Project Ludovico


Oh Lord don't do that to yourself. Sure, the plot where a magically resurrected gangster has a mad scientist make super guns to give to a right wing militia group to blow up criminals because ???? sounds entertaining.

But it isn't. At all.

The third Darkman movie ain't bad though, even if its saving grace is that the villain seems to have been cast by "I want John Travolta, but can't afford him, find me the most John Travolta like guy we can afford."
 
A short list of possibilities. Fair warning, a few are seriously fucked up.

Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song (1971)
Suspiria (1977)
Santa Sangre (1989)
Meet The Feebles (1989)
Men Behind The Sun (1988)
The Plague Dogs (1982)
 
Alright so I'm going to do my own little review, hope it's not shit. >.>

Awhile back I watched Kingdom of Heaven with Athene, the Director's Cut, and yes it makes a huge difference. I'll start with what I didn't like about this film: First off Balian of Ibelin was the youngest son of a knight turned lord and grew up in the County of Jaffa, he was not a French blacksmith and to be honest I think that change makes him less interesting. Secondly, even if they'd got Balian's background right he, as a character, is far less interesting than some of the other personages who make appearances in the film. Baldwin IV was an incredibly accomplished commander with a long history of battles with Saladin, and Saladin himself is by far the most interesting character of the film. Quite honestly, I would have preferred a film that told the story entirely from Saladin's perspective. My last and biggest complaint is that this movie is clearly intended to reflect the values of modern liberal audiences, as such, the film's main heroic/honorable figures, Baldwin, Balian, and Saladin are portrayed as not particularly religious, professing to believe but caring very little. There is nothing to support this at all, and I feel that this is an enormous black mark against the film. In fact religion was incredibly important to all three men, and the fact that Kingdom of Heaven doesn't portray this is not only inaccurate, it removes dimensions from the characters in favor of making them more palatable.

All that being said, I like this movie. I like it a lot. It's a very long movie so you'd best settle in for the long haul, but it is enjoyable. A lot of time is spent developing characters and setting them up so that you understand their motivations and you've got a pretty good idea of what they're going to do and how they'll respond. Nothing feels like it came out of the blue, and while the Battle of Jerusalem is brought about in part by the actions of Raymond of Chatillon and the weakness and incompetence of Guy, in the end it feel inevitable. Something else I appreciated was the portrayal of Saladin and his army, unlike some other portrayals of the Crusades they come across as being not all that different from their counterparts, some of them unpleasant people, but most of them honorable. One of the best scenes of the movie is not actually a battle, but the point at which Saladin and Baldwin negotiate on the brink of war, with massive armies at their backs.


The cinematography in this movie is beautiful by the way.
While I liked Kingdom of Heaven you shouldn't come in looking for an action movie, a historical movie, or for that matter a particularly daring film. This is a movie about the (often fictional/wrong) events and characters leading up to and taking part in the Battle of Jerusalem, and much of the movie is more political drama than action. And while some would say this movie doesn't take sides, I don't think that's true. Kingdom of Heaven does take a side, and that side is neither European or Middle Eastern, the side Kingdom of Heaven takes is, 'religion bad.' At the end of the day that will always be my biggest complaint about this film, for two reasons, first off because quite frankly that's not a hard stance to take. You're making a movie in the US and primarily marketing it toward western audiences, of course you can get away with that, there's nothing daring about it, even a lot of genuinely religious westerners won't have much issue with it because, 'Well it was the 12th century, we're different now, we're civilized now.' Secondly, religious figures in this film are constantly portrayed negatively, but the heroes of this movie, Baldwin, Balian, and Saladin, as I noted before were all religious, and many would argue, rightfully so in my opinion, that while politics certainly played some role in the fact that these men often treated their Muslim/Christian subjects well, it was not in spite of their religious beliefs that they did so but because of them. So if you want a rather inaccurate political drama set in the Crusader kingdom of Jerusalem with a little action thrown in, and you don't mind the incredibly negative portrayal of religion too much, then this is the movie for you. I'm just saying don't expect it to break any molds.

