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Firebird, a Worm AU/Xover?

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Alright, switched to imgur, should be working now.

Keep in mind these are the really rough versions.
 
Sasha said:
Alright, switched to imgur, should be working now.

Keep in mind these are the really rough versions.
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Rough or not, these are pretty awesome. They have gotten a link in the index post!

I have little artistic talent for drawing so I can't give anything reference-wise. Lemme see what I have on notes about her. It was something more crossed between anime ninja girl(the less risque kind) and glam rock(which omg, is Jrock ever that. x.x).

Hanabi's more combat fatigue-ish/militant, but customized/colorful.
 
chibipoe said:
Rough or not, these are pretty awesome. They have gotten a link in the index post!

I have little artistic talent for drawing so I can't give anything reference-wise. Lemme see what I have on notes about her. It was something more crossed between anime ninja girl(the less risque kind) and glam rock(which omg, is Jrock ever that. x.x).

Hanabi's more combat fatigue-ish/militant, but customized/colorful.
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Glad you liked them! :)

I'm not really familiar with Jrock, other than the openings to anime that I watch once, then skip through every subsequent time. A quick image search gave me this:
o_O... Is that what you mean?
 
Sasha said:
Glad you liked them! :)

I'm not really familiar with Jrock, other than the openings to anime that I watch once, then skip through every subsequent time. A quick image search gave me this:
o_O... Is that what you mean?
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Not quite that horrifying. Lemme see if I can find better examples..... Like, those in that picture are insane. Most of the Jrock I'm familiar with goes for darker colors. There might be a lot of them, but they're not as... special as that bunch.


Jrock has a very special fashion sense.

Anyway, don't let what's in my head stop you. Put together something that you think works and I'll call it canon. :)
 
chibipoe said:
Her outfit looked more functional than her companion's showy display. Military fatigues and a reinforced jacket. The rest was probably reinforced too, if I was not mistaken. She had a pair of what looked like hi-tech earmuffs and some heavy goggles on. Like her companion, her hair was blonde, but the streaks were blue instead of red. Between her hands, something was growing, black and spherical.
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chibipoe said:
Hanabi's more combat fatigue-ish/militant, but customized/colorful.
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So, I gave Hanabi a shot.
It's not combat fatigues, but I think it still looks militant.
She has a set of headphones, instead of earmuffs, at least until I renew my Photoshop license.
I kinda worry she looks a little too much like someone out of Riddick.
I don't recall Minako's Catherine's actual hair color, but I don't think it was blonde with blue streaks, so I take it she wears a wig?
I wanted to add more color, but I couldn't think of anywhere to add it that wouldn't make her look wacky-er.

chibipoe said:
One thing I will say, @Sasha, is that Rockshow isn't Catherine. Rockshow is Minako. Hanabi is Catherine.
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:o Say whaaaaat? :o

I suppose that makes sense. I should have known not to give Minako the stereotypical asian name. Shame on me.
 
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chibipoe said:
I think it's an area that has a lot of room for how it's perceived. I can't imagine that the PRT doesn't have a database of who they suspect various villains to be and given they are essentially police for parahumans, the general public likely doesn't think anything of it. Oh, sure, there's probably civil rights groups who raise a stink about it as they are wont to do, but largely, I don't think the public thinks of it as anything more than performing their duties.

Now the parahuman community, well, that's another story and I don't imagine they like it all. But it's a question of what's being done with that information. Having the information is one thing, what you do with it is the more important thing. The PRT may know things, but they don't act on it unless their hand is forced openly(see Coil outing the E88), because there's a un-codified system of rules that they function by. (Even if I personally think they'll disregard them if it's convenient/the gains outweigh the losses)
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Thanks for your clarification. So basically the normal public wouldn't care if it came out that the PRT and Protectorate investigated whether somebody is a parahuman or not, regardless of whether they are a villain, rogue, hero or somebody yet uninvolved. The parahumans on the other hand won't like such an investigation or the PRT database, seeing it as breaking the rules (unwritten) under which their society function, (which I don't think was ever clearly spelled out in Worm), even though it might perhaps be legal. (The Captain America - Hulk Act?)

That is what I wanted to know. Which leads me to speculating that if the investigation becomes known Armsmaster, Browbeat, Gallant, Miss Millitia and (possibly) Piggot will be seen as people who can't be trusted within the parahuman community. (Perhaps the Protectorate and PRT as well, depending on how it comes out.) After all, if they only pretend to follow the accepted standards of behaviour for parahumans, enforcing it on others but privately ignore it, why would the average parahuman trust them?

