In this quoted snippet the uncle apparently cracks a joke, but I can't figure out what it was supposed to be. Though not quoted above, it was also somewhat unclear what the two gate guards did to prompt this retaliatory joke. Perhaps I'm just missing something, so I would appreciate it if you could explain what this passage was meant to convey. Assuming I am not missing something obvious though, this section could use some added clarification as to what is going on.
I think the joke was that he called guard 1 Ichi, and guard 2 Ni, both japanese numerals for 1 and 2 respectively, alluding to how androgynous and similar-looking Hyuugas are?
Or maybe an in-joke from the writers about NPC guards in games are often only referred to with numerals?
I think the joke was that he called guard 1 Ichi, and guard 2 Ni, both japanese numerals for 1 and 2 respectively, alluding to how androgynous and similar-looking Hyuugas are?
Or maybe an in-joke from the writers about NPC guards in games are often only referred to with numerals?
That would explain why I didn't get it. I know nothing about Japanese numerals. Is that something that should be explained in story, or just left as a joke only some people will get? I'm not sure. I still get the feeling it should be clarified at least a little bit though.
Not really. I mean, the multipliers in most of his skills keep going up as he increases them, so it's not like he would have had zero growth. I guess what I'm really upset about is that he can't grind stats, except maybe at the academy? Thing I saw someone say that earlier.
Yes, it's something that's been confirmed. He'll be able to accrue stats at 'half' speed only while within the halls or training grounds of the academy. This is to simulate what the academy is, a ground dedicated to teaching and instructing. To creating more ninja for the war effort.
But beyond that, the academy is a place on enrichment to them, a 'holy' place so to speak. IMHO, the title was granted because 'The Gamer' ability recognized this, and realized that it should give the character something to commemorate it.
Beyond that however, It was to further illustrate how strong the gamer is. It bears in mind to mention however, with that title granted that every other student in the academy is progressing 50% faster than him only for it to be moot point 'cause Gamer bullshit, and prodigy.
I'd like to see some more glimpses of the older student because I'm a total sucker for lovable tomboyish nee-sans
It'll flesh out the academy phase and give Hiroshi a bit more variety in social interaction, I suppose. He will probably graduate earlier than her though.
This was why I discussed the idea with Golum. Too often stories either completely skip over the academy apart from a few mentions, or they get so bogged down in it that the never 'leave' it.
I'm wanting to, with Golum alongside for the ride explore what it should and would teach during the wartime curriculum. Depending too, on how the wars and the following story arcs go, I wanted to ring a possibility up with Golum about the SI being forced back to the academy cause wartime has ended, 'brushing' up on his other needed skills as it were.
Mainly for propoganda and brainwashing though, that's for in story description though, later. Also, it bears mention that I also wanted to flesh out the Si more, the characters around him more and possibly even introduce more characters in general.
The problem I have with doing this however, is that I'd essentially be creating OC's. I'm also well aware on how people are touchy on that subject, to say the least.
Meme aside, if you're writing a story in English, just straight up replace the Japanese suffixes with an English convention. And, for the love of god, do not pepper Japanese phrases into the text.
This is not my decision, and I won't make it by myself either. I'll mention it to Golum when we next speak, or he'll see it himself and make his own decision on the matter. I personally don't care about it. I find it enhances the story, if only slightly to me. P.S, just between me and you though @Dr. Bob Doom, I think Golum is a little bit of a Japan-ophile. Please don't hurt me Golum, I didn't mean it. Honest!
The innuendo and the part with Obito was pretty funny, but everything before that wasn't so if the fans were an attempt at humor then I didn't feel it in the slightest.
I'm not entirely sure how to respond to this in all honesty. I tried to be mildly humorous, but you found the one thing I didn't intend to be funny, funny. This bugs me.
Fun Fact, the double entendre in what Hiroshi planned to do to the academy flew right over my head. I was only made aware of it when Golum started snickering like a dork.
I'm a young teenager, who's not comically inclined so I apologize if my attempts or Golum's attempts at humor don't meet your expectations. ^.^, Nothing I can really do about it either.
Would you have a suggestion, to make it funnier anything really? I'd appreciate it if you did though, I understand if you don't.
