Rajvik_wolfboy
Wolf amongst the stars.
- Location
- Florida
We don't have that informat, however, again, I point ,to the last part of what I said. All evidence points to WB believing that being poor makes you evil or at least a villain
Eden's Edge (Worm/Sonnie's Edge [Love, Death, and Robots])
michaelb958
(Verified Michael)
- Location
- Wherever I am, there I am
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Alternatively, it's an allegory to austerity like Joker. Screw people enough and they snap and screw back, that sort of thing.
Ganurath
Literal Enthusiast
- Location
- A Valid Location
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Triumph: Not sure if he's still a Ward, but the mayor's mansion-dwelling, vial-drinking son.
Aegis: No data.
Gallant: Dean. Enough said.
Clockblocker: Not sure if it's explicitly stated, but the PRT might be covering his dad's medical costs.
Kid Win: Based on the anecdote from Ward, his dad seems pretty blue collar. Could just be a "Homer Simpson trying to adult" moment, though.
Shadow Stalker: Her own family isn't well off, but she has the empathy of a freshly bloody brick.
Vista: If I understand the arrangement between her parents right, they have three locations of residence. One where the dad lives when mom has Missy, one where the mom lives when dad has Missy, and their original house where Vista lives consistently.
Browbeat isn't a Ward in this AU, but his family has a boat.
Lab_Accident
A 2D 1D4
- Location
- Your dreams
It's been a long time since I've read Worm, but I don't quite think the point is "being poor makes you evil". I think the point was more "being poor and lacking for basic necessities, when added to other environmental stressors in an uncaring system, might make you dangerous to yourself and others".
Because ultimately, all naturally-triggered parahumans are people with anti-social tendencies, people that went beyond the edge. People with, at best, a tenuous grap on sanity. And rich people can afford a better healthcare system, a better mental care system, and in general have an easier time of things. If Taylor could have afforded to go study at Ilumminata, would she have triggered at the Locker?
Because ultimately, all naturally-triggered parahumans are people with anti-social tendencies, people that went beyond the edge. People with, at best, a tenuous grap on sanity. And rich people can afford a better healthcare system, a better mental care system, and in general have an easier time of things. If Taylor could have afforded to go study at Ilumminata, would she have triggered at the Locker?
Rajvik_wolfboy
Wolf amongst the stars.
- Location
- Florida
probably not as it was not a POS inner city school, (i figure auto corrupt got you on Immaculata) but if she had been there she would not have:
A-had to deal with the trio
B-ignored by the administration because her tormentors were a ward and a lawyers daughter with no fear of using daddy as a threat.
C-stressed by the fact that she was going to school with gangers and their prospective recruits
D-had her work sabotaged on a regular basis
E-Assaulted on a regular basis
you get where i'm going here don't you? What WB made was a broken system simply to create a troubled and sympathetic background for his main character, and then turned the bullshite grimderp up to eleven. that is where we, the fanfictioni writers come in and try and fix things to the point that they are at least somewhat believable. that said, i believe this conversation has gone far enough afeild that it belongs in the general worm thread
edit: in fact this has given me an idea for a story that i will have to put up on said Worm general thread
A-had to deal with the trio
B-ignored by the administration because her tormentors were a ward and a lawyers daughter with no fear of using daddy as a threat.
C-stressed by the fact that she was going to school with gangers and their prospective recruits
D-had her work sabotaged on a regular basis
E-Assaulted on a regular basis
you get where i'm going here don't you? What WB made was a broken system simply to create a troubled and sympathetic background for his main character, and then turned the bullshite grimderp up to eleven. that is where we, the fanfictioni writers come in and try and fix things to the point that they are at least somewhat believable. that said, i believe this conversation has gone far enough afeild that it belongs in the general worm thread
edit: in fact this has given me an idea for a story that i will have to put up on said Worm general thread
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WhoAmEye
Bunker-Dwelling Cryptid
- Location
- Vault Birb
- Pronouns
- She/Her
given his profile pic it could go either way
Homesteads 6.2
WhoAmEye
Bunker-Dwelling Cryptid
- Location
- Vault Birb
- Pronouns
- She/Her
HEYYYY EVERYONE! I know it hasn't been that long since the last update, BUT! I AM BOUNCING IN MY SEAT EXCITED TO POST THIS! SO um. Yeah. Enjoy. Pretty please give feedback. React. Give us your thoughts, your speculation, FEED ME VALIDATION, FOR I AM A NEEDY AUTHOR WHO IS SUSTAINED BY PRAISE!
Special thanks to my lovely co-author and wife, @hellgodsrus, without whom I would never would have been able to take part in creating half my fics, and our girlfriend @SolarFlare for being awesome and also betaing! Also special thanks Prime Betas @Tamahori and @32nd_freeze and @Ganurath for being betas and feeding me validation and feedback between updates! Excitement!
Homesteads
6.2
-.-.-
I was careful not to knock the hearing aid as I dried my hair. It was so much… it was so different having it short after having it long for so - well, long. I couldn't use it to hide behind anymore. But, on the other hand, smol tiddy punk gf.
I knocked on Amy's door. "Hey, Amy? You still in there?"
There was a muffled noise that might have been 'go away' but was far more likely to be 'yes I am please come in Taylor I would love the company'.
I shut the door behind me and got glared at from a tiny opening in the blanket fortress on the bed. "Told you to go away."
"And as we all know, I suck at following instructions." I sat down on the bed next to her, watching the far wall. I was kind of surprised she didn't have a TV in here, but there was a computer monitor playing Kung Fu Panda.
We sat there in silence - or seething silence, in Amy's case - for a while.
"We need to talk."
"No."
"Believe me, I don't want to either." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "But we gotta. I'm not gonna like - go sharing whatever I learn, but there are some things I need to know. First and foremost would be what the hell made you freak out about me needing to call Mom back?" I lazily turned my head to look at her blanket fort. "You've been acting weird ever since and - and that's not even thinking about the fustercluck on the opening night."
Angry silence.
