Chapter 4: Unboxing
- Location
- USA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Chapter 4: Unboxing
The first of Taylor's boxes bounced up to him.
Silver Weirdo Box (1/6)
It was a wooden box, painted silver, and about the size of a dorm-room microwave. It stopped in front of him and flipped its top open to reveal a small pot of goop.
Yo-Yo Enchantment Enamel. Any yo-yo that soaks in this enamel for ten minutes will become an enchanted item. This item has a Short Shelf Life; don't be a bitch, use it now.
A 30-minute timer with a jagged red font appeared over the pot and started counting down. Taylor looked to Levi and raised an eyebrow.
"Enchanted items are essentially indestructible," Levi said in response to the implied question. "All loot box items are considered enchanted, but they usually have powers in addition to that. Short Shelf Life means that you've got limited time to use it."
Taylor nodded and flipped the top off the pot, then pulled out his Skyhawk and dropped it in. There was a faint glorping noise as the yo-yo sank into the viscuous yellow goop. The timer flickered and shifted to 10 minutes and a soothing green color with a rounded font.
The box disintegrated into glittery dust that vanished a moment after touching the floor. The next box rushed forward and opened itself.
Silver Cheater Box (2/6)
Crawler Biscuit x100
Torch x10
Silver Ballsy Box (3/6)
Enchanted Fish dinner x5
He picked up one of the vacuum-sealed TV dinners and studied it.
Enchanted Fish Dinner
Satiates you for 6 hours. Also heals you by 1% per minute for 100 minutes.
"That's a good prize," Levi said. "Especially until you've had time to collect some health potions. Won't help in combat the way a potion would, but it's good to make sure you heal fully between fights. Also, they'll probably be tasty. The crawler biscuits will fill you up, but they taste like dirt."
Taylor nodded and scooped the dinners into his inventory. The box disappeared and the next one trotted up.
Platinum Adventurer Box (4/6)
The box was larger than the rest, easily the size of a footlocker. It was made of what looked like solid platinum and the lid was a curlicued pagoda top filled with detail. Taylor didn't have a chance to examine it before the top dissolved away.
Spellbook: Gold Grabber
Cost: 3 SP
AOE: A 60-degree cone symmetric around your line of sight at the moment of casting. Length of cone is 5 meters plus 1 meter per level of spell.
Gold within the AOE will be pulled to the caster's dominant hand. Force of the pull is dependent on the level of spell and the caster's Intelligence. Gold pulled in this fashion will stop on contact with the user without imparting kinetic force, although other forms of energy transfer are not prevented. (i.e. It won't hurt you or knock you back no matter how fast it's moving, but it can still burn you, freeze you, and so on.)
"Spellbook, nice," Levi said. "You can activate it, which will destroy the book and cause you to learn the spell, or you can give it to someone else or sell it or whatever. There will be shops later on. Spellbooks are usually pretty valuable."
Taylor nodded and tucked the book into his inventory for now. It was time for the high-end boxes.
Legendary Prepper Box! (5/6)
Horns went off as the box opened and confetti sprayed everywhere. A small blue jewel floated up from the box and settled into Taylor's hand.
Enchantment Enhancement Jewel
When added to any Enchantment Enamel, the Enamel's effect will be enhanced. This item has a Short Shelf Life.
"Oof," Levi said. "Loot that doesn't specify its effects can usually do a variety of things. You will never get outright cursed items from a loot box, so whatever it does will be mostly positive. Mostly. Still, I always found it stressful. Might as well use it, though."
Taylor sighed and dropped the thumbnail-sized jewel into the pot where his yo-yo was soaking. The goop bubbled and fizzed for a moment, then started to swirl around, trails of blue and silver dispersing through it.
The box shattered, crumbled, and disappeared. The next one bounded up to him and opened.
Legendary Pet Box (6/6)
The box was huge, curvy, and white. It looked like a refrigerator made by Apple, or an absolutely enormous Tic-Tac. When the top dissolved, Taylor looked in to find...
A piece of meat jerky the size of a credit card.
He plucked it out with a frown and studied it. Legendary Enchanted Pet Biscuit
Levi winced. "You should definitely give that to him now," he said. "Those things are very unpredictable, and if it turns him into something dangerous and he attacks you then you want to be in a safe room."
