In Which ‘Twas the Night Before Hot Mess
Blinktwice13
Underpaid Struggle Bus Attendant
- Location
- Eastern US
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I can't believe I managed this before my vacation. I'll be out of town for a week and a half, so I have done a lot of Overtime at work getting my coworkers trained up to handle my stuff. Very tired. Such exhaust. ...it took me like two years but I finally hit Christmas! ...yay?
Content notes: No real romance stuff, but I do touch a bit on Shotaro's past, Cu isn't squeaky-clean (surprise), and Gilgamesh is Himself. Also mild sexual humor in multiple parts.
________________________________________________________________________
'Twas the day before Christmas and I had no idea what that was.
Halloween? Some rehash of Samhain. Valentines? Something about pairing off and whatever.
Holidays hadn't been a core focus for me, and… Whomst the fuck is a Kenta-kun?
Is that related to Santa Claus???
"Mischief, no." Cu coughed, shoulders shaking. "That's, he's not. No."
I scowled. "Then what is he??? These old white people look the same!"
"Strictly speaking, you are a 'white people'," Mash pointed out. She sat primly in a large chair in the library, legs tucked under her. Her labcoat slung over the chair's back. She paged through a book - The Hound of the Baskervilles. Fou laid down on the arm of the chair like a tiny sphinx.
I shrugged. "Cu doesn't look like the rest. He has blue hair and red eyes! That's recognizable. What, am I supposed to differentiate by beard shape?"
"They're both mongrels, does it matter?"
Cu raised his eyebrows as Gilgamesh leaned over the back of the couch. He looked at the King of Heroes, then at me. Then back to Gilgamesh. A slow smirk crossed his face, but he wiped the expression clean when Gilgamesh turned his attention to him.
"Does Gilgamesh count as 'white people'? He's blond and pale as hell!"
"No, he's Middle-Eastern. 'White' here means a caucasian skin-color grouping and bone structure. Some from the area Gilgamesh lives in have paler skin, though that isn't the public image the Western world holds of them." Mash turned the page and didn't elaborate further.
"So Kenta-kun?" I prompted.
"Colonel Sanders. Founder and mascot of a fried chicken fast food chain. Gained traction in Japan when it was marketed as a holiday tradition and it kind of stuck. American in origin."
Gilgamesh nodded. "A mongrel."
"Ohhh. And Santa?"
"More complicated," Cu began. "So he goes around the world on Christmas Eve-"
"What, does he have Magic? Like actual Magic, not-"
"And he goes down chimneys into houses-"
I squinted. "...home invasion?"
"To leave gifts. Gifts if the occupants have been 'nice' and coal if they've been 'naughty'." Cu coughed again, eyes scrunched up.
"So some kind of judge? Well, coal's not too bad. It's a decent fuel, and I could use magecraft to make decent diamonds…" I mused.
"Given the terminology is 'nice' and 'naughty', the only humans he judges seem to be children." Gilgamesh nodded along, a too-contemplative look on his face.
Cu smiled with barely restrained delight. "Right, and the rest of the year he's at the North Pole-"
Gilgamesh and I glanced at each other.
"-where his elves make toys for the next year's trip."
"Elves? Like fairies?" I raised my eyebrows.
Fou covered his face with his paws.
"Here we go," Mash muttered.
"So he pays them, right?"
Cu paused.
"Right?"
Cu Chulainn raised a finger, mouth slightly open. "Uh."
Gilgamesh looked incredibly amused. "Go on, Lancer. Inform the inquiring mind."
"Are you saying this guy profits off of unpaid labor, and goes around and has the gall to dictate morality to children?" I scrunched my face up, rearing back.
"Well, he doesn't turn a profit - unless you count milk and cookies as prof-" Cu tried to cut in, shoulders shaking.
Mash twitched her finger through the air like a conductor's baton.
"Wait, milk and cookies from around the world? That's a recipe for diabetes! Not to mention a severe nutritional imbalance!"
Gilgamesh grinned, eyes glinting more and more as I got fired up.
Fou let out a moan and rolled over.
"I think you're taking this a bit too literally," Cu choked out, eyes starting to tear up.
"What is there to misunderstand!? Some hypocrite profits off of elves with indentured servitude - wait, do they even owe him? Are they en-"
The door to the library creaked open.
"We're almost ready to test the prosthetics," Da Vinci called from the entrance. "Also, I'll explain 'Santa Claus' in a manner that doesn't make him look like an exploitative member of the bourgeois with a breaking-and-entering fixation." She smiled. "Thank you, Cu Chulainn."
Mash continued to be very invested in her book. Fou rolled off of the chair and out of sight.
For whatever reason, Cu Chulainn and Gilgamesh broke down laughing.
I grunted and got to my feet, immediately stomping towards the door. "Alright Da Vinci, make this make sense or I find out if guillotines work at the North Pole!"
The last thing I heard was Mash mumbling: "Thank goodness Marie isn't around."
____________________________________________________________________________
"Here you go." The folder was set on the desk.
Roman smiled and nodded, dismissing the other man from his office. "Thank you, Meuniere. I can take it from here."
The blond magus gave a friendly nod in return. "Okay, Doc." He made it to the door before pausing in the entryway.
"Is there something else?" Roman prompted him, laying a folder on his desk.
"It's about Fu- Tohsaka, I mean." He adjusted his glasses, a sign of nerves.
Roman folded his hands. Giving Meuniere an expectant look, he remained silent - neither stopping the conversation nor urging it on.
"Is he alright?" The words pulled themselves out in a near-whisper, the tone surprisingly soft for such a stout man.
"How do you mean?"
"He had his throat slit." Meuniere stepped forward. "We all saw it. And while we didn't see what Kyrielight did to Celenike, we saw the aftereffects." The mage closed his eyes, brow furrowed. "I won't say she didn't have it coming. Her reputation spoke for itself, and that level of mental interference - Divine mental interference -" He cut himself off. "I don't know how they were able to move, let alone fight. She was a genuine threat."
"The Gorgon sisters protected Kirschtaria. From the after-action reports, Matthew managed to deal with the rest after his change." Roman lowered his hands. "But yes, I was also concerned. However, it appears that the healing-"
Meuniere let out a frustrated noise. "That's not what I mean."
Roman frowned.
"He's a kid." The coffins officer held up a hand, almost pleading. "He's been exposed to so much. Orleans - the sea-things, the colossus, Prelati? And in Septem, he saw all those people burned alive in Boudica's rampage. Seraphix had the entire staff mutated, to say nothing of the Dead Apostle."
"I understand your-"
"He almost died this time, Doctor! He's a child, he should never have had to deal with this!"
"No one should."
Meuniere paused.
"None of you should have had to deal with what's happening now, but we do. It happened, and all we can do is stop it." Roman closed his eyes. "I want to help him as well. But he hasn't gone to anyone. Kiara hasn't said he's made any appointments, and he hasn't spoken to me."
"That's not everyone, at least." Meuniere sighed. "Look, he's doing a great job. Whatever his methods, he's kept Kyrielight from turning on us - even to the point the little psycho unearthed Caspan's bullshit."