"Look, if you don't tell me, I'm just going to start guessing. Apparently I've become good at that lately." I grumbled. "I have no idea why you'd be upset about me contacting Mom -"
"Yes, because contacting a supervillain is always a great call - wait."
"Hm?"
"She didn't call you? Before the Nazi attack?" She frowned at me.
"Uh. No, I called her."
"But you said you needed to call her back. Usually implying that the other person called you."
"Oh." I blinked. Shrugged. "Well, you saw the state I was in. If I recall correctly, I was so out of it I tried a pickup line about licking your freckles shortly afterwards."
Aaand back to - crying? I was expecting a grumpy Amy scowl, not -
"Uh. Ames? You okay there?"
Her shoulders started shaking as she shook her head, laughing, curling into a ball.
"Okay, um. I was not prepared for this, so - you get hugs." I wrapped my arms around her fortress and pulled her close even as her manic laughter was interspersed with loud sobs. "There there, it's okay, I'm guessing - I'm guessing you talked to Mom before the attack happened. And… you were worried she told me you visited? Or something… happened in the visit." Gauging her sniffles was difficult, but my eyes widened. "Shit, you didn't threaten to give her cancer or something, did you?"
She stiffened, then started laughing even harder "Cancer - if only - " The laughter shifted to sobs, but it only lasted a moment before she collapsed against me again.
I groaned. "Christ, Amy. We need to find some way of destressing you, because this sounds like something I'd do when I'm up to my eyeballs in problems." Stroking her hair, letting her use my shoulder. "Opening night - I saw Otachi's corpse. Blue blood that glowed. That seems a bit… complex for Mom's tech right now, doesn't it?" Not accusing, not even acknowledging you had something to do with it.
Amy nodded against me. Ignoring the snot that got on my shirt…
"It's okay. I understand." I don't, really, but holy shit I am not going to try ostracizing her right now. Or ever. "I'm not going to tell anyone unless you explicitly tell me to, okay?"
"Saddest part is - thought you - understood now." She gave a pathetic little hiccuping giggle. "Guess not! Amy fucks it up again…"
"Explain it, then. I want to understand." Stroking her hair, tipping her chin up a little so I could look her in the eyes. "I want to help, it's up to you to tell me how. I don't think screaming things you want to keep hidden from the rooftops is the solution."
"I'm the danger." Her voice was so quiet. "You can't help. You think - you think, what, I'm a sad little healer girl? That I'm depressed, snarky little Amelia? I can feel every pulse of your heart, I can see - the way your muscles and bones fit together and I can peel it apart like I was paring fruit."
"Amy." I grabbed her face and held her still. "Yes. You are legitimately fucking terrifying and could depopulate the planet on a whim. Why would I push you towards that?"
She smiled up at me, wide, manic. "Because I'm going to anyway? One day it won't be enough all the rules and the evil inside me will bubble up it's like tar in my lungs and it will burst. And you think I'd depopulate the planet. I'm more selfish than that."
And she lunged up and kissed me.
A billion things ran through my mind in that moment, but - in hindsight, the first and foremost thing sadly wasn't 'holy fuck help her help her help her indulge her until you can find a professional to help her holy fuck', but 'wow her lips are soft'.
I didn't dare push her away, just holding her, letting her get it out.
Then, she bit me. Hard. Not fun hard but ow fuck let the fuck go hard.
I grabbed her hair and tugged, balling my fist and making her whimper, pulling her just enough for us to breathe. She fought back, something that had to hurt, but she hadn't paralyzed me, and she didn't seem to be in the right mind to discuss something as sane as safewords. "Amy."
She laughed and spat a speckle of blood in my face. "I'd make you into a couch, I think. I'm not safe. I'm not cute, I'm not hot, I'm fucked, and what I want is fucked, and you'd be fucked to fuck me." She laughed again.
"So what do you want? To be punished? Bent over a knee and spanked?" I growled. "Locked up with the key thrown away? Because news flash, Amy, we're all fucked. Some are just more capable than others."
"Cause you've got it too. Your mom. You both have it boiling inside you too. Less than me but you do." She giggled. "I threatened to give her a festering wound that would never heal. Turn her and all her employees into my personal sex dungeon and make them love it. What do you think of that?"
I think you're fucking insane and trying to get yourself killed.
"No answer I give is going to satisfy you, Amy." I glared. "You want me to call you a monster, a psychopath, validate that little chunk inside you telling you you're evil. Like what, it's genetic?"
"Your mom's a villain. My dad's a villain. You can feel it, can't you?" Her eyes were wild. Somewhere in the background some sort of animated shenanigans were happening from the music. She laughed again, and the tips of her teeth were stained red from where she'd bitten me.
"All I can feel, Amy," I pushed her down on the bed, pinning her wrists under my hands and straddling her duvet-covered body, "Is disappointment. You aren't a sad little healer, and so what if you're a villain's daughter. You think you've got some kind of evil legacy to live up to? Why?"
"BECAUSE WHY ELSE WOULD I WANT TO DO THESE THINGS IF I WASN'T BORN EVIL?!"
I sighed. She was shaking again, but the laughter had stopped. Maybe she was hitting the manic adrenaline crash. "Nobody is born evil. Nobody is born good, either. You were raised to believe this." I let go of her wrist to stroke her hair again. "It all makes sense now. Horrible, terrible sense." A near absentee father figure, an incredibly stern mother figure who didn't seem all that warm to foreign people put under her care - whoever's idea it was to have her adopt the daughter of a villain? I owed them a punch or two.
She was sobbing again. "No, no, I'm evil, I'm evil and wrong and it's inside of me and I can't stop it - "
"Amy. Listen to me. You've stopped it for years. It sounds like the only person you're trying to convince right now is yourself. If you truly were evil, would your sister love you as much as she does? If you were evil, why on earth would you be allowed near a hospital? You aren't evil. You've just got evil thoughts getting in the way right now." I pulled her up into a hug.
