Fate/Sunny Order (FGO)

[Swordomatic]

Thanks to @GilliamYaeger, @XenaC, @Atrum-Persavor, @ckk185, @Yezar, @Nottheunmaker, @AWACS Sky Eye, @BlackHadou, and everyone else who helped me with this but who I either can't recall at the moment or don't know the SV usernames of.

And also damn you all for helping me bring this thing to life. I am now forever lost.

----

The incarnation of legends is a process that must be conducted carefully, precisely, and with the utmost respect for every step in the process. Though the foundations and the scale of the ritual conducted by Chaldea are different from the Holy Grail, the process is the same. As such the chamber is dark by necessity, as every inch of its interior has been wholly dedicated to the ritual. The only light comes from the dull glow of the ritual circle carved into the basalt floor beneath them, painstakingly hewn by hand and then filled with alchemical silver.

But besides the thaumaturgical investment necessary, the one conducting the ritual must also be a worthy summoner. Magical capability is not the only criterion; one must also be able to conduct leyshifts without issue, and most importantly of all one must have the affinity of a summoner. Even at Chaldea's peak, only a select few of its staff fulfilled every requirement. Now, after the disaster, there are only two.

One of them steps forward towards the center of the circle, one clenched fist held out. His arm is perfectly still, his breathing even and composed. He does not fear. He does not anticipate. He conducts himself with perfect elegance and poise, a keen and precise instrument dedicated to one purpose only.

"Don't spook me," he mutters, a prayer on his lips. He opens his hand, and four prismatic crystals tumble out, liquefying on contact with the circle. Their light permeates the circle immediately, filling it with an aurora of colour that shines in every direction. The ritual has begun.

There is a bright flash of light, a pillar piercing the sky from the center of the ring. It is over before he sees it, his ears popping from the pressure change, his hair tingling from the ionised air. The Master opens his eyes and sees what his offering has granted him.

A pile of strange blue-tinged swords greet him in the center, a trio of Black Keys favored by the Executors of the Church as both close combat weapons and as thrown projectiles. They glisten in the ambience of the ritual circle's light, the spell awaiting the next summoning. The Master lets his outstretched arm fall back to his side. Now, he starts trembling. A hot flash shoots up his spine. He clenches his fists.

"GOD DAMMIT!" He screams skyward. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I GOT KEYS AGAIN!"

The Master falls to his knees, cursing the world he lost, while his counterpart walks up behind him, laughing her head off.

----

When the world of 2026 burned, Chaldea alone survived

Charged with the Grand Order, it now sails through the kaleidoscope, searching for the seven singularities

Hoping that their efforts will earn the salvation they hoped for

And that their quartz will hold out long enough to summon the Heroes that will save them

This is....

FATE/SUNNY ORDER​

----

Thirty minutes and a lot of weeping later, Ritsuka Tohsaka, the 47th Master of Chaldea, emerges from the summoning chamber carrying an armload of Black Keys and Azoth Daggers. His fellow Master continues laughing uproariously behind him, flanked by a quartet of Servants, heroes summoned from myth and history into bodies capable of sustaining their essence in the modern era, giving them form and strength once more. She skips ahead and pats him on both shoulders, still grinning brightly.

"Oi, cheer up Guda! I'm sure you'll get a Servant eventually!" She snerks involuntarily and ruffles his hair. "Eventually!"

Ritsuka coolly looks over his shoulder, a polite smile on his face but not quite reaching his eyes. "You're right. And it doesn't matter anyways, we share contracts. Your Servants are my Servants."

"Well yeah, but are they really your Servants if you didn't actually summon them?" She looks over behind her, at the four heroes she just summoned. "What do you guys think?"

"I taught you better than this," Waver Velvet – or Lord El Melloi II, as he is known now – says dryly as he adjusts his glasses.

"I-I'm not sure it works that way..." Le Chevalier d'Eon mumbles, drumming their fingers on the handle of their rapier.

"I am contracted to both of you," says Atalanta the Huntress, one of her feline ears twitching. "I don't see the difference. Do you, Herakles?"

The obsidian-skinned giant beside her grunts in agreement, holding his gigantic axe-sword like a cane.

"I agree with all of them," Ritsuka says blandly back. "Especially Lord El Melloi II, though Herakles makes a good point. Stop being childish, Kana. You're eighteen."

Kana Tohsaka just snickers and sticks her tongue out at him. "You say all this, but we both know that it's actually eating away at you on the inside."

Curse that woman she's entirely correct. "You couldn't be more wrong," Ritsuka says with a dead smile. He looks over at the four Servants they've summoned, this time smiling more genuinely. "Anyways, how about we show you around Chaldea?"

----

"...Nobu, what are you doing?"

"Making bombs."

"Ah, I see."

"Mmhm."

"...Wait what?!"

Okita Souji leaps off the common room couch once the statement finally sinks in and draws her katana, flailing the blade wildly at the errant Archer. "N-N-Nobu why are you making a bomb?! How are you making a bomb?! Master was very clear: NO BOMBS!"

The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, Oda Nobunaga herself, just shrugs as she gently sticks both halves of the orange back together. "Psh, Master's only salty that it worked."

The Captain of the Shinsengumi's First Division turns red with frustration. "I'm pretty sure it revealed our position and also failed to get us into Orleans!"

"Psh, details." Nobunaga holds it up in the palm of her hand, displaying it to the heavens themselves. "Behold! The Nobu-Bombu v2.0! Smaller, stronger, and eco-friendly too!"

"Why eco-friendly?! That's random! And surprisingly considerate of you!"

"Well obviously it's because Master wouldn't let me into the actual bomb materials pile so I worked with other stuff and now it probably smells nice too! If anything I'm doing good work! Master should be appreciative! Appreciative enough to let me back into the bomb room!" The orange in her hand falls into a dozen paper-thin slices and starts floating out of her hand. She turns to Okita. "You just destroyed mankind."

"Excuse me, remember when you made the Grail a bomb? You lost a star!"

"Yeah but it's okay because Archers beat Sabers anyways!"

"Yeah okay I'm not taking that lying down IT'S NOT EVEN CANON HERE!"

Nobunaga starts laughing. She summons a musket and twirls it idly. "What you gonna do about it?"

Okita dashes towards her at godspeed. "MUMYOU--" Nobu yelps and twists just enough to get out of the path of the blade. "--SANDANZUK-BWAH!"

Okita hits the wall sword-first, and the collapse in casuality brings the whole structure down. Then her head mashes straight into some debris right as her tubercolosis starts acting up again and she knocks herself out. When the dust settles, the Saber is barely visible except for the single tuft of pink hair peeking through the pile of rubble.

"...Hah!" Nobu points and laughs. "It's not Okita-san's great victory!"

The dust settles further, revealing a pack of six people right behind the wall. One mountain of a man, two cute girls, some uncle, a girl with orange hair tied into a sidetail and a black-haired boy with – oh crap.

Nobunaga finds herself locked in a gaze with her Master, his dead eyes glaring through her soul. Somehow, despite being, well, Oda fucking Nobunaga, she feels real fear creep up her spine, like a really bad massage Nobukatsu tried to give her once. It wasn't painful or anything, it was just really weird and scary. Kind of like now.

Whilst Kana Tohsaka skips forward and starts lifting concrete blocks off the comatose Okita, Ritsuka Tohsaka holds up a clenched fist, red command seals tattooed on the back glowing brightly. He nods at the Archer. Fix it, he says without words. The threat that follows is implied and oh-so-heavy.

Nobu nods. There was no exchange of words but she hears it out and clear. She pulls out a broom and dustpan and starts working.

----

"Oh my god Okita are you okay?!" Kana exclaims.

"Muhhhhh…." The Saber comatosely mumbles.

"Yeah I have a headache," Ritsuka sighs. "Sorry everyone, tour's cancelled. You guys know where the important places are anyways so I'll just take you to your quarters and we'll do this again tomorrow."

The Servants nod. Herakles points at the pile of debris, now with the peach-haired saber's head exposed.

"Yes please, Herakles. Thank you."

The Berserker nods and starts casually shifting the debris to one side before pulling the Saber out with a loud pop. Okita whimpers like a cold puppy, mouth dripping blood. Kana rushes to her and hugs her tight, cooing comforting nothings into her ear. Ritsuka sighs. She's going to be useless for the rest of the day. He already knows.

"This way, everyone," he says glumly, still carrying black keys and azoth daggers. He is going to melt all these down into mana maliciously today. "You're free for the rest of the day, do... whatever you want I guess."

----

"When I said whatever I want I didn't mean go to lunch with me."

"Nonsense. You look like you need a talk." Waver Velvet, Lord El Melloi II, and occasional collaborator of his parents, takes a sip of tea before savoring the smell. He grunts pleasantly. "I see Chaldea didn't skip out on the creature comforts."

Ritsuka looks at him with a frown. The magus sets down his cup with a solid 'clink' and clasps his hands. "You may ask the obvious question," he nods.

"How are you here?" The Master asks. "Last I checked you told me modern humans can't qualify as Heroic Spirits."

"I'm a Pseudo-Servant," El Melloi II responds evenly. He takes out a cigar from his coat pocket and chews on it, doesn't even bother with a lighter. He snaps his fingers and fire comes out the tip of his thumb, which he uses instead. "The one I'm bonded with is Zhuge Liang."

"Ah." Ritsuka nods. He shakes his head. "Okay why and why."

"Because Zhuge Liang possesses a sufficiently inhuman mindset that he cannot be summoned without a vessel to inhabit. Or so he told me," the Clocktower lecturer says with a shrug. "As for your second question, it seems that the options for vessels are limited only to the humans involved in any given Holy Grail War. I participated in the Fourth, and I seemed the most appropriate fit for him, so here we are." He folds his fingers together and awaits the next batch of questions.

Ritsuka can't help but be amazed that he knew exactly what kind of 'why' questions he was asking. The boy was hoping that Waver would ask to clarify so he could vent more, but the grizzled Grail War veteran doesn't seem to care for teenagerisms. Such is the mettle of a top tier teacher of the magical arts. He thinks about more questions.

"What can you do?" Ritsuka asks, one eyebrow raised quizzically. As a Master, he needs to know what his Servants can do. Even if they look like senior figures from his life. Even if they are said figures from his life.

Waver exhales a plume of grey cigar smoke out of his mouth, away from Ritsuka's direction, before responding. "I have all of Zhuge Liang's tactical and strategic genius, but in terms of combat I'm more suited as an advisor. If necessary I am more than capable of taking the field… but I'd rather not sit before an open gate playing a guqin."

Ritsuka just stares blankly at the Clock Tower lord.

"...Nevermind," Waver sighs, massaging the bridge of his nose. "Regardless, as I am still El Melloi II, you can consult me about magical matters as well. If you wish, I can continue your tutoring."

Ritsuka considers the option. It would be a bargain; if this were anywhere but Chaldea, his lessons would be incredibly expensive. Such was a Clocktower education. But he has other responsibilities. "If we have time," Ritsuka nods. "Thank you, Lord El Melloi II. I'm glad you are here."

"Mm. Any other questions, Master?"

Ritsuka thinks for a moment. "What are the odds that one of my parents is summoned as a Pseudo-Servant?"

"Inordinately high. They were central to the course of the Fifth War, their importance in events second to none."

Ritsuka considers the implications of having the power to compel his parents to do anything. They trouble him greatly. He then considers the implications of his sister having the power to compel his parents to do anything. They make him shudder. "Caster, please keep quiet about this. If Kana asks, tell her you are a unique circumstance."

