Sakura Haruno The Gaming Addict, and Her Gamified Life [Naruto]
- Thread starter Sendicard
- Start date
I had a mental image of Neji coming out to reading with one hand while he fights and Gai crumpled dramatically at how his hip and cool rival had corrupted his most hip and cool student.
Shadow Archon
Protoss Preserver
- Location
- Louisiana
Currently outside the Dungeon...
Rock Lee is eating soup. He slurps his spoon full of broth. He sips some tea. He leans back in his chair and looks outside the window. The town is quiet. The day is quiet. Everything is quiet.
...
...
It's kind of boring. He thinks about training to make the most of the time, but banishes the thought once more. He's on a mission. He has to be professional. His sensei is watching. He can't be distracted by training. Even a single light rep of a hundred push-ups, a hundred sit-ups, a hundred squats, and a ten kilometer run would distract him far too much from the mission. Anything less than that wouldn't be worth the exertion. He has to be alert and be ready. For at any moment, his teammates may need him to act.
...
...
Any moment now.
...
...
Lee sighs. He slurps his soup. He drinks his tea. He hopes his teammates aren't as bored as he is.
Rock Lee is eating soup. He slurps his spoon full of broth. He sips some tea. He leans back in his chair and looks outside the window. The town is quiet. The day is quiet. Everything is quiet.
...
...
It's kind of boring. He thinks about training to make the most of the time, but banishes the thought once more. He's on a mission. He has to be professional. His sensei is watching. He can't be distracted by training. Even a single light rep of a hundred push-ups, a hundred sit-ups, a hundred squats, and a ten kilometer run would distract him far too much from the mission. Anything less than that wouldn't be worth the exertion. He has to be alert and be ready. For at any moment, his teammates may need him to act.
...
...
Any moment now.
...
...
Lee sighs. He slurps his soup. He drinks his tea. He hopes his teammates aren't as bored as he is.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/They
oh my god I just laughed so hard I made myself lightheaded
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Perhaps but she's OUR dumbass and we love her.
...meanwhile the dungeon:
You were SUPPOSED to get beaten so we could introduce these side characters to be zombified at a terrible moment! We were going to lock all these doors and add side passages and an entire WING OF THE MANSION that you could only reach after a boss tackled one of your allies of convenience through a wall! There was supposed to be a horde big enough to make finding the flamethrower worth it!
You are awarded with NO points, and next time, we're breaking out the spikes and vanishing platforms!
You were SUPPOSED to get beaten so we could introduce these side characters to be zombified at a terrible moment! We were going to lock all these doors and add side passages and an entire WING OF THE MANSION that you could only reach after a boss tackled one of your allies of convenience through a wall! There was supposed to be a horde big enough to make finding the flamethrower worth it!
You are awarded with NO points, and next time, we're breaking out the spikes and vanishing platforms!
Thozmp
Gets my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine.
And Sakura will be wary of copyright lawsuits from Plants vs. Zombies.
Chapter 56 - Arc 4 - Brawling in the Streets: The Open Air Feels Good
Sendicard
Writer of Sakura
- Location
- New Mexico, USA
- Pronouns
- YouPick
Hallway's done Ya'll. I fuckin learned a lot from the Mansion.
Mainly to never, ever do like six chapters without even a remote change in setting again. Guk.
Patreon got CH 77 today, Sakura and Ino have an argument.
All good friendships have them, but I don't think they're normally quite like this... Most friends are missing out.
The musty smell of the mansion is so familiar now that Sakura can't help but feel relieved that it'll be over soon. Three days they've been here, collecting, killing, walking, the grand majority of it has been walking if she's completely honest. This home is dreary, and she would have loved it if it had ended a day ago, but here she is, finally staring at the end gate to this horrific place and getting excited that soon she won't have to smell all this damned rotting flesh.
"I can't believe this." Observing the door brings about a dawning horror. It's massive, with a gold archway and a crescent top. She could probably punch through it with enough time and a willingness to destroy her hand, but she doesn't have to do that. Down lower on the door, there's hundreds of symbols, emblems, jewels, pictures of animals and even some just straight up shapes like a circle. Beneath each of those is a keyhole, and it's all Sakura has in her to take a breath before she makes a hand sign and more hers appear beside her. Well, kind of her, there's a few of them but they're not fully formed or properly physical. They get to work taking the keys out of her bag and inserting them one at a time, turning once fully in and making her proud with their coordination and cognitive functionality.
