Post-Mortem Activities (Undead!Taylor, Slight Crack)
- Thread starter We Just Write
- Start date
That does sound more like it. I haven't read the comic in a long time and just jumped to the wiki to grab what I could. Wasn't enough of a geeky fan to remember that by rote
Lordhighalnder
Student, smarter than some.
- Location
- Long Beach, CA
But she a spooky skeleton girl now, why would she need skin and flesh when shes got the clack clack?
Alternatively: Why would they give something to someone in Capitalist America?
- Location
- Sufficient Velocity, at the moment
Advanced payment from all the media companies that suddenly realized that Death of the Author isn't a thing anymore. You can have spooky skeleton girl go into the grave to ask just about any dead author any question. Hell, they can even publish more now!
Revenant 1.2
We Just Write
Blatantly Plural
- Location
- New England
- Pronouns
- Plural
Turns out, recording a verification video for PHO was WAY too much fun. The CDC guys had a clean room all set up, the walls, floor, and ceiling firmly wrapped in sanitary plastic for my upcoming organ and tissue removal. The webcam was set up just outside the door, a roll of string was on the table, and I was holding a knife.
One of the hazmat dudes shot me a thumbs-up and said "We're rolling!"
In response, I waved to the camera, took off my shirt, and immediately plunged the knife into my torso just below my ribcage. Digging around with the blade felt a bit odd, but pretty soon a massive block of my internal tissues fell out on the table. Digging around in the disgusting chunk of rotting flesh, I found my heart pretty quick, the organ already obviously dead. It took a few minutes to tie the string around the useless lump of tissue and wind it up, but soon I was ready.
Thus, my verification video prominently featured me carving out my own heart and using it to do yoyo tricks. I started with walking the dog, then did a sleeper, finishing things off with doing an around the world. In the process, I noticed that I was having a WAY easier time moving the heart yoyo around than I really should be. Surreptitiously, I decided to check if this was something I could generalize, willing the knife to float about a centimeter over the table, and grinning internally when it worked.
Either way, soon my utterly grotesque verification video was done, and I signaled to the CDC dude to cut the video. A couple minutes later, I posted it to the PHO mods with the following message.
Subject: Requesting (Verified Undead) Tag
From: DeadGirl
So, I died, busted my way out of the afterlife, and now I'm a rotting undead zombie-ghost, pretty much. Anyway, I've got a video here showcasing my deadness which I'll be using for verification proof; you should probably put a gore warning on it, just FYI. Since I don't plan on doing much heroing or villainy in the near future, I REALLY don't want (Verified Cape).
With that done, I logged out from the computer, walked over to the slab the CDC hazmat duo would be taking me apart on, and gave them the thumbs-up.
Turns out, popping back to the afterlife was as easy as wanting to do so. One second I was lying down on the slab, the next I was back on the paths in the void. Seeing as I'd only been gone for a day or so, I figured mom was still at the hotel in Yomi, so I trotted back down the path that way. This time I was ready for its weird crazy geometry tricks, and as soon as I was in Yomi I stopped walking.
Looking around, I could clearly see that I was indeed in a pretty standard 'underworld' type realm. Stalactites could be seen sticking down out of the blue-ish gloom above, everything had luminescent mushrooms and mosses growing in random places, and all the buildings had been painted in bright cheerful colors. I mean, I guess that makes sense; just gray and dreary would get pretty boring after a while.
This was also the case for the hotel mom was currently visiting, done up in bright sky blues and whites, with murals all over the ground floor exterior. The doorframe meanwhile was done up with either gold or brass framing a large stained glass revolving door. I walked through, and finding myself in the lobby, I quickly found the desk being run by what looked like a young Japanese woman wearing a frilly black-and-red dress. I mean, I guess that makes sense, given which afterlife this is.
Either way, I asked "Hello, is my mother Annette Hebert still checked in?"
To this, the woman at the desk replied "Yes, though she is due to check out within the next hour."
I nodded in response, before walking up to mom's hotel room and saying "Hey mom, I'm back."
The door opened, and I once more found myself being hugged as my mom welcomed me back into the hotel room, saying "So, how did your attempt to haunt Emma work out?"
