What was that one...espresso, I think? Like an elephant's foot to the face, I'll tell you. I didn't think it would be anything as a shinobi, even with that 'optimal blend' for folks like us. Ended up bouncing off the walls for a week," he says with a laugh. "We'll be getting the regular stuff today, though I could use a jolt."
"I take it there's been much in the way of interference," I say pointedly.
"Say that twice. We're still not done processing all of the POWs from the invasion, and then all of this additional stuff from the Hidden Sound operations and the retrieval mission. Just piling on lately, really. Nothing we can't handle, but...you know."
"Perfectly understandable. These have been trying times for everyone."
"You especially," Inoichi says as he arrives. "That arm okay?"
"It's fine, sir. Thank you for asking."
"We can be a bit more familiar than that, can't we?" he asks with a smile. "Seriously, it's fine. And I want to thank you for looking after Ino. She talks about you a lot, as I'm sure you know, but you're one of the few really close and trustworthy friends she has."
"Is that so?"
"Hard to believe, right?" The three of us start walking out of the building. "Ino has a lot of friends and people she knows, but it's not often that she can confide in anyone the way I'm sure she does to you."
"I feel much the same way. Ino is very special to me."
"I heard you came over the other day, it's too bad I missed you."
"Must have stopped by before giving the old man hell," Ibiki laughs.
"I don't want to know what you were thinking," Inoichi says, shaking his head.
"I apologize for having less restraint than most," I say with a touch of dryness. "That should be something that comes easier with age."
"I doubt that."
"I do too, but it's always nice to think positively."
"It's little wonder you're so polarizing, Lilith."
"If we're being familiar, Lili is fine, Inoichi."
"Lili it is."
"You're a real breath of fresh air, as I'm sure you know," Ibiki says. "Only thing small about you is your height."
"The inner workings of the shinobi world aren't exactly as I imagined them to be at the start," I say as we walk the streets of the Leaf. "It's more...personal than I was expecting. Filled with all sorts of things that overlap from time to time."
"You were expecting more structure?" Inoichi asks.
"Mm...something like that. I suppose more of a rigid sort of affair. More secrecy, if that makes sense. But this time has taught me a lot, and it does make sense that some relationships are more intimate because of the dangers involved. Life and death, those sorts of risks that can end a life and alter others forever. Popular perception is different..."
"It is heavy," Ibiki says. "Part of it is the fact that you're dealing with all of this since childhood, so you find ways to cope with everything. They might not be healthy, but you don't really get to be selective in your methods. Other than that, I mean...military life is the same as it's always been. You eat, sleep, and breathe with a bunch of guys and girls that might disappear if something goes wrong. It's the human condition. You fight hard for those that you come to care about. You do a lot of things, make a lot of decisions that most people won't ever have to make. Heaven forbid they do, because it means we've all failed in that instance."
"It's a heavy ask, to be sure. As much as I'm used to it and can't really imagine anything else...I don't know. Things should be different. Maybe they could be," Inoichi says.
"I very much believe it could be the case," I say. "Ane-ue has put her time into the creation of a new world for the people she watches over. It will take some time, but...I believe it will come to pass. And I could take some of those lessons and apply them here, in my own way."
"As Hokage, you mean?" Inoichi asks.
"That's not a necessity...and beyond that, there are certain things that I wouldn't be able to do as Hokage, if you understand my meaning."
"Yes, that's right. Private citizens and even high ranking shinobi have the freedom to move as they please. It's an interesting dynamic at play."
"Being one of the most powerful people in the world means you're stuck in a cage. Yeah, there's a sort of irony in that," Ibiki says. "Not that I'm exactly crying for the Five Kage. I feel a bit sorry for the Fourth Kazekage, though. Poor bastard got offed in the prime of his life, after busting his ass trying to save his village from oblivion."
"It is indeed a sad thing," I say. "I have to wonder how it must have felt...knowing that the many things he did were all for naught in the end. His son, made into the village's greatest weapon, and reduced to splinters in front of the world..."
"You make it sound like you had nothing to do with it," Ibiki says.
I shrug. "If not me, it would have been someone else. He should praise heaven in his heart for that sort of controlled experience, and for the wisdom dispensed in my moments of clarity."
"Piece of work, this one."
"What he said," Inoichi says, smiling.
"Just a piece? Surely, I must be an entire cake," I say, smiling back.
We make our way to the middle of the village and stop at the place mentioned earlier, a small, plain-looking cafe. It has an outdoor patio that fits two tables with two chairs each positioned around them. Ibiki pulls up an extra chair as Inoichi and I sit, and the cafe owner comes out to greet us.
"Good morning to you all. It's not terribly busy today, so I can tend to you three," she says. Her brown hair is tied back into a round bun, strands of hair poking out of it. She looks kind and mature, a plain wedding band on her finger shining in the morning light.
"Got some good sandwiches here," Ibiki says. "Actually, I'll order us a few and take care of it when we're done. Get the, uh....the thin beef ones, you remember what I mean."
"Right. Three of those, coming up. They're not too heavy. Sorry, I should introduce myself properly. My name is Mai, and I've known Ibiki for a while now. He's a pretty faithful regular."
"Ah, hard not to be."
"And of course, very flattering whenever he does come around. I'll make sure traffic is kept low for the duration of your stay."
"You don't want us to move inside?" I ask.