"It won't hurt him, will it?"
"Depends on your definition of 'hurt', but give it to him anyway."
This entire time, Moose's eyes had been locked on the treat with a furious intensity that shut out everything else in the room. When Taylor tossed the treat to him, he snapped it out of the air and chomped it up.
A foxfire red aura flickered over Moose, tiny sparks dancing off each hair. It faded away after a few seconds, leaving him looking very surprised but not displeased. Taylor examined his friend's properties nervously.
Crawler #6. "Moose"
Level 1
Race: Enhanced Dog (Tibetan Mastiff/Rottweiler/Golden Retriever)
Class: Pet
Enhancement: Legendary Familiar. This animal will grow larger each level until reaching full size at level 15. Additionally, it will gain +2 Strength and +2 Constitution per level. Additionally, it will gain +1 Intelligence every 30 levels.
Enhancement: The Soulbonded skill at level 3.
"Oh, wow," Levi said. "You lucked out with that one. 'Legendary Familiar' means that both of you will always know the distance and direction to each other and you'll be aware if the other one gets hurt. You'll have an empathic communication that will enhance his ability to understand spoken commands and possibly even communicate with him at range.
"Better yet, he's Soulbonded. To start with, that means that his damage is increased by a percentage equal to his level plus your level times the level of the skill." His eyes glowed for a moment. "He's already got a Bite skill of 5, Rend of 1, and a Back Breaker of 2—that lets him cause extra damage to any mob he can lift off the ground and shake. Keep him safe for a couple levels and he'll start getting very tanky and very dangerous.
"Perhaps more importantly," Levi continued, "after Soulbonded hits level 10 some spells will start to work differently—you'll be able to share things with him that would normally be caster-only, cast them through him, whatever. At level 15 you'll be able to see through each other's eyes."
"Cool," Taylor said, smiling with teeth.
"My turn!" Calliope said, bouncing in her seat. Before anyone could stop her, a line of boxes appeared in front of her, the line zigging and zagging around furniture. "Yesss, my pretties. Come to mama!"
The boxes marched up to her one by one and she gloried in their contents like a kid at Christmas. Her three Silver boxes were unimpressive, yielding a total of 100 crawler biscuits, 20 torches, 3 health potions, and 2 mana potions. Her Gold box contained a T-shirt that gave her +1 to the Regeneration skill, immunity to poison, and reduced kinetic damage by 5%. Her Platinum box gave her a Mutable Ring, a plain platinum band that gave her a total of +10 stat points that could be distributed as she wanted and shifted around every 6 hours.
"Sweet!" she said.
"Before you—" Levi began, and then stopped with a sigh when Calliope glowed blue for a moment. "I was going to say, before you distribute those bonuses, finish opening your boxes."
"Oh. Yeah," Calliope said, embarrassed. "Well, I can change them around later." She saw Taylor opening his mouth to ask and said, "Five into Strength, three into Constitution, and two into Dexterity. Lets me kick some ass!"
Taylor sighed. "Let's talk tactics before we start kicking ass, okay?"
"Bah." She waved dismissively, then rubbed her hands together and opened her last box, the Legendary for Doomsday Prepper, with an excited, "Come to mama!"
Super Skateboard Spray
It looked exactly like a can of spray paint. She studied it for a moment and then grinned. "Awesome."
"Can I see?" Taylor asked, holding out a hand. He could not see the properties of an item unless he was holding it.
She passed it over wordlessly.
Single use. A skateboard painted with this will provide the following benefits:
- +3 to the Skateboarding skill
- +5 Dexterity while in contact with the board
- +5 to the Summon Object skill (skateboard only)
- The Gravity Resurfacing benefit (skateboard + rider only, only when ridden, board centered)
Taylor checked the last two benefits; Summon Object called the skateboard to her from a distance and Gravity Resurfacing was essentially an unlevelable spell that cost five mana and redirected gravity so that 'down' was towards whatever non-living surface she chose. It would allow her to ride on walls and ceilings as though they were the ground. It lasted thirty seconds plus the caster's Intelligence.
"That's pretty damn awesome," he agreed, handing it back.
"Especially the fact that Gravity Resurfacing doesn't have a cooldown," Levi said after examining it in turn. "Most movement spells and abilities do. It's a little expensive for someone who wants to be a combat build instead of a mage, but it'll be very effective if you're careful about how and when you you use it."
