As for what I found interesting?
Your character isn't pathetic trash that goes all "THESE AREN'T MY FAMILY/PARENTS/BROTHERS!!!1" whilst causing endless amount of drama about how they 'miss' their 'real family' etc etc. I've always hated those kinds of Self-Inserts. Weak-minded, filthy animals that should kills themselves. Like, you see these characters turn 12 (Narutoverse) and 11 (Harry Potter) etc and they still grieve. After a decade. Refusing to acknowledge the reality they've ended up in and unrealistically 'holding onto old morals' and so on. Humans are very adaptive creatures, and seeing these wangsty gothic teenage writers botch simple human characterisation hurts somewhere deep inside. The worst part is that the author writes a self insert which means they're depicting themselves as sniveling, filthy, immature trash that should be executed on behalf of the good of humanity. Disgusting.
Then there's the 'oh no I'mma not change the timeline huehuehue!' whilst trying to stay 'low-key' in a deathworld where you can attain god-hood, immortality, dimension-jumping, reality-bending powers etc whilst doing their 'very best' to follow the 'canon route'. As if their mere existence hadn't destroyed the 'timeline' already.
You get the drift. You don't do that here. If anything, you should play up the creepy factor that your character is somesort of mature superprodigy never seen before but... Oh wait, then we have Kakashi whom graduates the academy at five and starts killing people in the battlefield. No matter. Continue as you are - Narutoverse because of Yin Chakra seems to naturally have incredibly overdeveloped children capable of 'holding mature conversations' with adults, even if they're emotionally underdeveloped.
It's honestly quite a crazy world Kishimoto created.
Well, someone woke on the wrong side of the bed clearly,
And, while true I hate the fact too, along of people don't, or simply cant forget things they've lost. I find it annoying as hell, but I can see where they're coming from at the very least. Then again, this is coming from someone who's most significant loss through out my entire life has been a DOG that I can barely remember now.
Gamer's Mind probably helps too actually, more than anything it's either dulling, or utterly suppressing the grief and whatnot complete because it 'allows the user to calmly and rationally think' things through, and any form of grief is going to change his interactions with his family, so I wonder if that's what it's doing. Preventing that, sentient power ho!
Also, @ryuan yes, we're aware. Golum doesn't have the time currently to go over it again. I can't do it either cause schools a bitch, no time to do it.
That would be awesome wouldn't it? I can imagine that when they were leveled up enough, you could employ 'breaks' in them, meaning you could start the combo, then stop halfway through, continuing on fluidly to the next opponent. That would be fucking sweet.
Interesting, I forgot that he had the gamer ability at one point and was pleasantly surprised when I remember it. You have my attention and I enjoyed what I have read so far. looking forward to what comes next!
There is only one thing so far I think that you and the author should keep in mind. I notice how a lot of people here are warning you not to get bogged down with more skills than you can keep track of. I agree with that, but versatility is one of the main draws of the gamer (at least for me), even more so than the potential to grow strong fast. I think it would be more interesting for the SI to develop a diverse skill set rather than power leveling just the hyuga techniques (this can of course wait until he gets more freedom). For instance, it was noted that it's basically impossible for people to in the hyuga clan to learn any other martial techniques because of the depth of their training. Since the gamers skill aquisition can circumvent this, wouldn't you think it would be more interesting for the SI to use the basics of another technique he chooses to learn to throw off an opponent who expected only hyuga techniques. If he just powerleved a few core skills and wrecked that same opponent that way, it would be boring.
That's my two cents. Sorry it went on for a while.
You know, I'd like to see a side of the gamer that's always forgotten. How you can learn anything with a touch, provided you meet the prereqs. Seriously, first thing I would do is go through my entire library, then download and print entire collections of 'how to' books.
It seems no one ever realises the ease they could become a polymath.
The "Awaken Eyehax" scene failed for me. Sorry
First, it was skimmed over too much. You basically just told us it's scary without actually invoking horror
Second, Gamers Mind no-sell.
The Gamers Mind keeps a low-WIS gamer running until he drops repeatedly for hours. It stops him NOPEing out at zombies, WTFSuperpowers??? And personally killing people
A sensory deprivation tank would send him to sleep and/or give him the Meditation skill
'Hard' psychology doesn't work on Gamers, only 'Soft' and even then...