"My sister wouldn't love me if she knew - no-one could love me - I'm evil - I'm so evil - " She sobbed into my shoulder, hands clawing at my back. "I'm evil, I'm evil, I'm evil - "
"You're good. You're generous. You're goddamn Panacea. You've saved more lives than I could count, given so many second chances to so many people - so many who didn't deserve them - would it be so bad to give yourself a second chance? I'm pretty sure there's nothing short of actually sculpting Victoria into a couch or something that could make her hate you, not if you tried to reach an understanding with her." I am so not qualified for this - no fucking wonder Abby needed space.
"I want her." Her voice was almost inaudible it was so quiet.
I blinked. Selfish - want her - the sudden kiss and damn near biting half my lip off - "... okay, I can see how she might be startled and take it badly, especially right now, but -" think quick think quicker! "- do you. Um. Remember how old you were when you were adopted? I'm just thinking about the westermark effect or whatever it's called."
"It's not westermark. I'm just a fucked up, evil, incestuous bitch." She leant back from me and sniffed. Face blank, but also somehow triumphant. "I looked it up. After I worked it out. Do you think I'm not evil now?"
I sighed. "Given I've spent more time than I want to admit thinking about Mom - or, Lilith, at least - as a dominatrix? No, I don't think a little bit of pseudo-incestuousness makes you evil. You're not evil, Amy. Fucked up, yes, up the wazoo, and yes, you can be a bit of a bitch, but guess fucking what? I don't blame you." I poked her chest. "That night at Eden? That's the first time I remember getting caught by Vicky's aura. I thought she was a goddess. Wanted to worship her like one, too. Guess I'm lucky I can't feel it by remote, but - Christ, I can't imagine feeling that for years at a time."
"It's not the aura. It's not her fault." Amy frowned.
"You sure?" I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not saying it's her fault either, but that thing is pretty powerful."
"Yes."
"Okay then." I nodded. "Do you… wanna talk about it? I mean - getting this off your chest seems to be helping a bit." I shifted over next to her so we could lay down and I could keep an arm around her. To keep her from bolting or… I dunno, feel evil again.
"What's there to talk about? I want to wrap Victoria around me like a blanket. Literally, sometimes. I want her to say hey, Ames, then stick her tongue down my throat, because I'm perverted and wrong."
"Hey." I booped her nose. "No calling yourself perverted and evil. We're sticking to positive things right now, like Victoria." I cuddled her a little closer. "Why don't we talk about why? I know why I've caught feelings for her. I could share first, if you want."
"It's not the point. The point is - " She wiped at her face. "I'm evil. That's the point. My feelings - why I feel doesn't matter so much as the fact that I do at all."
"So you like your sister. It's not like you're shouting 'heil Hitler' from the top of Medhall or anything. You know how evil that guy was? Hitler? At the time, he convinced most of Germany that he was the good guy. Good and evil aren't really anything more than the opinions of the victors. Remember how we had a whole civil war over slavery and the ones wanting to release the slaves -"
"You do know both of those apply to me and my desires too, right?"
"Well…" I frowned. "Shit. You know what I'm trying to get at, right? Who's been telling you you're evil? Because this idea certainly didn't come from yourself."
"I mean, it did. What, do you - do you want to blame Victoria? Mark? Carol? No. They're - Mark's good, he struggles but he's good. And Carol can suck but if she knew this she'd just kill me. I know - I know that I'm evil." She gave a gasping little breath. "I can feel it. I could always feel it, but finding out about my father made me sure about what it was. It's evil, and it's me. Me is evil."
"Amy, I hate to break it to you, but I think that might actually be depression." Stroking her hair some more. "But Carol killing you if she knew? She took you in. I have no idea why right now, but - if you wanted to be killed for being evil. You'd just tell her. And you haven't. Because either you aren't evil, or you are and you're fighting that part of you." A gentle squeeze. Just - telling her what I'd want to be told. "And I think you're winning."
She shook her head. "I'm not. I wouldn't - why - "
"It won a few battles. This is a war." I impulsively kissed her forehead. And then frowned and wiped away the little bloody lip-print I left behind. "You know that old saying about two wolves inside you? One's good, one's evil? The one that wins is the one you feed? We've all got a little evil inside us. Hell, if you want to see what happens to those who feed the bad wolf, just look at our local nazi infestation. This is America, I'm legally allowed to own and open carry a gun in some states before I'm old enough to legally drink."
"It's so hard to keep fighting it. It's so much of me." Her eyes were shiny and damp again.
"And that's where the other part comes in." I said softly, stroking her hair. "No matter how strong we are alone, we're always stronger with friends. So no matter what happens, no matter how hard you try to push me away, I promise you this; I've got your back. I'll help you fight the evil wolf inside you. Okay?"
"Even though I still want my evil fleshy sex dungeon?"
"Kinky, but if we ask Mom, maybe the Garden could gain an adult attraction?" I shrugged. "The living sex dungeon is a neat idea, as long as it's not hurting people to make, it could be fun."
"Hmph." She sniffled, and I caught a hint of a smile. "Probably the made out of people thing would have to be axed too."
"That too. But hey, if the work you did on opening night is any indicator, Mom can provide plentiful material for you to work with."
"And all sorts of perverts would be interested in it." She snorted. "Like me. God, the tabloids would love it. Panacea the Prostitute…"
"Nobody would have to know it's you, specifically." I smiled softly. "Hell, I have no idea how, but nobody realised you were involved on opening night. That was pretty amazing. You could always have two cape lives. One as Panacea, and one as the dark and mysterious Mistress Echidna, protégé of Lilith."
Amy choked out a laugh. "What? 'Mistress Echidna'?"
"Well, y'know, there's that myth about Echidna the mother of monsters, half woman, half monster - half snake - and mistress because Lilith has the whole domme theme going on. Also echidnas - the ocean ones - are kinda spiky." I booped her nose. "Like you."
She slapped my hand away, trying to scowl, but her wide smile was overpowering it. Mission accomplished. Keep Amy from doing something horrific and turning us all into her flesh garden. "Echidnas are hedgehog anteater things. You're thinking of urchins."
