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Harry Potter and the Skittering Spouse

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Fencer said:
Ehhh don't take this the wrong way but "whatever works best for me" isn't really what I'm looking for when I ask for a lore check. Like my planned ending for Archer? That's a "this is how I'm interpreting the powers in question work and you will accept it" moment. This is "I have three options that could all work equally well and I'm not to bothered one way or another so let me bounce the question off the audience to see what they shake loose."
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I can't remember the interview but iws was a perfect skeleton because it was the cheapest laziest way to do it. I like HP but this the most minor of the many many plotholes in the books and movies.

If you want to be internally consistent and make sense then most of the body should in intact. A poison sac might have sprung a leak, but most of the body should be fine. Nevermind the magic, the poison that is apart of it as by legend it's blood is as poisonous as anything else any from bacteria up would die trying to eat it.
 
Actually, I would expect the venom sacs to be the last thing to rot.

Anything that can contain that venom must be far beyond any form of durable we see in Canon, since the venom even destroys magic.

Honestly, tanning the sacs and using them as armour should give you the best protection.
 
The basilisk is a manufactured creature, useing unnatural dark magics invented by Herpo the Foul (I think?) To create the perfect weapon only usable by parselmouths.

I think it can go one of two ways, the body quickly degrades cause it's no longer supported by magic, or it hardly degrades at all because it's unnaturalness prevents normal decay. Both could be desired outcomes, one protects secrets of the wizard, the other allows harvesting of powerful reagents. I'm spitballing though so it depends ultimately on what the author wants.

In all honesty I've read to much fanfiction to remember the details so I might be incredibly wrong!
 
There's always the middle ground: the beast stays perfectly preserved for a period of time before rapidly degrading into a mostly-useless skeleton once the magic breaks. That way ingredients can be harvested while also protecting the secrets and ensuring only a friendly can get said ingredients.
 
Admiral Kol said:
Fairly common fannon that likes to deal with that subject usually rules that basilisk venom is deadly even to bacteria so it doesn't decompose easily. Of course, they then often have the meat being sold for consumption to the goblins so take that with a HUGE pinch of salt (as in, enough to preserve that basilisk).
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It could be like fugu for goblins.
If not prepared perfectly it is extremely poisonous, but can be a delicacy if prepared just right.
 
…. Alright new plan. The corpse of the great rudy snake was discovered by whatever species of magical pestilence may or may not reside within Hogwarts and has become food source / breeding ground. They have put a dent in but not devoured the corpse and Taylor is going to be stunned at the swarm she's going to discover.
 
Fencer said:
…. Alright new plan. The corpse of the great rudy snake was discovered by whatever species of magical pestilence may or may not reside within Hogwarts and has become food source / breeding ground. They have put a dent in but not devoured the corpse and Taylor is going to be stunned at the swarm she's going to discover.
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Well, the most common magical pest in Hogwarts would be doxies, which would be extremely useful to Taylor. I don't know if they'd devour a basilisk but they aren't herbivores so this might work. Taylor controlling swarms of doxies has been done before in other fics, so there's precedent.

There aren't many good candidates for pests that could eat or breed in a basilisk. You might as well make something up.

Or you could go into another direction entirely and Taylor will find a mold or fungus covering the corpse that has useful properties? Either for potions or to feed a swarm? Perhaps that would be a way to turn ordinary insects and spiders into new, magical forms?

Acromantulas are pretty much the most dangerous beast Taylor can control (I hope) but they are a bit big for inside work. So giving her access to something more practical might be necessary. A doxy or pixie isn't going to be subtle despite their smaller size.
 
Fencer said:
…. Alright new plan. The corpse of the great rudy snake was discovered by whatever species of magical pestilence may or may not reside within Hogwarts and has become food source / breeding ground. They have put a dent in but not devoured the corpse and Taylor is going to be stunned at the swarm she's going to discover.
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I suppose that's a valid plan, but does Taylor really need more potential things to control? The Acromantula colony is already going to be borderline overkill as is, them being so damn large is probably the only reason it won't be completely overkill. But if that's what you want to do, more power to you.
 
Windborne said:
I suppose that's a valid plan, but does Taylor really need more potential things to control? The Acromantula colony is already going to be borderline overkill as is, them being so damn large is probably the only reason it won't be completely overkill. But if that's what you want to do, more power to you.
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Need is a funny term. Acromantula are a variety of sizes, ankle biter up to car. And in a forest the smaller ones would make pretty good ambush predators. On an open battlefield the large ones would make amazing shock troops or possibly tanks. They are not particularly in line with Taylor's usual tactics. Swarms of small fliers to obscure vision, venomous insects to bite and sting, jamming bugs in eyes and ears an noses. Taylor didn't get as far as she did by being a one trick pony and just because she's going to get a hammer is no reason to not pick up some knives. And guns. And poison. And venom. And anything else she can think of a use for.
 
