It was supposed to be a vacation, give the man a break!
Now, granted, his creations have gone bugnuts since he's been gone, but really, he was only human when he created them. How was he to know this would happen?
Kind of a hold-over from Stay Night to be honest. It's a quick and easy classification system that you can modify to describe the rough scale and limitations of the NP. The writers don't need to limit the design of Noble Phantasms to a few specific categories, and can basically do whatever the hell they want and modify the classification into Anti-Poverty or Anti-Evil based on the end result. I know Ishtar's An Gal Ta Ki Gal Se is Anti-Mountain because that's the act it embodies, the destruction of a mountain.
My understanding is that he has to either ask a question to receive an answer or be smacked upside the head by God with a vision sent from God to see something with his clairvoyance. He isn't a complete omniscient with all knowledge of everything and full comprehension of this functionally infinite amount of information that would be flooding his brain if he had complete and constantly active omniscience. So if he never thought to wonder if he made a mistake in Goetia's programming that would cause it to bug out after his death and God didn't care to point it out Solomon wouldn't know it was coming.
My understanding is that he has to either ask a question to receive an answer or be smacked upside the head by God with a vision sent from God to see something with his clairvoyance. He isn't a complete omniscient with all knowledge of everything and full comprehension of this functionally infinite amount of information that would be flooding his brain if he had complete and constantly active omniscience. So if he never thought to wonder if he made a mistake in Goetia's programming that would cause it to bug out after his death and God didn't care to point it out Solomon wouldn't know it was coming.
It wasn't a programming bug. He just never bothered to explain himself to Goetia when Goetia asked him why he didn't step in to fix things. Though Goetia is also somewhat to blame; if he'd been a bit more clever, he'd have just taken over ruling Israel after Solomon died, expanded his influence to encompass the world, and fix things that way.
eh, see, its not exactly a fuckup, given that Solomon had little autonomy.
His first act of full free will, his first act as a human was "I wish to cease being Solomon", because for all his life, God told him how and what to do, even Goetia was part of a large plan by Big G himself. Raphael would be confused about why Roman decided to become Roman, since for angels hearing the voice of God is the highest possible level of happiness and doesn't understands why someone doesn't wants to listen to God 24/7.
Oh and to twist the knife even further, Solomon becoming Romani Archman was what Big G wanted, all along.
Oh yes, even Roman's one attempt at free will was merely just another thing god expected of him, its why he was told to cast a Ring onto the future, its why Romani became Solomon and why Goetia was allowed to ascend to the Station of the Beast. All so Big G could remove from the playing board one of the Seven Evils of Humanity.
In fact, I expect Morganna's reaction to be appalled, as manipulative she has been so far, she has never robbed someone so thoroughly of their free will as Big G did.
Edit, no, BB doesn't counts, BB got scammed to hell and back by Matthew and even then she could have opted to find another method to restore Hakuno's memories.
Angelic Attendant (EX): Hi! Hi! Hi! I'm Raphael, but you can call me Raphie! I'm small, cute, and not at all threatening! I definitely don't have any sort of serious alternate form that would have to say boring things like BE NOT AFRAID,or sedate humans so they don't run and I can heal and or talk to them, or be bitter about aaaaaany of it! I'm the Archangel of Healing, and I accompanied Gally through his quest for the Grail and the Lance and alll of that! The knights I met were pretty neat, but he was my favorite! He's so stalwart, if he met a 'scary angel', he wouldn't even flinch!
@Blinktwice13, I'm recommending a Servant candidate here: Rodolfo Guzmán Huerta. I have the distinct impression that a certain lucha goddess will be lleno de alegría to meet him.
@Blinktwice13, I'm recommending a Servant candidate here: Rodolfo Guzmán Huerta. I have the distinct impression that a certain lucha goddess will be lleno de alegría to meet him.
Given how insanely packed Babylonia is already going to be, I'll have to decline. It'd be great but I've already got a lot going on there. Maybe in an omake but I make no promises.
Me: This is going to be a pure crack chapter! Fun for all! The Plot: "Sure, Jan." Didn't bother dragging it out and just went with what felt right.
Mild Content Warnings: Comic Mischief, bad counter-conspiracy tactics, and psychological torture performed by a protagonist.
_______________________________________________________________________________
6:25. A full thirty minutes before his alarm was set to go off. Half an hour of sleep, gone. Farewell, sweet oblivion. You will be missed.
Scowling, Kadoc rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up. He swung his legs over the side of his bed and stretched his arms overhead before dropping them. His eyes closed with the movement.
When he opened them, he stared into Viy's ominous blue lights.
"Morning." Kadoc yawned, utterly unmoved.
"Good Morning, Kadoc," Anastasia replied. A globe of light appeared over her empty hand, casting an icy pallor over the room. The temperature plummeted.
Kadoc scratched the back of his neck. He couldn't be sure, but he was fairly sure it was nearing freezing in the room. As much as that meant anymore.
"Unfortunately, Viy has hidden your pants. Whatever will you do?" Anastasia's face was void of expression. "Truely, you were born to suffer-"
Kadoc stood up. Within six steps, he was at the adjacent bathroom. Two more, he was at the sink. One crouch and the opening of a cabinet later, a clean pair of pants rested on top of the sundry first aid and cleaning items there.
"...current time, ten seconds." The lights flicked on in his room, and Kadoc noted the temperature returning to normal.
"It doesn't help that you hid them in the same place as last time," he called.
"...I could make you run through the halls in your boxers," Anastasia mused. "But if I do that… hm."
"Use my coat?" Kadoc set the pants to the side and went to gather the rest of an outfit for the day.
Viy's wide eyes blinked rapidly, emoting for his contractor.
"Yes. We will continue to train your power of 'finding secrets' thus." Anastasia nodded once, then pointed at Kadoc dramatically. "Prepare yourself, Master!"
"Yep. Shaking in my boots." Kadoc shut the bathroom door behind him. "I'll be out in a few."
____________________________________________________________________________
Breakfast. Most important meal of the day. Kadoc usually woke up early enough to avoid the initial rush of chaos, and this was no exception. Or it should have been.