I blinked. "Damn. Could have sworn - ah well. Both are spiky." I chuckled and cuddled her close. "I could ask Mom if she'd be interested. Because, frankly, it sounds like you need a holiday." To get away from your sister, away from Mark's neglect, and Carol's - coldness. And I have no idea how I'm going to broach that topic on them, let alone doing it without accidentally triggering another spiral of whatever the fuck that was.
"Not letting you feed your wolf." She curled up, eyes returning to look at the screen where Po was being motivated by food into learning how to fight. "Why is crying so exhausting?"
"Because it's the process of letting bottled up emotions out, but unlike bottles, tear ducts are tiny so it takes a while." Hm. "Which, ironically, makes them a bit of a bottleneck?"
"That sounds really stupid."
"Probably because it is." I shrugged, rubbing her shoulder. "It's emotionally exhausting because it's admitting to ourselves all this stuff we hide away. Pulling down that facade of okayness - it's like it's spring loaded. Gotta keep it down to go through the grieving process or whatever, y'know?" I sighed. "And afterwards you don't feel like doing anything. Which is like… half of the processing bit. I honestly don't know I'm just pulling words out my ass that feel vaguely appropriate."
"Mmm. At least… someone knows now. That feels. Good." She shifted. "I thought someone knowing would kill me. Or - or kill this family. I thought I'd have to leave. But it just feels… I don't know. Maybe not good. But not - apocalyptic." The quilt bunched tighter around her.
"One thing I've always been told is, no matter how good your relationship is with your family, it'll only improve when you move out. Probably because you only end up communicating when there's good things to talk about rather than 'how dare you leave your dishes on the bench like that' and stuff." I smiled a little as Po rolled down the hill, chopstick battle going on. "Pity we don't have our own Oogway to give us sage prophetic advice."
She sat there silently for a while. "What do you think would happen? If I - told them."
I grimaced. "Not sure how Victoria would feel. Probably guilty. Carol'd go ballistic, probably. She strikes me as the kind of ordered, strictured…" I paused, trying to find the words. "I think that kind of structuring has helped build this black-and-white view that's probably been feeding your evil wolf. I don't think it's her fault but - well, you said she'd kill you if she thought you were evil. Mark… might blame himself for not being there. I haven't met the rest of New Wave yet, so I have no idea, but I'm honestly wondering who's idea it was for Carol to adopt you. Like, she might be a good mother, I don't know, but I can't see her as good of an adoptive mother? Strict and… standoffish." I winced, sitting up a little. "I feel like I'm putting too much blame on her, but Victoria seems to be a highlight of your life and Mark's - not there enough to have the kind of impact that'd lead to this."
Amy squinted at me, face screwed up. "Do you study psychology or something?"
"Yup. Had a brief stint with it last year trying to figure out why Emma turned into such a bitch and it helped me figure out the people around me a little so I kept at it." I shrugged. "I'm no replacement for someone actually qualified but I can make some educated wild guesses and deductions."
She huffed and curled in on herself some more. "Can probably make a fortune studying it properly. Getting qualified and telling fuckups like me why we're fucked up."
"Victoria was trying to convince me to talk to a therapist the other day. It's worth a shot." I shrugged. "And remember; just because you're fucked up doesn't mean you're the fuckup. Okay? It's not like you just up and decided one day, 'Oh, I'm going to go do bad things, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!' or something when you were five."
"Why does… why does that sound like you're talking from experience?"
"Emma and I made terrible pirates back in the day." I grinned, squinting one eye shut. "Hunting for booty. Arrr."
"Can you take anything seriously?"
"Well that's just it. If I take this crapshoot world too seriously, I'm just going to become a depressed wreck. I mean, between the Endbringers, the roaming S-Class threats, the local Nazi infestation, the local sex slave traffickers, the druggies, drunk drivers… dead Dad..." I shrugged sadly, looking down. "Think about it too much and you wonder what future there is. Why. So I just… don't. I'm alive today, I'll hopefully keep to the trend and be alive next week, I've got friends, family, food, memes, porn… I mean, look at me. Scarred to fuck and back, existing only by proxy. At this point I'm Tinkertech. Tinkertech requires maintenance, which I'm not gonna get when the PRT finally comes down on Mom like the angry hammer of god." I sighed, slumping. "So I doubt I'm here for a long time. Might as well be here for a good time."
After a long while of silence, in which I'm pretty sure neither of us were paying attention to the movie, Amy lay down next to me and snuggled into my side, sniffling again. "Fuck you." She mumbled.
"Fuck you too, Amy." I said softly, stroking her hair.
I think we both fell asleep before the credits started to roll.
-.-.-
Special thanks to my lovely co-author and wife, @hellgodsrus, without whom I would never would have been able to take part in creating half my fics, and our girlfriend @SolarFlare for being awesome and also betaing! Also special thanks Prime Betas @Tamahori and @32nd_freeze and @Ganurath for being betas and feeding me validation and feedback between updates! Excitement!
Homesteads
6.2
-.-.-
I was careful not to knock the hearing aid as I dried my hair. It was so much… it was so different having it short after having it long for so - well, long. I couldn't use it to hide behind anymore. But, on the other hand, smol tiddy punk gf.
I knocked on Amy's door. "Hey, Amy? You still in there?"
There was a muffled noise that might have been 'go away' but was far more likely to be 'yes I am please come in Taylor I would love the company'.
I shut the door behind me and got glared at from a tiny opening in the blanket fortress on the bed. "Told you to go away."
"And as we all know, I suck at following instructions." I sat down on the bed next to her, watching the far wall. I was kind of surprised she didn't have a TV in here, but there was a computer monitor playing Kung Fu Panda.
We sat there in silence - or seething silence, in Amy's case - for a while.
"We need to talk."
"No."
"Believe me, I don't want to either." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "But we gotta. I'm not gonna like - go sharing whatever I learn, but there are some things I need to know. First and foremost would be what the hell made you freak out about me needing to call Mom back?" I lazily turned my head to look at her blanket fort. "You've been acting weird ever since and - and that's not even thinking about the fustercluck on the opening night."