Balian: "What is Jerusalem worth?"
Saladin: "Nothing. Everything."
DissMech: "No Ridley Scott. Stop. Stahp!"​
 
Last edited:
Man of all movies to review, you decided to review one of my favorites. I really like Kingdom of Heaven because Ridley Scott seems like a genuine history geek even it's more of a pop history type of things. His historical movies are always quite fun and actiony, and he manages to make some pretty good characters even if they're nothing particularly deep. One thing I find is how effortlessly he can make one dude or another sympathetic. As a random example, the Hospitallar from this movie I am quite fond of for reasons I can't entirely explain, even if the "religion is bad and leads to fanaticism" was rather strange from a Monastic knight.

On the matter of religion in the movie, I did find it quite grating. The account that we have from Ibn al-Athir is also quite a bit different from this, and the weird American overtones of "you can be whoever you want to be in the Holy Land" also kind of ticked me off because it was much more blatant here than the reality. When it comes to Saladin, the historiography is actually quite split. You have two extremes; one was that Saladin was the perfect moral warrior, and the other was that Saladin was a realpolitik dude who didn't care as much about Jerusalem. Usually these draw upon different parts of his reign to show their evidence, and obviously there's probably something in the middle there. Certainly Saladin could actually be quite ruthless; he locked away the Fatimid women and men from each other, and there are rumors he poisoned his uncle Shirkuh to take control of Egypt as vizier. Not to mention his reluctance to change the khutbah to praise the 'Abbasid Caliph and his recalcitrance in interactions with Nur al-Din, his nominal sovereign. In the end, Saladin was a complex character, but he was certainly one known, at least by 1187, for some level of moral uprightness (rumors that he or Richard of Lionheart murdered Conrad de Montferrat notwithstanding).

I was also a bit irritated with the kind of filter that he applied to Europe to things look even worse in stupid sucky France, but you can't win everything. It's a significant tone-down from Gladiator, at least, where Scott's filters make Mediterranean Rome look like rainy England even when it's sunny outside.

Of course, we do actually have evidence of someone who probably did espouse views a bit similar to that assigned to Baldwin during this period; Frederick II Hohenstaufen, the brilliant and eccentric Holy Roman Emperor who would send mathematical problems to the court of Sultan al-Kamil Ayyubi (one of the descendents of Saladin, reigning in Egypt) which would take the entire court to solve. He was also known for his deep appreciation of Islam (though that did not stop him from taking Jerusalem back in 1228, al-Kamil pulling down the walls and abandoning the city in one of the most infamous black marks that the Muslim 'ulema would not forget later).

Also, the claim of "200,000" Muslim soldiers is spurious. Guy de Lusignan was actually a weak and incompetent king who was unable to control Reynald, not his enabler. Sibylla obviously did not go back to Europe with Balian. Balian actually did not control Ibelin at this time. The meeting between Saladin and Balian, where Balian threatens to destroy everything, is however real. Balian did indeed threaten this, and Saladin accepted his terms, though in fact many residents could not pay the ransom fees required and were sold into slavery. This is attested in both the account of al-Wasil and Ibn-al Athir.

The director's cut is very good, the movie does not feel its length, and it does very well with all its characters. I must say that it is a very satisfying movie that can please most people on both sides, except if you're religious in which case you need to sigh a little bit at the very bluntly given "religion bad" message. But it doesn't detract enough from the film to prevent it from being a very good political romp. There's genuine tension and drama here. I just wish that they had focused more on living in peace than on fanaticism. Not that focusing on fanatacism isn't bad, but the movie's overall message tended to tilt very clearly into an argument against all religion, or at least religion beyond vague deism.
 
Man of all movies to review, you decided to review one of my favorites. I really like Kingdom of Heaven because Ridley Scott seems like a genuine history geek even it's more of a pop history type of things. His historical movies are always quite fun and actiony, and he manages to make some pretty good characters even if they're nothing particularly deep. One thing I find is how effortlessly he can make one dude or another sympathetic. As a random example, the Hospitallar from this movie I am quite fond of for reasons I can't entirely explain, even if the "religion is bad and leads to fanaticism" was rather strange from a Monastic knight.

