[X] Talk to Satsuki.
You lean against the wall for a few moments, but your immediate suspicion doesn't change - you don't know enough about magic, and you don't have anything that could help except the rods Remilia gave you, and you're not about to turn them over for experimentation. Not to Tohsaka, especially … if she knew how valuable they are to you, she'd probably destroy one out of spite. Besides, you told Satsuki you'd talk to her if she needed it. You sigh silently and stand straight; catching Leysritt's eye, you smile and shake your head. She tilts her head in confusion but you just shake your head again and slip past her. Like she said, Ilya's busy, and you don't really have anything to say except that you're back, so it can wait until they're finished with their project. You float down the hallway, looking for your servant.
"Ah, Flandre-sama!" You turn around, having just passed your room, and Satsuki hurries to catch up to you. You give her a critical look and circle around her as she stands stiffly. You sigh and undo her apron before tugging her outfit into a more proper fit and retying the apron. She blushes nervously as you finish. "Um, I'm sorry. I didn't want to take too long, so …." You wave dismissively and she trails off.
"I'd prefer that you look presentable over haste. I don't want you to take your time, of course, and I expect you to be prompt and on-time, but learning to dress properly will help you dress more quickly more than learning how to move quickly will." You drift down the hallway, moving purposefully but not so quickly that Satsuki has to work to keep up. A brisk, proper pace that covers ground easily but doesn't hurry … and is much easier to maintain when you can fly. You glide along the corridors, leading Satsuki to the sitting room. You sit at a table and gesture for her to sit across from you. "So … you have a problem with what happened earlier?" She looks down at her lap.
"It's … I shouldn't kill people. They haven't done anything to me, it's not their fault I'm … the way I am. I don't want to be a monster. I just want to be me, the way I've always been. And …." You shake your head as she trails off.
"Well. When you were human, did you live in the streets, eating and drinking only what was necessary for you to survive?" She shakes her head. "Of course not. You had a home, were comfortable, ate good food and drink. Just because you're a vampire, should you just … not be comfortable anymore? Should you have to suffer because you're something else? I get the feeling that you didn't exactly look for this outcome, that you didn't become a vampire of your own desire. It's true that it's not any particular human's fault, but you need blood to survive, right?" She shudders and shakes her head before looking unhappily at you.
"That's not what you do, though." You laugh.
"Oh, of course not. I was never human to begin with, and I'm comfortable with being a monster. But you need to accept what you are, and you aren't the same as me. I could tell you that humans are beneath you, that they're just food and you should stop caring about them as anything but that. But that's something for you to decide, really. What I was trying to do earlier was to get you to accept yourself - killing and feeding on humans in self-defense is well and good, but if you can't make yourself choose to kill someone who hasn't done anything to you, are you doing anything besides dooming yourself to self-destruction? I wanted you to choose to kill that man to prove that you can control yourself." She glares and you shrug. "You did pretty well, keeping from attacking until someone attacked you, and then running from the refugees. Of course, that was after you looked at me like you might want to eat me, so there was a break. Still, it's a good start." She shakes her head violently and presses her hands to the sides of her head.
"But … no, I mean … why? Why are you making me do that? Why does it matter? Why can't I just keep using blood packs? They work, and they don't make me a monster!" You close your eyes and sigh. "I don't want to be a monster, I don't want to hurt people! I know that I need blood to live, just like humans eat animals, but … but … there's another way, so why? I don't want to change from the way I was …." She starts sobbing and clutches her shoulders. "I understand what you're saying, but I was fine. I didn't kill people, and Ciel-senpai made sure that no one was hurt. Why couldn't I keep doing that?" You sigh and wait for her to calm down. Maybe this is why there are so few magicians … even the ones that think they know what they're getting into might not be capable of actually coping with the change to something that knows what it should be. If Ilya does go that route, you hope she doesn't have a similar problem.