They needed every freaking key. Every single one. If she'd decided not to pick up any one of them they'd be trekking back hours if not days. It also means every single safe room was necessary after about five hours in.
"I thought you were crazy for holding onto all those." Tenten says, shaking her head while watching her poor excuse for water clones get the job done for them. They're nothing like Naruto's shadow clones, and they likely never will be, but Naruto's not around and she can't always depend on him to be there for her. It's not even his fault, reality just doesn't work that way and sometimes you need to stand on your own and have the capabilities you need. She also can't help but feel a little awkward using Chakra on a menial task when she's given Naruto so much crap about saving his infinite pool, but like, water clones aren't that expensive and her patience for this place ran out yesterday.
Naruto's not here to slave away, which makes her really appreciate both him and her own independence. Not to say there's anything wrong with relying on your team, just, she's not satisfied with Proto Water Clones level 3 and would like to become even more self-sufficient. Yes, level three. When they rested last night, Sakura, no longer having to prove anything, spent every drop of chakra she had practicing the jutsu until it was good enough to at least assist her with basic water jutsu and do menial labor like slotting in the ruby key into the ruby slot.
A proud smile slips over her lips at the thought that some people can't even do this. She didn't have instructors for this, she just did it, just like she'll do so much more once she has the time and opportunity to think uninterrupted.
Like that'll happen anytime soon, a girl can hope though.
"The only crazy I am for keeping keys is crazy smart. I'll never discard a key item as long as I live. I still have a piece of wood Inari handed me just in case it comes up when I go back to Wave."
"... What?" The lack of context must be too much for Tenten, but it's not her problem. She was open and clear with what she said.
"It's in my nightstand. It's a piece of wood, he asked me to hold it for him then never asked for it back." Sakura clarifies, just in case it helps, it clearly does not.
"Most of these keys were found near, if not in a safe room." Neji says, "It seems we truly were led here."
"You said it looks like the next step after us is an attack on official Fire Nation property, they want to attack the Daimyo next and test run the graveyards at the capital without intrusion from Ninjas," Sakura recites something Neji told her earlier today, "it makes sense they would lead us here, getting rid of us quickly is the only way anything like that is happening."
Neji nods thoughtfully, "the documents lead me to believe that the Dark Meister thinks that samurai would have a poor time dealing with a zombie force because their direct confrontation method plays well into the hands of mindless brutes."
"I doubt they'd be an actual threat to capital samurai, let alone the Daimyo's protection detail, but as Leaf Nin we kind of have to stop them don't we?" She asks.
"Yes, and they are aware of that, which means through this door is a trap." Neji confirms her suspicions, eyeing it thoughtfully. "Whatever happens, do not hold back. We cannot assume that the Dark Meistro is out of mana just because the zombies stopped after this morning."
Neji using gaming lingo has her giddy. He's losing his edge on her, slowly, maybe if she's lucky she'll have a gaming buddy when she gets back to Konoha.
Or maybe he'll deny the interactions entirely and pretend he's never even heard of a game before. Whatever the case, she didn't teach him terms like mana, he just knew them, and things like that make his stuck up attitude a little less convincing.
She's sure he's a dick, and she's sure he's stuck up, and she's sure he's refined, but she's also sure he's rocking an RPG the moment they get home. Tenten on the other hand looks remarkably out of depth. She knows that games exist, and even seems to have a grasp on what's popular and what's not, and she clearly plays them as per their earlier discussion, but she lacks any sort of input into the mechanics discussion. Even for this dungeon she has seemed lost at every corner. She clearly doesn't play much, and certainly nothing complicated. Tenten probably follows a streamer or two instead, ooh, she wonders if Tenten follows Haku.
She somehow doubts her observations on these two are connected though, even if the thought of Neji playing something while Tenten acts as his Ino and comments has her mildly shipping it… Mildly, because Neji's an asshole and Tenten deserves better.
"We're still in the dungeon, right?" She opens up her quest menu with a furrowing of her brows and a pouty frown that Ino would tease her about if she was here. The system still says the one-shot dungeon is active and that none of their objectives have been completed. It has her scratching her head.