On the matter of religion in the movie, I did find it quite grating. The account that we have from Ibn al-Athir is also quite a bit different from this, and the weird American overtones of "you can be whoever you want to be in the Holy Land" also kind of ticked me off because it was much more blatant here than the reality. When it comes to Saladin, the historiography is actually quite split. You have two extremes; one was that Saladin was the perfect moral warrior, and the other was that Saladin was a realpolitik dude who didn't care as much about Jerusalem. Usually these draw upon different parts of his reign to show their evidence, and obviously there's probably something in the middle there. Certainly Saladin could actually be quite ruthless; he locked away the Fatimid women and men from each other, and there are rumors he poisoned his uncle Shirkuh to take control of Egypt as vizier. Not to mention his reluctance to change the khutbah to praise the 'Abbasid Caliph and his recalcitrance in interactions with Nur al-Din, his nominal sovereign. In the end, Saladin was a complex character, but he was certainly one known, at least by 1187, for some level of moral uprightness (rumors that he or Richard of Lionheart murdered Conrad de Montferrat notwithstanding).

I was also a bit irritated with the kind of filter that he applied to Europe to things look even worse in stupid sucky France, but you can't win everything. It's a significant tone-down from Gladiator, at least, where Scott's filters make Mediterranean Rome look like rainy England even when it's sunny outside.

Of course, we do actually have evidence of someone who probably did espouse views a bit similar to that assigned to Baldwin during this period; Frederick II Hohenstaufen, the brilliant and eccentric Holy Roman Emperor who would send mathematical problems to the court of Sultan al-Kamil Ayyubi (one of the descendents of Saladin, reigning in Egypt) which would take the entire court to solve. He was also known for his deep appreciation of Islam (though that did not stop him from taking Jerusalem back in 1228, al-Kamil pulling down the walls and abandoning the city in one of the most infamous black marks that the Muslim 'ulema would not forget later).

Also, the claim of "200,000" Muslim soldiers is spurious. Guy de Lusignan was actually a weak and incompetent king who was unable to control Reynald, not his enabler. Sibylla obviously did not go back to Europe with Balian. Balian actually did not control Ibelin at this time. The meeting between Saladin and Balian, where Balian threatens to destroy everything, is however real. Balian did indeed threaten this, and Saladin accepted his terms, though in fact many residents could not pay the ransom fees required and were sold into slavery. This is attested in both the account of al-Wasil and Ibn-al Athir.

The director's cut is very good, the movie does not feel its length, and it does very well with all its characters. I must say that it is a very satisfying movie that can please most people on both sides, except if you're religious in which case you need to sigh a little bit at the very bluntly given "religion bad" message. But it doesn't detract enough from the film to prevent it from being a very good political romp. There's genuine tension and drama here. I just wish that they had focused more on living in peace than on fanaticism. Not that focusing on fanatacism isn't bad, but the movie's overall message tended to tilt very clearly into an argument against all religion, or at least religion beyond vague deism.
Yeah I could talk for a long time about the historical problems in this movie, and quite frankly I think the history of the time is more than entertaining enough without adding shit in. Raynauld never raped Saladin's sister, do we really need that detail? He was a ruthless brutal warlord who was more than evil enough in life without attributing fictional crimes to the man. Myself I'm an atheist, but I still found the themes of religion as some sort of all corrupting evil to be incredibly grating. And it only made the Hospitaller's status as some sort of bizarre maybe-angelic figure all the stranger. You clearly don't like religion, but this Hospitaller who pops up and vanishes at random with the only rhyme or reason for doing so being, 'something profound must be said here' is clearly an angelic figure. Get your message straight movie.
That's the best line, though. Massoud seriously slays it there.

As to this movie, it is for better or worse the most liberal movie that could be made about the War on Terror.
It's a decent line, and Massoud's acting throughout the movie was fantastic, but I don't like what it represents. Political actor or not (and yeah Saladin was a savvy politician at the very least) the man was still a devout Muslim, Jerusalem means a lot. And on that note, this is what's wrong with western cinema. You got Ghassan Massoud to play Saladin and your main character is William Turne- excuse me, French William Turner in the Holy Land. Just... you could have done so much better by focusing on Saladin instead.
 
