Everyone is afflicted with the big gay
this is a good thing
Special thanks to my lovely co-author and wife,
@hellgodsrus, without whom I would never would have been able to take part in creating half my fics. Prime Betas
@Tamahori and
@32nd_freeze for being betas and feeding me validation and feedback between updates.
Duality
3.7
-.-.-
Jeans - still hate them. Proper jacket borrowed from Victoria's closet. Plaid shirt tied around my waist into a buttcape. Bad Canary t-shirt. The closest things to lingerie I owned - partly for confidence, partly because I still hoped I could persuade Abby to drag me into a room somewhere and we could avoid this whole thing.
"It'll be fine." Abby squeezed my hand. "Really."
"Easy for you to say, you're the president." I mumbled, wishing I had a hood to hide under like I normally did.
"Mostly what that means is a lot of my time is spent herding people like they're large queer cats." Her thumb ran over the back of my hand. "Seriously. They're going to think you're fine."
"We're all big gay messes, huh?"
"Something like that, yeah."
The meeting turned out to take place in one of the larger classrooms. Someone had moved the desks together into a single, large, uneven surface, and there were enough people in the room for it to feel slightly uncomfortable.
Somewhere between 'a group of friends' and 'a full class' size. Some were familiar faces, some weren't.
I recognised Tammi, though she looked less like she was intending to be here and more came in because she was coming past at the time.
Token in-denial baby gay? Or maybe not, her eyes were too full of - something negative I couldn't place as they flicked around the room. Thinking of rooms, wasn't she the one who yelled at Abby and I to get a room before our date? Al looked up from their phone and gave a little wave at me before diving back into it…
is there anyone else I know here? That guy in the back looked familiar, maybe, as did the girl near him with a rucksack on her lap.
"Sorry I'm running a bit late, I was doing stuff." Abby waved and dropped into a chair.
Hi, I'm stuff. "Al, have you ordered the pizza?"
"Doing it now."
"That's a lie, they're checking twitter." Vaguely familiar looking guy stuck out his tongue.
I wanted to keep my mouth shut and hide in my hoodie but - I was in a jacket that most definitely did not come with a hood and I wish it did. I should have checked with Abby how these sort of things normally went…
"Oh! This is Taylor by the way. She's going to be joining us. Uh, sweetie, just give name, pronouns, sexual identity and a fun fact about yourself."
Way to get put on the spot. "Uh. Hi, I'm Taylor. She-her? My sexual identity is um. Me?" I looked to Abby in confusion. "And uh… fun fact, um. Uhh. I am probably the worst at anatomy ever?"
"Whoa - how'd you get those scars?" I didn't know that girl - not sure I'd seen her before at all, to be honest.
"Car crash. Don't really wanna talk about it." I shrunk back in my seat.
"Let's move away from that topic for now."
Thank you Abby. "How about we all introduce ourselves! I'm Abby, current club president and organiser - "
"Al does most of the work."
"But I'm prettier." Her lips twitched. "I'm she-her, lesbian, and I am dating Taylor right now." She elbowed the person on the other side of her. "How about you go next, Lindsay?"
The blonde girl in question grinned, giving a kind of awkward wave. "Lindsay Myers, she-her, gay as fuck, and I'm into free running in my spare time." Her outfit was probably about as gay as mine was. Skinny jeans, boots, and a graphic tee with some old comic character under a flannel.
The introductions continued. Al, and Carlos and Crystal - oh that was why she looked familiar! - and Bryce and more names I didn't know and they seemed to just pour over my head. I wasn't - I wanted to remember them all and be polite but I wasn't sure I
would and that felt guilty and wrong.
"So um, now that I know what Abby meant by identity - I'm lesbian too. Um. Yeah." I awkwardly rubbed at my head. "... whiiich she would have made clear when she said she was dating me and now I feel like an idiot…" I mumbled to myself.
"You're not an idiot," said… Karla? I think that's right. "Just afflicted by the Abigail twinkle."
"Oi." Abby stuck her tongue out.
"Can we maybe talk about some serious stuff? At least before we all get waylaid by pizza." Carlos smiled - he was the kind of guy that I guess I'd think of if someone said
attractive guy to me but there's no emotion with it. I guess there was admiration on a purely aesthetic level?
How did it take me so long to work out I was gay?
"Right." Abby nodded, rummaging in her bag, and brought out a… map. A big fold out map. Brockton Bay was a pretty big place, on paper. And large sections of the map were highlighted in various colours. "I take it you have some more info on unsafe places."