In this quoted snippet the uncle apparently cracks a joke, but I can't figure out what it was supposed to be. Though not quoted above, it was also somewhat unclear what the two gate guards did to prompt this retaliatory joke. Perhaps I'm just missing something, so I would appreciate it if you could explain what this passage was meant to convey. Assuming I am not missing something obvious though, this section could use some added clarification as to what is going on.
What happened was that the guards said the same line at the same time, however they changed the ending part. One of them said Hiroshi-sama, and the other said Hizashi-sama. Both in the same tone, at the same time while mimicking each other perfectly. A very much 'weasly' twin's vibe I was going for, I see I've failed.
The retaliatory joke wasn't meant to be heard, but it's effects meant to be seen in their response. They both have names, very shall we say, similar to each other. They, absolutely hate when their twin gets called their name instead. So that's exactly what Hizashi did. As for why he did so, is because He and those twins have history together, he knows what ruffles their feathers, and they his. That's what they did.
I always like to hold the belief that my characters are alive and have more to life than all we see of them. What? The story followed a character as they went shopping for a day, and when they arrive home a supporting character is just sitting there watching TV? Bullshit. They live too, and when nothings around they go find shit to do. They interact without the story's focus needing to be there. A constantly evolving, and changing worlds is what I imagine when it comes to my characters.
They are human and the live even when the story isn't focusing on them.
In this quoted snippet, it is described how the SI views the fans he finds himself in contact with. It does not, however, explain who these fans are and it only gives a general description of their various behaviors. The section I have bolded in the quote above talks about a "her" that comes out of nowhere and is never brought up again. In the response you recently posted you reveal that this is an older, tomboyish girl who is the fan the rest of the snippet refers to, but none of that information is even vaguely hinted at in this chapter. I believe it would be beneficial for you to add that information in.
And there is a very good reason for this. It's because the SI doesn't know this. They didn't know it was an older academy student, they didn't know that they weren't a fan and only really, really thought he looked cute? It's meant to be mocking of the common cliche I find in naruto fanfic, that being that 'prodigies' get fans, only this time Hiroshi didn't get a fan. He only tickled her 'cute' bone, and by tickle I mean smashed with a fucking sledgehammer.
It also happened so fast that he had in the end, no idea what had actually happened. That's my story, I'm sticking to it.
I have also included your first mention of Kakashi above, to highlight how abrupt the transition to him is. No indication is given that the SI noticed another student or met someone he didn't recognize immediately. It simply jumps straight to "It was Hatake Kakashi, only chibi" with no adequate build up. It would only really take one extra sentence to fix this, something like "As I approached my classroom, I saw a figure waiting outside the door". That's just an example, I would not suggest you use that specifically, but you get the idea.
Beyond that, this was something that I thought I fixed cause it stood out to me as reading wired, but I guess I got caught up in Golum's enthusiasm to get the chapter out to y'all. I'll apologize, I'll be better next time. @Golum936 This is my suggest amendment to the chapter. Minor error on our part, ^.^.
'Oh, look who we have here.' I thought without showing any reaction on the outside as I stalked into the hallway, a thunderous cloud hovering over my head and my cheeks burning red.
It was Hatake Kakashi, only chibi. His was younger, less defined and… well, more cherubic than his elder counterpart that we all know and love. He was dressed in a utilitarian black outfit with his famous mask hiding his lower half of the face.
Beyond that however, I was mortified!
I already had them. Fans.
Fans, of the touchy feely 'I'm going to pinch your cheeks to make my point about you looking like a small child' and the 'I'm going to ruffle your hair violently while doing so', not to mention the, 'Whine and bitch over how lovely my hair is' variety.
I may have provoked the situation when I commented that her hair could use a good wash though. It wasn't on purpose though, and I'm entirely certain that's my unbiased opinion.
I know you also asked me to point out the grammar errors I mentioned, but I honestly don't have the patience to comb through this like an actual editor. I'm a very slow writer. What you see written here I started writing after you posted to request it. Sorry that I won't be pointing those out, but I don't have that much time or drive.
I simply cannot, for the life of me express how happy your response made me. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to give us honest criticism, to actually point out the flaws so we can work directly on them. I appreciate this more than you'll ever know. More than likely, I dunno, you could be like an internet empath or something.