The magus raises his eye at the mention of his Class but nods stoically. "I don't see the concern, Master, but I will oblige. Any other questions?"

"Well, actually--" Out the corner of his eye Ritsuka spots a blur of purple and white across the sea of identical Chaldean uniforms, headed out of the cafeteria. "--Nothing for now, Lord El Melloi II. Welcome to Chaldea and enjoy the tea!"

Waver nods and continues smoking his cigar. Ritsuka climbs out of the bench and does his most dignified walk-run out of the cafeteria.

----

He finds her in one of Chaldea's gardens, sitting on a bench surrounded by greenery, reading from a small book with her legs neatly tucked. The image she strikes is one of a demure lady, someone to be protected. That couldn't be further from the truth, but he still wanted to try. Even if it was sheer folly to try and protect someone whose role was to protect, he wanted to try.

She spots him as he ducks under a tree branch, the leaves rustling in the wind. Brushing a lock of violet hair aside, she smiles politely at Ritsuka and makes space on the bench for him. "Good afternoon, Ritsuka-senpai! How is your day?"

He smiles back at her. "Today has been fine, Mashu. We summoned a few more Servants today." He slides on his reading glasses before looking at her again, her violet eyes shyly avoiding eye contact. "How is yours?"

"It's been great! I finished up some combat sparring in the morning and got some instruction from Leonidas. I'll be sure to put it to good use in the next Singularity!"

Ritsuka nods appreciatively. Though Mashu Kyrielight possesses the power of a Servant – more specifically of a Shielder-class Servant, a class dedicated to protecting others – she lacks the experiences and instincts of a true hero. But her dilligence and stubborn determination to do all she can has made her every bit as reliable as any other hero in Chaldea. "Alright. I'll be counting on you, Mashu."

"Yes, senpai!"

They sit together in the garden under the shade of a tall tree, enjoying the breeze in the artificial sunlight. Ritsuka intellectually knows that none of this is real. The breeze is generated by fans and the sun is really just a large lamp. But here and now, beside Mashu, it feels like he's back at home, spending a lazy afternoon with his sister, his father or mother due to arrive with snacks at any moment. Its peaceful and nostalgic... A welcome change from everything.

He looks at Mashu beside him out the corner of his eye, keenly aware of every detail about the girl. Whenever she gently breathes, the way her lavender hair billows in the wind, how the pages ruffle as she turns them gently with her finger and thumb... Ritsuka feels a hot flush in his cheeks. He's known it since the day they met in Chaldea, in the hallway when she came to them with a little furry animal, a guiding angel in a snowy mountain fortress, after Kana had passed out on the floor from the simulation test.

She showed them the way, introduced them to Chaldea, and watched out for them. When Ritsuka found her crushed under fallen debris after the explosion, he had felt more lost than ever. No amount of magecraft could have saved her, not in the state he found her, not as he was. When he awoke in Fuyuki and saw her... Frankly the first thing he felt was relief.

And then she proved herself throughout the singularity, and then again in France. She wasn't just kind and helpful, but fierce and driven. She wanted to be more, to protect others with her newfound power, to be worthy of her new strength. He wanted to help her. He wanted to be with her. And Kana could mock him all she wants, he'll do it anyways.

Ritsuka takes a deep breath as he closes his book with a small 'clap'. Mashu looks up at him with surprise. "Senpai?" she asks.

"This might be a bit sudden, Mashu, but... I like you."

"Huh? I like you too, senpai." Her expression turns to horror. "D-Did you not like me before?"

"What?! No no, I always liked you!" He puts his hands together, trying not to twiddle his thumbs. Dammit man, grow a backbone and be like dad. Just say it, nevermind the embarrassment! "I mean I... I love you, Mashu. I want to be with you forever. That kind of like." He maintains eye contact, no matter how awkward it feels. Dear god please be merciful.

Mashu looks back at him with a blank expression. Then her cheeks turn red, then her whole face. "...Eh? E-EH?! S-Senpai thinks of me t-t-that way?!"

"Y-Yes," Ritsuka says, looking away and scratching the itch that suddenly appears on his cheek. He's not shy, no, not at all. Tohsakas are always elegant, there's no time to be shy. "W-Well? H-H-How about y-you?"

Mashu takes a deep breath, hands on her lap. "Ritsuka-senpai, I..."

His hands ball into fists. This is it, Ritsuka Tohsaka. Be a man. Be the man. Protect her. Become the shielder's shield.

"I... I-I'm sorry I-I-I CAN'T!"

His heart stops. Ritsuka feels like he just died. Like the girl just put a hand grenade in his cold clammy hands and pulled the pin. "...Eh?"

"I'm sorry, senpai! I-I... I need to think about this!" Mashu stands up abruptly in a swirl of mana, instantly clad in her servant armor. She bows quickly to him. "H-Have a good day, Ritsuka-senpai! I ne-need to go somewhere! E-E-ENJOY YOUR BOOK!"

"M-Mashu wai--"

She disappears in a gust of wind, sprinting out of the garden. Ritsuka continues sitting on the bench, all colour gone from their existence.

Everything is black and white and grey and dead now. Its sad. He tried and he failed. Is this hell? Did he die and go back to the Root? Funny, he thought it would be a lot less comprehensible.

Ritsuka Tohsaka stays there for a very, very long time, unmoving.

----

"Yoooo, Maaaaaaster.... I cleaned up the room... Where are yoooooou..." Nobunaga ducks under a tree branch before finding Cu Chulainn sitting next to their male Master on the bench, his eyes closed and his hands clapped together. "Hey, dog! What happened to him?"

"I'm not a dog. Don't call me dog," Cu responds firmly. He opens his eyes as Nobu approaches, holding the broom over her shoulders. "Master here got involved in some lady troubles. He's been in hell ever since."

"Mm. I see, I see." Nobu nods sagely. "Well, can't be helped! Dog, we'll just have to break him out of hell!"

Lancer rolls his eyes. "Right, and how are you--" He narrows his eyes when the Archer produces an orange in her palm. "Now what is that supposed to be?"

"Behold, dog, the Nobu-Bombu v2.0! Just press the button and--"

Lancer stabs it with the tip of his red spear. There is an ominous ticking sound.

The Demon King of the Sixth Heaven looks down at the impaled bomb-fruit in her hand, before making eye contact with the spearman. "Why this?" Nobu asks, whimpering.

"Because I'm not a dog," Cu whispers back.

The orange bulges dangerously and explodes in the palm of her hand. The Archer screams and throws the orange at the Lancer. He bats it back into her face with ease. There is a loud flash as Nobunaga is flung away by the shockwave, while Cu handily escapes the blast radius with his Master in hand.

When the dust settles, Nobunaga weakly looks up and sees Lancer looking down at her, smug as can be. "H-How..." she rasps. "How the hell did you dodge THAT?!"

"You threw it. So I dodged it." He shrugs and smirks maliciously. "Protection from Arrows. It is a dog thing."

"...That's not an arrow!"

"Girl you'd be surprised what does and doesn't count as an arrow." He holds Ritsuka out like a kitten and starts shaking him. "Hey, Master! Time to wake up! Nobu made another bomb!"

"...Muuuh?" The Master groans as his eyes open. He sobers up immediately. "She did WHAT?!"

----

It is said that Nobunaga's screams could be heard into the dead of the night.

- End Chapter One -​

 

[Swordomatic]

This is super short because I'll just post bits at a time instead of the entire chapter from this point on. Because my muse is fickle but the memes must flow.

----

"He what?!" Kana sputters. She doesn't even notice that the floor is now covered in grape juice, or that the juice box in her hand just got crushed flat. "You what?!!"

It is later in the day, nearing the evening cycle in Chaldea, and inside Kana's quarters the female Master comes out of the shower, grape juice in hand, to find Mashu kneeling before her, head touching the ground. That literally never happens. No one ever actually bows like this. It would be more amazing if it wasn't so unbelievable.

"P-Please forgive me, Kana-senpai!" Mashu shouts, her voice muffled by the fact that she's face down on the ground. "I just didn't--"

"No no slow down I literally just came out of the shower." Kana grabs Mashu by the shoulders and lifts her up, only shaking her a little bit. "Start from the beginning. What the crap did my brother try to pull, and how long until his heart stops being broken into a thousand tiny fragments?"

Mashu whimpers at the mention of breaking Ritsuka's heart.

"I-I mean, until he stops being a baby," Kana repeats, smiling strangely.

"W-Well... I was reading in the garden..."

----

When the world of 2026 burned, Chaldea alone survived

Now it embarks on the Grand Order, resolving the snarls of the past in order to save the future

Scarred by betrayal, a mere shadow of itself, mankind endures regardless

Ever yearning for the world that they lost

And eternally salty that they won't get their waifu

Such is...

FATE/SUNNY ORDER​

----

"...Is what she told me," Kana says the next day while sitting on her brother's bed.

Ritsuka says nothing. He's underneath five different blankets, balled up around him like some sort of cocoon, or perhaps an always-active defensive noble phantasm. In the darkness of the Master's room there is only unfinished paperwork, a red pendant dangling from a hook on the wall, and a lot of bitter regret. Kana sighs as she pats the top of the blanket pile, at the rough approximation of where she thinks her brother's head is. He could well be upside down. She doesn't know. He probably isn't because Rits isn't an idiot, but who knows? He might be trying to commit suicide the ancient chinese way. "Come on Ritsuka, you can't be mopey forever. So what if she didn't accept? She didn't reject you!"

"She totally rejected him, Master," Cu comments beside her, his voice ethereal from spirit form. The redheaded Master glares at him, knowing he's there even though he is invisible. "What? It's true."

"You are not helping here, Lancer."

Ritsuka grumbles something like agreement from under his fortress of warm cosiness. Kana continues patting where she thinks his head is. "It's his first time," Kana explains sharply.

"Oh, huh. This late?" Lancer whistles and materialises, skintight bodysuit showing off his well-defined musculature—Dammit Kana focus and be a good sister. Admiration comes later. "Man, that's no good, Master! You have to be bold, and you have to be LOUD! That's how you get girls to like you! Let me tell you, Master, girls like men who can fight and who fear nothing! Shielder is just testing you, and you're not getting anywhere the way you are right now."

"That is startlingly presumptuous and I think slightly sexist," Kana states dryly.

Lancer looks back at her with a grin. "Well, am I wrong?"

Stupid sexy Lancer, being stupid and sexy and possibly stupidly sexy. "Point is, bro, go talk to her. And stop being such a stuttering mess! At the very least go squeeze an actual answer out of her."

Ritsuka says nothing. He squeezes his head out of the blankets and looks gloomily at Kana. "Did she say anything to you?"

"Lots. Why?" Kana raises her hand to her mouth, a cheeky glint in her eyes. "Ho? You want to know about the girl talk we had~?"

His look is entirely unamused and possibly suicidal. Yep. Joking around was a mistake. "Did she tell you why she dumped me?"

"Hm..." Kana taps her chin thoughtfully. "Well, she said something along the lines of..."

----

"S...S-Senpai is too good for me."

Kana, halfway through slurping on another juice box, does a picture perfect spittake. She sprays grape juice all over the floor and doubles over laughing, until she realises Mashu is not joking. The other Tohsaka looks at her in mild shock. "...You're not joking. You actually think he's better than you." Mashu nods shyly, her cheeks red. Kana slaps her forehead. "Holy shit."