"I was out on patrol with Eric and someone shouted some pretty nasty slurs at him for having dyed hair - how did that become a stereotype again? - round Leonard Grove. I think it was there anyway?" Crystal leaned across the table to look at the map. "Might have just been random roving skinheads rather than residents, but."
"Noticed a new restaurant down here by the docks got firebombed for 'serving queers'." Carlos made a face, and there was a brittleness to his voice as he said, "So, guess that's off the menu if anyone was planning on taking a date there."
"It's not, um. Fruit something…" Someone I didn't remember the name of - red curly hair, I think they'd identified themselves as she-them which wasn't even something I was aware people could
be before - snapped their fingers. "Fruit bread? Fruit basket?"
Carlos nodded. "Yeah."
"Fuck."
"I… gotta say I wasn't expecting a war table when I considered joining the club…"
"On a more
positive note." Abby pulled out a pink highlighter and scratched a line across a part of the boardwalk. "Taylor and I were out here the other week at the cinema, clearly on a date, and we didn't even get any rude stares or weirdo servers or anything."
Looking at the map, there were depressingly few places highlighted in pink. A few single streets, a lump area near where the ferries to the Protectorate headquarters were, and another around the PRT building. A stretch through the CBD and by the mall. Oddly enough, there were even a few clumps in what I
knew was ABB territory, though they were outlined in blue highlighter.
I pointed at them in confusion.
Karla leant in. "Oh - they don't take issue with gay couples, but it's not really safe for girls or anyone leaning feminine because - you know. I mean - it's probably an overexaggerated problem because half the newspapers are run by Empire sympathisers but. Better safe than sorry." Oh. That.
An asian kid in a green t-shirt wrinkled his nose. "Sucks that we're in a town where so many people seem determined to try and give the Nazis a 'valid reason' for the shit they do."
Maybe when I have a combat-capable body, I'll start a gay revolution. Not sure how I feel about Abby riding me into battle though… Thoughts of her in skimpy RPG chainmail though? Mmm
-MM. I liked that thought.
On the other hand, I had apparently had had a dinner with Abby that I couldn't remember. That sucked.
"Um, does anyone else have anything they want to add to the map? No? Then let's pass it around - if you need to take a picture feel free. How's everyone's home life going? Does anyone need to vent?"
I knew I wouldn't need a picture. But I still stared intently at it for a while anyway.
"Pretty good, I guess." Crystal smiled and gave me a little look. "Some later-than-usual patrols, or earlier depending on how you count it, but we
might be getting some new independent heroes hanging around. Pretty sure at least one of them is a rainbow cape -"
"Hang on -
rainbow cape?" I frowned.
"Eh, it's just fun to say. Part of the big gay rainbow."
"It's the commonly used term for heroes who we think, or who are confirmed to be LGBT. I think it's from - initially it was a bad thing said about Legend when he came out? Uh, lemme check…" Al dived back into their phone. "Yeah. Got reclaimed though. Whoot."
"Anyways." Crystal grinned, leaning forward. "Caught her name on PHO, Flare, and she was flirting
hard at Rune before I joined in and we sent the Nazi running. Or floating, whatever."
"Flirting at a Nazi's kinda gross though." The red head squinted. "I mean, unless it was like, to throw them off? I don't know."
I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. "Yeah, I'm imagining Rune getting angrier and angrier at it, and then getting called out as tsundere.
I'm not throwing these cars at you because I l-like you or anything, idiot!"
"That is exactly what happened." Crystal giggled. "It was pretty weaponised - "
"Plus, Flare's been pretty vocal about things on PHO," interjected Lindsay. "She posts on the Narwhal pictures thread pretty regularly. I don't blame her."
The clatter of the door closing, the shadow of Tammi leaving briefly visible through the door.
"... is um. Is she going to collect the pizza or -"
"Oh, Tammi's um. I think she's
maybe repressed?" Abby shugged. "She's - she's kind of like part of the society but not. Like, she's not officially
in the group, but she shows up consistently."
"She's very egg-like - not in a trans way, I think, more in a general
everything way - and, uh. Yeah. I think her parents have instilled some pretty fucked up ideas in her, but she gets weirdly defensive about stuff with Empire capes. Hyun thinks she's got a relative who's one of them?" Karla shrugged.
"I said
maybe that would explain things.