Yeah I could talk for a long time about the historical problems in this movie, and quite frankly I think the history of the time is more than entertaining enough without adding shit in. Raynauld never raped Saladin's sister, do we really need that detail? He was a ruthless brutal warlord who was more than evil enough in life without attributing fictional crimes to the man. Myself I'm an atheist, but I still found the themes of religion as some sort of all corrupting evil to be incredibly grating. And it only made the Hospitaller's status as some sort of bizarre maybe-angelic figure all the stranger. You clearly don't like religion, but this Hospitaller who pops up and vanishes at random with the only rhyme or reason for doing so being, 'something profound must be said here' is clearly an angelic figure. Get your message straight movie.

It makes me sad they didn't add the part where Reynald planned to raid Mecca with a fleet until one of Saladin's admirals defeated it :sad:

And yeah, Saladin's sister's caravan went on hajj, but it was not stopped by Reynald although Saladin did specifically put extra guards on the caravan because of his aggression. They were never in serious danger of being attacked, though.

It's weird, because Saladin actually is praying when he enters Jerusalem, but then he has the "Nothing, Everything" line, which even in candid conversation Saladin would never have said. Whatever his politicking the man was the head of the single greatest jihad movement till that time, and was doing this at the very climax of the fada'il al-Quds literature (merits of Jerusalem, basically religious justification for the importance of Jerusalem). He would never have proclaimed such a thing. It's weird. Maybe we're getting the line wrong? I dunno.
 
It's weird, because Saladin actually is praying when he enters Jerusalem, but then he has the "Nothing, Everything" line, which even in candid conversation Saladin would never have said. Whatever his politicking the man was the head of the single greatest jihad movement till that time, and was doing this at the very climax of the fada'il al-Quds literature (merits of Jerusalem, basically religious justification for the importance of Jerusalem). He would never have proclaimed such a thing. It's weird. Maybe we're getting the line wrong? I dunno.
I felt the line was acknowledging that there was not physical worth to it, but that its spiritual/symbolic worth was immense.

Though I'm not sure how that fits in with the whole "only good religion is light deism" angle that other parts of the movie support.
 
It makes me sad they didn't add the part where Reynald planned to raid Mecca with a fleet until one of Saladin's admirals defeated it :sad:

And yeah, Saladin's sister's caravan went on hajj, but it was not stopped by Reynald although Saladin did specifically put extra guards on the caravan because of his aggression. They were never in serious danger of being attacked, though.

It's weird, because Saladin actually is praying when he enters Jerusalem, but then he has the "Nothing, Everything" line, which even in candid conversation Saladin would never have said. Whatever his politicking the man was the head of the single greatest jihad movement till that time, and was doing this at the very climax of the fada'il al-Quds literature (merits of Jerusalem, basically religious justification for the importance of Jerusalem). He would never have proclaimed such a thing. It's weird. Maybe we're getting the line wrong? I dunno.
Sadly we're not. I want it to be wrong, but Ridley Scott, or meddling execs, or test audiences or something just needed the movie's heroic figures to not be religious. So yeah, Saladin just throws that line in, just so you know he totes doesn't give a fuck. He's one of those 'cool' religious people audience, like that aunt of yours who's a tattooed lesbian Christian but doesn't go to church because they're too repressive. Do people like that exist now? Yeah. But not in the goddamn 12th century.
 
It's funny, because praise for Saladin included that he was pious, but not a fanatic- clearly in those days there was still a definition of fanatic. And earlier parts of the movie do touch on this; there is the inherent tension between "fanatics newly arrived from Europe" and the established crusaders. What is missed, though, is that the older crusaders weren't like, enlightened deists dealing with backwards Euros. The division was on the matter of the political, and it was one that had existed since the Second Crusade had them attacking their own ally.

Mostly it feels like what you said; they painted them as very inoffensive people. The good guys are the ones who proclaim peace and love and tolerance, the bad guys are organized religious fanatics. Balian says "All have Claim" to Jerusalem, but ignores the Jew in the back asking if they want to let them actually have a synagogue then. Or when they'll get some recompense for all the murder (a joke, I don't think there were any Jews in Jerusalem at this time anyways, though I could be wrong).