It was a lovely morning in Chaldea, and there was a horrible chaos gremlin.
Kadoc sedately ate the standard porridge, given Emiya had yet to get to the kitchen at this hour. Within the kitchen was rattling and crashing.
"Do we stop him?" Anastasia asked.
"I could. Probably." Kadoc kept eating, unperturbed.
"...do we want to know what he's doing?"
"Probably not."
"WHERE IS THE GODDAMN MAPLE SYR- oh, thanks, Fou!"
"Fou're welcome."
Kadoc squinted. "The fuzzball can talk?"
Anastasia tilted her head. "That is a new trick."
A roiling puff of smoke erupted from the kitchen.
"I actually feel slight concern," Anastasia mused. She looked over to Kadoc. "So do we try to salvage the kitchen before the Queen of Camelot skewers us all, or no?"
With all due exasperation, Kadoc pushed himself up and out of his seat and wandered towards the kitchen.
...so this is a scene from a Disney Film set in Hell, he thought. Mixing bowls, spoons, and packages of ingredients flounced through open air. The stove belched blue flame, coiling around uncooked food and scorching it. Water flooded the sink, and liquids of various stripes snaked through the air.
And in the middle of it all danced Matthew, Fou holding onto his head for dear life. Clad in some mix of sweater and pajamas, he rocked from foot to foot while waving his wand, sending runes scattering with each sweep.
Kadoc whipped around the exit to the kitchen, flattening himself against the wall.
Flames roared past where he stood only seconds earlier.
Ritsuka flew into the cafeteria, a frazzled Roman and ecstatic Da Vinci in tow. Kadoc had only enough time to wonder where Mash was before she emulated a one-kouhai stampede, some weird pink thing following behind her and blowing a miniature trumpet to 'Reveille'.
They reached Kadoc just in time for the immediate area of Chaldea to be rocked on its foundation, and a faint trickle of smoke came from the kitchen.
Mash bolted into the kitchen. "Matthew, what on Earth…!?"
Anastasia peeked in past Kadoc, coincidentally pressed up against him.
Ritsuka's dead eyes locked with Kadoc's.
"You need more sleep before you end up looking like me. I'm the only one allowed to have eyebags," Kadoc snipped.
Ritsuka's mouth twitched. "Got it, Senpai."
Roman rubbed his eyes roughly, standing right in the doorway to the kitchen. "Aaaand, dodge!" Da Vinci chirped, hauling the doctor out of the way just in time.
"YEET!"
Bins stacked with food soared into the serving area, crashing into place while somehow not spilling a crumb. Full dispensers of coffee landed in their places, and fruit cycled through the air to land in assorted baskets.
Kadoc and Ritsuka exchanged another look.
"It's going to be spotless in there, you know. I can feel it in my bones," Ritsuka opined.
"Will it be real or an illusion?" Kadoc asked dryly.
"Yes."
Matthew strode out, hands on his hips and grinning broadly. Fou swat an ember out on a stray cowlick. "I did a breakfast!"
"...why did you do a breakfast?" Mash asked, stalking out behind him with a twitching eyebrow. "By which I mean, what possessed you to do… that? I've seen you in your workshop. I know you're capable of being delicate and low-key."
"Wowie zowie, you sure can fit a lot down that drain in there!" the tiny pink thing squeaked. "Especially all the burnt stuff! Bzzzr!"
Matthew tapped his chin. "Well, Gawain pissed off Aunt Artoria yesterday, but then Emiya started hand-feeding her, and I'd like to think I can read the situation enough to know that their majesties weren't going to get up anytime soon. And since Gawain's cooking can generously be described as 'biohazard', it was more self-preservation than anything!"
"First, that answers nothing. Second, Dad and I were still available." Ritsuka's expression went from 'dead inside' to 'gently aggrieved'. "Third, why make a production out of it?"
Matthew shrugged. "I felt like it." Fou yawned on top of his head.
Kadoc leaned over to Ritsuka. "What's the pink thing?" he whispered.
"Archangel. Part of Mash's new shield." Ritsuka massaged his temples.
"...so does everyone get a familiar now? Do they?" Anastasia grumbled. "Viy's not going to feel special anymore."
The tiny demon flicked open an icicle switchblade, eyes gleaming in challenge.
"...an Archangel? As in, one of the major heralds of the Abrahamic deity Archangel?" Kadoc's eyes widened. "But. Why would- that's-"
The pink blob with wings bounced happily while Mash continued to chew Matthew out. Matthew watched it like a fascinated kitten, and Kadoc had a sinking feeling he was about to take a swipe 'just because'.
"The Church is going to be so far up our collective ass once they're back, you have no idea," Kadoc finished in an exhausted murmur. After a moment, he inhaled. "Did Matthew clean up after himself at least?" he asked in a slightly raised voice.
"Of course I did! What do you take me for, someone with no upbringing!?"
Kadoc neatly sidestepped that land mine. "And actually clean, not use illusions?"
Matthew looked extremely put out. "Yes. Yes, I did."
"It was horrifying." Mash shuddered. "Food isn't supposed to move like that."
Deciding that the immediate crisis was over, Kadoc weighed the merits of going back to finish what little was left of his meal. On the one hand, keeping himself fed would give him energy to handle the many, many Servants and other issues that arose in day-to-day Chaldea. On the other, remaining would leave him vulnerable to said issues.
For example: the mages who would not leave him alone.
The Good Doctor had made his position clear on certain 'office politics'. Da Vinci was untouchable. Ophelia was high enough in rank that people didn't even try to drag her into it. Any attempt to engage Ritsuka was met with immediate and harsh backlash from any Servant in range (and honestly Kadoc was half tempted to join in at times). Asako was either seen with Lord El-Melloi II or Grand Magus Aozaki, both of whom were seasoned enough in magecraft and the Clock Tower's politics that getting to her was a fool's gambit.
That left Kadoc. Kadoc, who knew letting Anastasia freeze over the idiots trying to get to Matthew through him was a bad move. Kadoc, with his two-hundred year lineage. Kadoc, who only just began to display traits that would elevate him past the rank of 'cause'. Kadoc, who had a family that could easily be flattened by any of the elder factions of the Clock Tower.