A couple other points:
Why forbid Statgains for children? Neuroplasticity means Wis and Int should be given boosts to gaining points and the physical stats...Training does help kids, see gymnasts, jocks vs shy kids, basic anatomy...
Why does the Orphan title give stat boosts? No really, what part of having dead parents makes someone more Dexterous? Do kids with both parents also get a title?
I'm assuming Chakra Points will be much better than Mana Points?
5 MP is the lowest the Gamer's Mana Shield gets after levelling. This allows him to have it on constantly with multiple other skills
The Hyuga generally don't keep their Byukugans active all the time because of their Chakra Drains. Maybe a little scene showing the clan react to the 'Prodigy Hyuga' keeping them on all the time? To grind the skill
How is Observe not Max level?? After more than an hour thinking up plans as a baby, Observing things is the only thing to do for months.
Once he can walk, the entire compound gets meticulously Observed for dat SkillXP
The "Awaken Eyehax" scene failed for me. Sorry
First, it was skimmed over too much. You basically just told us it's scary without actually invoking horror
Second, Gamers Mind no-sell.
The Gamers Mind keeps a low-WIS gamer running until he drops repeatedly for hours. It stops him NOPEing out at zombies, WTFSuperpowers??? And personally killing people
A sensory deprivation tank would send him to sleep and/or give him the Meditation skill
'Hard' psychology doesn't work on Gamers, only 'Soft' and even then...
A couple other points:
Why forbid Statgains for children? Neuroplasticity means Wis and Int should be given boosts to gaining points and the physical stats...Training does help kids, see gymnasts, jocks vs shy kids, basic anatomy...
Why does the Orphan title give stat boosts? No really, what part of having dead parents makes someone more Dexterous? Do kids with both parents also get a title?
I'm assuming Chakra Points will be much better than Mana Points?
5 MP is the lowest the Gamer's Mana Shield gets after levelling. This allows him to have it on constantly with multiple other skills
The Hyuga generally don't keep their Byukugans active all the time because of their Chakra Drains. Maybe a little scene showing the clan react to the 'Prodigy Hyuga' keeping them on all the time? To grind the skill
How is Observe not Max level?? After more than an hour thinking up plans as a baby, Observing things is the only thing to do for months.
Once he can walk, the entire compound gets meticulously Observed for dat SkillXP
Ok, I'm on my phone right now so I can't give detailed answers like I want to, but I'll try.
The main reason I skipped over the awakening the Byakugan scene is because it's technically psychological torture and abuse rolled into one twisted ball. I'm pretty sure that it's against the rules to write detailed depiction of such. And also, I didn't want it to get dark when the story only began.
The Gamer's Mind would be a valid argument, except for several instances in the original source where Jee-Han had shown that he is not totally immune to emotional and psychological stimuli, they are simply overriden by logic. Sensory depravation not only wrecks havoc on the mind but also on the senses.
It is less Stats training not being there due to him being a child and more because he will get it when he becomes genin or 12 years old, haven't decided yet but I'll talk to @The Uninspired about it. It is kind of like a milestone reward, for obvious balance reasons.
The Orphan bonus is a satire on how some people say that orphan kids are usually tougher than kids with both parents. And yes, I personally encounter an a*hole who said that, it kinda stuck in my mind so I got it out of my system by mocking it.
Chakra and mana are different things and I don't want to spoil anything else.
There will be interludes with several characters reacting to Hiroshi, I got it covered.
Because he is confined to the compound, there is a range issue and there is depriciating return on observing same thing.
Hope my answers were satisfactory. Don't hesitate to ask of you got more questions.
Anyway, I'll return in a few, post a new chapter and edit previous one.
Byakugan and Observe is a deadly combo. I also agree it should closer to MAX level.
Hell the first year of your newborn life all you could most likely do is Observe the hell out of your new world and situation.
Another possible thing would be WIS stat increases from the obligatory WIS-INT internal debates every single Gamer Fic does(and canon Gamer) and you debating philosophy in your head to pass the time.
Also do the Hyuga not have libraries he could visit for books to absorb?
Could I suggest not including the stats in a quote box? Spoiler it, sure, but the spoiler+quote combo truncates any quote box that's over a certain length.
