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Irresistible Force (Naruto/The Gamer SI)

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Golum936 said:
By now several other students should have passed the illusion part of the test and entered the forest.... probably..
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Need's one . after probably.
Golum936 said:
It was easy, let's just leave it at that..
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again, we need one . again.
Golum936 said:
"Your next task is simple, you're to head into the forest, and survive for the week..
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Are you sure you read through it again my friend? :p We need to loose a . again.

On that note, thank' yall for reading. More to come soon-ish. The next chapter will probably include character interaction, Obito, Kakashi-chibi, skills and shit. Have fun?
 
I've just caught up to this, and I have to say that this is great. You aren't making the OC a Mary Sue, the training is entirely believable, and the characters are good.
 
Mistakes have been corrected.
The Uninspired said:
Need's one . after probably.

again, we need one . again.
Are you sure you read through it again my friend? :p We need to loose a . again.

On that note, thank' yall for reading. More to come soon-ish. The next chapter will probably include character interaction, Obito, Kakashi-chibi, skills and shit. Have fun?
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We shall have words about this treachery, oh yes we shall...
 
? I know it's wartime and all but this is literally the entrance exams with no priors these are miniature versions of the tests they used in the chunin exams. most of them shouldnt' know shit. And they're sending them out with live weapons? Unless this is the winnowing uber elites all this seems like is a way to get a lot of kids killed on accident.
 
I want to be clear, I love Mary Sues!

To me a Mary Sue is a rejection of the idea that protagonists have to be a loser everyman Homer Bundy.

So let's check the list.

Special Eyes - Check (Duh)
Special Powers - Double Check one inherited the other unique tothe OC.
Author Insert - Check
Additional factors - Competent, not a crybaby, has relationships with canon characters(not an antisocial person), and the plot centers on the OC (Well of course, he's the protagonist!)

These are actually all good things in a character.

Special Eyes - Most people I know have something about them that's rather unique (Its how I can pick them out from others) and Eyes are a window to the soul, though it doesn't have to be eyes.

Special Powers - Most people I know also have some skills that are very much above average. In a narrative sense having that skill defined as a power allows for an internally consistent rules the audience can follow along and not have their suspension of disbelief challenged.

Author Insert not only gives the audience someone they can relate to, but also an excuse to explain things to the audience through the Characters internal dialog.

Additional factors - Not being a crybaby is good. Sure Homesickness and Mourning are human, and so is personal hygiene and waste elimination. I prefer authors to not spend an entire chapter describing any of those.
 
Larekko12 said:
? I know it's wartime and all but this is literally the entrance exams with no priors these are miniature versions of the tests they used in the chunin exams. most of them shouldn't' know shit. And they're sending them out with live weapons? Unless this is the winnowing uber elites all this seems like is a way to get a lot of kids killed on accident.
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I'll answer this with a quote.
Story said:
But honestly I wasn't worried for a moment and it wasn't just because I had Gamer's Mind, the moment I left the clearing with Jibei I've been followed. Probably a chunin instructor that was assigned to keep an eye on me, most likely just one among many that were tasked with keeping eye on students during this test.
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I may have not made it entirely clear but in the chapter before this, Jibei was actually explaining all of this. He was explaining the local Flora and Fauna, along with what the next few days would consist about. I'm playing on a trope here, that NINJA should pay attention and be able to ferret out secrets from speech or information, no matter how bland it all seems. Most of all, that ninja need to pay attention. That's the entire point of that lecture. To see who would pay attention even though they would've been aching and mentally worn from all the exercise.

The bags provided, we mention there are only three of them, that's for a reason. The first three people to leave have their names listed down and are provided with extra rations, but on the flip side, they're expected to last longer in the forest because of it. The people who come after still get something, it's just they don't get all of it.


All of what's being shown is because the academy is training actual ninja. They need to be strong, they need to be disciplined, they need to be quick and accurate.

To quote something that I'm sure has been quoted to absolute death throughout the Naruto fandom, "Look underneath the underneath."

A heap of the training on the surface, is brutal and unforgiving, this is intentional. The academy at the moment can't accept anything less than the best well, in the class Hiroshi's currently in. I'd again like to point out that just because we don't mention it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! However, enough tangent!

The training serves multiple purposes, this initial week that they're at the academy is mainly a test, a placement test. From there they'll be sorted to where ever they need to go, and what have you.

Atop of all of this, the academy is only building the blocks, the very basics for their team leaders to train upon. It'll be expanded on more as we work on the story and I really should've spent time writing this reply and instead worked on my school-work! OH NOO! I'm doomed, two assignments to do in one day, yikes.

Also @Golum936, I spotted a few more spelling mistakes throughout, too. I'll do a proper proof-read when I get a chance later today.
 
The Uninspired said:
I'll answer this with a quote.