Calliope's hands were obviously itching for the paint but she allowed Drew to read the description before taking it back. She pulled the skateboard from her inventory, popped the cap off the spray paint...and paused.
"Any reason not to use this now?" she asked Levi. He shook his head, failing to suppress a small smile, and she went ahead and sprayed her board down. The paint gushed out and, in a sign of precisely how magical the dungeon loot was, every particle of it sank into the board instead of going everywhere the way real spray paint would have. It gave the device itself a shiny cobalt blue color, although the layered stickers on it remained unchanged, albeit glossier and easier to read. (Taylor could see "Rage Against the Machine"; "Thrash on!"; "No limits, no fear"; "Ride or Die!", and various others.)
"I've gotta try this," Calliope said, hopping up from her chair and onto the skateboard. She started gliding around the room, doing tricks that sent the board spinning on various planes. "This is so cool! I could never land that before and now it's a breeze!"
"Dungeon skill bonuses are like that," Levi said wisely. "They can make— Oh, my."
The three adults watched as she tricked around the room and then skated up the wall, mongo footed halfway across the ceiling and started performing various flips and spins.
"Leo, get down!" Taylor shouted. "It only lasts a few seconds!"
"Relax, Unc, there's a timer. I got this!" She flipped up into a one-handed handstand on her left hand, the board clamped to her feet with the right.
Levi's eye-tentacles jerked straight. "Don't—"
With a scream, Calliope plummeted thirty feet to the floor. Taylor felt the world slow around him as he struggled to lunge forward out of his seat. (Just try to make sure she doesn't die, okay?)
Calliope was still holding her board and therefore still benefiting from the massive Dexterity bonus it provided. In midair, she tucked into a ball and spun, trying to get her feet under her and roll out of the fall.
Unfortunately, even superhuman reflexes aren't always enough. She was still on an angle when she hit and there was a vicious crack! as her left ankle broke. Crackling noises indicated other bones going as well. She screamed in pain and a health bar appeared above her, 90% of it grey and the remainder red.
Levi's long rabbit legs allowed him to cross the distance in a bound, meaning he arrived a step ahead of Taylor and two ahead of Drew. "It's okay," he said, resting a furry hand lightly on her shoulder. "Use a health potion."
Calliope's head had hit hard; she was conscious and her eyes were open but she was unresponsive.
Taylor hit his Heal spell and growled when a message appeared saying Nope! Self only, loser!
"It's okay," Levi repeated, this time speaking to Taylor. "She can't die of injuries sustained in a safe room. She'll be fine." He started to sing, a powerful tenor that echoed off the walls and wove a tapestry of sound around them. Taylor felt his panic ebb and a warm looseness sweep through his body. Calliope's eyes drifted closed and the pain eased out of her face as her health bar began climbing smoothly. A crackling sound indicated her bones mending, her health bar jumping higher with each one. After only a few seconds she was back to full health and thirty seconds after that her eyes fluttered open. She blinked for a second, then pushed herself upright and shook her head. Levi allowed the song to die away and sat back.
"Still think bards suck?" he asked, amused.
"I regret everything," she said. "Thanks."
"That spell only works if the board is within three feet of the surface that gravity is oriented towards," Levi told her. "That's what 'board centered' means in the description." He stood up and extended his lower right hand to her.
"No more handplants when the ceiling is the floor, got it." She took his hand and he pulled her to her feet as though she weighed nothing.
"Why don't we all keep our feet on the floor for a bit while Drew opens his boxes?" Taylor suggested archly.
"It's a plan," Calliope said, smiling and rubbing her neck. "Still, that was so damn cool. I could tweak the direction of gravity so whatever I was riding on seemed flat or tipped. It was like everything was a ramp! So. Epic."
"If 'epic' means 'would have been fatal outside of a safe room with Levi in it' then yes," Taylor said. "I promised your mother I would keep you from dying, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't make me a liar." Too late he realized what he had said.
Calliope's face wobbled as realization struck. "Mom's dead, isn't she? And Dad. And Gramma, and Grampa, and my crew."
Taylor bit his cheek and cursed himself. "I think so," he said. "But we can still save them. All we have to do is get through this place."