I'd also suggest taking a page out of Ryuugi's The Games We Play and playing a little fast and loose with the numbers, lest you get bogged down by math.
I think the issue is that with basically everything being hand written, there's no easy way to have duplicates of a book, so any time the MC eats a skillbook, they lose the original work. Needless to say, this is not a good thing for a clan.
I think the issue is that with basically everything being hand written, there's no easy way to have duplicates of a book, so any time the MC eats a skillbook, they lose the original work. Needless to say, this is not a good thing for a clan.
Not a year ago both Hiashi and Hizashi became heads of main and branch families respectively. After that everything changed, it wasn't immediate in the strictest sense of the term but glacial in the word. A small event, led to another to another to another until, eventually they weren't close at all. An excuse to not talk to one another, too busy they would say, one not noticing the other when a friendly wave was sent their way from across the yard, head down thinking of their responsibilities or other thoughts.
But most of all, they grew away from me, bad memories I assumed. I wish I had done something, anything to halt it, but in the end I wasn't sure what to do.
Soon after they became clan heads, they were given an ultimatum by the elders, either find a woman to wed or they would find one for them. The brothers chose to find their own, as was expected. Nobody wanted a marriage with nothing but cold shoulders and no love behind closed doors. Their weddings were nothing grandeur, simple, small affairs.
Holding tradition above most else. I took small solace in the fact that they obviously loved their wives, I could spot it in them, knowing them so well.
Hizashi's wife was a member of the branch family, she was an extremely beautiful, soft spoken woman and was much more approachable compared to others. If I had to sum her up in one word, it with I would class her as the very definition of Demure, if I didn't know for an absolute fact that she wasn't shy at all.
Hiashi's wife was a member of his side of the family, she leaned more towards cute and dare I say it, 'cuddly'than the stereotypical depiction of beauty. She was a very warm, a kind person. She knew when to hold her ground and when to give. Hinata obviously took more after her mother in both looks and character, or at least will when she is born. This is of course, if I don't step in. I'm well aware I won't be able to fix everything, but damn if I wont try to 'fix' the problems close to home. In this case, literally in my home.
I got along with both of them, and as a happy consequence, through their interaction with me eventually the two of them became very good friends to each other. Even though I got along with their wives, both Hiashi and Hizashi refused to interact with me more than necessary. Although again, it was less that they refused, and more something 'came up'. I saw through it after the third, and thinking back on it, the whole fool me once, twice, thrice saying fit perfectly. To say this upset me would be an understatement, but I saw no way to fix it, at least not with my current political status and being.
You see, all clans within the Konoha are very political, the Hyuga clan is not an exception, every action was judged and weighted. Temporary alliances were formed and broken not quite at the drop of a hat, but damn close. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that Hyuga elders have their own political parties. There are conservatives, liberals, pacifists, radicals and warmongers just like any other government body. It also wouldn't be a stretch to say that each of them had their own agenda.
Now the common misunderstanding by outsiders of the Hyuga clan is that the branch family has no say in what decisions are made by elders of the main family. They do have a voice in what decision are made, can protest and they even had the power to veto some of them.
As they are members of the family, the elders were required by their very position within the clan to listen to their opinions, but just as any other political body they can and did find loopholes or even made their own loopholes as it suited them, or was needed. To understand what I'm talking about you need to know that elders are chosen from among the main family by other elders, so you can understand what kind of government body this makes. A very much, 'you scratch my back, I'll pull the lint out of your wrinkles.' deal. I may or may not have turned slightly green when I'd thought of that analogy.
Another common misconception that I admit to harboring is that the branch family is treated like trash, which is readily, and factually not true.
Now don't misunderstand, main family members do not treat branch family members as equals, but they on the flip-side do not go out of their way to make their lives hell. The mentality, I do believe that's rife with this is that, 'its not my problem', ideology had somehow taken root within the 'main family'. I respected the branch family, I admired them for what their purpose was, but not what it is now. I... I don't pity them.
I knew, deep in my bones that any pity I held for them would be spat upon, they didn't want it and I wouldn't dishonor them with it either. They were quite and subtle with their pride, but what they did have pride in, they defend just as fiercely, if not more so than the main branch defended their honor.