Which is a bit annoying. There seems to be no acknowledgement that in this period, it's not a gradient of "are you religious or not?", it's a question of "how do you put your religion into practice in your actions?" Which is the main tension, but isn't that much in the movie, which focuses more on the conflict between fanatics and do-gooding deists who don't believe in "religion", only in "holiness", as proclaimed by the winking awesome angel Hospitallar.

Generally, things tended to also be a matter of tolerance, but there is always limits to tolerance. Which again, is touched upon in earlier parts of the movie ("as long as the Saracens pay their tax, we let them pray" ~ Messenian Merchant) but is dropped later in favor of a far more full-throated out of place universalism with strange egalitarian elements. And it's not as if you need these to have a good message. The core plot of Muslims and Christians struggling to co-exist would have been enough.
 
It's a decent line, and Massoud's acting throughout the movie was fantastic, but I don't like what it represents. Political actor or not (and yeah Saladin was a savvy politician at the very least) the man was still a devout Muslim, Jerusalem means a lot. And on that note, this is what's wrong with western cinema. You got Ghassan Massoud to play Saladin and your main character is William Turne- excuse me, French William Turner in the Holy Land. Just... you could have done so much better by focusing on Saladin instead.
I didn't take it so. "Nothing" looks like a cynical rejection of religious sentiment by a man who absolutely wouldn't have said it, but the "everything" part is what matters. Jerusalem is nothing as a place, but everything as a religious symbol, and this is just as good as anything else you care to name. Crucially Saladin doesn't quantify "everything" (everything to whom?); its value is universal, even when it goes unacknowledged. It is, I think, a concession that religion might be wrong or harmful, but the belief behind it is sincere. This is a theme that's later repeated in Prometheus, the human ability to maintain belief even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

I don't think my post fully does justice to what I want to convey here, but I hope you get the idea.
 
Alright, this was a hell of a week and so going to get some updates rolling here. We have probably got some assistance on our housing situation, though I deeply distrust the world at this point because I have the worst luck. But if it all goes well, we won't have to worry about getting kicked out of our place.

We also managed to get assistance on:
  • Getting the name change process started and funding for it
  • Getting new shoes for me because I had worn through my souls on my last pair of old shoes
  • Getting new glasses for Dissmech so she's not blind all the time.
  • A bunch of small stuff thanks to a gift card balance on Amazon and a coupon for Prime Now. I've never been this happy about a 12 pack of toilet paper before and when this is all over, I pray to God I never forget any of this time.
So we got that going on, though its 96 god damn degrees Fahrenheit and we don't have a fan much less AC/heat pump. Its boiling in here but hopefully the temperature goes down. Hopefully we can also get a breeze or something because its going to be hot for the next few weeks. :o

Anyway, there will be plenty of updates forthcoming! Sorry for all the delays.
 
Take care of yourselves first! Never feel guilty that you missed an update because you were busy making ends meet, nobody with a single atom of reason would hold it against you.
 
In which I cheat and review Stranger Things.

"NRRRRR IT'S NOT A MOVIE"
"Well, no but its pretty heavily-"
"NNRRRRRRRR'
 
Four AV Club kids in a basement are playing a marathon session of D&D. They creep through a dark, dank and creepy dungeon.

"Something is coming. Something that hungers for blood. A shadow grows on the wall behind you, swallowing you in darkness. Its coming"
He bangs on the table!
"Its the Demogorgan!"

The players argue over whether Will should cast a protection spell or fireball it and Will screams out that he's going to Fireball it. He over-enthusiastically throws the dice under the stairs and Mike's mom calls their game because its running too late. Will admits to Mike that he found the dice and the roll was too low.

"The Demogorgan got me"

They break for the night and ride home. As Will rides alone in the dark, the lights around him flicker and go dark as he spots a humanoid shape in the darkness. It begins to hunt him as he frantically makes his way home and bolts the door, trying to call the police, anyone but there's growling on the phone line as all the lights flicker and die, the door flying open unlatched. In a panic he goes for an old rifle in the shed out back of the house, loading it and preparing to defend himself. The light flickers, its behind him.