"I have another person in today. The last chair will have to go inside since the patio will be closed. Anything to drink?"
"We said we were gonna try your coffee today. One and one for me," Ibiki says to Mai.
"Two and two," Inoichi says.
"Three over two," I say.
"Excellent. Anything else?" Mai asks.
"A bottle of milk, please," I say to her.
"Got it. Skim, one, two, or whole?"
"Two today."
"Thank you very much. I'll be back with your drinks and sandwiches in a little while." Mai nods and pushes the other table into a corner before taking the last chair inside with her.
"Very sharp," I comment as she leaves. "And beautiful, as a bonus."
"Like I said earlier, there are a couple of reasons I frequent this place. Mai's a patriot...not one of those fanatic, give everything for your village and country types, but a patriot all the same. She does whatever she can for the sake of the village and makes some damn good food while she's at it."
"Do you think she would get out of the business?" I ask.
"It'd have to be a big project. The money wouldn't be the biggest sticking point, as long as it's something that benefits the Leaf."
"Mm. I'll have to keep that in mind for later. So...let's talk about recent events. You two said that you had productive discussions with our intrepid explorers a few days earlier."
"We doubled up. Did traditional interrogation first, then set up the mind scans," Ibiki says as he leans back in his chair. "Nothing too difficult. Sasuke was on the quiet side, but he knew where he stood and cooperated. Sakura, not one issue. Sang like she was lead soprano at the opera house. I figure they felt they had no choice, but I was expecting a bit of defiance there. Some indication that they thought they were right to leave, but there really wasn't anything like that there. Just acceptance, an understanding of their positions. As for details...did you want to take it, Inoichi?"
"You can start."
"Alright. So, it really did start during the invasion, all of this...mess," Ibiki says with a lazy gesture. "Sound goons really got into Sasuke's head. He and Sakura considered their words, that he wasn't getting any stronger while in the village and that the best path to power was leaving the village. At this point, Orochimaru's dead. The Sound Four, as he knew them at the time, claimed they had a method to immediately increase Sasuke's strength. They were light on details, naturally. The kids started thinking about it."
"Any thoughts as to it being a bad idea?"
"Oh, yeah. Plenty."
"I take it that Sakura got herself pulled in as a result, and started working on mitigating the potential damage instead of going against Sasuke and possibly getting left behind."
"You see this kid?" Ibiki says with a smile.
"You really should work at Intelligence. Seriously, I'll petition the Hokage on your behalf," Inoichi says.
"I pitched it a few times already, but she's comfortable in the field. Lili's got that sort of firepower that needs to be let off pretty often, know what I mean?"
"That does make it harder, yes. And we couldn't take one of our aces off the front lines, not in a time like this. Or any other time, considering that sort of talent."
"Are you two purposely swelling my ego up? So that you can find a way to pop it like a balloon later?" I ask playfully. "But honestly, I may very well take on a permanent role once my physical strength declines. In the meantime, please call on me whenever you might need me."
"We'll take you up on that. So, we were...at the point where the village was recovering from the invasion, we did a mind scan on Sasuke and found the stuff we talked about earlier. Got the descriptions and some of the abilities of the Sound guys. Not much, though. They clearly held back and it was smart on their part. Kid didn't do too hot, started thinking about where he was in life."
"There were plans made after that, in the invasion aftermath. Things you had to piece together, bit by bit," Inoichi says. "He and Sakura started to assess the village's situation. She was more nervous about him when it came to what they were about to do, but they were both unsure until they saw that a lot of the village elites would be away due to missions and the like. Sakura started to make observations and helped Sasuke settle into the idea. He wouldn't say it, but she did."
"Interesting," I reply. "It seems their co-dependence really did run deep for a long while. I had my suspicions, but..."
"Sorry to interrupt. I have everyone's orders here," Mai says as she returns with a large tray. We get our coffee and sandwiches, along with the bottle of milk for me. She silently leaves and we continue our conversation while sipping coffee. It's quite good, to say the least.
"Ah, that's the stuff. Nothing like some good joe in the morning," Ibiki says.
"To continue...yes, Sasuke and Sakura did pull each other along when it came to this plan," Inoichi continues. "We didn't see much of anything to indicate a defection, and even if we did, it would mean sacrificing valuable manpower to look over a genin on a hunch. A valuable genin, but with the village as it was..."
"That all makes sense. I don't know if it would have been enough, anyways," I say. "There was a certain determination on the part of those Sound shinobi that made a lot of things difficult in the end."
"Something like that. Sakura did a lot of the heavy lifting, taking it upon herself to find the right time to set out for both of them. Someone impulsive would try to mask their movements with those of the outgoing strike forces. Someone a little bit smarter..."
"Would use the small gap before then, when everyone was rushing to prepare for those large missions," I finish.
"Pinching our resources as thin as possible. There was a calculation on both their parts, that if anyone was sent after them, they would be unfamiliar types focused on completing the mission, and with certain profiles on them as a result," Ibiki explains. "There was a specific mindset, something they would use to better engage their enemy, maybe even shake them off without having to really do anything drastic. But they were prepared to commit crimes against their fellow shinobi, if they had to."
I sip at my coffee and turn to Inoichi, with Ibiki starting on his sandwich. "So they prepared, and started off in the night...Ino was an unexpected arrival, of course. They didn't know what had happened to her once they started to leave. What led to all of that? What exactly happened?"