Maybe." Green shirt - Hyun, I guess - shrugged. "Ignore her if she goes off on you. She's kinda our Wicked Witch of the West."
"More like the White Witch. She's certainly got the ice queen bit, and, you know~" Lindsay again, smirking and wobbling her hand. "Might as well be in Narnia if she's not just an ally."
"Except way less gay than Elphaba, and less dommy than Jadis," Al added. "Since no-one gave me any pizza preferences, I've just ordered six with tuna, pineapple and pepperoni." There was a chorus of boos. "Why are you booing me, you know I'm right and those are the superior toppings."
"Tuna, pineapple, and pepperoni." I shook my head in wonder. "You've clearly never tried meatlovers."
"I'm not a cruel pizza god, I also ordered garlic bread and hot wings."
Abby made a face. "Al, you know we can't order
too much. We can't spend all of our budget on pizza."
"Vote to spend all of our budget on pizza?" A quieter girl at the back - Sally-Anne? - stuck her hand up.
"Vote for someone other than Al to spend all of our budget on pizza?" I asked, raising my own.
"Second the motion!" Lindsay shot to her feet. Pointing to me. "I nominate Taylor and Abby select the menu. Since clearly they're the most put together right now."
I had to stifle a snort and uncontrollable laughter. Because yes, I was
put together. Mom made me out of fucking
monster lego.
"Yeah, again, I'm sorry I was late and not able to regulate Al."
Al shrugged. "I'm sorry I'm scientifically, factually correct and all of you are lesser beings, but I'll live with the compromise."
"Booo," Carlos threw a crumpled up paper ball at Al. "Booo, I say."
"Motion seconded. Thirded?" Crystal accepted a scrunched up ball from Carlos to toss at Al. "Boo!"
"Help, I'm being illegally assaulted by an out of control parahuman, save me." Al caught one of the paper balls and twitched as the other bounced off their head as they kept on reading whatever was on their phone.
"Objection, speculating on the identity of parahumans. Nobody in here's in costume!" Lindsay's own contribution joined the fray in the form of a paper airplane.
"If I could make a laser look like a paper ball,
then you'd be in trouble." Crystal poked her tongue out. "But I can't, so I'm afraid you're safe." Toss. "For now."
"Yeah everyone's going to fear the debut of Spitball, the hero with the power to throw sodden paper at people."
"I think there
is a cape named Spitball…" Sally-Anne checked her phone. "Yeah! He's a Thinker in Baltimore - oh.
Was a Thinker in Baltimore. And, uh, apparently there was some kind of sexual assault allegation against him as well..."
"I'm sorry, all I can think of is that internet meme of 'Fuck you, Baltimore!'." I shrunk in my seat.
"Definitely. Let's reclaim Baltimore and Spitball from whoever this guy was." Crystal shot me a grin.
Trying to cheer me up or -
"Why are you looking at me? There's no
way I'd be able to have a secret identity with this many scars. People would take one look at my shitty costume and go 'Hey, Taylor how's it going!' or something."
"Full face helmets, add a bodysuit, no scars and recognizable features." Lindsay gave a one shouldered shrug.
"Okay but I'd also be a fragilante - I think that's what non-capes pretending to be capes are called?" I looked to Crystal, who nodded. "An' frankly, I don't think spitballs would be useful against the Empire."
"... was that an attempt at an Anne Frank pun?"
"... you can't prove anything." I pouted.
"Other than slightly poor taste puns…" Abby took the sting away with a kiss to my cheek. "Maybe something to discuss might be, um. How we're all feeling about certain emotional things and how our self-examination of where and who we are is going. If anyone wants to." Her elbow brushed my side.
I stared at her blankly, pretending to have
no idea what she was talking about.
The elbow came in again, and everyone seemed to be looking at us expectantly.
"Ugh. Fine." I slumped over the table. "I'm dating Abby, but I'm catching feelings for other girls too, but I still have feelings for Abby, and when I was told it would be cheating, I got confused because - I'd still be with Abby and have feelings for her?" I couldn't meet anyone's eyes and I desperately needed a hoodie to hide under.
Bad idea bad idea why did I say any of this.
"So you're poly." Lindsay leaned forward in her seat a bit, offering an encouraging smile. "I am too, I'm pretty sure. Haven't actually dated anyone in about a year, but catching feelings is like… way too easy."
I blinked. "It - is it really that simple? I'm not just easy?"
Abby snorted. "Sweetie, you had to be told you were getting flirted with. You're challenge mode. Or were, at least."