I'll give you one example though. "Even after all those years I'm still not used to looking into the mirror and seeing another's face, don't forget the freaky eyes" is the second sentence of this chapter and it already has a few errors in it. It should be written closer to "Even after all these years I'm still not used to looking into the mirror and seeing someone else's face, let alone the freaky eyes". Changing those to these and don't forget to let alone were the actual grammar errors, while changing another's to someone else's is just a change I thought made this sentence flow better.
Cheers for pointing this out to me, I saw nothing wrong with it but tenses have never been my strong point, grammar 'neither. I'll try and keep an eye out for it in future but that's all I can really promise. I cannot wave a magic stick and have all my faults and deficiencies dissapear, but I can try to be better than I was. And I'll try all the more harder because of this. Thank you again for taking your time to do this.
That extends to everyone who does so as well.
I hope this helps you guys out and I am sorry it took so long to write. I've never contributed this much to helping out in a story thread before, so feel free to suggest any ways I could more effectively offer feedback. Good luck with the changes you're making to the timeskip!
.... Break your paragraphs into more manageable chunks?
But seriously, I think I covered most of what you bought up. Only took me somewhere inbetween 45 - 90 minutes. Sigh, the effort I put into this, but its fine. I'm generating conversation for both Golum and Myself. It feels absolutely fucking amazing that people are responding.
That would explain why I didn't get it. I know nothing about Japanese numerals. Is that something that should be explained in story, or just left as a joke only some people will get? I'm not sure. I still get the feeling it should be clarified at least a little bit though.
Meh, what can you do? We're all only human in the end after all. ^.^
So, I'm off for the night. Thanks y'all for reading. I've also updated the archive to contain the latest avaliabe character sheet. Stat's / HP / MP only.
Golum has also decided to include a Character sheet at the end of chapters in spoilers. Enjoy.
Those 2.4k words could be summed in bullet points:
->Still disturbed by new face
->Uncles still distancing themselves (for some reason?)
->Went to the academy. Rubbed shoulders with Kakashi, helped out Obito. Nothing else happened.
I really liked the scene with Obito, but I will second that there were parts, such as the Fan thing, that felt like you forgot a paragraph somewhere.
I'm a bit disturbed they are wasting a perfectly good day just to hand pamphlets. I mean, all the parents took their children, for they to go in, find their classroom, get handed a pamphlet and go home. Couldn't the Hokage show up for 5 minutes, as a nod to tradition? Meet and greet the parents? Why not hand to pamphlets to the parents and start assessing the level of the students, finish tuning the curriculum?
At least some basic things, like have them run, see how many already know how to throw kunai and make handseals, how many have some idea of taijutsu, etc.
Will they need to get a lot of them in shape? Can they jump straight to taijutsu classes instead? Can all of them use chakra already? Are there any extremely bellow or above average? How many know how to read and to basic math?
Lvl 1000 dishwashing :
If a ninja should ever be stupid enough to stand on a plate around you, you can make him disappear by waving a washing cloth vaguely in that direction
I'm sorry about that, but I try to use the Japanese words because most of the the English counterpart just doesn't have the same impact or meaning.
For example, it's very hard to get the respect towards a person across without using Japanese sama. Or calling a brother who you respect a lot but not very close to. Usually it would take several paragraphs to get that across but with Japanese I can just add niisama and get it done. Those Japanese additions also allow you to see how close some people are just by seeming them.
The name of the techniques are also a bit awkward in English. For example, Rasengan in English will be Spiraling Sphere. Chidori would be One Thousand Birds. Hakkesho Kaiten would be Eight Trigrams: Palm Rotation/Revolving Heaven. It just doesn't sound as good and is not as recognizable, at least for me personally.
But if people really don't like it I don't have a problem switching to all English, it would be a bit awkward and I'll need to lean on @The Uninspired more but I can pull it off.
I'm sorry about that, but I try to use the Japanese words because most of the the English counterpart just doesn't have the same impact or meaning.
For example, it's very hard to get the respect towards a person across without using Japanese sama. Or calling a brother who you respect a lot but not very close to. Usually it would take several paragraphs to get that across but with Japanese I can just add niisama and get it done. Those Japanese additions also allow you to see how close some people are just by seeming them.
The name of the techniques are also a bit awkward in English. For example, Rasengan in English will be Spiraling Sphere. Chidori would be One Thousand Birds. Hakkesho Kaiten would be Eight Trigrams: Palm Rotation/Revolving Heaven. It just doesn't sound as good and is not as recognizable, at least for me personally.