I sat down on the couch and said "It went great! I cut through the barrier with a chainsaw, slipped right back into my corpse, and sat up during my autopsy. A quick chat with the police later, and Emma's whole gang got arrested. Anyway, the CDC's currently picking my bones clean of soft tissues so I won't present a health hazard while walking around, so I decided to pop back over here for a few hours while they deal with it."
Mom chuckled, before noting "Makes perfect sense to me. Anyway, I'm planning on heading back to Hel soon, so if you would help with getting my luggage dealt with, that would be much appreciated."
Sure enough, an hour or so later mom and I were on the train from Yomi to Hel, and I thought to ask "Hey mom, why are we even bothering with taking the train if the funky geometry of the afterlife allows pretty much instant travel?"
Looking out the window, mom noted "Well, it's mostly because the train takes a bit longer that people use it. You can meet all sorts of interesting people on a train, and there's interesting scenery to comment on along the way. Case in point, this train goes right through the Forest of Echoes; turns out that trees get an afterlife too."
Looking out the train window at the chaotic mix of assorted trees from literally every climate zone on Earth, I did have to admit that the scenery was quite interesting. Still, one thing stuck out to me as I asked "Wait, I also saw plenty of trees back in Yomi, but if the Forest of Echoes is the afterlife for trees, then why are they there?"
To my surprise, a bearded man across the aisle from me spoke up, saying "Well, some of them are actual trees transplanted from the forest, but a lot are just scenery designed to look like trees. Some of them even make fruit, but they're not actually real dead trees; you can tell because chopping them down would actually work, instead of the tree just pulling itself back together."
After a few moments of thought, it occurred to me to ask "So wait, are you saying that I might see someone walking around with their head cut off or something?"
At this, the man noted "Yeah. We don't really have physical bodies down here, so we can do basically anything we want to ourselves and still be fine. Most people keep themselves in one piece for practical reasons, but I've outright seen Guillotines being advertised as both fetish gear and beautifying devices. Usually not both in the same advertisement, though."
Rather unexpectedly, mom spoke up at this point, saying "Huh, I got mine to get ready for a costume party. Pretty sure I've still got it in my basement somewhere, though I haven't used it in almost a year."
Immediately making a time-out gesture with my hands, I asked mom "Wait, you decapitated yourself for a costume party? Care to elaborate?"
Shrugging as if it were the most normal thing in the world -- which I guess it was because everyone here is dead -- mom replied "Well, I was going as Princess Langwidere, so it was rather required."
One of the hazmat dudes shot me a thumbs-up and said "We're rolling!"
In response, I waved to the camera, took off my shirt, and immediately plunged the knife into my torso just below my ribcage. Digging around with the blade felt a bit odd, but pretty soon a massive block of my internal tissues fell out on the table. Digging around in the disgusting chunk of rotting flesh, I found my heart pretty quick, the organ already obviously dead. It took a few minutes to tie the string around the useless lump of tissue and wind it up, but soon I was ready.
Thus, my verification video prominently featured me carving out my own heart and using it to do yoyo tricks. I started with walking the dog, then did a sleeper, finishing things off with doing an around the world. In the process, I noticed that I was having a WAY easier time moving the heart yoyo around than I really should be. Surreptitiously, I decided to check if this was something I could generalize, willing the knife to float about a centimeter over the table, and grinning internally when it worked.
Either way, soon my utterly grotesque verification video was done, and I signaled to the CDC dude to cut the video. A couple minutes later, I posted it to the PHO mods with the following message.
Subject: Requesting (Verified Undead) Tag
From: DeadGirl
So, I died, busted my way out of the afterlife, and now I'm a rotting undead zombie-ghost, pretty much. Anyway, I've got a video here showcasing my deadness which I'll be using for verification proof; you should probably put a gore warning on it, just FYI. Since I don't plan on doing much heroing or villainy in the near future, I REALLY don't want (Verified Cape).
With that done, I logged out from the computer, walked over to the slab the CDC hazmat duo would be taking me apart on, and gave them the thumbs-up.
Turns out, popping back to the afterlife was as easy as wanting to do so. One second I was lying down on the slab, the next I was back on the paths in the void. Seeing as I'd only been gone for a day or so, I figured mom was still at the hotel in Yomi, so I trotted back down the path that way. This time I was ready for its weird crazy geometry tricks, and as soon as I was in Yomi I stopped walking.