I just couldn't help but feel sorry for the mockery it had become. Maybe, maybe one day I could change it?
The main family didn't have the power to use the brand as a threat, or even allude to doing so against the branch family. If word ever found its way back to the elders, and it would because both the Branch and Main house were utterly strict with this rule. The abuser from the main family would be punished harshly, there had been instances in the past where someone from the main family that had been abusing their power over the Branch house was slapped with the seal themselves.
Being a history buff and having a newly lit curiosity for how the clan became divided like it was I went to the clan's library and found out.
In the past, during the era of warring clans, there was no division in the clan, they were simply the Hyuga clan. During those times, blood line theft was unfortunately a very common thing, capturing a member of a prominent clan to turn them into breeding stock was seen as practical and is still practiced to this day but is now seen as barbaric. Not that it stopped anyone determined to see it through.
A more recent and prominent example of this happened during the Second Shinobi World War, I'm talking about the destruction of Uzu and the Uzumaki's clan subsequent downfall. There is a reason why you see the famous red hair of the Uzumaki clan, which is supposedly somewhat exclusive to them, all over the Naruto series. Most damming however, was that none of them recognized they had Uzumaki heritage, o rif they did they hid it. Being the product of bloodline theft wasn't something you broadcast.
Hyuga were no strangers to attempts on kidnapping them or their children, especially due to the fact that every single member of the clan inherits the famous Byakugan, the genes for it anyway. It was recessive in some, never awakening... I was struck by a thought, what happened to them during the awakening ceremony?To ensure the continued existence of the clan and protect its bloodline, several people volunteered to be branded by a newly designed Bird seal and be the protectors of the clan.
The Bird seal was designed to be activated by the sealed, or in other words a suicide switch in case they were captured or it was also set to be automatically activated in case of death. This way, a large amount of Hyuga can be out on a mission, without the danger of one of them being captured alive or their dead body scavenged for their eyes. The bird seal itself served two purposes, one was to utterly destroy the eyes, and the other was to destroy the brain. The Hyuga weren't stupid enough to leave such a valuable resource for their enemies to exploit at their leisure. Not like some other clans anyway.
But as time progressed and more people tried to steal Byakugan, further reinforced by the Hyuga's proving, time and time again that it was a force to be reckoned with. That in the end, the need for branded individuals rose while fewer and fewer people volunteered due to the fact that being sealed was simply too risky.
So an internal clan law was passed stating that every family's second born male child was to be branded and become part of the protectors of the clan. This position was to be inheritable, meaning that a child of a protector is destined to be sealed.
At first, being one of the protectors was both an honorable and respected position, but as time went on protectors were being treated as servants and bodyguards, instead of an extension of the family. They were slowly turned from family members to semi disposable human shields.
Protectors of the clan became dissatisfied with the role being foisted upon them while at the same time having their rights and privileges taken away, piecemeal by the 'main' family. They wanted it back, and they were prepared to fight for it, which led to tension and upset the Hyuga's internal structure. Eventually, one group of the more radical members of the family decided to change the structure, the functions of the Bird seal.
They turned a seal that was serving its purpose into something that was a twisted mockery, they turned a seal into a brand.
They changed it so that with a single hand seal, any member of the main family can cause brain searing agony or even death in the branded individuals, this seal eventually came to be called as Caged Bird seal.
With the protectors not knowing much about the seals, those that knew were hushed or sent on missions and 'died' under mysterious circumstances or sent on outright suicide missions. The Protectors, they were easily tricked into accepting the new seals, all it took was the radical's spinning the new 'seal' as being "safer" option compared to the original one.
By the time protectors realized that they were tricked, it was too late, all of them were branded. Some of them tried to rebel out of desperate hope, hate and fury for being lied to, but it all it ended with was their deaths. Culled down by the drove while their adversary had tea and laughed at the pain they caused with but a single hand-sign.
Many of the members of what eventually became known as main family strongly disagreed with what was done. The radicals who changed the seal were promptly executed, only every book I could find went into much further detail over what was done with them. Hung, drawn and quartered was featured chief among them. Another technique employed back then was horrific, and justly deserved in your thoughts. They were branded themselves and summarily executed with it.
