I'm probably not gonna get anything done tomorrow on account of KCQ, so have this as a consolation prize.
Part 21: Lewd!
"Yeah, so… Status report: Mission day 3…" Jersey glanced around the homogeneously gray seas, her finger held loosely to her ear. The northern Pacific waves were calm, but not glassy-smooth, the skies overhead were a generic milky-gray overcast. Not enough to impeded White's aircraft, but enough to suck all the joy out of a day at seat. "Blah."
"Blah? Is that your official report?" Williams' chuckle echoed across her comm net.
Jersey took a second, glancing down the line of camouflaged bulk carriers. They looked for all the world like some bizarre kind of brick afflicted with the kind of cancer that makes you randomly sprout sandbagged gun emplacements. "Uh, yes sir. We haven't seen shit since we broke into the Pacific."
"What about the girls?" asked Williams, his tone making it very clear which girls in particular he was asking about.
Jersey shrugged. "Sammy's been sweet so far," she said, tossing a wave to the little destroyer who was busy swapping stories with Yuudachi, "She really likes Poi."
"Really? I'd imagine with her reputation…" Her Admiral trailed off.
"I can buy it, sir," said Jersey, lazily tacking a few degrees to port for no particular reason. "She's an escort, not a hunter-killer like a destroyer. As long as nobody threatens her convoy… I don't see any problems."
"That your official opinion, Commander?"
Jersey thought for a moment, "Aye, sir."
"Noted… what about the others?"
"Heermann's been hanging out with Naka," Jersey glanced at the two ships. Naka was staring intently at the destroyer, phone in hand with her fingers poised for action. Meanwhile, Heermann had her hands up in the air, thumb and pinky extended in imitation of an airplane. "I think she's teaching Naka air-defense tactics."
Jersey drummed her fingers against her belly. She was full, or nearly, but she couldn't help wondering what the Japanese would be serving over at Yokosuka. "Johnston and Hoel are… mostly just bored right now. They were playing eye-spy, but they gave up after I told them 'Jerseys boobs' is not an appropriate answer."
Something that sounded suspiciously like a hastily chocked laugh sounded though Jersey's radio room. "Copy that, Commander. Anything else?"
"Yeah, uh… do you have the order of battle for our Japanese reinforcements?"
"Sorry, Jersey, not at this time. The situation's-"
"Too fluid, yeah…" said Jersey, shaking her head in frustration. "Alright, Jersey o-ah… actually… how's the summoning going?"
"No joy so far," said Williams, "Crowning's working on it…" The admiral trailed off.
"He'll figure it out," said Jersey, hoping her voice was more reassuring than it felt. "But… no matter who he summons, I'm still your favorite, right?" The battleship's nose crinkled up as soon as the words left her mouth. She wasn't quite sure why she said that… it just kinda slipped out.
"Always will be, Big J. Williams out."
Jersey let her hand fall from her ear, instantly picking out where Johnston was frantically waving for her attention. "What's up, Johnston?"
"You done talking to the big man?"
"Yeah."
"Good. I'm booooooored," the destroyer's feathers slumped almost as much as her arms.
"They gave you all phones, you know," said Naka, rolling her eyes as she waved the slim black plastic rectangle in the general direction of the moping little destroyer.
Johnston hissed, baring her teeth at the foreign and undeniably futuristic object. "I don't like them," she narrowed her eyes, staring down Naka's cell phone in its cutesy pink rubber case like it was the Japanese Center Force itself.
"Me too," said Hoel, turning just enough to unshadow her torpedo tubes in what Jerseyhoped was a playful gesture. "Magic boxes from the future shouldn't be trusted."
"Or touched," said Johnston.
"They're shifty," concluded Hoel.
Jersey stared at the girls, her eyes rolling with such slow gravitas even Johnston backed down a smidgen. "You girls have radar, and fire-control computers. Same thing!"
Johnston's reply was a low hiss in the direction of the phone.