Looking around, I could clearly see that I was indeed in a pretty standard 'underworld' type realm. Stalactites could be seen sticking down out of the blue-ish gloom above, everything had luminescent mushrooms and mosses growing in random places, and all the buildings had been painted in bright cheerful colors. I mean, I guess that makes sense; just gray and dreary would get pretty boring after a while.
This was also the case for the hotel mom was currently visiting, done up in bright sky blues and whites, with murals all over the ground floor exterior. The doorframe meanwhile was done up with either gold or brass framing a large stained glass revolving door. I walked through, and finding myself in the lobby, I quickly found the desk being run by what looked like a young Japanese woman wearing a frilly black-and-red dress. I mean, I guess that makes sense, given which afterlife this is.
Either way, I asked "Hello, is my mother Annette Hebert still checked in?"
To this, the woman at the desk replied "Yes, though she is due to check out within the next hour."
I nodded in response, before walking up to mom's hotel room and saying "Hey mom, I'm back."
The door opened, and I once more found myself being hugged as my mom welcomed me back into the hotel room, saying "So, how did your attempt to haunt Emma work out?"
I sat down on the couch and said "It went great! I cut through the barrier with a chainsaw, slipped right back into my corpse, and sat up during my autopsy. A quick chat with the police later, and Emma's whole gang got arrested. Anyway, the CDC's currently picking my bones clean of soft tissues so I won't present a health hazard while walking around, so I decided to pop back over here for a few hours while they deal with it."
Mom chuckled, before noting "Makes perfect sense to me. Anyway, I'm planning on heading back to Hel soon, so if you would help with getting my luggage dealt with, that would be much appreciated."
Sure enough, an hour or so later mom and I were on the train from Yomi to Hel, and I thought to ask "Hey mom, why are we even bothering with taking the train if the funky geometry of the afterlife allows pretty much instant travel?"
Looking out the window, mom noted "Well, it's mostly because the train takes a bit longer that people use it. You can meet all sorts of interesting people on a train, and there's interesting scenery to comment on along the way. Case in point, this train goes right through the Forest of Echoes; turns out that trees get an afterlife too."
Looking out the train window at the chaotic mix of assorted trees from literally every climate zone on Earth, I did have to admit that the scenery was quite interesting. Still, one thing stuck out to me as I asked "Wait, I also saw plenty of trees back in Yomi, but if the Forest of Echoes is the afterlife for trees, then why are they there?"
To my surprise, a bearded man across the aisle from me spoke up, saying "Well, some of them are actual trees transplanted from the forest, but a lot are just scenery designed to look like trees. Some of them even make fruit, but they're not actually real dead trees; you can tell because chopping them down would actually work, instead of the tree just pulling itself back together."
After a few moments of thought, it occurred to me to ask "So wait, are you saying that I might see someone walking around with their head cut off or something?"
At this, the man noted "Yeah. We don't really have physical bodies down here, so we can do basically anything we want to ourselves and still be fine. Most people keep themselves in one piece for practical reasons, but I've outright seen Guillotines being advertised as both fetish gear and beautifying devices. Usually not both in the same advertisement, though."
Rather unexpectedly, mom spoke up at this point, saying "Huh, I got mine to get ready for a costume party. Pretty sure I've still got it in my basement somewhere, though I haven't used it in almost a year."
Immediately making a time-out gesture with my hands, I asked mom "Wait, you decapitated yourself for a costume party? Care to elaborate?"
Shrugging as if it were the most normal thing in the world -- which I guess it was because everyone here is dead -- mom replied "Well, I was going as Princess Langwidere, so it was rather required."
- Location
- england
this....this chapter made me chuckle. i find it hilarious that her verification vid is yoyo with her own heart
- Location
- Asian
i wonder how many people will get to see the Video and say that the Video is fake, thou getting the Tag on her username might proven it self.
Given that Dragon is probably part of the electronic investigation into Hess, it's likely that she has all the details and would know for a fact that the video is valid. Not much push back expected from the moderators.
Fun chapter! Looking forward to what happens next.
Fun chapter! Looking forward to what happens next.
Bronze_Moose
Okay at Omake
- Location
- Port Angeles, Washington
PHO interlude please! LOL
We Just Write
Blatantly Plural
- Location
- New England
- Pronouns
- Plural
- Location
- US
This implies that there is one odd thing, and the rest follows logically. If we count 'Taylor figured out how to exit/enter the afterlife' as the odd bit, then the rest follows. Crack is generally but not always paired with humor though.