"From what I saw, you weren't one of the ones who advocated for the Servant Restrictions."
"No kidding." He pointed up.
Roman eyed the faint runes that adhered to the molding of the room.
"The entire base is his Workshop. He's a Caster. It doesn't take prophecy to see what'd happen if we pushed him hard enough." Jingle Abel Meuniere shook his head. "My main plan was to let Tohsaka handle him, and just keep my head down if things exploded till they blew over. See, I have this amazing superpower called 'basic pattern recognition'. It lets me see that the main times Kyrielight gets scary are when he's under threat. It also lets me see that when the people he's decided to care about - according to some alien criteria - are under threat, he goes full sicko mode."
Roman refrained from correcting him on the point of Matthew being a 'Caster'. With any luck, Da Vinci would get a full workup and find out what exactly Mash meant when she said 'he's hollow'.
Point being: everything else Meuniere said? Was fairly spot-on.
"You could try talking to him," Roman offered. "Ophelia had decent success. So did Kirscht-"
"One, Ophelia was Mash's friend first. Kyrielight, even at his worst, loved Mash. He wasn't going to break her heart like that. Two, Wodime is a top-tier magus, powerful, charismatic, and apparently batshit insane." Meuniere shivered. "I don't know how he got around a grudge like that, but he got Kyrielight from borderline-homicidal to badly-hidden tsundere in the span of a week. The best people skills I had were when I managed to land a Tinder date in Albany before I shipped out here."
Truthfully, Matthew's people skills weren't much better. "Then you and Matthew might have some common ground?" …open mouth, insert foot.
Meuniere stared. "Doc, I know Servants are durable enough to ignore the age-old advice, but us regular joes still shouldn't stick dick in crazy."
"...not what I meant." Roman grimaced, feeling much like he'd swallowed a badly-pickled egg. "As far as Ritsuka, I'll see what can be done. If nothing else, his father is on-site. He may be able to help? Or-"
"His sister's twelve. Honestly, if she hit the field more often I'd be getting heart palpitations." Meuniere's face was a study in stress.
"It will be looked into," Roman assured him. He felt somewhat relieved that Ritsuka seemed to be well-liked among the staff.
"Okay. That's all I wanted." The technician let out a long sigh. "...do you think I'd actually have a shot with Kyrielight?"
Roman stared. What audacity is this?
"What? It's been a while, and twinks are fine too! Though honestly, Astolfo-"
"...you're dismissed." Before he got back into his old habit of beheading.
____________________________________________________________________________
A couple days in, and he'd settled in fine. Got the lay of the land, the situation as it stood explained, got thoroughly reacquainted with Pat- it was a pretty sweet setup.
Now Achilles was wondering what to do for entertainment. There were quite a few pretty women, which was fine. Apparently the chef in the cafeteria was just this side of godlike. But what he wanted was a fight. A good, honest match.
He'd wandered by the gym - nobody. There was a simulator, but it was inactive.
"Augh. Where do I get a good bout around here…" Heracles would be amazing. Apparently the Monkey King was also always eager to prove himself - though from what Achilles knew, he might tend towards more annoying tactics if the tide turned. Not to mention the entire 'immortality' issue.
Cu Chulainn would make a good sparring partner, but that wasn't the same as a fight. No, he'd want the Hound of Ulster in one piece after. He'd liked what he'd seen out on those wide oceans. The man would make an excellent drinking buddy.
"Hrm." Achilles frowned. He hadn't met too many others that hadn't been in Okeanos. He and Caeneus would go too far and get the Masters involved, the swordswoman and serpent goddess were both strong but unable to land good blows through his skin, and that left Asterios - who was childlike enough at rest that Achilles felt a vague sense of discomfort challenging him - and the Kyrielights.
One was a protector, not a fighter. She'd spar, but no further.
The other was a barely-tamed gremlin. He might fight, or he might lead Achilles on a merry chase. Add in his hero-crush that the others alluded to, and that could get very complicated very quickly.
Achilles had his fill of 'complicated' at Troy. Here he just wanted to save the world, win amazing battles, and maybe woo a few women. The odd man too, perhaps.
So no, fighting the elder sibling was not on the table.
Achilles wandered the halls of Chaldea aimlessly, lost in his own thoughts.
"Are you looking for something?"
Achilles blinked, drawn from his reverie. He glanced down at the speaker, and smiled. "Maybe a bit of trouble, Master. Chaldea's surprisingly quiet."
Ritsuka grimaced. "It's not normal. I appreciate the break, but normally by now Nobunaga would have started something and set Okita off- or the French contingent would start bickering. Oh, and then there's Wukong." He shook his head. "But what sort of trouble? Please don't pick fights with anyone."
Well, it was a request and not an order at least. "Eh. My spear'll get dull if I sit around too much." He paused, reminiscing the bad old days where he sat in his tent, wrapped in blankets to avoid the sea-breeze. He'd only left to relieve himself and otherwise remained where he was. A time where his stubbornness defeated his boredom.
"If that's the case, we can run the simulator. We might need a high setting, but I've had to run it for exercise for Cu more than once - not to mention Siegfried and others wanting to keep sharp in case they're called on." Ritsuka nodded with a smile.
Achilles wisely (in his opinion) kept his 'walking the dog' joke to himself. It would win him few friends, even if it was a bit of comedic genius.
"It's rare to see you without your shadows," Achilles offered, beginning to walk again.
Ritsuka turned and matched his pace. "Mash wanted to take some time to herself for today in the library. Last I heard, Matthew went to go with her, but I think Cu tagged along to run interference so she could relax. Though I think Da Vinci went to fetch Matthew to work on a collaborative project of theirs…" Ritsuka trailed off, muttering to himself.
"Ah. So, I admit I haven't met most of your group. You and the noble are about it."
"Well, Hinako doesn't really socialize. Ever. She keeps to herself along with Xiang Yu, and only Matthew dares to bother her. There's a lot going on there that she hasn't deigned to share with the rest of us. Ophelia helps with administrative tasks some, but otherwise she stress-bakes fairly often. She's… sort of a reliable, cool older sister type? Calm and collected. Mostly."
Achilles hummed. "I see."
"Kadoc's pretty snarky. He seems tired most of the time, and can be a little prickly, but he'll have your back when it matters. And he's got a great sense of humor." Ritsuka rubbed the back of his neck. "And then there's Asako. My little sister."
…Ritsuka was already a kid. Maybe on the cusp of manhood, but definitely kid-adjacent. How much younger was a 'little sister'?
"She's my mother's heir. A talented mage in her own right, and-" Ritsuka fell quiet. "She's younger than I am, but handles all of this so much more easily. She's always the center of the room, and never stops moving. She's like the sun."
Achilles considered bringing up that she hadn't been in Okeanos - that she hadn't dealt with a hydra, a goddess, or having her throat cut by an ally. And, assuming that Ritsuka was the one who took point in every other Singularity, that was only the most recent on the list. He considered it.
"I mean, it's not like she has a murder-pixie on a leash. Or a paladin." That was the word, right? For a 'holy'-type knight?
