You don't remember the last time you were called up to the chalkboard or asked to do a reading in class; most teachers seemed to casually forget your presence after a while, which always suited you just fine. On the few occasions it had occurred, you vaguely remember hiding behind your hair and rushing through it as quickly as possible, to avoid getting any more attention than strictly necessary. It wasn't exactly what you'd call a harrowing experience, but it was never one you were eager to repeat.
Now, cornered by at least four sets of eyes, (and Nel's hidden but no less clear expectant gaze) you can feel that familiar rising anxiety, looking away so your hair can shield your face. If you still had a heart you're sure your pulse would be racing faster, and your thoughts are most certainly starting to.
For a moment, you're very tempted to reject this altogether, say something about going in without expectations… but no, you have a responsibility now. If nothing else, you should say something so your scouting trip won't have been pointless. (Seeing your brother wasn't pointless, you remind yourself)
Right, your brother. What would Nel think, let alone the others, if you admitted to skipping out on a potentially very important phone call to chase after him? What would the others think of you having a sibling? Even if you doubt Midori or Shimizu-san would pry, Pallavi seems far too eager to know her new teammates to hold back, and you just plain don't know what to expect from Miho. And if any of them found out who your brother was somehow, it wouldn't take long to realize his only sibling had died nearly a week ago now. It wouldn't be news to Midori, but she wasn't the one you were concerned about going digging in the first place. And through all this, you can still feel the stares.
Nel makes some garbled approximation of a throat-clearing noise, and you suddenly realize you've been standing there like a deer caught in headlights for far too long now. Remembering your hurried readings in class, you decide to just resort to the same tactic here as well.
Squaring your shoulders and letting out a deep breath, you stride forward to Nel's desk with the same feeling as a prisoner marching to their execution. (The thought that the former doesn't really matter without lungs and the latter would simply be redundant, fails to bring you any comfort.) Once you reach it, you turn sharply on your heel, stiffly stare at the back wall to avoid meeting anyone's gaze, and do your best to get this over with fast.
"Went to the bookshop, hid away for a while. They had some jars with pink stuff inside. They're also looking for something else in the city, but I think they haven't found it yet? Spoke a different language for a bit. Said something about calling someone, but… I wasn't able to listen in on it. After that, I don't think anything else happened, and I left to take care of… other business."
With that, you return to your original position at the back wall, nearly tripping on your own dress in the process; trying not to look too much like you're fleeing the proverbial spotlight, and likely failing miserably. Keeping your expression neutral, you lean on the wall to keep yourself from completely sinking to the floor, aware of nothing but the slightly chilled metal panels supporting you. And then the spiral sets in.
You're not cut out for this. You can barely talk to one of them at a time, let alone the whole group. This is so much worse than your classmates, too; you never really needed to know anybody, didn't need to know Midori was always watching you from a few desks over, but this is different. Now you actually have to get to know them and work with them, and their opinions matter. How can you do that when you're too scared to talk to them? Not to mention all the secrets you've been keeping.
Maybe if you'd have been braver and just said you didn't want to talk about your brother you wouldn't be feeling so bad. On the other hand, admitting why you left wouldn't be any better, everything Shimizu-san has said about Miho applies thricefold to you when you don't want to be here doing this you want to just selfishly hide away in your room and draw forever and pretend you're still alive and the world isn't burning down outsid-
A gentle hand touches your shoulder. "Are you alright?"
Looking up, you see Pallavi standing over you, head tilted in curiosity but eyes soft and free of expectation. "You seemed lost in thought. Are you alright? We're heading out now." Glancing beyond her, you find Nel's opened a door on one of the side walls, with Shimizu-san and Miho already gone. Midori's loitering on the threshold, glancing back at you and Pallavi with a stormy expression.
"I'm… here." you mumble. For better or worse she's pulled you off the downward train your thoughts were taking, even if they linger in the back of your mind. "But thanks, for… asking, I guess. You're right, I just got lost in thought."
With a relieved grin, she pulls you closer for a hug, then evidently thinks better of the action and lets you go for another bow. "Happy to help! And uh, like Nelchael-buchou said, it seems you've been doing a lot already, so thank you very much for your hard work." She bows again, looking a little bit self-conscious, before retreating across the office and out the door in a blink.
Taking another moment to steady yourself, you follow after at a slower pace; once she sees you're coming, Midori makes her exit as well. Before you can follow suit, though, the door abruptly snaps shut, and Nel sighs behind you. "Can I ask you to stay a moment?"
Resisting the urge to grumble about your evident lack of choice in the matter, you instead round on the Shade expectantly. "What now?"
Nel's back at their desk, sitting down for once, the clouds that (conceal? make up?) their form looking somehow… droopier than usual. "A few things, really." Taking a seat where Pallavi had been previously, you maintain your level stare, willing them to elaborate. "First of all, I did not mean to put you on the spot like that. I could sense some of your distress through the ring; had I known it would have that kind of impact, I wouldn't have asked that of you, and I will not do so in the future."
"It's o-…" It's not okay, really. You bite your lip. "It's over with now, that's the important thing. No hard feelings." You don't have the time or emotional energy for this right now, and the idea of your feelings being an open book doesn't exactly feel great either. "What else is there?"
Nel seems to give you a searching look (you're too tired at this point to be bothered by how hard it is to tell) but ultimately gives in and moves along. Dragging the box of rings from the far corner of the desk, they open up the top to stare at the lone pink ring remaining, still nestled in the very center. "I don't make a business of prying into your head, if that's a concern. Typically, the connection is supposed to be so faint that I couldn't tell at all, and it is that way with the others, but perhaps it's a bit stronger for you due to the lack of a physical body? So I wanted to inform you of that now, since you have a right to know. I will request an inhibitor of some sort, just to preserve your privacy, but until I obtain it, that's something to be aware of."