Of course, Taylor is new enough that she probably doesn't know about the unwritten rules. (Although she currently has contact with two different groups that might explain it in the near future.) And Armsmaster did honestly (if somewhat incompetently) mostly want to help. (And recruit her, which he sees as helping.) The problem is that she knows Armsmaster was investigating her and possibly others as possible parahumans. I can see her warning Catherine and Minako about it, especially if she reads the new PRT mole or Madison's minds. And that would cause drama. I can also see Miss Militia or Piggot considering this and arranging for "accidental" meetings with the wards (after giving them several strong suggestions beforehand) and/or trying to influence Danny. And that would cause drama. Or Dean trying to subtly push the wards (as requested by Miss Militia) while both he and Taylor are being dragged along by Victoria and Taylor just trying to get a glimpse of what he means because what he says isn't making sense... And that would also cause drama. In fact, I can see this creating a lot of possibilities. For drama.

(I do actually like the drama in your stories. And the action. And the... Let's just say I like your stories.)

Finally, I enjoyed how you portrayed Taylor working off her frustration in the boat graveyard. (I reread the chapter again today.) From some of what was said it does seem as if there are legitimate issues between her and her father and not just overreaction.
 
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BobSquirrelKing said:
I gotta agree with Stormseed, the stereotypical teenage!drama was overdone. Honestly, most of this chapter seemed like her reactions were chosen based on what would cause more drama rather than what would be in character for her. Pointless drama like this is one of the things that irritates me the most on stories.

And if you are going to make Taylor not spam her precog in order to keep the story interesting, make something happen in story
that explains it, like her using it to see how a conversation will go, saying something different in response to what she saw, and it make things go worse. As it is, you have her actually thinking about how she never uses it when it matters, and it just seems like she is constantly juggling the idiot ball.

Honestly, I'd really rather you not have Coil be a major antagonist at all. You are already doing an openly AU story, so you could make things a little different. Coil is the main antagonist of almost every Worm story out there, for once I'd like to see a story where he isn't a Big Bad for Taylor to fight against (and no, curbstomp fics don't count).
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Personally I thought her blowing off steam in the boat graveyard was actually decently done and relevant. It showcases her growing abilities, brings up issues she has with her father (considering how he left her alone with Armsmaster I believe that enough of the issues are genuine), leads to meeting Victoria and the future meeting with Amelia. It also shows the anti thinker effect and stirs up the PRT/Protectorate and Coil in their search for whoever is causing it.

When considering the precog spamming that you advocate I ask myself "Why would she?" Her using it needs to make sense in-story, so why would she use it all the time? She uses it when she believes it would be useful or necessary, for dodging attacks, finding out what Sophia is planning and finding spots where she can land unobserved. Remember, before meeting Armsmaster and her father she used her telepathy, which in my opinion is the better power to use when meeting somebody. (Getting a feel for what is really thought/meant/wanted is in most cases better than knowing what they're going to say anyway before they say it.) So I'd rather have her using what power she believes works best for the given situation.

Regarding Coil, I actually think he is a major antagonist when written properly and I trust that Chibipoe can do so. (What can I say, for me Acceleration showed Coil as a competent ruthless evil major villain.) And who is to say he is the ultimate big bad.
 
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Sasha said:
So, I gave Hanabi a shot.
It's not combat fatigues, but I think it still looks militant.
She has a set of headphones, instead of earmuffs, at least until I renew my Photoshop license.
I kinda worry she looks a little too much like someone out of Riddick.
I don't recall Minako's Catherine's actual hair color, but I don't think it was blonde with blue streaks, so I take it she wears a wig?
I wanted to add more color, but I couldn't think of anywhere to add it that wouldn't make her look wacky-er.


:o Say whaaaaat? :o

I suppose that makes sense. I should have known not to give Minako the stereotypical asian name. Shame on me.
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This is awesome. :) Added to the index.

And I figured Hanabi = Minako was too obvious.

Originally, I had planned it to be Lightshow, but @Golden Lark has a story with a Lightshow, so I tweaked it to reference her Dazzler-esque powers.