"Well, this is the part where it gets really messy. Sasuke...wanted to leave Sakura behind. It was in his head the entire time. Sakura meanwhile was scheming to make Sasuke take her with him. Those were sort of competing threads until a new wrinkle appeared the night of."
"New wrinkle?"
"That kid with white hair, called Kimimaro Kaguya. You were the one that took him down, from what the reports say."
"That is true, yes."
"He's a bit later in, when they're leaving the village proper," Ibiki says in between bites. "The other goons were applying their own pressure, though."
"Yes, Sasuke got caught with Sakura before he could convince her to go away, because of the time they spent arguing with Ino," Inoichi explains. "Even as he was kicking himself for not acting sooner, he sold Sakura's skill to the Sound Four and leveraged her ability to perform some advanced first aid so that his escorts wouldn't see her as a complete liability."
"Even the Devil shows sympathy in the worst of times," I say.
"Cold." Ibiki sips at his coffee. "Not that I blame you for any of it."
"Those implicit threats were reinforced later by that Kimimaro fellow, but...the four already there made an excuse that they had to check their exit point, and lied about whose blood they spilled when they came back from beating Ino senseless. The animals ended up leaving after that with Sasuke and Sakura," Inoichi says, a little bitterly. But that only makes sense after having to think about what that trash did to his daughter.
"So Sakura was effectively a hostage. That means there's some truth to that kidnapping cover story, I suppose. There's other relevant analysis, I'm sure," I say.
"Yeah. Start on your sandwiches, they're best when fresh," Ibiki instructs.
I do so, biting into my meal. Wonderful textures all around. Crisp vegetables and bread, with a delightfully creamy mayonnaise that helps bring out the flavour of the meat. This sort of thing...olive, or olive oil, maybe? Either way, it's very good. Little wonder Ibiki loves this place so much.
"The wonder twins there actually had a plan. Long term thing," Ibiki starts. "Orochimaru's dead, so the primary architect is gone, out of the picture. That's a temporary problem for the most part. The plan was to break out, get some extra power from Orochimaru's goons since they guaranteed a way. Flexed their curse powers from what we saw of those two's memories. It was temporary death, they said. Some ritual that would increase the power and control that Sasuke had over his curse mark. Put him in a big barrel until he was ready after feeding him a pill, something they called a 'mind awakening' pill. Sasuke took it and they sealed him up nice and tight. So the plan was to gain power on the way up north with his escorts leading. The group would make it safely to the Sound, rest and regroup, then organize a suicide squad to go back to the Leaf, sneak in through the barrier again, and bust out Kabuto. Bit of a dispute over whether that Kimimaro kid could go and do it himself."
"He may have pushed for it, being on borrowed time," I say after wiping my mouth with a napkin.
"I was getting that impression myself, like he was in a real rush even if he looked perfectly calm and fine otherwise. He was really on his last legs when you fought him, according to what Sakura said. Didn't show up at the invasion because he was too sick; originally he was one of Orochimaru's favourites, but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. So he was kept alive mainly for studies and the like. Anyways...after getting Kabuto back, they'd use his knowledge to continue what Orochimaru had started. Sakura would learn some useful stuff while there, and Sasuke would train to get stronger in his own way. Did their usual thing of convincing each other that it was fine and okay, and just the right thing to do at that point."
"Were they thinking of running off?"
"At some point. It would have been when Sasuke felt the time was right, and they'd just take off into another country, work as mercs with their skills and traipse around for a while picking up information related to their final goal."
"Killing Itachi Uchiha."
"Yeah. They were also discussing trying to get back into the Leaf, using information they picked up in the Sound as a bargaining chip. Maybe once things cooled down a little."
"Not a very sound plan, but it was to be expected. So they were going to make an attempt to use the Hidden Sound's resources before abandoning them, and then travelling to parts unknown."
"It's definitely complicated on all sides."
"I'm not sure what to think, even now. I know a lot from before...I understand that Sasuke has his own trauma and complexes to deal with, that make these decisions so much harder than they should be. And Sakura, in her honest attempt to help him, only made things worse. The only real decision would be to walk away from Orochimaru's promises at the start." I sigh. "But if it were that easy to do, Sasuke probably wouldn't have been a target in the first place."
"How does knowing all of this make you feel?" Inoichi asks.
"It doesn't make me feel any different. I still hate them both for what they did. Something, anything aside from that sort of betrayal would have been easier to forgive. I can understand the pain that kept spurring them forward, but I don't feel any extra sympathy. There's no sudden burst of kindness, nothing to soften me towards them on a personal level. I had a hope that maybe something would change when I heard about their plans, that seeing it from different angles would reach me in some small way. But...nothing. So much risk for these people, and there's nothing. It isn't anger, or relief, or any sort of notable emotion. These are just more notes and pictures and bits of string pinned to the cork board."
"I see."
"It's not normal, is it?"
"I wouldn't know. But you're not a normal sort of person, Lili."
"I know that much, but...sometimes it feels unpleasant, being so out of step in this world. You want to do your best. That means trying to connect with the people and the procedures they follow. Things like that. It's not a matter of functioning or not functioning. Nothing so binary as that. But there are things that I want to accomplish, eventually. Being a quirky, queer little thing is fine enough, but it's not a cure-all. It's not a substitute for interaction with the wider world."
