Voting is open
Confused Jackie Chan and Facepalming Picard Counter New
All Instances of Confused Jackie Chan & Facepalming Picard



Total Confused Jackie Chan Tally: VII

1D100 = 6+25+5+10-15 = 31 (The heck? :jackiechan: )
1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat!Fail! 7 (Why do I even bother... :jackiechan:)
1D3+3 = 3+3 => 6! ( :jackiechan: )
:jackiechan: Bro, at this point, the dice just have a mind of their own. And no one can convince me otherwise.
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = Nat! 97+20+10-10-15 => Nat!Crit! 87 ( :jackiechan: What is going on?!)
1D100 = Nat! 1+15+15-20 => Nat!Fail! 11 ( :jackiechan: THREE NAT ONES?!?!?!)

|==================================|

Total Facepalming Picard Tally: VII

1D100 = Nat! 2+20+10-15-10 = Nat Crit! 7 ( :facepalm: ...of course.)
1D100 = Nat! 96+25+15+10+5 = Nat!Crit! 151 ( :facepalm: Oh, screw off.)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20-15-10 => Neg!Fail! -4 ( :facepalm: Of course...)
1D100 = Nat! 1+20+10-15 => Nat!Fail! 16 ( :jackiechan: I... Buh... Whu... :facepalm:)
1D100 = 11+15+15-20 => 21 ( :facepalm: Can anything be normal in my quest?)
1D100 = 85+15+10-15 => Art!Crit! 95 ( :facepalm: I'm done... I've had enough of this.)



@Randomnerd, thank you for the idea.
 
Last edited:
He's not going to be General for long. Clinton will be lucky if he keeps his head, much less his post. I cannot imagine the disgrace he is under right now for fucking up like this.
To be fair, his forces were out numbered between 3/1 to 2/1, so it's not like he brought an overwhelming display of force against the colonists. Not that his superiors will find it amusing, though.
 
To be fair, his forces were out numbered between 3/1 to 2/1, so it's not like he brought an overwhelming display of force against the colonists. Not that his superiors will find it amusing, though.

Maybe, but with the reputation the British army had at the time, combined with the fact that they had zero reason to believe that a bunch of Militia would not only stand their ground but counterattack with such ferocity they sent them into flight and captured hundreds of prisoners in the process would be a MASSIVE shock to not only Britain but the world as a whole.
 
[X] Plan: Stay Put, Send Help
-[X] It is no use tiring your men out after they just built one fort. You'll stay back and continue guarding Bunker Hill; if need be, you can reinforce later.
-[X] Get reinforcements over to where needed pronto. You will need them.
--[X] Get them to Breed's Hill.
-[X] Get ammunition and supplies over to where needed pronto. You will need them.
--[X] Get them to Breed's Hill.
-[X] Shore up fortifications wherever you and your men will be stationed.

Ok, now that was most interesting... the British blunder at Breed's Hill will really come to bite them in the butt. This update is one of the primary reasons why I love RNG. :D

I believe we should stay put and guard our hill. We did occupy it for a reason and somebody needs to stay here and protect it, should the British smarten up and try to take it. In the meantime, we will send all possible help to Breed's Hill to fortify for a second attack. To abandon our position solely to earn a bit of glory is very selfish and unprofessional.
Now, now, let's not get too ambitious here. Quebec is in an odd place with it feudal-style governance of seigneurs over habitants, and both the Americans and British fundamentally misunderstood their culture. Ultimately, Quebec was fine with British rule at the moment, and America invading only cemented their siding with the British.
Arnold still did recruit a good number of eager people from Quebec when marching on the city. Those, that survived retreated south back to the Thirteen Colonies and fought for the rest of the war, being given land grants for their possessions lost in future Canada.
Benny A deserves all the support and we should do everything in our power to get onto Washington staff and give it to him. I want to save Benny A and turn him into a real American hero.
He was mentioned before and like I said, I hope we will get a chance to earn him the status he deserved.