- Location
- Russia
Besides, I found the whole "heart as a yoyo" thing perfectly plausible. Wouldn't you wear your own pickled heart as a fancy knickknack on a string if you knew not having it wouldn't do shit to you? >>w>>
- Location
- Missouri
Well, I'm hooked. Can't wait to see where this goes, and what horrible problems carving a hole in the boundary between life and death causes.
Jordisk
<Unverified N00B>
- Location
- Blind Eternities
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
This certainly seems only slight. It has a power that would not be out of place in a "crack" fic, but so far has had fairly serious actions and repercussions. One of the key things that says this is NOT all crack, is he actually had the CDC involved.
Now I want to see her ask the CDC people to use the plastic injection things that they use on the human body exhibits on her heart, then she literally strings it as a necklace.
Finagle007
[Verified Great Old One]
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Yeah, we REALLY need a PHO interlude. That oughta be very good.
We Just Write
Blatantly Plural
- Location
- New England
- Pronouns
- Plural
I'm actually gearing up to do an Interlude Variety Pack.
- Location
- Sufficient Velocity, at the moment
I love interlude variety packs! They're excellent value for the price.
VC Project
Infinite Possibilities at the Point of No Return
There's going to be major theological ramifications with the info-bombs that Undead Taylor is going to be loosing unto Earth Bet. Like, the existence of an actual consolidated afterlife, the dichotomy of the soul, and they now have a "live" eyewitness to grill about it. Or how some of the various afterlives are actually now pleasant enough to be considered "tourist destinations" which means the Pearly Gates, the Circles of Hell, Valhalla, etc. are possible to visit.
- Location
- Russia
I would assume that the Circles of Hell are still a rather crappy place to be. Nobody does any torture, no, it's just the common dumping ground for the assholes that don't fit anywhere else, and they do the torture themselves in an indirect way by being surrounded by assholes.
Interlude 1: PHO
We Just Write
Blatantly Plural
- Location
- New England
- Pronouns
- Plural
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♦ Topic: Hey, guess what, I'm dead. No big deal.
In: Boards ► Brockton Bay ► General
Deadgirl (Original Poster) (Verified Undead)
Posted On Jan 2nd 2011:
So I just died by getting shoved into my locker and locked in for way too long with rotting feminine hygiene products. Anyway, that's when I found out that the afterlife is 100% real, and that all you need to get back to the living world is a giant-ass chainsaw, determination, and a whole lot of spite. Please note that the chainsaw is meant for use in the barrier between the living world and the afterlife, not for on people. Meanderings aside, I scared the crap out of the coroners when I sat my corpse up during my autopsy.
Anyway, proof of my demise can be found with both my obituary and my verification video (WARNING: GORE). I don't have much in the way of soft tissues anymore though; the CDC had to skeletonize me to prevent me being a disease vector of horrific proportions.
Like any self-respecting ghost, I've got some unfinished business to deal with.
-Haunt my murderers (Done, got them arrested too! Thanks Brockton Bay PD! Gonna need to face off in court to make the charges stick though.)
-Finish school somewhere OTHER than Winslow.
-Advocate education reform; the fact that the educational system was in such a sorry state as to allow what happened to me is a disgrace.
-Answer questions about the afterlife.
-Get mom to come back to the living world and visit dad sometimes.
Pretty sure I'll come up with more stuff as I stick around longer. Undead need to keep busy!
(Showing page 3 of 17) ►XxVoid_CowboyxX
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
Er, since the verification video isn't masked, would I get in trouble for saying I know this girl? Because I definitely bumped into her quite often back when she was alive. That is 100% Taylor.
►GstringGirl
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
*looks upthread*
Considering that Deadgirl literally posted her actual Obituary (and isn't that a surreal sentence to type), I'd say you're probably in the clear.
►Deadgirl (Original Poster) (Verified Undead)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
@XxVoid_CowboyxX
Well, I'm a little ticked at you for not calling the police the instant you saw me getting locker'd, or maybe all those times I was pushed down the stairs. Most of my ire's still directed at my murderers though, so I'll only haunt you a little.