But if people really don't like it I don't have a problem switching to all English, it would be a bit awkward and I'll need to lean on @The Uninspired more but I can pull it off.
The techniques are fine. There's a long history of keeping technique names the same in media.
Here's are some useful notes regarding Japanese honorifics. If you insist on using honorifics, then be consistent about it and use them everywhere an actual Japanese speaker would, not merely as flavor text to save yourself a few minutes of writing.
A lot of the issues you're worried about with regards to conversational shorthand can be side stepped by changing the tone the main character uses when talking to people he respects. In fact, you should be doing this anyway, because merely tacking on a -sama while keeping conversation informal does not make sense.
Either way, just keep an eye on it and make sure you don't slip into Gratuitous Japanese.
I'm sorry about that, but I try to use the Japanese words because most of the the English counterpart just doesn't have the same impact or meaning.
For example, it's very hard to get the respect towards a person across without using Japanese sama. Or calling a brother who you respect a lot but not very close to. Usually it would take several paragraphs to get that across but with Japanese I can just add niisama and get it done. Those Japanese additions also allow you to see how close some people are just by seeming them.
The name of the techniques are also a bit awkward in English. For example, Rasengan in English will be Spiraling Sphere. Chidori would be One Thousand Birds. Hakkesho Kaiten would be Eight Trigrams: Palm Rotation/Revolving Heaven. It just doesn't sound as good and is not as recognizable, at least for me personally.
But if people really don't like it I don't have a problem switching to all English, it would be a bit awkward and I'll need to lean on @The Uninspired more but I can pull it off.
I don't find the honorifics bothersome. It comes up enough that anyone who enjoys Naruto probably already knows enough to understand them, it's easy to look up for those who don't, and it does give a good read on tone without cluttering up a fic. I personally don't care much about whether the technique names are translated, though using 'jutsu' in a mixed phrase (teach me jutsu! or shadow clone jutsu!) instead of technique/skill/art whatever is very annoying to me.
There's a certain amount of japanese culture involved in Naruto and similar manga regardless of them being in some fantasy world. No point in worrying about it, as long as the author is consistent. (of course, in the case of using honoriffics, a footnote about the meaning when someone refrains from using one is going to be appropriate the first time. )
Those 2.4k words could be summed in bullet points:
->Still disturbed by new face
->Uncles still distancing themselves (for some reason?)
->Went to the academy. Rubbed shoulders with Kakashi, helped out Obito. Nothing else happened.
There's actually a very good reason for why the academy doesn't throw them straight into classes, and it'll be explained later, possibly the next day. I've spoken with Golum on why nothing happens. And we've decided on a viable reason.
No I wont tell you, you'll have to wait for the next chapter. ^.^
I'll just leave this little tidbit; The wartime academy Curriculum is fucking brutal compared to the 'peacetime' academy.
I also find your three dot points rather insulting, but that's just me and I'm not insulted enough to not admit that its true, even in spite. So I'll cede this point to you, and we'll attempt to include 'more' in the next chapter.
Today I had to find my way back to academy on my own, though a quick check with my Byakugan told me that several Hyuga shinobi were following me. Well, not really following me, as I'm sure they wouldn't admit to it. I was quite aware of the answer I would get had I asked, probably something stupid. They just happened to be in my general vicinity, most of the time or something along those lines. I had a few choice words to say about that quite honestly.
They also served to reassure me that they're there should something happen. Those rickety old Hyuga bastards are many things, incompetent is not one of them. Unfortunately, it would probably make my life easier if they were, but they weren't.
As for why the Hyuga was following me in the first place, well. They still had this fear that as soon as I left the compound everything was under watch. I think, that the council of fossils had somehow contract this stupid, this utterly absurd belief that every pebble on the side of the road was a bomb in disguise or something. I went nowhere without a guard unless it was the academy, in which case I went without a noticeable guard.
As I went through the academy gates I stopped. I felt like I was being watched, I turned around and saw a mop of black hair. There he was, Uchiha freaking Obito in all his glory, with a piece of paper and a sticky tape in hand.
I raised my eyebrow and stared at him. I speak from experience here, when someone with completely white eyes is staring at you it is creepy. The benefits of being a Hyuga, I assure you. Well, one of them at least. Any stares or glares with the eyes is super effective vs. any type. Truly, a most fortuitous skill to have in the coming days I decided after mulling it over.