"No, she has a Grand Magus and our father instead."
Ah. Right.
"I mean, he has three forge gods implanted in him, but-"
Amber eyes looked up, dulled of their shine. Empty consciousness.
…it would not be the first time he refused to go to war for something taken away.
"You mentioned that, yeah." Achilles considered for a moment, then dropped his hand on Ritsuka's head.
"E-eh?"
"Kid, you're doing fine. You go out, you do the job, you bring everyone home. Stop overthinking it." He ruffled the kid's hair.
"Ah. If… if you say so…" Ritsuka's eyes were downcast. "Sorry, sorry!" He raised his head, smile firmly in place. "I was supposed to find something fun for you to do, and instead I just ended up babbling about my problems. Sorry about that."
Achilles felt himself frown on reflex. "Oi." He lifted his hand and poked Ritsuka's forehead. Even as gentle as it was, the kid's head rocked backward a little. "If it's that big a deal, talking to someone might be for the best. You're not me, after all."
Ritsuka's smile faded a little. He looked more confused than anything.
"You're a person 'of this time'. You have strengths that are different than mine, and different weaknesses. Even if you have insecurities, even if you have flaws - that's okay. Hell, if you asked Pat for things I got wrong with me, he'd bust out some kind of chart. Doesn't make me any less awesome." Achilles smiled. "So even if you feel like you don't measure up to your sister, that's just where you stand. I'm pretty sure your Servants think otherwise."
"...please don't tell Matthew. He'd probably do something drastic."
"Sure. " Achilles privately disagreed. While it was obvious that brat was more fairy than human, he didn't have that much of a hair-trigger. "That said, do something for me?"
Ritsuka hummed curiously.
"Talk to someone who can help you with this stuff. I can talk you up easy just from our experiences at sea, but you might need more than that. And wounds on the inside can fester and rot just as badly as ones on the outside. That's what Pat told me." Achilles frowned. It was what happened after Patroclus died, too. He never recovered from that wound - Hektor, Penthesilea - he really showed the worst of himself. Honestly, it was a toss-up if it was Apollo's guidance or his own grief and rage that led Paris' arrow to his heel.
"Okay." Ritsuka glanced downwards, and his composure returned in full.
For a moment, Achilles considered asking after Shotaro. He'd been focused on Patroclus since they arrived, but… Achilles didn't 'do' apologies. He didn't walk back anything he did. His life was a shooting star, always illuminating and moving forward.
He still wanted to apologize to Shotaro.
"Oh, good. I found you."
Achilles and Ritsuka looked up.
Medea folded her arms under her chest with a somewhat perturbed look. "There's… a situation."
____________________________________________________________________________
"I don't have to do a thing."
Touko Aozaki could respect moxie. She could respect spine. However, when it was turned against her it became something of a nuisance.
Matthew twitched. His eyes narrowed, his smile became a rictus. "Oh?"
BB gave a careless shrug. "I mean, if you forgot about Lip's physique when designing those arms, I don't see how it's my problem."
Touko began to crave a cigarette.
"Okay look. If we put these-" Matthew cut himself off, gesturing at the arms laid on the table. They were slender, the ideal for a young lady. "Yeah, Passionlip's balance will be all off. As in, she will fall flat on her face. And maybe wrench her spine out."
"At least she has airbags to break her fall," BB cooed.
Da Vinci's eyelid began to twitch.
"So like, was there a reason you made her the way you did? With the hypersensitive nerve endings, the mammoth mammaries, the claws o' doom-"
"It was funny. Especially the boobs."
Touko made eye contact with Da Vinci. The other Caster gave a small shake of her head.
Damn. No box approval yet.
"...what if you made them variable boobs? Like, she can reduce and increase them at will? Oh, and add in a gravity field to draw things into her Breast Valley-"
BB held up a hand. "Nice try. I'll give it a six out of ten for trying to appeal to my sense of humor. Gigaboobs are peak comedy, but it's too close to being nice for my tastes." BB shrugged.
Touko observed the hamster-wheel inside Matthew's head begin to rattle with how hard he was thinking. Lugh gave a small yawn, looking up at her.
She shook her head. No, not yet. Violence was the last option. Tempting as it was to just run roughshod and force things into a shape she desired.
…now if Da Vinci left the room, then circumstances changed.
"I've brought reinforcements." Medea announced her arrival by pushing Ritsuka through the door.
Said teenager looked at the people, the table, and then at Matthew. "What did you do."
"This time, nothing I wasn't supposed to. Right, Da Vinci?" Matthew looked at his teacher for backup.
"It's true. The four of us - Medea, Touko, Matthew, and myself - have been working on these prosthetics for Passionlip and Meltryllis."
"Knew that. What's with BB?"
"These ants want me to modify poor Lip so she can use these arms." BB gave a cruel smile. "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to their request."
Ritsuka squinted.
"It means 'no'."
Matthew rubbed his chin. "I couldn't even get her to do it for the laughs. Honestly, I'm stumped."
"You could always bargain for it," Touko pointed out.
"HELL NO." BB stepped several paces from Matthew. "You're not getting me like that again, Tinker Bell! Passionlip's stuck as Magilla Gorilla with the Goodyear chest, and that's final!"
Ritsuka let out a soft sigh.
Touko looked up to see Achilles peer into the room with raised eyebrows. She'd only observed him from a distance during the War, so seeing him so close and not prone to violence was novel.
"Well as I see it, there are two options here." Ritsuka stepped forward with a too-calm smile.
…Touko found herself remembering that while Asako took after her mother for magecraft talent, she had formed her own persona for dealing with others. Bombast and confidence just this side of cockiness. Ritsuka? Ritsuka took after the sisters Tohsaka in other, more terrifying ways. Ways which Touko found herself appreciative of in the past.
"Yeah?" BB folded her arms under her chest, chin raised.
"One: you go along with it and we tell Hakuno-senpai it was your idea."
BB tilted her head. "You seem to think this will somehow benefit me."
"I mean, she has a soft spot for Melt and Lip. Being nice to them would earn you some serious points. She'd probably be inclined to spoil you a little." Ritsuka's smile didn't fade.
"Hm. That's… actually true. Hm. Hmmm. So what's the other option?" BB narrowed her eyes.
Ritsuka bared his teeth. "I go to Hakuno-senpai and ask her to intervene."
BB's jaw dropped.
"Would that work?" Matthew muttered.
"Oh, it's not like she'd break up with you or anything. But she'd be so disappointed. After all, you made the girls - you're responsible for them." Ritsuka's voice was soft, smooth. "Teasing is one thing, but this is something that could improve their lives. Hakuno-senpai would be so sad. Why, she'd need someone to comfort her through this emotional time. I'm sure Nero and Tamamo-"
"Fine," BB grit out. "Give me a time and place and we'll take option one."
"And of course, without any trickery. After all, if you get poor Passionlip's hopes up and then so cruelly dash them, then-"
"I get. The point." BB's shoulders went up to around her ears, and she gave a smoldering glare, even as her cheeks flushed.