"W-well I hadn't realised I liked girls yet," I mumbled, face heating up. "Now I know it's like - wow I need to stop staring at her butt, that is a
nice butt but I have Abby''s butt to look at stop it. And the abs. Oh god kill me now." Hiding my face in my hands.
"I mean, it might not be that easy." Carlos sat forward. "It could be, but only you can examine your own feelings about who or what you want, or who you are."
Pretty girls and meatlovers please. "I'm gay." Wait - "I mean um."
Kill me nowwwwww. "Abby help?" I leaned on her.
"Hi Gay, I'm Lindsay." The blonde, totally unable to suppress her snickers, was immediately hit by at least three paper balls and fell out of her chair.
"I mean… Carlos isn't wrong. It's helpful that Lindsay offered some advice like that but ultimately it's your decision as to who you are or want to be."
"Like, speaking of being poly." Sally-Anne waved a hand. "It's really easy to think of it as easier? But it's kind of like bisexuality - hi, me again - in that it comes with so many problematic stereotypes, and issues…"
"It's not like I have to announce wherever I go, 'Hi, I'm gay and I'm poly, gimmie a girl for both arms!', right?"
"That was terrible."
"
No, you don't but like… I think in terms of relationships and attraction, you need to talk to both whoever this other girl you're crushing on is, and Abby too. Probably at the same time." Hyun smiled. "So unless it's Victoria Dallon or something, you're probably all good!"
"I am going to
die." I whined into my folded arms.
There was a long pause. Abby was stiff beside me.
"... yeah, moving on." Hyun coughed. "So, uh, finally got my dad to call me his son the other day. Mom's still deadnaming me, but. Progress, I guess."
"Whoa, you're trans?" I blinked and squinted at him. "I had no idea. That's um. That's a good thing, right?"
"Kinda? Varies from person to person. Some people really take pride in their trans identities, other people just want to pass, most people are kind of at a middle… me I just don't want to get murdered by the Empire, is all. Survive, then worry about that stuff."
"The Brockton Bay experience." I nodded sagely. "Survive,
then deal with crises." I had
far too much experience with that, now that I thought about it. Finding out I'm a monster living in my mom's basement? That she's wiping my memories?
Live, then deal.
The rest of the meeting was actually pretty upbeat - especially when the pizza arrived and Al proclaimed themselves to
not be a sadist and only ordered
two tuna-pineapple-pepperoni monstrosities. At least the garlic bread was good, and apparently it was a lesbian rite of passage in the club to have a slice of seafood pizza? I didn't understand it at all, but Lindsay and Abby were talking about clams and oysters and even Tammi came back once the pizzas were opened.
It was nice.
But then Al suddenly straightened, chewing rapidly on their slice of pizza. "Holy shit. Holy shit come look at this guys."
"I swear if it's another meme…" Karla leaned over their shoulder. "... holy shit."
"What?"
"Uh, should be on most of the major local news sites, though I found it through twitter." Al flicked their thumb over their phone. "Oh wow there's a video too. This is
nuts."
"Just tell us what to look up already!"
"New maybe-villain, maybe-rogue group called Eden just dropped this like, fucking press packet-slash-advert thing." Al looked up. "They look kinda fucking dope."
Eden - it took a moment to click and then -
oh no. Ohhh no. Please no.
I pulled out my phone, wiped my greasy fingers on a napkin, and started typing. Yup, tons of hits on news sites, less than an hour old - a few national newspapers but mostly local, twitter reactions, PHO. I went for the PHO thread - there were a dozen pages already. I picked the one the mods probably wouldn't close due to sheer volume of traffic, and the video was in the opening post.
Abby leaned against me, her face a mask of worry - though she was paying more attention to me than my phone.
Damnit, am I really that obviously distressed? Probably. Fuck, I'm going to need to call Victoria or Brandish or something after this.
Sound from across the room - someone had already started playing the video on their phone. I couldn't make the words out from that far away but I knew the voice.
Mom.
Lindsay, leaning over the person's shoulder, laughed. "Holy shit, she's
hot."
"Hey, there's a projector cable over by the teacher's desk -" I pointed out. "Does anyone wanna just plug in so we can all watch at once?"
"I don't think that works with phones." Crystal from behind me, hanging over my shoulder. "Just play it." There was a sudden intensity and tenseness to her words I hadn't heard before, her gaze focused on the thumbnail of the video.
I swallowed the lump of fear, hit play, and put it on fullscreen.