You grimace, unhappy with this turn of events, but give a begrudging nod. "Thank you, I guess."
They glance up from the pink ring sheepishly, before turning serious again. "Either way, I still can't sense anything more than a faint undercurrent from you, unless you're having a spike of severe emotion. Such as just now… or about an hour and a half ago."
You sink lower in your chair.
"In addition to that, you stated that you needed to leave the bookshop to take care of something else." They're clearly curious, despite their best efforts to pretend otherwise. "And I noticed that you were feeling bad earlier, but I was… preoccupied at the time. So… if you want to talk about it, I am your advisor."
What to sa-
No. No, you really don't want to talk about it right now. The only one you can imagine confiding in right now is your brother, and if you weren't ready to bring this up with the others, there's no way you're about to spill to Nel. As well-meaning as they may be, you just can't see your airheaded alien quest-giver having anything helpful to say, even if you could somehow bring yourself to speak in the first place. No, not right now.
Instead, you seize on the other part of their sentence, hoping to distract them. "Preoccupied, you said? With what?"
Thankfully it seems to work, their gaze turns back to the ring as their clouds droop further. "Nitta Mari. Age thirty-seven. A lawyer, and a mother."
"What?"
Nel sighs. "After I returned from recruiting Kasai-san, I got news from one of the other agents in the city, that another person has gone missing. Do you remember what I told you, the first night, about everything that's been going on lately?"
Glancing up at the ceiling, its redwood beams still making an odd juxtaposition with the geometric metal panels of the walls, you strain to recall. "The clones, obviously. And the monsters. And there was something about… tremors underground?" You're not sure how an ordinary earthquake is of any concern, but refrain from the temptation to make a snarky comment; the mood doesn't seem right.
"Yes, all of that too," Nel mutters tiredly, before resuming "And people vanishing at random, was the other one. I didn't really explain in full at the time, given there were more pressing concerns, but there have been a series of disappearances lately, in broad daylight no less."
You frown, wondering where this is going. "Is this something you need me to take care of while the others are at the bookstore?"
"Not really," Nel sighs again. "Because I think this is something we will need the full team for." Glancing back at the pink ring, you catch on to their meaning. "None of the disappeared people have returned on their own, and all we've been able to find thus far is the faintest residue of a portal opening where they were. This is something different even from our transportation," they wave vaguely at the still-raised door on the wall, "and while our resident Vault team do have the capability to reconstruct it, their duties require them to stay here, in reserve. Eventually, I'm going to have to send you and the others through, but I don't want to do that until we have our Pink, and until Kasai-san and Shimizu-san can settle… whatever it is between them. But until then, people will keep vanishing, and Ms. Nitta-san is the latest. I cannot send them help without feeling like I'm sending all of you to vanish forever as well."
"I see." Your impatience has drained away, and you're reminded of your earlier sense of helplessness, and how poorly your hiring advice has aged. "I wish I knew what to say, but… I really don't."
Deflating further, Nel rests their limbs across the desk. "If only I was CilΞoatl~Ψerachmiel… she would surely know what to do…"
"Sil-choat… what?" You stumble on the unfamiliar syllables and strange sense of auditory color just as you had with Nel's full name.
Sensing your confusion, they strangely seem to perk up a bit at the chance to explain. "CilΞoatl~Ψerachmiel! She's another advisor! Or was, anyway. I guess you could call her my senpai, though maybe idol is a better word for it… She's managed several magical girl teams here in Japan in the past few decades, quite possibly one of the best at what she does. She even got to take on a human gender! Helped her teams solve their incidents with a nearly flawless success rate, too." They sigh again, but this time it's a lot less heavy. "Unfortunately she retired a few years back, though, and has become rather reclusive since. I wanted to meet her again now that I'm an advisor too, but I guess not."
You blink intelligently, not sure what to make of the sudden deluge of information and shift in tone. Thankfully, you're spared from having to respond as Nel goes prattling on.
"But if she were here, I bet she could fix those two arguing right away! She was so good at managing her teams, she could get girls who hated each other completely to love each other by the end." They pause for a moment before chuckling "... Literally, in one case. Apparently that team is a happy polycule to this day, with many children."
You blanch. "Right, yeah, I don't want to hear any more." You can't imagine yourself wanting to kiss the others, let alone anything more. "Perhaps it's for the best that you're not her…"
Nel looks confused, but you quickly move on. "Anyway, that's all unfortunate, but you said it yourself; there isn't anything we can do about it right now, right?"
They nod reluctantly. "Right."
You pause for a moment before resuming. "We'll save Nitta-san and the others eventually, but right now, there's still this matter at the bookshop to take care of. So… may you let me go to take care of that now?"
That finally seems to snap Nel out of their sudden starstruck swooning, and they quickly return to their typical businesslike demeanor. "You're right. I'm sorry. But yes, I will do that now."
You're halfway out of your seat when they stop you again. "Wait, there was one more thing!" Grumbling slightly, you simply nod in response this time. "I wanted you to be transformed for this briefing, but I realized that you might attract attention if you go like this to the bookshop."
"I had thought of that earlier, yes."
"So I wanted to ask if you think it would be more appropriate to shadow the group like you had at the hospital, or remain as you are now."
How To Do This?
> Shadow The Group. (Your earlier spying proved the owners couldn't detect your presence as a ghost. Nel can wave off your apparent absence later if need be, though doing this too many times may raise suspicion among the others.)
> Remain Transformed. (Without your Naginata on hand, you simply look a little overdressed for the occasion, but not especially suspicious. Furthermore, as long as you keep to the back of the group, you can still have some input in the conversation and react faster if something goes wrong.)