I'm going to assume that the face he makes is his attempt to smile at me awkwardly, I did the only thing that made sense to me really.
"Dobe." I was already turning as the words left my lips, but not before I saw the twitch that developed over his eye.
This time I heard his response rather audibly, "Teme..."
As a feeling popped into my awareness, I stopped to analyze it. I was feeling pleased about the response, and I've no idea why.
I slowly walked into the classroom and took the same seat as yesterday. As I seated myself I drew twelve coins from my inventory, while doing so I reached into the flowing sleeves of my Kimono. I mean, at least that way It looked like I got them from somewhere, rather than thin air.
One in hand, I started a knuckle roll with the left hand. I figured that since I could get stats in the academy I was going to attempt to abuse the ever living shit out of it.
I continued rolling the coin, and adding a new coin in every seven complete 'rotations' within the coin. Then another seven rotations, another coin. I repeated this until I dropped a coin. Then I swapped hands, and started again. Rinse, Repeat. I hoped to eventually having five or more coins in each hand with them flowing like water.
Speed was key, and this seemed like a decent way to 'train' it. I mean, the stat was called dexterity instead of agility so I figure this should work.
I had something resembling an 'Order of Priority' in how I wanted to attempt training. Dexterity, it took a clear precedence over all other comers due to the Hyuga's reliance on it. Intelligence next, this seemed to give me the most in terms of 'chakra' capacity, while Wisdom seemed to increase the regeneration rate of chakra. Strength and Vitality could be improved through training as a secondary deal.
Dexterity, Intelligence, Wisdom.
I spent maybe seven minutes simply alternating hands for dexterity training. The end result was something I had been hoping for but wasn't really expecting to get.
My fugue of practice was broken with Kakashi entered the room, looking rather frustrated. He seemed to survey the room subtly and when his eyes landed on me, his brow crinkled in confusion. I wonder why briefly before I realized I was still doing my coin trick.
A tinge of amusement flashed through me as I finished with a theatrical hand motion, all the coins simply disappeared up my sleeves, and thus back into my inventory.
Was that an eye roll? It was!
Kakashi hurried to sit down as the teacher walked into the classroom. He carried a small bag together with him, at a glance it was full of paper. The forms that students guardians were asked to sign.
"Hello children!" The bear of a man rumbled, taking his position behind the podium in front of the class.
"Hello sensei!" the class chorused back in a myriad of tones, pitches and volume.
"As you can see several of your classmates from yesterday did not show up today. The reason is because they're guardians decided that their child is not suited for shinobi life." Jibei stated, his countenance expressionless.
"There is no shame in that and it shouldn't be held against them. Not everyone has what it takes to become a Konoha shinobi." Jibei slowed his words as he deliberately turned his eyes to each and every student present. Resting on each and every student till they looked into his eyes before he would move to the next.
He had to have timed it. I decided as his speech ended the moment his eyes met that of the last student. Me.
"You've been probably told that you'll be living at the academy for the next week. If not, well, you know now. During this time we will go over your basics and testing how suited some of you are to the shinobi life. Do not be surprised if by the time the week is over more than half of your classmates will be gone. I would be surprised if more than half remained." Jinbei finished.
Some of the student's turn to the ones seated next to them, some tapped upon the desk in their attempt to dispel the nervous atmosphere that had settled on the room like a physical weight.
After giving everyone a moment to soak in what he had just said he proceeded to herd the class outside and into the academy's backyard and yes, I mean herd. The class was essentially a bunch of school aged brats. I felt mildly insulted that I was included in that mass of students as we were herded outside.
The field itself was rather bland, barring you know, what you would naturally expect from a well-used training field. There was grass everywhere for starters, Konoha liked its nature apparently. Several things stood out, one of these things is not like the other I felt like cheering in my head as I looked around. The most obvious sore thumbs were a small obstacle course and a small sparring platform on the other side of the courtyard, opposite the obstacle course.
I don't think I was alone in the thought of, that's a fucking deathtrap when I first laid eyes upon the 'obstacle' course. It looked like a sadistic and twisted tool of torture from the outside.