Calliope glared at him. "No one has even come close, remember? One guy made it to the thirteenth floor, one time." Her voice broke on the last words and her eyes were wet.
Levi shifted uncomfortably. "It's...possible that you could save some of your people," he said slowly. "At the start of each level from ten on, you are given a chance to make an indenture contract. It gets you out of the dungeon and if you can make a good enough contract then it can involve them bringing your people back. After you pay off the indenture, of course, and that always takes a long time."
Everyone's eyebrows shot up.
"You didn't mention that before," Taylor said.
Levi shrugged. "Indentures aren't relevant until you make it to the tenth floor and you shouldn't be thinking about them right now. Still, if you want big perks like resurrections then you'll need to have huge view counts so that you're making the showrunners a ton of money."
"Did you get that deal?" Drew asked.
Levi considered the question for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah. My parents will be resurrected when I pay off. I've got another hundred and sixteen seasons to go, so it'll take a while."
"How many people can we—"
Levi held up a hand. "Not now. It's a distraction. You need to be thinking about what's in front of you, not about something that might be possible, maybe, far in the future. Besides, things change a lot and I'm no expert. Get to the tenth floor and you'll be given an advocate who will know all the rules and relevant laws. Right now, Drew should open his boxes and then you need to get back out there."
Everyone looked mutinous at that, but finally Drew nodded. "Fine."
They moved back to the couches and settled down to watch as Drew opened his loot.
Drew, being far more basic than either of his companions, had received only three boxes. The first, the Silver Early Adopter box, contained a health potion and a dozen torches. His face, excited as a kid at his own birthday party, fell like when the kid discovered that the birthday cake was frosting on top of poop and the guests were cardboard cutouts.
He took a breath and shook it off as the second box opened, the Silver box he had received for the Cheater achievement.
"Sweet!" he said, pulling out a bulging plastic grocery bag, a lighter, and a small silver tin. Taylor frowned in curiosity, then rolled his eyes when the smell wafted over.
Drew didn't notice; he had his head stuck in the bag and was busy snorking up the hugest lungful of air ever snorked by a human being.
"Drew," Calliope asked calmly, "is that weed?"
"Damn straight, baby girl," Drew said, smiling brightly. He started pulling small ziploc bags out of the larger grocery bag. Someone had pasted a chunk of masking tape across the front of each ziploc and labeled it with a fat marker and poor handwriting. "Check it out," he said, holding up the first bag. "Northern Lights! This stuff is a classic! Spicy, earthy, and just a touch of sweetness. Very smooth." It disappeared into his inventory and he showed off the next one. "Trainwreck. I know, I know, bad juju with the name. Still, it's great stuff. Citrus and lemon flavors with a tang of pine. Plus, you don't need much to get a good buzz. Over here we've got Blue Dream. This stuff is my absolute fave, so thank you very much, My Lord AI sir. You are the bomb!" The last was said to the ceiling and made everyone cringe.
All told there was almost a pound of marijuana divided among six strains. Drew's encyclopedic knowledge of all things weed-related allowed him to describe each strain's flavor, mouth feel, and potency.
"Should we be worried that he knows all this so well?" Calliope asked her uncle. "I feel like we should be worried."
"Eh. Let's just get through the day."
"Oh, man, even high-end rolling papers!" Drew said, looking in the tin.
"Stick it in your inventory," Levi said. "You can manipulate the contents in small ways. If you put an entire container in inventory, it will itemize the contents for you and you can pull out any combination of the container and contents. The system will also allow you to assemble and disassemble items, up to a point. I suspect it will let you roll a joint in your inventory."
The papers vanished and a moment later a blunt appeared in Drew's fingers. "Fuck yeah," he sighed. "Damn I needed this." He lit the blunt with his new lighter and drew on it.
"Go easy," Taylor said. "We're going to be walking around shooting things in a few minutes."
Drew nodded, holding his breath.
Levi sighed. "Open your last box, then get out there before you get too blasted."
Drew let his breath out in a rush. "Oh, right." His voice was relaxed already.
The smoke was drifting past Taylor, who imagined that he could feel a contact high. He began to get up and move away, but Levi waved a hand discreetly and all the smoke started being sucked up into the ceiling.