The Demogorgan got him.

Stranger Things is a throwback show on Netflix that plays out like the best adaptation of a Stephen King novel that nobody remembers him writing. Its modern sensibilities marinated in pure, unadulterated 80s. Will Byers disappearance to someplace else will lead everyone down a rabbit hole of secret government projects, human experimentation, the nature of evil, personal demons and the power of love and friendship. We're going full Spielberg with Stephen King riding shotgun and John Carpenter laying down some sick tracks from the back of the car.

The characters all start perfectly stock: There's the small town cop who used to live in the big city until tragedy struck, the single mom trying to make due for her kids after their useless father abandons them, the horny teenagers, the scientists pissing in the eye of god daring him to blink, the government conspiracy, the awesome science teacher, the four outsider friends beset by bullies who will do anything for each other and a young girl of unimaginable power that's been turned into a weapon but really just needs to live a normal life. There's the Demogorgon too and the lair it inhabits in the uʍop ǝpısdn.

These characters all start stock but are wonderfully developed across 8 amazing episodes. Netflix is in my opinion, probably one of the best producers of short run TV shows in the British style of "Let's make 8 awesome episodes instead of 24 good or alright ones". We watched Stranger things in Two hot and miserable days when it is was too hot for my computer to even function. I want more. The show fills the sweet spot between a Movie and a TV show, where they're able to actually develop all the characters properly while maintaining a feverish pace that has you hitting the remote for your next fix right into my eye veins.

The Format allows them to take the stock characters that make up most 80s movies and push out further on them. The single mother will stop at nothing to try to get her kid back, sitting in her house with an axe and a makeshift cross dimensional communication system not giving a single goddamn that she looks crazy, she's not going to give up on her son and she's not going to let any Demogorgon stop her. The police chief exudes weariness but when shit gets suspicious he won't deny the reality in front of him, he'll reach inside and pull out the fluff. The boys are all distinct from each other and have a natural relationship. Dustin especially, as he's the grounded voice of genre savvy reason, and he's mature enough to admit that two of his friends are closer to each other than they are to him but he accepts it. Eleven has a great arc and is more than just a science experiment or ET stand in. The government conspiracy is particularly brutal and willing to go to any lengths in the name of science and patriotism and power.

The long format and excellent storytelling means that we don't get too many infodumps, rather the strategic use of backstory and interactions gives us the context for characters actions and motivations. The few infodumps we get are charming, performed either by the young AV nerds theorizing with their D&D knowledge or their amazing science teacher who will happily try to explain to the best of his theoretical knowledge how the mysteries of the universe work with a handy demonstration or maybe just give you the instructions on how to make a sensory deprivation tank at ten thirty on a Saturday night. Where was this guy when I was their age?

I'm not going to spoil much but this show absolutely hits all the beats of the periods fiction while remaining fresh and new. The world is a dark and scary place filled with death and sadness but there is hope, there is always hope. The monsters that go bump in the night can be stood up to, friends stand by each other and undying love can win some fights.

Sometimes the only way to win is to just never give up, not for a moment.
 


(Also I love this print)

I know people don't like Gushing so I'll get back to poking bad stuff with a stick.
 
Oi, Athene! This one looks interesting...



I learned of it when one of the tracks for the score came up in my playlist. (Soundtrack is absolutely gorgeous pensive and brooding piano and strings.)
 
I think one of my favourite moments of Stranger Things was when

Barb gets pulled into the upside down and we get our first look at the Demogorgon's world. When I realized she was still in the pool and there was still a backyard I said "FUCK OFF IT'S A PARALLEL REALITY?!" to my empty house.
 
Stranger Things: the scifi show (despite not being just about scifi) that managed to make my sisters interested enough to watch with me. That hasn't happened since Orphan Black I think.

And yeah, it definitely looked, felt, smelled, and tasted like a Stephen King work, which is funny to me because there aren't many Stephen King televised adaptations that I like.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top