As to why she's scratching her head, well…
"It seems so, but this is the village we are here for." Neji confirms it for her, as if she needed to be told that they're staring at exactly what they came here for. She remembers this walk from a few days ago, when they first got to the village. The dungeon has recreated the outside world, down to the details of the way they came in. Sakura can even see the inn they're staying at up ahead, it has the same oddly shaped door and the same dirty exterior. That being said, she sincerely doubts they'll find Lee or Gai there.
Walking around she can hear the crunch of rocky dirt beneath her feet, and her attention reminds her that the roadways into the village haven't been maintained or repaired in any recent time. It feels so real, so vivid, she can even taste the fresh air that comes with an inactive land away from the bustling streets of her home. It feels nice to smell and taste air that's not filled with rotting flesh, as their last three days have been, but the elation at such a small victory is very short lived. This place somehow manages to look even more desolate than the original village, and that gives a grand yet depressing indicator as to exactly what'll happen to the original if they don't succeed here.
It won't just be here either, they'll likely slaughter countless villages on their way to the Daimyo, and that can't be allowed. They have to stop this here, or, well they don't have a lot of options, at this point the exit is so far away that they'd have several days of walking back and she'd rather die trying. Maybe she should develop an escape ability for future dungeons, just in case, or maybe figure out crafting and make escape ropes? They're customary to almost every game, they have to exist.
"You know what this means, right?" Sakura asks as her feet land in front of the inn Lee's settled at, the one where she impaled that girl to a wall, and fought Neji, and most remarkably, the one with the odd doors. It's so stupid, doors should be frame fitting! "The dungeon has seen to it to provide us with an artificial playing field. We don't have to worry about destroying buildings, or livelihoods, or civilians, we can just destroy things with reckless abandon." Sakura doesn't pull her sword from its sheath, she has much better ideas. She lifts the Hammer Tenten lent her, and strikes it down on the inn door, watching its stupid structure cave way.
"Let's go!" She charges in without hesitation, looking for the first of the enemies, and already destroying property with a spinning strike that has her flowing through the place and undoing years of effort to maintain and build it like she finds construction a waste of time.
"Should we explain to her that we should still avoid damage just in case this uh, translates outside?" Tenten asks.
"No." Neji denies, "either we will see a civilian, and she will figure it out herself before too much damage is done, or we won't, and her method is correct." Tenten only requires one look at his serious expression to know she shouldn't argue with him.
That what he's serious about is property damage and cathartically watching Sakura break stuff for him, doesn't change that fact. "You should start too." He suggests, "The Hyuuga pride would not allow me to participate, but just between the two of us, she looks like she is having fun. You deserve it, after that nightmare."
"Yeah, I bet she is." Tenten's hands grip her hammer with both hands, "and I do, thanks." She takes a deep breath, and she charges in after Sakura.
Neji stands guard, ready at a moment's notice.
This is good, because he's dodging out of the way of a fireball from behind a mere second later.
Mainly to never, ever do like six chapters without even a remote change in setting again. Guk.
Patreon got CH 77 today, Sakura and Ino have an argument.
All good friendships have them, but I don't think they're normally quite like this... Most friends are missing out.
The musty smell of the mansion is so familiar now that Sakura can't help but feel relieved that it'll be over soon. Three days they've been here, collecting, killing, walking, the grand majority of it has been walking if she's completely honest. This home is dreary, and she would have loved it if it had ended a day ago, but here she is, finally staring at the end gate to this horrific place and getting excited that soon she won't have to smell all this damned rotting flesh.
"I can't believe this." Observing the door brings about a dawning horror. It's massive, with a gold archway and a crescent top. She could probably punch through it with enough time and a willingness to destroy her hand, but she doesn't have to do that. Down lower on the door, there's hundreds of symbols, emblems, jewels, pictures of animals and even some just straight up shapes like a circle. Beneath each of those is a keyhole, and it's all Sakura has in her to take a breath before she makes a hand sign and more hers appear beside her. Well, kind of her, there's a few of them but they're not fully formed or properly physical. They get to work taking the keys out of her bag and inserting them one at a time, turning once fully in and making her proud with their coordination and cognitive functionality.
They needed every freaking key. Every single one. If she'd decided not to pick up any one of them they'd be trekking back hours if not days. It also means every single safe room was necessary after about five hours in.