So with limited options Kadoc had withdrawn, keeping mostly to himself-
"Yo!" And that's a faceful of Caster.
Kadoc blinked, surprised at Matthew's sudden proximity. "Can I help you?" he asked.
"I was thinking; it's been a while since we've hung out. I've got today pretty free…?" Matthew smiled hopefully. "And sorry I haven't checked in for a while. Things have been… yeah. But that's no excuse. Friends are supposed to keep in touch, right? I think?" Fou bat at another cowlick, still seated on the Caster's head.
Kadoc glanced at Ritsuka. The younger mage smiled and gave a wave. "I'm going to have my hands full integrating Raphael into things." His smile turned knowing. "I think the two of you could use the day off."
And that. That was why Kadoc couldn't resent Ritsuka. He was just too damn nice. Not to mention he actively gave a damn about people as people, which was probably why Matthew had latched onto him…
"Sure," Kadoc agreed, smiling slightly. "Anastasia, do you mind?"
Anastasia gazed impassively at Matthew. Slowly, a sweet smile spread across her face - one which Kadoc had come to associate with indirect payback. "I think that is a wonderful idea, Master," she said.
Matthew punched the air. "Yesss! C'mon, let's get you something more filling than porridge." He grabbed Kadoc's arm. "I fixed some jajecznica, it's right over here! I found the recipe when I was on the internet last night-!"
Kadoc smiled, despite himself. This more open Matthew took some getting used to, but he couldn't say it was a bad thing.
He spotted Caspan Barthomeloi glowering out of the corner of his eye, keeping his distance.
...not a bad thing at all.
____________________________________________________________________________
"So!" Matthew clapped his hands. "What do you want to do?" He walked backwards, facing Kadoc and Anastasia as they wandered Chaldea's halls.
Kadoc shrugged. "Dunno. Usually I study, listen to some music. There's nothing new on the 'internet' - the closest is a mirror of a few sites stored in the database."
"We could train your abilities," Anastasia offered with a small smile.
"Abilities?" Matthew perked up. "What abilities? Like your magecraft?"
"Mmph." Kadoc looked away. "I've… developed some newer powers."
"Yes. He's practically immune to extreme cold, and has a new knack for finding hidden things. I'm trying to see how much like Viy's eyes that ability is." Anastasia paused. "Though it seems we may have other priorities soon."
Matthew craned his neck. "Hoo boy." With one arm, he ushered Kadoc behind him and against the wall.
Roaring in outrage, Joan stomped past them wreathed in dark fire. "WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE!?"
Kadoc looked at the Casters. Anastasia shook her head minutely and Matthew shrugged.
"I'M GONNA TURN THAT WITCH INTO A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE!"
"Well that narrows it down a little," Kadoc muttered.
Joan spun on her heel. "You." Her eyes gleamed with an unholy light. Slowly, she stalked towards Kadoc. Short spurts of flame jet from her snarling maw.
Matthew stepped fully in front of Kadoc, and the lower half of Kadoc's vision was blond hair. "Heeey Joan. How's it going?" Matthew's voice embodied strained cheer. "You seem a little tense?"
Joan grit her teeth. "I ain't gonna torch him, punk. Just wanna talk."
"He can hear you." Anastasia didn't usher Matthew away, but she did shift Viy in her grasp. "Who are you looking for?"
Kadoc hoped Medea hadn't pissed her off - he knew Matthew regarded her kindly, probably as a friend. The 'witch' indicated it could be her, but-
"LaVoisin. I've got words for her."
"Duly noted," Kadoc responded dryly. "So what has she done this time? I thought Ritsuka sat you guys all down and told you not to engage if there was a chance of violence?"
Rhetorical, of course. Kadoc had been there for the lecture. Hell, he'd manned the whiteboard while Ritsuka stood at a little podium. Matthew was in the process of reforging Gilgamesh's breastplate at the time.
"It ain't that. She's just hard as hell to find." Joan's eyebrow twitched. "I need a favor outta her."
"You better have money or alcohol," Kadoc drawled. "And what do you need the poison-slinging spymaster for anyways?"
That… made Joan go shifty-eyed. "I got my reasons."
"Are you trying to drug someone I care about?" Matthew's tone went frigid.
Joan scoffed. "Like hell I am. I got shit to do with your little fuck club, and Ritsuka's my Master. As for the rest, they haven't pushed the line."
There was a moment of silence.
"Okeydoke! Let's help her, Kadoc!" Matthew stepped to the side.
Joan sputtered.
Anastasia laid a finger on her cheek. "Hm. Hmmmm. Hmmmmmm."
Kadoc glowered. "We aren't going to cause trouble for everyone else."
"Of course not!" Matthew smiled brightly. "Why, I'm sure we're going to solve problems. Right, Joan?"
Joan's scowl turned to a rough, snarling smile. "That's right. We're just gonna look into a few, ah, alternate methods for dealing with some… whatcha callit?"
"Logistical errors?" Anastasia offered.
"Bingo." Joan nodded at her. "Right. So we're gonna need her, gonna need that midget author, and gonna need… need." Joan scowled again.
"Do we want someone for punching or someone for planning? And who would benefit most from a favorable outcome?" Kadoc asked.
The Servants looked to him.
He sighed. "If we're going to do this, might as well do it right."
"Gotcha. Mostly it's for Ritsuka and Roman, but you'll probably benefit too." Joan gave a crooked grin.
Kadoc scratched his neck. "...right. So we'll probably want to grab Caesar and Grand Magus Aozaki. Possibly Medea."
"Ehhh. Medea's already on notice. Probably don't want to get her implicated," Joan dismissed, waving the suggestion away.
"Notice for what?" Matthew scowled.
"I'll explain once we got our little war council. Got it?" Joan leaned forward with an aggressive glint in her eye.
Kadoc laid a hand on Matthew's shoulder. "We got it." He paused. "Wait. Matthew? Where did Fou go?"
Matthew shrugged. "Search me."