And they both wear wigs in costumes, yes.
 
riaantheunissen said:
Personally I thought her blowing off steam in the boat graveyard was actually decently done and relevant. It showcases her growing abilities, brings up issues she has with her father (considering how he left her alone with Armsmaster I believe that enough of the issues are genuine), leads to meeting Victoria and the future meeting with Amelia. It also shows the anti thinker effect and stirs up the PRT/Protectorate and Coil in their search for whoever is causing it.
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That part I didn't actually have a problem with. It was more the lead up to that, and the fact that she didn't once in this chapter even think that she might have overreacted when dealing with Catherine and Minako. Yes, Chibipoe said that will come up in the next chapter, but since she has "blown off steam" already, and talked to Vicky about it, the lack of even a passing thought that she might have read that situation wrong or given them a chance to explain stands out. The only reason I can think of for it to really work is significant, constant mental influence by Jean/Phoenix. While that might be the case (and could make an interesting story), I hope it is dealt with (or at least noticed by Taylor) soon, as I don't really want to read a story where the main character is constantly being mindfucked by the absolutely paranoid dick that Jean/Pheonix seems to be right now.
When considering the precog spamming that you advocate I ask myself "Why would she?" Her using it needs to make sense in-story, so why would she use it all the time? She uses it when she believes it would be useful or necessary, for dodging attacks, finding out what Sophia is planning and finding spots where she can land unobserved. Remember, before meeting Armsmaster and her father she used her telepathy, which in my opinion is the better power to use when meeting somebody. (Getting a feel for what is really thought/meant/wanted is in most cases better than knowing what they're going to say anyway before they say it.) So I'd rather have her using what power she believes works best for the given situation.
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Taylor has, in story, pointed out to herself that she does't use it in a lot of situations she should. She even thinks about using it, then decides not to for very weak reasons. And at the beginning of this chapter, she thinks everyone is trying to use her and is out to get her. I don't know about you, but if I felt like that I would abuse the hell out of my pre-cog. Also, the telepathy you mentioned as being more useful, was also purposefully not used, and her justifications for not using either seem geared towards maximum drama. And while (as has been said) teenagers can sometimes drama-splode in a ball of woe-is-me, the world is out to get me angst, most don't purposefully and choose their actions to cause more drama, and it seems to be what Taylor is doing here (and she seems to be aware of it).
Regarding Coil, I actually think he is a major antagonist when written properly and I trust that Chibipoe can do so. (What can I say, for me Acceleration showed Coil as a competent ruthless evil major villain.) And who is to say he is the ultimate big bad.
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Yes, he can be a very effective major antagonist, and is a pretty significant one in the original story. But most fics never get past that (with maybe the other BB gangs tacked on, usually as a less significant obstacle), and I was just hoping that a story that is very obviously AU might decide to go a different route. Which is still possible, but if that is the case, Chibi is being a massive troll (even more so than the April Fools "teaser").

And I agree with you on Acceleration. I greatly enjoyed that story, and Chibipoe showed tremendous writing skill in it. That's is both why I am being so critical (as I feel they can do better), and why I am still reading this story, as I have hope that it won't stay a continuous dramasplosion for much longer.
 
BobSquirrelKing said:
Yes, he can be a very effective major antagonist, and is a pretty significant one in the original story. But most fics never get past that (with maybe the other BB gangs tacked on, usually as a less significant obstacle), and I was just hoping that a story that is very obviously AU might decide to go a different route. Which is still possible, but if that is the case, Chibi is being a massive troll (even more so than the April Fools "teaser").

And I agree with you on Acceleration. I greatly enjoyed that story, and Chibipoe showed tremendous writing skill in it. That's is both why I am being so critical (as I feel they can do better), and why I am still reading this story, as I have hope that it won't stay a continuous dramasplosion for much longer.
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Only a little time to respond, so I'll say this much.

I don't plan for Coil to be the major antagonist. His new name is Mid-boss. He was a principle antagonist in Acceleration so I've done that route. All the same, he is a part of BB's structure so just ignoring him is just as bad really, given his canon activities. He's aware of Taylor, yes. The question is what he does with it.

Dramasplosion is more or less over, though there is still issues with her dad to resolve. And she will turn her attention back to C&M too, but she was very self-focused for much of the chapter. Vicky knocked her out of that though.

Thanks for the words on Acceleration!
 