The cry from the protectors to have the seal changed back was sadly ignored because the radicals had destroyed all paper copies of the seal, and murdered anyone who was capable within the clan or reproducing it. The Hyuga' couldn't reach out to other clans for help either, as this was during the warring clans era. Even if they could've, they probably would not have. Their ranks would've been so thinned by the uprising of the protectors that they would be unable to trust any outside help.
As time went on, the hostilities between the two families became more intense, to distinguish and show their distaste for each other they started to call themselves main and branch families. Within the branch family today however, they still referred to themselves as Protectors.
Yes, members of main family are still branding branch family like cattle but during the clan era this was seen as a necessity and frankly is still necessity today. Just because Hyuga clan is now part of Konoha, does not mean that all the kidnapping attempts stopped, or even abated really. Their enemies just grew more subtle in their plots and attempts.
The Caged Bird seal is a cruel thing to do to your younger brothers and sisters, many even among branch family see it as necessity, but they still hate how they are treated by those they protect and how little voice they have in clan politics.
Restore the Bird Seal's use over the Caged Bird Brand OR Create a better seal for everyone.
Optional; Have everyone within the clan sealed with either the recovered Bird Seal, or the new seal so that kidnapping attempts are all for moot. After all, sealing is caring.
I still remember staring at the box that appeared like a dullard. Yeeaaahhh... Not anytime soon, that's for sure. But... it's a goal. Something I could be proud of having done... I want to do it. I will do it.
Being a prodigy earned me a lot of political clout, for a child my age that was. It also had allowed me the privilege to attend many meetings with the elders, as the discussed clan politics. I wasn't asked to contribute anything, and I rarely offered anything unless I was spoken too. I got the feeling that I was being shown the ropes for later on in life. From the murmured conversations and the special shine the elders had taken to me, I think I was a shoe-in for an elder later on in life. Provided I lived to the age of course.
Elders were a distinguished position for a reason, you had to live through a ninja career and be recognized for either it, or something else.
Most of the meetings were regular reports about the financial standing of the clan, decisions made during shinobi council and what is happening with the war. Some meetings discussed the changes that are happening within the clan, what changes they want to make and many other things. They didn't cover anything seriously important with me in the room, I was always excused from the meetings before they started covering that stuff.
During the last year I have improved by leaps and bounds, but not being able to go outside the walls of the clan compound was, and had hampered my growth quite a bit. Being confined to the compound I was only able to do a few quests, making new skills and increase my skill mastery and even then, only on subjects that I was expected to be studying. God, it was so restrictive, there was so much I could learn to do, or even create if I was allowed the time to myself to experiment but I was not allowed that time, so it was moot point.
All those heavy things aside, it was time for me to attend shinobi academy. I felt a mild thrill shoot through me, it would be the first time I'd be leaving the compound for more than an hour. I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that.
Name: Hyuga Hiroshi
[Level: 8]
HP-395
CP-755
STR 4 (9.6)
VIT 5 (15.75)
DEX 12 (32.16)
INT 12 (22.16)
WIS 12 (27.16)
LUK 10 (11.5)
Points: 0
Money: $0
Physical Endurance (Passive)
[Level: 12 (56.78%)]
14% decrease in damage from physical attacks
The body's durability increases and as a direct consequence, takes less damage from blunt force trauma.
Power Strike (Active)
[Level: 8 (42.84%)]
+64% critical hit chance
+90% increase in damage
Chakra cost: 25/cast
Strikes the target with an amazingly heavy force. There's no way you'd be able to generate the force this skill puts out without the skill. May Require a weapon of some form, will inflict damage to user if not used with weapon.
Hand-to-Hand Mastery (Passive)
[Level: 25 MAXED]
Bare Handed attacks damage +250%
Bare Handed attack speed +125%
Bare Handed attack critical hit chance +75%
Bare Handed attacks critical damage +175%
Aftershock [Level 20]: Dealing damage with your bares hands to a living opponent causes the damage to apply itself again over 10 seconds.
Observe(Active)
[Level: 15 (13.25%)]
Let's you see details of things or beings around you, exactly as it says on the tin. Do you really need a description?
Level up abilities;
[Level 5: Shows Title of person if Observed.]
[Level 10: Shows Health and Chakra bars below title.]