Ritsuka's smile lost its edge and turned utterly serene, his eyes shut. "Wonderful. We understand one another. I'm so glad we had this talk, BB."
"Yeah. I'm thrilled." BB scowled and stomped through the door, Achilles leaning out of the way. "Grmbmurfl goody two-shoes secret sadist mrflgrb-"
Da Vinci gave a slow, steady clap. "Bravo, Ritsuka Tohsaka. Masterfully done." There was a note of surprise in her voice alongside the appreciation.
"...I thought you'd use a command seal," Medea admitted.
Touko snorted. "As though he needed it. Ritsuka might not be the mystic powerhouse Asako is, but if I had to contend with the idiots in the Clocktower he's the one I'd want heading negotiations."
Matthew grinned. "Yeah! Like how he got us our first ship by knocking Ber-whatsit's face in!"
"Bernard." Ritsuka raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised. You actually almost remembered his name."
"Who?"
"Aaand it's gone." Ritsuka shook his head. He glanced at Touko. "Aunt Touko, you're overselling my abilities. I had information I could use to push BB around safely, so I did."
"What do you think negotiating is? Information is half of the game there. It also requires a certain touch." Touko leaned back in her chair, arm on the table.
"Like a punch to the jaw!"
Ritsuka looked as he usually did in such situations. As though he craved the sweet release of death.
Touko shrugged. "Depending on how much of an advantage I have at the time, that works. If the board isn't set to my specifications, I arrange it as much as possible. This is true socially as well as with violence."
"I'm surprised she didn't lash out." Medea looked at Ritsuka, and despite her calm expression Touko saw the worry in her gaze.
(She was long practiced at picking up weaknesses. Even if she had developed some of her own.)
"She can't." Matthew fiddled with some small bits of metal, curling them into a ball. He folded a pellet of some sort into it, and smoothed it with his fingertips. A strange light flickered in his eyes.
Da Vinci gave him a sidelong look. "Really?"
"I banked on that, actually." Ritsuka's exasperation gave way to a tired fondness. "Because she's not allowed to hurt you, right?"
Matthew grinned. "Ex-ac-tly."
"Ritsuka was the one in danger," Medea said slowly.
"Yeah. And?" Matthew's smile was uncomprehending.
Ritsuka shook his head and walked over to Matthew before wrapping the fairy in a one-armed hug. He sighed. "Matthew?"
"Mhm?"
"Next time… can you just kill them instead of that whole temple of horrors thing? I'm still having nightmares."
Matthew flinched minutely. "I'll work on something for that. Well. Both. The nightmares and the uh, suffering over efficiency."
Ritsuka stepped back. "Just focus on the second one. I'll…" He hesitated. "Da Vinci, how would one get an appointment with Kiara?"
"I'd just check your schedule on your phone," Da Vinci offered. "At this point, she's probably penned you in already."
Matthew nodded rapidly. "Yeah, she just knows. Though there's some topics she doesn't know how to cover."
Touko felt a sense of foreboding.
Ritsuka narrowed his eyes. "Such as?"
Matthew shrugged. "I wasn't sure how to handle a situation emotionally, and she said she wasn't 'that kind of therapist'."
With foresight borne of experience, Touko stood and made for the door. Lugh, mirroring his master's instincts, leapt to her shoulder and rode.
"What sort of situation?" Medea asked suspiciously.
Touko did not make it out in time.
"Gilgamesh letting me fold him like a lawn chair?"
Touko picked up the speed at the sound of Da Vinci and Medea's incredulous shrieking. "When you're prepared for the procedure, seek me out," she called. "There isn't enough money or prestige in the world for me to contend with that conversation!"
Achilles, forgotten by all, let out booming laughter in her wake.
____________________________________________________________________________
Da Vinci sat in her atelier, results and images fanned before her on a desk.
It seemed any impending Christmas Crisis had been narrowly averted, if only just. Perhaps not intervening sooner was on her. Her apprentice was prone to misinterpretation at the best of times, and while Cu Chulainn may have gone in with good intentions he was still an ancient Celt. As in, one of the peoples who had (much of) their entire culture suppressed by Christianity - the religion which named the holiday. Which was, in turn, an appropriated winter festival. If Matthew took a wrong tack, then it was no skin off the Lancer's nose to be sure.
And on a related note - given the man had been that close without any harsh response - Gilgamesh. The genius rubbed her head with a drawn-out sigh. "Of the many ways I foresaw that situation resolving… well, that was certainly one of them."
And with more detail than she had ever desired.
So, two issues revolving around her apprentice that were resolved. Which left… too many.
Beryl, Morgan's agenda, Raziel's agenda, Raziel, Raziel's book, the purported 'hollow' that Mash described, possibly Raziel for a fourth time or function for good measure-
It said quite a bit that an angel whom Roman revealed was his mentor was more of an unknown and threat than the actual Fairy Queen whose entire existence in their timeline was based on deceit and outright villainy. Though, given she was from a parallel that would explain some things…
Da Vinci traced the rim of her coffee cup, eyes narrowed at the results of Matthew's latest checkup. Avalon was continuing to function - and what a fascinating surprise the identity of that anomaly had been - and had halted the degenerative process. Which led to the other issues.
Magic circuits could not be artificially enhanced in a human being. Attempts to do so through a bastardized version of sage arts had taken place, and ultimately failed. The top-class circuits had, as a result, suffered catastrophic damage. Avalon began the reversion process, but the circuits would likely take time to be as effective as they were. Despite the high output of energy, the retention was incredibly poor. To that end, high-end workings were possible in bursts but would result in exhaustion and unconsciousness. This had been repeated in Orleans, Septem, and Seraphix.
However: thanks to a brief snapshot of his spiritual makeup, Da Vinci could confidently say the same did not apply to Matthew's alternate form. Instead of circuits, something more resembling leylines were etched in his body. Or she should say, in addition. In the latest review of present and past records, the 'patterns' as she understood them had always been there - if suppressed. The transformation inverted them, allowing for more stamina and greater workings. That was the initial diagnosis.
And then there was the spiritual core.
As the tiny blond she had come to know and care for, it was relatively intact. As this was the baseline since his manifestation in Fuyuki (the first), she thought little of it at the time. However with this revelation, she began to see what Mash had discovered through external observation. The spiritual core was where Avalon was lodged.
When he transformed, it grew - and the hollow space enlarged. There, she could see the truth. Avalon-as-scabbard rattled around the void left behind, and the tattered edges became visible. Dripping black mana of an intensity and purity beyond compare, the 'possession' aspect of Possession Inheritance was visibly ripped out of Matthew.
To that end, Da Vinci came to this conclusion: Matthew had two sources of power. One was the body Morgan crafted for him, and used Avalon to stabilize. This suffered from stamina issues during combat, but had a failsafe in the artifact. The second was what Chaldea would have made of him, but the spirit was removed. This should have killed him outright, but Morgan interceded. In turn, it was also affected by Morgan - those 'patterns' were surely related to fairykind in some form or fashion, and whatever it was resembled the alterations made to Matthew in ways greater than superficial.