"Senpai is... He's a talented magus, and he's so powerful. Back in Fuyuki, I saw him hold his own against several of those skeleton warriors, as many as I did! And in France, he took care of the french soldiers as well. Ritsuka-senpai can do all those things, and he's just human! I'm a Demi-Servant, but... I can barely keep up with him. A-And then!" Mashu holds her hands up to her chest. "And he's so nice, and always calm and collected... And he's always looking out for everyone! And he's h...handsome! Y-Yeah! Handsome!"

"...You are wearing some rose-tinted glasses, aren't you?" Kana leans closer, right into Mashu's face, and pulls the Demi-Servant's glasses off. She folds the legs up and then tosses it away, then points at Mashu before she can protest. "You like him too, don't you? And I mean like in the Ritsuka sense, not in the normal sense."

Mashu's face turns pink, then bright red. She looks down and nods, her heart pounding like a jackhammer.

"Yeah, see, I've known Guda eighteen years since, you know, I'm his twin sister? And let me tell you, he's really not perfect." Kana sits back, propping herself up with one hand and playing with her sidetail with the other. "Sure, he's got good circuits and a bunch of spells. But did you know he constantly fucks up incantations? Dude can't cast without biting his tongue. It's sad. And he's also a dork, and he's got no chill for shenanigans, and he's the saltiest man alive about being unable to summon heroic spirits. Like, god, it's not a big deal. He gets them through me anyways!" Kana stops to think, and then barks a laugh. "Hah! Holy shit! Technically, you're the only servant he's ever summoned!"

"...I what?" Mashu asks, still beet red.

Kana waves her aside. "I'm messing around. Point is, he's not perfect. So don't you start thinking he is! It'll go to his head and then I'm going to have to pop him before he flies up into the ceiling and man that is going to be a bitch and a half to clean up. He is not too good for you, and even assuming that he is and I'm just biased, who cares? He doesn't think he is! And frankly?" Kana adds with a smirk. "You two look adorable together."

----

"...You think we look adorable together?"

"She's cute enough for the two of you," Kana explains with a shrug. She pats her brother on the head again. "Don't feel down so much, Guda! She's just really shy, and apparently you're just really depressed! I'm certain the two of you are perfect together. Thoughts, Lancer?"

"Go for it, Master!" The Celt says with a thumbs up and a grin. "In fact, go for everyone! The only girl off limits is the one over here!"

Kana puts her head in her hands and sighs loudly. She really should have seen this coming. When have the Irish not been incredibly horny? Cu carries a long red lance around for fucks sake. "Lancer by my Command Seal go take a cold shower." The red brand on her right hand flares bright and burns out, jolting Lancer with a wave of energy.

Cu shrugs as he starts to turn about involuntarily. "Not sure why you just wasted one, Master, but I'll leave you two alone. See ya!" He shimmers away into spirit form and heads off in a flash, leaving the siblings with just themselves. Kana turns around and pats Ritsuka on the head again.

"Feeling better?" She asks.

"...A bit. Thanks, Kana." Ritsuka frowns sharply at her. "Now stop patting me on the head. Seriously."

"No," she says, catlike.

Ritsuka sighs, but it lacks venom. He swings around and lightly smacks Kana with a pillow. His sister laughs and pats him on the head again.

 

[Swordomatic]

"So that's why Mashu was freaking out all night." Dr Roman, current acting director of Chaldea, leans forwards and rests his head on his hands. "You know, I always thought you two would be cute together! Since you accidentally walked in on me eating."

"Inside my room," Ritsuka completes with a deadpan expression.

The doctor coughs and waves it off. "Details," he says. "Nevermind that. How are the new servants integrating? Besides Lord El Melloi II; I spoke to him at the CIC earlier. He seems..." Roman lowers his head. "...Serious."

"I wish you'd be a bit more serious," Ritsuka says with a sigh. "...Besides him, d'Eon seems happy to meet Queen Marie again, Atalanta is enjoying herself in the large gardens, and Herakles is just wandering the facility and, I think, scaring the staff."

"That's... probably not good."

"Oh, he's not even trying, director! I told him to look around and make himself at home, and he smiles at people but then they run!"

Roman looks right at the Master, into his eyes. "That's even worse."

Ritsuka shrugs. "He's big, he's friendly, and he's fuckmothering Hercules. I, for one, am extremely happy to have him."

"...Right. Well, at least he's only scaring them." Roman clears his throat and looks around. "Where is Kana?"

"She's doing the daily summons herself today. I'll update her later." Ritsuka leans forward, arms crossed. "So what is our status on the next singularity?"

"SHIVA is looking into it. Considering how long it took to find France, though, it might be a few more weeks." Roman sighs and rubs the back of his neck. "I'm sorry we haven't learned more, Ritsuka. Still, we do know it should happen during the reign of a Roman Emperor. So that should help narrow down the possible range of servants you encounter."

Ritsuka nods. That should be fine. "And what is our current deployment capacity?"

"Still the same. One servant per Master, and Mashu. Unfortunately, the damage was just that extensive. It's lucky that you and Kana are both talented magi, or we might not be able to send anyone else at all!"

Ritsuka nods, but it's a shame. He had hoped to have a larger squad for next time. Still, he can bring Herakles this time. Robin might like the reprieve. "And the supply situation?"

"If there's anything we're not hurting for," Roman says with a faint smile, "It's food. We'll have enough for months, even if all the Servants have three meals a day. And if we can harvest extra supplies from singularities, all the better. Oh!" Roman snaps his fingers. "By the way, Leo says that she'll have the Ascension system ready in a few days, a week at most! We should be able to develop the Servants' Saint Graphs further and give them additional skills, stat boosts, and maybe even new Noble Phantasms!"

Ritsuka widens both of his eyes, high enough that he thinks he can feel the ceiling. "We can do that?"

Roman chuckles smugly. "We're Chaldea. We've already done the impossible. This isn't so hard for someone like me!"

"...You do realise that I'm doing most of the work, right Romani~~?"

Roman goes ghostly white, and Ritsuka looks over his shoulder. It was weird to begin with, but to this day Ritsuka still can't get over the fact that Leonardo Da Vinci is a woman. And not even because history made a mistake. He can get over that. Ritsuka has long since accepted it can happen. History is wrong. People are wrong. It happens.

But.

Leonardo. Da Vinci. Is a fucking woman. By choice.

And looks like the Mona Lisa. By choice.

It's even a feature of his... her... their Noble Phantasm. Like Leonardo wants to be a woman. A deliberately bent gender. Ritsuka's not even outraged. He's just shocked at this development. Still is. You'd think Leonardo would switch back and forth for his purpose of 'expanding his horizons' but no he has literally never seen him change back. A literal mystery for the ages. Maybe he'll just refer to Leonardo Da Vinci as female from now on, that might be easier.

Ritsuka will also never get used to it because word to the wise Leonardo Da Vinci is a bully.

"L-Leo!" Roman squeaks, as happily as he can force out of his drying throat. "D-Didn't hear you come in! I've just finished my meeting with Ritsuka!"

"H-Hello," Ritsuka says politely, while frightened. Please please please don't be evil.

"Oh, good!" Leonardo claps her hands together cutely, a bright smile on her face. "This is good timing! Romani, Ritsuka, could you help me with a smaaaall project?"

A cold shudder climbs up Ritsuka's spine and refuses to leave. Judging by how sheet-white Roman is he feels much the same. Wow are his teeth chattering? This never happened in Fuyuki, where he was literally in his burning hometown surrounded by dead familiar places. "W-What about?" He asks.

Da Vinci continues smiling brightly. "Oh, you knowww.... Mystic Codes!"

Ritsuka feels his soul leaving his body. He knew it. On some level he always knew it.

Leonardo Da Vinci loves playing dressup. And they are now her dolls.

----

"...Servant Saber, answering your summons. I will lend my sword to save humanity."

The servant has white hair and dark skin, wearing a veil on her head and a skimpy one-piece leotard. She wields a strange prismatic sword and stands ramrod stiff, like a pole – or a machine awaiting orders. She opens her eyes in a flash, both of them starkly red. "Are you my Master?" She asks.

Kana claps her hands together with glee. "Yep! I'm Kana. Your other Master will be Ritsuka. You'll meet him later, he's a bit busy right now. Probably." She rubs her hands together. "Soooo what's your name?"

The girl has no visible reaction to having two Masters, just stoically accepting it as it is. "I am Atilla," the girl answers simply. "History knows me as Atilla the Hun."

Kana looks at her. Looks her up at down. Her Saber servant. A girl slightly shorter than her. With strange tattoos all over her body while wearing a small leotard. Someone with white hair and red eyes and a sword that looks like it came from space. Is Atilla the fucking Hun.

The Scourge of God is a goddamn magical girl.

She lets out a laugh involuntarily. Saber looks at her. "Is something wrong, Master?"

Kana shakes her head, still grinning from ear to ear. "Nothing wrong at all! You know, I'm so excited that I'll finish the rest of the summonings later. Welcome to Chaldea! Let's go on a tour!"

"As you command, Master."

--

 

[Swordomatic]

He was once the greatest hero of Greece. Son of Zeus. Father of Spartans. Slayer of the Hydra, and the Nemean Lion, and hundreds of other impossible beasts besides. His heaven-sent strength gave him the means to vanquish all foes, but it was his mind that crafted an immortal legend. It was with guile and guts and power that he became the awe-inspiring titan of woe he is remembered, a global legend known by all. In no small part due to Disney.

Now, Herakles is silenced by madness, his thoughts clouded by the same incoherence that drove him to slay his children and wife – but, thankfully, none of the fury. His thoughts are hardly together, like the barely-legible writings of a child, written slowly and crudely. The devil's trade of Madness Enhancement: Power for thought. And he was summoned having made it. Him, a hero who built a legend off guile.

If he had any coherent thought left to him, the man Herakles would have laughed himself silly. But he is purely a creature of instinct now, little more than an animal, one of the beasts that he killed in life. And with FATE crippled as it is, his Masters have no control over his Madness. Unlike his incarnation twenty two years ago, his insanity cannot be lifted.

And so driven by instinct and nothing else, he spends his days looking like a statue, his sword-axe held like a cane, standing before the deployment grounds, awaiting the next war. People pass by frequently, and he looks at them. Strangely enough, they walk faster when he does. Sometimes they run loudly. Sometimes they run back the way they came. It would be curious to anyone capable of thought.

But he simply looks on, waiting for war. For the next battle in this effort to save mankind, the pact he made before the chains of madness clapped around his neck once more.

Today, though, there is something else. A strange little creature looking up at him fearlessly, another even stranger creature standing atop her head, yipping rudely at him.

"Ah! Fou, no!" Mashu picks the little creature up and hugs him tight against her chest, and the fluffy bunny-cat melts instantly in her embrace. She looks up at Herakles, her one uncovered eye wide with curiosity. Herakles looks back at her, silent and still. "So you're Herakles?"

Herakles grunts in response. Mashu lowers her head, nodding to herself, before looking up at him again with a bright smile. "Do you know Leonidas?"

Herakles does not respond. If he did know the King of the Spartans, the one who lead that legendary action at Thermopylae, he does not show any sign. The obsidian giant simply looks back at her, his pale yellow eyes blank and unfeeling.

Mashu frowns and looks back down at the animal in her embrace. "I don't think he talks, Fou."