That was when Kadoc heard the loud swearing getting steadily closer.
Rounding the corner, collar dragged in Fou's mouth, was Hans Christian Andersen. The Caster lay flat on his back, squeaking along the polished floor.
"Damnable mangy cur! Let me GO!" Andersen snapped, flailing his tiny limbs.
"FMPH MPH FMPH!" Fou barked, muffled by the cloth in his tiny jaws.
Kadoc stared at the Servants with a tired, hollow feeling in his chest. Anastasia placed her fingers daintily over her mouth.
"...one down?" Matthew offered with a sheepish grin.
Joan's cackle reverberated through the hall.
____________________________________________________________________________
They managed to find an unused meeting room without too much trouble. Once there, Joan loomed over the table.
"Alright. So we've got issues," she began.
"Truly? I hadn't noticed." Andersen sniped. He gingerly massaged his arms with a grimace. "I'm still sore from that dragging the tiny vermin gave me."
"Tea?" Matthew offered, holding a tray up. Several cups and a small pot sat upon it.
...Kadoc felt it best not to question. At the very least it seemed to mollify Andersen, given some of the heat left the author's gaze.
"Sounds like a personal problem. Right, so I wanted to cover this once we got at least LaVoisin on board, but-"
"There seems to be a mounting mutiny in the background."
Kadoc jolted as the poisonous spymaster materialized in an empty chair. She gingerly took a cup of tea for herself with a small, icy smile.
Joan blinked a few times.
"I have my familiars haunt the vents. Despite the cliché nature of it all, it still manages to be a decent way to keep a finger on the pulse of things here." LaVoisin took a deep sip of her tea.
Andersen's gaze grew canny. "Hm."
"And that's why I wanted you. Out of everyone here, you're the one with the whole 'spymaster' thing going on," Joan elaborated. "I thought it seemed weird that even with all our victories, folks still seemed uptight about shit. Didn't know who to turn to, but I did gather that Medea had tried to flat-out hypnotize someone for information and it… didn't go over well."
"They probably pissed her off something fierce for her to get obvious," Matthew mused, seating himself. "She's more than capable of subtlety."
LaVoisin hummed. "She was very much agitated at the time. The person in question was Caspan, of the Barthomeloi clan of mages. He'd asked something of her that piqued her anger."
"Likely to betray someone who had her esteem." Andersen folded his hands. His cup was already empty.
"Just so." LaVoisin's smile was small and dark. "I've made no effort to hide my past efforts against Chaldea, and so they've felt more at ease approaching me."
"Didn't know that," Joan muttered.
Kadoc took a sip to mask his expression. Fuck. Caspan Barthomeloi was the one who'd consistently tried to wheedle him into things. Getting information, 'throwing his weight behind Lord Kirschtaria', whatever. So much for a day off.
"So what? Do we set Nobunaga on them and get her to prank them into submission?" Matthew asked.
"Despite her playful demeanor, the Demon King was not as successful as she was due to suffering potential threats from within. Not to mention her downfall was from treachery itself." LaVoisin sat back. "It would be far more likely that a firing squad down an empty corridor would be the fate of whoever we set her against."
Kadoc grimaced. "She has a point. Nobu's fun and all, but she earned her titles."
"Naturally, I'm loyal because thus far Chaldea is two-for-two in unravelling the Singularities. The current administration is the most profitable one to work for, according to my projections." LaVoisin's eyes narrowed. "The man they want to replace the little Tohsaka went and got himself blown up by an ally. I'd need far more proof to offer my services to such a person." She gave a blank look to the table. "And to those who would say it was chance, I would note that luck is an asset like any other. Some simply have more than others."
Joan shrugged. "Don't care. So long as you don't stab Ritsuka in the back, we're good."
"Which brings us to this: how do we root out the viper without causing undue distress to the rest of the staff?" Anastasia asked. "And how has he been able to foment unrest despite our advances in the mission, claiming comforts for morale, and our relative security?"
LaVoisin's flat gaze turned to Matthew, and Kadoc tensed.
"What'd I do?" the faerie squawked.
"The main thing that Caspan's riding on is that you brought the knife back," Kadoc interjected. "The original version you used to maim the first Director was confiscated, but then you made a stronger one." He shifted uncomfortably. "And somehow he got hold of footage of you using it. The main one he likes to use is the one from Fuyuki where you broke Matou."
"And as mages hold lineage dear above all else, it terrifies that part of the staff," LaVoisin pointed out in agreement. "With that dagger you can unwind the work of centuries in hours."
"Okay so… what exactly is going on?" Matthew looked at Kadoc warily. "And why didn't you tell me before?"
Kadoc slumped in his chair. "Mostly I just tried to avoid them. Barthomeloi tried to get me with a marriage contract into his family, then started hinting once the Grand Order was done that Barthomeloi would remember both allies and enemies to the cause. It's why I haven't been around too often." Because he was the weak point they could get at.
Matthew curled his hands into fists. "So he tried to use you to get to me." His voice was deceptively light. "You know, maybe I ought to give a demonstration of how the curse works. Just for kicks."
Before Kadoc could contradict him, Andersen intervened.
"Firstly, while fear can be used to command a populace, we are far too contained and the people far too desperate. You are already despised for some slight; that much I've gathered. To that end, emulating the Golden King would not be to your benefit." Andersen leaned forward. "Second, given how quietly they move it seems this is a soft-power overthrow rather than outright violence. While the ultimate goal is the same, you seem to be the sticking point. Despite your own commitment to the cause and the boons you've given towards it, they fear for their own lives. Barthomeloi, thanks to his own fear and certainty that you will avenge yourself upon every mage around, continues to foment unrest."
"But… I don't care about them." Matthew blinked in confusion.
Kadoc choked on his own spit.
"No, seriously. If they live, they live. If they die, they're collateral. The only humans I have an actual interest in right now are the Masters, Roman, and the ones in the coffins. Maybe those we meet in Singularities. I couldn't give less of a single solitary fuck about the rest of them. Why would they make themselves my problem?" Matthew was utterly bewildered. "It's not like they matter. At least, past working the rayshift programs."