And then the angel had set up shop in the space between Avalon and everything else, first anchoring through Matthew's own hollow and then reinforcing it with the 'gift' of Sefer Raziel HaMalach.
If she never saw Roman fall apart like that again, it would be too soon. Small mercies that he found the time to do so in private.
I asked for wisdom. That was the answer. I gave my entire life, my being to the whispers of Elohim. Raziel is the one who inspired me in my creation of modern magecraft. I can't begin to explain what I feel, seeing that book again - and in Matthew's hands.
Well. At the current juncture, there was nothing actionable. She would have to wait and see.
With a flourish, she swept the papers to the side and splayed a new set.
To a one, each Master (who had submitted to exam), had changed.
At first blush, Kadoc's improvements could be attributed to influence from the Grand Duchess and her familiar. However, Da Vinci had another opinion. His family name, 'Zemlupus', his resistance to cold, his ability to find - or in this case, search and track. His own spells gained a depth and breadth - but his circuits remained the same. It was a condensation of years of experience in a matter of months.
Ophelia followed the same track. Surtr was an outside influence, but it seemed that the major influence was the strengthening of her eye. Thanks to the lens Matthew crafted, it was no more draining than before, but that was again due to outside influence. Once more, a deepening of her own craft.
Kirschtaria had only been awake for under a few weeks, but the leap in his performance could easily be attributed to his debilitating wounds being reversed by the Shroud of Healing. It was entirely possible he could experience a similar phenomenon, but at the moment Da Vinci assumed his circuits remained the same.
Hinako did not submit to examination.
Asako had not displayed any change Da Vinci could trace, but she did not put it past Morgan to influence her in some manner.
This left Ritsuka. He had undergone something which seemed to enlarge his circuits, which again, was not supposed to be possible. He resisted poison and curses, but that was an innate part of Mash's contract. Bits and pieces of her tutelage leaked from Matthew to him, but that could be explained as part of the Master-Servant bond, if an unconventional one.
Absentmindedly, Leonardo traced the pattern of circuits displayed on the readout. They trailed through his entire body, and she could swear that they were even larger than the post-Seraphix exam. And yet they didn't seem to take up any more space, almost as though they were folded over. Or-
Her finger stopped its movement.
There. On the left hip. A small bit of space between circuits where there was none before. As though… as though there were more.
Da Vinci snatched the paper up and strode to an arcane-looking device. On first pass, it could easily be mistaken for a photocopier. Which, it was - but the information it could glean wasn't only physical.
She slid the image in, closing the lid. As she turned to a connected monitor, she observed the picture load in. With rapid keystrokes, she set a few programs to run.
It was the work of minutes, letting the algorithms do their work. Bars loaded, wheels spun. Bit by bit until- there! Oh.
Oh.
Overlap.
The image repeated, again and again and again. Each with a normal set of magical circuits. Some were high quality - the base ones he had were incredible. Others were of lower quality, barely worthy of the title 'mage'. Some were even better than the originals.
Overlapping magic circuits, somehow in the same space, all accessible by Ritsuka Tohsaka.
The puzzle piece fell in. The image came clear.
Zelretch's interest in him as a small child. The memories of past Grail Wars for multiple summonings - Emiya, Cu Chulainn, Gilgamesh, Medusa, Medea-
The ability to fuel Matthew at his most insane, and support Mash's newfound powers alongside her original ones. The ability to field multiple Servants with low effort, even before linking to Chaldea.
Zelretch interfering now. Perhaps, even to a degree, the transfer of consciousness from Servant vessel to Servant vessel in pre-existing incarnations during Rayshift.
(Merlin's illusions could only do so much, and she wasn't sure that was part of it.)
"Oh. Oh Madonna santa." She raised her hand to the monitor, jerking it back. "...how do I proceed from here?" she whispered.
____________________________________________________________________________
Merlin let out a low whistle. "Huh. Looks like my charade is up. Or not." He smiled. "After all, he still needs a bit of direction. Can't leave everything to his subconscious."
Morgan gave him a severe look. "Dare I ask what you're talking about?"
Merlin closed his eyes. "Oh, just the ramblings of an old vagabond of paradise."
…someone who stood outside of stories. Someone who would meddle for a happy ending.
"I wonder, though… when will he find out?"
____________________________________________________________________________
"At this rate, everyone's going to know."
He narrowed his eyes. "And? Why should it matter what the rabble thinks?"
Cu Chulainn shrugged. "Some would. I just don't want any judgment falling back on Mischief."
"I am the King." Gilgamesh swirled the wine in his glass. "There is no shame in my body, nor in anything I choose to do with it. I will take whoever I desire to my bed, however I desire them. If this causes mongrels to forget themselves, then it is the duty of the King to remind them."
"Yeah… that doesn't make me less worried." The Lancer tilted the bottle back, swallowing beer. He leaned back on the loveseat.
"Hmph. While you are as insolent as ever, it is no more than usual. You have nothing to fear, and neither does my craftsman."
The other man raised an eyebrow. "There's some implications in that statement."
"You are the guard dog assigned to the artisan's welfare. Duties and rewards go hand-in-hand." Gilgamesh sipped at his glass, savoring the full-bodied taste. Sweetness and bite alike flooded his mouth.
"I figured that was you not butting in where Mischief and I were concerned. Also the booze," he amended. "...I still have no idea how you got your hands on it. The pantry barely had cooking alcohol for that Archer to make use of."
Gilgamesh smiled to himself. "Let us say that I did not expect this manner of character from you. My experience led me to believe you were a slavering warhound and little more."
Red eyes narrowed at him. "Uh huh. Keep up the dog comparisons. Go on ahead."
"Hm." The amusement wasn't worth the annoyance afterwards. "Tell me. Your… engagement with the mother of your son. How did he take it?"
"I told him it wouldn't happen again." Cu Chulainn shrugged. "Might have worded it a bit more emotionally."
Gilgamesh gave a dark chuckle. "How much of your wooing was under such pretense? I will admit to my own missteps, but I never claimed to be anything but what I am."
He let his head loll back, eyes still on the King. "Originally, I just seduced him to keep a closer eye on him." His eyes shut. "I underestimated him."
An interesting admission. Gilgamesh had wanted him for the same reason he wanted anything. There was something of value, and thus it was his. If it was not, it was to be. No more, no less.
"It was around the time I realized he needed me. I've lain down with countless women, multiple men. Those whose names and faces I remember - they had their own strength. Ferdiad was companion, rival, friend, and enemy all in one. Emer was sharp of wit, a master of the dance of court. My teacher needs no explanation."
No. No, she did not. Gilgamesh took a swallow of wine with a grimace.
Cu Chulainn gave a soft laugh. "I wonder how her bout with the Monkey would have gone if his warden hadn't intervened." He gave the King a considering look. "She would not face Aife directly for want of choice, and I only won through trickery."
"Bold to admit it." Gilgamesh allowed some of his surprise to show.
"It was a victory of guile. Or a desperate last-minute gambit." Cu huffed out a laugh and sat back up. He drank more beer. "But… none of them, nor any friends, nor any enemies. None of them had that fragility to them. Or if they did, they never showed it to me."