"… Well, Ciel's dead, isn't she? So you don't have anyone who's going to make you play by the rules. That's why you need to learn to control yourself. Also, Arcueid was aware of your condition, right? She said something about needing to keep you in line and that you would eventually succumb to your thirst for blood. All Ciel was doing was delaying the inevitable and making sure that when you finally did 'lose control' you would be weak enough that she could kill you." She stares at you, stunned, and shakes her head vehemently.
"No! No, Ciel-senpai wouldn't … she wouldn't do something like that! She wasn't that kind of person!" You watch her as she stares at you. She seems to really believe that.
"Well, I didn't know her, so I could be wrong. But from what you said, your body is constantly breaking down, and that's why you need blood. Exerting yourself would increase the rate of breakdown, as does venturing into sunlight. So regardless of what Ciel's motivation in the past was, I need you to be capable of acting at your best. Blood packs won't do - neither you nor I get as much benefit from it, the same way a human doesn't get as much nutrition from stale bread - so in addition to getting you to accept yourself as what you are, I need you to feed properly." Your eyes narrow and she leans back. "You do remember that I gave you a choice, right? I told you what you would be getting into - you would be my servant, and I would make sure you received blood, that you remained as healthy as I could ensure, and that I would see about this 'bloodlust.' Feeding on those who haven't wronged you may seem harsh, but I need to see to it that you come to terms with yourself as soon as possible. If you can't - if you won't - feed in the manner I am capable of supplying you with, then I need to know so I can determine how to deal with you." She looks down again.
"But … I-"
"You need to think this through for yourself. You have, essentially, four options." You hold up your fingers and lower them one by one. "You can accept what you are and that you will need to kill 'innocent' humans. You can not accept what you are, and walk into the sun. You can try to run away and either get yourself killed or come to one of the other three options. And you can try to stay 'good' and not deal with what you are." She slumps.
"… I've fed on humans before tonight. I just never killed anyone. I don't want to kill anyone -"
"But you had Ciel watching over you to make sure you didn't kill anyone. I won't do that for you, so either you need to control yourself well enough to make sure you don't kill anyone you don't intend to. Which is a viable fifth option - but not for you while you're working for me. I'm going to teach you and I'm going to use you, so you're going to need to make sure you're at your best, and I won't accept you feeding below your needs just because you don't want to hurt people." She nods mutely and you stretch. "Well, I won't press you for an answer immediately. But you know you killed and fed on people, even if they attacked you, and also that when people who had nothing to do with you moved near, you fled rather than risk attacking them. Go. Think on that, on what I said, and what you can live with and deal with." She stares at you.
"You're … letting me go?" You sigh and laugh.
"Satsuki, I can't control your mind. I can explain my point of view and tell you what I think is best for you, and if you keep working for me I can tell you what to do, but I can't force true obedience. So, yes - take the night off, unless something important happens, and figure things out." She starts to smile. "Oh, I'll be irritated if you decide to run or kill yourself, because I've been looking forward to something like this and because Ilya went and got you that nice outfit, but I don't think I'll bother trying to track you down and attack you. Likewise, I'll be very upset if you don't deal with your issue, because that's making a problem for me. But … yes, I'm letting you decide on your own." She looks at you and smiles.
"Thank you, Flandre-sama." She stands up and curtsies - imperfectly, of course - and withdraws, giving you one last smile as she leaves the room. You sigh and shake your head. You're also not telling her what to think because it's complicated - humans are the source of your food, but you don't regard them as food themselves. Humans are scary and pitiable. Humans are weak, and humanity is powerful. Humans want to change themselves … except when they don't, or when that change has unforeseen side effects. She isn't a proper vampire, because she doesn't know where she belongs; you can tell her, but until she knows it for herself, it won't matter. You sigh again and stretch. What now?
What do you do?
[ ] Go to sleep.
[ ] Go talk to Archer.
- Any particular subject?
[ ] Other?