"Fouuuuuu..." The little creature squeaks. It worms out of the girl's hug and leaps right onto the Berserker. Herakles does not react as he pitter-patters up his bicep, across his shoulders, and right onto his head, panting heavily like he had just hiked up a perilously tall mountain.

"Fou! Get down, you're bothering Herakles!"

"Fou!" The little creature refuses.

Herakles grunts genially.

Mashu looks up at him. She tilts her head. "You... understand me?"

The Berserker does not respond. He just continues looking at her. Mashu frowns, rubbing her chin.

"Herakles... Do you mind if Fou stays here for a while?"

"Fou... Fouuuu..."

"...Not that I can bring him down, hehe," she says shyly. Herakles continues looking at her, like a mountain gazing down at a canyon. Mashu wilts under his gaze, halfway to becoming a shivering, stuttering pile of pudding.

Herakles closes his eyes. He grunts, and continues standing still as a statue, standing guard by the deployment center. Fou continues napping atop his wild mane of hair, feeling – and quite literally being – on top of the world.

Mashu looks at this scene with wonder. She quickly fishes out a small black slab from her hoodie jacket, takes a quick picture, and smiles at the Berserker again. "Thank you, Herakles! You're really nice!"

Herakles grunts one last time and nods. With a titter in the air and a skip in her step, Mashu goes on her way.

He continues standing there, driven by instinct alone. A lonely mountain, guarding the last hope of man. A hero protects, even if he has no reason to. Even without his reason, he will protect the world. That is just how a hero is. And Herakles, Son of Zeus and God of Strength, is a hero.

A hero with a small fluffy creature sleeping atop his head.

...Truly, no finer son of Greece will ever be born.

----

"Soooooo Caster!"

"Good morning, Master," the Witch of Colchis says absent-mindedly to her Master. The moment she had stepped into her Temple – which, granted, was actually fairly small and confined to one of Chaldea's briefing halls – she knew that Kana was there, of course. Her and the other presence. Strong power, but otherwise uninteresting. She wasn't going to get anything out of suborning Chaldea for her own uses, after all. Instead she spends her time devising traps and crafting potions for her own amusement. "I sense another Servant?"

"Yep! Also call me Kana!" Of her Masters, however, she had to admit she liked Ritsuka better. Certainly, Kana had more energy, and in terms of herding Servant was second to none. Ritsuka possessed a quieter air, the ice to Kana's fire. Not that he was icy and distant to his summons, far from it. But he was not especially personal. He was also far more respectful and an actual Magus, all the respect and none of the disgusting selfishness. "Wanna see? She's a Saber!"

Medea sighs as she turns away from her cauldron, letting her beaker and test tube hang in the air because she can. In her territory, her word was absolute. However, her Masters did have regenerating Command Seals. "Who is it, Maste..."

She rubs her eyes. Caster pulls her hood back as she inspects the Saber, up and down. Aesthetically, her form was ideal. Rough, coarse, emotionless, but she had a natural elegance to her that she could refine, perfect, and turn into something wonderful. Medea raises a hand to her mouth, faint from all the things she could do.

"You like her?" Kana asks, grinning brightly.

"S-She's wonderful!" Medea says. "Almost as – no, just as cute as the King of Knights, in a different direction! Master, who is she and when do I start?"

"I don't... understand?" Saber says, tilting her head. "Understand?" She repeats, like the word itself was unfamiliar. Medea could die from that – but in her territory, her word was absolute.

"She's Attila the Hun," Kana stage-whispers.

"...The Scourge of God?" Medea's eyes go from enthralled to devious. "Ara~... What an interesting specimen~~"

"I know right? Hey, Medea, could you make her fabulous or something? She'll be so cute."

Medea nods. "We are agreed! As your Servant I am bound to obey your orders! Leave this to me, Master!"

"...Master, I don't understand," Attila says quietly.

Kana gives her a thumbs up. "Awesome! I'll go back to summoning, you two have fun!"

The Witch of Colchis' excited cackling could be heard even after the Master left, promising glorious things in the future to come...

 

[Swordomatic]

"I hate you."

"But I try so hard!" Da Vinci pouts. She giggles as Ritsuka sighs and rolls his eyes, forced to look at himself in a full sized mirror, wearing a blue evening dress. He had to admit the dress looks nice, but the person wearing it could stand to jump into a fire right about four hours ago.

"She tries so hard, Ritsuka," Roman echoes, the acting-Director somewhere between amused and beleagured. The useless man was wearing a matching red tuxedo, one that fit him perfectly. He gets to look like some sort of high class twit with a martini and a monocle. Meanwhile Ritsuka is made to be a girl. "You should cut her a little slack! This is supposed to help you, after all!"

"I fail to see how wearing a dress is going to help me," the Master grumbles. "Unless you're trying to make me lose the will to live! Because if so, good job."

Da Vinci chuckles and pats him on the head. "Oh, let an old lady have some fun, Ritsuka. Besides, you look fantastic! You should wear dresses more often!"

"Da Vinci I don't think bullying him more right now will help," Roman says.

"Yeah Da Vinci I don't think bullying me more right now is helping," Ritsuka repeats bitterly.

"Also we're preparing these Mystic Codes so that in the event of, say, your gender being reversed, you'll still be able to deploy on missions into singularities that may or may not require you to be in formal attire!"

He blinks at that. "Wait. What?"

"Oh yes," Roman nods. "We're in uncharted territory, and while Leyshifting itself might be a mostly-solved science, the regions you go to may leave lasting effects. To say nothing of any hostile Servants!"

"...I'm going to try and not ponder those implications," Ritsuka says. "In that case why am I wearing this dress now? My proportions are going to change when I... change!"

Da Vinci and Roman say nothing for a moment. They look at each other quickly before looking back at Ritsuka. "It's to make sure the style fits!" Da Vinci says cheerfully. "By the way, I love the dress. It brings the blue out of your eyes!"

"I respect you greatly, Ritsuka," Roman says to him, one hand clapped on his shoulder. "Don't you forget that. Ever."

"I hate the both of you," Ritsuka glowers.

The doors slide open suddenly, Mashu carrying two lunch boxes. "Doctor! Leo! I brought food, since you didn't show up for..." She freezes. The Shielder and the Master share a look for an ephermeal instant. Time stops. Normally, Ritsuka would love for this moment to never end, but in this specific circumstance he really hopes time keeps moving.

Mashu's pale skin goes from white to red in an instant, like someone from on high – or Kana with a command seal – ordered it so. She quickly puts the boxes aside and looks away, staring up into a corner of the ceiling. "S-S-So I brought you two lunch!" She stutters, suddenly a nervous wreck. "R-R-Ritsuka-senpai! I didn't know you were here! S-Sorry I didn't knock!"

"I'm sorry for everything," Ritsuka responds, too dead inside for his voice to waver at all.

"...A-Ah, I'll go, uh... Go get lunch for you right now!"

"It's okay. I'll pick something up later."

"O-Okay!" Mashu bows. She bows again. "I'll make my leave! G-Good day, Leo! Good day, Doctor! G-G-G...Good day, senpai!"

Mashu backs out of the door quickly, making tiny shuffling steps, before slamming the door shut in front of her. Ritsuka looks at the door for a while, blinking only occasionally. That... actually just happened. Dad was right.

Roman taps him on the shoulder. Ritsuka does not respond. "Aren't you going after her?"

"In a dress?" Ritsuka asks back, still dead. He shakes his head. "No. It's better this way."

"...I respect you greatly, Ritsuka. Don't you forget that. Ever."

"By the way, Ritsuka, I want to ask if you prefer frills or furs!"

"I prefer hiding in my room and never coming out again."

"...Furs it is!" Da Vinci pats him on the head with her mechanical arm. "You're free to go, Ritsuka! If there's anything else I'll contact you!"

The Master does not respond. He shambles out of the room as if in a daze, shoulders slouched and arms limp. He does not even take off the dress.

When the doors slide close behind him, Da Vinci and Roman look at each other. "I broke him, didn't I?" Da Vinci asks.

"More accurately I think young Mashu needs to learn some manners," Roman says. "Though... I'm impressed. It's like a scene out of one of my... novels."

"Oh! Romani, you simply must lend me one of your novels to read! I'm interested!"

"...I'll do my best."

--

"Hey. Hey, Guda. What's wrong?"

They are back here again. Pitch black room. Fortress of blankets. A dark entity lurking beneath the sheets in deep slumber. And Lancer standing in the doorway, somewhere between bemused and concerned. Ritsuka says nothing. He hardly even moves, too emotionally dead to care.

"...Come on, I don't have all day," Kana sighs. "I gotta go get our new Saber – Attila the Hun by the way – from Caster's workshop and take lots of pictures! If this is because Mashu turned you down again I will jab you in the eyes."

More silence. Kana sighs and pills up her left sleeve.

"...Wait." The fortress of fluffiness stirs, and Ritsuka pokes his head out of the pile. "You summoned Attila the Hun? Why is he being dressed up at Medea's?"

"Oh, right, the best part: Attila the Hun is a fucking magical girl!"

"What." He rubs his eyes. Looks at Lancer. Cu Chulainn gives him a single sedate nod. Dammit, she's not fucking with him. "What? What."

"It's amazing, you should come see her! She's super cute." Kana pats him on the head again. "Come on, live a little! It's not like Mashu dumped you again!"

Ritsuka's mood dies again. He crawls back under his sheets. "Mashu saw me wearing a dress," he says, still dead inside.

"...She probably hates that you look good in it," Kana guesses. "I know I do, when I stuffed you inside that tu--"

"Not the point S-SHUT UP!"

"--tu. Hm." Kana cups her chin briefly as she grunts in thought. "You know, I'm starting to think you're not very manly!"

"Don't you fucking go the--"

"Man, actually," Kana says with a malicious grin, "Dad's probably horribly disappointed. His boy's not a manly man like he is." She looks over at Lancer. "Say it like it is, Cu!"

"I'm not entirely sure who your father is but I can sort of agree," says the Lancer bluntly.

Ritsuka sits upright, fire in his eyes. "And mom's probably appalled that your butt's huge!"

Kana gasps. She trembles, tears starting to well in her eyes. "N-No... T-That's not true!"

He smirks, showing too many teeth and too much bloodthirst. "Say it like it is, Cu."

"...Yeah, I can sort of see it," Cu Chulainn says, sagely nodding. "Congratulations, Master! You have a figure kings would go to war over!"

"NO!" Kana jumps to her feet, face red and cheeks puffed. "MY BUTT IS NOT! BIG!"

"It's a Tohsaka thing, sis," Ritsuka says with the inevitability of time backing his words. "Ask mom about it. Better yet, ask dad. Or, you know, check a picture."

"NO! I REFUSE! IT'S NOT BIG!" Kana runs out of the room before Ritsuka can needle her any further, bowling past the Lancer as she sprints down the hall.

"You're my sister but I'm sure Lancer loved to see you leave!" He shouts after her. A moment passes. He looks at Cu. "You did see her leave, right?"

"How could I not?" The Lancer asks. "I have to say, Master, I feel for you. She's a troublesome one."

Ritsuka shrugs. "I'm used to it."

"Well, alright then. If you need me you know how to call." Lancer kicks his red lance up and drapes it over his shoulders. "I'm going to make sure Caster doesn't cause trouble and enslave another Saber. Try not to cry in here so much! It's not manly!"

Lancer runs out, fading into spirit form, long before Ritsuka can shake his fist and protest.

- Chapter Two End - ​

 

[Swordomatic]

"...Gotta admit, Caster. You are a witch, but you do good work."