BobSquirrelKing said:
That part I didn't actually have a problem with. It was more the lead up to that, and the fact that she didn't once in this chapter even think that she might have overreacted when dealing with Catherine and Minako. Yes, Chibipoe said that will come up in the next chapter, but since she has "blown off steam" already, and talked to Vicky about it, the lack of even a passing thought that she might have read that situation wrong or given them a chance to explain stands out. The only reason I can think of for it to really work is significant, constant mental influence by Jean/Phoenix. While that might be the case (and could make an interesting story), I hope it is dealt with (or at least noticed by Taylor) soon, as I don't really want to read a story where the main character is constantly being mindfucked by the absolutely paranoid dick that Jean/Pheonix seems to be right now.
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I did not consider her reaction to Catherine and Minako at all. Thanks for bringing it up. I do agree she overreacted. Of course this occured after the Armsmaster meeting so I don't think she was in the best frame of mind when they talked to her. And when talking to Victoria she still had her meeting with her father to look forward to which probably overshadowed that in her mind. (When talking to Victoria she mentioned that they probably only befriended her because she had powers and they wanted her to join them, which rather shows how clearly she's thinking at that point.) And after talking with Victoria... Well, that was the very end of the chapter so I'll wait on the next one.
BobSquirrelKing said:
Taylor has, in story, pointed out to herself that she does't use it in a lot of situations she should. She even thinks about using it, then decides not to for very weak reasons. And at the beginning of this chapter, she thinks everyone is trying to use her and is out to get her. I don't know about you, but if I felt like that I would abuse the hell out of my pre-cog. Also, the telepathy you mentioned as being more useful, was also purposefully not used, and her justifications for not using either seem geared towards maximum drama. And while (as has been said) teenagers can sometimes drama-splode in a ball of woe-is-me, the world is out to get me angst, most don't purposefully and choose their actions to cause more drama, and it seems to be what Taylor is doing here (and she seems to be aware of it).
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This might be just be me being biased, but using precognition to discover things you can't change and will have to live through anyway just seems... Unpleasant, wastefull and futile. Although... Now that I think of it... If she believes something might be important she probably should use her precognition to mentally prepare herself. And she actually did use her telepathy.

Both before entering the meeting room.
chibipoe said:
I took a deep breath and laid a hand on the door knob, feeling at least two people on the other side. One was familiar, recognizable yet new. The comparison of something solid and steely was the best description, But I couldn't say why or where I knew it from. The other was a roiling and uncertain mass of confusion and worry that I definitely knew. Why the hell was my dad here?
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And during the meeting itself.
chibipoe said:
Uncertain, I looked at Armsmaster, trying to get a grip on what he was thinking or feeling. I suppose I could see what he was saying, but I disagreed on the timing. The moments he was thinking were as far from that possibility as a thing could be. Before the locker, maybe. After, not a chance.

My power stretched out, feeling along the strand that was his mind. The nagging sense of familiarity was there again but I pushed it aside. Just a little bit further-

Stars exploded in my head and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the same discordant sensations as the last time I had tried this and pale familiarity became full-fledged recognition. My hands caught the edge of the table and gripped it as I tried to push the stabbing pain away.
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BobSquirrelKing said:
And I agree with you on Acceleration. I greatly enjoyed that story, and Chibipoe showed tremendous writing skill in it. That's is both why I am being so critical (as I feel they can do better), and why I am still reading this story, as I have hope that it won't stay a continuous dramasplosion for much longer.
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We'll I suppose we'll see what he has planned then.
 
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On lunch, so let's see if i can do something more in depth:

BobSquirrelKing said:
That part I didn't actually have a problem with. It was more the lead up to that, and the fact that she didn't once in this chapter even think that she might have overreacted when dealing with Catherine and Minako. Yes, Chibipoe said that will come up in the next chapter, but since she has "blown off steam" already, and talked to Vicky about it, the lack of even a passing thought that she might have read that situation wrong or given them a chance to explain stands out. The only reason I can think of for it to really work is significant, constant mental influence by Jean/Phoenix. While that might be the case (and could make an interesting story), I hope it is dealt with (or at least noticed by Taylor) soon, as I don't really want to read a story where the main character is constantly being mindfucked by the absolutely paranoid dick that Jean/Pheonix seems to be right now.
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That she overreacted when dealing with C&M is something she should have thought of, but my reasoning at the time when Vicky managed to calm her down was that she turned to focusing on specific things because they were things she felt she could affect vs the Everyone knows who I am(not everyone does, but it feels that way to her). I'll have a note for revision, but I usually only make notes because I'm familiar enough with my writing habits that I have to keep momentum or I'll get caught up in changing things and my interest dies off. Editing and smoothing things out is stage 2, stage 1 is getting it done.

As to paranoia. Of the things that Taylor could be getting from Jean, paranoia is actually pretty tame. It could be much worse.

Anyway, yeah, Taylor will get to the thoughts on them and trying to fix things now that she's calmed down. C&M is likely to be the easier of the situations she has before her to untangle, though.
 
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