Fencer said:
Need is a funny term. Acromantula are a variety of sizes, ankle biter up to car. And in a forest the smaller ones would make pretty good ambush predators. On an open battlefield the large ones would make amazing shock troops or possibly tanks. They are not particularly in line with Taylor's usual tactics. Swarms of small fliers to obscure vision, venomous insects to bite and sting, jamming bugs in eyes and ears an noses. Taylor didn't get as far as she did by being a one trick pony and just because she's going to get a hammer is no reason to not pick up some knives. And guns. And poison. And venom. And anything else she can think of a use for.
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house elves riding giant acromantulas armored in their own webbings with dragonhide layers on top. giant spiders with wooden platforms on their backs for house elves to stand and fire en mass and to mount heavy muggle weapons and artillery.
 
tri2 said:
house elves riding giant acromantulas armored in their own webbings with dragonhide layers on top. giant spiders with wooden platforms on their backs for house elves to stand and fire en mass and to mount heavy muggle weapons and artillery.
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…….. I really need to do something with the house elves, but honestly teleporting assassins would just murder the fic in the cradle. If Taylor could just hand Dobby a bomb pat him on the head and say go the story is literally over. Because even if she has to break into a military base to get it a human sized chunk of C4 would be…. Let's just go with devastating, and that's before someone gets cute with shrinking charms to let the elf transport a full crate.
 
Fencer said:
…….. I really need to do something with the house elves, but honestly teleporting assassins would just murder the fic in the cradle. If Taylor could just hand Dobby a bomb pat him on the head and say go the story is literally over. Because even if she has to break into a military base to get it a human sized chunk of C4 would be…. Let's just go with devastating, and that's before someone gets cute with shrinking charms to let the elf transport a full crate.
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.....pirate ship like platform on back of spiders, shrinking charms on everything inside so dozens of tiny cannons pointing out of tiny portholes, elves snap fingers when firing cannons so the cannonballs leaving instantly return to normal size right after leaving the barrels. like one piece capone bege style.

plus with taylor's experience with oni lee, you really think she would not immediately think of teleporting assassin when seeing teleporting house elves?
 
tri2 said:
plus with taylor's experience with oni lee, you really think she would not immediately think of teleporting assassin when seeing teleporting house elves?
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She would think of it pretty quickly which is in fact the problem. One elf as a bomb delivery system then bounces out before detonating. Story's over. They magic up some tracking thingamajig chase down the soul jars and maybe murder some panicked flailing death eaters while voldies ghost rants about how incompetent everyone is. This would be hilarious but the story will be incredibly short…. That wasn't what I planned on writing. Which leaves me at an impasse. invent some reason why they can't just do that; house elves refuse to kill humans as mater of principal maybe? But I don't think Taylor would hesitate to trick one into delivering explosives to end the fight either….

*thunks head against the wall*

Readers: go maximum min maxing exploitation murder!!!
Me: but then there won't be a story! But I can't just ignore the possibilities now that their out there because they make sense. What am I supposed to do wrap up the bad guys with a bow then spend the rest of the fic with Taylor getting yelled at by and then yelling back at the ministry?!


Ahhhhhhhhh 😫
 
Anti-houself wards?
Houself defense squads?
Houselves are better at detecting bombs than Taylor is at hiding them?

"No Missus Bugsy, if you make a package like this it will make a little boom-boom."

"Damn, you noticed that, huh? Though I have to say, it would make a lot more than a little boom."

"No, no, no. It be only enough to destroy one mansion. Little boom. Not like House-Elf made bombs."

"...where do you use those bombs?"

"House Elf parties. Lots of fun!"
 
I mean…explosives aren't really Taylor's goto. She's a Master that always goes into melee. She did it against an Endbringer, she did it against the Nine, she did it against a explosive user.

There's no satisfaction in blowing someone up. She wants to be there and hit them in the face herself.
 
Fencer said:
She would think of it pretty quickly which is in fact the problem. One elf as a bomb delivery system then bounces out before detonating. Story's over. They magic up some tracking thingamajig chase down the soul jars and maybe murder some panicked flailing death eaters while voldies ghost rants about how incompetent everyone is. This would be hilarious but the story will be incredibly short…. That wasn't what I planned on writing. Which leaves me at an impasse. invent some reason why they can't just do that; house elves refuse to kill humans as mater of principal maybe? But I don't think Taylor would hesitate to trick one into delivering explosives to end the fight either….

*thunks head against the wall*

Readers: go maximum min maxing exploitation murder!!!
Me: but then there won't be a story! But I can't just ignore the possibilities now that their out there because they make sense. What am I supposed to do wrap up the bad guys with a bow then spend the rest of the fic with Taylor getting yelled at by and then yelling back at the ministry?!


Ahhhhhhhhh 😫
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Simply weaken house elf teleportation! Have it that they can't TP through anti-appartion barriers normally. The Malfoy's simply forgot to remove Dobby from there permissions list in canon. Kretcher meanwhile just TP Regulus to outside the cave and he walked in.
Or have it that that house elves can detect other house elves and stop them so the tactic only works on those without one. Which doesn't include many important death eaters. Malfoy's house elves were willing to look the other way on the rescue since they are also mistreated.
Just introduce a limit that unstated in canon and use that as justification.
 