"Ino tells me that you can get very deep when you want to. I see what she's talking about now."
I shrug and sip at my coffee. "I have these moments of clarity from time to time."
"So what did you want to do after this? Now that you know more about the defection, I mean," Ibiki asks.
I think for a moment on that. "Do you know where Sakura is, by chance?"
"Not right now, but we have her schedule for the rest of the day. I can make a few calls, figure out where she'll be later."
"If you could."
"Give me a second, then. I'll use the phone inside. You guys want anything else?"
"Another cup here," I say.
"Yeah, same," Inoichi says.
"Got it." Ibiki grunts and gets up, walking inside the cafe.
---
Sakura is leaving a small building with what looks to be a nurse at her side. She spots me, breaks off her conversation, and approaches me as the other girl leaves.
It's been about two hours since my meeting with Ibiki and Inoichi. I really want to make sure...did I miss something, at some point? Is there something I'm not seeing? I don't know for sure, but maybe I can find out here.
"Lilith. I heard that you wanted to speak to me..."
Her hair has started growing out again, though it's consistently tied back behind her head. She still wears her headband on top of her head, and carries a large leather bag on her shoulder that seems to be filled with books. Those green eyes that used to be filled with emotion have had nearly all their light drained away, and her voice is flat, nearly toneless with little of her old personality in it.
All those reports were correct. She really is about to fade away.
"I just...wanted to see if I could understand."
"Understand?"
"You. Understand you, and everything that you did. Leaving the village, getting us hurt...things of that nature. I wanted to see if I could figure out something, if something would change."
"Has it?" she asks.
"Not at all."
"I...I see. Do you-"
"I hated what you did. I think I always will. I don't think I have it in me to forgive you, but I won't stand over you with it. I won't get in your way, I won't hurt you, I won't...I won't throw myself into your life just to spite you. You have to continue to exist as a person, as a human being. I know that much. It has to be that way."
"..."
"I wanted to talk, to have a conversation, to figure these things out," I say while shaking my head. "But I can't. There's really nothing. I don't have anything for you, I don't have anything inside of my head."
"You...heard about everything," she says timidly.
"I heard about everything. Your plans, your thoughts, the things you wanted out of your life with Sasuke, or what it was supposed to be. Maybe not everything inside of your head, but enough. It doesn't...mean anything to me. I simply don't care."
"Lilith...I'm sorry-"
"Don't." I hold my hands up. "Please. Don't do that. Don't tell me you're sorry. Sakura, it's meaningless. Okay? It's meaningless, it's worthless. Your apologies are nothing to me. They mean nothing. I don't care. I...you have value as a person, as someone who's part of this village. I want you to succeed, truly. Not just for my own purposes, either. You can do things for the village that nobody else can. You have value in Sasuke's eyes, and he will need you when he wakes up and starts to recover. I think you're the only one who can truly reach him as he is."
"But...but I..."
"I know. I know that it's confusing. I'm confusing. I can be a mess sometimes, I understand that. I try my best. But it's meaningless coming from you, you have to understand that. You have to understand that after everything you've done, I can't just let it go all of a sudden. I didn't come here to mock you with that, I truly wanted more...I wanted something more than this to come out of it, but just looking at you now..."
I sigh and run a hand through my hair.
"I'm sorry. I should go. I...will see you around at some point, Sakura."
"I denied it."
She raises her hands to her chest, and I can see the damage on them. Cuts and bruises, places where they've been rubbed raw.
"I denied it, I tried to run away from it all. I didn't mean to...I was just trying to be there."
"I know."
"You know?"
"I knew from the moment you said those words. That 'it was an accident'. You wanted to believe it, and in the boy who was so heroic, who gave so much for you on that dangerous mission way back when."
"..."
"But there's nothing I can appreciate about that apology, one that came after so much strife, and in a time and place that was too late for both of us. I hate you, Sakura. It's so sad. But I can't stand you. There's enough in me for all of those other things I mentioned, and I know it doesn't make sense to you. I can't stand you. I really can't."
"..."
"I really wanted it to be different, you know. I really did..."
I turn my back on her and put my hands in my pockets.
"Maybe one day soon, we'll be able to figure it out. Until then, we will just have to live our lives."
"What can I do? Isn't there something I can do?!" she pleads. I don't turn to face her.
"..."
"Lilith...please."
"You're stronger than this, Sakura. What you can do for me is work for this village, our home. Cherish it. Protect it. But even then...I won't absolve you, Sakura. There's just too much for me to do that all of a sudden."
I wanted more than this. I wanted more than just to hate her, to despise her for simply being, to think so badly of her even while she's suffering.
But I can only walk away, leaving my thoughts from today to settle. I know everything that has happened. I understand it clearly. I have made my decisions.
And so, it's time to move forward.
"Windows"
---
"He just needs another good off-speed pitch, and he'll be set."
"What're you thinking? Slider?"
"Yeah, slider sounds good. Then you can just slam the heater in once you get ahead, know what I mean?"
Intelligence is lively today, mostly because of all the unfamiliar faces floating about. Ibiki did however say that this was a good day to talk about the findings from earlier investigations, in particular those to do with Sasuke and Sakura. The reasoning for running away from the village, the planning, the motivations...at the least, I'll be able to get a glimpse of what was going on inside of their heads. It won't make me forgive them for what they did. But that understanding is important to me all the same.