Angry silence.
"Look, if you don't tell me, I'm just going to start guessing. Apparently I've become good at that lately." I grumbled. "I have no idea why you'd be upset about me contacting Mom -"
"Yes, because contacting a supervillain is always a great call - wait."
"Hm?"
"She didn't call you? Before the Nazi attack?" She frowned at me.
"Uh. No, I called her."
"But you said you needed to call her back. Usually implying that the other person called you."
"Oh." I blinked. Shrugged. "Well, you saw the state I was in. If I recall correctly, I was so out of it I tried a pickup line about licking your freckles shortly afterwards."
Aaand back to - crying? I was expecting a grumpy Amy scowl, not -
"Uh. Ames? You okay there?"
Her shoulders started shaking as she shook her head, laughing, curling into a ball.
"Okay, um. I was not prepared for this, so - you get hugs." I wrapped my arms around her fortress and pulled her close even as her manic laughter was interspersed with loud sobs. "There there, it's okay, I'm guessing - I'm guessing you talked to Mom before the attack happened. And… you were worried she told me you visited? Or something… happened in the visit." Gauging her sniffles was difficult, but my eyes widened. "Shit, you didn't threaten to give her cancer or something, did you?"
She stiffened, then started laughing even harder "Cancer - if only - " The laughter shifted to sobs, but it only lasted a moment before she collapsed against me again.
I groaned. "Christ, Amy. We need to find some way of destressing you, because this sounds like something I'd do when I'm up to my eyeballs in problems." Stroking her hair, letting her use my shoulder. "Opening night - I saw Otachi's corpse. Blue blood that glowed. That seems a bit… complex for Mom's tech right now, doesn't it?" Not accusing, not even acknowledging you had something to do with it.
Amy nodded against me. Ignoring the snot that got on my shirt…
"It's okay. I understand." I don't, really, but holy shit I am not going to try ostracizing her right now. Or ever. "I'm not going to tell anyone unless you explicitly tell me to, okay?"
"Saddest part is - thought you - understood now." She gave a pathetic little hiccuping giggle. "Guess not! Amy fucks it up again…"
"Explain it, then. I want to understand." Stroking her hair, tipping her chin up a little so I could look her in the eyes. "I want to help, it's up to you to tell me how. I don't think screaming things you want to keep hidden from the rooftops is the solution."
"I'm the danger." Her voice was so quiet. "You can't help. You think - you think, what, I'm a sad little healer girl? That I'm depressed, snarky little Amelia? I can feel every pulse of your heart, I can see - the way your muscles and bones fit together and I can peel it apart like I was paring fruit."
"Amy." I grabbed her face and held her still. "Yes. You are legitimately fucking terrifying and could depopulate the planet on a whim. Why would I push you towards that?"
She smiled up at me, wide, manic. "Because I'm going to anyway? One day it won't be enough all the rules and the evil inside me will bubble up it's like tar in my lungs and it will burst. And you think I'd depopulate the planet. I'm more selfish than that."
And she lunged up and kissed me.
A billion things ran through my mind in that moment, but - in hindsight, the first and foremost thing sadly wasn't 'holy fuck help her help her help her indulge her until you can find a professional to help her holy fuck', but 'wow her lips are soft'.
I didn't dare push her away, just holding her, letting her get it out.
Then, she bit me. Hard. Not fun hard but ow fuck let the fuck go hard.
I grabbed her hair and tugged, balling my fist and making her whimper, pulling her just enough for us to breathe. She fought back, something that had to hurt, but she hadn't paralyzed me, and she didn't seem to be in the right mind to discuss something as sane as safewords. "Amy."
She laughed and spat a speckle of blood in my face. "I'd make you into a couch, I think. I'm not safe. I'm not cute, I'm not hot, I'm fucked, and what I want is fucked, and you'd be fucked to fuck me." She laughed again.
"So what do you want? To be punished? Bent over a knee and spanked?" I growled. "Locked up with the key thrown away? Because news flash, Amy, we're all fucked. Some are just more capable than others."
"Cause you've got it too. Your mom. You both have it boiling inside you too. Less than me but you do." She giggled. "I threatened to give her a festering wound that would never heal. Turn her and all her employees into my personal sex dungeon and make them love it. What do you think of that?"
I think you're fucking insane and trying to get yourself killed.
"No answer I give is going to satisfy you, Amy." I glared. "You want me to call you a monster, a psychopath, validate that little chunk inside you telling you you're evil. Like what, it's genetic?"
"Your mom's a villain. My dad's a villain. You can feel it, can't you?" Her eyes were wild. Somewhere in the background some sort of animated shenanigans were happening from the music. She laughed again, and the tips of her teeth were stained red from where she'd bitten me.
"All I can feel, Amy," I pushed her down on the bed, pinning her wrists under my hands and straddling her duvet-covered body, "Is disappointment. You aren't a sad little healer, and so what if you're a villain's daughter. You think you've got some kind of evil legacy to live up to? Why?"
"BECAUSE WHY ELSE WOULD I WANT TO DO THESE THINGS IF I WASN'T BORN EVIL?!"
I sighed. She was shaking again, but the laughter had stopped. Maybe she was hitting the manic adrenaline crash. "Nobody is born evil. Nobody is born good, either. You were raised to believe this." I let go of her wrist to stroke her hair again. "It all makes sense now. Horrible, terrible sense." A near absentee father figure, an incredibly stern mother figure who didn't seem all that warm to foreign people put under her care - whoever's idea it was to have her adopt the daughter of a villain? I owed them a punch or two.
She was sobbing again. "No, no, I'm evil, I'm evil and wrong and it's inside of me and I can't stop it - "
"Amy. Listen to me. You've stopped it for years. It sounds like the only person you're trying to convince right now is yourself. If you truly were evil, would your sister love you as much as she does? If you were evil, why on earth would you be allowed near a hospital? You aren't evil. You've just got evil thoughts getting in the way right now." I pulled her up into a hug.