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Fencer said:
She would think of it pretty quickly which is in fact the problem. One elf as a bomb delivery system then bounces out before detonating. Story's over. They magic up some tracking thingamajig chase down the soul jars and maybe murder some panicked flailing death eaters while voldies ghost rants about how incompetent everyone is. This would be hilarious but the story will be incredibly short…. That wasn't what I planned on writing. Which leaves me at an impasse. invent some reason why they can't just do that; house elves refuse to kill humans as mater of principal maybe? But I don't think Taylor would hesitate to trick one into delivering explosives to end the fight either….

*thunks head against the wall*

Readers: go maximum min maxing exploitation murder!!!
Me: but then there won't be a story! But I can't just ignore the possibilities now that their out there because they make sense. What am I supposed to do wrap up the bad guys with a bow then spend the rest of the fic with Taylor getting yelled at by and then yelling back at the ministry?!


Ahhhhhhhhh 😫
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house elf on house elf agent 47 assassin fight scenes happening around the wizards without them noticing, both of them with their pride on their line as unseen servants keeping the action scenes from affecting their master's daily fights :V

also yes anti house elf wards are a thing as well in canon, so locations are safe, people out in the open however? not so much.

please do not drop an idiot ball on characters and force them to hold it.
 
You could have Taylor learn about anti apparition wards, and just kind of assume they block house elves. So when she does learn that house elves can get around them, she just starts banging her head on the wall.
 
Fencer said:
…….. I really need to do something with the house elves, but honestly teleporting assassins would just murder the fic in the cradle.
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Hermione: "I thought the house elves were forbidden from fighting. How did she get around that?"
Elf: "Oh, we is forbidden from fighting, miss. Also forbidden from giving children weapons... But if we finds a gun on the ground near miss Hebert and we reloads it... well, that's not either of those things, is it miss?"
Taylor: *Smirks next to pile of rifles.*
 
Fencer said:
Snip
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That's fair and all very true. I guess I'm just trying to caution against coming up with some devastating sort of nasty thing that solves all of Taylor's problems. I'd personally advocate for just having the corpse be used for resources like I previously proposed and not having anything worse than maybe Cornish Pixies chomping on it if there's anything at all.

Fencer said:
…….. I really need to do something with the house elves, but honestly teleporting assassins would just murder the fic in the cradle. If Taylor could just hand Dobby a bomb pat him on the head and say go the story is literally over. Because even if she has to break into a military base to get it a human sized chunk of C4 would be…. Let's just go with devastating, and that's before someone gets cute with shrinking charms to let the elf transport a full crate.
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Yeah that is a problem. Thankfully you can use them as discrete rapid stealth scouts. Even Taylor would be hesitant to make a House Elf be actively violent to person if they were opposed to doing so. Well this Taylor, she's not nearly as jaded as a post time skip Weaver would be.

But can House Elves even do direct physical harm with a weapon intentionally? The only examples we have of them actually harming others is the Bludger incident, when Dobby defends Harry at the end of Year 2 after being freed, and Kreacher leading the rest of the Hogwarts House Elves to attack the Death Eaters with magically thrown kitchen cutlery in Year 7. But those weren't actually directly harmful, Dobby was protecting Harry and the shield wasn't technically an offensive spell. The thrown kitchen cutlery and the Bludger are more indirect things that just happen to harm others, and the Bludger could've just been targeting the rider of Harry's Nimbus rather than Harry himself. Regardless it seems to be something that the Wizarding World wouldn't overlook in their servants allowing such potential dangers to be alive. Sure they probably discount guns and the like, but poisoning your enemies is a valid tactic that surely must've been used in the past. Making sure House Elves are completely incapable of doing so seems prudent.

Or you can play it via the other direction completely and have Taylor use it against one moderately dangerous enemy and it working so effectively would force her enemies to adapt and remove the option from play completely. Someone like Umbridge in the middle of the Ministry. Yeah it'd be public as hell, but Taylor isn't always completely rational, and Umbridge in particular would press all of her berserk buttons. It'd be in character for Taylor, particularly this Taylor, to make a very loud statement that those who hurt her or her husband aren't safe from her. It having some very unfortunate side effects like the Death Eaters erecting Anti-House Elf Wards everywhere is a way of negating that possibility.

Isiri Pudireach said:
You could have Taylor learn about anti apparition wards, and just kind of assume they block house elves. So when she does learn that house elves can get around them, she just starts banging her head on the wall.
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Or that.
 
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I would think Taylor would research anti apparition in detail as it is something which prevents teleporting wizard assassins from killing her in her sleep
 
Fencer said:
Me: but then there won't be a story!
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Well, I don't know about all the possible exploits, but as for the house elf bomb delivery service, maybe we can assume a minimum of competence on the part of the Death Eaters and say they've warded their bases against House Elves not employed by them. Considering Kreacher's betrayal of Harry and Sirius, someone among them should have rubbed two brain cells together and plugged the obvious hole.
 
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