"Hey, good timing. You alright today?" Ibiki meets me in the middle of the lobby and shakes my hand warmly, as always. He's dressed in his usual black outfit, which makes him look sharp and intimidating when paired with the bandana and facial scars. My outfit today is plain enough, a comfortable tracksuit in powder blue.
"I'm the same as the last time, very much fine."
"Good stuff. Inoichi is taking care of some paperwork, he's gonna meet us in another minute or two. I picked a local coffee spot, one of those smaller places. Owner and I have a good relationship and we use it for a lot of operations as a result. Great place to talk about whatever we want."
"That sounds lovely."
"There are those drinks from the west, too. What was that one...espresso, I think? Like an elephant's foot to the face, I'll tell you. I didn't think it would be anything as a shinobi, even with that 'optimal blend' for folks like us. Ended up bouncing off the walls for a week," he says with a laugh. "We'll be getting the regular stuff today, though I could use a jolt."
"I take it there's been much in the way of interference," I say pointedly.
"Say that twice. We're still not done processing all of the POWs from the invasion, and then all of this additional stuff from the Hidden Sound operations and the retrieval mission. Just piling on lately, really. Nothing we can't handle, but...you know."
"Perfectly understandable. These have been trying times for everyone."
"You especially," Inoichi says as he arrives. "That arm okay?"
"It's fine, sir. Thank you for asking."
"We can be a bit more familiar than that, can't we?" he asks with a smile. "Seriously, it's fine. And I want to thank you for looking after Ino. She talks about you a lot, as I'm sure you know, but you're one of the few really close and trustworthy friends she has."
"Is that so?"
"Hard to believe, right?" The three of us start walking out of the building. "Ino has a lot of friends and people she knows, but it's not often that she can confide in anyone the way I'm sure she does to you."
"I feel much the same way. Ino is very special to me."
"I heard you came over the other day, it's too bad I missed you."
"Must have stopped by before giving the old man hell," Ibiki laughs.
"I don't want to know what you were thinking," Inoichi says, shaking his head.
"I apologize for having less restraint than most," I say with a touch of dryness. "That should be something that comes easier with age."
"I doubt that."
"I do too, but it's always nice to think positively."
"It's little wonder you're so polarizing, Lilith."
"If we're being familiar, Lili is fine, Inoichi."
"Lili it is."
"You're a real breath of fresh air, as I'm sure you know," Ibiki says. "Only thing small about you is your height."
"The inner workings of the shinobi world aren't exactly as I imagined them to be at the start," I say as we walk the streets of the Leaf. "It's more...personal than I was expecting. Filled with all sorts of things that overlap from time to time."
"You were expecting more structure?" Inoichi asks.
"Mm...something like that. I suppose more of a rigid sort of affair. More secrecy, if that makes sense. But this time has taught me a lot, and it does make sense that some relationships are more intimate because of the dangers involved. Life and death, those sorts of risks that can end a life and alter others forever. Popular perception is different..."
"It is heavy," Ibiki says. "Part of it is the fact that you're dealing with all of this since childhood, so you find ways to cope with everything. They might not be healthy, but you don't really get to be selective in your methods. Other than that, I mean...military life is the same as it's always been. You eat, sleep, and breathe with a bunch of guys and girls that might disappear if something goes wrong. It's the human condition. You fight hard for those that you come to care about. You do a lot of things, make a lot of decisions that most people won't ever have to make. Heaven forbid they do, because it means we've all failed in that instance."
"It's a heavy ask, to be sure. As much as I'm used to it and can't really imagine anything else...I don't know. Things should be different. Maybe they could be," Inoichi says.
"I very much believe it could be the case," I say. "Ane-ue has put her time into the creation of a new world for the people she watches over. It will take some time, but...I believe it will come to pass. And I could take some of those lessons and apply them here, in my own way."
"As Hokage, you mean?" Inoichi asks.
"That's not a necessity...and beyond that, there are certain things that I wouldn't be able to do as Hokage, if you understand my meaning."
"Yes, that's right. Private citizens and even high ranking shinobi have the freedom to move as they please. It's an interesting dynamic at play."
"Being one of the most powerful people in the world means you're stuck in a cage. Yeah, there's a sort of irony in that," Ibiki says. "Not that I'm exactly crying for the Five Kage. I feel a bit sorry for the Fourth Kazekage, though. Poor bastard got offed in the prime of his life, after busting his ass trying to save his village from oblivion."
"It is indeed a sad thing," I say. "I have to wonder how it must have felt...knowing that the many things he did were all for naught in the end. His son, made into the village's greatest weapon, and reduced to splinters in front of the world..."
"You make it sound like you had nothing to do with it," Ibiki says.
I shrug. "If not me, it would have been someone else. He should praise heaven in his heart for that sort of controlled experience, and for the wisdom dispensed in my moments of clarity."
"Piece of work, this one."
"What he said," Inoichi says, smiling.
"Just a piece? Surely, I must be an entire cake," I say, smiling back.
We make our way to the middle of the village and stop at the place mentioned earlier, a small, plain-looking cafe. It has an outdoor patio that fits two tables with two chairs each positioned around them. Ibiki pulls up an extra chair as Inoichi and I sit, and the cafe owner comes out to greet us.
"Good morning to you all. It's not terribly busy today, so I can tend to you three," she says. Her brown hair is tied back into a round bun, strands of hair poking out of it. She looks kind and mature, a plain wedding band on her finger shining in the morning light.