"Well kids, I hope you're prepared for the happiest day of your life. Today, we will do all sorts o' fun things." Jibei practically sing-songed! I almost immediately felt a shiver roll down my spine, the hair on my arms stood as though I had been the recipient of an electric shock. I do not like his tone, he's planning something, I can feel it.
"We will take a small run around the academy, it won't be much, just a few laps." That feeling from before? It got worse.
AN ENTIRE FUCKING HOUR!
IS. NOT. A. FEW. LAPS!
Is what I wanted to scream at the sensei when we finally came to a stop. I of course, as a Hyuga would not be caught dead uttering such vulgarity of course.
The students' collective collapse, a song of groans, moans and whimpers. I saw the way our sensei's mouth twitched at it. My eye twitched violently as I realized that the sounds had caused him to suppress a smile.
For the first time in my new life, I seriously considered murdering someone. He had just made us run for an hour, a whole freaking hour. No stops, no bathroom breaks, this guy was either very good or very bad at what he does.
Normally I wouldn't complain, the Hyuga instructors that I've had visit me in the past were leagues worse. Better looking for one, but this was my first run in with any form of endurance running. I felt as though my legs would give out when we stopped, only now, not even thirty seconds since we'd stopped my aches and pains had disappeared.
Sweet holy and merciful god, I love the Gamer's Body.
"Ah, that was a refreshing jog!" Jibei-sensei proclaimed, his tone jovial and well… refreshed? "So are you all tired now?" he finished, his smile practically ghastly compared to his earlier smile. That bad feeling I was talking about earlier?
Yeah, it's back… only this time it brought its friends, and they're proceeding to jump me in a darkened alley. I was however, much too smart for such a simple ploy to snare me, but just because I was didn't mean the other students were. Sadly, I was not able to stop them in time.
"Yes Jibei-sense!" Seemed to be the general consensus of the class… perhaps a bad move as the smile on his face got even more ghastly. I swore right then and there, that if I ever saw a smile like that at night on someone's face, I'd run.
"Ahhh, it gladdens my heart to see young ones so energetic. Don't worry, we'll run another few laps to get rid of that excessive energy!" his words, they had the effect of a cold bucket of water being poured onto their spirits. Together the students shared a look, and you could taste the dawning horror of the students as the teacher started jogging again, at a noticeably faster pace.
"Well, what are you waiting for? An invitation? Move it! Anyone left behind will run for another hour!" Jibei hadn't even finished speaking before I was moving to keep up, matching pace. Well, Kakashi too, I amended as I spotted him in my peripheral vision. The other students were still back there, gaping like lifeless fish. I pitied them as it settled on them that if they didn't move they would be doing this for another hour.
I turned my head back to them just as this realization hit. It was absolutely amazing how fast kids could move when you put threw a threat like that at them.
I did however notice that four people didn't get up. Not for lack of trying, it's simply that they were unable to do so. I simply turned back and continued jogging. I knew who our first four drop outs would be.
Name: Hyuga Hiroshi
[Level: 8]
HP-395
CP-755
STR 4 (9.6)
VIT 7 (18.05)
DEX 13 (33.59)
INT 12 (22.16)
WIS 14 (30.02)
LUK 10 (11.5)
Points: 0
Money: $600 Ryo
Physical Endurance (Passive)
[Level: 12 (56.78%)]
14% decrease in damage from physical attacks
The body's durability increases and as a direct consequence, takes less damage from blunt force trauma.
Power Strike (Active)
[Level: 8 (42.84%)]
+64% critical hit chance
+90% increase in damage
Chakra cost: 25/cast
Strikes the target with an amazingly heavy force. There's no way you'd be able to generate the force this skill puts out without the skill. May Require a weapon of some form, will inflict damage to user if not used with weapon.
Hand-to-Hand Mastery (Passive)
[Level: 25 MAXED]
Bare Handed attacks damage +250%
Bare Handed attack speed +125%
Bare Handed attack critical hit chance +75%
Bare Handed attacks critical damage +175%
Aftershock [Level 20]: Dealing damage with your bares hands to a living opponent causes the damage to apply itself again over 10 seconds.
Observe(Active)
[Level: 16 (22.32%)]
Let's you see details of things or beings around you, exactly as it says on the tin. Do you really need a description?
Level up abilities;
[Level 5: Shows Title of person if Observed.]
[Level 10: Shows Health and Chakra bars below title.]