"None?" Gilgamesh blinked, leaning on an elbow, bracing against the back of the loveseat. "Not even your own wife?"
Siduri straddled that line as well - professional and personal. It came with being a priestess of one of his most dire enemies. Even the oaths of the marriage bed only went so far. Only one person had given him their heart so - and he reciprocated.
"Emer… somewhat. I think she was so deep in her own dances in court that she barely knew how to take her mask off. Even as the lady of my own castle, she had her walls." Cu Chulainn stared at the bottle. "Only twice she bade me stay by her side. I denied her both times."
Gilgamesh hummed. "I noticed a name missing."
The air was heavy with portent.
"You didn't." Red eyes fixed on him through lashes so blue they were black.
"He's hardly your first fairy."
"He's the first who didn't try to put me in a cage." Cu Chulainn set the bottle on the table. He gazed at Gilgamesh. "Manannan did me a kindness in setting his cloak between that woman and I. I wished to go home, and it was only Emer and her maids coming to my rescue that made it possible. She bound me in geasa after geasa, set me against her enemies until none remained. And yet - she wanted to keep me. As though I was some pet," he spat.
Gilgamesh hummed. "She lived?"
"I drank the potion to forget. I only 'know' because the story is bound into my legend. All I remember is that I got home and had some years more with Emer and Laeg." He shook his head. "It's not something I'd burden Matthew with." A note of warning entered his tone.
"Hmph. I would tell him, if only to see that bleak majesty turned against one of his mother's court. The devastation would be breathtaking." Gilgamesh gave a taunting smile. "Assuming your wife didn't commit the deed instead."
Cu's whipped around to face Gilgamesh, hair snapping the air behind him like a whip. "No." He bared his teeth. The pointed eyeteeth were on full display, a promise of violence. "That form is as much 'him' as my god-rages were 'me'. It isn't something for you to amuse yourself with."
"Hm. Hmhm. Fuahahahaha!" Gilgamesh threw his head back, laughter spilling from his mouth. Peal after peal rang out, mirth bubbling like a spring. "Ah, naive! So naive!" He shook his head. "Your battle-rage is a weapon alone, madness clouding friend and foe. The only resemblance between the two is that it unbinds limits placed upon the two of you. He forsakes his humanity but for the smallest margin, and becomes something else entirely. The doubt and confusion that shackles him falls away. He is a being of 'love'. The only stricture that binds him in that state is the bond of his own heart."
Cu Chulainn's expression closed off. He stood straight, eyes gazing down on the King.
Gilgamesh set his glass down. With his other hand, he tapped a finger against his temple. "Tell me this, Hound of Ulster. Something like that. Someone of that nature. Can you still claim to love them? Sacred and profane, wicked and divine. Such boundaries are innately human in nature. To that being, only love and its absence matter. All other considerations are in relation to his purpose."
The King stood. He was a touch shorter, but the Lancer felt so small before him. Such was the fate of all men before the King.
"And what purpose is that?" Cu Chulainn stared him down. The man did not lack for valor; Gilgamesh would give him that.
"Why, what else?" Gilgamesh smiled once more, reveling in the knowledge.
Cu Chulainn stepped forward.
"To love and be loved. To care and be cared for." Gilgamesh showed his own teeth. "And how fortunate that the mongrel known as Animusphere instilled a hatred of cages in him - both as prisoner and warden."
They stared at each other for heartbeat after heartbeat. Nothing was said. Nothing could be said. Nothing needed to be said.
They were not lovers. They were not friends. They simply both desired the same person, and each would permit the other their own bond. They would share a bed in convenience, but the likelihood of anything solid manifesting between them alone was less than nil.
Cu Chulainn slowly nodded, understanding.
Gilgamesh returned the gesture.
Ireland's Child of Light turned his back to the King, and saw himself out and away from the chamber.
They had their alliance.
____________________________________________________________________________
"Your father seems lucid today." Mother gave him a sad half-smile. "Maybe you two can do something together while I work with Asako?" The half-drowned hope was palpable in her voice.
"Maybe," Ritsuka agreed. "I'll. I'll try."
She took his hand. "I'll see if Touko and Sakura can make time to visit. It isn't fair, I know. All I can do is thank you for your patience. Asako will be able to self-study in a year or so, and-" She cut herself off. "I'll take you on a trip. How about Onibokora? You loved it as a child. Or we can go out of the country. Just us."
"Lost in thought?"
Ritsuka's hands stilled, stopping the whisking. "Y-yes. Sorry." He smiled.
Emiya gently took the bowl away. "It's uniform." He frowned a little. "How are you?"
Ritsuka straightened his shoulders. "I'm fine," he said reflexively.
"Are you now." Emiya set the bowl down and folded his arms. "You took a real hit in Okeanos. Reactions were…" he trailed off, eyes closed. "Hm. We were worried."
"I'm sorry. I'll do better next time."
An eye opened. "How? There was little anyone could have done. Given the Gorgon Sisters' ability to blunt Aphrodite's Authority, we assumed it would take Kirschtaria ferrying them to you in order to fight Celenike in a meaningful way. No one expected Matthew to cast his humanity aside."
Ritsuka looked away, flinching.
"Your father almost immolated the command room. He demanded we send him through, but we had neither the time nor resources." Emiya's voice was just to the side of acerbic. "He only stopped when your Caster wiped your wound away like a drawing in the sand. Even so, we've had to ensure he and Medea aren't alone in the same area."
"It wasn't her fault!" Ritsuka turned back to Emiya, eyes wide. "She was controlled by-"
"I'm aware." Shotaro's voice was low and dark. "Unfortunately, I do not care."
Ritsuka turned to the kitchen door.
Shotaro strode forward, expression pinched. "Ritsuka. She slit your throat. Does that not concern you?"
Confusion flooded him. "Of course it does, but it's not something she would normally do. It won't happen again. Why would I blame her for an enemy's actions?"
Emiya sighed. "A bit of self-preservation would be welcome."
"I'm not running headlong into danger at the drop of a hat," Ritsuka snapped. "All I'm saying is that I'm not blaming the instrument for the hand that held it."
"You are my child. I just got you back, I won't lose you-" Shotaro's eyes burned with an inner flame, illuminating the gold with a ferocity Ritsuka had never seen. "Again. I won't lose you again." He reached out, jerking his hand to a halt before touching Ritsuka. He drew it back, balling it into a fist at his side.
"Mind control does complicate things," Emiya interjected. "But to be utterly unwary is not a normal reaction. That is our concern."
"I'm going to talk to Kiara. I have an appointment." Ritsuka glanced at Emiya before stepping towards Shotaro. "But I'm fine."
Eyes so much like Asako's met his. Eyes he was so used to seeing cloud with distance and emptiness.
His father was here.
"I have to be fine," Ritsuka admitted. "So I- I need help. To be okay."
"Hm. Better the Bodhisattva than your Servants." Emiya grunted, turning away. "Mash would support you, but she lacks the experience to truly help you."
He didn't talk about Matthew. He didn't need to.