A tall figure. Familiar curled brown hair. But that was where the parts I recognised disappeared - she was
lounging in something that looked like it might have been a throne, a decadent black dress draped across her, scattered with feathered patches, the body hugged by scaled leather cut to show cleavage which shouldn't have worked since she was only a little larger in the chest than I was but somehow it
did and it was also my
mom dressing like this - Annette - damnit it was still weird! The upper half of her face was a sheer black mask curling upward into two pointed horns.
"
Greetings, Brockton Bay. I am Lilith. You probably haven't heard of me yet, but let me rectify that." Her smile curled, slow and smooth beneath the mask.
If it weren't for the fact she's my mother, this would be making me feel things. As it is, it's Mom,
what is she doing
?! "
I'm a Tinker of a particular, maligned sort, and while I've spent some time… afraid, of what my power can do, I think it's time to let loose a little."
Then her smile turned from slow and seductive to something wider and more genuine. "
Not like that, don't worry! I'm not a villain. In fact, I've recently filed papers with the town hall confirming the setup of my little business venture - something that I think everyone in the city will enjoy."
What the
fuck. How on earth had she -
the Mayor approved of Annette's arena idea?!
The camera changed to show shots of the docks, the most derelict parts of town. "
There's no denying this city's seen better days," her voiceover continued. "
There aren't many reasons to come to the Bay. Or there weren't
, at least."
The interior of some vast hall, fast-forward footage of people assembling rows of tiered seating - like a stadium - lighting, metal rigs. "
The problem with cape fights for tourism is, well, they're dangerous. Criminals and law enforcement fighting each other simply isn't safe for civilian passers by. Not to mention the collateral damage. But what if there was a way to experience those self-same thrills - and even participate - and leave without a scratch on you or your property?"
The camera returned to Annette. Lilith. Her smile was sweet again as she snapped her fingers and the camera panned back. "
I am very proud to announce the opening night of my own little Garden of Eden, the carnival of Beasts! Watch my creations battle - or, for a small additional fee, take control of one yourself, and prove your worth in the ring with no harm or pain on your part. You want to feel the thrill of combat, see blood shed? This is an entirely safe - and legal - way to do so. Tickets are on sale now." Her smile widened as music started and a series of shots of - things that I assumed were her creations, tussling with each other - bold text splashes giving each of them names - Seton and Roc - other smaller ones -
RaptorDogs! the text splash proclaimed - it was too much it was too much -
"Breathe - breathe, I'm here, sweetie." Abby's voice in my ear, her arms tight around me.
"
I'm not." My voice a breathy, cracked whisper. "I'm
there. I'm there and the Protectorate's going to firebomb her and -"
"Hey," Crystal patted my shoulder, her voice low. "Protectorate hasn't firebombed anyone in two years. If they try, I'll shoot down their planes myself, okay?" I couldn't tell if she really meant it but the thought was nice. "And besides, if she's right about getting a legal permit that means they need a warrant now and getting that's
complicated. And they know you're there so they're definitely not bombing it, alright?" A gentle squeeze.
I nodded far too quickly. "I - I need to get out of here."
And maybe a drink.
"I'll call Victoria. Abby, get her some fresh air?"
"Okay. Come on." Her arm around me, lifting me up - I could still hear the video, hear everyone else listening to it and talking about it - Abby's arm around me - "Come on, it's not far. Come on." Pushing ourselves through the door, the noise fading to faint chatter as she hurried me through the corridor.
Cool early-evening air. I almost wanted to vomit but I wasn't nauseous. "What have I done?" I mumble-wailed to myself. "What have I done?
I suggested the arena to her - this is all my fault -"
"This isn't your fault. Whatever it is your mom thinks she's doing is on her. Okay?" Abby rubbed my back. "Whatever it is. If it's - wiping your mind, or playing hopscotch, or whatever this is, it's
her, not you."
"I could have - stopped her. Somehow."
"No - it's not your job to." Kiss to the side of my head. "It's not. Okay? It's - I don't know. It's a mess but it's not your fault. Not."
I clung to her, wishing I could believe her. "Okay. N-not my fault. E-even though I put the idea in her head?"
"She might have come up with something worse on her own. And we don't even know what this is or what she's doing, or what she's going to do, okay? It's
not your fault."
I sniffled. "Y-yeah. I - I guess that's true."
"It'll be okay." Her arms around me, mouth on mine. "I don't know how, but we'll make it okay."
-.-.-