"Wow. Humanity's savior, front and center." Kadoc rubbed his forehead.
"I don't care too much about humanity. But humans…" Matthew trailed off. "And I'm not that. Ritsuka and Mash are, probably. If I had my way, I'd just cherry-pick my favorites and watch over them in Avalon if I was sure they'd survive."
"But since you can't ensure that, you won't." Anastasia leaned back in her chair, petting Viy's hair.
"Partly. The other part is…" Matthew shifted uncomfortably.
Kadoc squinted. "What."
"Well, it'd make you guys upset." He gestured at Kadoc. "And you're the ones who matter, so. Even if it was to make you safe, it'd still be like keeping you prisoner. And as far as I know, love - healthy love - can't thrive in a cage. You're my friends, and I don't. Well." Matthew trailed off again.
Kadoc blinked a few times. Oddly enough, something small and warm settled in his chest, soothing the hollow feelings away.
"Touching, but we've deviated from the original topic." LaVoisin folded her hands on the table. "We know the what, the why, and part of the 'how'. Now what do we wish to do about it?"
"The rest of the 'how' is easy. They want to wake up Kirschtaria Wodime next and have him take over," Matthew said, straightening his shoulders. "...though from what Doc Roman said, he's not what they think he is. Or what I think he is."
"What d'you mean? Think it'll backfire on them if we do wake him up?" Joan asked with a frown.
"Dunno. He could try to offer up everyone in a blood rite to align the stars for victory or whatever." Matthew shrugged. "Or something." He sounded unconvinced.
"Probably not that." Kadoc rubbed his forehead. "So what do we do?"
"Well, Wodime's next on the list. He's coming back one way or another." Matthew put his hands in his lap. "Honestly, now that you pointed out people are working to undermine Rits and the Doc, I'm more concerned about them. How do we handle the mages while not alienating the engineers, custodians, and everyone else?"
"Our options fall into two categories, given our objective," LaVoison mused. "First, we deal with this discreetly in a way that cannot be traced to us. Nonlethal seems to be the preference, but essentially we need to defang Barthomeloi. The second option is to outmaneuver him politically. Paint him into a corner where his influence becomes nil."
"The second is quite simple, given the nature of his leverage," Andersen mused. "The combination of Kyrielight and his knife serves as the impetus to rally. Remove the catalyst, and momentum falters."
Kadoc frowned, then his eyes slowly widened.
"You got somethin' to say?" Joan asked, leaning on the table with both palms.
"Or an idea?" Anastasia's eyes glinted.
"Something like that." Kadoc gave a feral grin.
____________________________________________________________________________
Roman felt a pit of dread in his stomach. He didn't know which god he had pissed off (actually, possibly just the one), but things were starting to get seriously complicated.
The petition for Wodime's revival had been followed by several smaller ones - restrictions on areas Servants could peruse, resource allocation restrictions… Nothing as large as the first one, but still not safe to ignore. An entire department was somewhat united, it seemed.
He exhaled slowly, setting the papers down.
"You know, seeing the future might help a little bit."
Roman's eyes flashed upward. Damn. "Raphael."
The Archangel hung in midair, the vigor they displayed around Mash nowhere to be seen.
"Solomon." They settled on top of the papers. "I'd ask what happened, but given as you were… it's likely part of the Plan. Ineffable or something, right?" Their voice, while still a light tenor, lost the grating squeak they affected. "Casting your body away for a new one devoid of the gifts the Lord gave you. Talk about mysterious ways, huh?"
"Passive-aggression doesn't suit you, Healer," Roman replied in a clipped tone.
"Hm?"
"I get it. It's my fault Goetia has my body. My fault he has nine of my old rings. My fault that human history is enflamed." Roman quickly signed a piece of paper before rejecting a new proposal from Caspan's bloc.
"To be sure, your action and inaction after materialization is entirely on you, 'Roman'. But Solomon was, well. One of us in human form. And I can't complain about your actions since they resulted in Mash. She's a good girl, has a strong bent for justice and mercy. You did better raising her than your own children." Raphael's emblem sparkled. "Yes, that includes Goetia. You really should have entrusted the Queen of Sheba with their initial care, you know. She might not have been of the Lord's flock, but she was still worthy of approval in her own ways."
"Is there a reason for this?" Roman asked, aggrieved. "I get it. I'm a loathsome sinner-"
"To sin is human." Raphael's tone turned sharp. "You never exercised free will in your lifetime. You were content to be another part of our whole, to guide mankind as we angels did. The almighty's voice was gifted to you, and you asked for it. You wanted wisdom, so it was provided." Raphael stirred, taking to the air to level themself with Roman's face. "Part of me wanted to ask why, but I already knew. You were one of us in human skin. You had free will, but never exercised it. This was your choice, and you used a gift our God gave you. The consequences are of your own making, but the act is beyond rebuke."
Roman stared.
"I cannot absolve you of consequence. No, that is the realm of heralds and gods far pettier and unfair than I. Were things to play out as intended, you would sacrifice the very concept of yourself to stop the evil burning the world. That is what I have surmised."
He gripped his hand. The one bearing his final ring.
"But as it may have escaped your notice - there are heralds and gods far pettier and unfair than I in play. And at least one of them has chosen to like you. Be not afraid, Romani Archaman, remnant of Solomon. My role is to observe, preserve, and aid Mash as she needs."
The sound of waves echoed in the room. Raphael's pink coloration darkened to a deep, deep blue.
"So I leave this warning with you." The spot of light in the depths of the ocean shone, like sun through the water's surface reaching the depths. "With her brother's powers being what they are, it is a miracle if a lost one does not attempt to contact him. Not the Morningstar," Raphael continued in a dismissive snarl, "though all would assume him to be a Beast or influencing factor in such a cataclysm. But know this: no pantheon is without those who were cast from grace, or those who are more complex than humans take comfort in. That boy's soul is vulnerable, even with his circlet. Morgan misstepped when she granted him our tongue and forgot to remove his humanity. For it is true he can speak… but now he can also hear."
The crushing pressure faded, the light returned, and a pink sphere with wings hung in the air once more.