@Duke William of, since we have a lull in the fighting, I hope that William Stark is already racing on his horse with musket in hand to join up for the second assault. ;)
 
Last edited:
[X] Plan: Stay Put, Send Help
-[X] It is no use tiring your men out after they just built one fort. You'll stay back and continue guarding Bunker Hill; if need be, you can reinforce later.
-[X] Get reinforcements over to where needed pronto. You will need them.
--[X] Get them to Breed's Hill.
-[X] Get ammunition and supplies over to where needed pronto. You will need them.
--[X] Get them to Breed's Hill.
-[X] Shore up fortifications wherever you and your men will be stationed.

This is awesome!! Just found it, and I do love the War of American Independence. Having a diligent man in the background solving the perennial problem that faced the continental army should be an interesting butterfly.
 
@Duke William of, since we have a lull in the fighting, I hope that William Stark is already racing on his horse with musket in hand to join up for the second assault. ;)
I would roll, but considering the battle has started much earlier than IOTL, I will allow William Stark to join the fight with no need for a roll.

Also, three plans for me! Whoopeee!!! :D
 
This is awesome!! Just found it, and I do love the War of American Independence. Having a diligent man in the background solving the perennial problem that faced the continental army should be an interesting butterfly.
The Revolution had several men like that. Von Steuben for the army discipline and professionalism problems, and became one of Washingtons' inner circle, Tadeusz Kościuszko was the man behind Westpoint and many of the other great tactical and stratigic forts that were made at Saratoga that saved the revolution from disaster.

John Glover saved the army multiple times in the campaign season of 76... and was in charge of ferrying the army to miraculous victories of Trenton and Princeton.

THose are the big three.

If your talking about fiance and supplies, I don't think anyone can really stop those issues. Congress was always desperately short of money due to not having the power to tax, and many of the nitrate farms that would supply America with gunpowder in the civil war and beyond, would not be founded until after the Revolution.

seriously, I read that something of 80% of The Continental Army's gunpowder had to be imported and only 100,000 pounds of powder was made in America during the first few years of the war.
 
Last edited:
Tadeusz Kościuszko was the man behind Westpoint and many of the other great tactical and stratigic forts that were made at Saratoga that saved the revolution from disaster.
Gates, for all his faults and blunders, actually acknowledged Kościuszko's decisive contributions to the victory at Saratoga in his letters. Unlike what happened to Arnold.
 
Gates, for all his faults and blunders, actually acknowledged Kościuszko's decisive contributions to the victory of Saratoga in his letters. Unlike what happened to Arnold.
That was actually the most surprising thing that I think the man ever did in my mind during the war.

The fact he didn't try to take credit for that mans work surprised me.

I still say fuck Gates and the horse he rode on. that man got to many men killed and was behind several conspiracies to remove Washington from his office for his own personal pride and lust for fame and glory.
 
Last edited:
One good deed does not wipe away the blood and lives on his hands.
Nobody ever said that.

Gates was one of the worst generals of the war, that is beyond any doubt. He had political backing and that's the only reason he commanded for so long.
As well as him getting fucking financially ruined by doing things for the revolution that most people who fought in the war never did... would take a toll.
That's the saddest part for me.

While he commanded brilliantly and showed great resourcefulness, it was ultimately the fact, that he sacrificed his own personal fortune for the cause that made his decisions all the more bitter. His records and books went down with the ship at Valcour Island and he had no way of proving to Congress, that he paid his soldiers what he claimed to with the hope of reimbursement. His desperate financial situation was one of the reasons why he wanted the money.
 