I mean, I outright posted a link to my obituary. Pretty hard to be more open about things than that.
Edit: Ninja'd
►Deadman (Not Actually Deceased)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
Can I just say how weirded out about this whole situation I am? I go to sleep one night, next thing I know I'm strongly considering changing my username because a certain someone literally decided to chainsaw her way out of the afterlife and rise from her grave. Well, autopsy slab. Same difference.
I hereby recommend that breaking out of the afterlife be referred to as "pulling a Hebert." in future.
►Vista (Verified Cape) (Wards ENE)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
Firmly agreed on calling it "Pulling a Hebert". Not sure what else to say except that getting stuffed in a locker full of rotting tampons sounds like an AWFUL way to go, and if she'd lived that could have DEFINITELY qualified as Trigger material.
►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
Yet another person joining the group saying "Wait, what just happened?" Seriously, even for Capes this whole thing came straight out of left field.
►SpecificProtagonist
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
So, on a completely unrelated note, how's the PRT taking this whole mess?
►Feychick
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
Seconded; seriously, this situation seems like it falls squarely under their jurisdiction just due to the incredibly weird shit happening. Well, either that or the CDC, considering the interest they seem to have taken.
►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
In my official capacity as a representative of the PRT, we have no comment at this time.
In a completely unofficial capacity, Director Piggot looks sufficiently furious about the events leading up to this situation that we're pretty sure she's at risk of pulling a Hebert if no-one calms her down.
Take that as you will.
►Deadgirl (Original Poster) (Verified Undead)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
Well, the Protectorate at least took some interest, since Armsmaster was at my debriefing immediately after I got back from the afterlife. He had his armor in full hazmat mode and everything.
►XxVoid_CowboyxX
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
@Deadgirl
Wait, you met Armsmaster? Did you get his autograph?
►Cattyness (Verified Undead)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
So guys, you know how I had that whole thread about my cystic fibrosis finally catching up with me and having a couple weeks to live? Yeah, I read Deadgirl's OP, and asked the doctors to pull the plug. Turns out, every last thing she said about the afterlife is 100% true. Told the lady in afterlife processing about Deadgirl's stunt with the afterlife barrier and my intent to try it out, and she went to watch as I chainsawed a hole right through.
Anyway, I'm currently wearing my corpse right now. I've got an embalming appointment in a little while, though I'll probably go skelly in a couple months or so. Anyway, since the afterlife *is* quite an interesting place a lot more of my time will be tied up with exploring over there, but you can still expect me to hang around PHO for the next decade or so.
►Procto the Unfortunate Tinker (Not a tinker)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
Wait, you mean that returning from the dead is REPEATABLE!? Holy shit.
►Space Zombie (Not Actually Deceased) (Banned)
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
@Cattyness I'm going to call your bluff. This is totally a hoax on your part to get more attention and I'm not buying it. Powers just don't work that way, and I don't care what sort of trippy hallucinations Deadgirl went through in that locker, she isn't actually dead.
(User was infracted for this post)
►Winged One
Replied On Jan 3rd 2011:
You know, until now I'd never even considered suicide as a solution to my specific personal problems, but the fact that the afterlife now has multiple verifications is making me strongly consider it. Before anyone says "But why don't you just leave?" I've tried. It hasn't worked.
So yeah, I'm going to try and pull a Hebert. Probably sometime in the next month or two.
■
Ugh, writing this was legitimately awful.
Valley of River
Photographer of the Valley of the River
- Location
- Canada. In a Valley. With a River.
on the other hand, you'll have people like me.
"so wait, you're telling me that the inevitable destruction of this fragile sack of meat that I call a body isn't really all that big a deal, and all the different things that you can do to what's left behind won't be noticed at all? that's a relief."
*EDIT: got ninja'd by PHO. I didn't think about this consequence. suicide becomes an actually valid (if still last resort) medical treatment. soon murder victims are gonna be testifying at the trials of their own killers. also, is the Ziz really planning to Suicide by Cape and Pull a Hebert? that's... actually a valid plan. yikes. Taylor's really gone and changed the world more than Scion could've ever hoped to do.
Last edited:
- Location
- england
...undead simurgh...all of my yes
- Location
- Fiction
I'm not sure how I feel about this...
I suppose I can always hope Ziz comes back smaller and decides to hang out with Taylor.