"Welp! Don't tell Mash I got all spooky, 'kay? Getting humans to sit still and play nice is so much easier when you're not a cosmic force of life, ayup!" And Raphie flit from the room without a care, phasing through the doorway.
Roman inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled. And sighed. Slowly, he looked down at the piece of paper in his hands.
Kadoc looked up from the screen where unnecessary (or totally necessary) amounts of violence were taking place. "About?"
Medusa draped herself over the back of the couch, resting her arm across the top of Matthew's head. "Why this particular mix of characters is holed up in one of these lounges."
"Circle 'round! Get the bastard!" Joan snapped.
"Oh no thanks. You guys got this." Matthew clicked the buttons on his controller, his character strafing the boss on his monitor. Kadoc watched that one for familiarity's sake.
At his side, Anastasia scowled. "Here I am, almost getting flattened, and he's talking to another woman. Of course I am." Her eyes shot wide. "That is not a frenchman."
Kadoc cleared his throat. "So what happened was-"
"We're hiding from the consequences of our actions," Andersen drawled. His eyes narrowed. "And trying to puzzle out the mode of storytelling in this 'game'."
"Atmospheric with a requirement to look at item descriptions," Matthew droned. His character plunged a cane of some sort into the back of a yowling beast. "Bloodborne makes you work for that lore."
LaVoisin sat in a large chair. "Though I do admit trepidation to monopolizing a lounge so close to the Hero-King's chambers." Despite her demeanor, Kadoc could easily sense the tension roiling off of her.
"Tch. If his nibs gets his shorts in a twist, we'll throw pixie-boy at him and run." Joan grinned. "Hell yeah! Get his ass, Duchess!"
Anastasia smiled. "I like these firebombs."
Kadoc shrugged, looking up at Medusa. "That pretty much covers it."
"The entire magecraft department is in disarray, the others are all eyeing them with suspicion, and you're… hiding and playing videogames." Medusa spoke in a faint voice. She held up a sheet of paper. "How did you plaster these all over so quickly?" she directed to Matthew.
Kadoc already knew what it said. 'To whom it may concern: since my holding onto Walpurgisnacht is causing everyone who isn't a Master but has Magic Circuits to turn into a little bitch at the drop of a hat, I'm giving it away. Have fun figuring out who! Oh, and I snuck into Roman's office - apparently the mage quarter wants to put restrictions on Servants? And seems to be plotting some kind of soft-power takeover? You guys should look at those kinds of things. Now leave me the fuck out of your petty power squabbles or I'll make it my problem. Sincerely, Matthew Kyrielight.'
A tiny goatkin in a butler suit bleated from around waist-height by Medusa.
"Seeing as I won't be getting the… ingredients… for a proper deployment, I am able to use my Black Mass to call my familiars thusly," LaVoisin explained. "Cheap, easily deployed, durable, and stealthy. Also capable of carrying any serum I concoct."
Kadoc shrugged before looping an arm around Anastasia. She leaned in, smiling. "Well, I'm sure Ritsuka can handle whatever happens. After all, it's my day off."
Matthew nodded. "I wouldn't worry. Gilgamesh was feeling generous so he gave me a two-for-one for the bribe to let us hunker down here."
"...what?" Medusa frowned.
"Yeah, he's going to help Ritsuka drag all of the 'rebels' under his heel. Politically or by terror. Gilgamesh is way smarter than I thought he would be… said our plan wasn't too bad, but had some holes. Mostly that including snippets of Caspan's past as part of the packet would go far. After all, even by mage standards he's shady. Information specialist and all that."
"A spy," LaVoisin clarified. "Sent by Barthomeloi herself. The tension between that family and the Animusphere clan was palpable, even pre-Chaldea. Or so I gathered."
"Heh. That bit went to his supporters." Matthew gave a sharklike grin. "To the rest of the mages? Marisbilly was god. He's about to have everything tumble flat." His smile dropped. "Still have to contend with whatever Wodime has, but…"
"You misunderstand. I still have every intention of dragging the six of you out to help deal with the new and exciting level of chaos you've unleashed on Chaldea." Medusa folded her arms, standing tall. "What I'm concerned about is whatever you could have given Gilgamesh to net two favors at once. Let alone on such short notice."
Kadoc furrowed his brow. That… was a good point. He hadn't asked, but…
"Please tell me you didn't go through with it." Anastasia's gaze was dull and lifeless. "I'll have lost what little respect I have for you if you did."
Matthew placed a hand over his chest and fluttered his eyelashes. "You respect me? Be still my heart." He immediately dropped his hand and grimaced. "And no. I brokered a deal on his behalf; there were no physical favors. I was in there for five minutes!" Matthew scowled at the implication. "Seriously, what d'you think I am? Some kinda one-pump chump!?"
Joan wheezed.
"And on that note." Medusa grabbed Matthew by the back of his neck. She turned her eyes on Kadoc. "Follow or I'm coming back."
"Nooo! We haven't even got to Vicar Amelia yet!" Matthew whined. "...can I at least get a bridal carry? Pleeeeeease?"
Kadoc picked up the controller. "If I don't get him to the Hunter's dream for when he boots up, we're all catching hell," he explained.
Anastasia looked over the couch. "Huh."
"Hm?" Andersen arched an eyebrow before turning to look as well.
"Prince got his bridal carry." LaVoison drank her tea.
"Better wrap up, or you'll probably get dragged behind her horse," Joan jeered.
...Kadoc decided to take a shortcut.
____________________________________________________________________________
Was Kadoc surprised there was an entire auditorium? Not really. Should he have been? Again, not really. It was probably the easiest way to handle dispersal of information.
What he was surprised at was the sheer level of screaming.
Caspan stood on top of a table, cornered by what looked to be the rest of the magecraft department. Medea hovered at their back, smiling ghoulishly beneath her hat-hood-thing.
Over in engineering at least three of the Rayshift technicians were crying in a huddle, while the others were dividing their time between yelling and pointing over at the mage assembly.
The janitors just stood at the back and to the side, well away from the insanity. Respect, janitors. This wasn't a mess they needed to get involved in.