Last edited:
Gates was one of the worst generals of the war, that is beyond any doubt. He had political backing and that's the only reason he commanded for so long.
Worst generally on the American side maybe. I think Johnny Burgoyne is the worst one in the whole war, considering his failings I belive cost the British the whole war. Not because of his personal bravery, which was never in doubt, but from his leading of his men during the Saratoga campaign.
While he commanded brilliantly and showed great resourcefulness, it was ultimately the fact, that he sacrificed his own personal fortune for the cause that made his decisions all the more bitter. His records and books went down with the ship at Valcour Island and he had no way of proving to Congress, that he paid his soldiers what he claimed to with the hope of reimbursement. His desperate financial situation ultimately was one of the reason, why he wanted the money.
... Maybe we need to give him more help.

or him saving his books on Vancouver island.
 
Last edited:
[Canon] Magoose: A Fortuitous Letter New
A Fortuitous Letter:

Benedict Arnold was not a happy man.

The scene around him—his makeshift command post at Fort Ticonderoga—was an unruly mess of drunken idiots. The militia, along with Ethan Allen's Green Mountain Boys, had been slowly drinking their way through the fort's dwindling stores of alcohol since the capture of the fort itself. These were hardly the disciplined men he had envisioned leading into glory. In fact, they seemed more interested in plundering and revelry than any serious military campaign. Arnold had marched north expecting triumph, expecting to carve his name into the annals of history with this bold capture. And, true enough, glory had come—but it had been shared, to his great frustration. His subordinate and so-called deputy, Ethan Allen, had ensured that.

He had hoped that boy and girl... what was her name, Sarah and James was it? would have provided him much better publicity in the presses of Philidelphia and the rest of the colonies... but still nothing.

That man. Allen's brashness grated on Arnold's nerves like pine needles on his bare skin. Arnold couldn't shake the feeling that Allen would be the death of him one day. The two had quarreled over authority since the moment they'd met, hell he thought Allen almost had him shot because he wore that stolen red coat of his, but Arnold had to begrudgingly admit something: when it came to fighting—and drinking—the Green Mountain Boys were damn fine men and he'd want them in battle.

But respect? Obedience? They knew none of it.

He was a colonel—granted command by both Connecticut and Massachusetts. That meant something. Or at least it should have. But here, at Ticonderoga, his orders were met with sneers, laughter, and outright defiance. He could barely get them to perform the simplest of tasks. This rabble didn't care about his rank or his commission. All they saw was Ethan Allen's gang of irregulars partying and lazing about, their loyalty tied to a man who was more outlaw than an officer and followed that lead.

Why wouldn't they. It was the great Ethan Allen who won the day, with his southern side kick, Benedict Arnold.

Still, Arnold reminded himself, he was here now. He had claimed a role in this victory, no matter how diminished it felt. The cannon and supplies taken from the fort would prove invaluable to the Patriot cause, and soon he would have the chance to prove himself further. He just needed these damnable men to follow him. If only they would listen.

He clenched his jaw, feeling the tension in his shoulders. But with a slow, deliberate breath, he forced his mind back to the task at hand. There was no time to dwell on the chaos around him. There were reports to be written, and orders to draft—though whether they would be followed was another question entirely. His eyes fell to the paper in front of him, the ink and quill ready. He flexed his fingers, feeling the familiar comfort of control return with each stroke of the pen.

For all the disobedience around him, for all the rabble that threatened to undermine his authority, this—here, on paper—was where he still held command. For now.

To the Honorable Members of the Continental Congress,

From Colonel Benedict Arnold, commanding officer of the Connecticut and Massachusetts militia, stationed at Fort Ticonderoga:

I have the honor to report that on the 10th of May, in conjunction with a detachment of militia under the command of Mr. Ethan Allen, I successfully led an assault on Fort Ticonderoga. The operation was executed with minimal resistance, and the fort, along with its valuable artillery and military stores, now rests in our possession.

It is imperative to note that the fort's capture provided the Continental Army with strategic control over the route between the colonies and Canada, as well as much-needed artillery to support our efforts in the ongoing siege of Boston. The seizure of this vital stronghold serves as an important victory in our cause against British tyranny.

While I was prepared for the endeavor and bore the authority granted by both Connecticut and Massachusetts, I must acknowledge the independent forces under Mr. Allen, though their conduct at times lacked the discipline necessary for continued military success. Despite these challenges, our combined efforts have brought about this essential gain.