"I thought you were crazy for holding onto all those." Tenten says, shaking her head while watching her poor excuse for water clones get the job done for them. They're nothing like Naruto's shadow clones, and they likely never will be, but Naruto's not around and she can't always depend on him to be there for her. It's not even his fault, reality just doesn't work that way and sometimes you need to stand on your own and have the capabilities you need. She also can't help but feel a little awkward using Chakra on a menial task when she's given Naruto so much crap about saving his infinite pool, but like, water clones aren't that expensive and her patience for this place ran out yesterday.
Naruto's not here to slave away, which makes her really appreciate both him and her own independence. Not to say there's anything wrong with relying on your team, just, she's not satisfied with Proto Water Clones level 3 and would like to become even more self-sufficient. Yes, level three. When they rested last night, Sakura, no longer having to prove anything, spent every drop of chakra she had practicing the jutsu until it was good enough to at least assist her with basic water jutsu and do menial labor like slotting in the ruby key into the ruby slot.
A proud smile slips over her lips at the thought that some people can't even do this. She didn't have instructors for this, she just did it, just like she'll do so much more once she has the time and opportunity to think uninterrupted.
Like that'll happen anytime soon, a girl can hope though.
"The only crazy I am for keeping keys is crazy smart. I'll never discard a key item as long as I live. I still have a piece of wood Inari handed me just in case it comes up when I go back to Wave."
"... What?" The lack of context must be too much for Tenten, but it's not her problem. She was open and clear with what she said.
"It's in my nightstand. It's a piece of wood, he asked me to hold it for him then never asked for it back." Sakura clarifies, just in case it helps, it clearly does not.
"Most of these keys were found near, if not in a safe room." Neji says, "It seems we truly were led here."
"You said it looks like the next step after us is an attack on official Fire Nation property, they want to attack the Daimyo next and test run the graveyards at the capital without intrusion from Ninjas," Sakura recites something Neji told her earlier today, "it makes sense they would lead us here, getting rid of us quickly is the only way anything like that is happening."
Neji nods thoughtfully, "the documents lead me to believe that the Dark Meister thinks that samurai would have a poor time dealing with a zombie force because their direct confrontation method plays well into the hands of mindless brutes."
"I doubt they'd be an actual threat to capital samurai, let alone the Daimyo's protection detail, but as Leaf Nin we kind of have to stop them don't we?" She asks.
"Yes, and they are aware of that, which means through this door is a trap." Neji confirms her suspicions, eyeing it thoughtfully. "Whatever happens, do not hold back. We cannot assume that the Dark Meistro is out of mana just because the zombies stopped after this morning."
Neji using gaming lingo has her giddy. He's losing his edge on her, slowly, maybe if she's lucky she'll have a gaming buddy when she gets back to Konoha.
Or maybe he'll deny the interactions entirely and pretend he's never even heard of a game before. Whatever the case, she didn't teach him terms like mana, he just knew them, and things like that make his stuck up attitude a little less convincing.
She's sure he's a dick, and she's sure he's stuck up, and she's sure he's refined, but she's also sure he's rocking an RPG the moment they get home. Tenten on the other hand looks remarkably out of depth. She knows that games exist, and even seems to have a grasp on what's popular and what's not, and she clearly plays them as per their earlier discussion, but she lacks any sort of input into the mechanics discussion. Even for this dungeon she has seemed lost at every corner. She clearly doesn't play much, and certainly nothing complicated. Tenten probably follows a streamer or two instead, ooh, she wonders if Tenten follows Haku.
She somehow doubts her observations on these two are connected though, even if the thought of Neji playing something while Tenten acts as his Ino and comments has her mildly shipping it… Mildly, because Neji's an asshole and Tenten deserves better.
"We're still in the dungeon, right?" She opens up her quest menu with a furrowing of her brows and a pouty frown that Ino would tease her about if she was here. The system still says the one-shot dungeon is active and that none of their objectives have been completed. It has her scratching her head.
As to why she's scratching her head, well…
"It seems so, but this is the village we are here for." Neji confirms it for her, as if she needed to be told that they're staring at exactly what they came here for. She remembers this walk from a few days ago, when they first got to the village. The dungeon has recreated the outside world, down to the details of the way they came in. Sakura can even see the inn they're staying at up ahead, it has the same oddly shaped door and the same dirty exterior. That being said, she sincerely doubts they'll find Lee or Gai there.