"My sister wouldn't love me if she knew - no-one could love me - I'm evil - I'm so evil - " She sobbed into my shoulder, hands clawing at my back. "I'm evil, I'm evil, I'm evil - "
"You're good. You're generous. You're goddamn Panacea. You've saved more lives than I could count, given so many second chances to so many people - so many who didn't deserve them - would it be so bad to give yourself a second chance? I'm pretty sure there's nothing short of actually sculpting Victoria into a couch or something that could make her hate you, not if you tried to reach an understanding with her." I am so not qualified for this - no fucking wonder Abby needed space.
"I want her." Her voice was almost inaudible it was so quiet.
I blinked. Selfish - want her - the sudden kiss and damn near biting half my lip off - "... okay, I can see how she might be startled and take it badly, especially right now, but -" think quick think quicker! "- do you. Um. Remember how old you were when you were adopted? I'm just thinking about the westermark effect or whatever it's called."
"It's not westermark. I'm just a fucked up, evil, incestuous bitch." She leant back from me and sniffed. Face blank, but also somehow triumphant. "I looked it up. After I worked it out. Do you think I'm not evil now?"
I sighed. "Given I've spent more time than I want to admit thinking about Mom - or, Lilith, at least - as a dominatrix? No, I don't think a little bit of pseudo-incestuousness makes you evil. You're not evil, Amy. Fucked up, yes, up the wazoo, and yes, you can be a bit of a bitch, but guess fucking what? I don't blame you." I poked her chest. "That night at Eden? That's the first time I remember getting caught by Vicky's aura. I thought she was a goddess. Wanted to worship her like one, too. Guess I'm lucky I can't feel it by remote, but - Christ, I can't imagine feeling that for years at a time."
"It's not the aura. It's not her fault." Amy frowned.
"You sure?" I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not saying it's her fault either, but that thing is pretty powerful."
"Yes."
"Okay then." I nodded. "Do you… wanna talk about it? I mean - getting this off your chest seems to be helping a bit." I shifted over next to her so we could lay down and I could keep an arm around her. To keep her from bolting or… I dunno, feel evil again.
"What's there to talk about? I want to wrap Victoria around me like a blanket. Literally, sometimes. I want her to say hey, Ames, then stick her tongue down my throat, because I'm perverted and wrong."
"Hey." I booped her nose. "No calling yourself perverted and evil. We're sticking to positive things right now, like Victoria." I cuddled her a little closer. "Why don't we talk about why? I know why I've caught feelings for her. I could share first, if you want."
"It's not the point. The point is - " She wiped at her face. "I'm evil. That's the point. My feelings - why I feel doesn't matter so much as the fact that I do at all."
"So you like your sister. It's not like you're shouting 'heil Hitler' from the top of Medhall or anything. You know how evil that guy was? Hitler? At the time, he convinced most of Germany that he was the good guy. Good and evil aren't really anything more than the opinions of the victors. Remember how we had a whole civil war over slavery and the ones wanting to release the slaves -"
"You do know both of those apply to me and my desires too, right?"
"Well…" I frowned. "Shit. You know what I'm trying to get at, right? Who's been telling you you're evil? Because this idea certainly didn't come from yourself."
"I mean, it did. What, do you - do you want to blame Victoria? Mark? Carol? No. They're - Mark's good, he struggles but he's good. And Carol can suck but if she knew this she'd just kill me. I know - I know that I'm evil." She gave a gasping little breath. "I can feel it. I could always feel it, but finding out about my father made me sure about what it was. It's evil, and it's me. Me is evil."
"Amy, I hate to break it to you, but I think that might actually be depression." Stroking her hair some more. "But Carol killing you if she knew? She took you in. I have no idea why right now, but - if you wanted to be killed for being evil. You'd just tell her. And you haven't. Because either you aren't evil, or you are and you're fighting that part of you." A gentle squeeze. Just - telling her what I'd want to be told. "And I think you're winning."
She shook her head. "I'm not. I wouldn't - why - "
"It won a few battles. This is a war." I impulsively kissed her forehead. And then frowned and wiped away the little bloody lip-print I left behind. "You know that old saying about two wolves inside you? One's good, one's evil? The one that wins is the one you feed? We've all got a little evil inside us. Hell, if you want to see what happens to those who feed the bad wolf, just look at our local nazi infestation. This is America, I'm legally allowed to own and open carry a gun in some states before I'm old enough to legally drink."
"It's so hard to keep fighting it. It's so much of me." Her eyes were shiny and damp again.
"And that's where the other part comes in." I said softly, stroking her hair. "No matter how strong we are alone, we're always stronger with friends. So no matter what happens, no matter how hard you try to push me away, I promise you this; I've got your back. I'll help you fight the evil wolf inside you. Okay?"
"Even though I still want my evil fleshy sex dungeon?"
"Kinky, but if we ask Mom, maybe the Garden could gain an adult attraction?" I shrugged. "The living sex dungeon is a neat idea, as long as it's not hurting people to make, it could be fun."
"Hmph." She sniffled, and I caught a hint of a smile. "Probably the made out of people thing would have to be axed too."
"That too. But hey, if the work you did on opening night is any indicator, Mom can provide plentiful material for you to work with."
"And all sorts of perverts would be interested in it." She snorted. "Like me. God, the tabloids would love it. Panacea the Prostitute…"
"Nobody would have to know it's you, specifically." I smiled softly. "Hell, I have no idea how, but nobody realised you were involved on opening night. That was pretty amazing. You could always have two cape lives. One as Panacea, and one as the dark and mysterious Mistress Echidna, protégé of Lilith."
Amy choked out a laugh. "What? 'Mistress Echidna'?"
"Well, y'know, there's that myth about Echidna the mother of monsters, half woman, half monster - half snake - and mistress because Lilith has the whole domme theme going on. Also echidnas - the ocean ones - are kinda spiky." I booped her nose. "Like you."