Juuken! (Passive) [Level: 18 (85.02%)]
DEX increased by 28%
INT increased by 28%
WIS increased by 28%
Ignore 28% of target's DEFENSE
Juuken requires natural flexibility and discipline in its users. Making extensive use of a 'flowing' style of attacks to 'softly' attack the opponent, while the user deals incredible amounts of internal damage with their Chakra. This allows masters of Juken to render all that would stand before them broken and shattered remains, both internally and externally.
The Byakugan! (Active) [Level 16 (34.62%)]
Chakra cost: 5 per second.
While Active:
DEX is increased by 80%
INT is increased by 80%
WIS is increased by 80%
Range: 300 Meters
The Byakugan enable the user while active to see everything around them, within a certain rage. It allows the user to see with such clarity that they can perceive even the chakra systems of any living being within their sight.
Hakkesho Kaiten (Active) [Level: 12 (3.21%)]
Chakra cost: 15/sec
An amazing defense, the user release a constant stream of chakra from each and every one of their Tenketsu forming a dome of spinning chakra around them. "Turn aside all that seeks to assail you, twist around all that would harm you and let the enemy break themselves upon our defense. Let them grind themselves unto dust."
Hakke Rokujuyon Sho (Active) [Level: 12 (51.20%)]
Chakra cost: 80
This technique is a set of serially escalating strikes, each set more intense with double the strikes of the previous. Each set of strikes is done at an exponentially increasing pace and strength. The technique consists of 6 Steps. Beginning with 2 hits for step one. An enemy who takes this entire combo will have the status, 'CHAKRA STASIS' applied, their entire chakra system going into shock.
Hakke Kusho (Active) [Level: 12(1.75%)]
Chakra cost: 15
A simple gesture turn into a deadly technique. A simple palm thrust where the users compresses the air itself into a bullet and send sits careening off into their opponent when the delicate shell of chakra compressing it breaks releasing the compressed air and chakra.
"Hakke Kuhekisho [Level: 12 (11.25%)]
Chakra cost: 20
This technique creates a backlog of chakra in the users arms, the user will continuously 'shove' chakra into the arms in preparation for this technique, when ready they will release it all through their palms, either upon touching an opponent or without, to create a 'wall' of compressed chakra. A single bit of chakra not moving in synch with the rest can cause the entire arm to explode.
@TotallyNotEvil; My fault. I made the amendment at the last second before he sent it off, and I forgot to change the second half of that sentence. @Golum936; You'll need to fix that when you see this.
That was the intention honestly. Golum really liked the dynamic between Naruto and Sasuke, that's what I was going for from that interaction. Further developments in that vein to come more than likely. Yay.
It's seems you've decided that stat gains will currently only be possible in the academy. I won't contest that decision, as you've both clearly discussed this. Aside from an offhand mention in this chapter though, has it ever actually been explained in story that he couldn't gain stats before or that he can now? Did the SI ever explain in story that he was using his points from leveling to supplement normal growth to disguise his gamer power limits? I only ever recall those questions being answered in out of story posts (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong), so shouldn't that information be added to the story? It's pretty relevant to the SI's life and future plans.
Anyways, forgot to say, first, this one is leaps and bounds better than the last.
Second, he still doesn't realise what it means when a 3-4 year old unlocks his Byakuugan and flawlessly performs chuunin/jonin level techniques.
I'd believe it if you told me they tested food he buys in a random food carts for poisoning between the moment the shop owner lets go and he takes a bite.
That was the intention honestly. Golum really liked the dynamic between Naruto and Sasuke, that's what I was going for from that interaction. Further developments in that vein to come more than likely. Yay.
Except 1) Naruto and Sasuke are not incapable of communicating with something else than those two words 2)While honorifics are hard to translate and while they annoy some people I would let them go, but this? This makes even me cringe. I know what those words mean, but does everyone? I think not.
After giving everyone a moment to soak in what he had just said he proceeded to herd the class outside and into the academy's backyard and yes, I mean herd. The class was essentially a bunch of school aged brats. I felt mildly insulted that I was included in that mass of students as we were herded outside.
Except 1) Naruto and Sasuke are not incapable of communicating with something else than those two words 2)While honorifics are hard to translate and while they annoy some people I would let them go, but this? This makes even me cringe. I know what those words mean, but does everyone? I think not.