"Of course, neither of us are bastions of mental health ourselves. Sorry, kid. It's the shrink for you." Emiya's wry smirk soothed some of the tension in the room.
"Tragic," Shotaro muttered dryly.
Ritsuka coughed, forcing a giggle back into his throat.
"I am a terrible influence." Emiya shook his head, leaning back against the counter.
Finally, finally his father smiled. His fist went slack. "And yet here we are."
On impulse, Ritsuka hugged the man. Shotaro went stiff for a moment, then relaxed. Arms circled him in with a firm squeeze, and Ritsuka buried his face in the shoulder of Shotaro's kimono. They stood there for a long moment.
It was nostalgic, almost. When Ritsuka was small, before he touched the Moonlit World, Shotaro would hold him for what felt like an age. His strong, kind father who made beautiful ornaments of glass, metal, and jewels. Who would sit with him and quietly whisper how he bent and burnt the inflexible into shape, with precision, tenderness, and strength alike.
He hadn't been old enough to appreciate it. He was now old enough to regret it. The time stolen from them. Part of him wanted to look to the future, the fading embers of his childhood as he became a man - the last guttering sparks of being his father's child before he was on his own. Of being his mother's child before he took his own place on the road.
The ties would never be severed. There would always be love there. But he still resented it - the loss of his family to a war from before he was even born.
"Alright. So what are we making?" Shotaro let one arm fall, but left one around Ritsuka's shoulder - a quiet invitation to stay close, but permission to move away as well.
Ritsuka turned around, facing Emiya. Rather than enfolded in his father's embrace, he remained under his arm.
Emiya's lips twitched in what Ritsuka knew to be an aborted smile. He had a reputation, after all. "Well, we were starting batter for Christmas sweets. Though given the population boom, we might need more than the three of us."
Ritsuka perked up. "Ophelia likes making sweets. She'd help."
"Mm. Tamamo-no-Mae is no slouch in the kitchen as well, apparently…" Emiya murmured almost to himself.
"Well, we can ask them for assistance in a little while." Shotaro smiled. "Right now I'd rather spend time with my family."
Emiya stood-
"Which includes you, nii-san."
And promptly turned scarlet. He blinked rapidly, and though his mouth remained shut Ritsuka saw his jaw move behind his lips ever so slightly. Finally, he said: "You are at least half a decade my senior."
"I'm not sure. You do exude a powerful 'big brother' energy," Ritsuka mused.
Emiya spun on his heel and immediately began to fiddle with whatever was on the counter.
Shotaro made eye contact with Ritsuka.
Cheer and laughter bubbled up from Ritsuka's chest, spilling out as he leaned on his father.
Shotaro simply smiled, eyes crinkling in amusement and affection. He let out a soft huff through his nose. "Well. Best help your uncle, hm?"
"You stop that."
Ritsuka smiled - his mother's smile. "But Shirou-jii~"
The Archer shot a look that was equal parts irritation, mortification, and affection. "So this is the result of Rin Tohsaka spawning. Truly, the darkest timeline."
"And you will simply have to live with it. Truly your greatest trial." Shotaro stepped forward, opening a cabinet.
Ritsuka let himself fall into the playful banter, a weight lifting from his chest.
____________________________________________________________________________
Asako hesitated outside of the kitchen. It had been too long since she saw her brother smile like that. The cares of his position, everything he'd endured…
Even if he was the elder, she was the heir. She had a duty to his happiness and safety as much as he did hers. That was something her mother drilled into her head.
Mash, Matthew, their father- even his compatriots had taken on that role in ways she hadn't. Ways she couldn't. He kept looking out for her, but how could she do the same? What was the point of having her power, of everything she'd been given - if none of it could protect the people she cared about?
"Gmf."
She jerked, looking down.
The 'massive' form now stood at height with her kneecap, antlers not even reaching her skirt.
Slowly, she nodded. "Right. You're right, Bootleg Totoro-san. I should leave them be."
"Gmmf."
She puffed up. "Well maybe if you could talk, I would know your actual name!" she hissed, ushering the tiny furry thing away from the kitchen. She paused and looked back.
Ritsuka laughed, openly and freely, leaning into Emiya's space without hesitation. The Archer leaned back with a playfully put-upon expression. Their father shook his head and kept toiling away without looking up.
Asako could only give the smallest smile.
____________________________________________________________________________
Shotaro rolled his shoulders, wandering back to his room. It was nice, cooking with Ritsuka and Emiya. Putting together meals and snacks, making things for other people. It was something he could share with them. Some form of 'togetherness' after so long alone.
He'd need to spend some time with Asako as well, but they didn't have something like that to tie them together. Mostly he tagged along in her lessons or when she wanted to watch some movie and smiled and nodded. It seemed to work, and it wasn't as though they were unable to connect and converse.
What to do, though? It was almost Christmas. He himself wasn't Christian, and neither was Rin despite her association with the Church in Fuyuki. He wasn't above giving his children gifts, however - especially after years of his present-absence. Perhaps he could create something for them…
Shotaro stopped.
Leaning against the wall as though he'd been there for hours, staring down the door to his bedroom-
"You're gonna get out of here, kid. I promise."
He didn't dwell on what Einzbern had put him through. He avoided Illyasviel out of personal courtesy, and she accepted that. He wouldn't hold her responsible, but her resemblance to the man who lamed and cursed him was still a strain.
But- "Rider."
The green-haired man bolted upright, eyes wide on seeing him. "...kid."
Shotaro smiled, laughing a little. "I haven't been a 'kid' for some time now."
But. There was one light from that darkness.
Hm. What's a good story… ah! Wanna hear about the time I tried to hide from Odysseus? …wait. Nevermind. That story is awful. The worst. Forget I mentioned it.
"You've grown." Rider's voice was low. "You're a man now. Almost old, even."
"I am." Shotaro's smile gentled.
Hey. Promise me something - you're a good kid. Promise you'll go marry a pretty girl, have some kids, and die of old age. Love them like you're never gonna see them again every day. And, well. This part isn't a promise. Just try not to hate me, okay?
"I haven't kept my promise very well," he admitted. "I tried. I really tried, Rider."
Rider's expression crumpled. "Kid…"
"I lived in a fog for so long. It got to the point that whenever I so much as saw a gem, I faded away." Shotaro rubbed the back of his head. "But I never hated you, at least. Not then, and not now. I remember, now."
"Yeah, well. I didn't keep my promise at all. I didn't get you out of there. Didn't take out my Master, didn't get you the Grail to fix your leg. All I did… all I did was sit on my ass and let that Assassin do as she would." Rider's gaze sharpened. "All I did to protect you was kill her when her poison started to cloud the air. Stopped it before it got to you."
"And that was enough." Shotaro stepped forward.
"Was it?" Rider muttered.
"If my kids can forgive me for being there in body and not in mind because of my shortcomings, I can forgive you the same."
"A curse isn't a shortcoming, kid. It's an affliction." Rider's smile was wry.
"Oi. Who are you?" Shotaro stepped forward again.
Rider blinked. "Huh?"