She slapped my hand away, trying to scowl, but her wide smile was overpowering it. Mission accomplished. Keep Amy from doing something horrific and turning us all into her flesh garden. "Echidnas are hedgehog anteater things. You're thinking of urchins."
I blinked. "Damn. Could have sworn - ah well. Both are spiky." I chuckled and cuddled her close. "I could ask Mom if she'd be interested. Because, frankly, it sounds like you need a holiday." To get away from your sister, away from Mark's neglect, and Carol's - coldness. And I have no idea how I'm going to broach that topic on them, let alone doing it without accidentally triggering another spiral of whatever the fuck that was.
"Not letting you feed your wolf." She curled up, eyes returning to look at the screen where Po was being motivated by food into learning how to fight. "Why is crying so exhausting?"
"Because it's the process of letting bottled up emotions out, but unlike bottles, tear ducts are tiny so it takes a while." Hm. "Which, ironically, makes them a bit of a bottleneck?"
"That sounds really stupid."
"Probably because it is." I shrugged, rubbing her shoulder. "It's emotionally exhausting because it's admitting to ourselves all this stuff we hide away. Pulling down that facade of okayness - it's like it's spring loaded. Gotta keep it down to go through the grieving process or whatever, y'know?" I sighed. "And afterwards you don't feel like doing anything. Which is like… half of the processing bit. I honestly don't know I'm just pulling words out my ass that feel vaguely appropriate."
"Mmm. At least… someone knows now. That feels. Good." She shifted. "I thought someone knowing would kill me. Or - or kill this family. I thought I'd have to leave. But it just feels… I don't know. Maybe not good. But not - apocalyptic." The quilt bunched tighter around her.
"One thing I've always been told is, no matter how good your relationship is with your family, it'll only improve when you move out. Probably because you only end up communicating when there's good things to talk about rather than 'how dare you leave your dishes on the bench like that' and stuff." I smiled a little as Po rolled down the hill, chopstick battle going on. "Pity we don't have our own Oogway to give us sage prophetic advice."
She sat there silently for a while. "What do you think would happen? If I - told them."
I grimaced. "Not sure how Victoria would feel. Probably guilty. Carol'd go ballistic, probably. She strikes me as the kind of ordered, strictured…" I paused, trying to find the words. "I think that kind of structuring has helped build this black-and-white view that's probably been feeding your evil wolf. I don't think it's her fault but - well, you said she'd kill you if she thought you were evil. Mark… might blame himself for not being there. I haven't met the rest of New Wave yet, so I have no idea, but I'm honestly wondering who's idea it was for Carol to adopt you. Like, she might be a good mother, I don't know, but I can't see her as good of an adoptive mother? Strict and… standoffish." I winced, sitting up a little. "I feel like I'm putting too much blame on her, but Victoria seems to be a highlight of your life and Mark's - not there enough to have the kind of impact that'd lead to this."
Amy squinted at me, face screwed up. "Do you study psychology or something?"
"Yup. Had a brief stint with it last year trying to figure out why Emma turned into such a bitch and it helped me figure out the people around me a little so I kept at it." I shrugged. "I'm no replacement for someone actually qualified but I can make some educated wild guesses and deductions."
She huffed and curled in on herself some more. "Can probably make a fortune studying it properly. Getting qualified and telling fuckups like me why we're fucked up."
"Victoria was trying to convince me to talk to a therapist the other day. It's worth a shot." I shrugged. "And remember; just because you're fucked up doesn't mean you're the fuckup. Okay? It's not like you just up and decided one day, 'Oh, I'm going to go do bad things, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!' or something when you were five."
"Why does… why does that sound like you're talking from experience?"
"Emma and I made terrible pirates back in the day." I grinned, squinting one eye shut. "Hunting for booty. Arrr."
"Can you take anything seriously?"
"Well that's just it. If I take this crapshoot world too seriously, I'm just going to become a depressed wreck. I mean, between the Endbringers, the roaming S-Class threats, the local Nazi infestation, the local sex slave traffickers, the druggies, drunk drivers… dead Dad..." I shrugged sadly, looking down. "Think about it too much and you wonder what future there is. Why. So I just… don't. I'm alive today, I'll hopefully keep to the trend and be alive next week, I've got friends, family, food, memes, porn… I mean, look at me. Scarred to fuck and back, existing only by proxy. At this point I'm Tinkertech. Tinkertech requires maintenance, which I'm not gonna get when the PRT finally comes down on Mom like the angry hammer of god." I sighed, slumping. "So I doubt I'm here for a long time. Might as well be here for a good time."
After a long while of silence, in which I'm pretty sure neither of us were paying attention to the movie, Amy lay down next to me and snuggled into my side, sniffling again. "Fuck you." She mumbled.
"Fuck you too, Amy." I said softly, stroking her hair.
I think we both fell asleep before the credits started to roll.
-.-.-
- Location
- Norfolk, England
Okay, that was cute. Also, people communicating? In a Worm fic? What madness is this?
Doomreaver
Fluffy Tail Enthusiast
I wish to brush the metaphorical wolves, please.
I'm not sure whether to hope someone sees Amy and Taylor sleeping together, or for them to wake up and separate without anyone seeing. Either has the potential for Consequences.
I'm not sure whether to hope someone sees Amy and Taylor sleeping together, or for them to wake up and separate without anyone seeing. Either has the potential for Consequences.
Lab_Accident
A 2D 1D4
- Location
- Your dreams
DAAAAAW!
But seriously, thank you, QM, for this wonderful chapter. It's the first one in a while that didn't taste bittersweet. Sure, it dealt with heavy stuff, but it was a release, a bond of friendship, it was Taylor surprisingly being a voice of reason, it was caring, it was hugs, it was talking to a friend when you're feeling down. Taylor doesn't replace a good psychologist, but at that moment, she was what Amy needed, and if that isn't the single most powerful act of heroism in this story so far I don't know what is.