I await further instructions regarding the fort's defense and the proper use of the captured resources. Rest assured that I remain committed to the cause of liberty and will continue to serve the colonies with the utmost dedication.

I have the honor to be, with great respect,
Your obedient servant,
Colonel Benedict Arnold
Connecticut and Massachusetts militia


He took a breath… and did one more thing.

P.S.

Colonel Ethan Allen has expressed his eagerness to contribute further to any future operations in the northern theater, particularly in advancing our position into Canada. While his enthusiasm is notable, it is my duty to advise that any such efforts must be approached with careful consideration. I believe the success of future campaigns will depend on a more structured and disciplined force than we currently possess.

To that end, I have formulated initial plans for the possible division and reorganization of regular forces to ensure better command and efficiency in future engagements. Such restructuring would allow for a more reliable and unified front, mitigating the challenges we have faced thus far with irregular militia units. A more cohesive force would not only improve our military capacity but also ensure that operations proceed with the authority and control necessary to sustain prolonged campaigns against the enemy.

I remain at your service and am prepared to submit these plans for your review at the earliest opportunity.

Colonel Benedict Arnold.

AN: The First of Many Arnold Omakes.
 
So I have a question, who or what should I begin to try to write about next time, for an omake, I need some ideas.
 
Maybe the reactions of the British generals and how they might feel about the disaster that's the first battle for bunker hill. I feel that they would definitely all group together to discuss how have the first battle have gone wrong. And what should be noted as to what they would need to do for their next strategy, or maybe General George Washington's reaction to the first battle of bunker hill and how would he and his staff feel about it.
 
AN: The First of Many Arnold Omakes.
Here are the possible rewards.

[] The True North: The Quebec Expedition, if it happens, will get some bonuses.
[] Beautiful Bastard Benedict: Benedict Arnold will receive more recognition and a Colonel's Commission in the Army of Observation (Technically Continental Army, but the name hasn't been invented yet.)
[] Allen and Arnold: The two commanders who captured Ticonderoga have smoothed over their differences.
 
[] Beautiful Bastard Benedict: Benedict Arnold will receive more recognition and a Colonel's Commission in the Army of Observation (Technically Continental Army, but the name hasn't been invented yet.)
I choose this one… though he didn't he receive a generalship for what he did? I can't remember.
 
I choose this one… though he didn't he receive a generalship for what he did? I can't remember.
IOTL, he was a Colonel in the Massachusetts Militia when he led the capture of Ft. Ticonderoga, resigned after some difficulties with Ethan Allen, and then was made a Colonel in the Continental Army to lead the Quebec Expedition. So he hasn't become one yet.

Also, will update Omake List soon.
 
IOTL, he was a Colonel in the Massachusetts Militia when he led the capture of Ft. Ticonderoga, resigned after some difficulties with Ethan Allen, and then was made a Colonel in the Continental Army to lead the Quebec Expedition. So he hasn't become one yet.

Also, will update Omake List soon.
K I was just tryi my to remember if he got promoted to general before or after Quebec.
 
Genuinely surprised that no one has ever done a "No, SV, YOU are Benedict Arnold!" Quest yet. At least, a cursory search brought back nothing.
 
Genuinely surprised that no one has ever done a "No, SV, YOU are Benedict Arnold!" Quest yet. At least, a cursory search brought back nothing.
I actually almost did one once upon a time.

But as a young teenager, it was going to be a wank instead of an interesting idea so it never went anywhere.

Now that you got the old brain matter going.

But the problem is for Arnold is that much of his story is defined not by his own personal heroism and charecter, but the incompatence and greed of other people, with moments of true brilliance undercut by people stealing credit… where he was reactive and bitter until John Andre gave him a choice to become a traitor.

Plus there is really only two paths. Patriot hero or British traitor. There really is no in between
 
Last edited:
Voting is open
Back
Top