Walking around she can hear the crunch of rocky dirt beneath her feet, and her attention reminds her that the roadways into the village haven't been maintained or repaired in any recent time. It feels so real, so vivid, she can even taste the fresh air that comes with an inactive land away from the bustling streets of her home. It feels nice to smell and taste air that's not filled with rotting flesh, as their last three days have been, but the elation at such a small victory is very short lived. This place somehow manages to look even more desolate than the original village, and that gives a grand yet depressing indicator as to exactly what'll happen to the original if they don't succeed here.
It won't just be here either, they'll likely slaughter countless villages on their way to the Daimyo, and that can't be allowed. They have to stop this here, or, well they don't have a lot of options, at this point the exit is so far away that they'd have several days of walking back and she'd rather die trying. Maybe she should develop an escape ability for future dungeons, just in case, or maybe figure out crafting and make escape ropes? They're customary to almost every game, they have to exist.
"You know what this means, right?" Sakura asks as her feet land in front of the inn Lee's settled at, the one where she impaled that girl to a wall, and fought Neji, and most remarkably, the one with the odd doors. It's so stupid, doors should be frame fitting! "The dungeon has seen to it to provide us with an artificial playing field. We don't have to worry about destroying buildings, or livelihoods, or civilians, we can just destroy things with reckless abandon." Sakura doesn't pull her sword from its sheath, she has much better ideas. She lifts the Hammer Tenten lent her, and strikes it down on the inn door, watching its stupid structure cave way.
"Let's go!" She charges in without hesitation, looking for the first of the enemies, and already destroying property with a spinning strike that has her flowing through the place and undoing years of effort to maintain and build it like she finds construction a waste of time.
"Should we explain to her that we should still avoid damage just in case this uh, translates outside?" Tenten asks.
"No." Neji denies, "either we will see a civilian, and she will figure it out herself before too much damage is done, or we won't, and her method is correct." Tenten only requires one look at his serious expression to know she shouldn't argue with him.
That what he's serious about is property damage and cathartically watching Sakura break stuff for him, doesn't change that fact. "You should start too." He suggests, "The Hyuuga pride would not allow me to participate, but just between the two of us, she looks like she is having fun. You deserve it, after that nightmare."
"Yeah, I bet she is." Tenten's hands grip her hammer with both hands, "and I do, thanks." She takes a deep breath, and she charges in after Sakura.
Neji stands guard, ready at a moment's notice.
This is good, because he's dodging out of the way of a fireball from behind a mere second later.
Shadow Archon
Protoss Preserver
- Location
- Louisiana
We interrupt this Resident Evil dungeon to bring you a Teardown level.
NexysDhyArchen
Throne Breaker
Hunger unlocks new forms if she feeds it enough. Like a Digimon.
Krazyfan1
Worrying for the future.
- Location
- Australia
wonder if she can eventually pull a Kisame and fuse with it?
Canon Side-Story: Kakashi Takes The 'Genin-Sensei Exam'
Sendicard
Writer of Sakura
- Location
- New Mexico, USA
- Pronouns
- YouPick
I've wanted to write this for a while. Thankfully it just kinda wrote itself, which was awesome. I've been having creativity issues lately and this was very nice and kind of exploded.
This was the $70 side-story reward for this week, voted on by my $10 patrons. Thank you $10 Patrons, you're the best. Your support is incredibly meaningful.
"You have an hour to take the test, if you have any questions about the wording, please feel free to ask." There's a lot of cross-over for an Academy Teacher in Konoha, one of the big ones is that they have Academy Teachers proctor and grade the Genin-Sensei Exam. The logic is that they are in charge of the Genin before they're actually Genin, so why shouldn't their wisdom be incredibly valuable in caring for them once they're out in the field. There's a few flaws to the logic which Iruka has spent more than a few minutes pointing out, but here he is, year after year.
This year, his class has a few Jonin - all of note of course, they're Jonin - but only one stand out problem. Silver hair, one eye, and a penchant for causing problems; Kakashi Hatake is absolutely not who Iruka wanted to see taking the exam. For a few reasons, really, the most prominent of which is that the idea of Kakashi Hatake teaching his students makes him want to claw his eyes out while screaming.