The one merc stood at Roman's side while he clutched the podium, fingering the safety of her gun. Kadoc considered it a minor miracle that she hadn't unloaded full auto already, but supposed she was a certain level of professional after all. Animusphere wouldn't settle for anything less.
(Unless it was something useful like Beryl, but that was neither here nor there.)
Medical had a gurney set up and were watching Caspan on his perch like a squad of white-dressed vultures.
The gathered Servants were clearly divided. Nero and Tamamo were bellowing and ready to bring the war, but Jeanne and Marie seemed intent on keeping some modicum of peace.
Emiya babysat the cafeteria folks, who were confused and a little dismayed. Though to his credit, he did manage to keep them calm with what Kadoc assumed to be soothing words in his low, reassuring voice. (Kadoc was very heterosexual but the man had a baritone that he could still appreciate.)
Matthew clasped his hands together, wings fluttering behind him. "Is this what Regina George felt like?" he whispered in awe.
Deft fingers grabbed his ear and twisted.
"Owowowow!" Matthew buckled with a grimace.
"What. Did. You. Do." Mash stared at her brother with icy composure. The flame of rage in her eyes belied her true intentions.
"Our intent was to head off a mutiny at the pass," Kadoc offered. "Joan and LaVoisin brought it to us, and we planned it out."
"And by 'it', we mean unearthing Caspan's former allegiance and foisting the main crux of his arguments off on someone else," Andersen clarified in a droll tone.
Mash let Matthew go just as Ritsuka approached with a look of utter exhaustion. "Please. I don't know what to do here." He covered his eyes with his hands. "We have no idea where the knife-"
"Walpurgisnacht!" Matthew corrected.
"...Walpurgisnacht. We have no idea where it is. If we know that, we can at least get a conversation started."
"...you forgot to write that down, huh." Kadoc gave Matthew a flat look. He sighed. "Mic me?"
Matthew clicked his fingers. "Go for it."
Kadoc took a deep breath. "HEY ASTOLFO!"
The pink-haired menace perked up from the group of Servants.
"WHAT'S THAT YOU'VE GOT!?"
Ritsuka stared at Matthew, and Kadoc swore he could see the bags under the younger man's eyes sag.
"A KNIFE!" Astolfo caroled, brandishing a (thankfully) sheathed Walpurgisnacht.
He became the immediate and explosive center of attention.
"NO!" Bradamante shrieked, immediately lunging to tackle her airheaded cousin.
Pandemonium erupted.
Kadoc slowly turned his head to observe Caspan, who was curled in on himself in the corner. The other mages had left him to his own devices.
Their eyes met.
And ever so gradually, Kadoc favored the clearly broken man with a pointed grin.
Anastasia might be onto something with this cat's-paw stuff. Though in Matthew's case, it was more an eager co-conspirator.
____________________________________________________________________________
Kadoc gently pat Ritsuka's back. "Thanks."
Ritsuka narrowed his eyes. "When I lent you Matthew for the day, I didn't expect… this. I thought I was going to get time to work with Mash on what having Raphael meant, and what we could expect. Not have the turmoil that Dr. Roman's been gingerly tending for months hit an artificially induced crisis point."
"But he got the bastard off my back. And more than that, nobody trusts him now." Kadoc's smirk widened. "So if he tried to say, blackmail you-"
Ritsuka snapped upright, eyes wide. "You know about that?" His voice was barely a whisper.
Kadoc paused. "About what?"
"I…" Ritsuka worried his lip. "He's in possession of certain information that, if it gets out…"
"Hm." Kadoc's eyes lowered. "What kind of information?"
"I have a Sorcery Trait."
Of course. He still liked Ritsuka, that didn't change, but again he was the ordinary one while the others-
"Any child I have will be stronger than their parents. It's the Zenjou family's remaining power, codified. It's… I escaped to Chaldea because the Matou family tried to make use of it. To restore their family." Ritsuka swallowed, pale. "Caspan said he'd tell Lorelei Barthomeloi. Said she'd try and. Force a marriage."
The Matou. Kadoc had read the redacted files from the second Fuyuki excursion; he knew the shape of that magecraft. And-
"I should have egged the mages on a little. Gotten them to remove him from the board." Kadoc's voice was deceptively light.
Fuck. That wasn't a gift, it was a curse. Especially in a eugenically-minded society like that of magi.
Whatever Ritsuka's talents turned out to be, Kadoc couldn't let that happen to him.
Ritsuka gave a weary chuckle. "Asako would probably beat you to it, if she knew. Or worse, Aunt Touko. She, um. Knew. She was the one who diagnosed it. Told Mom to stop training me and keep me hidden."
"Whatever he intends, it won't happen." Kadoc sat up. "I promise."
Ritsuka stared at Kadoc for a long moment. "I'm glad we woke you up first."
"Huh?"
"I mean… having you around in Orleans, and just… you're reliable. And even if you're a little glum, you're a good person." Ritsuka gave a small smile. "Thank you for taking care of me, when you can."
Kadoc balked. "I'm nothing special. Any of Team A could've done it."
"But whatever the reason, you were there. Sometimes that's enough." Ritsuka's smile grew a little. "That's enough for me. Servants aside, I definitely needed a friend."
Kadoc looked away, face burning. "...whatever. I still need to figure out how to keep Caspan from following through on that threat. The slimy little snake…"
Ritsuka bumped their shoulders together.
"Oh, I wouldn't worry." Anastasia manifested with a polite smile. "I'd say it's being seen to."
The two men stared.
Her eyes flickered with a fey light. "After all, it was my idea for Matthew and I to listen in under one of his glamours."
The door shut behind Caspan Barthomeloi. He took a shuddering breath, and turned on the light for his bedroom.
"Well hello there."
He froze. Terror spiked through his veins, and he stepped back-
"Stop. Calm down."
I gave a small, polite smile.
His room was sparsely decorated, and I sat on his bed with my legs crossed and hands in my lap.
"Someone's been a naughty boy. Listening at keyholes, digging through things that don't belong to him." I narrowed my eyes. "Haven't you?"