"Got some good sandwiches here," Ibiki says. "Actually, I'll order us a few and take care of it when we're done. Get the, uh....the thin beef ones, you remember what I mean."
"Right. Three of those, coming up. They're not too heavy. Sorry, I should introduce myself properly. My name is Mai, and I've known Ibiki for a while now. He's a pretty faithful regular."
"Ah, hard not to be."
"And of course, very flattering whenever he does come around. I'll make sure traffic is kept low for the duration of your stay."
"You don't want us to move inside?" I ask.
"I have another person in today. The last chair will have to go inside since the patio will be closed. Anything to drink?"
"We said we were gonna try your coffee today. One and one for me," Ibiki says to Mai.
"Two and two," Inoichi says.
"Three over two," I say.
"Excellent. Anything else?" Mai asks.
"A bottle of milk, please," I say to her.
"Got it. Skim, one, two, or whole?"
"Two today."
"Thank you very much. I'll be back with your drinks and sandwiches in a little while." Mai nods and pushes the other table into a corner before taking the last chair inside with her.
"Very sharp," I comment as she leaves. "And beautiful, as a bonus."
"Like I said earlier, there are a couple of reasons I frequent this place. Mai's a patriot...not one of those fanatic, give everything for your village and country types, but a patriot all the same. She does whatever she can for the sake of the village and makes some damn good food while she's at it."
"Do you think she would get out of the business?" I ask.
"It'd have to be a big project. The money wouldn't be the biggest sticking point, as long as it's something that benefits the Leaf."
"Mm. I'll have to keep that in mind for later. So...let's talk about recent events. You two said that you had productive discussions with our intrepid explorers a few days earlier."
"We doubled up. Did traditional interrogation first, then set up the mind scans," Ibiki says as he leans back in his chair. "Nothing too difficult. Sasuke was on the quiet side, but he knew where he stood and cooperated. Sakura, not one issue. Sang like she was lead soprano at the opera house. I figure they felt they had no choice, but I was expecting a bit of defiance there. Some indication that they thought they were right to leave, but there really wasn't anything like that there. Just acceptance, an understanding of their positions. As for details...did you want to take it, Inoichi?"
"You can start."
"Alright. So, it really did start during the invasion, all of this...mess," Ibiki says with a lazy gesture. "Sound goons really got into Sasuke's head. He and Sakura considered their words, that he wasn't getting any stronger while in the village and that the best path to power was leaving the village. At this point, Orochimaru's dead. The Sound Four, as he knew them at the time, claimed they had a method to immediately increase Sasuke's strength. They were light on details, naturally. The kids started thinking about it."
"Any thoughts as to it being a bad idea?"
"Oh, yeah. Plenty."
"I take it that Sakura got herself pulled in as a result, and started working on mitigating the potential damage instead of going against Sasuke and possibly getting left behind."
"You see this kid?" Ibiki says with a smile.
"You really should work at Intelligence. Seriously, I'll petition the Hokage on your behalf," Inoichi says.
"I pitched it a few times already, but she's comfortable in the field. Lili's got that sort of firepower that needs to be let off pretty often, know what I mean?"
"That does make it harder, yes. And we couldn't take one of our aces off the front lines, not in a time like this. Or any other time, considering that sort of talent."
"Are you two purposely swelling my ego up? So that you can find a way to pop it like a balloon later?" I ask playfully. "But honestly, I may very well take on a permanent role once my physical strength declines. In the meantime, please call on me whenever you might need me."
"We'll take you up on that. So, we were...at the point where the village was recovering from the invasion, we did a mind scan on Sasuke and found the stuff we talked about earlier. Got the descriptions and some of the abilities of the Sound guys. Not much, though. They clearly held back and it was smart on their part. Kid didn't do too hot, started thinking about where he was in life."
"There were plans made after that, in the invasion aftermath. Things you had to piece together, bit by bit," Inoichi says. "He and Sakura started to assess the village's situation. She was more nervous about him when it came to what they were about to do, but they were both unsure until they saw that a lot of the village elites would be away due to missions and the like. Sakura started to make observations and helped Sasuke settle into the idea. He wouldn't say it, but she did."
"Interesting," I reply. "It seems their co-dependence really did run deep for a long while. I had my suspicions, but..."
"Sorry to interrupt. I have everyone's orders here," Mai says as she returns with a large tray. We get our coffee and sandwiches, along with the bottle of milk for me. She silently leaves and we continue our conversation while sipping coffee. It's quite good, to say the least.
"Ah, that's the stuff. Nothing like some good joe in the morning," Ibiki says.
"To continue...yes, Sasuke and Sakura did pull each other along when it came to this plan," Inoichi continues. "We didn't see much of anything to indicate a defection, and even if we did, it would mean sacrificing valuable manpower to look over a genin on a hunch. A valuable genin, but with the village as it was..."
"That all makes sense. I don't know if it would have been enough, anyways," I say. "There was a certain determination on the part of those Sound shinobi that made a lot of things difficult in the end."
"Something like that. Sakura did a lot of the heavy lifting, taking it upon herself to find the right time to set out for both of them. Someone impulsive would try to mask their movements with those of the outgoing strike forces. Someone a little bit smarter..."
"Would use the small gap before then, when everyone was rushing to prepare for those large missions," I finish.