Juuken! (Passive) [Level: 18 (24.58%)]
DEX increased by 28%
INT increased by 28%
WIS increased by 28%
Ignore 28% of target's DEFENSE
Juuken requires natural flexibility and discipline in its users. Making extensive use of a 'flowing' style of attacks to 'softly' attack the opponent, while the user deals incredible amounts of internal damage with their Chakra. This allows masters of Juken to render all that would stand before them broken and shattered remains, both internally and externally.
The Byakugan! (Active) [Level 16 (5.96%)]
Chakra cost: 5 per second.
While Active:
DEX is increased by 80%
INT is increased by 80%
WIS is increased by 80%
Range: 300 Meters
The Byakugan enable the user while active to see everything around them, within a certain rage. It allows the user to see with such clarity that they can perceive even the chakra systems of any living being within their sight.
Hakkesho Kaiten (Active) [Level: 12 (3.21%)]
Chakra cost: 15/sec
An amazing defense, the user release a constant stream of chakra from each and every one of their Tenketsu forming a dome of spinning chakra around them. "Turn aside all that seeks to assail you, twist around all that would harm you and let the enemy break themselves upon our defense. Let them grind themselves unto dust."
Hakke Rokujuyon Sho (Active) [Level: 12 (51.20%)]
Chakra cost: 80
This technique is a set of serially escalating strikes, each set more intense with double the strikes of the previous. Each set of strikes is done at an exponentially increasing pace and strength. The technique consists of 6 Steps. Beginning with 2 hits for step one. An enemy who takes this entire combo will have the status, 'CHAKRA STASIS' applied, their entire chakra system going into shock.
Hakke Kusho (Active) [Level: 12(1.75%)]
Chakra cost: 15
A simple gesture turn into a deadly technique. A simple palm thrust where the users compresses the air itself into a bullet and send sits careening off into their opponent when the delicate shell of chakra compressing it breaks releasing the compressed air and chakra.
"Hakke Kuhekisho [Level: 12 (11.25%)]
Chakra cost: 20
This technique creates a backlog of chakra in the users arms, the user will continuously 'shove' chakra into the arms in preparation for this technique, when ready they will release it all through their palms, either upon touching an opponent or without, to create a 'wall' of compressed chakra. A single bit of chakra not moving in sync with the rest can cause the entire arm to explode.
I want to ask you guys, do you want me to keep posting character sheet at the end of the chapter or would you like me to make a threadmark with up-to-date character sheet in it?
I want to ask you guys, do you want me to keep posting character sheet at the end of the chapter or would you like me to make a threadmark with up-to-date character sheet in it?
As for what I found interesting?
Your character isn't pathetic trash that goes all "THESE AREN'T MY FAMILY/PARENTS/BROTHERS!!!1" whilst causing endless amount of drama about how they 'miss' their 'real family' etc etc. I've always hated those kinds of Self-Inserts. Weak-minded, filthy animals that should kills themselves. Like, you see these characters turn 12 (Narutoverse) and 11 (Harry Potter) etc and they still grieve. After a decade. Refusing to acknowledge the reality they've ended up in and unrealistically 'holding onto old morals' and so on. Humans are very adaptive creatures, and seeing these wangsty gothic teenage writers botch simple human characterisation hurts somewhere deep inside. The worst part is that the author writes a self insert which means they're depicting themselves as sniveling, filthy, immature trash that should be executed on behalf of the good of humanity. Disgusting.
Then there's the 'oh no I'mma not change the timeline huehuehue!' whilst trying to stay 'low-key' in a deathworld where you can attain god-hood, immortality, dimension-jumping, reality-bending powers etc whilst doing their 'very best' to follow the 'canon route'. As if their mere existence hadn't destroyed the 'timeline' already.
You get the drift. You don't do that here. If anything, you should play up the creepy factor that your character is somesort of mature superprodigy never seen before but... Oh wait, then we have Kakashi whom graduates the academy at five and starts killing people in the battlefield. No matter. Continue as you are - Narutoverse because of Yin Chakra seems to naturally have incredibly overdeveloped children capable of 'holding mature conversations' with adults, even if they're emotionally underdeveloped.
It's honestly quite a crazy world Kishimoto created.