"Of course. I was a Princess before I was a Witch, and we always have an eye for fashion."

"Uhm." Attila looks down at herself, tugging at the hem of her white cheongsam. "I don't understand. Why am I wearing this?"

Inside Medea's Temple, her word is law. And Medea must say, she has done good work today. "Because you are a cute girl, Saber! Do you like the outfits?"

"They are..." The tanned Saber looks down, trying to find the words. "...Cute."

Medea nearly cries out as she holds her hands over her heart. Lancer looks away, trying – and failing – not to look at Attila. "This is a good day to have Battle Continuation," he says. "Still, I guess if Master put you up to this, it's okay."

"Okay? Okay?!" Medea turns around in a furious flourish, pointing dramatically at him. "This is more than okay, Lancer! I spent an entire day playing with – I mean working on Saber's style! This is perfection!"

"It's pretty good," Lancer shrugs. "What do you think, Saber?"

"...Cute." She tilts her head. "Cute? Is it... cute?"

"I would say so yes," Lancer nods, while Caster tries to survive another heart attack. She succeeds by the skin of her teeth, for in her territory her word is law and death would be a crime. "So, Attila the Hun huh?"

"That is my title yes," Saber nods. "Why?"

"Not much, I just wonder..."

"Hold it." Medea points at Cu again. "If you are going to fight her, do it when she isn't wearing one of her perfect dresses. What are you, some kind of dog?"

"That was intentional."

"And if it is?"

Lancer looks at her flatly, his gaze promising revenge. He looks back over at Attila. "So, what do you think Saber? Accept my challenge?"

The Saber looks straight through him. "No. I like dresses. They are cute." She looks over at Caster. "Are there more dresses?"

"Of course!" Medea says cheerfully. "This way, Saber~" She guides Attila by the shoulders, all while shooting Cu a smug look. "And you, Lancer, should know your place. Dog."

Cu thinks quietly, simmering in irritation as Medea and Attila head further into her Temple. "Yep," He decides after some thought. "Revenge it is."

----

When the world of 2026 burned, Chaldea alone survived

Drifting along the Kaleidoscope, the sea of possibility, it seeks to save the past

A song on their lips and a fire in their hearts, they fight to save the past in order to save the future

Standing together to endure against their foe, seeking victory for the sake of their world

Trying not to be consumed by petty revenge plots or the vagaries of chance

And invariably failing, because the Gacha taketh and the Gacha never giveth

Such is...

FATE/SUNNY ORDER​

----

"..A-And then he says that I should look at a picture!"

Mashu looks at Kana, her expression thoroughly unimpressed. "Kana-senpai... Are you for real right now?"

"What?" Kana hugs the pillow tighter, mashing it against her chest and covering her mouth with it. "But Ritsuka's such a meanie! I do not have a--"

Mashu clears her throat loudly. "Kana-senpai, you are, speaking quite honestly, a pretty girl with a nice body. I don't get why this is a problem. If anything I have a problem."

"TOMBOYS DON'T HAVE CURVES!" Kana shouts, her words only slightly muffled. "And look at you! You're curvy too! Don't you have a problem with it?!"

"...Only if someone notices it," Mashu says furtively, her eyes looking away. She coughs again. "A-Anyways! I'm (mostly) comfortable with my body and you should be too!"

"B-BUT!" Kana tries to speak up, but her voice just falters and she is unable to carry through. "B-But... I was happier being flat and skinny..."

"Hm?" Mashu glances at her chest. It's not nothing, but they are not particularly substantial either. "You are quite modest though?"

"I'm wearing a sports bra," Kana explains. "Have been for years. Why do you think I have an extra belt on my uniform?"

"Ah." Mashu nods. She frowns. "Wait, isn't it bad for your--"

"It's cool, I have magic." The Master sighs and flops back on Mashu's bed. "I actually wanted to be like my dad, you know? Go on adventures, save people, be a hero that fights evil!"

"Don't heroes necessarily need villains?" Mashu points out. "To define good you must have evil. To save people you need to have people that need to be saved."

"Psh, no, I'm not in it to be someone who saves people, I just want to help people who need it. If people stop needing to be rescued from horrible people I'm happy to spend my life playing video games and crap." Kana sighs loudly. "Dad seems different, though. Like he's only happy when he's helping others."

"Wouldn't know how that feels," Mashu says quietly.

"No, you're just too shy and nice to be selfish once in a while. Seriously, go talk to Rits already, he literally fell into another depression spiral that lead to me bitching to you right now." Kana stops, just looking up into the ceiling. "Dad's... well, mom told me he was distorted, once – basically sparkly wizard bullshit for 'fucked in the head'. He genuinely never felt happiness unless he was helping others. Or, rather, he only felt happy as someone who helped others. Otherwise he was just going through the motions, pretending to be a person."

The Shielder falls quiet. She looks down, hair covering her eyes. "I... see."

"Yeah, it was a shitty way to live. Mom managed to help him – I like to think I helped too – but there's always that look in his eyes, like he wants to be out there saving people and not spending time at home." Kana shrugs. "Mom was a little freaked out when I told her I wanted to be like dad – though that might also be because I made a sword like he does."

Mashu frowns. "When you say 'make a sword', do you mean..."

"Yeah, I Project a little. Watch." The Tohsaka raises a hand and green lines start pulsing along her arm. "Manman terotero!"

There is a flash of green, and then in her hands is an english arming sword, crafted to perfection. Mashu looks at it, eyes wide. "You... Actually did it? But I thought Projection was--"

"Yeah, it's a dead end path. Inefficient,empty, and brittle." Kana sits upright and hands the sword to the Shielder. Mashu takes it, feeling the weight of the blade. Well balanced and... familiar, somehow. "Mine are better than most – dad taught me his steps and they seem to work pretty good – but they're still kind of crap. And he's still better than me."

The Shielder frowns again. "So that sword in Singularity F, when you were protecting the Director..."

"Yep! I made it! Of course, magicing up a sword is only half the battle. I was also taught to use the blade!" Kana frowns as she remembers, just as Mashu does. "...By the Saber we fought in Fuyuki, actually."

The violet-haired Demi-Shielder nods. "King Arthur, was it?" Kana nods. "You know, I didn't expect the legendary King of Britain to be a girl."

Kana flaps her hands. " At least she put up one hell of a fight! Honestly, if Caster wasn't there we'd be dead." She sighs happily. "And now we've summoned him as Lancer. Good times! Speaking of, go talk to Rits."

Mashu frowns. "That was random."

"It's called an abrupt topic change, sheesh."

"Speaking of..." This time, Mashu picks up a pillow and hugs it tight. "I... Saw Ritsuka-senpai wearing a dress."

"Oh?" Kana's smile grows into a cheeky grin as she leans closer to Mashu. "What did you think~?"

"...Honestly I'm more jealous that he looks good in it. Seriously. Senpai would be a cute girl and I'm not sure how I feel about that."

Kana titters as she rolls off the bed. "Well, I could just get a wig and some contacts and you'll get the gist of it~"

"Senpai please no."

The doors slide open abruptly before the situation can escalate, and Ritsuka stands in the doorway wearing a serious expression. Before Kana can make a joke or imply anything, he speaks. "So I hear you haven't finished your daily summons," he says, grimacing. It does not reach his eyes. Ritsuka glances over at Mashu and nods. "Sorry for what happened earlier."

Mashu just nods, her face visibly red even though she's covering most of it. Kana just sighs as she stands up, dismisses her projection, and heads off with her brother.

"So, what, you want to roll?"

"After what I said to you earlier... Nah, you handle it."

Kana grins as she hugs her brother from behind. "Thanks, Guda. And sorry for all the shenanigans, too."

"Mmhm," Ritsuka nods, the day brighter now.

--

"I hate you," Ritsuka says, the day darker now. And not just because they were inside the dark summoning chamber. A pillar was piercing the ceiling now, as three prismatic rings of energy swirl around them.

Kana shrugs, a smug grin on her face, as the summon concludes. Seriously what the actual fuck this is her first roll. She has eight more to go.

And standing before them is a girl with golden-spun hair tied into a braid, wearing an elegant blue ballroom dress with poofy shoulders. All of Ritsuka's frustration and jealousy shrivels up and dies as the light dims and realisation takes over. All the other Servants they summoned seem to remember prior summonings... Could it happen? Can he believe in it?

"I am Servant Saber, and I so swear my sword to the salvation of mankind. I ask of you." She opens her eyes, bright green gemstones that dazzle in the light. "Are you my... Kana? Ritsuka?"

"AUNT SABER?!" Kana explodes into action before he does, throwing her arms out around their new summon. "AUNT SABER YOU ACTUALLY CAME OH MY GOD!"

Arturia Pendragon, King of Knights, just stands in stunned silence as her godchildren hug her tightly, only numbly raising her arms to receive their embrace.

----

Ever since they were old enough to learn about the tales of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table, he and his sister knew that their honorary aunt, godmother, and babysitter was someone special. Sure, for the longest time Ritsuka didn't actually believe that their kind, gluttonous caretaker was actually the legendary King of the Britons, but Kana took to it like water for the thirsty, and eventually even he could not refute the truth, that his parents weren't playing a prank on him.

And when Ritsuka and Kana both joined Chaldea, both learned that their role would be to summon heroes from myth and antiquity to save mankind, and learned that they were all that was left to save mankind... They knew that she would come, sooner or later. Why wouldn't the noble King of Knights come to fight for their survival? Such a battle demanded the presence of a chivalrous knight, to say nothing of a knight each of them knew personally. The only question was whether she would remember.

Intellectually, Ritsuka knew that Servants were merely copies spun from the Throne of Heroes, reflections of one facet of the greater whole. A Heroic Spirit was an existence too great for a 'mere' Grail to incarnate, and never in full regardless. Memories made in a Grail War would be forgotten, at best remembered in books and archives with none of the emotion. He knew that she would not remember. All the facts pointed that way. Kana refused to accept that, but... Kana never paid attention in class. She wouldn't know.

And yet she was right, and he's happy for that. Their aunt remembers them. Something survived of their world, and she was the most reliable person they knew.

They stand there hugging for ten minutes, overcome by emotion. But eventually even Kana had to admit; they had some explaining to do.

Saber broke their hug first, her face screwed in confusion. "FATE called and I answered, but... How are the two of you here?" She asks. "Last I remembered, the two of you were away on some sort of internship with an NGO..."

"Yeah that was Chaldea."

"Ah." Saber nods."I suppose I should be thankful, then. If I had to choose to be summoned by anyone but your parents, it would be the two of you. Though," she adds hopefully, "I don't suppose either of them are..."

Kana shakes her head sadly. "Just us. Dad didn't secretly join like I thought he would."

"Why would he? Dad has actual things to do?"

"I don't know because maybe he'd like to travel through time?"

"Why in the hell would our father want that when we can't even--"

"Ahem," Saber says firmly. Their verbal scuffle ends then and there. "If he isn't here then that is that. The two of you are simply going to have to learn to cook."

"I can make pasta," Ritsuka offers.

"I like hamburgers," Kana suggests.

Saber gives each of them a strained look. Ritsuka feels the disappointment crawling on his back. "It is... a start," Arturia decides. She dusts her sleeves and straightens any creases on her dress. "Well, shall we see the premises?"

Kana looks at Ritsuka. "Yeah, Guda, shall we see the premises?"

"We're not done with the summons yet, but..."