"Pinching our resources as thin as possible. There was a calculation on both their parts, that if anyone was sent after them, they would be unfamiliar types focused on completing the mission, and with certain profiles on them as a result," Ibiki explains. "There was a specific mindset, something they would use to better engage their enemy, maybe even shake them off without having to really do anything drastic. But they were prepared to commit crimes against their fellow shinobi, if they had to."
I sip at my coffee and turn to Inoichi, with Ibiki starting on his sandwich. "So they prepared, and started off in the night...Ino was an unexpected arrival, of course. They didn't know what had happened to her once they started to leave. What led to all of that? What exactly happened?"
"Well, this is the part where it gets really messy. Sasuke...wanted to leave Sakura behind. It was in his head the entire time. Sakura meanwhile was scheming to make Sasuke take her with him. Those were sort of competing threads until a new wrinkle appeared the night of."
"New wrinkle?"
"That kid with white hair, called Kimimaro Kaguya. You were the one that took him down, from what the reports say."
"That is true, yes."
"He's a bit later in, when they're leaving the village proper," Ibiki says in between bites. "The other goons were applying their own pressure, though."
"Yes, Sasuke got caught with Sakura before he could convince her to go away, because of the time they spent arguing with Ino," Inoichi explains. "Even as he was kicking himself for not acting sooner, he sold Sakura's skill to the Sound Four and leveraged her ability to perform some advanced first aid so that his escorts wouldn't see her as a complete liability."
"Even the Devil shows sympathy in the worst of times," I say.
"Cold." Ibiki sips at his coffee. "Not that I blame you for any of it."
"Those implicit threats were reinforced later by that Kimimaro fellow, but...the four already there made an excuse that they had to check their exit point, and lied about whose blood they spilled when they came back from beating Ino senseless. The animals ended up leaving after that with Sasuke and Sakura," Inoichi says, a little bitterly. But that only makes sense after having to think about what that trash did to his daughter.
"So Sakura was effectively a hostage. That means there's some truth to that kidnapping cover story, I suppose. There's other relevant analysis, I'm sure," I say.
"Yeah. Start on your sandwiches, they're best when fresh," Ibiki instructs.
I do so, biting into my meal. Wonderful textures all around. Crisp vegetables and bread, with a delightfully creamy mayonnaise that helps bring out the flavour of the meat. This sort of thing...olive, or olive oil, maybe? Either way, it's very good. Little wonder Ibiki loves this place so much.
"The wonder twins there actually had a plan. Long term thing," Ibiki starts. "Orochimaru's dead, so the primary architect is gone, out of the picture. That's a temporary problem for the most part. The plan was to break out, get some extra power from Orochimaru's goons since they guaranteed a way. Flexed their curse powers from what we saw of those two's memories. It was temporary death, they said. Some ritual that would increase the power and control that Sasuke had over his curse mark. Put him in a big barrel until he was ready after feeding him a pill, something they called a 'mind awakening' pill. Sasuke took it and they sealed him up nice and tight. So the plan was to gain power on the way up north with his escorts leading. The group would make it safely to the Sound, rest and regroup, then organize a suicide squad to go back to the Leaf, sneak in through the barrier again, and bust out Kabuto. Bit of a dispute over whether that Kimimaro kid could go and do it himself."
"He may have pushed for it, being on borrowed time," I say after wiping my mouth with a napkin.
"I was getting that impression myself, like he was in a real rush even if he looked perfectly calm and fine otherwise. He was really on his last legs when you fought him, according to what Sakura said. Didn't show up at the invasion because he was too sick; originally he was one of Orochimaru's favourites, but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. So he was kept alive mainly for studies and the like. Anyways...after getting Kabuto back, they'd use his knowledge to continue what Orochimaru had started. Sakura would learn some useful stuff while there, and Sasuke would train to get stronger in his own way. Did their usual thing of convincing each other that it was fine and okay, and just the right thing to do at that point."
"Were they thinking of running off?"
"At some point. It would have been when Sasuke felt the time was right, and they'd just take off into another country, work as mercs with their skills and traipse around for a while picking up information related to their final goal."
"Killing Itachi Uchiha."
"Yeah. They were also discussing trying to get back into the Leaf, using information they picked up in the Sound as a bargaining chip. Maybe once things cooled down a little."
"Not a very sound plan, but it was to be expected. So they were going to make an attempt to use the Hidden Sound's resources before abandoning them, and then travelling to parts unknown."
"It's definitely complicated on all sides."
"I'm not sure what to think, even now. I know a lot from before...I understand that Sasuke has his own trauma and complexes to deal with, that make these decisions so much harder than they should be. And Sakura, in her honest attempt to help him, only made things worse. The only real decision would be to walk away from Orochimaru's promises at the start." I sigh. "But if it were that easy to do, Sasuke probably wouldn't have been a target in the first place."
"How does knowing all of this make you feel?" Inoichi asks.
"It doesn't make me feel any different. I still hate them both for what they did. Something, anything aside from that sort of betrayal would have been easier to forgive. I can understand the pain that kept spurring them forward, but I don't feel any extra sympathy. There's no sudden burst of kindness, nothing to soften me towards them on a personal level. I had a hope that maybe something would change when I heard about their plans, that seeing it from different angles would reach me in some small way. But...nothing. So much risk for these people, and there's nothing. It isn't anger, or relief, or any sort of notable emotion. These are just more notes and pictures and bits of string pinned to the cork board."