"I have a question." The second is that Kakashi's asking questions. The problem with Kakashi is that he's such a dick that Iruka has no idea if this is going to be an authentic question, a fake question, or somewhere in the middle, and it's not going to be obvious enough for him to just not answer. His entire day is ruined.
"Genin-Sensei exam taker, Kakashi Hatake, the pencils haven't been given out yet." Iruka sighs, already wanting to rub the bridge of his nose, but choosing to keep professionalism for now.
"I brought one from home." Kakashi explains.
"Of course you did." Iruka holds in a sigh, as Kakashi scribbles in his name with a neon pink pencil he brought from elsewhere, in fact - "is that Sakura Haruno's pencil? It has her name on it!"
"She lent it to me." Kakashi smiles behind his mask.
"Please tell me you're not her sensei." Iruka begs.
"I am not her sensei." Kakashi manages to say it with such a dead tone, looking into his eyes with his own single focused gaze without even blinking.
"... You bastard," Iruka can't help it, he's already broken, he rubs his nose, "what is your question?"
"It says here that a Genin needs to eat a nutrient rich diet, and asks us what we should do if we find out a student hasn't been eating enough." Kakashi explains question one of the document, and already Iruka can feel that maybe this isn't going to be so bad. That's a very good question to approach if he's unsure, he might be taking this seriously.
"It's very important." Iruka nods, "especially for you." Sakura needs help, she needs so much help, Iruka almost wants to fail her so that she has a chance with a reasonable sensei next year, it'd be the right thing to do. Unfortunately, that's not his duty, and that'd be overstepping boundaries. Sakura is fully capable of being a ninja, just not so much a functional person… It's weird that those aren't the same thing.
"Would chewing it up for them and then force feed them like a bird be a bad answer?" Kakashi asks.
"... Yes."
"How about taking out a three times daily D rank mission to any and all Genin to capture her and feed her?" Kakashi asks, "they could compete over who gets it this time."
"That would be incredibly expensive, Kakashi," Iruka is about to dismiss this as clearly messing with him, when another hand goes up from the room, "Yes, Hibani-" he's already too annoyed to keep up the normal method of referring to them. It wasn't expected anyway, he just wanted to seem official.
"That sounds like a great idea, actually, I'd like to sign my Genin up for that mission semi-permanently, it'd teach compassion, competition, and non-lethal coordination." Hibani says.
"The mission doesn't exist- you don't have Genin!" Iruka groans.
"What if you have so much money that your main way of picking up chicks is to log into your banking app and flash the number?" Kakashi asks.
"You do not- you know what, hard veto, if your answer is to put out a hit on your Genin in any form, you're disqualified." Iruka has to shake his head. First question!
"Question two asks what to do if your student takes an interest in a field you also have a lot of interest in, and therefore have a lot of tools to speed them up, how much help should you give them?" Another student asks, "what if I have a demon weapon passed down through my family for generations? Can I give them that?"
"I'm not answering that," Iruka growls, "you're definitely messing with me."
"I think it's a good question." Kakashi rumbles, "that could come up."
"No it couldn't, shut up and take your test or I'm failing you." Iruka glares the cyclops down, watching as he wilts.
Kakashi's answers are terrifying.
They're all scary, all of them, the Hokage really needs to instate a pretest before this test that excludes basic comprehension fails, but Kakashi's are scary because unlike Hitomi who answered the 'come up with a problem your Genin might realistically face, and how you'd help them' question with 'needs to get laid to advance their clan' and solved it with 'host an orgy' and is therefore immediately disqualified…
Or that other guy, who did in fact say he'd give his student a pair of demon possessed gauntlets, what an idiot… Hard fail.
Kakashi's answers are all seemingly manufactured to be just unhinged enough to give him problems sleeping, but not bad enough to be disqualified.
For example, his theoretical problem was 'they need to accelerate their Earth Affinity training', which is reasonable and an actual problem a Genin of his might face.
His answer was 'design how to make a chainsaw with them using rich earth metals and school them on how to make it not explode.' All of which is rather concerning. Why would it explode? What's a chainsaw? Why is his solution to basic affinity training to teach them how to create new jutsu?
Who teaches a Genin how to create new jutsu?
That's just the tip of the iceberg here. He answered 'how to help them not be distracted by their teammate in the event of romantic interests evolving' with 'ensure they don't have time to be distracted.' Which is not disqualifying, but it's something he needs to run by the Hokage to ensure the Head of State knows to tell Kakashi he needs to give them breaks!