Doesn't really help solve everything. Amy's inner demons are kept at bay for one night, but tomorrow it's back to the same old thing again. But it's not the same old thing, because Taylor is there to listen, to help in her insane, hare-brained idea-having way, and I do believe that one day at a time, things can get better. Now, does the entire Dallon household need psychological help desperately and immediately? Sure. But it's a small step in the right direction.
I've always known Taylor was caring, but this is the first spot in a while where she hasn't been focused on her own problems, and her caring side shone through. It was wonderful, and I actually think "Taylor the Cape Psychologist" would be an awesome idea, Taylor learning to help all the capes she knows, making the world better not by being an angry Kaiju (or not just by being an angry Kaiju), but by actually giving some of the most dangerous people in the planet a safe spot to be just human, for a bit.
But seriously, thank you, QM, for this wonderful chapter. It's the first one in a while that didn't taste bittersweet. Sure, it dealt with heavy stuff, but it was a release, a bond of friendship, it was Taylor surprisingly being a voice of reason, it was caring, it was hugs, it was talking to a friend when you're feeling down. Taylor doesn't replace a good psychologist, but at that moment, she was what Amy needed, and if that isn't the single most powerful act of heroism in this story so far I don't know what is.
Doesn't really help solve everything. Amy's inner demons are kept at bay for one night, but tomorrow it's back to the same old thing again. But it's not the same old thing, because Taylor is there to listen, to help in her insane, hare-brained idea-having way, and I do believe that one day at a time, things can get better. Now, does the entire Dallon household need psychological help desperately and immediately? Sure. But it's a small step in the right direction.
I've always known Taylor was caring, but this is the first spot in a while where she hasn't been focused on her own problems, and her caring side shone through. It was wonderful, and I actually think "Taylor the Cape Psychologist" would be an awesome idea, Taylor learning to help all the capes she knows, making the world better not by being an angry Kaiju (or not just by being an angry Kaiju), but by actually giving some of the most dangerous people in the planet a safe spot to be just human, for a bit.
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WhoAmEye
Bunker-Dwelling Cryptid
- Location
- Vault Birb
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Taylor: Ironically I'm not even human myself
Amy: Great, now you can bond with Case 53's too.
*later on, when the cauldron reveal and shit happens*
Weld: She's an honorary member.
Irregulars: But she wasn't experimented on by Cauldron!
Taylor: Yeah, I gotta say, when it comes to unwillingly being stuck in a non-human body, I don't think I got the short end of the stick like some of you guys
Weld: Well that's why she's an honorary member. Plus she has a great sense of humour.
Taylor: Wolf balls I do.
Contessa: *snorts*
Taylor: So that's where she was hiding!
- Pronouns
- He/his
You were right. It was a doozy of a chappy.
That's why I had the theme from Stone Tower Temple (Normal & Inverted) playing while reading it so I don't collapse completely into an emotional wreck. Poor girls : (
Though I'd be lying if I didn't say I totally support the idea of an accelerated posting schedule, if only for a moment. (Kinda like Double Loot weekends in Destiny.)
That's why I had the theme from Stone Tower Temple (Normal & Inverted) playing while reading it so I don't collapse completely into an emotional wreck. Poor girls : (
Though I'd be lying if I didn't say I totally support the idea of an accelerated posting schedule, if only for a moment. (Kinda like Double Loot weekends in Destiny.)
WhoAmEye
Bunker-Dwelling Cryptid
- Location
- Vault Birb
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Sorry, I just got overexcited for this chapter we're really going to need to slow down for a bit if we want to be able to update regularly. Things have been happening lately that can make writing up new chapters a little difficult to manage, schedule-wise
we're really going to need to slow down for a bit if we want to be able to update regularly. Things have been happening lately that can make writing up new chapters a little difficult to manage, schedule-wise
- Location
- Earth, probably.
- Pronouns
- None/Any
Daww, this was a nice chapter. And actual communication happened!
Well...that was something. Got very worried for a moment, then remembered this is not QQ. And then it turned into something even stranger, Talking! *Confused screaming*
Ganurath
Literal Enthusiast
- Location
- A Valid Location
- Pronouns
- He/Him
The Irregulars actually had non-Case 53 members, if their power mutated them enough. Similar struggles make for kindred spirits, for which Case 53s have too few, y'know?Weld: She's an honorary member.
Irregulars: But she wasn't experimented on by Cauldron!
Taylor: Yeah, I gotta say, when it comes to unwillingly being stuck in a non-human body, I don't think I got the short end of the stick like some of you guys
Weld: Well that's why she's an honorary member. Plus she has a great sense of humour.
Taylor: Wolf balls I do.
Contessa: *snorts*
Taylor: So that's where she was hiding!
Also!
Fuck Jack Slash, this is nihilism done right.
- Location
- CA
Loved the interactions between Amy and Taylor here. Hope that with this bit of release Amy will not get to the edge that she did in Worm and not become a wreck.
DoubleThought
Bad at Communicating
- Location
- The Moon. The? There are so many
Validation! Praise!
This chapter was immensely satisfying. I think we could all see a confrontation much like this happening. And, knowing your writing, it turned out much like I expected: much more positively than it would have in Worm, and written well enough that I can't spot any problems.
- Pronouns
- He/Him
I'm like 99% certain that Amy could offer a service to turn you into a footstool then back again a few days later and make bank. If it is imaginable, it is a fetish. Forniphilia is the term for wanting to have or be living furniture. There are people with tree fetishes and people with balloon popping fetishes, and people who want to be enslaved. literally nothing is too taboo to be someone's fetish.
Lab_Accident
A 2D 1D4
- Location
- Your dreams
A few things are too taboo to be legal, though. The contracts you'd have to sign on that stuff to make sure eveything is safe, sane, and consensual...
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Lots of contracts and legal hurdles, yes, but Lots of money once you get those settled. Some people are willing to pay absurd amounts of money to fulfill niche fetishes
First: Loved the chapter.
Second: So, I have a question. Is there a reason Amy can't take Taylor's human body and make the beastie body match it down to a genetic level?
Second: So, I have a question. Is there a reason Amy can't take Taylor's human body and make the beastie body match it down to a genetic level?