"You're supposed to say 'I don't have shortcomings'. Not agree with me. Rider always knew he was the best, without exception." Shotaro lifted his chin. "So who are you, stranger?"
Rider stared. For a moment, he just breathed. Then-
Then he laughed.
"Ha! Hahahaha!" An audacious grin shattered his previous hesitance. "Mouthy as ever, huh? Kid."
"I'm older than you were when you died," Shotaro shot back. "And I'm perfectly polite to other people!"
"Oh sure, sure. I believe you. Heh, your son's manners probably come from his mother."
"Trust me, if he acted like his mother around you? You wouldn't say that."
Achilles grimaced. "What harpy did you land, then!?"
"Rin is a beautiful woman, body and soul. She is also an elite and doesn't suffer fools." Shotaro folded his arms. His smile turned to an easy grin. "Though she has her cuter side, too."
"Like you?" Achilles reappeared centimeters away, his movement unseen.
"Oi. I'm married. You stop that." Shotaro jabbed Achilles in the chest with his finger.
"Fine," Achilles opined. "I meant what I said back then, though. If you were born in my time, I would have kept you all to myself and Pat." He smirked.
Shotaro shook his head. "Sure, Rider."
Achilles gave a carefree shrug, but he paused once more. "So… we're alright, then?"
The apology hovered under the surface.
"Of course we are." Shotaro's smile softened once more. "You're my hero, after all."
Achilles went scarlet, spine ramrod straight. "O-oi! You're a grown man, you can't say things like that with a straight face!"
Shotaro's shoulders shook. He stared at the other man, jaw twitching. He held it in, and in, and in, until: "H…ha…hahaha!"
Relief flickered across Achilles' face.
Then: "Pff- hahahaha!"
The two laughed, trying to stifle their emotions. Hilarity. Affection. Relief. Friendship. Whatever had passed between them, whatever lay ahead- it was going to be alright.
"It is late." A streak of gold hit the back of Achilles' head. "People are trying to sleep."
Achilles squawked as Lugh let out an outraged hiss, gnawing on his head to no real avail.
Shotaro just laughed harder.
____________________________________________________________________________
I set the second outfit down and wiped my forehead. "Okay!"
Mash placed a finger in her book. "So you plan on… what, exactly?" She remained curled in a chair I had moved into my workshop.
I grinned. "So, Da Vinci said there had to be a 'Santa' but not any other rules. I looked up some holiday traditions from our part of the world."
Two outfits lay side by side. A red 'suit', such as it was, and a set of green tights. The jingling bell I had bent together was attached to a floppy green hat. The red was trimmed with white fur, and came with black boots. And next to it all was a massive white sheet.
"So where do I come in?" Cu Chulainn pointed at himself.
I pointed at the Santa 'outfit'.
He picked up the pants. "Okay. Suspenders and pants, black boots, a coat, and a hat." He squinted. "Where's the shirt?"
"What shirt?" I grinned wider.
"I talked him out of the booty shorts." Mash gave Cu a meaningful look.
Cu placed his hands together and bowed. "You have my thanks."
"You're welcome." She gave a sunny smile.
She didn't mention that the booty shorts were made, but would be applied in private. And un-applied. Removed. Whatever. Hehe.
I twitched as Fou sat down on the table.
"Okay. I can't help but notice this is a fairly skintight outfit." Cu gave me a knowing look as he lifted a green sleeve.
"Oh, if we do this right nobody will see the outfits. So the tradition is called Mari Lwyd." I folded my arms. "Essentially, we carry a hobby-horse around - a horse skull on a stick, draped with a white cloth. Then we should, theoretically, go sing at people until they give us food or presents or something to shut up."
"Like a beating?" Cu raised his eyebrows.
"Not that, but honestly I can see Nobbu or Bradamante taking a pot-shot." I shrugged.
"Okay. So there's the cloth. Where's the stick?"
Mash gave him another meaningful look.
An expression of tired understanding crossed his face. "Ah." Gae Bolg spun into existence, twirling between his skilled fingers. "...so we're hiding under a sheet propped up by my Noble Phantasm."
"It gets worse," Mash chirped.
Cu gave me a flat look.
"You forgot to ask about the 'head'!" I added in a voice like my sister's.
His eyelid twitched. "Hah?"
A blur of gold later, and Fou perched on the tip of Gae Bolg. "Fou fou!"
Cu stared at Fou. Slowly, he turned to me.
I held up a hand, its back facing him. With a flex of my fingers, three sets of leaves and berries appeared in the gaps. "We're gonna liven Christmas up a bit."
There was a moment of silence.
"Mischief, what the hell."
"Don't worry! The enchantment will expire upon 'a sign of affection', not just a kiss! So it'll be as simple as holding a hand, or a hug, or even a fond word."
"It was Fou's idea," Mash added. She paused. "I honestly don't know why he called in his favor on my behalf." A severe look crossed her face. "Senpai will hold my hand for Christmas. This is fate."
"Holding hands in public. How daring," Cu Chulainn drawled.
"She's a real freak. Gets it from me, y'know." I nodded sagely.
Cu nodded, then paused. "Wait."
I tilted my head.
"What do you owe Fou for? Does he understand 'owing'?" Cu's brow furrowed in confusion.
"Um." I felt my cheeks heat up.
"So Fou was laying on the floor for once," Mash began. "Matthew lightly nudged him with his foot, and…"
"FoOoOuuuUUUUU"
"Please stop," I grit out.
"What was that?" Cu stared at me.
I stared back. "You KICK Fou? You kick his body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for Matthew! Jail for Matthew for One Thousand Years!"
"So because you nudged him with your foot so you wouldn't trip, now we're going to be a portable cursed mistletoe tower?" Cu's eyebrow twitched.
Fou sneezed.
"We're also going to be trapped in close quarters under a bedsheet in rather revealing outfits."
"Advanced level degeneracy." Mash nodded in understanding.
"I'll show you 'degenerate' once we retire for the evening after," Cu growled. He looked me up and down. "Count yourself lucky if I don't get the girls and His Nibs to pass you around like a pipe."
"...why are you threatening me with a good time?" I tilted my head.
"Keep it up and I'll see if I can get the myrmidons too!" Cu shook his fist at me.
"Nail me to the wall, why don't you?"
"Too advanced. Too advanced!" Mash picked her book up and crammed her face into the pages.
Fou sneezed again.
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The small child held onto the top of the tree.
"Yep, yep! Perfection. Any good Christmas Tree needs a star to top it, of course, Woof!"
Blue eyes gazed down; a golden scarf fluttered in an imaginary breeze.
"'Tis the season for fried chicken, couples, and cake! How nice of someone to do all the prep work - now all that's left is the Cat's work!"
"I… do not… understand?"
Gold eyes glanced up. "Just sit there and be cute, Woof. I'll send up cookies."
"Oh. Alright, then." The small boy gave a cherubic smile.
"Perfect, woof!"
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Ride of the Mari 'Fou'd!
____________________________________________________________________________Ride of the Mari 'Fou'd!
"It's Christmastime, Ladies! Time to go visit family!"
"Woo."
"Finally."
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