"Ah, my apologies then. I can wait." Saber steps to the side, hands behind her back. "Go on then. Let us see who else answers the call."

Kana titters as she steps forward, tossing another quartet of quartz into the circle. Once more three prismatic rings spin about the room before a pillar of light shoots into the ceiling, and when the light dies a dark man in red stands before her.

...Wait.

"I suppose this is Chaldea then," the man says, his eyes closed. He opens one of them, looking down at the redheaded Master with a grey eye. "So you're my Master?"

"...You are fucking me," Ritsuka sighs. The red man looks at him, one kinked eyebrow raised. "You are actually fucking me."

"Language, Ritsuka," Saber says firmly. She works her jaw. "I have to concur however what in the hell are you doing here, Red Archer?"

"...You recognise me, King of Knights?" The red Archer asks, right as Kana falls into his chest and wraps her arms around him. "What are you doing, Master?"

"What kind of adorable daughteru would I be if I didn't greet my dad home with a hug?" She asks back with a wide, cheeky grin. "Hi!"

"I... Uh." He looks at Ritsuka, currently rubbing his temples. "What is going on, other Master?"

"We know you are Heroic Spirit EMIYA," Ritsuka explains to him. And he had nearly asked if this day could get any more interesting. Well as it turns out yes it very much can. At least he knows enough from asking mom about the Fifth Holy Grail War. "I am Ritsuka Tohsaka and that is Kana Tohsaka. We are the children of Rin Tohsaka and Shirou Emiya. Welcome to the Grand Order, please don't flip the fuck out."

"Ah." He looks down, Kana hugging him tight. EMIYA smiles softly, and puts one hand on her head. Kana giggles, happy for the affection. "Well, I suppose Rin succeeded after all – though more directly than I expected."

He looks up, a newfound determination – and hope – in his eyes. "I am EMIYA Shirou, Servant Archer. My swords are yours in salvation of mankind. And I look forward to fighting alongside you again, Saber," he adds.

"Yes," Arturia nods. "But tell me, Red Archer: Do you still cook?"

 

[Swordomatic]

"Lancer, you maniac! What have you done?!"

"Oh, you know. Dog things." Lancer sits down right in front of Caster's door, tapping Gae Bolg on his shoulder like a fishing rod. "Why? Is something missing?"

"You know damn well what's missing!" The Princess of Colchis snaps. Her cloak is fully unfurled, runic circles traced within and around her all burning bright violet and charged with a monstrous amount of mana, enough to flatten buildings. "You are going to find them and give them back, or so help me I will make you."

"Wow, scary! I'm practically shaking, Caster!" Lancer smirks, stands up, and points Gae Bolg at her. "Well? Come and make me."

"Uhm..." Attila pokes her head out from the door to Medea's Temple, wearing a shawl about her neck. "Caster, are you certain? Master will be displeased..."

"Yeah, Caster, are you certain?" Cu taunts. "I mean, they're just models of--"

Medea, Princess of Colchis, Witch of Betrayal, self-inflicted widow and (mostly) happily single, screeches and unloads enough mana to flatten a skyscraper upon the Lancer in the form of violently violet laser beams.

----

There is an explosion just as Ritsuka and Kana round the corner, and they spot a man in blue dashing down the corridor, weaving left and right, leaping between the walls, floor and ceiling while evading bright and dangerous laser beams. He periodically throws his arm backwards, and yellow flashes backlight him as he sprints furiously towards them.

Cu Chulainn skids to a stop inches before colliding into his Masters and snaps a salute, making an about-face just before Caster melts his face off with bright purple death. "Good evening, Master!" He shouts loudly, just in time for Medea to land and dismiss all of her spells. He looks back, eyes widening at Arturia's presence. "Oho! Saber's here too! Just two more and we'll have a Grail War reunion, Master!"

"Lancer," Arturia nods, somewhere between appreciative and cautious.

"Lancer," Ritsuka grunts. He points at Caster, who is grinding her teeth so loudly his eardrums are vibrating. "Should I ask?"

"I'm not sure, Master," Cu grins back. "Should you? It might be hell you're going into."

"I would recommend against it, Master," Archer says carefully. "He is nothing but trouble." He shoots Lancer a dirty look, one the Celt notes immediately – and returns with a wolfish grin.

"Oho? And how would you know?" Lancer leans into Archer's face, close enough that their noses are almost touching. "Could it be? Is it because you're trouble yourself?"

Archer scoffs, exhaling right into Cu's face. "I'm simply explaining your tendency to stick your nose where it doesn't belong, Hound of Chulainn."

"Hoho! So you do remember, Red Archer!" He rears back, his red spear twirling. It stops, sharp end pointed right at Archer's throat. "Then how do you feel about finishing our fight?"

"Lancer..." Ritsuka warns in a low voice. Archer looks back, waiting for his Master's call. Ritsuka shakes his head. Kana nods vigorously. Archer sighs, and smiles smugly at Lancer.

"Unfortunately for you, Cu Chulainn, I am bound by honor to obey my young Masters," he says with a sly smirk. "Though, tell me; did the dogs enjoy the meal?"

Cu tenses. "Do you dare?"

"The meal, of course! When you fed them your honor!"

"Haha! You do!" Lancer laughs, facing skywards as he covers his eyes. He takes one, two, three steps backward. And then in an instant all the mirth in his voice dies and he charges at the man in red, Gae Bolg whistling as it darts right for the man's throat.

Archer grunts as he bats it aside with his twin blades, forced back with every blow despite his every effort. "Masters!" He shouts, despite being in a life or death battle. "I will be taking care of this dog for the next while! Please, don't worry about me!"

"Okay!" Kana says, waving after them. Ritsuka, for better or for worse, wasn't one for blindly listening to his father. "Lancer, I swear to all the fucks in the world, if you kill him I'm handing you to Caster."

Cu throws his spear at Archer, and the blow forces EMIYA out of sight. "Relax, Master!" He shouts back, "I'll just maim him! Guys like him won't listen if I only kill them!" He gives them a thumbs up before dashing right after the red Archer, gone in the blink of an eye.

Ritsuka sighs as the sounds of clashing steel and bone fade into the distance, and he looks at where Lancer came from to find all the craters, burn marks and shattered glass marking his wake. "Dammit," he sighs. "Caster, I want an explanation and then you're going to help clean this up!"

He waits. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Odd, Medea usually answers immediately, even if she only snickers in a sinister fashion. He looks around, and there are no servants to be found – no Lancers, Archers, Casters or Sabers.

...No Sabers.

"Kana, where's Aunt Arturia?"

"Hm?" Kana looks back at him, head tilted. "I thought she was with you?"

"...Kana, you are with me."

"Well my question is still valid! Where is she?"

----

"Yes, yes! Well done, Attila! You will be well rewarded!"

"Yes," the Scourge of Heaven says breathily, though she is not even winded.

Caster laughs as she flies through the air, dear Attila carrying Saber over her head as they sprint down the corridors. She never thought she would see the day where Saber, the King of Knights herself, would appear in Chaldea! And better - she would be vulnerable! That buffoon Lancer was useful after all!

Bound in enchanted chains, there is little Saber can do but squirm ineffectually. And even her enhanced strength cannot escape Attila's grasp. "I will gut you where you stand Caster!" She threatens loudly. "By the grace of God UNHAND ME!"

"The Grace of God isn't here," Attila says flatly. "Only the Scourge of God."

Medea cackles sinisterly. "Why would I, Saber? I have so many outfits for you to wear!"

Eyes wide, Saber looks down at her peer in the same class. Attila nods silently. "Cute," she says, her voice like a whisper. "...Are they cute?"

"Very cute," Medea responds, her words entirely nonreassuring.

And so the King feels the fear deep inside the Buckingham, knowing the fate that awaits her.

- End Chapter Three -​

 

[Swordomatic]

"Okay," Ritsuka sighs, "Let's recap! Our alternate father is currently in a life-or-limb battle with our first summoned servant and general reliable standby, and the battle is probably going to end with someone horribly maimed. And our recently-returned Godmother has been abducted by a crazy greek archmage who really likes cute things."

"Caster needs other hobbies," Kana nods resolutely. "And to top it all off I'm pretty sure Attila was with her."

Ritsuka sighs and covers his face. "Fantastic, our mysterious new Saber is on Caster's side. There go, like, all my Command Seals."

"Or we could just talk to them," Kana shrugs.

"They're to keep Aunt Saber from murdering everyone."

A 2D image pops into existence right in front of the both of them, fizzling into existence. "There the two of you are!" The face of Romani Archaman says at them. "Report to the CIC quickly. We've got a breakthrough on finding the next Singularity!"

"...Doctor normally I'd be happy but right now we're in a situation too."

"Do we?" El Melloi II leans into frame, chomping significantly on a cigar. "From what I understand of the situation, Caster abducted Saber with the help of our other Saber, almost certainly to have her play dressup to her heart's content."

Kana looks gobsmacked at her tutor, while Ritsuka tries and fails to make noises with his mouth. "I did not know you have Clarivoyance," he finally says.

El Melloi II shakes his head. "I looked at the cameras and made a few guesses. Regardless, it does not seem like a crisis, does it? Saber won't die."

"She might die on the inside," Ritsuka shudders.

"No she won't," Kana says. "She'll just be filled with apoplectic fury that she can now act on! But I imagine that's why Caster has Attila in her camp. And with the threat of destroying Chaldea if she uses Excalibur, Aunt Saber will be forced to comply!"

"...Why do you know all this? How do you know all this?"

"It's what I'd do!"

"Uh." Mashu pokes her head out from the bottom of the screen. "If it's that much of a concern, senpai, I can go save her. I also have Magic Resistance A, remember?"

"...If you get caught in a dress I'm not apologising."

The girl returns with an immaculate smile. "Well I'm sure you'd still look better than me, Ritsuka-senpai."

"...Well played. Please do. We'll be there shortly."

"I could get a wiiiiiiig~" Kana sing-songs.

"I SAID WE'LL BE THERE SHORTLY. GOOD DAY DR ROMAN."

----

The year is 2026. Chaldea is all that is left of that era.

And the only hope of rescuing the rest of mankind is an exceptionally fickle Random Number Generator

Damnation awaits in...

FATE/SUNNY ORDER​

----

"Uh... Hi. I guess she caught you too?"

Arturia sighs as she looks at her fellow captive, visibly peeved. "A sneak attack, little more." She raises an eyebrow. "Do I know you?"

The peach-haired Saber frowns and claps her hands over her mouth. "I'm... not sure. Why?"

"I think I've seen your face before."

"...Weird, I feel the same way," she mumbles. "Oh, I almost forgot! Okita Souji, Captain of the Shinsengumi First Division, at your service!" She extends her hand cheerfully and quickly, like a knife thrusting for the kill. "I look forward to our Great Victory!"

"The Okita Souji?" Arturia shakes her hand quickly. "I've seen many a drama about the Shinsengumi, and I've always wanted to test my skills against yours!"

"R-Really?" Okita laughs nervously to herself. "Eheh… You know, it's kind of embarrassing to be praised by a knight like this…"

"Legend says that you were a prodigy with the blade, and ever since I crossed blades with… a particular swallow, I've wanted to test myself against the finest swordsmen of Japan!" Arturia frowns. "But I thought you were a man..."

Okita shrugs. "History thought Nobu was a man too!"

"Nobu… As in Oda Nobunaga, Demon King of the Sixth Heaven?"