Drew didn't notice, as he was too focused on his Legendary box. It was shimmying back and forth in front of him like a puppy eager for attention. It was four feet high and three wide and deep, made out of what looked like a chunk of the night sky: velvety black vapors drifting slowly about, with points of silvery light glimmering deeper inside the walls of the box than should have been possible.
Drew reached in and pulled out a spellbook. He read the cover and his eyes brightened. "Fuck yeah!" Before Taylor could ask, Drew glowed blue and the book, and the box it had come from, vanished.
"What was it?" Taylor asked, suppressing frustration that Drew hadn't allowed the others to examine the book before using it.
"Smoke Form," Levi said, his eyes glowing as he flipped through menus. "And since he got it from a Legendary box it came with a level boost too. It's starting at level 5 instead of level 1. That's going to be huge—most spells change every five levels, getting stronger or more versatile each time."
"What's it do?" Calliope asked.
"He can control smoke."
"Yeah!" Drew said. "Check this out! I'm a dragon." He sucked on the doobie, wiggled his fingers, and blew out a long breath. The smoke flowed out of his mouth in the form of a Chinese dragon, long and serpentine with a lion's head and four clawed legs. It spun and danced and twisted around the room.
"At level 1 it lets you condense smoke into a shape that it will maintain until the spell ends," Levi explained. "It's useful for maintaining breathable air, for example. At level 5, where he is now, you can maintain control of it, move it around and change its color so it looks like something that isn't smoke. At level 10 he'll be able to make the forms solid."
"What about level 15? Or 20?" Calliope asked.
"I don't know," Levi said. "I've never seen Smoke Form at level 15. Spells and skills generally top out at level 15 unless you have something that unlocks them, in which case you can train them to 20. It's easy to train stuff up to level 9, but every level after that takes more and more experience and comes slower and slower. It's hard to get even to level 12 in a skill or spell without using potions or boosts of some kind. Getting things above level 15 is virtually impossible, but worth it. The power jump per level after 15 is enormous—a level 15 Force Lance will make a City Boss think carefully about its life choices, but the level 20 version will blow a hole straight through a mountain." He tossed the subject away with one hand. "Regardless, even at level 5 that's a great spell. He's definitely going to want to go mage and boost up his Intelligence as much as he can, because the more mana you put into it the larger the area you can affect and the longer it lasts."
"Man, this is some good shit," Drew said, releasing a lungful of smoke that immediately drifted upwards and away. "You guys want a toke?"
"No, thanks," Taylor said quickly, cutting in before the interested sparkle in Calliope's eyes could develop into action. "You should put it away now. We need to get back out there and kill stuff, and you need to have your head straight while we do."
"Right, right." The blunt disappeared into Drew's inventory and he lumbered to his feet, a beatific smile on his face. "Let's go kill some shit, or something."
Voting time! Voting ends at .
Bleh. Didn't get to the 'exploring and fighting' part, but this took enough time that I think it's worth redoing that vote. In the interest of moving things along, have some OOC information: Which direction would you like to travel?
[] (Direction) Stick in this neighborhood, where the insectoid monsters are. (They are not sapient.)
[] (Direction) North, where the sheep are. (A few of them are sapient, most are animals.)
[] (Direction) West, where you can meet a large group of humans. (Might be friendly, might be hostile.)
[] (Direction) East, where the kobolds are. (They are sapient.)
[] (Direction) South, where the plant monsters are. (They are not sapient.)
You're almost certainly going to end up fighting something in the next update. How do you do that?
[] (Tactics) Moar dakka! Guns, guns, all the guns! 'Murika, fuck yeah! Also, machete some shit up!
[] (Tactics) Yo-yo-yo, bust some heads with that newly combat-capable enchanted yo-yo!
[] (Tactics) Write in
The string of the enchanted yo-yo can get longer and shorter and the yo-yo itself can change its mass slightly in order to make a more effective bludgeon.
Using the write in option will allow you to specify how you want the others to fight and how you should all coordinate. Please give it a short plan name (e.g. "[x] Kommando Klobberers") and put details underneath it.
Finally, what do you want to do with your spellbook of Gold Grabber?
[] (Spellbook) Use it!
[] (Spellbook) Give it to Drew
[] (Spellbook) Give it to Calliope
[] (Spellbook) Keep it to sell later
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