Yep, Sakura's screwed…
This was the $70 side-story reward for this week, voted on by my $10 patrons. Thank you $10 Patrons, you're the best. Your support is incredibly meaningful.
"You have an hour to take the test, if you have any questions about the wording, please feel free to ask." There's a lot of cross-over for an Academy Teacher in Konoha, one of the big ones is that they have Academy Teachers proctor and grade the Genin-Sensei Exam. The logic is that they are in charge of the Genin before they're actually Genin, so why shouldn't their wisdom be incredibly valuable in caring for them once they're out in the field. There's a few flaws to the logic which Iruka has spent more than a few minutes pointing out, but here he is, year after year.
This year, his class has a few Jonin - all of note of course, they're Jonin - but only one stand out problem. Silver hair, one eye, and a penchant for causing problems; Kakashi Hatake is absolutely not who Iruka wanted to see taking the exam. For a few reasons, really, the most prominent of which is that the idea of Kakashi Hatake teaching his students makes him want to claw his eyes out while screaming.
"I have a question." The second is that Kakashi's asking questions. The problem with Kakashi is that he's such a dick that Iruka has no idea if this is going to be an authentic question, a fake question, or somewhere in the middle, and it's not going to be obvious enough for him to just not answer. His entire day is ruined.
"Genin-Sensei exam taker, Kakashi Hatake, the pencils haven't been given out yet." Iruka sighs, already wanting to rub the bridge of his nose, but choosing to keep professionalism for now.
"I brought one from home." Kakashi explains.
"Of course you did." Iruka holds in a sigh, as Kakashi scribbles in his name with a neon pink pencil he brought from elsewhere, in fact - "is that Sakura Haruno's pencil? It has her name on it!"
"She lent it to me." Kakashi smiles behind his mask.
"Please tell me you're not her sensei." Iruka begs.
"I am not her sensei." Kakashi manages to say it with such a dead tone, looking into his eyes with his own single focused gaze without even blinking.
"... You bastard," Iruka can't help it, he's already broken, he rubs his nose, "what is your question?"
"It says here that a Genin needs to eat a nutrient rich diet, and asks us what we should do if we find out a student hasn't been eating enough." Kakashi explains question one of the document, and already Iruka can feel that maybe this isn't going to be so bad. That's a very good question to approach if he's unsure, he might be taking this seriously.
"It's very important." Iruka nods, "especially for you." Sakura needs help, she needs so much help, Iruka almost wants to fail her so that she has a chance with a reasonable sensei next year, it'd be the right thing to do. Unfortunately, that's not his duty, and that'd be overstepping boundaries. Sakura is fully capable of being a ninja, just not so much a functional person… It's weird that those aren't the same thing.
"Would chewing it up for them and then force feed them like a bird be a bad answer?" Kakashi asks.
"... Yes."
"How about taking out a three times daily D rank mission to any and all Genin to capture her and feed her?" Kakashi asks, "they could compete over who gets it this time."
"That would be incredibly expensive, Kakashi," Iruka is about to dismiss this as clearly messing with him, when another hand goes up from the room, "Yes, Hibani-" he's already too annoyed to keep up the normal method of referring to them. It wasn't expected anyway, he just wanted to seem official.
"That sounds like a great idea, actually, I'd like to sign my Genin up for that mission semi-permanently, it'd teach compassion, competition, and non-lethal coordination." Hibani says.
"The mission doesn't exist- you don't have Genin!" Iruka groans.
"What if you have so much money that your main way of picking up chicks is to log into your banking app and flash the number?" Kakashi asks.
"You do not- you know what, hard veto, if your answer is to put out a hit on your Genin in any form, you're disqualified." Iruka has to shake his head. First question!
"Question two asks what to do if your student takes an interest in a field you also have a lot of interest in, and therefore have a lot of tools to speed them up, how much help should you give them?" Another student asks, "what if I have a demon weapon passed down through my family for generations? Can I give them that?"
"I'm not answering that," Iruka growls, "you're definitely messing with me."
"I think it's a good question." Kakashi rumbles, "that could come up."
"No it couldn't, shut up and take your test or I'm failing you." Iruka glares the cyclops down, watching as he wilts.
Kakashi's answers are terrifying.