"Yeah, she's actually a pain in the ass." Okita looks furtively from left to right. "So... which Knight are you?"

"Oh!" The King of Knights coughs and composes herself. "I am King Arthur, Once and Future King of Britain. But please, call me Arturia."

"Ah, nice to meet you, Arturia-san~" Okita smiles brightly at her, holding it for roughly five seconds before she recoils. "K-K-KING ARTHUR?! YOU ARE A GIRL?!"

"My father wanted a son. Destiny had other ideas. Also please call me Arturia."

Okita does not hear it. She's too busy cupping her burning cheeks. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod King Arthur thinks I'm a good swordswoman this is the best day of my life." She looks down at the manacles clapped about her feet. "Second best day of my life." She looks over at Arturia again. "Still not sure why you look familiar, though."

"I'm sure that mystery will be resolved in time," Arturia says. She looks around, keen green eyes looking for anything they can use to escape. No such luck; their jail cell is entirely bare except for some mannikins and abandoned dresses. Not even a shawl or a toothpick. And, come to think of it, this isn't a jail cell at all. It's the inside of a closet. "How long have you been here, Okita Souji?"

"O-Okita's fine!" She says quickly. "S-Sakura Saber also! M-Man, I didn't ever expect to meet K-King Arthur!"

"It's been an interesting day," Arturia nods. Her expression turns bitter. "If only these were better times."

"...A-Anyways, I've been here since morning. It's not the first time, either..."

"That vixen has abducted you multiple times?" Arturia gasps. "How do you escape each time?"

"Well actually she just makes me wear clothes, gushes, and then lets me go as long as I promise to keep wearing the dress." Okita glances back, noticing Arturia's dead look in her eye, and nods. "I know, it's so anticlimactic right? I thought she would be doing something evil but... Well, no, abducting people to make them wear cute clothes is actually kind of evil..."

"The last time she abducted me, Caster tried to bend me to her will," Arturia says flatly, her words dripping with bitterness. "And she made me wear a r-ridiculous white dress while she tried to break me! With a Command Seal!"

Okita frowns. "Caster has Command Seals?"

"Worse, she can steal them." Okita gasps and Arturia nods. "She is a danger to Chaldea, and must be stopped - or, failing that, kept in check." The King of Knights frowns momentarily. "I fear she may be collaborating with Kana."

"Oh, she does. The only reason Attila is helping Caster is because Kana brought her here for a makeover."

"...When we get out of here, Okita, I am going to give Kana a spanking all my Knights would flinch at."

Okita blinks. She gives her a strange look. "That seems... excessive, King Arthur."

"Nothing is excessive with that girl, Okita. And Arturia is fine."

The closet door creaks open slowly, and all the blood in Arturia's veins freeze up. Her instincts scream, telling her to run, hide, beg, or possibly get cut to bits by Clarent again and then tell Bedivere to toss Excalibur back into the lake. Because dying on that hill is infinitely better than what is about to happen.

Attila pokes her head into the closet, her expression flat. "It's time for cute," she says evenly. She looks at the two Sabers. "Are you two cute?"

"Absolutely not," Arturia says immediately.

"The total opposite I swear," Okita squeaks.

"Hm." Attila tilts her head. She steps into the room, taking one slow agonising step at a time. "That's okay. You will be cute soon. Promise."

 

[Swordomatic]

A/N: This bit feels a bit rough, especially concerning Caster, so any and all feedback is welcome. Or don't, and just feed me likes. That is also alright.

The door creaks open, and Attila steps forward, carrying two inexplicably identical Sabers on her shoulders. She walks with purpose and with care, making sure not to jostle her prisoners overmuch. Not that it helps, considering where she is taking them.

The witch's sanctum is every bit as sinister as Arturia remembers. The dimly lit blue torches lining the walls. The cool colours that belly its horrors and chill to the bone. A stage that glows with its own light, all the better to show off her creations. Rows and rows and rows of impeccably sewn outfits, each appropriate for a season, or occasion, or mood. And a small shrine at the back, difficult to read in clarity even with her own exceptional eyesight, speaking of... wait, no, that's not a shrine, that's a sewing machine. A... magical sewing machine, much like the kind Shirou has at home, but with fairies and magic instead of mechanisms and electricity.

...Actually thinking about it, besides the colour palette there is nothing about this place that resembles the church all those years ago. Hm. How devious. There is nothing for her to reference for her escape attempt.

"Here we go again," Okita sighs. "First she gushes about what she's going to do for you for half an hour, and then she makes you wear sixty different outfits, then she makes you do, like, a thousand poses, and if you don't do them with a smile and a skip she zaps you with lasers."

"Wouldn't our Magic Resistance be proof against that?" Arturia asks the Japanese Saber.

Okita looks away, hiding her flushed cheeks. "Well... my Magic Resistance is actually really bad."

"How bad?"

"...E Rank..."

"Ah." Saber nods in sympathy. "Well... Do your best, Okita Souji."

"Okita's fine, really."

"Caster," Attila announces, her face as flat and unemotive as if it was carved from wood, "I have them."

The Caster seems to appear from nowhere, violet butterflies flying from everywhere and concentrating into a ball rom which the Witch appears. Medea appears in a flash of sparkles, her eyes obscured by her hood but her sinister grin. "Ah~... Good work, Attila, with this we can finally begin!"

Attila tosses Okita into the air, the other Saber's screams fading as she heads skyward. She gently rotates Arturia and places her feet-first on the ground before catching the other Saber like a sack of flour, the Captain still screaming. Okita nearly rolls over into a ball when Attila sets her down feet-first as well, stopped only by the chains that keep her arms secure.

The King of Britain turns about, teeth bared, after a nod of solidarity to her companion. "You expect me to just accept this, Caster? Unlike the last time I'm not bound to you by Command Seals!" She flexes her arms and shatters the chains binding her with a burst of force, shattering them like foam just to prove her point. She points her sword at the Witch of Betrayal, revealing Excalibur with a burst of wind. "What is stopping me from just annihilating this wretched place?!"

Caster, despite the clear show of force, does not even flinch. She floats down onto the floor, keeping her hooded eyes on the blonde. "Hmhmhm… You mean, besides the fact that you'll destroy Chaldea and our Masters along with me?"

Arturia tenses. Damnation, it seems her bluff has been called. "Yes, besides that."

"I have a Saber under my control, dear Arturia," Medea says with a smile. She raises a hand, the space warping before it. Okita falls over twitching before standing up again, the chains slaking off her like rain. "And now... I have two."

"Hate... My shitty... Magic Resistance...," Okita grumbles.

Arturia sighs and lowers Excalibur, resting its tip against the ground. Attila, she senses, is still standing beside Okita. She has made no move to surround her yet, and she can break off to the left. That will be the plan then. "I'm certain I can manage something," she replies. "This will not end like it did in the Fifth War, Caster. You will fail."

"Fail at what, though?" Medea draws a familiar bolt-shaped dagger from the folds of her cloak. Arturia focuses right on it, cautious of its edge. It has been twenty years for her, and she still remembers that damn knife, and what it did to her. "Observe, Saber! My victory!"

Arturia grits her teeth. One charge. Just one burst, and she can cut the Caster in half – or at least cut her hand off. It won't kill a fellow Servant, and she can grow it back, but it will be a fine lesson. One step, and it will be over.

And then Caster tosses Rule Breaker away and the King of Knights nearly falls over. She rights herself immediately, stomping one foot deep into the ground before her. "D-Did you just..." Arturia works her jaw. She points her hand at the dagger in the distance, right by the shrine – uh, sewing machine. "You just threw your Noble Phantasm away."

"Yes, Saber!" The witch giggles like a girl. "I have no need of it! In fact..." She snaps her fingers, and Okita nearly falls over herself, no longer having to fight her own body. "There, all is well."

"...You are acting strangely," Saber says, her eyes narrowed. What is she planning? What will she do? She glances at the girl in the white cheongsam behind her, but only briefly. No sense allowing Caster to pull another fast one. "Are you really so confident in Attila?"

Caster laughs. She brings her hands out from her cloak, revealing a dress in each hand. One of them is a pink kimono decorated with sakura petals, and the other is a white dre-- oh no oh no no no NO--

"I think you are very cute, Saber," Medea says. Saber looks at her, not sure whether to yell back or stay quiet.

"...Thank you," she finally decides on. "...What are you planning?"

"To have you wear this, of course!" She says cheerfully. "And Okita Souji may wear the kimono."

"I already have a kimono thanks," Okita says meekly.

Saber frowns, eyes never leaving the damnable thing. "...And if I refuse?"

"Then I have Attila make you wear it by force, of course." She floats towards Saber, in a vaguely-menacing fashion. "There is only one outcome, Saber. The difference is whether or not you maintain your dignity." She stops, just far enough away from Saber to not be in casual stabbing range. "Your choice, Saber~"

Arturia glances back at Attila.

"Cuteness must be enhanced," the Scourge of God says entirely seriously. She calls upon her prismatic sword, and rests her hand on its hilt. "Choose, King of Knights. Cute, or cuter."

"...Does it have to be that dress, though?" She asks.

"Hmm…" Medea thinks, cupping her chin, "Well, I have a different dress with a higher cut and more frills, if you--"

"Alright hand it over." Arturia catches the dress and dismisses her armor. "Lousy witch… Where's the changing room?"

"Excellent!" Medea pulls her hood down and claps her hands. "Master Kana was correct, it is easy to bully you into doing things!"

"...By the grace of God and the land of Camelot, I am going to spank her raw."

 

[Swordomatic]

A/N: In light of the climbing wordcount of Chapter 3 and the fact that I'm rewriting this anyways, I'm splitting Chapter 3 into two parts. This should count as Chapter 4's 2nd part.

--

It is an unassuming sight, just a regular room like any of the others right next to it. The doors are white, nearly blending in with the uniform walls but for the touch screen right next to them But its deceptive normality bellies the oddities of this place, like the fact that the walls are only recently rebuilt, or that it is the quarter of a Servant. A pair of them, in fact.

Mashu Kyrielight, longtime member of Chaldea and Demi-Servant Shielder, takes a deep breath right on her doorstep. It cannot be helped. It must be done. Magic Resistance A or not, Mashu cannot fight against both Attila and Medea at the same time. She simply is not strong enough. The only way to win is with allies. And with Lancer fighting Archer, Leonidas taking a nap—meditative trance, Atalanta being scary, Robin hiding somewhere and Herakles looking after Fou... She has nowhere else to go.

She knocks on the door twice. A moment passes in silence.

"Enter," the dark lord within says, and so she does. The doors creek open, and she sees the Demon King herself, Oda Nobunaga, slouched against a chair, one leg up against her chest and one elbow perched atop it. Wearing only a t-shirt and shorts to go with her cap, she remains as menacing as ever – provided she isn't goofing off. "So, you need my help?"

Mashu nods. "Caster has captured Okita and our new Saber. You are Master's only hope."

"Hm," the Demon King grunts. She smiles viciously at a thought. "What are your terms?"

Mashu's eyes are resolute and unflinching. "I will pay any price."

Nobunaga's grin grows wider.

--

The door creaks open, and Attila steps forward, carrying two inexplicably identical Sabers on her shoulders. She walks with purpose and with care, making sure not to jostle her prisoners overmuch. Not that it helps, considering where she is taking them.