Despite my order, the man's throat bobbed. "You won't get away with this."
I tilted my head.
Kill me, he's going to kill me. Worse, Barthomeloi will fall and it will be my fault-!
The Barthomeloi clan is one of the most prestigious of the Clock Tower. The leader, Lorelei, is the 'Queen of the Clock Tower' and an avid vampire huntress. She commands platoons of combat mages and has earned a multitude of titles. She stands second only to the Director himself.
I yawned. "Boring."
Caspan stared, affront warring with pants-wetting terror. Well, he hadn't wet himself yet.
I stretched my arms over my head, and made my way to my feet. Immediately, he tried to bolt.
"Hold."
He opened his mouth to scream.
"Hush."
Caspan's eyes quivered with unshed tears. I stalked languidly around him.
"So you know Ritsuka's secrets. I mean, if I were anyone else I couldn't let you live. How fortunate for me that I have options." I smiled again. "I like options."
As commanded, he remained silent.
"Now, as for what I'm going to do - it's simple. Wodime is next to wake, but with your little role as a spy 'revealed' you'll never get his ear." My smile turned sharp. "Honestly, I don't know what will come of him. But rest assured, you won't benefit from it personally."
I continued to circle.
"We will continue resolving the Singularities, cease the incineration, and all will be well. I will have my freedom, and any contact I have with the Moonlit World will be on my terms and no others."
My footsteps echoed softly in the blindingly white room.
"And you? Well. I'll tell you what happens next for you."
Caspan whimpered.
"You will tell no one what you have learned of Chaldea. Nor what you have learned of any in the Tohsaka family. Should any probe your mind with magecraft, the very memories will cease to be, devoured by your own soul until the spell ends."
His eyes widened.
I leaned in.
"And… that's it." I grinned.
"What?" Caspan rasped, disbelieving. He stumbled, suddenly free from my power.
"What, what?" I shrugged. "It's not as though you could actually hurt me or mine. And you've done nothing I can't correct with a little elbow grease." I gave him a pout. "Silly mage. This was all the time I had to spare for you. After this, there's not even a reason for me to remember you exist."
"B-but… mages. You hate us! You'll destroy us all!" Caspan's whispers were as though reciting a prayer, a deeply held truth fundamental to the universe. "I saw what you did to Marisbilly Animusphere!"
"After years of torture and a threat to my sister, yes," I agreed. "But honestly? Making that kind of example of you isn't only what you seem to want, but it's more trouble than it's worth."
The idiot stared, aghast.
I let the ice slide into my eyes and smile, let my canines lengthen and voice pitch low. "If I were going to kill the mages of Chaldea, no one could stop me. The cost would be irritating, but I could do it in a heartbeat. We stand in the bounds of my Temple, you ignoramus. Just because I do my miracles within my workshop doesn't make me any less in control."
His breath quickened.
"Let me put this in words you can understand, idiot of House I Don't Care About." I leaned upwards. My vision spotted, almost as though someone had dipped the world in ink - or rendered it a negative.
"If I wished to hurt someone here… I would have done so already."
With a retching gasp, the man of no consequence crumbled to the floor.
Ah - there it was. The subtle reek of ammonia.
I gave a light hum, and turned the light off with a snap of my fingers. Then I opened the door.
"Nighty-night, stupid human. Try to change your underwear before you go to bed, assuming you're capable of that much."
I closed it behind me.
...what was I doing here again? Eh. I'll go pester Gawain, that might be fun!
____________________________________________________________________________
Kadoc followed Ritsuka, hot on his heels.
"Ma-" Ritsuka began, opening the door.
Matthew lay face down on the sparring mat. "Owie."
Mash hid her shield behind her almost sheepishly. "S-senpai!"
Ritsuka looked from Mash, to Matthew, and back again.
"Ah, it is late is it not?" Gawain smiled. "I was simply seeing what martial skills my siblings have. Perhaps the morning would be more appropriate…"
Kadoc exhaled, shaking his head. "It's fine," he said, placing a hand on Ritsuka's shoulder.
Ritsuka stared at Matthew with a faint frown before breaking off. "Yeah. Just…"
Matthew gave a thumbs up. "I helped! And nobody's dead or maimed or otherwise hurt!" His head lifted.
"...how about traumatized?" Kadoc drawled.
"...I helped!"
...okay then.
At that point, a panel moved in the ceiling. From the newly revealed darkness, tiny black-furred hands lowered Fou before dropping him square on Matthew's head. Then they retreated, and the panel slid back into place.
The Masters and knights stared.
"Fou, fou. Fou fou fou rr." The tiny animal chirped in cadence, as though giving a report.
"Oh good! Glad that panned out."
"Kyuun. Fou fou?"
Matthew waved a hand. "I'll pillage the pantry tomorrow. You earned it."
"Foukay!"
Kadoc and Ritsuka stared at each other, brothers in dying soul.
"Just another day in Chaldea," Anastasia mused, making herself known.
"Ayup!"
And then Fou tackled the Archangel Raphael, apparently deciding they were a new scratch-toy.
"Definitely having a normal one, buddy," Kadoc muttered, clapping Ritsuka on the shoulder.
I'm gonna laugh when Kirschtaria wakes up and it's revealed that he's just as much of a lovable dork as Ritsuka and Kadoc. He's just much better at hiding it due to his upbringing.
Nope! Raphael explicitly stated that it wasn't the Morningstar. They aren't sure what it might be, but they know it's not that. As an Archangel often cast in opposition to Old Scratch, they know his playbook.
You know, I actually thought this would be a more Kadoc focused chapter as in what he does when Mathew, mash, and ritsuka are out or in his own singularity
Nope! Raphael explicitly stated that it wasn't the Morningstar. They aren't sure what it might be, but they know it's not that. As an Archangel often cast in opposition to Old Scratch, they know his playbook.
Oh, i was thinking of melek taus, the peacock angel who refused to bow down to humanity because God had mandated that the angels would bow to no one but Him. Thus Melek got granted an important role for following orders.
In turn later religions decided this was done out of pride and jealousy, thus melek was reborn onto lucifer.
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