They're all scary, all of them, the Hokage really needs to instate a pretest before this test that excludes basic comprehension fails, but Kakashi's are scary because unlike Hitomi who answered the 'come up with a problem your Genin might realistically face, and how you'd help them' question with 'needs to get laid to advance their clan' and solved it with 'host an orgy' and is therefore immediately disqualified…
Or that other guy, who did in fact say he'd give his student a pair of demon possessed gauntlets, what an idiot… Hard fail.
Kakashi's answers are all seemingly manufactured to be just unhinged enough to give him problems sleeping, but not bad enough to be disqualified.
For example, his theoretical problem was 'they need to accelerate their Earth Affinity training', which is reasonable and an actual problem a Genin of his might face.
His answer was 'design how to make a chainsaw with them using rich earth metals and school them on how to make it not explode.' All of which is rather concerning. Why would it explode? What's a chainsaw? Why is his solution to basic affinity training to teach them how to create new jutsu?
Who teaches a Genin how to create new jutsu?
That's just the tip of the iceberg here. He answered 'how to help them not be distracted by their teammate in the event of romantic interests evolving' with 'ensure they don't have time to be distracted.' Which is not disqualifying, but it's something he needs to run by the Hokage to ensure the Head of State knows to tell Kakashi he needs to give them breaks!
Yep, Sakura's screwed…
A sensei that wants them to survive to Jonin?
You either remove all the brakes from the murder train and help to steer it or your students to fall behind and die unless they are super lucky.
Winged One
Not the Simurgh
- Location
- definitely the ground
- Pronouns
- They/Them/It
Iruka is too sane to help in this mad world, it seems.
Or meant to be ninja Jesus and ninja Satan working together to end ninja ragnarok
Krazyfan1
Worrying for the future.
- Location
- Australia
Creating jutsu might be a bit more difficult than just Teaching them ones that were made already.
Sendicard
Writer of Sakura
- Location
- New Mexico, USA
- Pronouns
- YouPick
There was like, a third of a chapter that went over this concept.
Teaching Genin jutsu is one thing, teaching them to make their own is a good way to get dead Genin.
Kakashi didn't care because even if Sakura managed to cast herself unconscious, she'd get up in five hours like it didn't happen.
Hiruzen upon reading Kakashi's answers: "Well, it's not as if he's serious about any of these, and even if he was Sasuke might be uniquely positioned to learn by doing if he should unlock the sharingan in a reasonable timeframe..."
Hiruzen upon actually learning about Team Seven and the shit they get up to: "OK so I'm no longer worried about Sasuike taking after Orochimaru. I am now worried that he reminds me more of Tsunade, and the unhinged experimenter is the Pink One."
Hiruzen upon actually learning about Team Seven and the shit they get up to: "OK so I'm no longer worried about Sasuike taking after Orochimaru. I am now worried that he reminds me more of Tsunade, and the unhinged experimenter is the Pink One."
Leave it to Sakura to possess her evil sword.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/They
hoo boy absolutely not; jutsu creation isn't a jonin-level skill for security reasons, nobody's trying to keep the idiot twelve-year-olds from learning Summon Nuke; Konoha would be fucking thrilled to have more people who could cast Summon Nuke. Jutsu creation is a jonin-level skill because there is no way to know- or even estimate- how much chakra a new jutsu will cost without casting it. The chakra cost isn't even loosely coupled with the apparent magnitude of the effect! Jutsu creation is a jonin-level skill because without some kind of cheat (Sakura's inhuman control, being a jinchuriki, etc) literally every single genin and 70-80% of chunin will just fucking die from chakra exhaustion if they start messing around with it.
Even jonin die in jutsu-creation attempts occasionally, but by the time they make jonin they've got a large enough pool that- while it's still a gamble- the odds are fairly strongly in favor of their survival, strongly enough to often be worth the risk.
Sendicard
Writer of Sakura
- Location
- New Mexico, USA
- Pronouns
- YouPick
This is fanon, pretty sure.
But it is true to this story.
Good informative post.
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/They
Oh, of course it's fanon; it makes too much sense to be anything else given Kishimoto's deathly allergy to anything resembling internal consistency. I was pretty sure it was this-story-canon, though upon reviewing the actual text of the passage where Kakashi teaches Sakura about jutsu creation I was a lot more certain than I really should have been
but it appears I lucked into being correct anyways XD