The witch's sanctum is every bit as sinister as Arturia remembers. The dimly lit blue torches lining the walls. The cool colours that belly its horrors and chill to the bone. A stage that glows with its own light, all the better to show off her creations. Rows and rows and rows of impeccably sewn outfits, each appropriate for a season, or occasion, or mood. And a small shrine at the back, difficult to read in clarity even with her own exceptional eyesight, speaking of... wait, no, that's not a shrine, that's a sewing machine. A... magical sewing machine, much like the kind Shirou has at home, but with fairies and magic instead of mechanisms and electricity.

...Actually thinking about it, besides the colour palette there is nothing about this place that resembles the church all those years ago. Hm. How devious. There is nothing for her to reference for her escape attempt.

"Here we go again," Okita sighs. "First she gushes about what she's going to do for you for half an hour, and then she makes you wear sixty different outfits, then she makes you do, like, a thousand poses, and if you don't do them with a smile and a skip she zaps you with lasers."

"Wouldn't our Magic Resistance be proof against that?" Arturia asks the Japanese Saber.

Okita looks away, hiding her flushed cheeks. "Well... my Magic Resistance is actually really bad."

"How bad?"

"...E Rank..."

"Ah." Saber nods in sympathy. "Well... Do your best, Okita Souji."

"Okita's fine, really."

"Caster," Attila announces, her face as flat and unemotive as if it was carved from wood, "I have them."

The Caster seems to appear from nowhere, violet butterflies flying from everywhere and concentrating into a ball rom which the Witch appears. Medea appears in a flash of sparkles, her eyes obscured by her hood but her sinister grin. "Ah~... Good work, Attila, with this we can finally begin!"

Attila tosses Okita into the air, the other Saber's screams fading as she heads skyward. She gently rotates Arturia and places her feet-first on the ground before catching the other Saber like a sack of flour, the Captain still screaming. Okita nearly rolls over into a ball when Attila sets her down feet-first as well, stopped only by the chains that keep her arms secure.

The King of Britain turns about, teeth bared, after a nod of solidarity to her companion. "You expect me to just accept this, Caster? Unlike the last time I'm not bound to you by Command Seals!" She flexes her arms and shatters the chains binding her with a burst of force, shattering them like foam just to prove her point. She points her sword at the Witch of Betrayal, the invisible wind-swept blade glistening in the pale light. "What is stopping me from just annihilating this wretched place?!"

Caster, despite the clear show of force, does not even flinch. She floats down onto the floor, keeping her hooded eyes on the blonde. "You mean, besides the fact that you'll destroy Chaldea and our Masters along with me?"

Arturia tenses. Damnation, it seems her bluff has been called. "Yes, besides that."

"I have a Saber under my control, dear Arturia," Medea says with a smile. She raises a hand, the space warping before it. Okita falls over twitching before standing up again, the chains slaking off her like rain. "And now I have two."

"Hate... My shitty... Magic Resistance...," Okita grumbles.

Arturia sighs and lowers Excalibur, resting its tip against the ground. Attila, she senses, is still standing beside Okita. She has made no move to surround her yet, and she can break off to the left. That will be the plan then. But she needs to throw Caster off-guard. FATE seems to retain memories, judging by Lancer and Caster's behaviour, which means...

"You disappoint your Master, Caster," Arturia scowls.

"Haaah?" Medea stops smiling, all her smug superiority lost. "Nonsense. You don't know what you're talking about, Saber."

Saber spots the slight wobble on Caster's lip and seizes her opportunity. "Dresses? Pictures? Hiding away in the depths of your temple, just making clothes no one will ever see? What, for your own enjoyment?"

"A-Attila sees them! A-A-And she enjoys them! R-Right?!"

"I enjoy cute things," Attila says blandly. She squats down, observing Caster intently. The Witch of Colchis flinches at the implication.

The chance is now. Arturia does her best cruel smile; no mercy for the wicked. "Face it, Caster! You are just a common otaku." Her smile turns positively feral. "Kuzuki Souichirou would be disgusted."

The shift in the air is palpable, even without the superhuman keeness of her Instinct. Medea stands there, stewing in the accusation. She exhales, drawing her hood down. For the first time since Caster died, Arturia sees the face of the Witch of Colchis.

Flushed, red, and brimming with embarrassed fury.

This is not a face she has ever seen before but it just might be her favourite expression ever.

"T-That's not true!" The Caster asserts. "S-Souichirou-sama would a-a-accept me!"

"You don't even believe that." Here it comes, the breaking point in their debate! Arturia slams Excalibur into the ground and points at her, Mana Burst flaring for emphasis. "Accept it, Medea of Colchis! You are a WEEABOO!"

"...No! N-NO! YOU LIE, SABER!" She snaps her fingers, the world sinking at her command, and Saber feels the ghost of a vice about her neck. It fades immediately, barely even a kiss against her magical resistance. "YOU LIE! A-And for l-l-lying you will be CUTE!"

And the moment has come. Saber breaks to the left, propelled by Invisible Air. Medea incants a second too late. Even with her Divine Words, she won't cast quickly enough to catch her. She raises Excalibur, now bared to the world, and swings to split the wall open--

She feels something heavy slam into the back of her neck. It throws her off balance and sends her into the ground. By the time she lifts her head and makes another break for it, Attila is already on her, prismatic sword at her neck.

"I am so sorry, King Arthur," Okita cries out. "I'm sorry I'm sorry dammit magic resistance!"

"Please..." the King of Knights rasps, "...Call me Arturia..."

The space about her freezes. Arturia curses. She has lost her chance and is now suspended in a hamster ball of solid space. She turns about against her own volition and finds herself face to face with Caster, Medea of Colchis wild-eyed and breathing erratically.

"Y-Yes,, yes Saber... Hee.. Hehehe..." Medea giggles, "I... I was going to be m-merciful, but I see now I was w-weak! You will be cute, a-and Souichirou-sama will accept me wh-when I present you to him!"

Arturia frowns. "Kuzuki Souichirou isn't in Chaldea."

"Eh? He-He isn't?" Caster tilts her head severely, down to a right angle, and lets out an unhinged giggle. "Then I'll just make you cute enough for both of us! Haha! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

She turns about, already disappearing into a flock of butterflies. "Attila! Okita! Strip her."

Both Sabers comply immediately, one willingly and the other unwillingly. Beneath Attila's unflinching stare and Okita's constant stream of apologies, somehow Arturia can only conclude that she has fucked up.

"Probably should have mentioned Jason," she murmurs, before she is plunged into damnation.

----

"I definitely should have mentioned Jason." One makeover later, damnation takes form. Wearing a tight race queen outfit with hardly any coverage and a colour scheme that was designed to draw attention to her... body, is there any question why Arturia's face is red and her dreams are full of murder?

"Shut up, King Arthur, and smile!" Okita, wearing green and pink to contrast Arturia's blue and gold, strikes a pose instead. The camera flashes and she does the peace sign. "Just a bit longer," she says, "Just a bit longer and we can go!"

"Please, call me Arturia." Saber changes her pose, her smile beautiful but still strained, "And... Are you enjoying this?"

"...N-No?"

"Do smile, King of Knights. You are cute when you do." Beside the both of them, Attila does a cool, stoic pose at the camera. She wears a slight smile, the slightest crack in her stoic, unfeeling armor. "Yes, this is good civilisation."

"Hyaa~, this is good!" Caster, her hood lowered, cheers and claps her hands together. "Attila, you should pop your hips out some more!"

Attila nods. "Yes. I will do better."

"Okita, very good! But open your eyes more!"

The perky saber punches the air. "Ooosu!"

"...Arturia, I know you can smile better. And your pose is too wooden! You have to move, to flow like water! You stand like a man!"

"I am a king."

Caster harrumph and crosses her arms. "Well, right now you are a model. Nevermind, you are cute enough that it doesn't matter." She claps her hands together. "Alright! Next we will be doing competition swimsuits!"

Arturia looks about, inspecting every inch of this room. There isn't a pool anywhere here. "I'm not sure what the point is."

"The point, Saber, is that it looks good. And that is what matters." She gives the brit a piteous look. "Not that you'd understand, your majesty."

"Well excuse me, I was busy fighting the Sax--"

The wall explodes under the force of a hundred musket balls, not falling over so much as being pulverised by a massed rifle salvo. Medea clicks her tongue and sweeps the dust aside with the wave of a hand. What she sees is the face of a demon.

"--ons," Arturia finishes.

"I AM PURE EVIL!" The girl in black declares. "I BURN THE MONKMEN AND THE MONKWOMEN AND THE MONKCHILDREN!"

"Oh my god she's doing the speech," Okita sighs.

"Attila," Medea says.

"Yes," the Scourge of God nods, and charges for her immediately. Shielder moves, and the Sword of Mars is turned by the Shield of Mankind.

"Hurry up," Mashu grunts. She strains against the strength of the Hun, as Attila looks on with dispassionate inevitability.

"I DANCE ATSUMORI AND SLAUGHTER THOUSANDS!" The Demon Archer bellows. "WORSHIP ME! THERE ARE NONE BEFORE ME AND NONE AFTER ME! I AM THE DEMON KING OF THE SIXTH HEAVEN, ODA NOBUBU—Gah mah tonguhh!"

Nobunaga turns around and covers her mouth. All tension dies then and there. Even Attila, peerless and efficient walking genocide she is, stops matching her sword against Mashu's shield and just looks on, her expression somehow deader than ever.

"...Are you okay?" A begrieved Mashu asks.

"'M FINE!" Nobu turns around with muskets in each hand. "I'M FINE SHUT UP LETS FIGHT!"

--

Their meeting was mercifully short, fortunately enough. Lord El Melloi II had left earlier to settle some matters, but offered a draft on their plan as well as some insights on the terrain and time period that should come in handy. The four of them left just stewed for a bit, discussing the nitty-gritty details. And off-topic tangents, as all meetings do.

"...So in conclusion, we're deploying to Rome tomorrow, but we can each bring an extra servant, yes?" Ritsuka asks. Roman nods back at him. "Even if one of the Servants we bring is Herakles? Or Attila? Or, say, King Arthur?"

"Yep!" For emphasis, Da Vinci flexes her mechanical arm and cups her slender bicep. "I managed to bring an additional reactor online! Feel free to praise me for being amazing."

Kana does fingerguns at Da Vinci. "You're pretty good."

Da Vinci returns it. "Kept you waiting, huh?"

A moment passes. Dr. Roman does a wonderfully awkward cat roar. Ritsuka just looks at each and every single one of them, dangerously unhinged memelords all. "I'm going now," he says, his soul having long escaped through his eyes. "Good day, everyone."

"Is something wrong with him?" Da Vinci stage-whispers to everyone.

"He's hunting alone," Kana stage-whispers in reply. "Ocelots are proud creatures: They hunt alone!"

Ritsuka struggles not to slap himself on the face. He also struggles not to slap her on the face. That would be rude. "Why do you insist on hurting me, Kana."

His sister giggles and offers no reply. Instead, Chaldea itself offers a response. A tremor rocks through the facility and nearly tips Roman's cup of coffee over. He looks at the spill on his desk with disdain and resignation, and reaches immediately for a towel.

Da Vinci frowns and holds her chin. "...That was not one of my projects," the inventor muses.

"That was probably Aunt Saber," Kana shrugs. She hops to her feet and bounces up and down on her heels. "Sooooo shall we?"

"Yeah," her elder brother (by six minutes) nods. "Hopefully she's not too angry."

"...Mind if I stand behind you? She likes you more."

Ritsuka gives her a bright smile. "No."