I may have not made it entirely clear but in the chapter before this, Jibei was actually explaining all of this. He was explaining the local Flora and Fauna, along with what the next few days would consist about. I'm playing on a trope here, that NINJA should pay attention and be able to ferret out secrets from speech or information, no matter how bland it all seems. Most of all, that ninja need to pay attention. That's the entire point of that lecture. To see who would pay attention even though they would've been aching and mentally worn from all the exercise.

The bags provided, we mention there are only three of them, that's for a reason. The first three people to leave have their names listed down and are provided with extra rations, but on the flip side, they're expected to last longer in the forest because of it. The people who come after still get something, it's just they don't get all of it.


All of what's being shown is because the academy is training actual ninja. They need to be strong, they need to be disciplined, they need to be quick and accurate.

To quote something that I'm sure has been quoted to absolute death throughout the Naruto fandom, "Look underneath the underneath."

A heap of the training on the surface, is brutal and unforgiving, this is intentional. The academy at the moment can't accept anything less than the best well, in the class Hiroshi's currently in. I'd again like to point out that just because we don't mention it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! However, enough tangent!

The training serves multiple purposes, this initial week that they're at the academy is mainly a test, a placement test. From there they'll be sorted to where ever they need to go, and what have you.

Atop of all of this, the academy is only building the blocks, the very basics for their team leaders to train upon. It'll be expanded on more as we work on the story and I really should've spent time writing this reply and instead worked on my school-work! OH NOO! I'm doomed, two assignments to do in one day, yikes.

Also @Golum936, I spotted a few more spelling mistakes throughout, too. I'll do a proper proof-read when I get a chance later today.
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So the Chunin is an Uchiha or a puppet master and predicted or made the miss?

Cause secret tests of character work better whens there's aboslutely zero chance for mishaps that explode unreasonably because a clan kid got unmmaned.
 
Larekko12 said:
So the Chunin is an Uchiha or a puppet master and predicted or made the miss?

Cause secret tests of character work better whens there's aboslutely zero chance for mishaps that explode unreasonably because a clan kid got unmmaned.
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most likely just one among many that were tasked with keeping eye on students during this test
 
Alright, this is to keep you guys informed. I have small bits of the next chapter finished, now I just need to put it all together and fill in the holes, then have @The Uninspired go over it with me. Considering all that the next chapter will come out some time later in the day tomorrow or day after, depending on how our schedule will work out.
 
Hey everyone, I got good news and bad news, so bear with me.

First, good news. I finally got my answer and my boss refused to reduce my hours. Why its good news? Because I can finally take that other offer I had on the table. That means better hours, that means more personal time which means more time to dedicate to this story.

So, bad news. The assholes let me know the answer about 20 mins ago so I don't have a lot of free time left. I still have to go home and take care of a lot of stuff. This does not leave me a lot of free time for today.

Finally, what happens now? I already made the call and I'm expected to show up for orientation at my new job tomorrow. After the look around is finished, I will get home and get to writing the story. The story should go up around around 10 PM EST tomorrow. So please look forward to it.

Anyway, I look forward to all your feedback.
 
Just got a message from @The Uninspired he might be a bit more busy today than usual. The chapter is half-way finished and will be done in like 30 minutes, if he can't get to it in time today (for my timezone) than I'll post it early tomorrow from work at around 2 PM EST.

Edit: I make no promises on this as I can't account for my co-author's schedule. But I can promise that I will post the chapter up before 10 PM EST tomorrow whether its edited or not and let you readers beta it!
 
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Something that stands out to me is the flippant first-name use. Hatake-san or Hyuuga-san instead of Kakashi and Hiroshi. -kun for students or juniors, -dono for (young) lords. Though, of course, a lot of this can just be handwaved by saying that Elemental Nations society isn't a one-for-one with feudal Japan, so it's really up to your preference.
 
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Chapter 7
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    • [AN=Holy Moly, That Was Unexpected!]

    After me and @The Uninspired talked it over we decided we're going to play fast and loose with the stats. My co-author will still maintain the skill archive so no worries on that front. We decided to do this so that hard numbers do not get in the way of the narrative.


    The Uninspired Here; Yo, and yeah I'll be maintaining the skill archive as new skills are added. Beyond that, we're making progress into the academy arc, after the initial training week that I proposed, we'll move further into the academy.

    I suppose I'll mention this as I'm going to be writing the majority of the Chapter 7, Part 2; but we didn't have much time today. Golum has things to do, and I've been called away a few times. This is only half of what we wanted to cover in chapter 7, more tomorrow hopefully.[/AN]

    Chapter 7

    You know what, I take back every bad thing I ever said about chunin in Naruto, chunin are awesome. Kakashi had right then almost killed canon before it even started and the chunin that was following our team was able to deflect it.

    I would have suspected Kakashi's aim being faulty had I not seen the chunin act with my Byakugan. I believe it bears repeating, chunin are freaking awesome. So instead of Obito having a kunai lodged in his head, he's only slightly traumatized. Slightly, yeah right. Mildly would be more apt I believe.