"Look," Jersey slipped her phone out of her vest pocket, stabbing frantically at the screen with her thumb until she unlocked it. "It's perfectly- hey , Naka?"
"Hai?" the Torpedo cruiser cut her speed, slowly falling back until she was abreast of Jersey.
"What do these little red numbers mean?" asked Jersey, tilting the phone to the side so Naka could see.
"Oh, that's your e-mail app!" said the peppy little torpedo cruiser, tapping a series of commands too fast for Jersey to follow. "Wow… you have…" she glanced over at Jersey, "A lot."
"Is that… bad?" asked Jersey, her stomach tightening. Did she miss some important message? She'd screwed up her decryption once, once when it really mattered, she couldn't let it happen again!
"Oh, no!" chirped Naka, scrolling though the message, "I think a lot of this is fan-mail."
"WHAT?" said Johnston, somehow instantly at Jersey's side, clinging to the battleship's waist as she craned her neck to look at the screen, "LEMME SEE!"
"Why don't we answer a few?" said Naka, tacking away from the overactive little destroyer, "to pass the time."
Jersey glanced from ship to ship in her little flotilla. Every single one of them was giving her pleading looks, and she swore she saw a few of the merchant mariners staring at her in expectation. "Fine," she sighed, "But only because Johnston and Hoel are gonna break something if they stay this bored."
"YAY!" chorused Hoel and Johnston at the top of their lungs.
"Did you little shits even hear what I said?" said Jersey with a smirk, gently swatting at the Johnston's ponytail, "I don't trust you won't… start jousting with Mark 15s or some shit."
"Oh, we heard!" said Hoel.
"We just don't care!" said Johnston.
"Because you're stupid," muttered Heermann.
Johnston shot her sister a huge thumbs-up.
"Okay!" said Naka with a loud, but still sweet and cutesy voice, "Our first question is…" she scrolled though the list for a second, "From the US Naval Academy. They'd like you to speak at their commencement."
Jersey bit the corner of her mouth, thinking on it for a second. "Have they heard me speak?"
"I think that's why they asked."
"Will there be food?"
Naka scrolled though the message, "They didn't say, but probably."
"Ask them if there'll be food," said Jersey, "And, uh, make sure they know my duties come first."
Naka nodded, her gloved hands flying over the phone so fast Jersey all but lost track.
"Done!" said the chipper little idol, already scanning though for another one. "Oh, here's one from Runner's World."
"From what?"
"It's a magazine," said Fubuki.
"There's a magazine for that?" asked Hoel.
"There's a magazine for everything," said Naka.
Jersey waved her hands at the destroyers in a generic 'shut up' gesture. "What do they want?"
"They…" Naka clapped a hand to her face as she let out a tiny little girlish giggle. "They want to know what your diet is."
"Yes!" said White, smiling as she chucked one of her TBF Avengers into the air. "Her diet is Yes!"
Jersey shrugged, "Accurate."
Naka, glanced at the destroyer, wordlessly waiting for her to continue.
"Write that down," said Jersey, pointing at the little plastic rectangle.
"O.. okay," Naka typed up a reply and fired it off. "Next one is from…Sports Illustrated."
Jersey stifled a laugh until all that came out was a choked snort.
"Read it! Read it!" chanted Noel.
Naka smiled, opening the E-mail, "They want you to…" she paused, her face actually going red as a blush crept up her features. "To… um… pose for their swimsuit edition."
Johnston smiled so widely she couldn't even speak. Fubuki just looked betrayed, while White and the other destroyers suddenly found the clouds to be enormously interesting.
"Oh… okay," Jersey scratched at the bridge of her nose, "This is really awkward."
"I'll say!" said Heermann.
Jersey ignored the destroyer, "I already agreed to do a shoot with Janes, so… yeah."
"L-Lewd!" stammered Fubuki.
"Lewd!" cheered Johnston.
"Lewd!" hissed Hoel, elbowing her sister in the gut.
"It's good for morale," said Jersey, offering a weak shrug.