"I see."
"It's not normal, is it?"
"I wouldn't know. But you're not a normal sort of person, Lili."
"I know that much, but...sometimes it feels unpleasant, being so out of step in this world. You want to do your best. That means trying to connect with the people and the procedures they follow. Things like that. It's not a matter of functioning or not functioning. Nothing so binary as that. But there are things that I want to accomplish, eventually. Being a quirky, queer little thing is fine enough, but it's not a cure-all. It's not a substitute for interaction with the wider world."
"Ino tells me that you can get very deep when you want to. I see what she's talking about now."
I shrug and sip at my coffee. "I have these moments of clarity from time to time."
"So what did you want to do after this? Now that you know more about the defection, I mean," Ibiki asks.
I think for a moment on that. "Do you know where Sakura is, by chance?"
"Not right now, but we have her schedule for the rest of the day. I can make a few calls, figure out where she'll be later."
"If you could."
"Give me a second, then. I'll use the phone inside. You guys want anything else?"
"Another cup here," I say.
"Yeah, same," Inoichi says.
"Got it." Ibiki grunts and gets up, walking inside the cafe.
---
Sakura is leaving a small building with what looks to be a nurse at her side. She spots me, breaks off her conversation, and approaches me as the other girl leaves.
It's been about two hours since my meeting with Ibiki and Inoichi. I really want to make sure...did I miss something, at some point? Is there something I'm not seeing? I don't know for sure, but maybe I can find out here.
"Lilith. I heard that you wanted to speak to me..."
Her hair has started growing out again, though it's consistently tied back behind her head. She still wears her headband on top of her head, and carries a large leather bag on her shoulder that seems to be filled with books. Those green eyes that used to be filled with emotion have had nearly all their light drained away, and her voice is flat, nearly toneless with little of her old personality in it.
All those reports were correct. She really is about to fade away.
"I just...wanted to see if I could understand."
"Understand?"
"You. Understand you, and everything that you did. Leaving the village, getting us hurt...things of that nature. I wanted to see if I could figure out something, if something would change."
"Has it?" she asks.
"Not at all."
"I...I see. Do you-"
"I hated what you did. I think I always will. I don't think I have it in me to forgive you, but I won't stand over you with it. I won't get in your way, I won't hurt you, I won't...I won't throw myself into your life just to spite you. You have to continue to exist as a person, as a human being. I know that much. It has to be that way."
"..."
"I wanted to talk, to have a conversation, to figure these things out," I say while shaking my head. "But I can't. There's really nothing. I don't have anything for you, I don't have anything inside of my head."
"You...heard about everything," she says timidly.
"I heard about everything. Your plans, your thoughts, the things you wanted out of your life with Sasuke, or what it was supposed to be. Maybe not everything inside of your head, but enough. It doesn't...mean anything to me. I simply don't care."
"Lilith...I'm sorry-"
"Don't." I hold my hands up. "Please. Don't do that. Don't tell me you're sorry. Sakura, it's meaningless. Okay? It's meaningless, it's worthless. Your apologies are nothing to me. They mean nothing. I don't care. I...you have value as a person, as someone who's part of this village. I want you to succeed, truly. Not just for my own purposes, either. You can do things for the village that nobody else can. You have value in Sasuke's eyes, and he will need you when he wakes up and starts to recover. I think you're the only one who can truly reach him as he is."
"But...but I..."
"I know. I know that it's confusing. I'm confusing. I can be a mess sometimes, I understand that. I try my best. But it's meaningless coming from you, you have to understand that. You have to understand that after everything you've done, I can't just let it go all of a sudden. I didn't come here to mock you with that, I truly wanted more...I wanted something more than this to come out of it, but just looking at you now..."
I sigh and run a hand through my hair.
"I'm sorry. I should go. I...will see you around at some point, Sakura."
"I denied it."
She raises her hands to her chest, and I can see the damage on them. Cuts and bruises, places where they've been rubbed raw.
"I denied it, I tried to run away from it all. I didn't mean to...I was just trying to be there."
"I know."
"You know?"
"I knew from the moment you said those words. That 'it was an accident'. You wanted to believe it, and in the boy who was so heroic, who gave so much for you on that dangerous mission way back when."
"..."
"But there's nothing I can appreciate about that apology, one that came after so much strife, and in a time and place that was too late for both of us. I hate you, Sakura. It's so sad. But I can't stand you. There's enough in me for all of those other things I mentioned, and I know it doesn't make sense to you. I can't stand you. I really can't."
"..."
"I really wanted it to be different, you know. I really did..."
I turn my back on her and put my hands in my pockets.
"Maybe one day soon, we'll be able to figure it out. Until then, we will just have to live our lives."
"What can I do? Isn't there something I can do?!" she pleads. I don't turn to face her.
"..."
"Lilith...please."
"You're stronger than this, Sakura. What you can do for me is work for this village, our home. Cherish it. Protect it. But even then...I won't absolve you, Sakura. There's just too much for me to do that all of a sudden."
I wanted more than this. I wanted more than just to hate her, to despise her for simply being, to think so badly of her even while she's suffering.
But I can only walk away, leaving my thoughts from today to settle. I know everything that has happened. I understand it clearly. I have made my decisions.
And so, it's time to move forward.
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