    I looked over Obito, sitting still as a statue as though the thought of moving was anathema to him. I turned my head to Kakashi, "You should've aimed higher."

    Kakashi cocked his head slightly, before giving a taciturn nod, ah it seems he agrees with me!

    By the shiver that ran through Obito and his widening eyes, I got a strong feeling that he didn't agree with that statement at all.

    "W-w-wh-what the hell? You almost killed me!" Obit exclaimed as he pointed at Kakashi. He then rounded on me, pointing his other finger at me. He failed to produce any coherent words however, sort of having a mental breakdown and pointing his fingers between me and Kakashi.

    He looked kinda like those glowly baton wavers at an airport. You know those guys with glowing sticks that waved them back and forth directing plains, an aircraft marshall I think it's called. He looked remarkable like one of those.

    "Hmph, it's your own fault for making noise and startling us." Responded Kakashi after he recovered his composure from having a finger shoved into his face. I heard something different however, I heard, "it's your own fault for not dodging moron." I think that may have been heavily implied and I'm being dense buut, it fits with what I know of Kakashi.

    "Kakashi, kun-ai ask you a question?" I asked as I dislodged the kunai just in case Obito jerks and hurts himself by accident. I still need him to be a hormonal teenager when canon comes around. I felt several gazes on me, I looked up and saw Kakashi and Obito stare at me with incredulous expressions, disbelief didn't even begin to describe the look on their faces.

    It was a perfectly valid pun as far as I'm concerned.

    "What? Too soon?" Nah, there is no such thing as bad time for a good pun. Kakashi looked as though everything he thought was true in the world was a lie and that gravity was a polite suggestion. He also looked mildly uncomfortable.

    "Well, I don't know about you two, but personally I thought it was rather phunny." Was that a groan I heard?

    "Screw you guys! I'm outta here!" Obito squawked as he scrambled to get up. Hey would you look at that, my guess was correct. He didn't like having a Kunai between his legs.

    "Mah, mah, Obito, calm down. I was just trying to lighten up the atmosphere. I do admit that it was in slightly poor taste." A spin of the kunai I had pilfered from between Obito's legs so that I was holding it's blade I lobbed it back to Kakashi angling it so the handle flew first. A second later it made a small but audible thunk as his hand connected with the handle. It was swiftly deposited in his pouch.

    "Yeah, well you wouldn't be telling jokes if it's you who almost got killed." Obito angrily pointed at me. Again. Was he angry at my dismissive attitude towards him almost losing his balls? Probably.

    "Technically, you wouldn't have died; you would've been down a head." The look Obito shot me in response was appropriately unimpressed. He also seemed to turn faintly green for a second.

    "Though yeah, you're probably right." I replied absently, my hand moving to nestle against my chin.

    "Anyway," I said, waving my other hand to accentuate the word, "Obito, whatcha doing here?"

    "Don't ignore what just happened!" He shrieked. Hands shooting up into the air as though protesting the unfairness of the world. "Ahhhh, whatever, I don't have time to deal with a crazy Hyuga. I've been here before and wanted to set up camp around the cave but you two beat me to it." Obito responded with a keen enthusiasm that died just as swiftly as his hopes and dreams when he found out that he was beaten to his camping spot.

    "I see, I guess it's your lucky day Uchiha. Kakashi was asking me to team up-"

    "You're the one who wanted to team up." Interrupted Kakashi. I paused mid speech and turned to give him a look, "Shush." Interruptions dealt with, I continued on as though nothing had happened.

    "And I guess I simply don't have it in my magnanimous heart to leave you to starve alone in those woods. Instead we can all starve together! Isn't that just a grand idea!?" I finished my impromptu speech with a theatrical flourish. Well, it was more than a speech, probably some unholy combination of a question and defining how events will follow this statement thing. I dunno.

    Once again two pairs of incredulous eyes were looking at me as if I'm the crazy one, which I won't deny a small part of me probably was. They proceeded to slowly turn around, in an entirely pathetic attempt to flee from my awe inspiring presence.

    I however, was much too fast for them and before they had managed a half revolution. My arms happily wrapping around their shoulders until I was hanging from the both of them. Obito was a little taller than Kakashi, so I was on a slight but noticeable slant.

    I had little to no doubt that one of the two knew how to forage and survive in the wilderness, and as the Council of Alzheimer's Anonymous cared more about their art than my basics, I didn't know how to survive in the wilds without prepared survival equipment. An oversight that would either be corrected on my own time or in the academy.

    "We're gonna have so much fun together, I can see it now! Frolicking throughout the fields, having stew for dinner, murdering the local wild-life, running for our lives from hordes of killer mosquitoes." I paused and let out a faux blissful sigh, "Oh yes, we're going to have so much fun together."

    I hadn't noticed it, but my face had been split by a truly terrifying, and vicious smile. Kakashi and Obito had grown a few shades lighter too. That probably had nothing to do with my smile though, I'm sure. Yeah.
     
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